I hope that you all enjoy Chapter 18 and I look forward to your feedback. Again, I apologize for the delay but I think you'll see why it took so long.
Ehlrich@comcast.net
"Baby?" Joan Williams was fighting back the tears as she ran her hand over her sons black hair. "Can you hear me?"
"Mom?" Mike managed softly. The world was still fuzzy through his eyes and had he not recognized the voice, he wouldn't have known who he was talking to.
"Oh, sweetheart," she said with a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad that you're okay."
"My mouth is dry," he replied.
"I don't think you're allowed to have water yet, champ." Allen Williams was standing with his arm around his wife. He was busy fighting tears of his own but wanted to remain strong for Joan and Michael.
"Dad?"
"Yeah. I'm here."
"I can't really see you guys."
Joan Williams put her hand over her mouth. Her son had never been to the hospital before and she wasn't prepared to see him coming out of surgery. She was also finding it extremely difficult to block the visions of Ron Martello repeatedly kicking and beating her only child.
"Don't try to open your eyes, Mike. Just rest now. We just wanted you to know that we're here and we love you," Allen replied.
"I love you guys too," Mike said before drifting back to sleep.
Joan rolled herself into her husbands arms and he held her tightly as she sobbed.
"He's okay, Jo," Allen said, stroking her hair.
"I know," she replied, the emotional exhaustion evident in her voice. "I just can't believe everything that has happened. It just rips me apart."
Allen wasn't sure what to say so he did the only thing he could, held her tightly and kissed her forehead. They stood there for a minute before the doctor came over.
"Mr. and Mrs. Williams?"
"Yes," they answered simultaneously as Joan made every effort to compose herself.
"Michael is going to be resting for awhile and then we'll probably conduct some more tests in the morning. Right now his condition is perfectly stable and I want to give him time to sleep. I would suggest," he said, pausing to look at Joan, "that you do the same."
"I can't leave him," Joan replied painfully.
"I assure you," the doctor said, "he'll be just fine. He's a tough lad." He reached up and patted her on the shoulder. "Get some rest," he turned to walk away but said over his shoulder, "doctors orders."
"Come on, sweetheart," Allen whispered to her.
"I don't know if I can sleep knowing that he's here and he's hurt."
"Joan, the doctor is right. He's going to be out for awhile and there's nothing that we can do. If we get some rest, we'll be fresh when he wakes up."
Joan was too drained to put up any more of a fight. Her ankle was killing her and she felt like she had been hit by a train. She slowly extended her hand to her husband and he gently reached out to clasp their hands together.
"I love you," he said, looking deep into her eyes.
"I love you too."
They walked slowly down the hallway and into the lobby. Both of them were about to get some desperately needed rest. And, fortunately, they had each other to cuddle up to for comfort. -------------------------
Gary, Frank and Mary had been sitting on the back porch for hours just talking about everything that had happened. When the phone rang, they all stared at each other in disbelief until Frank looked down at his watch and started to stand up.
"Now, who in the world would be calling at this hour?" He walked over to the phone and picked it up. "Hello?" What he really wasn't expecting was the voice on the other end.
"Frank?"
"Yes?"
"It's Maureen."
Frank was tempted to throw the phone. "Haven't you caused enough trouble tonight?"
Mary and Gary set their drinks down on the table and looked back at each other. They knew exactly who was on the other end.
"Frank, I know that you probably heard everything that.."
But Frank didn't let her finish. "Now you listen here. If you ever call this house again, I will call the police."
"FRANK!" Maureen yelled in desperation.
"WHAT?"
"I'm with the police right now."
"What are you talking about?"
"Frank. Ron's dead."
"What did you just say?"
"He's dead. He was shot earlier today."
Frank walked back towards his chair and fell into it. "Maureen, if this is some kind of ploy to get me to hand this phone to your son."
"It's not," she said as she started to cry. "I swear. He's really dead."
"Good God."
"Can I talk to my son?" She said through her tears.
"I. I don't know. Hang on," Frank held his hand over the phone. "Mary. Come here," he said very seriously. Mary noticed that the color had drained from his face and didn't hesitate to walk over to him. He motioned for her to bend down and he whispered the news into her ear.
"What?" She said, standing back up.
"It's true."
Gary started to get concerned and stood up from his chair as well. "What's going on?"
Frank looked up at Mary and she nodded. "You'd better talk to your mother," Frank said.
"But..?"
"Gary. You need to talk to her," Mary said softly.
Frank extended the phone to Gary and he reached out slowly to take it. He brought the phone to his ear and paused for a moment before speaking.
"Mom?"
"Baby. I.." but she couldn't say it. She couldn't bear to tell her son that his father had just died. In a matter of hours she reflected on her entire life. Losing her husband was harder than she ever could have imagined and all she could do was think about how terrible their whole family had treated one another.
"Mom. What's wrong?"
"Your....father. He's....dead."
Gary was silent. He felt his heart fall through his body. He wanted to cry but the tears didn't come. He felt no sorrow - only shock. "What happened?" he said after digesting his feelings.
"He was shot," Gary's mother said as she regained enough of her composure to speak.
"I don't understand," Gary said. "Who shot him?"
"It's a long story, sweetheart. Your father just lost it and he got in some trouble and the police shot him."
"What? What kind of trouble? Mom you're not making any sense."
Maureen Martello found that explaining what Ron had done was harder than announcing his death. She knew that it would probably be harder for Gary to hear that his ex-boyfriend was hospitalized, and possibly dead, than it would be to hear that his father had died.
"Gary, honey. There's so much I need to tell you. I need you to come home."
