Mystery and Mayhem At St Mark's
by
Joel
Some of the Characters Appearing or Mentioned: Mark Henry Foster The story-teller: Pennefather Organ Scholar 2001+ Tristan (Tris) Price-Williams His well-proportioned boyfriend Francis [Toad] Foster Mark's younger brother Ivo Richie Carr Mark's cousin: chunky and cheeky with it Adam Benjamin Carr Ditto, as his twin Oliver Jensen A Musical undergraduate with allure Charles Fane-Stuart The Assistant Bursar and Research Student Professor James Tanner A formidable Mathematics don Gabriel Pack A most friendly Aussie Raphael Pack Gabe's younger, errant brother Joshua Gibbons Another friendly Aussie, Gabriel's cousin and minder Jacob Van Zyl A friendly solicitor but was badly crippled Barry Hall A young man with a past who is Mr Van Zyl's carer and caterer Nathaniel Tempest A church historian The Duke of Edinburgh The Chancellor of Cambridge University
- Exams are Looming
We still had to get through the rest of the term and lectures continued right up to the end. James Tanner didn't let me slack at all. I was glad of that. I and the girls were punctilious in completing the set assignments and we also struggled a bit with the extra work he set me. One blessing, it kept me from thinking about other things. Although I had experienced closure over the incidents, and I knew Tris realised I was OK, it was difficult for some of the others to also come to that conclusion. Oliver seemed the most upset but having seen me working and taking part in all our activities he soon calmed down himself. He was particularly concerned in case I tried to overdo things for the Chapel music and he and Ben did take on some more of the duties. Adam also kept a 'cousinly' eye on me as well and was very busy himself.
During the weekend at Ulvescott Manor the two old gentlemen, the Sheik and the Colonel, had talked to Adam some more about editing their Memoirs. He had brought back several notebooks they had filled and he was busy putting them onto computer as well as trawling through his own research on the College history and writing the paper on Johannes Knottus and his naughty ways as a lad. I knew he had also had long talks with Safar and his brother, Khaled, but their recollections of their early life before they were kidnapped were very hazy. Adam said that sometime he would ask the Ulvescott pair if he could tell us the tale, or even let us read the story.
Charles was very helpful, too. He didn't intrude but made sure that College life went on around us without interfering with our more ordered lives. He was pleased also in that his initial excavation had yielded up its own treasure. Two battered boxes with even more battered pieces of plate. As had been mooted, probably a decoy. The ring though was very valuable and was written up in various places and exhibited widely. But not only that, the archaeologists had also done soundings of the floor of his set and there was evidence of a large cellar underneath. A trial breakthrough was made and the cellar was there and had a collection of statuary rescued from numerous churches in the vicinity before William Dowsing the Puritan and his henchmen had a chance to destroy them in the 1640's.
Then we heard that the damage to the Chapel roof had revealed another Priest's Hole, the entrance of which had been bricked up in the tower stairway. Because of the money from the Finch-Hampton Bequest being used to renovate Hampton House and to build further student accommodation, so money would be forthcoming from the Pennefather funds to repair and make the tower safe. James Tanner put in a plea that one of the first things to do would be to repair the clock mechanism so he could see if his tutorials were over-running!
The brightest thing though was that the operations that Jacob had endured were so good he was getting about on crutches first and then just using a walking stick. He hoped that after Easter he might even dispense with that. Barry wouldn't be out of a job as he still had his catering course to finish and had already been asked if he would like to join the staff at Ulvescott Manor.
Tris went with Gabe to sound out accommodation for Raphael with Brad and he was highly amused hearing about his exploits. Tony and Terry were agreeable about having a younger lad in the house and we heard Raph would be arriving during July. He would be sorted out over the summer and could carry on at the local Sixth Form College for his A levels. Gabe was relieved but what was he going to do with him over the summer? No problem. Lorenzo had the standing invitation to stay at Rapallo and all four could be easily accommodated as long as Josh didn't mind sharing with his cousin and also being somewhat continent as his girlfriend would be doing a three month Voluntary Service stint in Africa attached to a convent.
