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Ricky
I was at work and someone called me to say there was a telephone call for me. It surprised me as I never got calls during work. It was Jason. He was totally hysteric and I couldn't understand half of what he was saying. I urged him to calm down as I didn't understand him. He didn't. The few words I understood were Isaac' and unconscious'. As an ER nurse, it immediately made an alarm go off in my head. I tried to ask Jason where he was and he managed to say he was home. I didn't hesitate a single instant and asked my colleagues of the ambulance services to urgently and immediately go to the house. As soon as the ambulance left with lights and siren on, I called Jack. He picked his cell phone up at the first ring and I told him that there was something wrong. He had finished his service and said he was on his way home. I could actually hear the engine of his car roar to life.
It seemed an eternity before I had any news. Jack told me Isaac was in the ambulance and on the way to the hospital. Jason had found him on the terrace floor, not moving at all and not having the slightest reaction. They were following the ambulance in Jack's car. When someone is unconscious, it is never a good sign. I was worried to death, but was thinking clearly enough to warn colleagues and doctors who was about to arrive. As they knew I was directly related to the patient that was coming, they sent me out of the ER. The hospital policy was that we couldn't attend a patient if we were family or very good friends.
I was standing outside when the ambulance arrived with a hell of a noise. When they didn't shut off the siren when close to the hospital, we all knew that the case was as serious as could be. They pulled out the stretcher from the ambulance and I saw our beloved Isaac as white as a ghost laying down on it and still not reacting to any stimulus of the paramedics. They entered ER, shouting the information they had about the vitals of Isaac. Just a second later, Jack and Jason were around me asking me a thousand questions I couldn't answer. I could enter ER but not participate in the help Isaac needed, but I could hear the shouting doctors and nurses, commenting their first observations. It seemed that Isaac's heartbeat and blood pressure were far too high. He was in ER only thirty seconds and already had an IV in his arm and they were giving him the basic medication in such a case. I felt so helpless. I knew that their first preoccupation was to stabilize him and making him react, showing that he was conscious again.
When I heard the doctors asking him what his name was, I knew he had regained consciousness. What was worrying me, was that I didn't hear him respond to that easy question. I could see his lips move, but no sound came out of his mouth. His speech capacity seemed affected and that was not really a good news. Bit by bit his heartbeat rhythm came back to something more normal. On the monitor I could see he blood pressure came down as well. The first purpose of stabilizing him was obtained. When doctors were sure of it, he was wheeled to scan and MRI in absolute priority. From there they took him directly to Intensive Care. There I was allowed to go in and see him close by as soon as my colleagues had done their work and that the doctor had seen him. I approached his bed and took his hand. He squeezed mine softly.
-Can you hear me and understand me? Squeeze my hand once if yes.
He did.
-Are you in pain? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no.
He squeezed twice. The look in his eyes was quizzical. I asked him if he knew what had happened. He squeezed twice. The doctor was observing us and after a while called me aside.
-We know he is your lover, he said, but that is not enough to give you the confidential information Ricky.
-I have a power of attorney in my wallet in my locker, I said. I can go and get it for you Doctor.
-That won't be necessary. I believe you. The results of the scan indicate he had a brain bleeding, Thanks to my and your colleagues, it is stabilized for the moment. We'll have to see in the coming days the full extend of that bleeding, but at first sight, the speech is affected. We'll do the necessary tests to see if anything else is affected. The nerves to his hands and arms look ok as you could communicate with him through the squeezing system. He also seems to understand what you are telling him and that is a good news as well. We will keep him here till we know he is ok to go to a normal ward. We don't know yet how long that will take. For the moment we will give him strong sedation to be sure his head doesn't move. You know what that could mean if he moved it. It will also make him sleep quite profoundly, on the edge of an artificial coma, and that will be till we know the danger is over.
I went back to Isaac and took his hand, saying we would see each other when we woke up. I kissed him on the lips. He looked at me and a silent tear came out of his eye and rolled over his cheek. The nurse injected the sedation in his IV and I stayed with him till his eyes shut.
I went back to ER and found Jack and Jason in the waiting room. They jumped up as soon as they saw me and we hugged for the longest time. The ER doctor had told them Isaac was in Intensive care and I gave them the rest of the information I had. My boss told me to go to HR and called them to give me a few days off. Meanwhile, Jason and Jack were already on their way home and I followed after signing a paper for `Special Absence' with HR.
