EVERYONE PLEASE READ!!! : I have received an overwhelming amount of requests from all of you to get an email when the next chapter has been submitted. I don't mind doing it but can no longer do it on an individual basis. So, what I will be doing is putting together an email list. Your address will NEVER be sold to anyone and it will NOT appear in the "TO" column of the email. I will send the email "BCC" (blind carbon copy) so that none of the addresses appear. I respect your privacy and hate spam just as much as you do. To get on the list, please send me an email with "EMAIL LIST" in the subject. And, as always, feel free to include your comments. Hope you enjoy Chapter 11.
Chapter 11
"WHAT?" Stacey almost dropped the phone from the shock of Derek's admission of his feelings for Andrew.
"Yeah."
"What the hell brought this on?"
"I almost lost him."
"Good Lord. Are you sure about this?"
"I've never been more sure about anything in my life. I just don't know what to do about it."
"Given the circumstances, I don't think there is much that you CAN do right now. I mean...things are REALLY messy."
"I know. But I don't know how long I can keep this to myself."
"Well, for now, you're gonna have to. I don't think he could really handle that right now and I don't know WHAT is going on with him and dumbfuck."
"Dumbfuck being Gary?"
"Precisely."
"So, you think I shouldn't say anything?"
"Not yet. Maybe not for awhile. But, then again, I don't have the best judgment about what to keep secret and what not to," Stacey said as she looked over and winked at Karen.
Karen chuckled and, for the first time in days, a hint of a smile crossed her face. It was amazing just how much prettier she was when she smiled.
"I have to leave again in a few days and I can't bare the thought of not telling him and having something happen while I'm gone - God forbid. He needs to know how I feel about him."
"I just don't think that's such a good idea right now. Maybe you should talk to his Mom?"
"Ya think?"
"Yeah, she's really cool with all this stuff."
"Can't hurt, I suppose. So, just out of curiosity, what's going to happen when he's ready to come back to the house?"
"I haven't gotten that far yet. Right now his Mom is paying his part of the rent. I really can't afford this place without him. Especially since now it's only going to be the three of us. Cuz Gary sure as HELL ain't comin' back. Karen & I are packin' his shit and dropping it off at his Mom's tomorrow after he's gone."
"So, he's leaving? Where's he going?"
"Oklahoma or Ohio or somethin' like that. I don't know. He's going to visit family."
Karen knew that they were talking about Gary and decided it was best to leave the room. The smile that had graced her face disappeared and she walked somberly down the hall.
"Did he say how long he's going to be gone?"
"Nope."
"Jesus. I wonder how Drew is taking it."
"I don't know."
"You haven't talked to him?"
"Not in a few days. I don't know what to do about that boy."
"Stace, you guys can't stop being friends over this because he hurt Karen. That's not fair."
"I'm stuck in a weird spot right now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I care about both of them very much and this is not going to be easy."
"I can imagine."
"Anyway..."
"Yeah, I gotta get going. I'm gonna leave the office in a bit and go to see Drew."
"Office, huh? Turnin' into some corporate big-wig?"
"It's my Dad's company so I don't know how much that counts."
"You're a smart guy. I know your father wouldn't have hired you if he didn't think you could do the job."
"Thanks, hun."
"It's true."
"I appreciate that," he paused momentarily and remembered how he, Drew & Stacey were practically inseparable throughout high school. He missed those days. "So, I'll catch ya later?"
"Yeah, we'll have to get together. I haven't seen you in forever!"
"Definitely." Apparently, he thought to himself, Stacey was feeling a little nostalgic as well.
"Good luck with Drew's Mom."
"Thanks, peach."
"Laytah."
"Bye."
As Derek hung up the phone, it occurred to him that Drew's Mom was probably at work and that there was even a possibility he could actually catch her in the office. Perhaps he could stop by on his way to see Drew.
Derek decided that he would go for it and stood up from his desk. As he walked out of the office, he stopped in the bathroom to check and make sure that he was presentable. And, of course, he was. Derek had more than his fair share of self-image issues and always felt that he wasn't terribly attractive. After all, he had never really been hit on in a bar. And it's not like he had a long list of past boyfriends - or even one-night stands for that matter. The truth, however, was that he was a very stunning young man.
His brown hair was highlighted with two other slightly lighter shades of brown. It was parted in the middle and had a little bit of a golden arch look in the front. He always kept his hair neat and trimmed. He was clean-shaven and his prominent jaw line gave him a very distinguished look considering his age. Regardless, for a moment, the glow of being in love around Derek made him feel like a somewhat attractive guy. He decided he would have to take that as enough of a compliment from himself, walked out of the bathroom and down the hall.