As Easter approached we had to decide if we would stay in College and work through. No, we decided that at least a week of carefree abandon was needed. As Frankie would be taking his A/S exams and Laurent would be doing things towards his Baccalaureate we three flew out to the Villa and Laurent joined us there. It was only a week but Uncle Francesco and Aldo made us so welcome it was pure heaven as Guido, Ernesto and young Pietro were there as well. Laurent was even more the poised, French adolescent and put up with all the teasing and banter with such good humour. He and Frankie even managed to get Grandma Matteoli to stump up for a restaurant meal for the four of us as she thought they were such nice boys. Uncle wouldn't come. He said his Mother was a pain in the 'culo' and he loved her from a distance. "How many of you are coming this summer?" were his parting words.
The news when we arrived home was that Ivo and 'Tory on their visit to Rothenia had announced their engagement. The pair were smitten with the country and Ivo found he was now quite fluent and would be spending three more months consolidating his language skills and had heard he would be posted there from October. 'Tory was offered a job there, too, teaching English.
That left our cellar. Crispin Palfrey had sorted out a time schedule to allow Nat Temple to be free to remove the whitewash covering the murals with the help of an assistant. When we returned we hoped all might be revealed!
When we arrived back there was a note from Nat. 'Still one wall to do but don't be surprised with what you see. I've left some information on the table below.
N'.
We had the most tremendous fit of the giggles when we descended the stairs and saw the opposite wall. Sure, what we had seen before was there, the young man's head, the hands fondling the youth's genitalia, but now these small details were revealed as part of a whole complex picture. It was a Dionysian scene. Men and youths surrounded the central pair, now fully shown, and were dancing and looking exceedingly happy waving their tambourines and partial erections. The sheet of paper on the table with an arrow pointing to the scene explained that it was based on a cup dating from the mid-6th century BC which was now in a Munich museum. It explained that the men were the mentors of the youths. Iin Greek they were 'erastes' and the youths were 'eromenos'. Nat had written that in many other representations the youths didn't seem to be too pleased with the revels but whoever had commissioned these paintings had made certain that all looked happy in their involvement and the youths were all both well-endowed and tumescent which was also different from the originals.
Another piece of paper pointed to the back wall where the steps ended. This had a very explicit representation of a tall seated man with a large erection fingering a shorter youth carrying a net bag. The details said that in the original the lad did have a slight smile on his face and the scene was originally depicted on a red-figure cup somewhere about 480BC. Here he certainly looked as if he was enjoying every moment!
The three panels of the wall leading to the treasure cellar each had a cavorting satyr, one with a lyre, the next blowing through a pair of flutes and the third with a tabour and drumstick shaped like a smaller version of what appeared between his legs. We could just make out a lascivious leer on their rather blurred hairy faces, but their long waving tails and prodigious erect penises were a bit more distinct.
Tris and I looked at each other and heaved with laughter. Even if we charged only ten pence a visitor we would have queues from here to the Market Place and would make our fortunes! Frankie could be on the box office!! But!!! Had anyone other than Nat and his assistant seen what had been revealed? What would the College authorities say? Or do? Insist they were covered up again?
We were upstairs unpacking and still giggling when a knock at the door came. It was Nat. He was also grinning from ear to ear.
"Well, what do you think?" he said as we let him in and dissolved into laughter again. "I can tell you it's a bit better than all those dreary saints and doom pictures I've been uncovering in the churches."
I asked if anyone else had inspected the pictures. He nodded. "The Chaplain, the Dean, the Master, the Bursar, Professor Tanner, Mr Fullerton, old Dr Cavendish...., ....do you want me to go on?"
"And?" I asked, wondering when they were to be painted over again.
"They all wanted to know when I could clean off the big wall and I haven't a clue yet what is there!" He laughed. "That Charles Fane-Stuart has suggested we put a stair down from the back of his set where there is a sort of broom cupboard. We could then display the statuary and take out what was obviously a bricked up doorway to the left where there is no picture and open all of this up as a tourist attraction. It would solve a lot of the College's money problems and no one would be disturbed."
"Charles?" Tris said, "Wait until I get hold of him!"
"My dears," came the dulcet tones from the still open door, "Arrived back so safe and sound. Thank your dear brother for that delightful card of the fat dwarf in Florence he sent me, Mark, it was most appreciated, even though the Assistant Porter has given me funny looks ever since." He saw Nat. "Ah, Nathaniel, I see you are in conversation with the happy owner of such an invaluable collection of erotica as well as those other priceless possessions....."