Back at the house, there was a very tense atmosphere of worries and preoccupation. Jack had warned Christian and he and Sam came over immediately, together with Oliver and Charlotte. I was in awe that in case of emergency, they showed the real friendship that we had. Charlotte suggested that she would stay at the house and take care of us. She said we wouldn't be capable to take proper care of ourselves with what was happening. She wouldn't take no for an answer. She disappeared into the kitchen to prepare a light meal. She knew we wouldn't really be hungry, but said we had to eat to be strong for Isaac who was fighting for his life.
Oliver asked us if we had ever discussed what had to be done in such a circumstance. We had vaguely mentioned it, but without any precision. It was Jack who thought about looking in the safe. We found, indeed, two envelopes we had no idea were there. One said In case of death' and the other said in case of emergency'. Jack showed them to us and Oliver thought that the second envelope was to be opened as this was really an emergency. Jack looked at Jason and then at me. We all three nodded.
In the envelope we found several papers. First of all, we found four health insurances, each on one of our names. We had no idea Isaac had contracted these. They were for FULL coverage, and when I say full, everything was foreseen. Nothing could happen to one of us without being covered. Another paper was a kind of list of instructions, such as hiding his computer real well, not allowing any doctor or hospital to keep him artificially alive with machinery of any kind and to use the joined credit card for any extra costs. There was indeed a credit card in the envelope. One very important thing was mentioned as well and that was if there was no more hope of any kind, that Isaac was donor of his organs. There were more instructions but of minor importance.
Oliver asked us if we had all made such envelopes with instructions, but we had to admit we didn't.
-It would be a good idea to do it. You can't legally be married all four, so, such a paper would be of great help as you can see it now.
We didn't loose any time and one by one we went to our little office and used Jason's computer to make each our two envelopes.
Meanwhile, Christian rearranged the work programs of the following days so that we would have the necessary time to go to the hospital at the restricted times of visit at the Intensive Care Unit. Charlotte served the light meal she had prepared and even if we were not really hungry, our plates were quickly empty. They all left after that and Charlotte said she would be back in the morning. We wanted to say it was not necessary, but knew that any arguing with her was superfluous.
We went to bed and hugged and kissed. No one got a hard-on. Getting to sleep was not the easiest part either. Our minds were too much busy with thinking about Isaac who was laying in ICU. Jason and Jack were worried because they didn't know what was going to happen in the coming days and I was worried because I knew all too well what was going to happen. The most delicate part was to drill a whole in Isaac's head to put a drain in so the blood could go away out of his skull. After that it was a question of seeing the results of several tests and see what would be affected by the brain bleeding. The biggest question was to know if what was affected, would be temporary or permanent.
The main point was that we had to be strong for Isaac. But... how do you that? What happened to Isaac was nothing new to me. I had seen it before. Some of those patients came out perfectly well and others had died in the process. All the uncertainties scared me to death, but I didn't want to show it to the other two. They were probably as scared as I was and as I was the professional, they expected me to answer all their questions. I was a nurse, not a doctor, and even doctors couldn't always answer the questions with precision. As they always said: there are no two patients who react the same way to a same treatment. They had doubts as well.
We didn't sleep well at all. When Charlotte arrived, she found three zombies instead of three human beings. We had had our coffee but nothing else.
Jason
When I arrived home and saw Isaac laying on the floor and not moving, I panicked, I admit it. I tried to make him move, but there was no way. I became hysteric and called Ricky at his work as I knew he didn't carry his cell phone with him while in ER. When I had him online I babbled, cried, screamed but didn't utter a coherent word. I hear him saying to calm down, but the more he said it the more I panicked. I pronounced Isaac's name various times and succeeded in saying he was unconscious. I didn't know if he understood anything, but heard him say help was on its way. Not even 5 minutes later Jack stormed into the house and immediately bent over Isaac, telling me he heard the heartbeat, meaning he was alive. Another five minutes and we heard the siren of the ambulance and the paramedics went to work. I calmed down bit by bit but was still in no state to answer any question. Isaac was in the ambulance in no time and Jack and I followed the ambulance that drove off with full light and screeching siren.