Gary paused but only for a second. "No."
"What?" she said. His response was enough to snap her out of her tears.
"I'm not coming home, Mom."
"But this is your father."
"I don't have a father," Gary said before taking the phone away from his ear and ending the call. He had been strong enough to tell his mother he wasn't going home but his strength didn't last any longer than that. He dropped the phone and literally fell back into his chair.
Despite everything his father had done to him, he was still his father. The pain was too much and he found that he couldn't even find the strength to breathe. He gasped for air as the tears started to fall.
Mary and Frank went over to him immediately. Each of them sat on one side of Gary and held him tightly as he gasped for air.
"Breathe sweetheart. Just breathe," Mary said.
"No." Gary said softly through his sobs and gasps for air. "No, no, no." Mary attempted to hold him tighter but he shook both of his relatives off and screamed. "NOOOOOOOOO!"
The yell was loud enough to wake Marcus and Julie who bumped into each other in the hallway. They ran down the stairs and out to the porch where they found their cousin on the ground and their parents trying to comfort him.
"Mom?" Marcus said with deep concern. But she didn't respond. He looked at his cousins face. He had never seen such pain. He had never heard a person cry the way Gary was crying. And when he looked again at his mother, he noticed that she was crying too.
Marcus looked over to his sister and saw the look of horror on her face. He reached out to her and pulled her close. Neither of them knew what was happening but they were terribly frightened.
Frank was the only one of the three on the ground that was able to keep it together. "Gary, you need to try to breathe, son. You're going to make yourself hyperventilate. You have to take a deep breath."
But Gary couldn't hear him. His inhalations were short and his exhalations were yells of pain and anguish.
The phone started to ring again. Marcus and Julie were the only two that paid attention. Marcus let go of his sister and walked to the pick up the phone. He walked inside and Julie followed. They closed the sliding door to block out the sound and he answered the call.
"Hello?"
"Frank?"
"No. This is Marcus. Who's this?"
"Marcus, it's your Aunt Maureen."
"Aunt Mo? Why are you calling here?" Marcus immediately became defensive. "What did you do to make him cry like this?"
"Jesus," she said. "My baby."
"Your baby? Are you sick?"
"Marcus. Gary's father is dead," she blurted out. She didn't want to keep repeating it but she wasn't about to take any lip from her nephew either. She knew that the truth would shut him up.
"What? How?"
"I'm getting so tired of repeating this story," she said. Marcus could hear the desperation in her voice. Maureen Martello was in pain and feeling terribly alone. All she wanted was to speak to her son. "Marcus just put him on the phone."
Marcus looked back outside and saw that the situation hadn't changed. He was also working through the shock of hearing about his Uncle's death and couldn't react fast enough.
"MARCUS!"
"I can't," Marcus replied.
"What do you mean you can't?"
"He's laying on the ground. Mom and Dad are trying to calm him down."
"Christ. My poor sweet boy," she said through her continuous tears.
"What should I do?" Marcus said, still in shock.
"Take down this number," she replied as she, once again, attempted to slow her tears.
"Julie," he said, moving the phone away from his mouth, "pen and paper." She ran over to a drawer and fetched a notebook that had a pen tucked into the spiral binding. He opened the book and set it down on the table, holding the phone between his shoulder and his ear. "Go ahead."
Maureen rattled off the number and told him that she was at the police station. She had finished giving her statement and would probably be taken home within the next hour. She gave specific instructions that Gary was to call her as soon as he could - either at the station or at home.
Marcus hung up the phone and sat down at the table. Julie could see the shock in his face and walked to him. She put her hand on his shoulder. "Marc, what happened?"
"Uncle Ronnie's dead."
She responded in the same manner as her mother and, through her covered mouth, asked, "What happened?"
"I don't know."
Marc and Julie simultaneously turned their heads back towards the door and looked at their cousin, still writhing in pain on the ground. Marcus stood up from the table and walked over to the door. He slid it open and looked at his father.
Frank raised his head and saw the expression on his sons face as he stood in the doorway. "Mary." She looked up at him and he nodded in the direction of the door. Mary looked over and saw Marc in the door and Julie just over his shoulder. She could see the pain and confusion in their eyes. "I'm going to go talk to them," Frank said.
He rubbed Gary's back and stood up. When he reached the door, his children walked over to him and he reached out to hug them. They instantly melted into the tight embrace of their father. He held them for a moment and then told them to sit down at the table.
They all pulled out chairs and Frank was the first to speak. "Did you hear us talking out there?"
"We heard yelling," Julie replied. "Woke us both up. So we came downstairs. But we couldn't figure out what was going on."
"It was Auntie Mo that told Uncle Ron is dead." Marcus said in a soft monotone.
"Your aunt called back?"
"Yeah. You didn't hear the phone?"
"Not really. I mean - I heard it - but didn't." Frank replied.
"Yeah, it was her."
"Did she give you any more details?"
"No. Nothing."
Neither Marcus nor Julie really knew their Uncle Ron so their shock was based solely on the effect it was having on Gary. This was also the first time that either of them had been forced to deal with death. Neither of them were old enough to remember tragedy that befell their biological parents.
"She, uh, left a number though," Marcus said, pushing the notebook over. "It's the police station. She said she'll be there for another hour or so. She wants Gary to call."
"I don't know if that'll happen," he mumbled, staring at the number. Then he looked up and looked into his daughters eyes. He could see the fear. "Are you two okay?"
"Just shocked," Julie said. "I don't know what to think."
"Me neither, hun. Me neither." Frank replied.
"So nobody knows what happened?" Marcus asked.