Before he could go on Tris had stepped forward. "....Charles what's all this about tourists?"
Charles actually simpered. "Just a little quixotic whimsy of mine. I have discussed it at length with the Brigadier whose appreciation of the murals is quite limited. His good lady wife had to explain to him in words of one syllable that even Monty was rather fond of a couple of his young subalterns." The hands were in full motion. "I have suggested that the walls of my cellar should be painted with some suitable representations for the display of the statuary and the furthest chamber could have some replicas of the treasures found. I have suggested the title 'A Celebration of the Sacred and Secular' and the Master has been most agreeable and has contacted Mother whose artist friend might be amenable to complete the grand design for a reasonable fee."
"So, it's all been arranged?" I said. "I thought the Pennefather Scholar, i.e. me, had rights over the cellar here?"
"Precious Mark," said Charles with a hint of sternness in his voice, "I am sure neither you nor future Pennefather Scholars would stand in the way of progress and prosperity for the College. I envisage that even at a modest two pounds a visitor there would be some hundreds every day and those flocks of Japanese tourists alone would swell the College funds and allow numerous plans to come to fruition."
"Charles Fane-Stuart's plans?" asked Tris.
Charles nodded. "I have several ideas to allow the College to develop.
I have listed these and the Master and Dean have copies."
"And the time schedule for all this to begin with?" I asked, thinking privately that it did seem a good idea.
Charles held up his right hand and counted off finger by finger. "One. Nathaniel says he would need another two weeks to reveal the final murals. That is so?" Nathaniel nodded. "Two. Mr Damien FitzArnold could deal with one wall of the first cellar at the beginning of August after suitable lighting, air conditioning and stairways have been installed. That construction would be completed in July and is number three, then number four..., Mother's contacts in the props department of Elstree Studios would provide suitable mock-ups of the treasures and there would be a display of the admirable Leonard's photographs. During the rest of August and during September Damien would be able to deal with the greater part of the planned decoration. Lastly, a suitable booth would need to be set up by the wicket-gate which is adjacent to the proposed entrance to the depths. That takes us through September. With a fair wind I can envisage a grand opening for Freshers' week in October." This last said with a great note of triumph in his voice.
"And if I say no?" I said, and Charles' face fell. "But of course I wouldn't as long as I get free entry!"
"Bless you, dear soul," said Charles his animation back, "Here are the full plans and the time schedule which I have prepared." He flourished the folder he was carrying. "The Bursar has advanced the first installment to pay for the stairway and lighting. Mother is bearing the cost of the painting until sufficient funds have accrued. There are stone ducts from some previous usage of the cellar under my set which would hide the pipes for the installation of the air conditioning. I have consulted the Fellow in Marine Biology at Clare as he seemed nearest in expertise about effects of human breath on cave paintings as at Lascaux and he was much amused and has been most helpful....."
".....Charles! Charles! Charles!," Tris said to stop him in his tracks, "You're way ahead of us. And you?"
Charles smiled. "The post of Assistant Bursar will be announced as filled on the First of July."
What more could be said? We sat down and Charles outlined even more of his grand design. He was sure the old unused tennis courts adjacent to the Fellows' rather ornate Garden could be refurbished or utilised for some other purpose. Then there was unused space behind the Dining Hall. Perhaps a private Dining Club could be established. It would keep money the Hooray-Henrys spent elsewhere within the College. The Students' Combination Room needed a new bar and the profits from the bar seemed to be woeful. He was certain money was being siphoned off. New electronic tills could be installed and the old Steward got rid of and a new one appointed. As the old Steward was obnoxious he had our vote on that. He had also noted the large roof spaces on the fourth floor of the various stairways. His reading of the Servants of the Chapel logs had indicated these had been sleeping apartments for young male servants brought into the College by the richer students in the eighteenth century and unused since then. Properly divided off, renovated with all mod cons, they would make more student accommodation. He had certainly been doing his homework.
I had always, from my first meeting, thought Charles had more to him than the image he had conveyed with his theatricality and rodomontade. He said he was really committed to the College and with the prospect of a job he could get on with his plans and his research.
