WEEK TEN - THE RETURN
FIRSTDAY
Another farewell in morning gloom. Do-Si and I stood and watched as the depleted column started its climb on its way back to NewTown. The pace was slower in consideration for the wounded, but urgency could still be felt. Wi-Su was in the middle of the column - he did not look at me. Father stayed until last, letting the column move out of sight, before embracing me in a fond goodbye. "Be as quick as you can," he whispered in my ear, "I seem to spend all my time without you."
With my mute nod he let go, inflicted a pert smack on the backside of Do-Si along with an imprecation to look after his son, mounted Trugo and galloped after the departed column without looking back.
When he also was out of sight Do-Si, mock rubbing his backside, said, "Wi-Su asked me to pass on his respects and to say goodbye for him. He will try to put your plan into action."
Again a mute nod was my only response, but after staring up the road for a while I said, "We'll go back to bed and try to get some sleep."
But sleep wouldn't come. My thoughts filled with loss and future sadness, worried for Father, worried for Wi-Su, worried. Light grew a little, and I decided to try to sleep in the hut, to speed my labour. I woke Do-Si, who had suffered none of my insomnia, to let him know where I was going, invoking him to go back to sleep. I soaked first in the pool to relax before making my way naked into the hut, letting its magic dry me and keep me warm. The water had seemed to have less than its usual effect, but I found that when I lay on the bed my limbs, cushioned on the magic of the bed, felt heavy and my mind finally stopped. I slept. Like one drugged I was unconscious in moments, and no sooner unconscious my mind filled with images and words that flowed like water over the huge falls I had seen with Wi-Su.
When I returned to consciousness I felt as if I had undertaken several days hard labour without rest. I was exhausted, so much so that it took a while for me to notice that I was thinking double. I looked at a chair, and as well as thinking chair' I thought another sound that, though completely different, also meant chair'. Any phrase or thought had its echo in this strange other speech. "Is this the language of The One?" I thought to myself, twice. Strangely an answer came back to this, `Which One?'. I didn't know whether I had heard this or thought it. My head swivelled round and round, finally resting on the one thing in the room that had changed. My new language had a name for it. "Housputer", and its gems were glowing. It seemingly had woken up.
In fear I leapt from the bed without analysing what had been said to me, and flew out of the hut, jumping off the cliff in my eagerness to escape, my feet hitting the ground running. In the centre of the grassed area I turned and looked back. Nothing had changed. I backed away, now keeping a careful eye to make sure nothing followed me. I must have jumped the height of a forearm when a voice said, "Now, I do like that. Is that our new dress code?"
I spun around to find a smiling Do-Si. My thoughts so far away from normality, it was a while before I caught on to the significance of his meaningful downward glances and also looked down. In my mad escape I had not dressed. With this the comical nature of my flight hit me and I erupted in laughter. Not knowing the joke but infected Do-Si let out loud guffaws as well. Soon we were hugging each other, trying to settle the heaving of our bodies so we could talk. Before this was achieved though Do-Si's skilful hand found my lizlion, and instead of talking we were rolling around on the buoyant, damp grass. This just about killed our laughter, though an occasional giggle still escaped, and when we had finished fucking we lay in each other's arms and I managed to tell him what I had experienced in the hut. I spoke to him in my new language but he looked at me blankly. It seemed strange as what I had said had seemed so clear to me, so simple.
"What did that sound like?" I asked.
"Like a madwoman speaking with her mouth full of shit!" Do-Si was his usual self.
"I think this shitful mouth is the language of The One!"
"Oh, oh. I have blasphemed!" When he saw I was serious though his cheeky grin turned down and looked worried. "You are serious!"
"Do-Si, that I am. I learnt this language while I was sleeping in the hut just a little before."
"So why did you come running down here like a mad thing?"
"When I woke up I heard a voice speaking to me, but the hut was empty."
"A ghost!"
"I don't know. But I felt a lot of fear. I feel better now." And I did. Lovemaking had expelled the fear, and one could not stay too serious with Do-Si.
"A voice talking! That is reason to have fear. If The One spoke to me I would die!"
"I don't know if it was The One. Why would The One speak to me!"
"You! The Hero! Who better?"
"You exaggerate my abilities, Do-Si, but thankyou for your flattery." I examined my memory of what had happened, trying to recreate rationally all that had happened in panic. "But, no, I don't think it was The One. In fact as far as I can recall the voice said `What One?' when I asked myself a question about this new language."
"Well, I guess The One wouldn't ask who he was."
"Though maybe he doesn't call himself The One. I guess I'm going to have to go back and ask. Nothing dangerous seems to have happened. Will you come with me?" I asked, my voice not expressing the confidence of my words.
Do-Si was also pretty doubtful, but bravely said, "I won't go inside the hut. And I'll need some clothes!"
"I think I'll feel more confident with clothes - and thankyou."
Do-Si said nothing, just nodded and stepped back, as I pushed open the door of the hut. I closed it behind me with great trepidation, remaining on my feet with my back against it as I nervously surveyed the room. All seemed as I had left it, including the glowing jewels on the housputer. "Hello," I announced nervously.
This time it was definitely a voice. "Hello." It spoke in my new language. And with the voice a person appeared in the middle of the room. Before I had made any significant response to its presence, that is before I had managed to do more than half push down the door handle, the voice continued, "Don't go. You are safe here. I will do you no harm."