"All I know is that he was shot," Frank said. His response caused Julie to cup her hand over her mouth again. "I don't know anything else."
They sat in silence.
Outside, Gary had started to catch his breath but had made himself incredibly nauseous and was vomiting on the floor. Mary simply continued to rub his back.
"Julie," Frank said, "can you go upstairs and get 5 or 6 bath towels?"
She nodded and ran up the stairs. When she returned, Frank took one of the towels over to the sink. He ran the towel under cold water and wrung it out. He then filled a glass with water and brought everything outside. Mary took the wet towel and water from him. Frank placed all but one of the other towels over the soiled areas of the deck.
"Sit up, sweetheart," Mary said, noticing that he had calmed slightly.
Gary sat up and she handed him the glass of water. He took it from her and she pressed the cold towel against the back of his neck. Frank handed Gary the one towel he had saved and Gary wiped his face. He then took a drink of the water, swished it in his mouth and spit it into the towel. He folded the towel in half and wiped his mouth.
It took over an hour before Gary was calm enough to call his mother back. He wanted to continue to be strong but, more than that, he wanted to know exactly what happened.
Maureen Martello was sitting at her kitchen table, chain smoking and talking to her best friend whom had come over to keep her company. The phone interrupted them and she looked at the caller ID. "It's my son," she said to her friend before answering.
"Gary?"
"Mom."
She could hear the pain in his voice and forced herself not to cry.
"Mom, what happened?"
"Sweetheart it's a long story. Why don't you come home?"
"Mom, what happened?" he repeated with a stronger tone.
"Your father found out about you and Mike."
"How?"
"I told him," she said, flashing back to the memory of being struck by her now deceased husband.
"I don't understand, Mom. What does this have to do with Dad being shot?"
"After he found out," she sniffed, "he stormed out of the house and got in his car." She paused. She was afraid to continue.
"Mom, tell me what happened!"
"He went to Mike's house."
"Good Christ," Gary said, "what did he do?"
"He started to beat him."
Now it was Gary's turn to cover his mouth with his hand. He felt like he was going to throw up again. Only now he was sitting at the kitchen table with his extended family and he fought the urge.
"Mike's parents called the cops," she paused again but only for a moment. "When the cops got there, your father was holding a gun." Both her body and her voice began to tremble. "Apparently he turned and pointed the gun at one of the officers. They had tried to get him to drop it. But it was too late. They shot him."
Gary's hand went from his mouth to his forehead. As his hand touched his head, another thought came to his mind. "What happened to Mike?" But his mother didn't respond. "MOM?"
"I don't know. I guess he was hurt pretty badly."
"How badly?"
"I don't know."
"Is he okay?"
"Gary. I don't know."
"Jesus," Gary replied. He was emotionally drained and this wasn't helping. He sat in silence for a moment and then spoke softly. "I'll come home."
Maureen started sobbing.
"Mom. I need you to do something for me."
"What's that, baby?" she inquired through her tears.
"Find out about Mike and I'll call you back."
She shook her head and quickly realized she had to force herself to speak as well, "I will."
"I'll call you back in a little while," Gary said.
"I love you," she replied.
Gary took a second to respond. "Me too, Mom," was all he could muster. He wasn't even sure if it made sense but he couldn't bring himself to say that he loved her. He knew that deep inside he still did but he couldn't erase the memories of the verbal and physical abuse he had faced all of his life. He hung up the phone and set it down on the table.
Before he could say anything, Mary spoke up, "I'm going with you."
"So," I heard Derek's voice behind me as he came from the kitchen and into our living room. "You all ready for your big day tomorrow, darling?" He came up behind the couch, leaned over and wrapped his arms around me.
"With you in my life, I feel like I could do anything." It was true. I felt invincible. It was as though nothing in the world could shake up my life. Derek responded by leaning further and kissing me on the cheek.
"God damn, I love you," he whispered softly in my ear.
I could feel the tears coming and, although I knew they were tears of joy, was still caught off guard. Apparently, so was Derek when he saw the first one fall.
"Sweetheart," he said, letting go and making his way around the couch. He sat next to me and reached up to wipe my eyes. "What's wrong?"
I laughed. "I'm happy." I laughed again. "I can't believe how happy I am. And hearing you say that you love me apparently just put me over the top."
"It's true you know?"
"I know. And I love you too."
Derek wiped the tears from my face yet again and then leaned in to kiss me softly. As he pulled away, he reached up and put the back of his hand on my face. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh.
"Now," he said, "what d'ya say we watch a movie or something silly to take your mind off of tomorrow?"
"Sounds perfect," I smiled and opened my eyes to see his smile beaming back at me.
He leaned in again and gave me a quick peck on the lips before reaching to the coffee table for the remote.
As the TV clicked on, we heard the familiar voice of Katrina Cooper. We had gone to school with her and she was now doing the local news for a CBS affiliate.
"Thanks, Bob. Hopefully that rain won't completely ruin our weekend."
"Oh, stuff it, Katrina," Derek yelled at the TV.
I laughed, "That wasn't very nice."
"Please. She was such a whore in school. She fucked every guy she could get her legs around."
"Nice, Derek. Real nice."
"In local news," Katrina continued, "a man has been shot by police in a complicated domestic dispute. We're going live to Eric Anderson with a News 4 exclusive."
"Thank you, Kate. Complicated wouldn't even begin to describe what has happened here. Mr. Ron Martello was shot by police after assaulting members of the Williams family. Police are still trying to piece together all of the information but what we do know is that Mr. Martello was primarily attacking his son's gay ex-lover."
