AUTHOR'S NOTE: All I can say is - WOW! What an amazing response. You guys are great! I've been receiving SO many emails asking me to continue the story and focus on the plot. A lot of you have developed a connection to the characters and that means a lot to me. So, thank you. Please keep the feedback coming. I absolutely love hearing from all of you and apologize that I can't respond personally to every email. I'm trying - but have fallen WAY behind since Chapter 7 was released. ehlrich@hotmail.com
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Chapter 8
When the doctor walked in, Gary was standing at my bedside, holding my hand.
"Good morning, Mr. Branson," the doctor said.
"Hi."
"Do you know where you are?"
"Yeah. In the hospital. I was in a car accident. I remember."
"Okay, good," he said while making notes on my chart. "Do you know how long you've been here?"
"Gary said I've been here over a week."
"That's correct. You've been in a coma. We're all quite relieved that you've come out of it as quickly as you have," the doctor said as he laid down my chart and removed his glasses. He walked up to the other side of my bed and pulled a penlight from his pocket.
"Follow the light for me, Andrew."
My eyes fixed on the end of the penlight as he moved it all throughout my field of vision.
"Good," he said, slipping the penlight back into his pocket, "We have a lot of tests that we have to run on you in the next few days."
"Days? When do I get to go home?"
"Not for awhile, I'm afraid. We're still not 100% sure why you slipped into that little coma and we can't run the risk of sending you home only to have you slip into another one."
"You mean he's not completely out of the woods?" Gary asked.
"I'm afraid not. Although there was no obvious brain damage, something is obviously going on and we have to find out what that is."
"DREW! You're awake!" A familiar voice from the door said.
"Stace?"
"Hi, sweetheart," she said. Her smile was big enough to brighten the entire room.
"I'm going to call upstairs and see if we can get you in for an MRI and a CT Scan this afternoon. In the meantime," he said, shifting his focus to Gary and Stacey, "it is essential that he remains calm but awake."
Gary and Stacey nodded.
"And I'm leaving the two-visitor-max rule in place. I don't want your brain to be over-stimulated at this point. You guys can chat but keep the conversation light, understood?"
"Thank you, Doctor." Stacey replied - still beaming.
"Alrighty, I'll be back in a few. Call the nurse station if you need anything." And, with that, the doctor turned and walked out.
"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Stacey asked.
"Like shit."
"I can only imagine. How're you holdin' up, G?"
"I'm doin' alright," he said before turning to address me, "I'm just so glad that you're awake."
"Can you guys help prop me up a little bit more?"
"Sure, sweetie. Where's the bed controls?"
"On my side," Gary replied. "I've got it."
Stacey leaned over to make sure I was stable and Gary raised the head of the bed so that I was laying at more of an angle.
"How is everyone else doing?" I asked.
Stacey and Gary paused, looked at each other and then Gary answered quickly.
"Everyone's fine. It's you that we're worried about, hun."
'Hun?' I thought to myself? Had he just called me 'hun' in front of Stacey?
What was going on?
"Gary?"
"Yeah, babe." Gary replied softly.
"What happened?"
"Nothing, sweetheart. Nothing."
"Bullshit," I said as I forced myself to be more coherent. "Just because I was unconscious for over a week doesn't mean I'm stupid."
"We know that, D. But everything is really okay," Stacey said as she reached out and touched my arm.
"Don't treat me like a fucking child." I was getting irritated. They were obviously withholding something and for some reason, I was extremely impatient. The room was starting to feel incredibly warm.
"Drew. You have to calm down. The doctor said that you shouldn't.."
"FUCK the doctor. I want to know what's going on." My vision started to blur again. Jesus. Not again. Please - not again.
"Drew, we.." and the rest of Stacey's words faded in and out. I felt like I was trying to watch a tv station that wasn't quite coming in right. The picture and sound were garbled. I could feel my body getting warmer and warmer. Stacey yelled something....Doctors....I saw doctors....And Andrea....And Gary....Dr. Jenkins. The room was spinning and becoming very dark. I heard yelling....Gary....Stacey.....Doctors. I was getting too familiar with this feeling of time slowing down. I had to hold on. I couldn't go out again.