What Derek didn't realize was the looks that he got from everyone as he walked down the hall. The women in the office had been drooling over him ever since he had started at the company. And, of course, they all assumed he was straight...or at least hoped. He was the hot topic in the office and everyone started to make bets as to how long it would take the office slut to try to get in his pants.
Derek continued down the hall and out into the parking lot. He deactivated his alarm with the pad on his keychain and climbed into his Audi TT Roadster. He had always worked very hard for everything that he wanted with the exception of the Roadster. His parents bought it for him after his college graduation. It was his dream car. Silver, Roadster convertible, leather interior. He practically creamed himself every time he sat in it.
It was a beautiful day out and he decided to put the top down as he headed out to visit Drew's Mom. He pulled out of the parking lot, cranked the stereo and sped down Rte. 22 towards Acadia Real Estate. Drew's Mom had been an agent there for about 5 years and was finally starting to make a name for herself in the community.
It only took Derek a few minutes to get to the office and, as he pulled into the driveway, he turned down his Happy Hardcore CD to avoid sending vibrations throughout the entire building. He decided to leave the top down, stepped out of his car and activated the alarm.
When he entered the office, he was greeted by a secretary at the front desk.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, I'm looking for Mrs. Branson. Is she in?"
"I believe so. And...your name?"
"Derek."
"Derek...?"
"Johansen."
"One moment," she said as she picked up her phone and paged Mrs. Branson.
"Hi. I have a Mr. Derek Johansen here to see you. - - - Okay."
"Her office is straight down the hall and is the last on the left."
"Thanks," Derek said and, as he walked away, the receptionists' eyes followed his perfectly shaped ass.
When Derek walked in to Mrs. Branson's office, her face lit up.
"Derek!"
"Hi, Mom. How are you?"
"A little buried in paperwork but what else is new? And look - at - you! So handsome in your suit." Derek blushed. "Andrew told me that you're working for your father?"
"Yeah. He's considering opening another satellite office and leaving me in charge of this one."
"Wow! Quite the responsibility."
"Tell me about it. He's sending me off to pitch a campaign tomorrow. I'll be gone for a week. And I'm so nervous."
"You can handle it. Although you haven't been officially with the company for terribly long, you spent an awful lot of time there when you were growing up. Not to mention the fact that you now have a degree to back it all up."
"I just hope I don't let him down."
"I'm sure you won't," she said with a smile. "So, what brings you down here on such a lovely day?"
"Well, I have something I need to talk to you about." His heart started to pound out of his chest. He was extremely nervous about telling his second mother about his love for her son.
"You can talk to me about anything, sweetheart. You know that."
"Yeah. This one is just a little more difficult."
"Is everything okay?"
"Oh, yeah. At least...I think so."
My Mom stood up, walked around the desk and sat in the chair next to Derek. She reached over and took his hand in hers. "Go ahead, dear."
"Well, it's about Drew."
She secretly hoped that she knew where this was going. She had watched Derek and Andrew together throughout the years and, once she found out both of them were gay, it seemed an obvious match to her. They had always been there for each other and had shared so many things together.
"Well," he continued, "I don't really know how to say this."
"Let me try to say it for you," she said, hoping her motherly intuition was right and that she wasn't about to make an idiot out of herself. "You have feelings for Andrew."
"How...?"
"You've been like a son to me for years. There isn't much that you could get past me," she said with a smile.
"So, you're not upset?"
"Upset? Why on earth would I be upset?"
"Well, Drew and I have been friends all these years and I guess that I was worried that you'd think this would ruin the friendship."
"The two of you have always had a very special friendship. Something that, I believe, is worth exploring a little more deeply. And, I also believe, that if it doesn't work out, the two of you are so close that you'll be able to pull your friendship back together."
Derek smiled and his pulse began to return to normal.
"Do you think he could possibly have feelings for me too?"
"I can't really speak for Andrew. But, what I can tell you is that I've always sensed that there was more to you two than just friendship. She paused a moment, looked into Derek's eyes and then continued, "Can I tell you something, Derek?"
"Of course."
"Knowing that Drew is gay was never hard for me. Sure, I went through an initial awkward phase but it was very brief - nothing like what my husband went through. And, all this time, all I've wanted is to see him happy. The thought that you could be the one to do that is very comforting to me."
"Awww. Mom. That's so sweet of you to say."
"I mean it with all my heart."
"You sounds almost as excited as I do."
"Well, we can't celebrate just yet," she said, lightening her tone slightly, "This isn't exactly the best time for Andrew. He has been through SO much over these past few weeks."