My jaw was wide open as the screen switched from the reporter to a police officer.
"We know that Mr. Martello learned that his son was gay earlier today. He also found out about his relationship with Michael Williams, became extremely angry and drove out to the Williams residence with the intention of killing Michael. When we arrived on the scene, Mr. Martello was holding a gun and pointed it at another officer. It appeared as though he was about to pull the trigger and we were left with no choice but to fire."
I turned my head and looked over at Derek. He turned his head and saw that the color had drained from my face.
"Sweetheart? What's wrong?" Derek said.
"The story."
"Yeah, kinda fucked up, isn't it?"
"Mr. Martello. That's Gary's last name."
"You don't really think that they could be talking about...," his voice trailed off when he saw me nodding. We both turned our attention back to the TV when the reporter came back on.
"The condition of the young man that was attacked is unknown at this time. We do know that Mr. Martello also attacked the mother of the family and she sustained a leg injury. Again, we don't know the degree of the injury. What we DO know is that Ron Martello was shot directly in the chest and did not survive. We'll bring you more on this story as it unfolds. And remember, you heard it first on CBS 4."
"Thank you, Eric," Katrina said. "After the break we'll check in with Tom Salionas with your sports update."
I reached over and grabbed the remote from Derek's hand. I pointed it at the TV and shut it off. No sooner had I hit the power button, the phone rang. Derek and I both looked over at the phone. "I'll get it," he said, patting my knee as he stood up.
"Hello?...yeah, he's right here. Hang on." He walked over with the cordless and handed it to me. "It's your mother."
"Hi Mom."
"Good God, Andrew. Have you seen the news?"
"Yeah. We just caught it."
"I can't believe it," she said.
"I know. I wonder if Gary knows what happened," I replied.
"He must. I can't imagine that his mother wouldn't have contacted him by now."
"What do you think? Should I call him?" I asked.
"I don't know, hun. Do you think that's a good idea?"
"I at least want to see if he knows what has happened. And if he does, I can only imagine what he must be going through."
"Well, you know him better than I do. If you think it's the right thing to do, then call him."
"I'm going to. I'll talk to you later, Mom," I replied.
"Okay," she paused, "Goodbye, sweetheart."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone.
"Derek," I looked around the room, "can you help me find my cell phone? Gary's number is in there."
"It's in the kitchen. I'll go get it."
"Thanks," I said. My heart started to pound at the thought of speaking to Gary again. Derek returned quickly and handed me my cell phone. I quickly flipped it open, found his number and hit "talk".
The phone rang a few times before Gary finally picked up.
"Drew?"
"Hi," I responded, not sure what to say next.
"Now isn't really a good time for us to talk."
"I..uhh...heard what happened."
"Jesus," Gary said. "How?"
"It's all over the news."
"Fuckin' a."
"Are you okay?"
"No."
Again, I wasn't sure how to respond. Fortunately, Gary broke the silence a moment later.
"Aunt Mary and I are headed to the airport right now. We'll be getting in late tonight and my Mom is going to be picking us up from JFK."
"I don't know what to say, Gary," I said quietly.
"You don't have to say anything. Honestly, I don't want to talk about it right now."
"Okay," I replied, "but if you need us." Instantly I regretted saying 'us'. I was hoping he wouldn't catch it.
"Us?"
"Yeah," I paused as I thought up a quick lie. "Me, Mom, Dad." I had been talking about me and Derek but I knew that he certainly wouldn't want to deal with that right now.
"Thanks. I gotta go."
"Take care of yourself."
"Yeah, you too," and he hung up without saying goodbye.
I reached over and put the phone down on the coffee table. I knew that our conversation was just the tip of the iceberg. Gary was about to come back in my life and I had no idea what would happen. Derek stopped my mind from racing when he put his hand on my leg.
"Andrew?"
"Yeah."
"Are you okay?"
I took a deep breath and looked at Derek. "It's not me I'm worried about." I couldn't even begin to fathom what Gary was going through. I was still trying to sort out all of the details. What had happened?
"Are you going to be okay to go to the city tomorrow?"
"SHIT!" Despite the fact that we had just talked about it, my meeting had completely escaped my mind. "Gary's plane is getting in tomorrow morning." Then I allowed myself to think out loud, "But who says he'll want to see me. It's not like we left things on very good terms. And I'm sure the last person he wants to see is me."
"He'll want to see his friends. He'll need you right now," Derek said, without a hint of jealousy. A quality that only made him more attractive to me.
"I'll call him tomorrow morning," I said.
"Good," Derek said as he reached over to the coffee table and picked up the remote. "Now, let's escape from reality for a little while. Margaret Cho just happens to be in the DVD player. She's always good for a laugh."
"True enough," I said with a smile.
We watched Margaret and then decided to call it a night. I had a long day ahead of me but had no idea just how long or arduous it would be.
When Gary's plane landed, his Aunt had to wake him. He had actually gotten a little bit of much needed sleep. They walked off the plane and, as Gary disembarked, he saw the same attendant he had seen on the flight out. Whether she recognized him or not, Gary couldn't be sure but she did seem to smile a little wider as he passed.
They walked down the terminal and headed towards the baggage claim area. Gary flipped open his phone and pressed the speed-dial for his mother. He had already called her before their departure. His real reason for calling had been to check up on Mike but she still hadn't found anything out.
"Hello?"
"Hi Mom. We're here," he said, flatly.
"Did you have a good flight?"
"It was super, Mom. Just super," his tone remained completely even.
"Well I'm at the Starbucks that's just outside of the security area. Meet me here."
"Sounds good."