"ANDREW! Stay with me, dammit!" Dr. Jenkins was determined not to lose me again. I could feel my body temperature returning to normal and looked over to see a blurry image of the doctor pulling a needle out of my I.V. line. He had given me something. And whatever it was had started to work immediately.
"Andrew? Can you hear me?"
I could hear him. I could see him. But I couldn't speak. I managed to raise my left arm slightly and he took it as a sign that I could understand him.
"Your eyes are wandering, Andrew. Can you focus your eyes on me?"
I made every effort to control the muscles of my eyes.
"Good. Very good. Now I want you to just keep focusing on me, okay?
I managed a nod and could feel myself slowly regaining control over my body.
"Good. You just stay with me," he said as he reached over and put his hand on my shoulder. He looked away to one of the other people in the room and very sternly said, "Call upstairs and tell them that I don't care what they have to do - this patient is going in for an MRI within the next hour."
My MRI came and went without any problems. When they wheeled me back to my room, Gary and Stacey were gone but my mother was sitting in the corner chair waiting patiently.
"Hey, baby," she said as the nurses docked my bed with the wall.
"Hi Mom. How are you?"
"Nevermind me. How are you?"
"I'm okay. Really weak and really dizzy."
"How about the pain?"
"Just a real intense achy feeling all over. No sharp pain."
"Can they give you anything?"
"Not yet. Not until after they get the results of the MRI and figure out what's going on."
"Dr. Jenkins has also restricted your visitors to immediate family only."
"Why?"
"I guess Gary and Stacey got you a little too upset about something and he believes it might have been too much for you."
"Unfortunately, he's probably right."
"Sweetheart, if it's going to upset you at all, I don't want you to think about it."
"No, it's okay. They're just not telling me something and I think it might be something important."
"Ah. Gotcha. Well, don't think about it right now."
"I know. Nothing emotional," I paused. Did I dare ask about my father? I wasn't sure I wanted to think about dealing with him. My Dad was getting better at dealing with my sexuality but it had been difficult for him. My Dad is a real man's man (so to speak) and coming to terms with having a gay son wasn't easy. Especially since I was an only child. He didn't have another son that he could play baseball with or take to football games. It just wasn't my thing. He had never been mean to me but our relationship was awkward at best ever since I came out to him.
"So, where's Dad," I asked reluctantly.
"He has been here quite a few times but had to go back to work today."
I nodded in response. I wasn't terribly surprised.
"He's pretty shook up about the whole situation believe it or not. I honestly can't remember ever seeing him this upset."
"Really?"
"Hun, we can't talk about this right now. I know what an emotional person you are and I'm afraid this will just upset you. But, let's just say that your father regrets the past couple years. He doesn't really feel like he's ever been there for you and it's making him feel quite guilty."
Mom was right. I didn't expect to hear that. And, unsurprisingly, it was making me a little emotional. I could feel myself on the verge of crying.
"See what I mean, sweetheart. I can see it in your eyes. But you can't think about this right now. You can't."
"I know," and I did my best to put it out of my mind. Once again, she was right. I really couldn't think about this right now. I was petrified of slipping out of consciousness again. Too many things had happened since the accident and I wanted to know what they were. It's pretty sad, actually. The last thing I was thinking about was my actual health. I just wanted to know what was going on with Gary.
There was a knock at the door and I looked up to see Dr. Jenkins standing in the doorway.
"Hi."
"Hey, Doc. What's the verdict?"
"Well, we only have preliminary results right now. The full analysis will take a day or two. But, based on what we can see right now, I don't see anything that would explain your blackouts."
"Great," my Mom said sarcastically.
"There's a distinct possibility that your body is just still responding to the trauma of the accident. Everyone responds differently to this kind of physical strain. And, with all of your tests coming back normal, we're starting to believe that your brain is just trying to protect you. So, when things get a little too crazy, your brain decides to check out for a little while."
"So, this could just keep happening?" I asked.
"It IS a possibility that part of this is psychological. You may have to carry medication with you to prevent a blackout when you feel one coming on.
In the meantime, I'm going to recommend that you see a psychiatrist. I'll have Dr. Messier stop by sometime today. She's great."
"And what do we do to keep this from happening in the meantime?"