My heart felt like it was trying to leave my chest, my knees were jelly. I tried to talk but sputtered dry.
"Lie down again and we'll be able to talk better," continued the apparition in the middle of the room. "You are a handsome lad!"
Torn between complying and escaping I did not move.
The apparition did not move, nor seem to look at me in anyway. "I see. I guess you are a bit frightened. Look, go away now, come back when you are feeling braver."
This was all I needed and I was out the door, crashing into Do-Si. "I saw a ghost!" I cried.
Do-Si looked at me without comprehension.
"I saw a ghost," I cried again, reverting to my mother tongue.
"Let's go," and started for the ladder at a run.
Safely at the bottom and a long distance from the ladder base, we stopped, looking back to make sure we weren't being followed. Once again nothing happened. Nothing followed, light rain continued to fall. I closed my eyes and willed myself to calm down. I inspected my memory of what had happened, attempting rationality even though what happened had no explanation that could be considered rational. I saw a ghost! It spoke to me! But on review it had not threatened me in any way, just the opposite, it had been very reassuring. It had even given me permission to leave. But it could be a trap, lulling me into a sense of security so it could have its way with me without having to fight.
When I had slowed enough I recounted to Do-Si what I had seen. He was all in favour of getting on our horses and following the still fresh trail of the others and return home. As I talked though I realised that my analysis had not been rational. I had slept in the hut a number of times. If the ghost had wanted to hurt me it could have done so at any time while I had been asleep. I had already been at its mercy. Also, I remembered what Hi-Tu had told me, how he had tried to enter while I had been sleeping and the door had refused to open. I explained this to Do-Si, but he failed to see this as reassuring. Strangely his opposition reinforced my belief that my panic had been unnecessary. That I could safely go and confront the ghost, find out what it wanted. But not immediately.
"Do-Si, lets spar for a bit, then we can hunt for some meat for lunch."
"If my Lord says so, that is what we will do. It is difficult living along side a hero!"
"Have courage! I will not let you come to harm."
"Thankyou, my Lord."
Do-Si's usual irreverent nature had vanished for the moment, and he spoke with deep sincerity. This felt a bit strange but I let it go as he seemed much calmer following my reassurance. Not that a few words on my part would have any effect on a ghost! We sparred vigorously then mounted our horses once we had cooled to go in search of game. This proved to be as easy a task as it had when I was with Hi- Tui, and soon we were returning. Do-Si lit a fire and prepared the animal for roasting. With all this, muscles tired from exertion, stomachs full of succulent meat, we were relaxed and truly ready for siesta.
FORDAY
Three days had passed and I still felt unready to face my ghost. Do-Si and I lived like we were children, camping out and having a good time, with no responsibilities. We sparred, we fucked, we hunted, we joked. With only he present I felt I could drop my social position and truly relax, just two young men together. I did not realise my position of heir had been a heavy weight on me, until its absence. It felt good, and I found myself wanting to avoid forever returning to face the real world and the dangers that awaited. Our escape came to an end late in the afternoon of Forday, with the appearance of Wi-Su.
I was so pleased to see him, to know that he was well, and I was so distant from my normal social role, that on seeing him I embraced him with all my might, kissing him fully on the lips. "Father, you have returned," I whispered into his ear.
"Yes, I am back."
When I released him Do-Si took my place in his arms, cuddling and kissing affectionately. Soon though the smell of roasting meat drew Wi-Su's attention from our greetings, and he let us know that he had not eaten for 2 days. Do-Si busied himself organising the meal, adding extra rice, while I sat with Wi-Su. He told of his escape from the returning party, how he had slipped away in the dark, maintaining his direction by keeping a hand constantly in touch with the tunnel wall. The journey without light had seemed to take forever, constantly in fear of hearing horse hoofs chasing him so not game to stop and rest. Eventually he returned to open skies and galloped to put as much distance between himself and the tunnel mouth as possible before light failed. He slept fitfully, pestered mercilessly by insects, then rode on at first light. He did appear tired, and he showed some of his many red spots. But he made light of it, expressing his great joy of seeing me again. I suggested that if anyone should return we would say that he had lost his way in the dark of the tunnel and had decided to return here rather than try to traverse the tunnel without light in pursuit of the group. He nodded to this.
The meat was going to be a while so I suggested, forgetting my fears in the pleasure of having Wi-Su again by my side, that we mount the ladder and bathe in the pool. When appraised of the nature of the pool, how it was similar to the other we had shared, Wi-Su agreed with alacrity. Arm in arm we walked over the springy grass, then I showed Wi-Su the mysteries of the ladder. This fascinated him, but I suggested that we return to this at another time, just using its magic to mount the cliff for the present. At the pool edge he calmly stepped out of his clothes, revealing his insect ravaged body to me in its entirety in the failing light of day. On excuse of examining his wounds I inspected him closely, including his hairy chest and his sticky-out dick with its ample skin, and though my body responded as usual to his closeness his remained soft and relaxed, even when I stroked it as I examined a particularly large red bite and pulled out an offending insect. We lowered ourself in the magic water of the pool, Wi-Su taking a position of the step below me and resting back between my legs, his arms hooked over my legs. I remembered again the wonderful time we had spent at the valley of the waterfall as I massaged his scalp and temples, sighs escaping his lips as he relaxed.
And he began to talk. "I have done nothing to deserve his wrath," he started, tears straining his voice. "I have served him well with all my heart, I have no thought that is not for his benefit and for the benefit of NewTown. Why has he turned against me?"