Gary closed the phone without saying goodbye and looked over at his Aunt. She tried to smile but failed miserably.
"Remember," she said softly, "if you need me, I'll be right beside you. All you have to do is grab my hand."
Gary extended his hand without hesitation and without saying a word. She clasped his hand tightly in return. Neither of them could say anything without crying so they remained silent as they stood on the automatic walkway.
When they finally reached the security station and passed through, Gary instantly saw his mother and froze. She was looking down at a magazine and seemed to be just fine. Gary was amazed. She looked good. She wasn't wearing comfortable clothes, like he was. She was dressed in tight jeans and a tight pink blouse. Her eyes didn't appear puffy and dark from lack of sleep, like his did. Had she cried at all since yesterday? Did she actually sleep last night?
Mary held his hand tightly, "Whenever you're ready," she said.
Gary took a step forward but walked tentatively. His mother raised her head and looked toward the security gate. At first she didn't see him but then did a quick double-take when she saw her sister. She stood with a smile and walked towards both of them.
Gary and Mary remained expressionless.
"Oh my God!" Maureen Martello said as she extended her arms to hug her son. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly.
"Hi Mom," was all he could muster and he didn't even hug her back.
She let go of him and repeated the same process with Mary. "Mary, Mary. Look at you," she said, stepping back. "You look fabulous!" She surveyed her sister up and down, "How much weight did you lose? My God!"
"I see you're handling things rather well," Mary said without missing a beat.
Maureen's face lost its' happy-go-lucky expression.
"Don't mock me, Mary," she said softly. "I'm coping with things in my own way."
"Any news on Mike?" Gary said, interrupting their exchange.
She looked over at him and, for the first time, he saw an ounce of pain on her face. It sent shivers down his spine.
"He's better now. I guess it was touch and go for a while. He had some pretty bad internal injuries. But they brought him in for surgery and say he's going to be fine," she said, maintaining her soft tone.
It was the best news that Gary had received in days. He actually felt a small sense of joy in his stomach. It paled in comparison, however, to all of the hurt that was pulsing through his veins.
"I need to see him," Gary replied.
"Yes, yes," his mother replied, re-adopting her jovial tone. "We'll get there. But, for now, let's go home and get you two settled in." She took one of Mary's suitcases from her hands and started to turn.
"Yes," Mary replied, watching her sister walk away, "I'm sure we have lots of planning that needs to be done."
Maureen stopped. She very slowly cocked her head to the right, as if trying to crack her neck. Gary and Mary began to walk and passed her on either side. She only allowed them to get a few steps ahead before continuing. She fought to keep the anger subdued. She could tell that her sister's visit was going to be challenging. She found herself wishing that Mary hadn't come at all.
Gary found himself wishing he could abandon his family and go see Michael. That was all he could think of. Especially since the ride back to his house was spent in almost complete silence. Maureen was the only one that tried to interrupt it with stupid questions like, "How was Ohio?" or "Aren't you glad to be back home?" Gary answered them as shortly as possible.
When they finally reached the house, Gary was tired. He opened the door and the sun seemed blinding to him. 'Isn't it supposed to be raining', he thought to himself, although he wasn't sure why. Perhaps he wanted the weather to reflect his own misery.
He wasted no time unloading his bags and helping his Aunt to get settled. He then retrieved his keys from the board in the hallway and headed for the garage.
"Where are you going?" his mother asked.
"To see the man that my father put in the hospital."
"Gary, that is no way to talk about your father."
Gary looked directly at his mother. He couldn't believe that she was defending him - even if he was dead.
"Mom, don't think that I'm not in pain over this. Although I can't imagine why either of us would be. It's not like he treated us very well."
"Gary, please. Do not disrespect you father like that," she said as she started to tremble.
"Or what, Mom? You'll start beating me like he did?" Gary said angrily. His anger was swelling inside of him along with the tears that were forming in his eyes.
"Jesus, Gary. Why are you doing this?" Maureen cracked. All the emotions that she had been holding back, came flooding through her. The tears started to flow uncontrollably.
"What the FUCK did I come back for?" he yelled. "To console you while you defend that evil bastard?"
"IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT HE'S DEAD!" Maureen yelled in response through her tears. The second that the words had left her mouth, she covered it with her hand. She hadn't even been aware that in the deepest recesses of her brain, she blamed her son for her husbands' death.
Mary had gone upstairs to unpack but came barreling down the stairs when she heard the raised voices.
"WHAT is going on down here?" Mary yelled, looking back and forth between the two of them.
Gary just stood there, stunned.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," his mother said, walking towards him. "This is so hard for me. I didn't mean to..." but as she reached out her arms to hold him, Gary took another step back.
'She's right,' he thought to himself. 'I did kill him, didn't I?' He looked down at the floor and then up at his Mother and Aunt. "I have to go," he said as he walked through the kitchen and out into the garage.
He climbed into his car and pushed the button to open the garage door. As soon as he started the car, he threw it into reverse and backed onto the street. When he sped away, he didn't notice his mother standing at the edge of the garage, crying.
Joan and Allen Williams had barely gotten any sleep but it was enough to refresh them. Neither of them could really believe what had happened. They had spent some of the previous night just holding each other while they each talked and cried. So much of their world had been threatened - all by one man.
When they arrived at the hospital to visit their son, he was still fast asleep. Both of them stood there, just watching their son sleep. But after only a few minutes, his eyes opened.
"Mom. Dad," he said softly.
"Hi sweetheart," Joan replied as she walked over towards the bed. She bent down and kissed him lightly on the forehead.
