Sent: Thursday, October 25, 2007 11:27am
MY TEN MODELS by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2007 written on November 14, 1993 translated by the author English text kindly revised by John
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"MY TEN MODELS" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
CHAPTER 12 - The horoscope was right
Andrew and I didn't have sex. We just caressed, touched, gave each other some light kisses. He listened to me, then told me about himself. We were almost like two friends searching, one in the other, more for comfort than enjoyment.
It was already one when I asked, "Andrew, do you want me to call you a taxi?"
"You want me to go?"
"No... I was just saying it for you..."
"Nobody is waiting for me at home. Will it annoy you is I stay? If I spend the night here with you?"
"No, on the contrary. I'm feeling good with you."
"The same here. You're different from the others. We can talk some more, or sleep. Do you have a bed here?"
"Yes, in the other room. Do you want to come?"
"Sure."
We laid on the bed. We embraced. It was good feeling his nakedness against mine, free of an obligation to fuck... We resumed talking, lightly caressing each other. I told him again about Henry. He asked me some questions but he was mainly listening.
I don't know what time it was when we fell asleep. When I woke up it was already high morning. Andrew was still sleeping and his face had the sweet and serene abandon of innocence. I lightly caressed him. He opened his eyes and smiled.
"Good morning, Andrew." I said.
"Morning, Shaun."
"Did you have a good sleep?"
"A wonderful one. How about you?"
"The same."
He felt I had a hard-on. So he said, "I would like making love with you, Shaun."
"I too..." I answered and bent on him to kiss him.
He returned my kiss and we gradually started making love, slowly, with gentleness. We sucked, took each other, without needing a word, spontaneously, as if we had known each other for ever. And then we laid down, embraced, relaxed, continuing to caress each other.
"Are you feeling hungry, Andrew?"
"A little..."
"If you feel like, we can go out for breakfast."
"Alright."
We put on our clothes. Just before going out, I handed him the fifty pounds.
"No, please... I don't... It has not been just a fuck. I really wanted to make love with you..."
"But you spent all the night with me, for me. I should give you even more than that."
"I felt so good with you... don't give me money, please. Don't spoil everything. You and I will probably never meet again, I think, but... let's remember this encounter as a moment of friendship."
I felt he was sincere, therefore I didn't insist. We went downstairs and I offered him a good breakfast.
He looked at the clock on the wall. "I have to go now, unhappily. Listen, I was thinking... if you can't talk with your Henry, if you are not able to tell him, why don't you write to him? Give him a letter. And... take the risk. If he is a real friend, at worst he will say no to you, but without breaking your friendship. And everything will stay as it is now. Will you do it? Will you write him?"
"Yes, possibly..."
"Anyway, best wishes... sincerely."
"Thank you, Andrew."
"Don't mention it. With you I've spent one of my best nights. And also a wonderful awakening. Thank you, Shaun. Goodbye."
I looked at him going to the underground station. He turned to wave his hand at me, and went down the stairs.
I went back home. I started immediately to write the letter for Henry. I don't know how many sheets I have torn up. At the end I surrendered and gave up writing it. I went to lie down on my bed. On that bed where Andrew had been the first and only one who made love with me. On that bed where I could have had Henry... my Henry...
I looked at my watch - six more hours before he came. He would undress... I would paint... we would talk, but not of the only thing that I really had at heart. Why was I such an idiot? Why was I not able to speak out, to tell him?
I went again out for lunch. I didn't feel like cooking. Time seemed to never pass. I went back home. Took a shower, not so much because I needed it, but just to pass the time. I dressed again and went to the atelier to look at the painting of Henry that I was doing.
He was half stretched on a meadow, under an ancient crabbed olive tree, as if he was waiting for something to happen, for someone to come...
The door bell rang. I went to open feeling my heart drumming very strongly. He came in He had with him the bags with his photographic equipment.
"Hi, Henry, I was waiting for you. Why did you bring your cameras?"
"An idea. I'll tell you later. How are you?"
"Fine, thanks."
We went to the atelier.
"Do you feel like making me a coffee. Shaun?"
"Sure. Come to the kitchen, while I do it."
He followed me. "You know, Shaun, I was thinking that I would like to start a career as a photographer of artistic nudes. The same model, who I photograph and you paint... What do you think?"
"It could be interesting. We can find the models together, you can fit out my atelier as your shooting set..."
"Yes, good. But... I would like to do first some tests, and... and I would like you to be my first model."
"I?"
"Yes, you, sure After all I'm sitting naked for you. Can't you also undress for me?"