At the hospital Ricky was waiting for us, but disappeared in ER rapidly. From time to time he came out to give us a piece of information and disappeared again. He just came out to tell us they were wheeling Isaac down to scan and MRI and then we didn't hear anything again for quite some time. Jack was marvelous with me, trying to reassure me as much as he could and holding me tight. The next time Ricky came out, he told us what the doctors said and that Isaac was now in ICU and in an inducted coma. There was nothing we could do anymore at that moment. We returned home and Ricky would follow soon but had to go to HR of the hospital first.
Once back home, I looked at the place where I found Isaac and it was as if I was seeing his ghost laying there. I could not stop apologizing for my behavior to jack. He assured me I had done the right thing calling Ricky and that I had no reason to apologize at all. Ricky arrived and gave us more detailed news. Jack called Christian who said he was on his way as well.
We had mentioned so many times that we were happy and that it was almost too good to be true. Were we now paying for all the happiness we had known all these years? I wondered. I was so upset and so nervous that there was no way I could just sit down and relax, even if Ricky had told us Isaac was in the best hands possible. He knew the doctor of ICU well and knew he had one of the best reputations possible.
Christian arrived with Sam, but as well with Oliver and Charlotte. After an update from Ricky, Oliver asked if we had ever discussed what to do in such circumstances. Jack had the idea to go and have a look in the safe and found indeed an envelope labeled `in case of emergency'. There we found a number of papers and a list of instructions which were quite important. We realized Isaac had been very cautious to write everything down and one by one we used my computer to do the same. We had a light dinner that Charlotte had prepared and although we were not really hungry we ate it all.
Sleep avoided us all three. I had no idea what was going to happen with Isaac and even less what the doctor were going to do. That thing of `inducted coma' frightened me to the point that I wondered what would happen if he didn't wake-up. We held on to each other, but were not rested at all in the morning when Charlotte arrived.
The first thing Jack did after a few mugs of coffee was to inform the insurance we had found the papers of in the envelope. They said to not worry, that whatever was needed, Isaac was completely covered. It was true that we too often forgot how expensive hospital bills could be and Isaac had done the necessary for all four of us. He hadn't told us about it and we wondered what else he had kept secret for us to discover in any emergency case.
At 11am sharp, we were sitting outside the ICU. We would have the opportunity to talk to the doctor and therefor we had taken our power of attorneys with us. It had been a good idea of Isaac after all, otherwise we would have had to stay in ignorance about how he was doing. We stood there, next to his bed. He was out of this world of course and had regained a bit of his natural color in his face. Even with all the tubes and machinery around him, he was still a gorgeous man. When the doctor came in we knew we would receive some news. It was not a good one. Although he had been in surgery to install a drain, the pressure in his skull was not fading like it should. The doctor was honest with us and said he was struggling for his life but that the prognostic, for the moment, was not in Isaac's favor. The more pressure there was, the more damage was done. He asked if we were religious but didn't wait for an answer. He just advised us to pray to any God available. We had all three tears in our eyes.
-Gentlemen... Please, don't cry as crying is a kind of negative energy and Isaac needs all the positive energy possible. I know it is difficult for you, but you really have to do the efforts to be positive. You can't imagine what that positive energy can do for your friend. Just to help you with that, I permitted myself to make an appointment for you with Angelica. She is a psychologist but specialized in a certain way: she knows how to create positive energy and teach you how to do it as well. She's expecting you as soon as we are finished here. Do you have questions for me?
I couldn't think of any question, but Ricky did. They were more technical and medical questions that occurred to him as a professional nurse. I didn't understand of word of what he was asking neither the answers he received. He looked about satisfied with what he heard.
The doctor left, giving instructions to Ricky on how to reach Angelica. We kissed Isaac on his lips and left the ICU.
Angelica couldn't have a better name: she was an angel. She promised us to give us as much positive energy as she had. She started talking, and talking... and talking even more. The more she talked, the better we felt. We didn't know how she did it, but she did. Bit by bit we started to smile and yes, we were feeling much more positive than when we entered her office. With her words and with her attitude it was like if she was pouring energy over us. We could actually feel it. After an hour of her talking nonstop she asked when we were coming to visit Isaac again. For us it was obvious we would spend time with him as much as we could, so we said it was the next day at ICU visiting hour. She said we could come an hour earlier and she would fill us with positive energy again. Then we had to go and visit Isaac and each of us had to touch his body with both hands. We promised we would do so. If it didn't help, it would do any harm either.