"I know."
"Between Gary, Karen, Stacey, the accident, his leg..."
"I want to be there to help him through all of this. How do you think he would handle it if I told him?"
"To be honest, I don't know."
"So, do you think I should tell him right now or wait?"
"Well," she sighed, "I think it would be best for Andrew if you waited a little while longer. Give him a little time to get through everything that happened with Gary."
"Yeah, where is he with all of that?"
"I wish I knew. My boy usually doesn't allow people to walk all over him the way that Gary has so I couldn't tell ya'."
"I have to wait," Derek replied with a sigh of his own.
"Only until all the dust settles from all of this and we're sure he's out of the woods."
"I'm just afraid that..." and he trailed off. He quickly realized that he shouldn't have even started to say what he was thinking in front of his other Mom.
The smile from her face fell and she blankly stared at the wall as she finished Derek's sentence, "...afraid that he may slip back into a coma while you're gone and you'll never have the chance to tell him how you really feel." A look of pain came over her face. She could relate to what Derek was feeling. After the accident she kept asking herself when the last time was that she told her son that she loved him and was unable to remember.
"Mom?" Derek had noticed that she was drifting away and brought her back to the moment with his concern. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest that..."
"Oh no, hunny. You didn't upset me. It's okay. In fact, you're right." she sighed again and fully regained her composure.
"Great. Now what do I do?"
"Well, I guess it's your call. You know Andrew well enough and you'll know when the time is right. Just try to think with your heart AND your head. Normally I'd tell you to just follow your heart but this one's going to require a little judgment as well."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Anytime, hun."
They both stood up and held each other for a moment. Apparently they needed a little comfort and each of them was glad to find it in each other.
"So," she said, as she pulled away, slightly teary-eyed, "where are you off to now? To the office?"
"Actually, I was headed to visit Drew. My plane leaves early tomorrow morning."
"That soon, huh?"
"Yeah."
Drew's Mom brought her arms up to touch Derek's shoulders. "Do you what you think is right, sweetie. I know you would never do anything that might hurt him."
"Thanks again."
Beep, "Mrs. Branson?", the receptionist's voice came over the intercom.
"Yes," she groaned.
"Your 3:30 is here."
"I'll be right out to get them." She turned back to Derek. "I hate that damned intercom."
He laughed and they both walked out of the office and back to the waiting area.
"Call me later and let me know what you decided," she said before giving him one more hug.
"I will, Mom."
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too," he said and turned for the door with a smile.
Gary packed his suitcase and continued to allow his mind to wander from one subject to another. The voices in his head had grown so loud. It was practically impossible to pick just one of them to listen to. He couldn't focus on just one problem without all of them demanding his attention.
The voices in his head were soon silenced by the overwhelming sound of his mother's voice.
"You aren't finished packing YET?"
"Almost, Mom."
"No dilly-dallying. I didn't buy that ticket just so you can miss your flight. Do you hear me?"
"Yes, Mom. I hear you. The whole neighborhood hears you."
"Watch it you little shit or I'll tell your father just for fun."
"I can't wait to get out of here," Gary mumbled.
"That makes two of us!" and she slammed the door on her way out. She had been even more of a bitch than usual since learning that her son might be queer.
Gary turned his attention back to packing. His flight left tomorrow morning at 7:30 and although it was only around 16 hours away, it felt like an eternity. He wanted nothing more than to escape the mess he had created. He knew that it wasn't exactly the right thing to do but he also knew that he wouldn't do any good by sticking around either.
He missed Andrew.
When the knock came on Karen's door, she had been fast asleep. After walking into her room when Stacey was talking with Derek, she flopped down on the bed and had fallen asleep almost instantly. She was emotionally exhausted.
"Karen, you okay?"
"Yeah, c'mon in."
Stacey peaked her head in the door and saw Karen lying on her bed.
"Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to wake you up if you were taking a nap."
"No, it's fine. You can come in."
Stacey opened the door the rest of the way and sat down on Karen's bed.
"Karen?"
"Yeah."
"I'm gonna say this to you as your friend."
"Uh oh."
"No. No uh oh. I'm just worried about you. You called in sick to work and you're barely eating. I know that you're hurt but you can't lose your job or make yourself anorexic.
That's not going to help anything."
"I know."
"Good," she said, putting her hand on her friends knee.
"This is just really really hard."
"I know it is."
"And I've started detaching myself from everything. Or at least I'm trying.
I'm trying to look at things from a different perspective. You know what I mean? Like - if I step back a little bit maybe I can handle it a little better."
