My Secret Love

MY SECRET LOVE By D. Laws

Warning: This does contain material involving same sex relations, if you are offended by this in any way then don't read it. This is only for fun, and not meant for anything else.

Part Nine

The bright light of the sun shown through the window. I yawned and stretched, and looked down at the beauty before me. Lauri laid curled in my arms still sound asleep. I smiled to myself looking upon her. She looked so innocent and beautiful laying there. My thoughts of the night before flashed through my mind as I smiled and leaned over and kissed Lauri on her cheek, and gently caressed her face.

I had found my one true love, she was it for me, and it scared me to death. Last night was so beautiful and so loving, but I wondered if it would last, if she would still go back to her husband. Those thoughts haunted me. I loved her so much, I just couldn't lose her now. I shook those fears from my mind as I stroked Lauri's face as she gently stirred before me.

She moved slightly and opened her eyes and looked up at me smiling.

"Hmmm...good morning sweetheart," she said smiling up at me showing

so much love in her expression.

I looked down at Lauri still caressing her face as I leaned in and softly kissed her lips. "Good morning," I said feeling so much love for this woman before me.

We both moved into each other's arms, moving closer as we wrapped our arms around each other feeling our nakedness pressed into each other. We pulled each other even closer, embracing and feeling our love and comfort. We laid in each other's arms for a little while longer before the sun motivated us to finally get out of bed. Neither of us wanting to move from each other's embrace. I felt complete to finally be in her arms, I couldn't possibly see myself this way with anyone else.

I leaned down and kissed Lauri again softly before I sat up. Lauri moaned as I moved from her grasp.

"Where are you heading?" she groaned.

"I'm going to freshen up in the shower...your more than welcome

to join me." I smiled down at her.

Lauri looked up at me and smiled but didn't move, so I got up and went into the bathroom and started the water. I ran my hands under the water waiting for the water to get warm. As soon as the water was warm enough, I jumped into the shower cleaning myself up. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth while I was in the shower, and placed my toothbrush down on the counter as I finished up soaping my body, letting the water wash all over me.

I heard someone come into the bathroom and peeked around the curtain as I saw Lauri brushing her teeth, so I went back under the water to finish washing myself and was about to turn the water off and get out when I felt Lauri's hands come up behind me, rubbing her hands up and down my back.

I turned around and faced her and smiled. "So you decided to join me afterall," I said as I leaned into her kissing her deeply. Lauri leaned into me and kissed me back as we let the water run over our bodies. Lauri grabbed the soap bar and seductively run the soap up and over my breasts and down to my center. I began to feel the fire begin in my body again as I felt my wetness between my legs. Lauri manipulated the soap, caressing all over my body but focusing on my breasts and my clit with the soap. I couldn't help myself as a soft moan escaped my mouth. I took the soap from her and pulled her into me as I kissed her more passionately now.

I pulled back and ran the soap all over her body, doing the same that she had done to me, running the soap up and around her breasts, and down to her center. I lingered my fingers momentarily on her clit stroking her clit up and down and in circles with my fingers till I heard her slightly moan. I felt her wetness increase as I continued to touch her. I pulled her into me as we both kissed harder and deeper as we let the water wash the soap off our bodies. Our hands roaming over our bodies, touching, caressing as we were oblivious to the water and our surroundings as we let our passion get the best of us. All that could be heard was our moans and lovemaking as we both kissed and loved each other in the shower bringing each other to climax.

We kissed softly now as we washed our lovemaking and wetness off our bodies before we exited the shower. I got out and grabbed a towel and handed one to Lauri as I helped her dry off. Next thing I knew we were embracing each other again and passionately kissing each other again. We both dropped our towels, and walked into the bedroom as we both laid down on the bed and began to make love all over again learning new positions and same positions from the night before. We made love most of the day, only taking breaks to eat and use the bathroom, before we found ourselves in each other's arms once again. Our passion never seemed to stop, but only consumed us. We couldn't get enough of each other. It was like we had been waiting for the other our whole life, and now that we had found each other we didn't want to let go of that, and wanted to make up for our lost time apart.