"My dears," he said, as the final plan involving full installation of computer wiring to all rooms was revealed, which had been promised by some large computer firm he had contacted, "We will repair to some good restaurant this evening as recompense for the shock of discovery of all these plans. Nathaniel, you will join us? You can tell us more about the originals of those rather salacious representations and how your research is progressing. I saw our handsome Adam on my way over so he will be invited, too."
It turned out to be both a convivial evening and a turning point for Adam. He and Nat had laughed again about the match where Ivo had lent Nat those spare shorts. They went off together as we said goodnight and I surmised to Tris that Adam might be contemplating that bare arse again within a very short time. Whether I was correct I could only guess but Adam and Nat hooked up together and on Dude's departure for London they became committed boyfriends. We all approved. Nat was a delightful character and he and Adam, we felt, would be a fine match for each other. The mystery of Adam's leanings were solved and we were all so pleased for his and Nat's future.
I had a couple of tutorials with James Tanner that week before exams started. At the end of the first, with nothing having been mentioned, I asked if he had approved of the wall paintings. "I wondered when you would ask," he said, "Come to lunch on Sunday and you can have a look at a couple of original cups that Pauli bought at auction some years ago. Bring Tris and any of the others. Just phone and tell Barry the numbers."
Phone Barry! I would see him on Friday at the Club. I'd asked around and with everyone being busy or having other arrangements it would be me, Tris, Gabe and Charles. Charles had never been to the bungalow but was highly delighted to be invited. Barry was full of news, too. He had been told he'd passed his year with flying colours. He was going to spend the summer at Ulvescott Manor and if he liked it then at the end of his second year when he had his diploma he could join the staff. It meant leaving the haven of the bungalow but he had been encouraged to think about it and he certainly wouldn't come to any harm. A special roast he said for Sunday and the carver in chief - me- would be there, too!
Brad was at the Club on Friday. I hadn't seen him since going to the Police Station to sign the statement. He had been kindness itself there and in the privacy of his office had given me and Tris a hug and said it had all been an awful business but all was resolved. That evening he said Dude would be getting a special commendation from the Chief Constable over his handling of the situation on the tower and the CC had asked him to pass on to me his best wishes. He said he had been told by Dude about the presence so I explained about my relationship with Piers and Ulvescott and how we all felt his watchfulness over us all. He nodded and said his grandmother had been Scottish and had the 'second sight' and he had experienced her foretelling of several incidents about family happenings which were unexplainable any other way. While we were chatting his son and friend came along and I felt the more I got to know Tony and Terry the more I liked them. I thought they would also be good for Raphael, however he turned out. It was also evident there had been a change in relationship between Terry and his brother Danny. They were truly loving brothers now and they, with Jonty and Tony, were planning a trip to Greece for sun, sea, sand and, whispered, sex, in the summer.
Our lunch on Sunday was a scream. Charles had insisted on a taxi to take us there. His flamboyance was somewhat subdued but his descriptions of past appearances in the revues had everyone in fits of laughter especially when he did one of the routines, the one as Marie Antoinette which I hadn't seen. Both James and Paul had seen him perform in a previous one but had no idea he was the famed Clarissa. Gabe's droll asides were much appreciated as well and he actually did the carving, maintaining that a joint of beef was much easier to carve than a kangaroo's leg.
So exam time came starting the next week. Four three-hour papers spread over three days. I had looked at old papers wondering if I would ever cope. As instructed I tackled as many of the long questions as possible and found I could make headway on all I had a go at. Things paid off. I'd had a real go at revising Bolzano-Weierstrauss, Green's Functions and Cauchy Sequences and saw very nice questions on vector spaces and complex methods. In fact, in three of the papers I did more than was necessary as I polished off several of the short questions as well. Tris found his tutorials with Mr Fullerton and his visits to his father's Chambers paid off. He said he had to make certain he answered the number of questions required as he found he had to leave out material he thought was relevant and only sketch in or mention it.
I went with Tris to find his result at Senate House. He made me look. Tristan Price- Williams was in the First Class category. He had succeeded far in excess of his wildest dreams he said when I whispered the result and hugged him and kissed him with all the other students around. We, or I hoped, he, got a cheer. We hurried back to the set. We locked the door and spent the next two hours in the most glorious bout of love-making imaginable. We were shedding tears of joy, affection, exhilaration, relief and boundless love as I entered him at his command. We fucked so slowly we managed that acme of sexual rapture as we spurted our precious seed together, I in him and he over both of us as I fell onto him and clasped him tightly to me. My Tris, my love!