"Well, the medication that I injected before Andrew's last blackout is available in a dissolvable pill as well. So, Andrew, if you feel one coming on, you can place the pill under your tongue and you'll be fine. You may still go through the period of dizziness and disorientation but you shouldn't actually blackout. I'm assuming that you get a bit of a warning before it actually happens based on how you've described the others, is that correct?"
"Yeah. I get really warm. Then my vision starts to blink in and out and I get dizzy."
"It's not going to hurt you to take one of these if you don't need it. So, if you start to get one of the hot flashes, take one immediately. And, once we discharge you (which will be awhile), you'll have to get yourself into a comfortable position in case you actually DO blackout. You probably won't be able to drive for quite awhile."
"Jesus. This freakin' sucks."
"I know. But, once again, let me state how lucky you are. No evidence of brain damage, your leg is healing quite well and no internal organ damage."
"I know. It could've been worse."
"Precisely. So, here's a bottle of the pills," Dr. Jenkins said as he handed me a small bottle. "They're quite small and they dissolve immediately. Keep the bottle where you can reach it or just make sure you have someone in your room at all times."
"We won't leave him, Doc," my Mom said.
"Alright. So, as of right now, you're under observation pending the results of the MRI. We really don't have any other tests we need to run. If the MRI comes out clean and you don't have any more blackouts within the next 72 hours, we might be able to negotiate your release," he said with a smile.
"Thanks."
"I'll check in on ya' later," he said as he got up and left.
"Thank you, doctor," my Mom replied.
"So," Mom said, turning her attention back to me, "we're gonna have to set up a new rotation. I'm not quite sure that you're ready to have your father come in. I'll contact Aunt Jenna and your grandmother to see if they're available to stop in during the day."
"Have you been working at all?"
"Yeah, I've been goin' in for a few hours a day. I'll try to have them come in during the day and then I'll just stay here at night. Sound good?"
"Mom, you're gonna wear yourself out."
"I'm tougher than that," she said with a smile. I loved my mother's smile. It was always so comforting.
"I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, baby," she replied while stroking my hair gently.
The next 12 hours were rough because the doctor didn't want me to sleep at all. But, after that, time went by pretty quickly. I was sleeping normally and hadn't blacked out in days. Dr. Jenkins decided that it would be okay for me to go home under my mother's care since the MRI came back normal. My sessions with the psychiatrist seemed to be going well. I had seen her daily since Dr. Jenkins told me about his presumed diagnosis. We talked about the accident and some of the other stresses in my life (including Gary). I got emotional during the sessions but only needed to take a pill during our first session. And even then I don't think I actually would have blacked out - I just didn't want to take the chance. I was genuinely starting to feel better.
Mom helped me into the car. I still had my broken leg that I had to deal with and would be on crutches for the next few weeks. It wasn't easy to move around. If you've ever been on crutches, you know what I mean.
We weren't headed back to my house - we were headed back home. No matter how old you get, there will always be a difference between your house and 'back home'. Even if your house gets that comfortable feeling to it, there's nothing quite like returning to the place you grew up.
I smiled as we turned into the driveway and I saw the beautiful house that had watched over me through most of my life. It was the perfect size for a family of three. The yard was spacious and well groomed and the flower garden in the front yard was full of various blossoms. The house itself was a cranberry color with dark wooden accents.
When we got inside, all the familiar smells of home were there to greet me. The hardwood floors were perfectly polished (as always) and the old country style was just as I remembered it. I sighed to myself and felt the most relaxed that I had felt since the accident. I was home.
After settling in, it occurred to me that I still hadn't dealt with my father. He was currently away for another sales conference but would be returning later that night. It had also been days since I had seen any of my roommates. They had all called the hospital a few times to check in on me but the doctor still wasn't allowing any visitors. But, now that I was home, I had to face reality - which meant facing Gary.
Mom had made a nice comfortable area for me in the living room. She filled the sofa with pillows so that I could prop my leg up and it pulled out into a bed at night. It was remarkably comfortable considering that it was a sofa-bed. I had easy access to the television, a few new books that she had purchased for me, and the telephone.
As I reached for the phone, Mom walked into the living room to check and see if I needed anything.
"Who are you calling, sweetheart?"
"I was gonna call the house to see how everyone was doing?"
"Do you think that's wise?"