Though I knew the answer to this, I was unable to answer the question. I remained silent and continued my massage, always acutely award of the pressure of his back against my hard lizlion, feeling the trembling of his sobs between my thighs.
"What am I going to do?"
And so, strangely, began the last, albeit brief, interlude of peace and contentment in my life,. "We can think on that," I said. I have many days of work before I can think of returning. We have food, we have shelter, we have each other. We can think about that later."
In response to my touch, my voice, my words, Wi-Su slowly quietened, accepting my somewhat empty reassurance and ceasing questioning his future. "Thankyou my son," he said from the heart.
Unwillingly letting him escape from my embrace I said, "Let's join Do-Si for some food. It must be ready by now." Wi-Su slowly rose and left the pool, I as always taking advantage of the opportunity to view his handsome body. "Look, all your spots are gone!"
"And I no longer itch! These pools of the ancients contain powerful magic!"
That night, stomachs full, the three of us cuddled together for comfort, I wished that this would continue forever. Do-Si had let Wi-Su know that I knew of their relationship, so both I and Wi-Su could make love to Do-Si without any constraint. Wi-Su wanted to repeat our last time, with Wi-Su taking Do-Si's mouth and I his arse, my tongue having freedom to play with the arse and balls of Wi- Su. This was as close as I ever got to making love with Wi- Su. He always remained my father, and never approached me in a sexual manner. He didn't stop me touching him but he never responded to anyone other than Do-Si.
FIFDAY
Then next day I found courage to enter the hut once again. My phantom again waited for me, but this time I managed to remain calm. I spoke with the phantom and he spoke with me, but the image of the phantom never varied, its lips never moved. It appeared to be a man of some 11 years of age, with facial features that reminded me of Father and Wi-Su. I asked questions and he answered, but often they did not make sense.
"Are you The One?" I asked.
"What one?" he replied.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"The housputer," he replied.
I looked at the box with the glowing jewels. It was the housputer, not this phantom standing in front of me. I approached him, but he always remained the same distance away from me. I could not trap him. If I had him between me and a corner and walked towards the corner, bit by bit, without making any movement, he moved into the corner, until suddenly he was no longer there, but when I turned around he was behind me, watching me.
"The housputer is that box there," I pointed. So what are you?"
"Who is `you'?"
With which the phantom disappeared, but the voice continued. "Maybe the image confuses you?"
"Image?" I asked.
"Let me try this. But before I do, should I call for help?"
"Help?"
"You know, a task force to clear up the mess this planet has become."
Thinking of Father and the danger he was facing, of Wi- Su and the danger he faced, not having any idea of what was being talked about, I answered, "Yes."
And with this a sparkling appeared in the centre of the room. The phantom reappeared, but now it moved, it had facial expression, it began to talk. After a while, when I realised that nothing dangerous was going to happen, I sat on the bed. This is what was said.
The Story of Eli
Please be aware that this is just an image of me. I cannot hear or see you. The housputer says that 432 of the years of this planet have passed since I started to record this. My name is Eli. This is my hut, my hideaway, that I dreamt of being paradise. I live here now, hiding from the town, hiding from my grief. I had built this to be my health, with its succour trying to replace what I have lost. I have money from the contract I filled, a contract that has poisoned my soul. So I have spent the money to make me healthy, to neutralise the venom that eats away inside. I'm not sure how successful it has been. I programmed the hut program to appear inconspicuous, so no one would bother me, but inside everything was installed that could be installed to make me comfortable. I had been lucky to find this hanging valley, or maybe fate was just playing a last cruel joke, a location that did not invite investigation, and that had not to deep below is an unending supply of thermal energy to power the house and its pool. The bioware was a standard purchase - I did not want to draw attention to myself - but I know how these things are built, how to give them the tweaks to turn economy into luxury. Did you like the instant drying on entering the hut? That was one of my tweaks. What most people don't know is that there is only one version of these products, the luxury - if you buy a standard version it is a luxury version with numerous things crippled. I know how to remove the restraints - I should as I was involved in producing this model for 70 years. I didn't make it into a mansion though, as it would have drawn too much attention. But I am repeating myself.
So what brought me to this forsaken planet, where it rains without end and the sun is never seen. The answer is not so simple. One answer is that I was running away from a relationship gone wrong. One that was crippling my soul. A man who would not leave me but also would not stay, and who I did not have the strength to throw out. So I ran away. But then I needed money, as I was leaving all behind when I ran. Everything had been in his name, though I bought everything. So the lucrative contract that was offered, drawing on my original qualifications as a nuclear engineer, was my way out. A contract offered by people of my own Earthrace too. Serbs where not easy to find now, there had been so few by the time of the great exodus due to persecution by all the races around us. Now I think this maybe a good thing. That no one else had been willing to touch the contract, why so much money was offered for something that in truth required so little skill, did not concern me at the time. I just wanted to escape. And escape I have. I am now completely alone.
When I arrived I wasn't though. I was dined and feted like a long lost relative. The original contract had spoken of setting up a small nuclear reactor to provide power for a primitive colony on a primitive planet. That nuclear power was illegal in most of the universe did not concern me much. I assumed that there was not enough money for the standard high efficiency solar power units or the newer geothermal taps. I assumed wrong, of course. There was plenty of money, enough to smuggle sufficient quantity of weapons grade uranium to make two bombs. Not that they knew there was enough for two - it was believed that I constructed only one bomb. The second remains in the heart of the town, concealed, waiting for the call of my primitive little radio transmitter to wake it to its incandescent life.