"It hurts," Michael said.
"How bad, sweetie?"
"Pretty bad," he said as he moved his arm over slightly and pushed the call button on the bed railing.
Joan stood by her sons side for a minute before deciding she would walk to the desk herself. She wasn't about to wait.
"I'll be right back, hun. I'm gonna go see what's taking them so long," she said.
"Be nice," Allen said as she passed by.
"I will be. Aren't I always?" she said as she walked out the door and toward the nurses station.
"Excuse me," she said to the nurse sitting at the desk.
"Can I help you?" she asked.
"I'm sorry. It's my son. He's over in room 211. He says he's in pain," Allen replied.
"I'm so sorry," she said, standing up. "I was just about to head over there when I got a call from one of the doctors. I just had to finish writing his notes." She came around the nurses station and stopped in front of Mrs. Williams. "Technically," she said with a smile, "he's not due for his next dose of pain meds for another 20 minutes. But I won't tell if you won't." She winked. "Besides, 20 minutes won't make a damned bit of difference."
"Thank you so much."
"You're very welcome," she said as she turned and walked in the other direction.
Joan turned and walked back toward Michael's room and saw Gary coming down the hall. She marched quickly toward him to intercept him before he reached Mike's room.
"What the hell do you think you're doing here?" she said with a quiet anger.
"Mom, I..." Gary had called Mrs. Williams, 'Mom', at her request since the day they met.
"Do not call me Mom. I am not your mother."
"Listen, I.."
"I am not interested, Gary. Your father almost killed my son. And from what I understand, you had something to do with his psychotic rage."
"I just want to see him."
She pointed a finger directly at his face. "If you even go near my son, I'll kill you myself." She didn't even wait for a response before turning around and walking back to her sons room.
The very last ounce of hope that Gary had maintained was now gone. He felt as though he had just lost everything. There really was nothing left. 'Andrew', he thought to himself. 'Andrew is the only one left who really cares.' He ran to his car.
His mind was slowly starting to go numb. All he could hear in his mind was negativity. His inner voice was telling him what a loser he was. It was telling him that he really was responsible for his fathers death. And that it all stemmed from this evil that had been a part of him. The evil of being gay.
He tried to brush the thoughts from his mind but it was becoming increasingly difficult. It wasn't until he pulled into my driveway that the thoughts stopped completely.
As Gary exited the car, he slowly approached the front door and rang the bell.
My Mom was the one to answer the door.
"Gary!" she said in shock. "How are you?"
Gary ignored her question. "Is Andrew here?"
"I'm sorry. He's not."
"When will he be back?"
"Well," she said with some hesitation, "he actually isn't staying with us anymore."
"What?" Gary said, snapping out of his trance.
"He just moved in with Derek a few days ago."
"Derek?"
"Oh God," she said softly. And then she thought to herself, 'he has no idea that they're together now.'
But Gary knew instantly. And just as quickly as his brain put the pieces together, his whole world fell apart. A single tear formed in his right eye and rolled down his cheek.
"Gary, dear. Why don't you come in?"
But again, Gary ignored her. He simply turned around and walked back to his car.
"Gary!" she yelled after him. "Are you okay?"
He got into his car and shut the door. But it seemed as though someone else was behind the wheel - figuratively and literally. Gary was no longer in control of his own mind. He watched as his arm extended and he started the car. And as he backed out of the driveway and onto the road, he found himself picking up his cell phone.
My meeting had gone extremely well and I was on the phone with Derek when I heard another call coming in on my phone.
"Sweetie, can you hang on?" I asked.
"Sure," Derek replied.
I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the display. When I saw 'Incoming: Gary Cell', I put the phone back to my ear.
"Derek, I've got to call you back. It's Gary."
"Okay. Call me when you can."
"I love you," I said.
"Love you too."
I pulled the phone away again and switched over to the other call.
"Hello?"
"Andrew?" Gary said through tears.
"Hi, Gary."
"I..." There was a long pause. "I don't know what to do."
"Gary, where are you? Are you alright?"
But there was no answer.
"Gary," I paused. "You need to tell me where you are."
"Lost," was all he said.
"Jesus," I said, putting my hand to my forehead.
"It's all my fault," Gary said after a moment.
"No, sweetie. No it's not."
Again, there was no answer.
"Gary, I'm in the city right now. Tell me where you are. I'm coming home and I'll come get you."
"It's too late for all of that now." Gary said softly. He watched in the theater of his mind as the car turned onto a familiar road.
"All of what?"
"I'm going back to our special place."
"Gary, you're not making any sense."
"Goodbye, Andrew."
"What? Goodbye? Gary! Talk to me." But it was too late. Gary had hung up the phone.
"Dammit!" I pressed the speed-dial for Gary's cell and brought the phone back to my ear. But the phone didn't even ring before it rolled me into his voicemail. "He must've turned his fucking phone off. FUCK!" I must have looked crazy to anyone walking by but I didn't care.
I held down the number 1 on my phone and saw the word "HOME" come up on the screen, followed by "Dialing". I brought the phone to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Derek."
"What's going on?"
"It's Gary. He's lost it."
"What do you mean?" Derek replied.
"I mean that he's talking crazy. Thinks it's all his fault. He was talking about going to a special place."
"What?"
"I don't know. I couldn't make any sense of it."
"Where are you?" Derek asked.
"I'm at Grand Central. My train leaves in about 10 minutes."
"So I should pick you up at about four?"
"Let's see. Train leaves at 2:45," I said, looking at the schedule. "Gets in at 4:04. So, yeah, four is perfect."
"What about Gary?"