That night the champagne flowed. Charles insisted that Mother foresaw the result in a dream and had commanded Mr Horrid of Harrods to deliver sufficient of the divine essence in time to celebrate a dazzling conclusion to Tris's University career.
My results were posted two days later. I shook my head in wonderment. I had not only been placed in the First category, too, but there was a note in my pigeon-hole from the Faculty stating I had been awarded an Exhibition for my study for my Finals Year. Admittedly the Exhibition was only worth fifty pounds but it was an honour and would look good on my CV.
In fact, all our staircase had achieved good results so we were able to finish the champagne in high spirits. High spirits? Charles had decided that he would make a final appearance as Clarissa at the May Ball entertainments as he felt that soon his looks would fade. We egged him on and got him quite worked up as we all insisted he already needed a facelift at least but, if not, he would just have to apply several layers of make-up to cover the wrinkles and lines.
"My dears, it will be a celebration of all things past. I will be Helen of Troy and I will need a good number of the most hunkiest amongst you for all the tales I shall tell. Perhaps not too historically exact. Dear Homer will nod, I fear."
Homer may have nodded but the assembled masses certainly didn't. A fiercesome crew of Greek soldiers battled for her attention as swathed in a swirling mass of chiffon Clarissa strode the battlements of Troy, as in Lord Leighton's painting, spouting the most profane but exquisitely funny descriptions of all that was going on. Adam was a very handsome Paris and carried off Helen, not bodily but figuratively! Achilles and Patroclus were acted by Tris and Oliver while Gabe made a doughty Priam. A Trojan Horse was dragged on at one point which could only accommodate two hidden bodies and they had to get back in to retrieve their swords. 'Only little ones' was Helen's dubious comment. It was all a glorious mix-up and various minor characters had to be invented to take care of the twenty or so volunteers. The last bit involved Helen waving goodbye to the heaving mass who, brandishing oars, ended up with a rather risque version of the Eton Boating Song, as they, supposedly, were about to embark on the homeward voyage to some unknown homeland. The refrain 'We all pull together' could have been interpreted in more than one way from the uninhibited gestures of a number of the sweaty underdressed crew. The hoi polloi clapped and cheered and, once again, the champagne flowed freely later.
Towards the end of term there were two further excitements. Firstly the visit of the Chancellor for a Convocation so, during the morning before that occurred, his small party came to the College. A select band of College worthies were in the welcoming party. The Duke had said he particularly wanted to see some of the treasures so these were displayed in the Chapel. But first he wanted to see the cellar. My set had been not only tidied and cleaned by the industrious duo of Liam and Sean, but also inspected and searched and scanned for devices by a couple of very amused Special Branch Officers whose faces were a picture when they emerged from the cellar. Nat had uncovered the final wall which was a representation, he said, of another famous scene from a cup. This time of courting men and youths. He said on the cup they were clothed. On the wall the draperies were minimal to say the least.
I and Tris, with Nat Temple, me in my undergraduate gown, they in their graduates' gowns, were introduced to the Duke as he came into the set. He had already been well- primed. I wondered how he would be as I'd heard he didn't suffer fools gladly and was rather short-tempered. Not a bit of it. He shook my hand and said he'd heard I'd solved the puzzles. I said "Yes, sir, I had". I explained about the stop knobs and the code there was simple. 'Pull the Gambe'. I asked if he would open the door. He laughed. "I'm glad you didn't say what you wanted to. It would have been in every newspaper, eh?"
I led the way down to the cellar followed by him, the Master, Tris and Nat, plus a couple of the University dignitaries and a Special Branch officer. There was a loud guffaw. He looked at me and his face crumpled into a grin. What he said then is not for publication but all the party were in fits. He asked Nat about the details and there was a twinkle in his eye as Nat explained the scenes had been copied from known sources. The Master then said there was evidence that the cellar had been used as a drinking club. As a parting shot I pointed to a couple of barish patches near a questing hand. "I understand, sir, there may be some retouching necessary." He heaved with laughter.