I arrived to great fanfare, but I immediately felt that the planet was overwhelmed by unease so great that no one seemed to dare to talk of anything significant aloud. I was welcomed to a town consisting of my Earthrace, the leader of whom was a handsome, charismatic man who wooed me with everything except his bed. He worked hard to keep me isolated, under his control. I was feted, but I was always at his table. He took me hunting for lizlions, not that there was much skill needed for that, but he was always at my side. He took me into his house, shared his thermal pool with me, letting me see his muscular, hairy body, offered me girls to warm my bed. Offered even to share those girls with me. But the girls did not tempt me at all, nor did seeing his coarse body and thick prick in action. I probably made my first mistake at this point, by suggesting he save himself for his wife, that I could look after myself. The twitch of eyebrow, harshening of his lascivious smile, told me that a mark of a fairly dark colour, if not black, had been placed against my name.
After this my "guard" was tightened further. My dinners became lonely events, his visits the only ones that broke my isolation. It was then I learned of the true reason for my being here. And that if I did not fulfil that purpose I would not leave my "prison" alive. If I did I would receive my money as he was a honourable man, but he would know my lips were sealed by my complicity and involvement in such a great crime. The manufacture of an atomic bomb. Like those that devastated parts of ancient Earth in our primitive past. The primitive is no so far away, it would seem.
He gave me time to think, but there seemed no escaping my evil fate. I built his bomb. But I also built another, my revenge. And I was allowed to go. I thought that I would take my money, which had been freely given, and escape off planet to anywhere else, to put this stain as far behind me as was possible. But on being released to fend for myself I discovered that the ship that had brought me to Nu- Chin was the last that had been allowed to land. The leader had cut all contact with the outside universe.
Why am I afraid to say his name? The image of him sitting on the edge of the thermal pool, stroking his gross member awake as he told me about the girls he could supply for me, the filthy, cruel things he would do to them with my help, still fills my nightmares. He is Evil incarnate. He is the Devil. So why am I afraid to say his name? Because he made me part of that evil. I built his bomb, I killed for him. He is me. He owns my soul. His name? I cannot say it yet!
When I escaped, or rather when my usefulness was spent, I was allowed to do whatever I wanted. I found myself a room with a nice, god fearing family in the town, and tried to rationalise my guilt. Everything I heard though increased it, rather than providing relief though. I had found billeting with good people. Initially they were very quiet, later I found out that it was because they thought I would report their words to him. But I let a few negative words about the Leader drop, looked after their children while they worked, helped the husband with a work project that brought him in a bonus, and they began to trust me. It was then, bit by bit, that I heard the true story of this planet. And my guilt grew even more.
Nu-Chin had been a planet that no-one wanted, its unbroken cloud cover, draggingly long nights and low wet skies putting off the most greedy developer. But a splinter religion, a people who took their Christianity from the original, primitive bibles of Old Earth, grew amongst the Chinese Earthrace in various parts of the galaxy. These people started pushing for their own planet where they could practice their old fashioned virtues of piety, charity and self-effacement without having to deal with the grossness and greed of the outside universe. Nu-Chin was offered, which they took despite its problems, knowing that their belief would see them through any difficulty, but with a string. That a small population of radical Earthrace Serbs be allowed to live along side them. This group was also Christian, but had nothing of the charity of the Chinese. Of this it would appear the Chinese were not informed.
And amongst this group came a man whose only goal was dominion, who little by little stirred his people to react against the "domination" of the Chinese. This domination came from them having more positions on the governing council based on their superior numbers, there being 10 Chinese for every Serb. Little by little he stoked the fires of racism, of prejudice, of fear. Of course, with their belief, the Chinese did not react in anyway, nor did they fight when an armed coup overcame the elected council and the Leader took control. The one that I cannot name.
Nor did they react when they were forcibly transported to a new town, in truth a collection of tents without any infrastructure. One million people living without clean water, without sanitation, without paved streets. They just placidly lived on without complaint, building their new town with their own hands as no machines were supplied. Many moved into the countryside to farm and thrive.
This is what my hosts told me. Good people. Serbs who hated the Leader, but who feared for their life and for their children, and so said nothing. Internally I criticised their passivity, but whom was I to have an opinion of wrong doing.
With the money I had earned I had no need to work for many, many years. This planet might offer nothing in the way of entertainment, but it also gives no opportunity to spend money. So I decided to explore, and this is how I met Mo-Xi. Suspecting I was still being watched I did not go directly to the new Chinese settlement. Instead I jumped a supply truck and travelled through the tunnel to the other side of the mountain range ostensibly on a day trip to see the massive waterfall now named after the Leader, who had placed a little retreat for himself and his cronies at its entrance. But I had not told my hosts that I had with me the seed of a small flier that needed only to be positioned near a source of ore and energy to grow. I knew that the valley was quite unstable geologically, and that geothermal energy lay near the surface in many places. The waterfall and the mountain range that separated Nu-Chin City from the river valley was the result of a relatively recent tectonic plate movement.
The waterfall was impressive, and I enjoyed its power and clambered around the hills exploring and identifying the local fauna and flora while I awaited the growth of my seed. Local development was at the level of early amphibian, with few land species to discover. Plants were primitive and unpalatable, but were already showing signs of invasion by introduced species that thrived without significant competition. As soon as my flyer was sufficiently mature I went in search of the tent city.