"Well... yes... yes of course..." I answered hesitantly.
"I haven't yet seen you naked..."
"You could be disappointed..." I said with a smile.
"I really don't think so. Anyway it's worth trying."
"As you like."
"Does it bother you undressing for me?"
"No... not at all."
"So I too can finally see you naked." Henry said, his eyes smiling while he was sipping his coffee.
I said nothing We were looking at each other. He put down his coffee cup and I mine.
"Can we start?" he asked, standing up.
We went back to the atelier. Henry took off the bags his equipment.
"This time, to start with, it's your turn to undress." He stated.
"As you like..." I answered feeling excited and embarrassed, and started to undress.
Henry was looking at me, at times through the lens, at times directly. He moved the spotlights. When I was totally naked, he smiled me.
"How do you feel, you being the model for once?"
"Somewhat embarrassed."
"I was too, at the beginning. You have a really beautiful body."
"You think so?"
"Yes..." he said looking at me from head to toe.
And all of a sudden my mind was lucid and I was master of myself, self-confident.
"You undress too, Henry." I said.
"Now?" he asked slightly surprised.
"Yes, now." I answered more and more confident.
He put the camera down and started to undress, looking at me once in a while. And, as I knew would happen, as he was undressing I got aroused and got my usual hard-on.
When he was naked, I said, "Look at me. Do you see? Do you see what effect you have on me each time you undress?"
He looked between my legs, serious, and nodded, "I think... I think that your nakedness is now having the same effect on me." He said quietly while his member was indeed gradually stiffening.
"And do you know why?" I asked, moving a step towards him.
"I think I know, Shaun... I think I know..." he answered almost trembling.
I took one more step. "Tell me why..." I then said looking in his eyes. "Tell me the reason." I insisted stretching an arm and seizing his hand.
"Because... because I desire you, Shaun!"
"You desire me? And I, then?" I asked.
"You... as well?" he hesitantly asked.
"Doesn't it seem obvious you?" I said with a smile and gently pulled him towards me.
"Shaun, I..." he murmured but I embraced him, and kissed him on his mouth.
I felt him shudder. I shuddered with him.
And finally I whispered, "I am in love with you, Henry. I am crazily in love with you..."
"Oh, Shaun... it seems impossible... I too am in love with you! Since the first day I came here, and you smiled at me... Good Lord! I love you, Shaun!"
He held me tightly to him and we kissed again. We stayed there, standing in the centre of the atelier, clinging and almost cuddling each other, kissing with great emotion.
"Come here, Henry... on my bed..."
"Yes..."
We would have been looked funny, half-embracing, walking almost askew, hastily, risking stumbling on each other's feet. But we didn't want to part. We reached the bed and went on it still enlaced, laid down tightening our embrace, intertwining our limbs, feeling with pleasure each other's erection.
"Good Lord! You love me!" Henry panted.
"Yes, love. And you love me.. and it took so long for both of us to understand it and tell each other!" I said, happy and moved.
"You are talking of love, right? Not just of desire..." Henry asked me in a low voice.
"Of course. Also desire, but above all love."
"Yes... I desire you too, Shaun, and love you. My god, how wonderful it is! How happy I feel! So, then... you want to be my man!"
"Certainly. And you mine..."
"Sure!"
We lay there, tightly clasping one to the other almost as if we were afraid of losing each other after having finally met; afraid of being separated now that we were truly together.
"Shaun?"
"Yes, love?"
"Nothing... It's just than now saying your name has a new taste."
"I love you, Henry."
"Yes... say it again."
"I love you, I love you, I love you!"
"Shaun, my man..."
"Yes, love."
It might seem odd, but there we were, enlaced, tight, to kiss, to feel each other, to say meaningless words to each other for a very long time but filled with happiness. We were really way out of time and space.
Then our embrace gradually became less tight, because we started to caress each other, to explore each other bodies, to kiss everywhere. Our mutual desire was increasing, strengthening, and his desire was feeding mine, and my desire was nourishing his own. We were hungry, thirsty each one for the other, for the other's love, for the other's body.
"I love you, Shaun!"
"I love you, Henry!"
We were never tired to repeat it, to read in each other's eyes the happiness, the desire, the passion.
"It seems me like a dream having you here, Henry..."
"Yes, it's true... I was afraid it would never happen."
"You are so beautiful, Henry!"
"You are beautiful! You're totally beautiful!" he said and went down to nibble one of my nipples.
"Oh, Henry, I want to be yours! All yours... only yours!"
"Yes, my love, and I too."
Our caresses, our kisses were becoming more and more intimate.