After a day of making love we finally made our way downstairs to get something for supper. Since we were both exhausted from our lovemaking, and rightfully so, we both decided to order in and relax for the night. We ordered a pizza, and put a movie in to watch and relax for the rest of the evening. We were all worn out, and rested in each other's arms as we cuddled and watched the movie.

I looked up at Lauri and smiled as I cuddled more into her. She looked down at me and stroked my hair and told me how much she loved me and wrapped her arms around me pulling me more into her as we settled in for the night in front of the tv. We both dozed in and out of sleep before realizing it was getting late, so we made our way back upstairs again.

We both climbed into bed after changing, and cuddled into each other. Lauri leaned into me, kissing me and holding me close to her. I reached up and stroked her face and told her I loved her. "I love you too Samantha," she said softly to me as we both fell off to sleep in each other's arms.

The next thing I remember was that damn alarm going off at 5am. I had forgot that Lauri had to be up early for work again. I felt bad for her. She must be exhausted I thought to myself. I felt Lauri get up from the bed as she leaned over and kissed me good morning before she headed into the bathroom to get ready.

An hour or so later I felt her touching my face. I opened my eyes and smiled up at her. "I'm leaving now Samantha for work. I'll see you at lunch later, okay," she said as she leaned in and kissed me one last time.

"Have a good day Lauri," I said groggily. " I love you"

"I love you too sweetheart, go back to sleep now. I'll see you

later," she said before she headed out the door.

I met Lauri later for lunch as we talked about our love, last night, and how much we loved and cared for each other. Our relationship definitely seemed to have taken a different direction then I had ever imagined. I had given up all hope that Lauri and I would actually become lovers, but now that we had, everything seemed so anew to me.

I wasn't content anymore knowing she was married. I wanted to have all of her to just myself, and she would definitely have to choose. We didn't talk about the future yet, but I had hoped against all hope that somehow we would find a way to together, but maybe I was so blinded by my love for her that I couldn't see reality staring me right in the face(her husband)! But I chose to ignore those fears as I continued on my fantasy of a life with her.

The rest of the week was so wonderful. We loved each other all week, and I truly found myself falling more in love with her. I couldn't possibly see my life without her. She asked me to stay on longer till her children came back, but beyond that we didn't discuss our outcome of what was to come of her and I. I didn't want to know. I could only see our love that we shared, and my love I had for her. As each day went by, we only grew closer.

Each day she would head off to work, I would occassionally visit school again and meet up with Shirley a few times, but normally I would stay home and keep busy till Lauri came home. I would usually cook for her, which I had come to enjoy doing so much for her, though we both took turns in the kitchen. Lauri wouldn't have it any other way, she loved my cooking, but felt it was only fair that we took turns, besides she loved it just as much as I did cooking for me as an expression of her love.

We spent our evenings usually relaxing in front of the tv, making love, sharing and enjoying our time together, just basically doing anything and everything together. We enjoyed sitting around and talking about our life and childhood, and just enjoyed each other's company.

A few weeks had gone by now, and I knew the time would soon come for me to move out before her kids returned home, unless she chose to ask me to stay on, but she never did. As far as her husband, I wasn't sure where he fit into all of this anymore. Lauri finally opened up to me one night and told me the reason why they were separated. Her husband had been unfaithful and had been in an adulterous affair, and left to be with this other woman. Beyond that Lauri never told me more, so I never pushed it, for I could tell it was too emotional for her to talk about.

This evening I was planning a romantic dinner and night for Lauri. I cooked us an italian meal from scratch with salad and dessert. I was finishing up in the kitchen now waiting for Lauri to come home from work. I had candles set around the room with soft music playing in the background and a bottle of massage oil awaiting the both of us. I wanted tonight to be special and romantic so I set the scene for a perfect dinner and night. I finished up by placing candles and a vase of roses on the dining room table, finishing it off with the final touch of our wine bottle chilling on ice. I looked back and admired the view before taking off my apron and heading upstairs to change into something more sexy and to freshen up before Lauri got home.