It was a dirty place. There were no sealed roads and with the constant precipitation all the ground was intrusive mud, and the sanitation was primitive at best. Smells that I had never experience assaulted my sensitivities and I almost left the moment I arrived. I pushed on though, knowing it was not the fault of the people who lived here but rather of the One who I hated. People looked at me, but I wandered unchallenged, the day-to-day life on open display amongst their primitive habitations. It was the day that changed my life. I had ventured on a fairly straight-line course for the centre of the town, visible from a great distance as it consisted of the only formal structures of any height in the place, for about 30 minutes when my eyes were arrested by a sight of such beauty that my body froze. I, a sophisticate of the galaxy and having some 150 galactic years under my belt, stood and stared like a primitive child.
The grace and delicacy of the arm elevated to pour water over the soapy head disarmed me completely. Only arm and head showed above the makeshift bath enclosure, but it was enough. Once the water had removed its soapy disguise a face of a beauty beyond description turned as if guided by the fire in my mind and looked at me. The eyes met mine, then, maybe seeing my desire, looked down as a dusky redness burned the sloping cheekline. They did not stay down though. After an eternity, my heart in asystole, they again lifted to meet mine, telling me that my passion was echoed. I took a step as my heart thudded back to life, but the image lifted a hand and held it palm forward, then everything disappeared from sight as he ducked down.
Frozen by the hand I stood and waited, not sure how my body was staying under control. Waited for the most beautiful being in existence to again lift his head. Waited. Nothing appeared, but the noise of the door of the attached scrap plastiboard shanty closing pulled my eyes away from the bath enclosure to find my vision, dressed in shirt and loose string pull trousers advancing confidently. I gripped the outstretched hand and listened to a sweet voice that said, "I am Mo-Xi."
"Eli," I managed.
But before I go on let me show you an image of Mo-Xi so you can see for yourself the beauty he personified. Here he is, dressed in his traditional tie trousers and loose shirt. Isn't he gorgeous. Look at his eyelashes - long and dark, his lips, his chin - I go on too much. The image tells it all much more eloquently.
And so we were introduced. The rest of that day was spent with him showing me around the town, what should have been bleak as it soon started to rain transfigured to an ethereal beauty I have never experienced. Mo-Xi joined me in the comfort of my flier after our tour. He enjoyed the sealed dryness of its interior, living as he did in never changing damp. He spoke of his parents, his life. He did not share the passivity of outlook of his parents in response to the way his people had been treated, but felt himself to be unable to do much about it.
I took him for a tour in the flier - in the short time I had spent here, in the few days I had travelled, I had seen more of his planet than he had seen even though his whole life had been spent here and I had only been here a few short months. The primitiveness of Mo-Xi's life amazed me. They had no machines. Washing was by hand, cooking over fires of dried timber, if it could be found. Only the induced genetic resistance, standard for colonisers of a new planet, prevented this nightmare existence being transformed into an enormous death rate. And so it had been for the 5 years since the exile had occurred. No wonder that young people like Mo-Xi were starting to question the religion of their elders. It also raised in my mind the arrogance of a people thinking that they can dictate the beliefs of their children by moving them to a planet where they had no other alternatives.
But I did not say any of this to Mo-Xi. We spoke of sweet things, of his joy in the care of his animals, his pigs. How he would walk them for hours to find food that they could eat, how with a wooden spear he defended them from the primitive amphibian predators of this planet. The interest in the different fish and animal types, the variety that demonstrated the evolution of life to higher, more complex forms. His formal education was minimal - he could count and write - but the speed of understanding of his mind, though he did not have the concepts often to express himself, showed an acute intelligence.
The day passed and he returned home. I did not as much as touch him. Such primitive societies often had taboos against same sex love and I didn't want to frighten him. But he met me again next day, and so our romance began. Over the next weeks we travelled much of the planet, and we became lovers. He received computer education - though he was adult and couldn't connect directly with a computer he managed to absorb a lot of the information - and became dissatisfied with the narrow world of his childhood. So we came to talk about making our new home, away from everything. We dreamed and schemed, planned and searched. Eventually this little valley found us - it was bare rock but I explained how it could be easily transformed if I could find the seeds and he rapturously saw my vision.
He returned to visit his parents while I returned to my lodging to search for a vendor of the seeds I wanted. My friends were happy to see me. They had been concerned for my well being, having been away so long. I told them I had visited the Chinese shanty town, and their faces clouded. I thought this strange, as they had been so upset with the treatment of the Chinese before. They counselled me to stay away, but would not explain. So I stayed away, but only while I went from backstreet stall to upmarket store searching for what I wanted. After following many leads I finally found that which I had been seeking, and went to bed full of joy. Tomorrow I would visit Mo-Xi and we would start our life together.
But my dreams were strangely violent and broken. I awoke early, in darkness of the long night, but decided not to wait longer. I lifted vertically to minimise noise and pointed the flier in the direction of the rising sun, at least what showed of it through the dismal clouds. It didn't occur to me that it was too early for such light, or that the direction was a little off. It was not until I was about 200 km of the shanty town, as my radiation counters started to scream, that I realised something was wrong. Then I saw the smoke.