"Take me, Shaun, make me yours!"
"Yes, my love, and then you will take me, won't you? You will make me yours too, won't you?"
"Sure Henry, I want you."
"And I want you. Nothing and nobody will part us, that's right, isn't it?"
"Absolutely!"
And finally we united. Gestures made on other occasions, with other people, seemed now to be new and different. It was as if it was happening for the first time in my life, because they weren't gestures inspired by desire, by passion, though they were also present, but inspired by the reciprocal love that we could express for the first time, that we were experiencing together for the first time.
If on that distant night, in Florence, when Giovanni penetrated me and I discovered my gay dimension and the beauty of the physical relationship between two men, now thanks to Henry, I was discovering the dimension of love and the beauty of the love relationship between two males.
Possibly without Giovanni there wouldn't have been Henry, but without Henry there wouldn't have been this fulfilment of my life. If to penetrate or be penetrated by one of my past models had been to experience the pleasure and the enjoyment of intimate physical contact, now to penetrate or be penetrated by Henry was to experience the true and deep sense of the union that makes of two beings one unique flesh and one unique soul.
I was in the seventh heaven. And after having experienced mutual ecstasy, just staying there, still enlaced on the bed, was an experience of a sublime beauty.
"Shaun, I'm feeling so happy!"
"I too, my love."
"But it's late... I have to go."
"Already? I'll feel lonely..."
"You're telling me!" Henry sighed.
"I would have you always here, now, always with me."
"I too, Shaun. I was happy doing my army service, before. But now..."
"How long, still?"
"In the army? Ten more months."
"My god! Ten eternal months? They will never pass..."
We had to part. I took my car and saw him to his barracks. We could just stealthily squeeze each other's hand before he got out.
"I would like to kiss you, Shaun..."
"Yes. We can do so just in our thoughts, unhappily ..."
"God, what a pain! And for two days I will not be off duty..."
"Good lord! You cannot even call me?"
"Oh yes, I can manage a telephone call."
"Will you?"
"Of course."
"What time?"
"12:40."
"12:40 sharp?"
"Of course."
"Be careful, because at this point even just a minute late would be suffering..."
"I know, my love. I'll be punctual."
I watched him giving his salute to the orderly then disappearing through the gate. I started the engine and went back home. I was feeling inside me happiness and sadness, I laid on the bed again - it was still showing the mark of his body and his scent, even though faint...
The day after, at 12:40 sharp the telephone rang. Or to put it better, it just started to ring as I rested my hand on the receiver.
"Hi!"
"Hi, love!"
"Am I punctual?"
"Yes, my love. Thank you."
"How are you?"
"Good, because I hear your voice. Bad, because you are not here with me."
"I too..."
"You can't talk freely, can you?"
"Right. But you know what I'm thinking, don't you?"
"That you love me?"
"Precisely. And a lot."
"Do you miss me?"
"Terribly."
We talked like that. My heart was drumming in my chest out of happiness just hearing his voice.
"Will you call me tomorrow at this same time?"
"You can bet on it."
"Good lord, how much I do love you!"
"I do too. I'll call tomorrow."
"Yes, tomorrow, my love. You will always be in my thoughts, in my heart..."
"Yes, it's the same for me."
"I kiss you."
"Deeply, I too. Bye..."
"Bye... I'll cut the line..."
"Yes, thank you...Bye."
I went back to the atelier and looked at the painting I was doing.
"My lover!" I thought with pride and joy.
It was a weird period. We both needed each other, at that point. The little time we could spend together was intense, splendid, but seemed us so very short. We didn't make love all the time, even though after all we both desired it, because we were feeling that we couldn't share just the bed. I was going on painting him, and he shooting pictures of me, we were going out for a walk or to do the shopping. We were trying, whenever possible, to live a real, normal life. But time was a hard master.
When we were making love, each time seemed to us more beautiful than the previous one, because we were learning to know each other better and more intimately. Our separations were like empty parentheses, spent waiting to meet again.
Auguste called me, so I told him that, finally, Henry and I had become lovers. He was happy, gave me his congratulations and promised me he would come to visit us.
It did me good having been able to talk with Auguste, and at that point I became aware that really I didn't have friends to whom I could communicate the joy of having found a lover. I didn't really have so many friends and the few I had almost certainly would not have understood and accepted my being gay. Even less would they accept that I was a gay man in love, whose love was reciprocated. I was sure about that, above all because I could very well remember the public attitude towards gay people before I set out on my journey to the Mediterranean. I hadn't realized it at the time, but I now recalled their witticisms, their amused quips and their remarks in bad taste. When I met Henry again, I talked with him about it.
