Hey hey, I'm back! I bet you all thought I died or something, huh? 'For Always' is almost ready to go out, sorry I'm slackin so bad with that story. Anyway, here's something to tide you over (or make you hate me...) until the next chapter of it. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Gay? No. Bi? Maybe. Fiction? YES! ::gets off her soapbox::
===== My Unlove Story Copyright 2000 Ice
Yeah, unrequited love sucks. Especially when you know there's not a snowballs chance in hell for you to get what you want. Especially when you lay your cards out on the table only to find out you lost. Especially when you hear it straight from your best friend's mouth...
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It was real dark that night. Surprisingly that's the thing I remember most. I had JUST gotten home from going to see 'Me Myself and Irene' with Chris and the rest of the guys. I came home to the house we shared. Yeah, we shared a house. Not enough rumors going around about us boyband members, we had to go buy a house together and make some more.
I walked through the front door that night, still chuckling over the part in the movie where you could hear a whistle coming from Jim's nose every time he would breathe...
The minute I set foot in the house, Justin ran up to me and pressed his lips against mine. Jesus Christ, I remember exactly how it felt... and the taste of liquor on his lips. I still had my eyes open for that nanosecond of a kiss. He pulled away and tightened his arms around me. Strange I remember every detail of how his lips felt against mine, but I don't remember his arms around my waist.
He slightly turned around and I saw it. Britney was standing at the couch, with a furious look on her face. She said nothing as she picked up her purse and stormed to the door, where I was still standing. As she brushed by me, I heard her call me an asshole. Asshole? Why the hell was I an asshole?
The minute she left, Justin grabbed the door and slammed it shut. He sighed and leaned against it. I just stared at him in shock. He seemed to remember my presence in the room and looked up at me. His eyes filled with remorse.
"Shit," He said running a hand through his unruly curls. "I'm sorry about that, I just... We were fighting and..." He slurred out, grabbing at his head. God, he was so drunk.
"It's alright," I told him. I pulled his trembling hands from his head and he wrapped them around me. He leaned his face into the crook of my neck and I had a hard time trying not to melt. I just ran a hand over his back while I hugged my lifelong best friend. "Wanna talk about it?"
He just shook his head.
So we stood there in the darkness for a good ten minutes, hugging. I couldn't walk up to my room and leave him there in the state he was in. His body started to sag and I could tell the alcohol was having some other effects. I pulled away before he fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked up at me with his sweet blue eyes and smiled.
"Thanks Josh, I really love you man," He said. I smiled. He was real drunk, he only gets emotional when he's wasted.
"Yeah yeah, I love you too." I told him. I put my arm around his waist and started to help him up to his room.
"No, I really love you!" He said a little louder. That's when I looked at him, a little confused.
"You're like my big brother who always takes care of me and stuff." I just let go of him and stared at him a bit. What the hell, right? He's not going to remember this in the morning anyway. Yeah, I was just trying to make it easier for myself.
"I know. Hell Justin, I'm in love with you, so believe me when I say that I know I'm the big brother figure in your life." Holy Christ. I don't remember the first time I saw my father hit my mother. I don't remember the first time I had a tooth pulled. Shit, I don't even remember the first time I had sex.
But I do remember the first time Justin Timberlake looked at me with utter agony and pain in his eyes. That look... It made me want to go out and kill whoever it was who put it in his eyes. Then I remembered it was me doing it.
"Josh, you know I love you more than anything in this world," He started out. I noticed then his eyes started filling with tears. I tried as hard as I could to say something, anything to stop him from continuing.
"But I just don't love you like that." He said. I swear, I heard my heart breaking. "I CAN'T Josh." His voice broke a little when he said my name, and I could tell he was holding back sobs. I looked into his eyes and they had tears - oh GOD tears! - in them. I nodded and pulled him back to me. I rubbed his back some more and let him cry a little.
I knew it was his fight with Britney that upset him, and not the news from me... And if it was, it was only a slight bit. I took him upstairs and put him in bed, tucking him in and telling him it's alright.
I really do accept it. Now I can try my hardest to get over Justin.
Yeah, fat chance.
After giving him a goodnight kiss on the forehead, he promptly passed out. That was when I left the room quietly to go sulk and cry in my bedroom.
Which was exactly what I did. I laid down and cried for almost a good hour. I cried because I just told Justin I was in love with him, something I NEVER intended on doing. I cried because Justin didn't love me back. I cried because as serious as he was, he was too drunk to remember this in the morning.
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And that's what happened. He never mentioned it in the morning. Maybe he didn't remember. Hell, maybe he did and didn't want to hurt me some more. Justin's too sweet to put me on the spot like that and make the hurt even worse.
After the fight with Britney they officially called it off. I found out later he was trying to break up with her, and he told her we were together. Oh God did that hurt. THAT was what the kiss was about. The kiss that broke my heart.
That was over a year ago, and I'm still thinking about it.
Someday I'll get over Justin. Really, I will.
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Well I hope you enjoyed it, depressing as it was. If you liked it, hell if you didn't like it, email me and tell me so.
Ice