I dived into it in anguish, but the autopilot of the flier assumed control and took me away. When I returned to my lodging I now began to hear what I had been deaf to - the words of the Chinese rot, yellow mould, that with numeric superiority would overrun their superiors. And of first strike and cleansing fire.
I left with my seeds, saying nothing so as to give no reason to be followed. My anger, my grief, seeing the blossoming fruit of my labour devour that more important to me than life. My seeds grew me my house, my hermitage. My depression passed with the weeks though, as it is not part of my character, genetically programmed for stability as it had been, yet my grief remained a nagging evil prompting revenge. Eventually I surfaced enough to send little aerial spies to see what passed in the world I had shunned, spies I had originally conceived as maintaining our safety and privacy in our hidden world. The spies returned with images of ethnic Chinese being dragged from their distant farms and brought to Nu-Chin city, meeting their fate amongst the cheers of a bloodthirsty populace.
The Leader planned total extermination. My heart decided for me my path, my reason justified that if the "innocents" would not stand up to the Leader and his evil then they merited their fate. My Earthrace are not evil by nature. They are a good generous people. But it seems they are volatile and gullible also.
I have now finished my recording. I will sneak into Nu- Chin with my little radio transmitter and finish what I started. At the time I secretly put together the second bomb I had not been happy that I could not find a transmitter with greater power, one that would function from outside the blast zone. But I had no freedom to search and no explanation I could give to supply the parts I wanted. Now I think that fate played its hand well. I do not deserve to live on after.
And now, before I bring him my truth, I must say his name.
It is not a Serb name. The Serb race disowns him.
His name is Pushmal.
WEEK TEN - THE RETURN - CONTINUED
FIFDAY (Continued)
I sat for a long time after listening to this monolog. I tried to take it in, to understand what had been said. I knew the words, all had been taught to me. But even though I knew the words and understood the phrases, it still didn't make sense. Finally I said aloud, "I don't understand."
The same little man, without expression or movement now, reappeared. "What didn't you understand?"
I had come to realise that this image appeared when the houseputer spoke, but that it wasn't the housputer but rather the image of the man who had lived in this house. Like a sort of painting. "I think everything."
"Everything is a very big word."
"It is. Where is The One?" Hi-Tui had postulated that these people were the One, but from what I had heard they seemed just like ordinary people, though they could do extraordinary things.
"Which one?"
"There is only one One. He is the God who looks after us. He lives in the sky, the clouds are the bottom of his world."
"Nothing like that exists in my memory. Above the clouds is space, and out in space there are many stars and other worlds. Are you sure this one lives above the clouds?"
"No, I'm not sure. It is what I believed. It is our religion."
"Religion. I see. Something in which one has faith but in reality doesn't exist. Now I understand. Well, I guess this leaves your One just where he was before. In your imagination."
"Something in which one has faith but in reality doesn't exist," I repeated, dumbfounded. Even though Father and I had spoken of the non-existence of The One, it was only the existence of the simplified form as it was presented to the populace that we questioned, not the presence of The One. "I think I need some time to think about this."
"Fine. I have many educational documents here that you can peruse if you wish. Would you like me to print some for you?"
My reply was a nonplussed nod, and almost immediately a pile of sheets of a paper like material started slipping from a previously non-existent slot above the bench. I watched for a while, then collected the sheets. They were strange in their texture, smooth, slippery. They almost fell from my hands. Each was covered with many lines of fine, very regular print of a lettering I did not know, but at the same time found I could read. The language of the ancients.
I felt overwhelmed, in need of someone with whom I could talk. Holding the sheets firmly I backed out the door, then walked, maybe a bit fast as I was trying to restrain myself from running, and dropped down the cliff, as I fell my eyes searched for Wi-Su. I needed his wisdom. The warm, comforting mass we formed last night seemed a world away, another life.
I found him talking with Do-Si, laughter and mirth emanating from their pairing like smoke from a fire. I felt immensely alone, even though they immediately opened their tete a tete to allow space for me. I felt like the water poured on the fire. Their laughter quenched, a frown replacing Wi-Su's smile as he gazed at my forsaken face. After a short examination of that object, Wi-Su gestured to Do-Si to leave us. "What is it, my son?" he asked when Do- Si was out of earshot.
My reply was to burst into sobs and present the pile of strange paper. And his response was to ignore the paper and take me into his arms, enfolding me in their strength, comforting me as a father would a son. When I had settled I presented to him what I had witnessed, again showing him the paper. I think without it he would have thought I had been dreaming, but its strange texture, the amazing evenness of the letters, the complete illegibility to him.
"You can read this," he asked.
I nodded, starting to read aloud what was there, with a description of the structure of the universe, until Wi-Su interrupted me with, "I can't understand what you are saying! You are just making noise!"
"This the language of the Ancients, Wi-Su."
"Maybe it is, but there is no point speaking it to me `cause I am not an Ancient. Can't you read it normally?"
"I don't think I can, Wi-Su. We don't have words for most of the things here."
"What type of things."
"It talking about "stars" - huge balls of fire that burn fiercely and heat "planets", like ours."
"Planets?"
"Worlds. That there is nothing above the clouds but space."
"Space? Like the space inside a room?"
"No. I don't know what it is. It seems to be like an emptiness, without air. That goes on without bounds."
"How can it be without air? We have air here. If it is above the clouds, this space, then there must be air there. How can we have air here and there be no air there? Are clouds like a wall that keeps air in? Or keeps nothing out?"
"I don't understand, Wi-Su."