"Mom, I'm feeling much better. It'll be okay."
"Drew, I didn't want to push it while you were in the hospital but," she took a breath and then sat down next to me on the couch, "is there something going on between you and Gary?"
"WHAT?"
"Andrew, I'm your mother. I know you too well."
"Jesus, Mom - he has a girlfriend."
"I know that."
"So what would make you ask that?"
"He called me at least three times a day to check on you. When you were in the coma, he barely left your side. It just seemed a little....odd. He seemed overly concerned. I mean - he called more than Stacey. And you've known Stacey a lot longer than you've known him."
"He was concerned about me. What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. Don't get upset. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about anything."
"I'm not getting upset. And I know that I can always come to you. I...just...," and I allowed my voice to trail off. Should I tell her? Who would she tell? Maybe she could give me some advice?
"If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I'm not trying to pry. I'm just trying to help."
My heart sank.
"Mom. I love him."
"How does he feel about you?"
"He says he loves me too. But he's got Karen. I think he's really confused."
Mom scooted over to get closer to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.
I leaned into her and felt her hugging me even closer.
"I can tell that he loves you."
"Can you?" I moved my head so that I could look her in the eyes and I could feel tears coming on.
"Yeah. I saw him holding your hand and crying one day." That was enough to release the tears that had started to form and they started to gently fall down my cheeks. "I walked into the room and he didn't hear me come in. After I saw that, I kinda knew. I just walked out of the room and gave him some time before I went back and made a more obvious entrance."
"Why didn't you talk to him about it?"
"I don't know him well enough." She handed me a tissue that she had fetched from the coffee table. "Here."
"Thanks."
"Sweetie, I don't usually get involved in your love life. And I don't usually give advice. I don't believe in it. But, I'm gonna throw in my two cents if that's okay."
"Fire away."
"He's not ready. He's obviously not comfortable with his sexuality - whatever it may be. And you've been out for years now. Can you really help someone through that process AND date them at the same time? Especially considering everything that you're going through right now?"
"I don't know, Mom. But I do know that if I don't try, I'll never forgive myself."
"Then you have to do what you have to do. But you have to promise me something."
"I'll be careful," I said, anticipating what she was going to ask of me. She smiled.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt. You've been through too much. I thought we were going to lose you." And I could tell she was trying to hold back tears of her own.
"Mom, don't..."
"I know. I'll be good," she chuckled. "I'm just so glad that you're okay," she said as she leaned over to kiss me on the forehead. "I'll let you make your phone call."
"Thanks. I won't be long."
"I'll come and check on you in a little bit. I'll just be in the kitchen so yell if ya need me, okay?"
As I reached for the phone, I felt a pit in my stomach. The pit only got deeper as I started to dial. And deeper when the phone started ringing.
"Hello." It was Gary. The bottom of the pit dropped out and I felt like I was gonna hurl.
"Hi."
"DREW?"
"Yeah."
"OH MY GOD! How the hell are you? You're home?"
"Yeah, I'm home. How'd you know?"
"Caller ID."
"Ahhhh."
"So, how are you feeling?"
"Better. I still have the cast on but I haven't had anymore blackouts."
"Awesome."
"Are you alone?"
"Yeah, Karen and Stacey went out shopping."
"Gare, what happened in the hospital that day? What were you and Stacey keeping from me?"
There was silence.
"C'mon, Gare. I want to know."
"Well," he paused and took a deep breath. "Stacey knows."
"I know that. I told her awhile ago."
"That's what she said. But she knows everything now."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Why did you tell her everything?"
"I had to tell someone. Besides, everyone was getting suspicious with the amount of time that I was spending at the hospital. I really have been a mess, Drew. The thought of you lying there was killing me. Not knowing what was going on. It was just too much."
"Has Karen said anything to you?"
"I think she suspects something. She's been very concerned about you but she's also been very distant. She hasn't confronted me with anything yet but I think it's only a matter of time. I think she was just waiting until you actually got out of the hospital and we knew that everything was going to be okay."
"Jesus. What are you gonna do?"
"I can't lie to her anymore, Drew. I just can't do it."
"But, what are you going to tell her?"
"I don't know."
"What do you want from this whole situation?"
"I still don't know."
"She's going to ask."