The next venue was the Chapel. I had to explain the code here which was displayed on a large board. Again, he knew what he was looking at. He spent some time looking at the St Guthlac's Psalter and I heard him saying to Dr Masterton that he valued one his mother had had. As he left the Chapel I got a very special handshake. I hoped the Convocation meeting wouldn't be too boring as he'd obviously enjoyed his visit to St Mark's.
The other momentous occasion was the ceremony in Senate House when Tris was awarded his degree. His mother, father and Shelley were his guests but Mum, Dad and Francis came as well. We watched as the graduates marched along Trinity Street to the Senate House quadrangle in their BA gowns and white-furry-edged hoods. He was handed his scroll and he was now a graduate.
Frankie was itching to tell me something as soon as we had met earlier on. He poked me in the back as Shelley gave her brother a kiss. "Pugsy's OK now!" he whispered, "Don't tell Tris I told you." He, of course, was also itching to see the uncovered walls. Toad could be kept waiting, though. He kept chuntering on and I knew Dad and Uncle Nick wanted to see everything as well. But, as Tris's was the morning ceremony we all walked to the Garden House Hotel for lunch. Toad couldn't finish his fast enough but we had to sit while Shelley divulged that she had decided to take a degree in Equine Studies as she wanted to have a riding stables of her own. Uncle Nick's face was passive. At last, we all were ready to walk back, replete, to the College. Toad was sniggering. "Equine bloody Studies! Learn how to shovel horseshit into neat piles I guess!" Luckily we were walking several yards behind the rest of the party so that was not overheard.
"Tell me about Pugsy," I said as we lingered longer watching a rather inept punter almost losing his pole.
"Last weekend," he said and gave me a conspiratorial grin. "Lent 'em your bed...."
"...You what!" I expostulated.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Matey!" he said, "It's seen enough other activity and there was no way them having it off otherwise."
"You were the pimp, I suppose?"
He nodded. The grin grew wider. "I like that. Anyway, didn't take them long and they're both satisfied now." He snickered. "You should have heard her squeal...!"
"Frankie! You were listening?"
"Well, I couldn't help it. I had her friend Minky in my room."
"So, number two, eh? All OK? I don't have to arrange Special Treatment tests for you?"
"Marky!" He was nodding, though. I assumed at noting it was his second.
"Minky? I haven't heard of her."
"That's what I call her. She doesn't know. Her name's Carey."
There was more to it. "Why Minky?"
"You are bloody slow, sometimes," he shook his head. Then whispered, "Fucks like a mink!"
"Frankie! That's not the way to speak of a young lady especially if she's your girlfriend."
He shook his head. "Not my girlfriend. She just likes it and I'm available any time."
"Any time?"
He was on a high. "Yeah, three times last week. Had to put her off for tonight. Round hers tomorrow night as she's baby-sitting her young brother. He's ten and it's costing me a fortune keeping his mouth shut!"
I laughed. "That and condoms! Used up all that money Uncle Francesco gave you?"
"Not quite," he said, "May need a loan, though."
I got out my wallet. I'd been to the hole in the wall the previous day. I handed over three twenty-pound notes. "Yours. Keep it. Should keep his mouth shut for a couple of days."
He grinned. "Ta, thanks, Marky." He sniggered again. "Can't get enough. Want more every time. Guess you're the same, eh?"
"Fishing?"
A typical Toad sneer. "Don't need to. You used to make Tris squeal enough!"
I gave him a poke in the back. "Still do!" Two brothers sharing a confidence!
But, I wondered how long Minky would last. If she was as willing and able and could put up with Frankie's no doubt incessant desires and that well-formed prick of his she would be well satisfied. I just hoped she was on the Pill as well and no mishaps occurred.
The cellar was next. Dad was allowed to open the door. We all filed down, Frankie leading the way. The screams were horrendous. Mum and Auntie Di were clutching each other looking and pointing at the dancing scene. Frankie was just giggling, especially at the lad having his balls jiggled. Dad and Uncle Nick were laughing at the satyrs where Nat had also uncovered a motto underneath each. It was the same in Greek, Latin and English: 'spende bradeos'; 'festina lente'; 'hasten slowly'.
Term was now officially over. Next year would be my Finals year. Tris would be at Law School. I would need a new room-mate. Someone we could both trust. Oliver. And Gabe's brother Raphael was due.
To be Continued: