Dedicated with affection to dudesweet (dude sweet at hot mail dot com), whom I hope is living something like this story right now; and josh (btomandback@hotmail.com), whose work has moved me, (and who deserves to be published!) I highly recommend their stories.
No real disclaimers, except that this is fiction -- with some real experiences occasionally woven in. The characters are composites, although somewhat based on several real high school classmates of mine. No names, but more on that at the end of the series.
I won't urge underage boys to avoid this site, or avoid this behavior. I think gay boys should have lots of sex, as often as possible -- as long as it's safe and healthy. Physically, and emotionally. That's important. And I think gay boys should have boyfriends, whenever they can.
Copyright 2005 by dlgrantsf@yahoo.com; all rights reserved, apart from the Nifty copyright. Please, do not repost, or edit.
Naked with Connor -- part 9 (final)
We weren't sure when Brian was coming to pick us up, so we paddled back to the cabin a little early.
We went slow, though. It was the end of the weekend, after all; and I know I was getting -- well, that kind of sick, Sunday-night-before-school feeling in the pit of my stomach. I figured Connor felt the same way.
It was a lot more than just that, of course -- the end of the weekend, I mean.
I guess I knew I'd been falling in love with Connor, since the first time we kissed; before, even.
But the weekend -- that incredible weekend -- had changed everything. Really everything. What happened between us, the way we felt -- well, my world just tilted ninety degrees; EVERYTHING was different. I was different. I was in love.
And the idea of going back to living the way we'd done before -- was scary.
I'd really, really miss having his bare body right there. Touching me. On me. In me . . .
And it was going to be way, way hard to treat him like just-a-friend. Around my parents. Who knew me, so well . . .
I think Connor was feeling some of the same things. When we got back, with no Brian in sight, we started packing stuff up and cleaning and we were kind of somber; not saying much.
Until we kind of got into a game of wrap-up-your-boyfriend-in-blankets-and-try-to- tickle-him, which had a lot of comforters and blankets flying around for awhile, and both of us laughing, and a lot of ticking below the belt, even though we weren't wearing any. Belts, I mean.
Eventually we had everything packed up and rolled up. Still no sign of Brian; and it was hot -- we were both kind of dripping -- so we went back in the lake, to enjoy ourselves while we waited for him.
And that's when I had my moment. Or we had ours.
We sort of worked our way along the shore of the lake, staying fairly close to the cabin. In and out of the water, some, climbing on rocks, dipping back in -- like we'd done the first afternoon.
But a lot more comfortably, than that first day.
Like I said, everything had changed.
And it was nice, and fun, and erotic -- and I was almost overwhelmed, with the idea of telling Connor how I felt. That I loved him. Maybe it was the insecurity of it all -- going back to ordinary life, being afraid that things would, like, change between us -- or maybe, it was just that I really, really wanted to be honest with him.
Whatever. I really wanted to tell him.
I didn't, of course. That was four whole days away, still.
But -- I tried to make up for it. By the way I looked at him; the way I talked, what I said. The way I touched him. I tried to show him how I felt.
And, that last hour or so, I realized he was doing the same thing so obviously, back at me, -- it just made something inside me kind of glow. And I stopped feeling hollow and afraid.
And it turned that last hour, some ways, into the best hour of the whole weekend. Which was saying a lot.
If you've been in love, you know what I mean . . .
We were far enough away that we saw the dust, before we saw Brian's Cherokee.
"Uh-oh," said Connor. "We'd better get back."
Swimming back was easier and faster than wading; Connor went first, and went up the pier ladder almost running. Brian was standing there already.
"Big brother!" Connor yelled, and grabbed him and hugged him and kissed his cheek.
"Yahhh!" Brian laughed, and jumped back; he was wet all down his front.
So for the heck of it, I did the same thing. "Big brother!" I yelled, and did the grab-and- hug-and-kiss thing.
"Ahhh!" This time he REALLY jumped, and Connor was howling. "You shits!"
"Hey, we're just glad to see you!" Connor laughed.
"Yeah. Right. You know, I can still dunk you."
"Like I'm not already wet?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He kind of stood back and looked at both of us, then just at Connor; really intently. "So. You have a good time?"
"Best weekend of my life," Connor said, softly, and moved next to me, and put his arm around my waist, and laid his head kind of against mine.
And all of a sudden I realized I was nude, in front of a totally clothed Brian; and that my boyfriend Connor was HOLDING me, and I was blushing like totally crazy --
And it didn't matter. Because Connor was holding me. So I put my arms around his waist, and looked back at Connor's brother.
"Cool," was all he said. And I could see in his look, -- I don't know. A certain protectiveness. Tenderness. Understanding.
I wished, right then, that I had a brother. One as cool as Brian, anyway.
I have GOT to be a better big brother, to Megan and Zoe. I really do.
I'm going to try, anyway.
"So -- you're gonna come take a quick dip with us, right?" Connor asked, like it was all arranged.
"Uhhh . . . I don't think so, little brother. It's getting kind of late."
"Oh, come on! It won't take long. And you must be hot, after driving all this way. Come on!" Connor's voice had a kind of wheedling tone I hadn't really heard before; I could suddenly picture him doing the annoying-little-brother thing, and I smiled.
"Yeah, why not?" I put in. "After all, you're already wet."
"Yeah!" said Connor, squeezing me around the waist.
I watched Brian's face kind of twist up, like he was about to change his mind, and I thought we'd won; but, nope.
"Oh, man, I'd really like to; but it's already so late, if we don't go soon we'll hit traffic and we won't get home `til midnight. I really wish I could, though."
"Awwww . . . we'll make it quick!" Connor was in full little brother mode, now.
"No. We've got to go," he said firmly. "You guys go wash off, and I'll start loading the car. Go on!" He aimed a playful swat at Connor's bare butt, and Connor pulled us both out of range, grumbling a little just for show.
We washed each other off in the shower, like usual; Brian yelled in at us that he was shutting off the propane for the hot water, and so we should hurry up. I tried not to think about how much I was going to miss doing his, touching Connor all over, as we finished up and dried each other off.
At the end of the first day, we'd deliberately moved our clothes to the bedroom, out of sight. Now Connor and I looked down at them, and I was just amazed at how little I wanted to get dressed. After three days bare, and comfortable, I just hated the idea.
"I REALLY don't want to get dressed," muttered Connor, as we hesitated.
"I know." I looked down, and kind of thought, what the fuck; then I picked up my jeans. "This is all I'm going to wear."
"Really?" Connor looked at me, and then smiled big. "Me, too." He rummaged through his clothes, picked up his jeans -- no underwear -- and pulled them on. "I told you I turned you," he said, a little softly, looking up at me.
"Yeah. Well, it didn't take much."
I pulled up my own jeans, then kneeled down to stuff my t-shirt, underwear, shoes and socks into the gym back I'd brought, and Connor did the same; then we padded on out to the front room.
Brian was just picking up the last pile of comforters. He lifted an eyebrow.
"THAT'S dressed?"
"Yeah," Connor said, simply.
I should explain. Both of us were wearing fairly conservative jeans, -- I mean, they weren't exactly low-rise, or anything. But jeans these days are pretty low-rise anyway, just by default . . . they show a lot.
Brian's face kind of softened, then he pursed his lips and make a kind of silent whistle.
"Two HOT little boys . . . " He smiled, shook his head, and we followed him out to the car.
Brian went ahead of us; he went to the front passenger-side door, and dumped the comforters on top of the cooler, and into the footwell, on top of some other stuff.
"I kind of thought you wouldn't mind riding in the back seat," he said, a little shyly.
"Thanks, big brother." Connor hugged him, again, his cheek to Brian's neck.
We made one last sweep, to make sure we hadn't left anything behind -- I was paranoid that we'd lost the K-Y, until Connor told me that he had it -- then it was into the Cherokee, and gone. I watched the cabin disappear, behind us, through the dust cloud.
And like that, it was over.
Connor and I held hands, all the way home.
Well, full disclosure; we were rubbing bare feet all the way home, too. But it's the same thing. It left me feeling really warm inside.
I was more part of the conversation for this trip, than the last one Brian asked us what we'd done, and Connor and I told him.
Not the sex part. More about the swimming, and the shore, and canoeing into Lower, Lower Yosemite Valley (I grabbed his nipple when he called it that, and he yelped,) and the island. That stuff.
And at some point, I got up the courage to ask Brian something I'd been wondering about.
"So . . . . Connor said, that you, umm, kind of figured out about us. Him and me, I mean."
I felt myself flushing red, again. I mean; it's the first time I'd ever talked about -- well, being gay, or being Connor's boyfriend -- except with Connor.
"Yeah." I was sitting on the right, so I could see his eyes flick back at me in the mirror. "It wasn't hard."
"It wasn't?"
"Are you serious? The way you guys look at each other, in school . . . you both just kind of smolder at each other. I swear. The looks you give to each other . . . " I saw the reflection of his eyes crinkle up, in laughter. "You should hear Trav go on about it. He sees you together, he just automatically looks up at the sprinkler heads in the room, wherever we are."
"He knows too?" Connor sat up.
"He saw it before I did." Brian pulled the Cherokee around a slow truck. "It's not bad, or anything; we both think it's incredibly cute, actually. And -- well, it helps if you know what to look for."
Connor and I glanced at each other. Me, I was wondering about our friends -- his set, and mine; still mostly separate groups. Were we obvious to them -- ?
"So -- how do you and Travis, like, deal with it? At school, I mean?" I wanted to know.
Brian shrugged. "I don't know. You get used to it, I guess. Besides, he keeps me laughing too much." His eyes looked back at me, in the mirror, then back to the road. "To tell you the truth -- I wish we could be -- well, be out. About each other."
"Wow," said Connor. `Do you think you might? Come out?"
"Probably not. `Til college, anyway. But I wish we could."
"I'm on your side, if you do," said Connor.
"Me, too."
"Thanks, little brother. You, too, little brother," back at me.
Connor squeezed my hand, and I squeezed back.
Back at my house, Connor insisted on helping bring my stuff in, even though it was just my sleeping bag, my gym bag, and a grocery sack. Then there was an awkward moment at the front door, with my parents and my little sister Meg right around us, Connor and me close together, barely dressed, almost touching, and he gave me a kind of wild look, right in my eyes, holding still for a second; and I grabbed him in a quick, bare-chest-to- bare-chest hug; and then he was gone.
And the weekend was over.
Things KIND OF got back to normal, in the weeks after. But not entirely normal.
Thank God.
For one thing -- sex, or even just making out, getting physical, with Connor, went from being almost impossible to arrange, to just being very difficult.
Partly that was due to Dylan; he was moving to the phase of wanting to hang out with his own friends, more than his older brothers.
And sneaking up on Connor was no longer a cool game.
Thank God.
A lot was due to Brian, though; and Travis. Between them, they arranged to give Connor and me some precious time alone in Connor's bedroom, by running diversions on Dylan and his little friends. Or just sort of standing guard, if Dylan wasn't around. I think they kept an X-Box setup handy, just in case. For our sakes.
Sainthood runs in Connor's family. I swear.
Of course, I got to know Travis better, out of all this. Am getting to know him better, I mean. He's really cool; a lot deeper than the happy-puppy outside, and a lot funnier, as you get to know him. Deeply nice. Thoughtful. Caring.
Caring, in general. But especially caring about Brian.
It's really interesting, watching him and Brian together. Really interesting; they're the only other gay couple we know.
Actually, they're the only other gay PEOPLE we know. In person, anyway. But the better I know them, the more I like them. A lot.
Another change was actually a little embarrassing.
Connor and I had been under the sun for three days. In spite of the sunscreen -- we got a lot of color . . .
Me, my hair lightened up a lot; it got almost white. And after the burn faded, I wound up with the darkest tan I'd ever had.
Connor got even darker than me; a really silky, satiny creamy brown.
All over; for both of us. No tan lines, at all. It was really noticeable.
I think my pubes even got lighter . . .
In the showers after PE, that first week back, I noticed we both got some really intense looks from some of the other boys, as Connor and I washed off next to each other. But nobody said anything.
I didn't really care. If you've never seen a really deep, all-over tan -- you have no idea how HOT it can look; all smooth bare skin, muscles sliding underneath --
Connor looked outrageously good. I could swear all the swimming and paddling toned him up, some, too.
I guess I liked the way I looked too.