"I have to find him."
"How are you going to do that? You have no idea where he is?"
"Actually, I think I might."
Gary had been sitting there for hours. He had done his crying. Now there was nothing. He had brought the gun from his car. The one his father always insisted he carry with him. The one he thought he would never use. The irony struck him.
And as he brought the gun to his head, he felt how cold it was on his right temple. His emotions were completely numb at this point as he sat in the little hide-away that he and Mike had built so many years ago.
He recalled how happy he had been with Mike. Then how happy had been with Karen. And then he remembered the conflict that occured after that fateful night in Andrew's room. But it was all flashing before him as though he was watching a movie - nothing seemed real. Nothing, that is, except for the picture of the exchange between his father and Mike.
True, he hadn't been there to see it. But he had heard more than enough to know exactly what had happened. He could see his father kicking Mike on the ground. And then he could vividly imagine his father being shot by the cops.
He felt as though everything was his fault. He had pushed everyone away and then ruined the lives of his family and ex-lover. And now it all needed to end.
The train ride seemed to take forever. But when I finally arrived, Derek was there waiting for me. We walked immediately to the car and headed towards the one place that I thought Gary might be - his and Mike's old place in the woods.
When we reached the head of the trail, I told Derek to pull over.
"I have to go alone," I said as the car came to a stop.
Derek looked over at me with a confused expression. "Why?"
"Derek, he doesn't know about us. I don't think this is the best time for him to find out. I have to go out there alone."
"How far is it? What about your leg?"
"I'll be fine," I said as I leaned over and kissed him.
"I don't like this."
"I know," I said, touching his face. "But you'll have to trust me on this one." I turned quickly and opened the door. After I got myself out of the car, I looked back in. "I'll call you."
"I'm not leaving this spot," Derek replied.
"It shouldn't take me any longer than twenty minutes to get out there. I'll call you and let you know what's going on."
"Jesus, Andrew. Are you sure about this?"
"Trust me," I said softly.
"I love you." He replied.
"I love you too," and I closed the door.
I turned away from the car and started to walk as fast as I could down the trail. It didn't take long before my leg started to ache. This probably wasn't my smartest moment but it had to be done. I continued on as fast as I could and breathed a sigh of relief when I finally saw the structure.
When I reached the door, I was unprepared for the sight that greeted me. Gary was seated in a chair in the center of the room. He was looking through the opening that he and Mike had cut to form a make-shift window. And he was holding a gun to his temple.
"Gary," I said as softly and calmly as I could. My presence startled him and he spun around quickly, lowering the gun from his head.
"Drew," he replied, almost trance-like.
"What are you doing, hun?"
"Don't worry about it. Go home. This needs to be done."
"Are you serious? You expect me to just leave you like this?" and I took a step closer to him.
"Dude, step back. I don't want anyone near me right now."
"Gary you don't want to do this."
"Andrew - PLEASE do not presume to know what's going through my mind right now," Gary said, turning his face to the wall and staring blankly. "You have no idea how it feels to know that you killed your father."
"Gare. You didn't kill him."
Gary spun his head back in my direction in anger. "Shut the fuck up!"
Gary stood up and my eyes wandered down to the gun that he was still tightly clutching in his hand. He walked towards me and got within inches of my face before speaking again.
"If he hadn't found out that I was gay, none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have gone after Mike and he wouldn't have gotten shot. It's real simple, Drew. You're a smart guy."
"But it's not your fault that your father reacted the way he did. You can't control how extreme his reaction was."
"Andrew. If you don't get the fuck out of here, you'll go down with me."
I was shocked by his threat but only allowed my face to show it for a quick moment. I knew that there was no way he would be able to shoot me...or at least I hoped.
"Gary. Don't make threats like that. Put the fucking gun down and let's talk this out."
Gary turned away from me and walked towards the opposite wall. When he was about a foot in front of it, he turned and pointed the gun at me. His hand was shaking and my heart was now pounding out of my chest.
"Gary. Put the gun down. We both know that you're not going to shoot me."
I could see the thoughts flashing in his mind. He was in so much pain. Finally, the emotion broke through his numbness and the tears started to well up in his eyes. I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew that as long as he was actually feeling something, he would be a lot better off. It was the numbness that was driving his desire to commit suicide.
He spoke softly through his tears - all the while maintaining the position of the pointed gun. "You don't know what this feels like," he said with his face visibly straining from the hurt inside of him.
"You're right. I don't. And all I can do is be here for you and try to help you through this."
"I loved you," he replied.
"And I will always love you too," I said calmly. "We went through a lot together and that is bound to create a strong bond. Now let me help you."
"It wasn't strong enough Andrew. Was it?" He sniffed.
"What?"
"Our bond wasn't strong enough."
"What do you mean, Gary?"
"You don't really love me. You love Derek."
My first thought was 'How the hell did you find out?' but fortunately, something more appropriate came out.
"Gary, just because Derek and I are together right now, doesn't mean that I don't still love you. You mean so much to me. You and I will always be together. It just might not be in the way that we thought."
Gary's face contorted with pain again. His outstretched arm started to fall slowly.
"Let me help you."
He started to sob and lowered his arm completely. I walked towards him and held out my hand, "Give me the gun sweetheart." He handed it over to me and I set it down on the chair that Gary had sat on earlier.
I looked back at him and he was crying into his hands. I walked over to him and put my arms around him. He fell like a lead weight into my embrace.
"What am I going to do?" he cried.
"We'll get through this. I promise," I said as I ran my hand across his back.
"But I've lost almost everyone I love."