"That makes sense to me. Have you thought about going to talk to someone?"
"You mean a shrink?"
"Yeah."
"I have an appointment tomorrow after work."
"Oh!" Stacey chuckled.
"Yeah, I had a shrink awhile back when I was going through some teen angst. I called her up and, lucky for me, she had an opening tomorrow night."
"Awesome."
"Yep."
"And you know that you can talk to me, right?"
"I know."
"I just don't want what happened to drive a permanent wedge between us."
"It won't."
"Good. Now why don't you come out to the kitchen with me. I'm gonna fix up an early dinner before I have to go to work."
"They've got you on nights again."
"Not permanently, no. One of the other techs called me this morning to see if I could switch shifts with him. He had something that he had to do with his daughter or something like that. Besides, I like the late shift. There's more calls."
"Doesn't that suck?"
"No, actually, it makes the night go by faster. And usually the calls are pretty easy - 'Uhm, sir - did you plug the computer in?'"
"Oh, no way."
"Yes, sometimes they're that stupid."
The phone rang.
"I've got it," Karen said as she rolled over to answer the phone on her nightstand. "Hello?"
"Hey, Kare. Is Gary there?"
"Uhhhh - no."
"Oh. Know where he is?"
"That's not something I'm really concerning myself with anymore."
"What's wrong? You guys get in a fight or somethin'?"
"Tek, I am so not in the mood to deal with you right now." Tek was the keyboardist in Gary's semi-successful garage band.
"Chill, babe, chill. I've got some good news for him!"
"That's great, Tek. Call him at his Mom's and lose this number."
"Bitch," he said as he hung up the phone. Apparently that was his way of saying goodbye.
"Oh my god. What an asshole!"
Stacey laughed. "You have to be a human being to have an asshole. And Tek hardly qualifies."
"Isn't that the truth! I can't believe I supported that lazy ass prick while he went off chasing some dream of being in a band."
"He couldn't have been pulling in that much money."
"When the band was really hot, he wasn't doing too bad. But that only lasted for a few months. Ugh. I so don't want to talk about that fucker."
"Good. C'mon. I'm starving."
When I heard the knock on the door, I was watching Ellen Degeneres' new talk show. I picked up my crutches and hobbled to the door.
"Hey, Der!"
"Drew, what's up? How ya' feelin'?"
"All things considered, I'm doing pretty well. Getting a little tired of daytime television already but what're ya gonna do? Come on in!"
Derek walked in and I followed behind him. When we got over to the couch and I set my crutches down, Derek helped to lower me slowly onto the couch.
"Thanks, man."
"No prob." Derek's heart was, once again, pounding out of his chest.
"So, tomorrow's the big day, huh?"
"Yeah. Gotta leave bright and early. My flight leaves at 7:30 or something ridiculous like that."
"Eeeeew."
"I know."
"So, what's goin' on? Anymore dizzy spells or anything?"
"Nope. I've been fine. I really do feel great. I just can't wait for this damned cast to come off."
"I'm glad you're feeling better. I was worried about you."
"Awwww. You're so sweet," I said as he leaned over to give him a hug. Derek grabbed on tightly to me and I could feel his heart pounding.
"Dude! Are you okay?" I asked as I let go of Derek.
"Yeah. Fine. Why?"
"Your heart is pounding!"
"Drew, I...I...I'm just nervous about leaving you," Derek said, taking the easy way out.
"Der. I'm gonna be fine. I promise."
"You can't promise me that."
"Yes, I can. The doctors are pretty sure it was all stress related and now that Gary is leaving, a good chunk of my stress will be leaving with him."
"Yeah, how's all of that panning out?"
"Ha! It's not."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I can't wait for him to come around. He's got too many issues. Issues that I dealt with a long time ago. And I don't have the time or the patience."
"But, I thought you said you loved him."
"I do. But I have to accept what that relationship can and can't be. And it CAN'T be something that will last. He can't deal with that. And I can't deal with always wondering if he's going to leave me or flip out on me." It all sounded so wonderfully convincing coming out of my mouth. Unfortunately, I was still trying to convince myself just as much as I was trying to convince Derek.
"Have you told him this?"
"Not directly, no. I just told him that I need to distance myself from everything that happened. I don't think he realizes that it's probably going to be a permanent distance. Just as I suspect that Karen will never forgive him either. Hell, I'm not sure she'll ever forgive me!"
"Yeah, I don't know if I'd count on that one any time soon."
"I don't know what's going to happen when my leg gets better and I go home."
"I was going to ask you if you're planning on going back there or not."