I swear, we're going to keep that tan, this summer. With no tan lines. At all.
It's really hard, not touching Connor, in the showers.
But the real change, of course, was BETWEEN me and Connor. And it was the best one. By far.
By Thursday night, the week we got back, I decided I couldn't stand not telling him how I felt. So Friday, on the way home from school, I did.
We'd gotten into the habit of going to a kind of sunken park, that runs along the creek that cuts through the shopping district, after school; it was a chance to talk, and maybe steal a kiss, if we were really careful; it's a little overgrown, and pretty deserted. Nice, though.
So we were talking, and Connor gave me a quick kiss, and I said it -- how I felt, I mean; that I loved him -- and he took my face between his hands and looked at me and said "I love you" back at me in a really strained voice, and we hugged really, really tight, for a long time, then we just made out for a LONGER time . . .
We were so, so lucky not to get busted.
Anyway. Just saying it didn't really change anything -- like I said, we both already knew -- but it FELT, like, wonderful. Transcendent. It made everything -- real.
It was a much, much bigger rush for me than, like, sex. MUCH more important. The biggest rush, the most important thing in my life.
So, in lots of contrary ways, it changed everything. I mean -- we could talk about it, now. How we felt towards each other.
I won't tell you all the things we said. Way too embarrassing.
Not silly, really; not really mushy. But intense. Wow; intense.
Like, I had the chance to tell Connor what it was about him, that made me love him. I kind of got tongue-tied, and stammered, and it was really hard.
But good.
Scary; so scary. I felt totally -- well, stripped naked before him; not in the fun way, but in the ways that counted. But I had to tell him, I just had to; it would be like lying not to, and I don't ever want to lie to Connor.
And then he told me when he'd started feeling things for me, and why, and how he REALLY felt and what he admired and liked and loved about me --
And I was, like, totally astonished. Things I didn't think I was, he made me see. Things I'd done and completely forgotten, that he remembered, and cherished. About me!
Connor believed in me. Believes in me.
Totally astonishing. And scary; because I have to live up to it.
I'm beginning to see that being in love can be complicated.
So, since then, I've been in kind of a daze. Sort of floating; I know it's a cliche, but it's true. Like the kind of sexual-haze thing I wrote about, before; but way, way more -- emotional. Spiritual.
So, some things were lots, lots better.
But. Sex -- serious sex; naked sex, like we had at the lake, was still REALLY hard to come by.
Brian and Travis helped us out with that, too, like they did with getting Dylan out of the way. Some.
Last Friday -- Connor's and mine one-week anniversary -- they took us out for `a drive'. At night; after school.
Brian drove, in the Cherokee, of course. We went to a regional park near where we live, one which is pretty big, pretty deserted at night, hilly, with trails and everything. And they left us in the back of the car, while they went to take `a walk'. For a couple of hours.
The Cherokee has pretty heavily tinted windows in back. Brian put the sunshade-thing in the windshield, before they left.
It wasn't completely private. But it was good enough.
We put down the back seat, spread out the blankets -- actually, two of the same comforters we used at the lake -- and got totally naked together for the first time since the lake. (Well, except for the showers in PE, of course. That doesn't count.)
Jesus. It was magical; so, so magical.
Feeling his bare body against mine, it was like coming home; but it also felt like a year since we'd been able to be like this.
So, we got a little carried away.
As in, rubbing against each other, until we almost came, but just stopped short . . . .
As in, rimming each other; in a really high-energy, really NEEDY anal 69 until we both did come, once . . .
As in, then -- Connor insisted; he almost raped me, I swear -- me going inside him, and fucking him until we both came.
We did that twice, actually. To be honest. I mean, I fucked him twice, and we both came, twice. Really hard.
And then I said something about Connor needing to clean the comforter all over again, and he laughed, and snuggled back against me, and of course we were pretty out of it, after all that, so we fell asleep, naked, on top of the blankets, me still inside him.
The next thing I knew, the car was going "beep, beep," the dome light came on, and the doors were opening, and lot of cold air came rushing in.
"Awww, you guyssssss . . . " came Brian's voice, in a whiney tone, but I could hear the smile behind it.
"Hey, c'mon, like we haven't done that?" came Travis' voice, as the door slammed. "Besides, aren't they CUTE like that?"