I finished up in the bathroom and came back downstairs before Lauri arrived home. Lauri came in momentarily and looked around the living room and smiled at me. "Hmmm...Samantha something smells wonderful," she saw the candles and walked up to me and kissed me hello. "The place looks wonderful darling. Looks like you have been working hard this afternoon."

"Oh your worth it though," I said smiling. "How bout you go up and

change before dinner."

Lauri leaned into me and kissed me one last time thanking me for all my hard work, before she headed up to get changed into something more comfortable. She soon came down wearing a light summery dress that looked really sexy on her. I complimented her on how good she looked and she just smiled.

I dished up dinner and we shared a very romantic dinner as the music and candles set our scene. After sharing and enjoying our dinner we retired to the couch. We cuddled on the couch for awhile kissing and holding each other before I got up and returned with the massage oil. I didn't want things to get too heated with our passion before I was able to deliver a very slow and erotic massage. I wanted to tease her first, seducing her with my very romantic setting and slow erotic touches. I wanted her to want and desire me, almost begging me to make love to her till she couldn't stand it no more.

I laid a towel on the carpet and had Lauri lay down removing her clothes so I could give her a full body massage. I placed a towel over her, covering her lower body while I exposed her upper back to begin my massage. I rubbed some oil on my hands, warming the oil before I began to slowly and seductively run my hands all around Lauri's upper back. I run my fingers up to her neck, massaging and kneading at her muscles. I felt Lauri relax into my touch as she slightly let our little moans with each touch of my hands over her body.

I worked my hands down to her lower lumbar region and massaged and kneaded at her muscles pushing deep within her muscles to relax her more. I poured some more oil on my hands, and slowly removed the rest of her towel over her body as I rubbed my hands up and down the length of her thighs to her toes. I massaged her feet for a while before slowly massaging and bringing my hands up to her inner thighs bringing my fingers so closely to her center but quickly moving my hands away before she could enjoy the feeling of me touching her. Gradually though I massaged closer and closer up and down her inner thighs to her center till finally I was directly massaging her clit.

Lauri was moaning and lifting her hips up from the floor giving my hands better access to stroke her clit and allow my fingers entry deeper into her. I slowly let my fingers enter her and began to thrust my fingers deeper within rhythm of her hips. I teased her to the point of almost bringing her to climax before I pulled my hand away and turned her over.

Lauri grumbled with frustration as I let out a small chuckle. I enjoyed this game of seducing her. She was so wet, and at this point begged me to touch her and make love to her. I poured more oil on my hands as I began to massage her shoulders, her arms, till my hands gently caressed her beautiful breasts and nipples. I couldn't help myself as I leaned forward and sucked one of her nipples in my mouth, as I caressed and massaged at her other breast.

Lauri was so turned on by this point that she kept pushing her hips up into me, wanting me to touch her center and bring her to orgasm. I slowly let my hands slide down her stomach resting slightly on her center before I dipped my fingers inside of her. Lauri gasped as I began to stroke her. Her passion consumed me, and I found myself to be the one losing control as Lauri aggressively pulled me into her pulling off my clothes as we hungrily rolled on the ground kissing each other hard and touching each other's centers thrusting our fingers deeper into each other as we both were moaning uncontrollably.

I rolled on top of her as I began to thrust and grind my hips into her. Lauri pushed her hips up to meet mine as we found ourselves nearing climax as our hips continued to thrust and press harder and faster into each other. I ground my hips harder into her as we were about to cum.

Suddenly the phone rang. I momentarily was distracted and stopped thrusting my hips. Lauri out of breath told me not to stop and kept grinding her hips up into me.

"Come on sweetheart, don't stop!" she begged me, as I continued to

kiss her and neared climax, but we both stopped immediately as we

heard the voice on the machine. We laid motionless turning our heads

towards the phone listening to the message.

A man's voice was on the machine and I knew immediately who it was by the expression on Lauri's face.

"Lauri, this is Jim. I know honey you probably don't want to talk

to me after all this time, but please give us this chance. I miss

you. I know I made a mistake darling. I've left this other women.

I don't love her, and I only want you. I want us to work our

marriage out, not just for the kids, but because I love you and need

you in my life. Please, Lauri, pick up if your there. Lauri?