"I have to. I can't stay here forever. I mean - I could. But I don't want to."
"Can't you get a place of your own?"
"Can't afford it. Especially not now."
"Why?"
"They fired me."
"They WHAT? They can't do that!"
"I know that."
"You should sue!"
"Wish I could. They claim to have some emails that I sent from my terminal."
"Yeah...so?"
"They're saying that's the reason why they're letting me go."
"You've got to be kidding me! You've been with them for a couple years now.
They made you a manager for crying out loud!"
"Apparently there're plenty of customer service reps just dying to manage the department."
"So, what kind of emails do they supposedly have?"
"Stacey and I would email back and forth like 5-6 times a day. Sometimes the emails got a little raunchy. Not my smartest maneuver ever."
"That SUCKS!"
"Yeah, they basically told me that if I went quietly they'd give me a glowing reference and say that I left of my own accord to seek better employment."
"So, they just don't want you to make waves."
"Precisely. And, ya know what, I really don't care. I wasn't a big fan of that job anyway. It's time for me to start using my degree."
"What did you have in mind?"
"I don't know. Maybe get my teaching certificate. Get a job at one of the neighboring schools as a music teacher. Then I could compose on the side."
"That's cool. You're very talented, you know?"
"Thanks."
"That piece you wrote for your senior concert was phenomenal."
"The string quartet? You liked that?"
"It was beautiful!"
"Flattery will get you everwhere!" I laughed.
Derek and I finished watching Ellen and I invited him to stay for dinner. Mom had started beef stew in the Crock Pot before she left for work and the smell was filling the house.
About halfway through our movie, Mom got home and, shortly thereafter, Dad followed. Mom made some corn bread to go along with the stew and then called us in for dinner. During dinner, I noticed my Mom and Derek exchanging a few odd glances.
"Okay," I asked jokingly, "what are you two up to?"
"Who?" Mom asked.
"Don't try to play innocent with me," I laughed, "You and Derek are up to something."
"No we're not!"
"You most certainly are!"
"Andrew, you're nuts," Derek said with a smile.
"Fine," I said, still amused, "you two can have your little secret."
"Hun, we don't have any secrets."
"Mom, you're not a good liar. And neither are you," I turned to Derek and pointed with a smile.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Derek replied and quickly changed the subject.
When dinner was over, Derek and Dad helped Mom to clear the table and then my parents went upstairs to do god knows what. They had also been exchanging glances throughout the evening but they were much different than the glances Mom and Derek were exchanging. I knew my parents still had an active sex life but really didn't want to think about it.
Derek and I decided to watch one of our favorite movies, "Nowhere", and when it was done, he told me he had to leave since he had an early morning ahead of him.
"Awww...do you really have to go?"
"Sorry, babe. Got to."
"Come here," I said.
Derek moved slowly towards me and I felt an electricity between the two of us that I had only felt once before (when we were fucked up on Ecstasy). Derek gazed into my eyes and looked as though he was moving in to kiss me rather than just hug me. But, as his face got close to mine, he reached out his arms and moved his head to kiss me gently on the cheek.
When he pulled away, I was speechless. What had just happened?
"I'll miss you."
"Yeah," I said hesitantly, "I'll miss you too." I was still pretty dazed and trying to figure out where the weird feeling had come from.
And then, it happened again. Derek reached his arm out and extended his hand to my cheek. I could feel the energy radiating from his hand as it approached my face. When it made contact, I closed my eyes and allowed the sensation to wash over me.
"You know I love you, right?"
"I...love you too," I said, opening my eyes. We had said it to each other a hundred times before. But, something about this seemed different.
"I'll see you soon."
"Have a safe trip."
"I will," he said as he grabbed his keys from the coffee table, turned to look at me once more, started to say something and then walked out.
"What the fuck just happened?" I asked myself out loud once the door had closed. My thought was interrupted by the sound of a floorboard squeaking repeatedly. "Oh Jesus," I mumbled, "move the damned bed guys. Eeew."
I turned up the TV a little to stifle the sounds of my parents' lovemaking session and then laid down to watch a marathon of "Bewitched." 'How queer am I?', I thought to myself.
I only got through two of them before falling asleep.
The next morning came early for Derek and Gary. Each of them packing their respective vehicles at their respective homes. Gary's mother shoving his stuff in and yelling at him to hurry up. She was remarkably bitchy - even at 4:45 in the morning. Derek's mother gently helping him to load the car and getting ready to drive her son to the airport. She was incredibly perky and sweet - even at 4:45 in the morning.
Neither one of them expected to see the other when they arrived at the airport but they had arrived at exactly the same time and Derek's mother pulled up right behind Gary's.