He smiled and said, "What does it matter! I have a couple of real friends who are gay, and also a couple who are not, who know about me. About the others, we don't need to tell everybody but neither to hide it. Some guy who can understand and accept us, well, it would mean he is a true friend. About the others, we'll lose them, but it will not be a great loss, will it? Don't worry about it, Shaun. It is their problem, not ours."
"It is also our problem, love. The fact that I cannot kiss you when I bring you to your barracks, for instance... If we were a boy and a girl, we could kiss, but we can't."
"You are quite right. It possibly is less heavy for me because I've been used to it for a long time. Since I was just a kid I have always known I am gay, therefore I grew used to such things, to such differences. It's difficult for you because it's only a little more than a year that you've understood you are gay, so you feel the difference between then and now. But even though society at large doesn't accept us, we will find people accepting us. It is anyway not so different for coloured people, for gipsies, for immigrants. They too didn't choose to be born that way, and they too are not accepted. People are mean, and we unhappily have to learn to live with their meanness."
"But we can't just accept it; we can't give up fighting against all this."
"Fighting, well yes, at times it's good to fight. But, above all, we can't allow our dignity to be trampled on, we can't accept their game, being made to feel guilty, being victimized. Whoever doesn't accept my being gay doesn't make me feel different or inferior. He just shows he is different, cheap, not quite human"
"Are you proud being gay?" I asked him.
"No, not at all, as well as I'm not proud of being tall or being born an Englishman, or... I just am like this, nothing more. I'm neither proud nor ashamed. And if someone hates me because I'm English, for instance... so much the worse for him, as he is the idiot. It's the same for being gay."
"You know, Henry, I've decided I will change the subject of my paintings... at least in part."
"How? Won't you paint your beautiful nudes any more?"
"Yes, I will, of course. But I will paint gay couples, lovers portraits. To show how beautiful they are, to allow everybody to read in their eyes the love, the affection, the tenderness, the passion, the desire of a gay couple and make them feel it is good. This will be my... crusade."
"Good, I like it. Even though this can possibly... decrease your sales. Besides gay people, who do you think would buy such paintings?"
"That isn't definite. If it is true, as they say, that I am a good painter, as I have success with my male nudes, and it has not been just gay people who buy them, in the same way, I'll have success with my couples. Anyway... I feel I have to do so."
But, besides the problem of telling or not telling about us two being a couple in love, the real problem was the little time that his army service let us to be together. It was really bad for both of us. Months were passing and yet seemed to never pass. Auguste came to visit us and he invited us, once Henry was free of his army service, to spend a period as his guests (your honeymoon, he said) at the Côte d'Azur. Henry was excited at this thought, and we accepted.
When Auguste left us, I asked Henry if he wasn't jealous about my past adventures, mainly about Auguste with whom I had still contact.
"Jealous? No, not at all. You have had your adventures, as well as I have had mine. And anyway I think I had more adventures than you. I know that you are now in love with me, and only with me. I trust you, I trust your love. Why should I be jealous?"
"Auguste is a beautiful and likeable boy..."
"Sure thing. If you weren't my lover there could possibly still be something between you two, as well as, if we weren't lovers, there could be something between Auguste and me, as I like him. But the reality is that you love me and I love you. Therefore for us, Auguste can just be a friend, can't he?"
"Certainly, that's right."
"Well, then?" Henry concluded and kissed me.
I very much liked his assurance about our love. I too was feeling more and more self-confident near him. And we were gradually getting to know each other better, more intimately, more deeply.
Henry told me about some of his previous and more significant experiences. His first time happened when he was fourteen. He was hitchhiking to Scotland. At one point he got a lift with a fairly good-looking young man. Henry wasn't thinking about anything like it, but when the young man made him understand his aim, his curiosity got the better of him and he thought - why not? Like all adolescents, he wanted to experience sex, even though still in a confused way. So the young man made a detour to a country dirt road, stopped amongst some bushes and they started touching each other. As it was the first time for Henry, he was feeling awkward and clumsy. But his companion, although he was twenty-five, showed he was just as awkward as Henry, if not more.
The young man tried to penetrate Henry, who was game, but was not able to slip into him even a little... It was a real disaster, so Henry was just hoping that it would end soon. Anyway, those awkward attempts had left on him a strong desire to try again, an evident desire for a man, more strongly than he had felt before.