"I'm still here for you. And I know that your Aunt and Uncle are as well. You are NOT alone. We all love you very much and we will all help you to get through this."
"But my Dad. And Mike. And Karen. So many people," he gasped. He had grown accustomed to struggling to catch his breath while crying. He had cried more in the past few months than he had in his entire life.
"Come on," I squeezed him tightly and then let go, "let's get out of here."
Gary nodded in agreement and we started to walk towards the door. On his way past the chair, he picked up the gun. I thought nothing of it until I heard the shot behind me.
I froze. 'What just happened?' I thought to myself. And as my brain re-engaged itself, the pain started to tear through me.
But it wasn't physical pain - it was emotional. The panic prevented me from moving. I couldn't bring myself to turn around. But I didn't have to. It was like I could see from the back of my head. I knew that the wall was covered with blood and Gary was lying dead on the ground.
As the image came into my mind, I brought my hand to my mouth and started crying. I hadn't seen it coming. I honestly thought I had talked him down.
Within a few seconds, the panic let go of me and the pain took over. I turned around and saw exactly what I had expected. But I wasn't prepared for the horrific reality of it all. Gary's head was extremely deformed.
I felt my stomach start to send it's contents back up and ran outside. I vomitted on the side of the building as the tears streamed down my face. And the second I finished, I stumbled a few feet away and fell to the ground.
"No, no, no," was all I could say. It was a soft but anguish filled tone. I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't keep hold of my breath. As I gasped, I felt the world around me begin to spin. My vision started to blur and the black spots that had plagued me after my accident returned. Within seconds, I had lost consciousness.
When I awoke, it was dark. My body ached everywhere. I didn't know how long I had been out. But before I had time to really think about what time it might be, the memory of what had happened came rushing back. Part of me wanted to look inside the shack-like structure and see if it had been real. But, I didn't need to. I knew that Gary was dead. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle seeing it again.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. When I flipped it open and tried to focus on the screen, my vision didn't cooperate and I had to struggle to find the number 2. When I found it, I held it down and brought the phone to my ear.
"Andrew?"
"Hey," I said.
"Sweet Jesus," he said and I heard him speak away from the phone, "It's him." I heard my mother yell something in the background. He brought the phone back to his mouth. "You didn't call me."
"I couldn't. When I got out here...Gary..." I started to cry again.
"Sweetheart, what about Gary? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," my tears were softer this time but still enough to disrupt my focus. "But Gary is dead."
"WHAT?"
I could hear my mother yelling in the background. "What happened? Derek is he okay?"
Derek, again, spoke away from the phone. "He says he's fine. But something happened to Gary." He spoke into the phone again. "Andrew, what happened?"
"He shot himself."
"Christ," Derek paused for a moment.
"How long have I been gone?"
"About 6 hours now. I ran out into the woods to find you but I didn't know where I was going. And so I came to your Mom's and..." Derek started to cry.
"Sweetheart, don't cry." I said, trying to calm my own tears.
"I'm sorry. I'm just so glad that you're okay."
"I'm fine. I just blacked out again. I didn't realize I was out for that long though. Derek, I don't know if I can move very far. I feel very sick."
"Where are you exactly?" Derek calmed himself.
"Down by the creek. There's a path," I brought my other hand to my head as if it would help me to think more clearly. "Follow the path out until it splits at a large rock." I continued to give him directions that were as detailed as I could possibly remember.
"Andrew I'm not hanging up with you until we can get out there," he said and then tipped the phone down to address my Mother again. "Call the police. We're going to need an ambulance down at the creek." Mom must have asked if I was okay and Derek replied, "He feels very sick. He blacked out."
Derek continued to talk to me until finally, after an hour or so, the police, paramedics, Derek and my parents arrived.
I was loaded onto a board and strapped down. I had just enough time to get kisses from my family and Derek before I felt myself blacking out again.
As I sit here, writing this, I can still see everyone standing around his casket in the rain. I can even hear the monotone voice of the priest. Although I can't remember anything he said. Honestly, I don't think any of us really heard him. We were all in a daze.
None of us had the complete story at the time. And it wasn't until years later that anyone was really ready to talk about it.
Now that I look back over the past 2 years, I'm amazed that I've actually been able to put all of the pieces together. And then to get them all out. My therapist said that it's good for me. That it helps me get through all of my feelings. Because I miss him. I really do. I miss him every single day.
Although it wasn't the same love that Derek and I still have for each other, it was love. And although I know it wasn't my fault, part of me still feels responsible.
I mean...if I hadn't...and maybe if...
But I can't do that to myself. Things played out the way they were supposed to, right? Fate stepped in.
So - do I feel better now that I've finally gotten it all out? I guess. But it will never make it all better. Nothing will.
Derek has still been remarkably supportive. He has been my rock through everything. We went through a period of a few years where we didn't talk about it. Life seemed fine. And then the dreams came. I was reliving everything all over again - for no apparent reason. That's what prompted me to start writing this. Despite what I may have told other people - that was the real reason.
Up until now, only a few people knew how real this was. I tried to pass it off as a work of fiction to the new people in my life. I wish it were. Then Gary would still be alive.
When I started writing this, I couldn't decide what to call it. It was actually Derek who suggested the title. "That's how you first introduced him to me," he said. And he was right. Before any of this happened, Derek had met Gary. I had just met him myself only a few minutes before Derek came over. But I couldn't remember his name. I had been too struck by his looks to actually pay attention when Karen said it.
So, when I introduced him to Derek, I said, "and this is my roommates boyfriend."
But he was and always will be - so much more.
THE END
......thanks to all of my loyal readers......