Derek and Gary stepped out of the vehicle and onto the curb.
"Derek."
"Hello, Gary."
"Where are you headed?"
"Business trip. And you?"
"Visiting relatives."
"Great," Derek said sarcastically, "have a fabulous time."
"Yeah. You too."
It was a short dialog but it was enough to make Derek want to beat the living shit out of Gary. He vowed to stay as far away from Gary for the next few hours as he possible could. He knew they weren't going to be on the same flight so all he had to do was avoid him in the terminal.
They each unloaded their bags and said goodbye to their mothers. Derek's 'goodbye' was significantly longer and more sentimental than Gary's. In fact, Gary had already checked in and was on his way through security when Derek finally stopped chatting with his Mom and decided he'd better get inside.
He checked in without any problem and passed quickly through security. When he found his gate, he noticed Gary sitting just two gates down at the American Airlines terminal. Gary was sitting with his back to the US Air gate and didn't notice Derek. Derek was relieved.
He spent the next hour thinking about Drew. As did Gary. Each of them wondering if they were making the right decision by leaving him alone. Derek knew that although Andrew probably knew it was more than just their usual goodbye that he didn't know just what he had meant when he said "I love you."
Gary also sat and did his best to remember every little detail of Andrew's face. The face that he had been denied the opportunity to see before he left. But, Gary was also haunted by the Karen's face. The face that he had struck with his own hand.
"Good morning, ladies and gentleman. I'd like to be the first to thank you for choosing American Airlines for your travel needs. Please note that we are now beginning to board American Airlines Flight #73 to Columbus, Ohio. At this time we would ask that all first class passengers come to the gate."
Derek looked over to see Gary stand up and walk towards the gate.
"Your attention please, U.S. Air is now boarding all first class ticket holders for our non-stop flight to Rome on Flight #24."
Derek stood up and headed towards the gate.
He looked over at Gary. Gary turned his head and noticed Derek getting ready to board his plane as well. Each of them stared at the other for a moment before Gary finally raised his hand and waived goodbye to Derek. Derek raised his hand and flipped him off. Gary just laughed in response. It was the last thing that he needed but he really didn't care either.
Each of them passed through the gate and walked down the hall to board their respective planes.
Derek was becoming more and more antsy by the second. What had he done? Why had he left without telling Andrew how much he loved him.
Gary sat in his seat and wondered why he hadn't insisted on seeing Andrew or just showed up at his doorstep. It was becoming more than he could bear. The thought of leaving without seeing him again was just too much. It was tearing his heart out. 'Jesus', he thought to himself, 'am I really in love with this kid?'
Derek's thoughts continued to plague him as well even as the elderly woman sat down next to him and attempted to make conversation. He really didn't care what she was saying. He was too fidgety.
"Are you alright?" She finally asked.
"Oh. Yeah. I'm fine."
"Who is she?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. I can just tell that you're obviously leaving someone behind that you care about very much. Either that or you have an intense fear of flying," she said with a smile.
"Yeah, actually, you're right. I am leaving someone behind." Derek wasn't sure he really wanted to open up to this woman but maybe it would help his nerves to talk about it a little bit.
"Tell me about her. That is...if you want to."
"Well," he chuckled, "SHE is the sweetest thing. And she has no idea how much I love her."
The stewardess called everyone's attention to the monitors as the pre-flight instructions began to play.
"Ahhh, I see. So, why didn't you tell her before you left?"
Derek laughed again. He wasn't about to correct her and tell her that it was actually a 'him' and not a 'her'. He just played along.
"Well, she has been through some really rough stuff lately and I didn't want to add to the stress."
"And you think that telling someone that you love them would add stress?"
"I know it sounds silly but, yeah. See, she recently got sorta dumped. She was also involved in a pretty bad car accident that causes her to have stress related blackouts."
"Does she love you?"
"I don't know. I mean. I know she does. I just don't know how much." Derek started to stare past the woman that he was speaking to. In his mind he was picturing Andrew's beautiful face.
"Judging by the look in your eye, I'd say that you do know."
Derek looked at the old woman and had a sudden admiration for her. He felt as though he was talking to his own grandmother. She was very comforting and seemed to be extremely wise.
"Excuse me," Derek said, unbuckling his seat belt and standing up. The old woman smiled.
"Sir," the stewardess said, "I'm going to have to ask you to get back in your seat and buckle your safety belt for takeoff."
"Takeoff? Already?"
"That's correct, sir. We're taxiing now and should be ready to take off within the next minute or so."
"I have to get off this flight."