"And I won't have that answer for her. I just won't. But I can't wait for her to figure things out either."
"Jesus." I sighed. I didn't know what else to say or do. I knew that I was dreading this phone call but I didn't expect this to happen.
"Andrew, I love you both very much. And I really don't know what to do about that."
"She's gonna tell you to go fuck yourself. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, I'm kinda expecting it. She probably will end up making the decision for me. But, at the same time, if I went back to her and told her that I regretted what happened and that I will do anything to get her back, I know that we can work it out!"
"And do you?"
"What?"
"Regret what happened?"
"Shit. That's not what I meant. I was just saying that if I decided that I couldn't be gay that I think she would be able to forgive me."
"You can't decide whether you're gay or not. All you can decide is whether or not you're going to be honest with yourself." That was probably the most forward that I had been with Gary since everything started. I guess a near-death experience will do that to ya'. I loved him and I wanted to be with him but I couldn't allow myself to be dicked around.
"Gare, are you still there?"
"Yeah," he replied quietly.
"Look, I didn't mean for that to be hurtful but it's true."
"What if I'm bi?"
"Are you?"
"I don't know. I don't know what I am. And why do we have to slap a label on it?"
"We don't. It doesn't matter to me what you want to label yourself as. What matters to me is that you're being true to yourself." I was suddenly feeling quite confident about what I was saying. I wasn't sure where the confidence was coming from but I was on a roll. "Don't get me wrong, I have a preference as to how this all works out but the most important thing is that you're going to be happy with whatever decision you make. But I know that if you tell her (which I'm not advocating that you do or don't), she will tell you to fuck off."
"I think they just pulled in. Hang on." Gary put the phone down and came back a few seconds later. "Yeah, it's them. I'm gonna do it now."
"WHAT? Are you sure about this? Don't make any quick decisions."
"No, it's time. I have to go. I love you."
"I...love you too."
"I'll call you back as soon as I'm done talking to her."
The next few hours seemed to crawl by. My Mom had come in to ask me what happened and I told her everything. She was just as stunned as I was that he was going to tell her. After all, this WAS a big step. Even if he wasn't sure of who he wanted to be with, he was still openly admitting that he had slept with another man. Something he hadn't been able to do in his past.
Finally, the phone rang and it was Gary.
"Hey babe," he said through his tears and shallow breathing.
"Oh my god. Are you okay?"
"No."
"Jesus." I could feel my own tears starting to form. I hated to hear or see anyone else crying. Especially him.
"Can I talk to your Mom?"
"My Mom?" I paused. "Uhh - yeah - sure. Hang on." I put my hand over the phone and yelled for my Mom. She came rushing in and asked what was wrong. "Well, Gary wants to talk to you."
"To me?" she said with an inquisitive look on her face as she took the phone.
"Hello, dear. How are you? - - - - You sound terrible. - - - - You're where? - - - - I don't know, hun. - - - - Alright but you've GOT to calm down a little and I've got to check with him first. - - - - Okay, hang on." She put her hand over the phone and turned to me. "He wants to come over."
"Oh God, Mom."
"I know. Frankly, I think it's a REALLY bad idea. But I also know that if you want to see him, I'm not going to stand in your way. Just know that I'm not terribly thrilled with the idea. I mean, do you think you can handle it? I don't need you getting all upset."
I thought about it for a second but knew what I had to do.
"I can't turn him away. I just can't."
"Alright," she sighed and got back on the phone. "Okay, sweetheart. You can come in once you catch your breath and calm down, okay. - - - - Alright, we'll see you soon. - - - - Buh-bye."
"Where is he?"
"In the driveway," she half chuckled.
"Wow. Guess he was counting on us saying 'yes'".
"Apparently."
"Now, Andrew," she said, adopting a more serious tone, "you have GOT to make sure that you don't get too upset. If you black out over this boy, I am not going to be a happy camper."
"I know, Mom," I said as I laughed. She was so cute. 'Happy camper'. Who still talks like that? Apparently, my Mom.
There was a knock at the door.
"Well, it didn't take him very long to pull himself together," Mom said as she walked towards the door. I couldn't see the door from where I was sitting but could hear the two of them talking.
"Come here, sweetie," she said. I knew my mother. She was probably squeezing all of the air out of him with the tightest hug she could give.