We stayed positive the whole day and each time we looked at each other, we felt like the presence of Angelica. At night we slept a lot better and in the morning we even made love. It was not so elaborate as we usually did, but we enjoyed it nevertheless. At 10am sharp we were at her office and once again, we could feel her pour energy all over us. It was overwhelming to feel it enter our bodies and at 11am she told us no to forget to touch Isaac with both our hands as much as possible. She knew he was in an inducted coma and said it had no importance as his energy would feel ours. She also said to talk to him about all the good things we had lived together. We saw Isaac. Nothing had changed really. We followed Angelica's instructions and were talking about the times we were hiking up to the lake and the waterfall or any moment we had ever made love and even our regular visits to our secluded beach. We even put some humor in what we were talking about. I had put my both hands-on his left arm and hand, Ricky was touching his chest and belly and Jack was gently caressing his feet and ankles. When visiting hour was over, we left with the sensation we had done something good. The doctor greeted us and was happy we had followed his advise, although he couldn't know if we had or not, but said he could feel we had seen Angelica.
His doctor's report was neither good nor bad. He was convinced Isaac would have to follow serious physiotherapy and actually learn to walk again. The same was for his speech: he would have to learn to talk again. The good news was that the pressure in his head was slowly fading. He thought it would take a day or two more to have that pressure disappear, thanks to us being so positive. He was so convinced that positive energy could do miracles. We really didn't care which treatment was best as long as Isaac would get better and return to a normal life. Each day, before visiting Isaac, we went to see Angelica. We had no idea if Isaac was indeed doing better with our positive energy, but we were. We were bearing the whole situation much more easier and with good hope. We had no doubts that everything would be all right in the near future.
Came the day, finally, that the doctor, after studying the MRI, announced they would stop the medication that kept Isaac in an artificial coma. He couldn't predict the time Isaac was going to wake up. The following day we had our session with Angelica and after that, our routine to touch Isaac with both hands. The doctor was assisting this and we saw that he hoped Isaac would open his eyes. And he did! At first he was a bit confused but when he saw Jack, Ricky and me, he had a weak smile on his face. He tried to say something, but not a sound came out. Ricky asked for a wet sterile cloth and moistened Isaac's lips. The doctor observed Ricky and his doings. Isaac's eyes shut again although we could see he was doing efforts to keep them open. Ricky told us it was normal as the medication was not fully out of his body. He even said that the following day we would see a real improvement, and he was right. The next day Isaac was fully awake when we entered ICU. He was laying, almost sitting a bit more upright. He even started to move his arms und turn his head slowly to the right or to the left. It was obvious he was frustrated because he couldn't speak. The doctor told us it was going to be a slow and long process to recover his speech. We were not looking forward to that, knowing how much Isaac liked to express himself.
Jack
Angelica's therapy, if you could call it that, was affecting us in a wonderful way. She taught us how to include positivity and everything we did and also how to transmit it to others. We had no doubt the doctor of ICU had followed what she was teaching. We didn't know if it was the reason he was the head doctor of ICU. What we knew was that Isaac was doing better everyday. The frustration he felt to be without speech got to him and even with our positive energy, we couldn't help him. We suggested to the doctor and to Angelica, that she would visit him and giving him what she had given us. They both agreed.
A physiotherapist came twice a day to help him recover the use of hands and arms properly and to massage his legs to improve the blood circulation in them. They didn't speak about any rehabilitation yet. It was too soon. They would begin the process once he was out of ICU. A speech therapist would start at the same time.
Once Isaac left ICU and was in a normal room, the visits were a lot easier to organize and we could combine work and visits at the hospital. Ricky always went earlier to work so that he could say hello to Isaac before beginning his shift. When he was finished he would go back to the room and stay with Isaac for several hours. Jason and I did the same, visiting before our work started and drop by when we were finished. During the long hours he would be alone, Charlotte was constantly with him and most of the time Oliver was there as well. Christian and Sam came by as often as work allowed. Slowly our friends started to know what had happened and were decent enough to call before going to the hospital, to know if Isaac could get visitors. His speech was still limited to a few words. With Angelica's help he learned to accept it and asked for pen and paper to write things down. Even that was still hard to do, but at least he could tell us what he wanted or needed.