And I swear he winked at us, and he pulled Brian over into what turned into a really hot, hot, long wet kiss while Connor and I fumbled with the wipe-up towel, and our clothes^Å
So things were lots, lots, lots better, all things considered. But not perfect.
Which is why I was back to talking to Connor on the phone; late at night. Most nights.
So when my cell rang last night -- Wednesday night -- the last week of school -- I didn't waste any time.
"Hold on a sec, okay?" I put the phone down, turned out the lights, put the desk chair in front of the bedroom door, and crashed back in bed. "Okay, I'm back."
"Are you naked?" Connor sounded amused.
"Oops. Wait a second." I put the phone down, slipped off my boxers and my t-shirt. And stretched out on my bed, nude. Feeling my smooth skin, the freedom of no clothes. I stretched again.
I like talking to Connor, naked.
"Okay. Now I am." I settled into position; cell in my left hand, right hand just gently beginning to play with my dick . . .
"What are you doing, the week of the twenty-first?"
"Huh?" I was expecting something a little, well, different.
"The week of the twenty-first. A week from next Monday. Are you doing anything?
I could hear -- tension in his voice. I knew him, by now.
"No. You know," I said.
We'd both signed on for advanced classes, this summer. The usual looks-good-in-your- permanent-record, early-college-prep stuff. But they started after Fourth of July.
"Brian and Travis are going up to the lake that week," my boyfriend said. "Nine days, actually."
"Yeah?" I gasped. My dick was almost instantly full-on hard. I mean, it took like no time.
I stroked it once -- yep. Hard.
I knew what was coming.
"They want us to come," said Connor, in a voice I recognized. He was stroking, too.
"Oh, Jesus," I gasped. Stroke, stroke. "Really?"
"Yeah. They do," he said. Softly.
"Same - ?" I started. I had the full erotic flush thing going, now My face was burning.
"Yeah. Clothing is not an option . . . "
"Uuuurrrggghhh -- !" I squeezed my dick, then snatched my hand away; I almost spermed, right there. "Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah . . . "
The idea of another weekend at the lake? With Connor? All bare, like before?
But -- NINE DAYS - ??
"Brian said -- if you brought your new digital camera, he'd bring his laptop. We can have a lot of fun with it . . . "
"Ohhhh . . . my god," I gasped.
I'd finally managed to buy the camera I wanted. The first picture I took was Connor -- of course. But I really, really wanted some pictures of Connor, nude.
A lot of pictures of Connor, nude, actually. And we hadn't had the chance, yet. Before now . . .
"So . . . can you come?" he breathed.
"Uhh -- yeah! Yeah!! Can you?"
"Duh. I wouldn't go, if you couldn't."
Okay. That made sense.
But there were still some questions.
"Connor. Remember that first night at the lake? We talked about -- you, and, and, me, and -- your brother - ?"
"Yeah?" His voice was really ragged, now.
"What about -- this trip?" I really, really had to know.
"He said . . . Brian said . . . it's okay for him. As long as it's times when we're all together. And, really into it. As, as, a foursome," he whispered.
I could tell he was getting close. Stroking or not; my Connor was so excited, he was about to come.
"Ohhhhh, yeah. I'll want you to myself most of the time -- "
"Yeah!"
"But . . . Oh, Jesus. The four of us . . . " Stroke, stroke. "And . . . that's okay with Travis?"
"Uh-huh." I heard a kind of half-laugh, between the gasps. "He said Travis is really, really into it." Another pause. "You have to promise not to say anything . . . "
"What? Yeah! Go on!"
"He said, Travis is, like, really, really sexual. And sometimes Travis kind of wears him out . . . " Connor was whispering, at the end.
"Ohhhhh, god," I whimpered "Ohhhh, Jesus . . . " I almost didn't dare touch myself; I was so close.
"It's okay with you?" asked my boyfriend. Softly. Cautiously.
"If it's the four of us. And I get you alone, other times. Yeah. Ohhhh, yeah . . . "
I LOVED Connor. Brian was -- well, family. In a special, sexual way. And Travis -- well, he was family, too. The same way. Brian and Travis were boys I knew and loved and trusted, in their own ways. That made all the difference; I wouldn't do it, with someone I didn't love, one way or another.