"Sir, we can't stop the plane at this point." The stewardess saw the disappointment and urgency in his eyes. "Is this an emergency?"
"No," he sighed as he turned and headed back to his seat.
"Well," the old woman said, "you tried."
"Good Lord," he replied as he sat down. "What if something happens while I'm gone. His accident happened when I was away last time."
"HIS accident?"
'Shit', he thought to himself as he turned and looked at her.
"OH! Are you gay?"
"Uhm. Yeah."
"Oh, don't worry about it. My son is gay. I'm pretty hip to all this stuff," she said as she winked at him and patted his knee. "Why didn't you say so?"
"It just seemed easier."
"Don't you compromise yourself for anyone else. Ever."
Derek just smiled in response.
The plane began to speed down the runway and soon they were airborn. Suddenly, Derek noticed the phone on the back of the seat in front of him. 'Hell', he thought to himself, 'I could call him.'
"What do you think?" he asked her. "Should I call him?"
"If you don't, it'll eat you up for your entire trip."
Derek smiled and waited patiently for the plane to ascend to it's cruising level.
Gary sat in his crammed seat on the aisle and read his magazine as the plane took off. He had flown a million times before and hated it. He didn't have a fear of flying. He just hated sitting in the cramped plane for hours on end.
His mind continued to wander and he found himself losing his place in his article on numerous occasions. He just couldn't focus. Not on anything but the vision of Andrew's face. Was he going to do the same thing to Andrew that he had done to Mike? Completely push him away and lose him? And regret it forever? 'Wow,' he thought, 'I'm doing it all over again.'
He knew in his heart that he would always love Karen but that he could never be with her again. He was starting to wonder if he could ever be with a woman again. Suddenly, the flight to Ohio seemed like a terrible idea. But he knew that he couldn't make any quick decisions either. Would Andrew even think about taking him back? He knew that Karen never would. And he wouldn't really blame Andrew if he didn't either.
He stared at the phone on the back of the seat in front of him. He knew what he had to do.
Derek's plane leveled off and the stewardess announced that they had reached their cruising altitude. Derek didn't wait for her to continue her schpiel. He reached out and grabbed the phone. The old woman smiled. Derek entered his credit card information and dialed Andrew's cell phone number.
I was still asleep when the phone rang but it was loud enough to wake me up.
"Ouch," I said as I sat up and twisted my neck. I must've been sleeping in a bad position. I reached over and picked up the phone with one hand while rubbing the side of my neck with the other.
"Hello?"
"Drew?"
"Yeah," I mumbled. "Who's this?" I hadn't even bothered to look at the caller ID.
"It's Derek."
"Derek?" I snapped awake. "Aren't you supposed to be on a plane?"
"I am."
"You're calling me from the plane? What are you nuts? They're gonna charge you up the ass for that."
"Well, it's important."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, babe, I'm fine. I just have to tell you something."
"Must be pretty important. What's up?"
"Andrew, I love you."
"I love you too, hun. And nothing would ever change that. What's up?"
"That IS what's up. I don't just love you. I'm IN love with you."
I was speechless. Derek pulled the phone away from his ear to look and make sure he hadn't lost the signal.
"You still there?" he asked.
"Yeah. Uhm. Wow." I was REALLY awake now.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. You just kinda caught me off guard. That's all."
"I'm sorry. I hope this didn't upset you."
"No, no. I'm not upset. Just a little shocked."
"Andrew, when I found out what happened to you, I had a reaction that I've never had in my entire life. I panicked. I panicked more than I ever have. The thought that I almost lost you killed me. It wouldn't have been just a matter of losing my best friend. I would have been losing the love of my life."
The old woman put her hand on Derek's knee again and smiled at him.
I didn't know what to think. This was Derek. My best friend. Sure, I loved him. But I never really thought about him in a romantic way.
"Drew you don't have to say anything. I just had to tell you. I wanted to tell in person yesterday but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And now I'm kicking myself in the ass."
"Derek, I don't know what to say. You know that I love you too. I guess I've just never thought about us in a relationship."
"And I don't want to push you into that situation. I just needed you to know how I felt."
Once again, I was speechless.
"Andrew Branson, I love you."
"Derek, I love you too. I just..."
"I know. And it's okay. Don't worry about that right now. I don't want this to be something that upsets or haunts you for the next week. I just wanted to tell you."
"Wow. What a way to wake up!" I joked.
"Hee hee. Sorry, dude."
"S'okay," I laughed.
"Well," he said after a brief hesitation, "I guess I'm gonna get goin'."