One day, as I had two hours free between services, I rushed to the hospital. I told Charlotte to take a break and sat down next to Isaac on his bed. All his movements were still slow and even hesitant, but that day he did an effort and his hands landed in my lap. He even squeezed my cock through the fabric of my trousers. He then grabbed his pad and pen and wrote: "M HORNY". He was still recovering from a massive brain bleeding and he was thinking about sex. When I felt through the sheets of the bed, I could indeed feel a super hard-on. He was in a private room, but the door could not be locked. Isaac was pleading with his eyes. For him it was, although partly in artificial coma, over ten weeks that he had not released any sexual energy. I slipped my hand under the sheets and grabbed his hard-on. Just that provoked a deep sigh. I knew Isaac was expecting a little more than just a hand-job. I first opened my zipper and took out my manhood. He managed to grab it on his own. Meanwhile I bent over, shove the sheets out of the way and took his hard-on in my mouth. I was decided to give him the best blowjob I had ever given. It was for his benefit but I enjoyed it equally, bobbing up and down and swirling my tongue around his cock-head. With one hand I was massaging his scrotum and balls, while with the other one I went under his buttocks and teased his rosebud. Isaac was not a premature ejaculator, but with the built-up sexual tension, he came right away in my throat. I swallowed his semen eagerly. His manhood didn't deflate at all, so I went on with what I was doing and even managed to enter my finger in his ass, reaching his prostate. I had never known Isaac cuming twice in such a short time. After his second orgasm, he relaxed. He had that wicked smile on his face of someone who just did something he was not supposed to. He had not the strength yet to make me cum as well, but I didn't care. I did it for him. I was about to rip off the paper he had written when he said no. Then wrote: "USE AGAIN RICKY - JASON". I laughed heartedly. He was indeed doing a lot better already.
When Charlotte came back, she lifted her nose but didn't say anything. She just knew what had happened. I left to do the services I still had to do and then head home. When Jason arrived later, he made some ironic innuendos. Isaac had apparently shown him the paper with "M HORNY".
During all the weeks since Isaac's misfortune, we had had almost no lovemaking. It was only after Angelica's intervention and our more positive outlook on things that we resumed some lovemaking, but the absence of Isaac was so strong. It was not that we didn't do anything at all. It was just that our `leading force' was missing. The passion was still there but we realized Isaac had almost always been the initiator of our activities. Just the twosomes hadn't change, but those were never as frequent as when we were all four involved.
Finally, after a bit more than three months, Isaac was allowed to come home. He would still have the visit twice a day of his physiotherapist and once a day of his speech therapist. He stubbornly refused the use of a wheel-chair at home. The maximum he accepted was a walking aid, a rollator walker, or crutches. His speech improved but we couldn't expect full sentences yet, but he could make himself understandable. He still wouldn't accept any phone calls, except with Ricky, Jason or me. He also started slowly to type on his computer. I wondered if we would ever see him typing furiously like we had seen him doing when investigating someone or something.
Of course, we had had to warn Lucas as he was the main client of Isaac. We had not checked any e-mails of Isaac. We respected the privacy of his mails. It was when Lucas didn't receive the prompt response he always got from Isaac, that he called to know what was happening. From that day on, he called almost every day, if not, at least four times a week. With Victor, they wanted to come over. We told them they couldn't do anything at all and that it was not necessary. We would appreciate their visit once Isaac had recovered completely or almost.
Isaac's recovery went much faster than what the doctor had predicted. Once a week we had to drive him to the hospital for control visits. We always arranged the visits with our work , so that we could all four as well have a session with Angelica, although she said we knew what we had to know. Her sessions were so invigorating that we went on with them, at least as long as Isaac had to see the doctor.
