DISCLAIMER: This story is based in truth. Some events/persons have been altered for the purpose of the story. There may be scenes of unsafe practices which are not endorsed by this author. All other usual warnings and precautions should be considered here. Feel free to write with any comments, corrections, etc. Think of this as a Gedankenexperiment. And remember to donate to Nifty to support all of these great stories.
There are some events in life which irrevocably change people. Your first kiss, first job, buying a car. Everyone handles these events differently, but no one is quite the same afterwards. Perhaps you become more frugal or more forgiving after having such an impactful experience. Whatever clicked in those few moments can never be set back to the way it was.
Waking up on Friday was difficult. The first reason being that we had gone out last night and it was cold outside. My impending loss of virginity was the second.
Over the past few days I only spoke with Cole a few times. I decided that I should give myself time to think before I surrendered myself to him. He really was trying to make this work and allowed me my space. Admittedly I was also a little nervous about the whole thing.
I began to realize the magnitude of my situation. If I went through with this it would be difficult to deny that I was gay. What if I didn't like it? I wouldn't want to hurt Cole. He seemed to enjoy it and it seemed like the logical next step for us.
As much as I was nervous, I was also eager. For a while now I wondered how it felt. Cole said it's like a massage inside of you, but there's something else too. There's this deep hunger which is finally satisfied and these waves of pleasure wash over you.
Cole texted me that evening to ask if I still wanted to see him. This made me realize how stubborn I was being; of course I wanted to see him. He was sweet and mysterious and everything I could think of wanting in a boyfriend. A few minutes later I texted him back saying I would be over after dinner. Now there was no way I could back out now.
Dinner did not serve as much of a distraction for me. I kept thinking of how I would never be the same after this and neither would Cole. We would both change, hopefully for the better. After eating I walked over through the cold air to Cole's apartment.
"You must be freezing," Cole hurried me inside the building.
"Yeah, it's getting colder outside," I said and shut the door behind me. I hesitated to take my jacket off as I was still chilled from the walk over.
"Are you still mad at me?" he asked as we walked down towards his room.
"I was never mad at you," I replied. Anger wasn't part of what I felt after hearing about Fish. It was more of a feeling of anxiety. I could never know what might happen when I wasn't around, but I couldn't let myself become so over-protective.
"Well you've been kinda quiet. If you weren't mad then what were you?" it was a little strange for Cole to be so concerned, but at the same time it was nice. Clearly he wanted to keep my trust, and that was a good sign.
"I guess I was more just doubtful or nervous. It's hard to think that something might just happen. But I guess I just have to trust you about all of this. I do trust you," I made sure that I sounded serious when I said it because I meant it.
"Lucas, there's something we need to talk about before we do anything else. I promise I haven't betrayed you but there's something else you need to know," this just made me more nervous.
I was quiet for a few moments before taking the bait: "What do we need to talk about?"
"Next semester I'm going to be studying abroad in London. But I don't want that to end what we've got going. At the same time I don't want to ask you to just limit yourself," Cole stopped abruptly in his confession.
"Well I don't want this to end either. It's great that you'll be studying in London. Is this all you had to say?" I didn't think this was anything earth-shattering.
"No. I know that it isn't a big deal that I'll be abroad. What I wanted to say is that when I'm abroad I want you to do whatever you want. And by whatever, I mean whoever too. Go out and explore and learn more about yourself. I can already tell we've taught each other a lot and I don't want to lose that. When I get back hopefully we can still be together. But if not, that's fine too," Cole looked a little sad and it was clear that this was hard for him to say.
"Cole, I don't think I want to be with someone else. I love you," I was confused as to what he was almost ordering me to do.
"I know, and I love you too. But I think that if you got to experience more outside of just me, it would be better for both of us. If you don't do anything, that's fine too. I'm just saying," his voice trailed off.
"I understand. I guess we'll just see what happens," I replied.
"So, do you want to leave or?" Cole asked.
"Why would I want to leave? Of course I want to stay, I've been looking forward to this all week," how ridiculous that he thought I would want to just leave.
"Good, because I've been looking forward to this the moment I saw you," Cole replied with a smile.
Strangely enough, I didn't feel nervous or preoccupied with anything. For some reason all of the hesitations I had before just left. Even though Cole had just told me something which I had not fully digested yet, it wasn't something on my mind. At this point I just wanted to experience what I had been yearning for all week.
Cole undressed me slowly. We stood in his room next to the bed. Outside the wind was picking up and whistling past the window. I shivered once he removed my shirt; he held me closer as before unbuttoning my jeans. I was cold and naked, but I was in his arms. Cole kissed my neck softly as I rested my head on his shoulder. He was totally in control of this situation and I had no opposition to that at all. The moment changed from intimate to sexual very quickly.
His lips moved from my neck to my mouth. His hands moved from my hips to my ass. With my eyes closed I explored this moment through my sense of touch and smell. That familiar smell Cole had was intoxicating and arousing. The increase in passion started to turn me on, and Cole knew it. One of his hands moved around to my dick and he began to stroke it slowly. We continued kissing and I started to unbutton his shirt.
Running my hands over his torso made me hard. I had always thought it was stupid to be turned on by someone's form, but now I thought differently. Just being able to feel his body and muscles was telling of the desire lying within. Now I could tell that Cole wanted this as much, if not more, than I did. He was a stiff as I had ever felt him before and I grabbed the bulge in his underwear.
"You want that?" he asked with a hint of seduction.
"I do," I replied.