"It is like The Book. It is written by The One to tell us of things. You have seen The One, and he has recognised your intelligence and maturity, and has given a new version of The Book to spread in this world! You are Chosen!"
A look, like I had never seen in the eyes of anyone, appeared in the eyes of Wi-Su. At the same time he moved a little away from me. The comfort I had felt in his embrace was blown away as if by a chill breeze, rising inside my clothes and making me damp to the bone.
"You must return and spread the Word!"
"I can't," I whimpered.
"It is what you were born for!"
Not wanting to hear what he was saying, feeling so isolated that nothing could make it worse, without responding I stood and walked away. Away from Wi-Su, away from the cliff wall and its secrets, towards the ancient road. In darkness I followed its smooth surface, a darkness of the soul rather than absence of light, my mind pondering what I had heard, the little I had read. I had noticed that the story I had been told was amongst the sheets that I had been given. Eventually, feeling far enough away from everyone to not need to go any further, I sat on a rock, at times reading the story of Eli, at others staring vacantly in front of me.
And here I stay until Do-Si came to fetch me for lunch. He did not try to talk - I believe one look at my face dissuaded him - but I followed him docilely back to our campsite. I nodded to Wi-Su on returning, but did not look at him again. I ate the food served for me, followed when I was lead to our tent to sleep. My mind relived all it had seen and heard as I lay, wide-eyed, sleep as far away as it could be. The regular breathing of my two companions, cuddled together beside me, should have lulled my active thoughts. But they continued spiralling. What was I going to do? Say that The One did not exist? Say nothing? Or invent a new religion using the text of the documents presented to me by the houseputer as my "bible", one that only I could interpret? And if I were to be messiah of a new religion, would this save Father from the cruel blade of the Prince? Could it save Wi-Su from the cruel noose of Father? I stared at the roof of the tent. It was the same tent I had looked yesterday. I was the same person that had lain here yesterday. Nothing had changed in the world. The houseputer had sat where it sat for hundreds of years. It was the same. The information it had given me was the same as it would have been if I had visited here a year ago. Or 100 years ago. That much I had understood. So why lie here awake when nothing had changed?
In answer to the 50th repetition of this question I carefully got up and went outside. I looked up at the cliff, drawn and frightened, and decided to sit down with my new "bible" and began to read. Some bible it proved to be. There were descriptions of how to make skylights, where tar could be found and its uses, the basics of drainage and water supply. All illustrated with clearly drawn diagrams. There were also detailed instructions of how to build something called a steam engine that sounded rather interesting, and many others I did not fully understand. I read the story that had been narrated to me in the hut, taking more in this time. Then the final part of my new treasure, a short tour of the populated universe. And my mind was completely lost again.
When my friends stirred and joined me outside I believe I had not moved as much as an eyelash. I lifted my head to their greeting, however, and smiled in response to the tentative lifting of the corners of their mouths.
"I think it is time to go home," I said.
"Right now?" asked Do-Si.
"No. First light tomorrow. If we don't stop we maybe can get through the marshes."
"And I?" asked Wi-Su.
"You would be safest if you went the other direction. I believe it will take you to KingsTown. You can hide out there."
"My wife?" he asked looking me in the face.
After letting my silence draw out for a while, Do-Si eventually said, "I'll let her know."
I don't know what Wi-Su saw in my face, but whatever it was he just looked down and shuffled away. I felt nothing. I knew only what I had always known. My world had turned into a grain of sand, valueless in the enormity of the "universe". So I had pushed it all away, all my new knowledge, and it was as if I knew nothing. I thought of the long trip home, looked forward to seeing Mother. Yu- Lin.
"I think we can do it in one day, just the two of us. We can ride hard and not sleep." I repeated to Do-Si. He nodded and wandered away, in a desultory fashion getting things organised for the next day, but really just to get away from me. I went for a walk again.
SIXDAY
The morning farewell was long behind us. The insects were starting to make their presence felt as we neared the lake. I don't think Do-Si and I had exchanged more than 5 words since Wi-Su had waved and turned away. It was while we sat in the middle of the road, having escaped the dense forest, eating a quick, cold lunch that Do-Si spoke. "Why were you so cruel to Wi-Su?" he asked.
I looked him in the eye. I held his eyes. I did not have an answer. I did not realise I had been cruel. I tried to find something to say, and as I looked into his eyes gleaming with suppressed tears I saw reflected in them the grossness of my actions and I felt shame. "I wanted him to hate me, to make his exile easier," I eventually lied.
"Oh."
Such a tone that my heart finally cracked. Tears started running down my cheeks, enough to make a lake to match that we sat beside. Sobs again wracked my body, painful heavings that felt that my inner organs were being expelled. Nonplussed, Do-Si looked on helplessly till he finally worked up the courage to take me in his arms, winding up the force of my sobs to a new level.
"I can't do it," I croaked between tortured breaths.
"There, there," said Do-Si inanely.
But the feel of his arms around me comforted, and gradually I calmed. I remembered our playful days together, and regained my trust of him as a brother, forgetting his inferior status. "I can't be a messiah. I can only be me."
"You can just be you."
I lifted my blurred eyes and gazed into his round, tear streaked face. "I can just be me," I repeated.
He held me tight, kissing the top of my head, repeating like a childhood chant, "You can just be you."
Slowly though it entered my head like a healing mantra and my thoughts resumed to their accustomed paths. My first words were "Do you think I can get a message to Wi-Su to explain?"