Okay, maybe your out. Can you please call me back when you get in,

or can we talk please? I'll come by tomorrow to see you. Please

Lauri we need to talk. I love you." Then we heard him hang up.

I swallowed in shock, as too, did Lauri. I didn't know what to say. Lauri got up silently showing no emotion as she picked her clothes up from the floor and got dressed. I waited for her to look at me, to say something to me but she sat there in silence. I stood there looking at her waiting for something, but she wouldn't even look my way. I grabbed my clothes and ran up the stairs and got dressed. This phone call was my wake up call, and by Lauri's expression and lack of, towards me after this gave me my answer. I knew what I had to do.

I grabbed a bag and threw it on the bed, and started to pack my clothes as I felt the stinging hot tears run down my face. I loved her with all of my heart, but I should have realized that she would never leave her husband for me, and I had to face that reality and devastation. I was totally heart broken, but I couldn't come between her and her husband. She would have to leave him because she didn't love him or want him anymore, not because I forced her into that position. I want her to love me for me, and only me, but deep down in my heart I knew that was impossible for she was in love with two people. I loved her too much, and that is why I had to let her go and give her back her life.

I finished packing as I collapsed to the floor as I sobbed uncontrollably. I could hardly move, I was so devastated, but now I had to put on a strong face and face Lauri downstairs. I got my sobbing under control, wiped away my tears, grabbed my bags and headed down the stairs. I walked down the stairs and saw Lauri sitting with her legs curled up in a ball crying.

I went up to her, asking for something, some response, but she refused to respond to me. I looked back one more time and told her I loved her, and walked towards the door. Suddenly she screamed out for me not to leave running up to me hugging and pulling on me. I dropped my bags and held her as we both cried.

I pulled away trying to regain my composure. I looked into her loving eyes with so much love and hurt that was reflected back towards me. I asked her one simple question. "Do you still love him?" She hung her head and said nothing for I knew she still did.

I felt my tears hot upon my face again, "Can I ask you another question?" I said crying as I spoke. "Lauri, if your husband never cheated on you, would you and I have ever happened?" She hung her head, but I lifted her chin towards me. She cried as she looked into my eyes and said, "No."

I turned my head with hurt and pain as I began to walk out the door but she still clung to me pulling me back. "Please don't leave Samantha, I do love you, and need you in my life. We'll work this out, please, stay with me." she begged and pleaded.

I saw the love but also confusion in her eyes. "I can't be in the middle of you and your husband Lauri. I love you too much. I need you, and only you, but I won't be your little pawn in this. I can't be with you if you sleep in his bed. I'm sorry Lauri, I'm so sorry." I said crying and turning away from her.

"Please!" she cried out, "I love you!"

"Oh God Lauri, I love you so much," I said as I pulled her in for

one last passionate kiss. "God if only you could tell me you didn't

love him, and only wanted me, but you can't."

I turned and walked out of her life for good. Lauri collapsed to the floor screaming out to Samantha crying but it did no good, for Samantha left her. Lauri remained in that position all night in a ball, crying and sobbing for she had lost the best thing in her life. She couldn't stop it from happening for what Samantha had said was true, she did still love her husband and was in love with them both, and for the life of her she didn't know what to do, nor knew how she could ever live without Samantha either for she loved her with all of her heart.

Samantha had run outside to her car crying uncontrollably. She couldn't look back for she knew she would give in to her. She loved her so much and couldn't imagine her life without her, but she had to leave, run from her. Samantha climbed into her car and made the heartwrenching drive away from Lauri's house leaving her for good.

The next few weeks before graduation were the hardest for both Lauri and Samantha. They hadn't seen or made contact since then, and they both were miserable and depressed and missing the other, but neither one would give in and call.

Samantha was running again, like she did in her past. She had to get away from all of the hurt and pain. She did her best and sent out resumes to everyone out of state to find a program she could start immediately soon after graduation where she could acquire her clinical skills and work later on. She figured nothing was keeping her there anymore, so she needed to get away from it all. She had to get away from Lauri, and instead of facing her fears, she was running from them yet again.