That same summer, in Scotland, while he was sunbathing on a lake shore, he met a local farmer's boy, a young lad of seventeen, who, on the contrary, was a real expert. So for the first time, Henry really had sex, and with real satisfaction, during all the time of his vacation. When he was back home, he first found a companion in the boy-scouts, then a neighbour too, a man in his thirties and this one taught him how to really make love in a good way. After them he met many other gay people, both of his age and older than him. But he never fell in love with any of them, until he met me.
I asked him who, amongst his past mates, was the one with whom he had had the most sexually satisfying relationship.
"I was seventeen. To earn some pocket money I was baby-sitting. When they wanted to go out for the evening, a young couple often called me to care for their one-year-old son. He was twenty-three and was so beautiful as to take one's breath away, and also very likeable. Each time I went to their home, I literally devoured him with my eyes.
"One evening, I went to their place. She had asked me by telephone if I could stay there all night, because she was going to he mother's village and would spend the night there, while her husband had to stay at his work-place till six in the morning, because of a sudden emergency.
"I had therefore brought my sleeping bag to sleep on their sofa. When she left, I checked that the boy was sleeping well, left the communicating door open so that I could see his little bed and hear him if he cried, undressed staying with just my briefs on and slipped in my sleeping bag on the sofa. It was rather hot, so I left it totally unzipped.
"I had just fallen asleep, it was around ten at night, when he came back home. I woke up when I felt him sit near me on the sofa. Sleepy and somewhat dazed I asked him if it already was six in the morning. No, it's just a quarter past ten in the evening, he said. How come you're already here? Didn't you have to spend all night at work? So I can go back home, now. I said sitting up on the sofa. He said - no, we paid you for the whole night... and it wasn't true I had to work until tomorrow morning at six, but just this evening till a quarter to ten. It was just a pretext to have you stop here, because I want to spend the whole night with you.
"With me? Why? I asked still somewhat dazed from having been awakened. He caressed my chest, and I at once was aroused and he told me - I've noticed how you always look at me. I want to make love with you. Well, then I was fully awake and also my desire had awakened, so I asked him - are you gay? No, I'm bisex, and I like you, and you too like me, don't you? I was more and more aroused and answered - yes, to die for.
"He then said to me - then come to the other room with me, on the double bed. I followed him. He undressed and was really wonderful. We made love, he was hot, passionate and really skilled. We fucked almost all the night long. He said to me - I'm okay with my wife, I love her, but once in a while I also need a good cock, he told me. And in fact the most of his attention was for my cock that he wanted to taste both in his mouth and in his ass, besides fucking me... He was really skilled in bed, and was able to give me incredible pleasure. After that first time we managed to find other occasions and pretexts to be together and to fuck.
"But once his wife caught us in full action on their bed... She didn't kick up a row, she just told him - make your choice, him or me. And of course he chose her, because anyway, he loved her. So they never again called me and we never met again."
"Was he better than me to make love?" I asked him.
"Don't talk bullshit. With him they were just good fucks, with you it's love. There is a gulf."
"But did he fuck better than me? I insisted.
"I don't know. I don't care. But I don't think he did. He just wanted to enjoy himself, and also make me enjoy only for having me there. You on the contrary care only to make me happy. This gives you a special sensitiveness that he couldn't have. Anyway, why are you causing yourself such problems?"
"I'm always feeling a little afraid not to be enough for you, not to be adequate, not to be able to give you what you desire, what you need..."
"Silly man! You are giving me your love. What more can you give me? What more can I desire?"
My extraordinary Henry! How not to be in love with him?
We did spend our "honeymoon" very happily on the Côte d'Azur. As soon as we were back to London we looked for a new flat, in order to have more space for his photographic atelier, and he started to shoot his artistic male nudes. They were really beautiful, sensual, erotic pictures.
We've now been living together for five years. He is well known as a photographer and has already published three really beautiful albums that have achieved real success. Also my paintings have a good market, including my couples of gay lovers. Thank to Thomas I'm also selling in the U.S.A. and thanks to Jules and Auguste, in France too.
Auguste found love, and he is now in a steady relationship with Jacques, Jules' former driver.
I don't know what tomorrow, next year, or future will reserve for us. But up to now our life has been wonderful and Henry and I are really enjoying it. Many know, understood or guess that Henry and I are lovers, and it seems that everybody is accepting us, and in fact, we are always invited out together, as a couple...
We are happy. Life is smiling on us.
THE END
In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, please e-mail me at
andrej@andrejkoymasky.com
I've plenty of new stories to translate into English, but I need a good reviser before posting them. At present I've nobody helping me to revise my translations. Would you be one?