"Huh?" Was he just going to call me and drop a bombshell like that and then hang up?
"I know I probably shouldn't have called you until we could talk more but I couldn't wait any longer. It really was eating me up inside. And this will give you a little bit of time to digest all of this. Can I call you from Rome?"
"Of course!"
"Cool."
"Derek?"
"Yeah?"
"No matter what happens, I don't ever want to lose you as my best friend."
"And you never will."
"Good. Because I couldn't live without you either."
Derek's heart skipped a beat as he allowed himself to hope that Andrew would come around.
"I'll talk to you soon."
"Definitely."
"Bye."
"Bye, Drew. Take care of yourself while I'm gone."
"I will."
"Okay. Bye."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone.
"Holy shit." My head was spinning. I set the phone down on the coffee table and laid back down. I was, of course, wide awake and had no expectation that I would fall back to sleep. I also didn't expect the phone to ring again. "Oy!" This time I decided I would look at the caller ID. It listed a long distance number that I didn't recognize but, for some reason, assumed was Derek again.
"Yes, dear?" I said as I answered the phone.
"Uhm. Drew?"
"Yeah."
"Hi. It's Gary."
'Oh God.' I thought. "Yeah, what's up? Hey! Wait a second. Please tell me that you're not calling me from the plane."
"Uhm, yeah, I am actually."
"What the hell are the odds?"
"Huh?"
"Derek just called me. I mean, literally, JUST called me from his flight."
"Weirdness."
"Yeah, you're tellin' me. So, please tell me that you haven't called to drop any major bombshells because it's too early for another one."
"Another one? Everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine. What's up?" Rather impatiently. I still wasn't sure that I wanted to be talking to Gary.
"I just had to hear your voice again."
Up until he said that, I was relatively disgusted with the fact that he was calling. Now I didn't know what to think. 'Who was going to call next?' I thought to myself.
"Is there something in the airline peanuts or something?"
"What? Why?"
"Nothing." The joke was obviously lost on Gary whom had no idea what had just happened with Derek.
"Look, I can't stop thinking about you."
"Gary, don't."
"Andrew, I'm serious. I know that I've been a shithead. And I know that I've been confused about everything but ever since that first night, I've known that we had something special." Gary looked around and discovered that he had gathered the attention of several of the passengers. But, for once, he didn't particularly care.
"You've BEEN confused? Does that mean that you think you've suddenly figured everything out?"
"I'm still not 100% sure but I know that I can't stop thinking about you. And I know that...," he paused, looked around him and then decided to just go for it, "that I love you." Gary heard the girl across the aisle say "Oh my god, how sweet," to her travel companion.
I slapped my hand against my forehead in disbelief. "Are you delusional?"
"No." he laughed.
"Gary, you can't just call me and tell me that you love me like this. I mean, what do you intend to do about it?"
"That's what I have to decide."
"Then, once again, you really didn't think this through. You shouldn't have called me until you knew. Because now we're right back where we started. Only, now, I'm going to have a harder time not holding onto this false hope that you're going to get your shit together."
"Maybe it's not a false hope."
"Gare," I said calmly, "maybe isn't good enough for me. I need someone who can love me all the time. And until you love and accept yourself, you can't offer me that."
"But the fact that I know I love you has to count for something."
"It does. Probably more than it should. But it's still not enough."
"Do you love me?"
"That's irrelevant."
"No, it's not."
"It has to be."
"Look, I can't promise you the world right now. But I can promise you that you will be all I think about for the next week."
"Gary, think about yourself. Think about Karen. Think about what you want from both of us. Think about whether you can honestly handle being gay and everything that comes along with that. I mean, are you really gay?"
"I don't know."
"Then that's what you need to think about."
Gary sighed. The conversation wasn't going the way he had hoped but it was going the way he expected. But he didn't care. At least he got to hear Andrew's voice.
"Can I call you from Ohio?"
"I don't know if that's a great idea."
"Leaving you wasn't a great idea."
"Gary, don't say stuff like that until you're sure." He was slowly chiseling away at the wall that I had put up to keep myself objective about everything.
"I just want you to know how much I love you."
"I wish I could believe you, Gary. I really do."
"I'll prove it to you when I get back."
"We'll see. Look, you should probably get off the phone."
"You're right. I'll call you in a couple days."
"Fine."
"Goodbye, angel."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone and turned it off. I didn't want to deal with anyone else. I felt like I must still be dreaming. That was the only logical explanation for what had just happened. My best friend has just told me that he loved me. And now Gary thinks that he is coming to this revelation that he can, in fact, be with me.
"What the fuck am I gonna do now?"