One week before graduation she received a call. There had been other responses to her resumes but this one took her the furthest away from all of her hurt and pain. A call came in from Pennsylvania.

"Hello, may I speak with Ms. Pearson please?" the person from the

other end asked.

"Yes, this is Samantha Pearson speaking."

"Hello Samantha, my name is Dr. Johnson, I'm calling from

Pennsylvania. You sent us your resume and cover letter explaining

your situation with obtaining clinical requirements as well as a

job postion later on. Well I have a proposition for you, if you

are interested?"

"Yes, go ahead, " I said eagerly.

"Well I have two practices here. I supervise and run the clinic

here at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, and also

have my own private practice as well. You could help me and

assist me at the university and gain your clinical requirements

that way. And if you pass your boards and promise me a contract

to work at my practice afterwards then I'll hire you. Now let me

tell you, there are others I'm considering but your resume and

cover letter intrigued me. If your interested let me know, but I

do need to know soon as we want to hire someone as soon as possible."

"Well, Dr. Johnson, there's no need for you to wait any longer for

my answer, there's nothing holding me here, " I said sadly,

"I graduate in a week, and as soon as you need me there let me know.

Give me enough time to get moved first but I can start as soon as you

need me."

"Okay, that is great then Samantha. We'll be in touch then. I'll

send you off the necessary paperwork and will be seeing you soon."

"Thank you Dr. Johnson for this opportunity."

"Oh and by the way, you can call me Patti. Dr. Johnson is so

formal. If you're going to be working for me then get use to calling

me Patti, everyone else does. I'm pretty laid back but you'll find

that out when you come here." I could hear the smile in her voice

and I could tell that she was going to be a wonderful person to work

for.

"Thank you Dr...um.. I mean Patti. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye Samantha."

I hung up the phone. My excitement was short lived as my thoughts of Lauri and the sadness there filled me, and how I wish things could have been so different. But I knew this was the only way. I had to leave for I couldn't live in the same town and be around the woman I loved if I couldn't have her.

The arrangements were made and I was moving a few days after graduation. Dr. Johnson sent me all the forms and it was all set. I called and made arrangements for movers to come and pack my things, so all I had to do was jump in my car with a few of my things and drive out there.

Tonight was my graduation, though I was pleased this day had finally come a heaviness was still with me. I met Shirley early for dinner before we headed over to the auditorium. I tried to put on a happy face for Shirley, as we chatted for awhile over dinner discussing our future plans. I had to hide my sadness for no one could know and find out.

"So Shirley, what are your plans after graduation?"

"Hmm...well I'm not too sure Samantha. I sent some resumes out and

have a few responses, but I have family out East and I'm thinking

maybe I might go out there."

"Oh really!" I said surprised.

"Why?" Shirley said looking at me puzzled.

"Oh I just think it's a small world is all. You see, " I said

smiling, "I just took a position out there and am moving to

Pennsylvania after graduation. I've been offered a great opportunity

to finish my clinical requirements and work as well. In fact, I

might even try and get my Masters degree there if I have time."

"Wow, that's great news Samantha. Well if I ever make it out there

I'll have to look you up."

"Yeah, you better do that!" I said smiling. "Well, we better head

on over to the auditorium." I said taking a deep breath.

"Yes, graduation...finally!" Shirley said excitedly.

We both made our way over to the auditorium and prepared for the ceremony, dressing into our graduation gowns and hats. I walked in the bathroom straightening my gown and hat trying to be happy for myself but I knew this would be the last time I would see Lauri. Actually this would be the first time we would see each other again since I left her house. I didn't know how she had been doing, or what she had been doing for neither of us had attempted to call the other. Maybe we were both too damn stubborn to give in, or maybe our fears and the truth of reality of things held us back. I don't know. "Well maybe this is for the best anyway," I said to myself as I finished straightening my gown in the mirror.