Besides. I knew -- I KNEW -- Connor loved Brian, and missed being with Brian. Sexually. I knew Connor wanted this; and that made it, so, so much hotter, for me. Unbelievably erotic.
Besides. Just the idea. The four of us; bare; nude; tangled up, in front of the fire, in the water, on that grassy ledge . . .
FOUR of us - !
"Sco-ottt?" Connor's breathing made two syllables out of my name.
"Yeah?"
"Brian and me -- well, there's a little more."
I was really getting to know Connor, by now. How he saved the mind-blowing part for last.
"Yeah?" I breathed. Stoke; stroke.
"We kind of talked about -- a few things," he went on. Voice dropping.
"Oh-kay," I said. Stroke; stroke.
"Brian said -- he really wants to help us both fuck Travis," he whispered. "Taking turns. Back and forth And that would make Travis really, really happy . . . . "
"OOOOohhhh . . . . . . !" I ALMOST came and stopped myself, at the last possible minute. "Oh, Jesus," I whimpered into the phone. "Really -- ?"
"Wait," he whispered back. Slight pause. Stroke; stroke. "Brian also said . . . he really wants to, to, fuck you. While you're fucking me -- "
"UUUUUNNNggghhhhhh . . . !!"
"AAAAAAaahhhhhg . . . !!!"
My parents said okay. They might not have, if Brian and Travis weren't going too; nine days is a long time. But they did.
It's going to happen. I know it's going to happen.
Me and Connor; back at the lake; naked, touching, in the water, in the sun . . . . Living nude, again. Making love to each other again. Rimming each other, again. FUCKING each other, again. Over and over.
And the rest of the time -- the FOUR of us. Nude; touching; rubbing together . . . FUCKING. For nine days . . .
I just have to remember to keep eating, until then. Butterflies; yeah.
Maybe I can get that protein directly from Connor . . . .
-end-
Naked with Connor -- RL
My deepest thanks to everyone who has followed this story, and especially to those of you who have written me.
Connor and Scott are based on two boys I went to high school with, who -- with 20/20 hindsight -- I'm sure were boyfriends. From the way they looked at each other, the way they touched each other, a few other hints; things I noticed, (including a specific incident in Biology lab,) that I wasn't supposed to notice.
They were discrete; but I was looking for it. They were also beautiful, in every sense of the word, and I've tried to portray them accurately, physically and in every other way, as best I can from the first-person perspective. (The names are different, of course.)
Brian is based on another high school friend of mine, who really was that loving and supporting and protective of his little brother. Not that they were sexual with each other; at least, I assume. But it was really touching, really kind of moving, seeing them together.
Fifteen might be a little young, for falling in love; but -- it happened to me. And, look at Romeo and Juliet. Or, for that matter, a real-life couple I won't name. They live two and a half blocks away from me; they met as 16-year-olds in an all-boys high school, and they're still together at 41. (To be honest, they're so thoroughly married, they're a little dull; but cute, nevertheless.)
I haven't portrayed any teenage angst over the "Am I gay?" question, because I was lucky enough never to have experienced it myself. I really did always know I was gay -- or more accurately, I was always strongly attracted to other boys, having crushes on other boys, feeling very sexual about other boys, that kind of thing, from a very young age. I'm not sure how rare that is; but like I said, I consider myself lucky.
Yes, totally uninhibited, naked outdoors sex really IS that wonderful. Even more wonderful. Wonderful-er. By far. Yep.
I hope everyone who reads this, gets to experience it.
Connor's lake is a composite of two places; Secret Cove on the Nevada side of Lake Tahoe, and the South Fork of the Yuba River, in the Sierra Nevada foothills (in California). Both are exquisitely beautiful places; both are popular nude swimming holes, with almost everybody being bare; and both are pretty heavily gay. And the sheer beauty of the nude boys and men, swimming and climbing and diving and exploring and sunbathing on the rocks and just plain enjoying themselves, is beyond any power of mine to describe.
Highly recommended.
Comments are welcome, to dlgrantsf@yahoo.com.
I think there might be a sequel. Not tremendously soon; but.
Thanks, again, for reading this story!