"You alright?"
"I will be. Where is he?"
"In the living room. C'mon."
The second that Andrew walked through the arch into the living room, he started to cry again.
"Come here."
Gary walked over to the couch, sat down next to me and put his head in my neck. He wasn't sobbing but the tears were definitely coming down. He had regained some of his composure but was obviously shaken up.
"Shhhh. It's okay," I said as I rubbed my hand down the back of his head.
"You were right," he said as he picked his head up and looked me in the eyes. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy. He had been crying for awhile. "I'm not really surprised," he continued. "I would've done the same thing if I were in her shoes."
"What happened?"
"I told her about the first night that I went to your room. She started to cry but she kept asking if there was more. So, I told her. I told her everything that happened between you and I."
"Jesus."
"And then she asked me if I loved you."
"Oh, God."
"I said 'yes'. She slapped me and told me to get the fuck out. I didn't know where else to go. I'm sorry," he said as he started to cry more.
"It's okay. I'm glad you came here." I reached over to hold his hand. That brought even more tears to his eyes and he reassumed his position with his head in my neck.
"It'll be okay," I said.
"No. No it won't. She'll never speak to me again. And I don't blame her."
"Hey. Look at me." Gary picked his head up and brought his gaze to my eyes. "We'll get through this. No matter what you decide, I will help you through this. Do you understand?"
Gary shook his head. I didn't know if what I was about to do was the right thing or not but I was going to do it anyway. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his. It was a short kiss but enough to convey to him that I was there to protect him.
Someone cleared their throat in the doorway of the living room and I looked up to see who it was.
"Dad!" Holy shit. It was my father. And I'm sure he walked in just in time to catch the kiss. Great.
"Hi," he said with a smile. My father was a tall man. The kind of guy that looked like he belonged in a catalog modeling business suits. They just suited him so well (pardon the pun). He always looked very distinguished. Even if he was just lounging around the house in jeans and a T-shirt. I think it was just the way he carried himself.
"Dad, you remember Gary, right?"
Gary stood up to shake hands with my father despite his puffy, red eyes.
"Mr. Branson, how are you?"
"I'm okay, Gary, how are you? Trish tells me that things aren't going so well right now." Trish was my Dad's petname for my Mom.
"Yeah, it's complicated," was all Gary said.
My Dad came over to the other side of me and sat down.
"How are you feeling, champ?" My father hadn't called me 'champ' since I was ten.
"I'm okay, Dad. I'm sure Mom has kept you up to date on everything."
"I'm just glad you're okay," he said as he reached over to give me a hug. It was a little awkward to try and hug someone and keep my leg elevated. Nevermind the fact that this was my father. First he calls me 'champ' and then he hugs me. Who was this man?
"I won't interrupt your conversation, boys, but I do want to talk to you later on. Okay, Drew?"
"Yeah, sure Dad." I was practically speechless.
He got up to walk out and just before heading into the dining room, he turned to me and said "I love you." And I could see the tears in his eyes.
"I...love you too...Dad." Had I stepped into an alternate universe? Mom said that he had been feeling bad about the past couple years but I didn't expect such a dramatic transformation.
"Wow," Gary said after my father had moved out of earshot.
"Yeah."
"I don't think that I've ever seen your father really speak to you. I mean, I've only been over a few times but...Wow."
"Tell me about it. He and I chat now and then but it's usually about something stupid. And he NEVER hugs me or tells me he loves me."
I tried to shake what was happening with my father and turn my attention back to Gary. He had composed himself quite well since before my father had come in.
"So, now what," I asked him.
"I don't know. I have no place to go. I can't go to my parents' house right now."
"Don't worry about it. We've got a spare room here. It's small but I know that my Mom wouldn't mind."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. Will you feel comfortable here?"
"I can't imagine where I could feel more comfortable right now."
"We'll call Stacey later and have her bring some of your clothes and stuff over, okay?"
"Sounds good to me. Are you sure I'm not..." Gary was interrupted by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He picked it up slowly and looked at the display.
"It's her," he said.
"Are you going to answer it?"
He stood up and walked back through the entrance to the living room and towards the front door. I heard his footsteps on the stairs leading to the second floor as he said, "Hello."