Back at Lauri's place she was feeling the same things Samantha had been feeling the past few weeks. She wanted to call her, to tell her that she loved her but felt that maybe Samantha was better off without her. "I've hurt her too much already, it's probably best this way anyway." She said sadly as she wiped away her tears. Lauri looked into the mirror fixing her makeup from the tears that had washed over her face. "Get yourself together here, Lauri. Samantha can't see you this way at graduation." Lauri said trying to put on a strong face before she left for the auditorium.

Lauri's children had been back now, and sadly Lauri agreed to take her husband back. She thought she should feel happy since her husband was back in her house and life again, but she couldn't stop thinking of Samantha and loving her. Everytime her husband touched her she felt such a sadness for she wished his touches were Samantha's. She still loved her husband, but something was different, something had changed. Or maybe it wasn't that anything changed, maybe she just never really loved her husband as deeply as she loved and still loves Samantha. Her husband thought that Lauri's rejections to his touches was from his unfaithfulness, and Lauri just led him to believe that, as she told him it would just take time to heal from that. Though in her heart she truly meant time to heal from losing Samantha, though she knew she would never stop loving Samantha, and would never get over her, but maybe with time she thought, the hurt wouldn't be as bad.

I walked out into the auditorium and took my seat next to Shirley and the other students as our graduation ceremony began. We sat there listening to speakers, and our instructors as each went up there and spoke to us congratulating us on making it this far. When Lauri was up there saying her speech I couldn't tear my eyes away from her, as her eyes found mine as well.

For a moment time stood still as our eyes met, then Lauri looked away and finished her speech before calling each of us up to the stage to receive our diplomas. My name was called as I slowly left my chair and made my way up to the stage. I felt my palms sweating and my heart beating out of my chest as I got closer to Lauri. She congratulated me and handed me my diploma. I could still see the love and pain in her eyes, as our eyes momentarily met once more. I returned to my seat with my diploma as we waited for the other students to receive their degree.

When we all returned back to our seats, we stood awaiting our speakers signal congratulating us as we threw our hats up into the air and cheered. We turned to each other and hugged and congratulated each other, hugging and crying and saying our final goodbyes and wishing everyone well. I came up to Shirley and we hugged each other. She promised to look me up if she made it out East, and we hugged goodbye. After saying our goodbyes the auditorium was becoming empty for many had left. I was about to head back to my apartment when I felt a hand tap me on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Lauri.

She congratulated me and asked me how I was doing. I told her I was well, though that was a strict lie. She said things were okay with her as well, though I think we both knew otherwise and that we were only being polite with each other. I told her I was leaving the day after tomorrow and she got this distant sad look in her eyes even though she wished me well. She asked me if she could come by before I left. I was a bit hesistant but told her it would be alright. So we said our goodbyes as we both turned and walked away from each other. I looked back momentarily at her as I saw her walk away. I took a breath, before turning back around and walking out.

Lauri walked off trying to hold her tears in as she didn't dare look back at Samantha, but she stopped and looked back momentarily as she saw Samantha walking off. She sadly sighed, remembering their memories together as she turned back around and walked out.

Moving day...

"Well that should be everything," I said to the movers as they

carried the rest of my boxes out of my apartment.

I finished loading some of my clothes and odds and ends in my car before looking back one last time at my apartment. I grabbed my keys, and smiled at the memories that I had shared here. More importantly was the memories that Lauri and I had shared and the love we had shared together, a part of me that would never let go, for I would never stop loving her.

I hesistated before leaving, I guess I had hoped Lauri would stop by before I left, but she never showed, and I couldn't wait around any longer for I needed to get on the road. I had a long drive ahead that awaited me. I walked out to my car and jumped in. I looked around one last time in search of Lauri, but I didn't see her anywhere. I sighed sadly to myself as I started my car and pulled out of the driveway. "I'll miss you Lauri," I said out loud, dealing with my own way of closure of saying goodbye to her for my own peace of mind. I turned the radio on as the song "Total Eclipse of the Heart" played, my own sentiments exactly, as I heard the words repeat over and over again in my head even after the song had ended.

"Once upon a time I was falling in love

now I'm only falling apart

nothing I can do...

Total Eclipse of the Heart...

Once upon a time there was light in my life

but now there's only love in the dark

nothing I can say

Total Eclipse of the Heart..."