"I'm sure we can."
Reassured by an uneducated soldier, my confidence returned. "Let's go then, Do-Si. We have a lot of riding to do yet. I want to enter the tunnel tomorrow." But the autocratic nature of my words was softened by my tongue cleaning his face of tears, my lips meeting his in a tender kiss. "Thankyou Do-Si."
I'm sure Do-Si felt quite lost. Forced into the role of nurturer of his superior he acted now like a child who had seen his parents making love. He pretended nothing had happened. "For what my Lord," he said, reverting to his old role of soldier.
"For being you, Do-Si. Let's go!"
The cleared path through the brush beside the lake was now well worn, having been passed back and forth by the numerous carts. We made good time through it, alternately galloping the horses and letting them drink and eat from the green water weed that they seemed to quite like, arriving at the road that led up to the tunnel as day light was fading. We pushed on to escape the insects that had plagued us the length of the lakeshore before stopping to eat and sleep. We made no attempt to set up a tent, just managed a fire, with Do-Si preparing a meal while I looked after the horses. Luckily I found them a small area of green grass by the stream not too far away from where we had stopped so that they could stock up for the long ride through the tunnel. I hoped with out carts and using lamps for lighting we would make much better time and clear the tunnel in a day. I gave Kito a fond rub down, then guiltily applied Do-Si's mount with the same attention. Noticing the trembling of their legs it occurred to me that we would probably be better letting the horses rest the morrow, to recover from the gruelling day they had put in today, and leave our assault of the tunnel until the following evening. Inside the tunnel it made no difference if one travelled by day or night.
On telling Do-Si of the change in plan he suggested that we set up a tent, as we would have more chance of sleeping during the following day if we had some shelter and comfort. The stream here was large enough that it had banks of a sort though fast enough that it did not provide a breeding ground for insects, with enough level-enough ground to fit the tent. After eating we set up the tent by the light of a torch, crawled in and collapsed. In the moments I had before sleep I contemplated how it felt good doing things for myself rather than sitting back and watching others look after me.
GODDAY
Using a rope to secure one another, we bathed in the rapid flowing water of the stream. It did not provide the rejuvenation of the magic bath of the ancients, but the cold, stinging water invigorated and refreshed. Our youth did the rest. I used our rest time to investigate more closely the wildly different plant life of this side of the tunnel, somehow my fears having been altered by the changed perception I had of the position of our world in the universe. I remembered the phrase in the Story of Eli about introduced species, and wondered if this explained the very different nature of some of the plant types that were present here. I did not really understand what an atomic bomb was, but grasped enough to know that it was it that had formed the depression that was currently a lake. What power it had! At the centre of the depression had stood the city of the ancients, with roads leading from it. Eli himself must have travelled the very road we were now travelling when he "jumped a supply truck", but he appeared to have moved at a much greater speed than we could manage, arriving at the valley with the waterfall in less than a day. Closely inspecting the plants I noted that some, those with which I was more familiar, had multiple veins that ran in parallel from the central stalk to the end of the leaf, with no change in leaf width until the very end of the leaf where it ended in a point. Others had a larger central vein from which branched side veins, and from these often branched other veins. Maybe these were the introduced species.
It was good to feel my intellect functioning again, my thoughts turning and twisting trying to order the world around me. I had felt so overwhelmed by all that had passed, in fear for the life of those I loved, in fear of what I was to become, that my brain had overloaded. Looking back I knew that the words that Do-Si had chanted to me had not been said with any deep meaning, but they had served to return me to my sense of self. And it felt good to be myself. Not the self I now was had much to do with the self I was a few short weeks ago, but it was good to be him anyway. I believe I had truly grown up.
I tried not to dwell too much on the future. To know that our world was a speck in an infinite universe did not resolve the problem that the future King wanted Father dead, along with my mother and I. But it helped put a perspective on it, so I could handle it better. And become myself again.
Looking at a range of plants there did not seem to be any that were somewhere between the two types. Either the veins were parallel or branched. No parallel with a few branches, or branched with the end being parallel. So as Wi- Su would have said, as my theory fitted available evidence, it was as good as I would get for the present. This thought of Wi-Su caused me to smile - I suspected that he would understand what I had been through and forgive me for my harsh words.
I went in search of Do-Si, my always willing partner in sex. I found him with the horses, but I enticed him back to bed where we made love and slept. The previous day had worn on us too, not just the horses, and we slept for a long time. On waking we took our time getting organised, packing up everything, filling our water sacks to their limit, cooking food for easy eating later. Then after a big meal we started the final leg to the tunnel.
I approached the tunnel with confidence. It was no longer unknown - it was a tunnel made to take trucks from one side of the mountain to another. It was not mysterious, and it had an end. The lamps lit our way well and we managed quite a quick pace but it still felt like we had been travelling a long time when hunger caused us to stop, with no sign of an end to the darkness or the smooth walls that formed the borders of our new world. We ate slowly, and remained silent after as the sound of our voices echoing in the darkness was off-putting. With our steeds a little rested, but looking weary and dry all the same, we refilled the lamps and mounted for what we hoped would be the last stage of the tunnel. Which it proved to be. Time was a relative thing, and the trip through had seemed an age, but the return had been quite manageable, though it was difficult to know once again how long it had taken. When the first hint of light appeared ahead I wondered if we had been voyaging in this timeless tunnel for 1 day or two.