When one day I came home and found Isaac in the swimming pool doing laps, I got furious. The physiotherapist had clearly said to not go to swim without any supervision. Isaac came out of the pool and our discussion turned to vinegar. Isaac pretending he was not a child anymore and me answering he shouldn't act like one. The discussion turned into argument and for the first time in all the years we were together, we were both genuinely angry at each other and shouting the most horrible things. Just at that moment Ricky and Jason arrived and couldn't believe neither their eyes nor their ears. First of all because in his angry state, Isaac had almost no speech problems at all. But what they couldn't believe was that we were arguing, something they had never witnessed. Jason entered in what we thought was a long-forgotten manager-mode and made us sit down, face to face, at the terrace table. In just a split second he had analyzed the situation and put the facts on a row for us to hear clearly. He then asked Isaac what he had to say.
-I am so tired of your over-protecting mode you all seem to be in!
-Over-protecting mode, I shouted, God damned...
Jason immediately stopped me.
-Jack, remember the basic rules : Love, Trust and RESPECT. So, stop the shouting and the swearing that never had a place in this house. Isaac, what do you mean?
-I mean that you treat me like a porcelain statue or a child of four years old and I don't like it. (You read like one fluent sentence but he needed time to get it out.) I am an adult and I think I deserve to be treated like one. I was almost dead, but I am not! I know my body and my limited capacities, but it is not a reason to protect me from myself. When a child learns to walk, you don't run behind it with a cushion for when he falls. Why do you try to do it with me?
And with these words, he just fell apart and started sobbing.
Isaac
Indeed, I had been almost dead, I knew it. But I wasn't! It was already difficult enough to recover and I hadn't reach the full and total success yet. What was bothering in the beginning, and was making me angry now, was that each time I tried to do something, one of my lovers took it almost out of my hands, doing it for me. How would I ever get back to a normal life? I had to learn again how to walk and how to speak and it was hard labor. Sometimes I was tempted to give it all up, but knew I couldn't. I had three lovers and certainly didn't want three servants. I was already dependent on my physiotherapist and I knew I shouldn't swim without supervision as he had said I still had the risk of cramps in my legs. Nonetheless, it was hot and I wanted to find some coolness in the swimming pool. I was careful to swim close to the edge. I didn't force my body at all. I was softly strengthening my muscles in arms and legs, at my own rhythm. When Jack entered and saw me in the water, he started yelling at me and this time I didn't want to accept it just like that. From one word came another and soon we were arguing far over any limit.
Jason tried to be the mediator and neutral referee. What he didn't know was that he, Jack and Ricky were all three doing the same : over-protecting me, not even allowing me to get back to my old life at my own rhythm. I couldn't stand it anymore and it costed me a lot of efforts to get out of my mouth what was on my mind. After that effort I bursted out in tears. I was so upset that for once they were really listening and I couldn't get it all out at the same speed I was thinking. I was more upset than frustrated, but the frustration didn't help. For the first time in month, in the swimming pool I had felt myself, doing something that I wanted and with nobody around to tell me I couldn't do it. Even if it seemed insignificant, swimming without supervision gave a certain independence that I craved.
I wanted to drive my car, but was not allowed to. I wanted to work in the garden, but they said they would hire someone to do it. I wanted to cook again, but they didn't let me... afraid I would burn myself or had another accident. And the list went on and on. Jeez, I was surprised they let me go to the bathroom alone! If that was my life from then on, I almost wished I had died of that brain bleeding.
And I told them exactly that.
What I would normally say in five minutes, costed me almost half an hour. After that I was exhausted and just longed to go to bed and sleep, even if it was not even dinner time. As they were silent, I took the opportunity to say a last sentence.
-The way to hell is paved with the best intentions.
I stood up and walked to the bedroom and laid down on the bed. I knew I had left an impact on all three of them with my last words. I just hoped that that impact would heave the desired effect. I was always a very independent man and the months in the hospital had been a nightmare in that aspect that I was dependent of everybody, even to just pee. I thought I had my life under control and suddenly I had lost all control. I tried to recuperate a certain control and yes, even some dignity and my three lovers, with the best of intentions, didn't allow me to do that. Would I have to move out of that house, just to have my life back in MY hands?
I didn't want to be misunderstood. I was grateful for all they had done for me and taking care of me while I couldn't take care of myself. I thanked God and all the Saints in heaven that they were there. I just wanted to be me. Was that too much to ask for?
The next time I opened my eyes it was already dark outside. I was woken because Ricky came into bed and pushed himself into my arms, his back against my chest and pulling my arm around his chest.
Any comments welcome at amahy1957@gmail.com Your comments are my motivation to go on writing.