We moved over to the bed and I lay down. Cole went and retrieved the lube from his drawer. For a second I felt a slight anxiety, but that passed once I felt Cole applying the lube to my butt. Apparently I was more eager than I had thought and opened up relatively quickly. Two fingers slid inside of me within a matter of minutes. Admittedly the feeling was strange. The foreign objects probed within me. Oddly enough I wasn't opposed to the feeling. Generally the body rejects unknown objects, especially those penetrating the ass. But the steady sliding and touching was becoming more enjoyable with each stroke.
"Lucas, are you ready?" Cole asked.
"I want you inside of me," I replied.
It was decided that I would start out on my knees and elbows. Apparently the decline would make it a little easier. Cole stood behind me and was more than ready to mount me. His head was at my opening and I could feel that he was dripping with precum. At this point I was hoping that the lube would work well. Unfortunately it did not feel as pleasant as I had wanted to.
"Christ Cole, it feels like you're going to split me in half," I detested as he slowly entered into me.
"Sorry. I'm barely even inside you," Cole said as he continued to ease his way in. Apparently he was a bit more well-endowed than I had thought. Originally I estimated he was around seven inches but maybe it should be more. I wondered how anyone could want this feeling. A spreading burn moved through my butt and around inside me below my stomach. His slow advance continued for a few minutes more until he was almost fully inside me.
"You have to stop there, you're too big for me," I was panting from the exertion.
"Am I hurting you?" Cole was concerned.
"A little, but it happens and I'll get used to it," I replied.
"Good because you feel amazing around me right now," Cole slowly started withdrawing. I really was his bottom.
My pain slowly subsided as Cole forced his way back in. Knowing how good this felt for Cole had got me aroused again too. On his way back in he hit something which felt particularly good. A pulse of pleasure resonated in my ass and rushed to my brain. I moaned audibly and Cole took that as his cue.
He started fucking me. My feeling of pain returned as Cole used my hole for his own satisfaction. He grunted with pent sexual frustration as he plowed into me. It was odd that this also felt good to me. The confusion of being in pain and then ecstasy put me into a state of lustful agony. I wanted to cum so badly that it hurt. The thought of jacking off never crossed my mind. I felt only Cole could fuck the cum out of me. And he did.
I didn't last a whole lot longer. Maybe somewhere around ten minutes. It still hurt, but it was also starting to feel good. I could understand why people enjoyed sex; well, unorthodox sex. As Cole increased his pace slightly, my orgasm came on hard and fast.
"Fucking Christ," I exclaimed between shallow breaths. My body shook and my ass clamped around his dick. I could feel my mouth open but no sound came out. My eyes were frozen in place and I wasn't focused on anything. The orgasm had enveloped my whole mind. It felt like forever before I started cumming. But it happened. Cole's bed sheet was thoroughly hosed with my semen. I felt a little embarrassed once my climax subsided. But that didn't last long once Cole started shooting off inside of me.
"Holy shit Lucas, you're so tight. I'm gonna fucking fill your ass," Cole said through gritted teeth. He wasn't lying either. I could feel him firing off within me. It was a pretty strange feeling to know that someone was blowing a load inside of you. After the first few shots his cum started to coat his dick and drip out of my ass. There wasn't much room to begin with. Finally he finished and withdrew from me. That part was pretty painful, now I had a gaping feeling of a void where my asshole should be.
"You've gotta be shitting me. That was more than amazing, I've never felt anything like that. Holy fuck. I think we need to go for a walk," Cole said as he slumped down next to me.
"I think first we need to clean up. In case you didn't notice, I'm covered in your cum dipshit," I replied.
"Sex makes you a bitter and vulgar creature," Cole smirked.
"You love it," I kissed him.
We did resolve to clean up before going out for a walk. I went and took a shower while Cole changed the sheets on his bed. My whole lower half was sore and hurt in a strange way. I felt raw and tarnished, like a heavily used boot. But I absolutely loved it. Cole and I were able to connect on such an intimate and sexual level. It also gave me a chance to provide something for him. Up until this point I felt like I wasn't contributing a whole lot to the relationship aside from being a psychological basket case. Cole was making so many sacrifices and breaking down his own barriers, I wasn't doing much.
Our walk didn't take us very far. Cole brought along a cigarette to smoke. He said the mood felt right. We sat down against a streetlight on an empty street facing away from each other. Neither one of us spoke for a while. Cole quietly puffed away on his cigarette and blew smoke into the cold air of the night. My nose began to run.
"Cole, I'm cold," I said, almost whined.
"Me too. Just wait until I finish this. Let's talk about something. Do you like older rock music?" he inquired. Music was a subject I was always eager to discuss.
"Like how old? Elvis? Or like Rolling Stones?" I asked.
"No not that junk. I mean like The Smiths, or The Pixies, stuff like that," he took another drag.
"Yeah I like those two, well they're fine," I replied.
"Listen to `This Charming Man' by The Smiths when you get a chance next," he got up and hoisted me to my feet. His cigarette must have been finished.
We walked back to his apartment. He asked me how I was feeling and apologized if he was being too forceful. I told him that I was just a little sore and that I liked to know he knew how to use his muscles. He smirked at that. We didn't talk of much else before going to sleep. I was tired.
I had crossed over but I hadn't admitted it yet. There wasn't much on my mind except that I loved Cole. It was weird how we seemed so detached from each other, but we were so close. The experience had brought us to a level where we could just be friends. We didn't have to worry about the stupid nuances of relationships. That wasn't something I wanted. I just wanted a friend and someone to explore my experiences with. Cole was that and more for me.