***Hey here it is #9. Now a note before you read this. I do not intend for this to be a sob story, but this part may be a bit depressing. As you all know I introduced Jesse Marks as a character with AIDS. Well, he isn't fictional. All the events and conversations dealing with Jess did happen, not with Howie obviously, but someone as close as Howie is in this story. He really was my best friend and he passed away this last August. I wanted to include this because I like the way it worked in and I wanted this to be a tribute of sort to him.
You see, unlike in this story, I wasn't able to let him know what a good friend he was. Everyone tells me he knew, but hey Jess, this is for you bro.
***Parts of this story are completly fictional and are not meant to imply that Howie, Brian or AJ are gay. If homosexual relationships and sex offend you or go against something then READ NO FURTHER!
My Night With Howie D. Part 9
By Craig
What a sight to wake to, the sun shining in the room and Howie laying there snoring softly with nothing on. He was on his back and his sculpted chest rose and fell with his breaths and it was all I could do not to go down on his beautiful cock. I just laid there and watched him sleep. I was nervous because today was the day I went and met with the producers about my future on "One of the Guy's". So this was very good and relaxing. I got off the bed and started looking through my closet for something to wear. I bent over to grab a pair of shoes when I felt a hand on my bare ass. I turned and Howie stood there smiling.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist." he said and kissed me. "No prob, you almost gotjumped too." I said and kissed him back.
Rubbing against each other and getting very hard, we went to the bed and started kissing. I took his hard cock and started to jerk it while he did the same to me. Then we positioned to suck each other and went to town. I took his cock into my mouth and throated it and then took it out and playfully licked it. Alternating this way his cock started to tense and he started to thrust and shoot his load in my mouth. Draining him and swallowing it all, I felt my own cock tense up and I startd to shoot. Howie clamped down and took it all. Then he started toying with my ass and lubing it with his spit. I was moaning and stroking his hardening cock. He got up and laid me on my back. Taking my legs up on his shoulder he plunged in and started to fill my ass with his big cock. It felt so good and my dick was immediatly hard and throbbing. He leaned down and kissed me and toyed with my nipples. I would tighten my muscles and keep his cock trapped and then release it only to trap it again. We were working up a sweat and were both feeling so good. I could feel myself getting ready to come. Then Howie took my cock and jacked me off into the most mind numbing orgasm. While I was blowing my wad and my ass muscle were going spastic, Howie blew his own load up my ass. We laid there and then I noticed the time and we got in the shower. We hopped in the shower and scrubbed each others backs. Then Howie took me into his arms and the hot water pounded against us while we kissed. We both started to arise so I went down and took his cock and started to tease it with my tongue. Then I grabbed his big fat balls and sucked on them causing him to moan and balance against the wall. I took his cock and engulfed it. Bobbing up and down and toying with his balls. He took my head in his hands and started thrusting. I reached behing and kneaded his ass. Then I slipped a finger up his wet ass. This cause him to blow another thick, hot load down my throat. He then pulled me up and went down on my cock. He filled his mouth with water and blew me. It was so intense that I blew right then. After showering we got dressed, grabbed a quick bite while I called the limo. It arrived and we were off to the studio. We arrived and I noticed that they were shooting. Everyone said hello and Kyle came up to me before we reached the office.
"Craig, look I know that we haven't gotten along, but dude you can't just leave the show. We need you. You, me and Mat are a team and without one its not the same." he said. "When did I say I was leaving Kyle?" "Um, its just something I had heard I guess." he said and loooked at the ground. "Shit, you mean that Brad is telling everyone that I am leaving already?"
He didn't say anything and I knew then that they knew and were going to beat me to the punch. We went into the office and the secretary told us that Jeff and Brad were waiting. The meeting basicallly summmed up what me and Jeff had already discussed. I had a chance at something big so they were going to let my contract run out, with the option of renewal within a year. And Brad was very kewl and even gave me ahug at the end. With that over we all went to lunch and then to Jeffs office where he gave me a pile of scripts to look over.
"Craig, I have to congratulate you on how you handled yourself. I am proud. Now, before you go looking through these scripts I want to discuss something with you. You are going to be on location with these movies and none of them are here. We purchased your house because you were here all the time. Now you are going to be travelling so much that you might not want to be saddled with it. This is up to you, but just let me know and i will handle it for you."
I thanked him and took the pile of scripts and Howie and headed home. We spent the rest of the day looking at the scripts. There were some that looked like sequels or were so similiar to Cruel Summer that I tossed them. There were some horror 'Scream' types. But the one that caught my attention was the one based on the gay musician Tommy. He was a memeber of a teen group in the early to mid 80's. They were big but inner conflicts and relationships split them up. He went on a downward spiral of drugs and sex before being shocked into reality by the death of a lover. He turned around and was coming back on top when he was shot and killed at a concert by his ex lover. I showed it to Howie and we agreed that it was good. And then Howie said what I was thinking.
"Its good Craig and I think it will go well, but its another gay role.
If you do this you know that your going to get publicized for it." "But would that be so bad Howie? Then I wouldn't have to hide anymore. Then we could be open."
He didn't say anything and got up and went to the window. I got off the couch and went over to him and I put my arms around him. He was tense and shrugged me off. He turned around and looked at me and from the look on his face I knew I wasn't going to like what wouuld come out of his mouth.
"Craig, I have to go back to Orlando on the 28th for Nicks birthday. After that we leave for our tour, thats going to go on and off until August. While I am on tour you'll be doing your movies and we're not going to see each other that often. What I am trying to say is, well, I can't come out with you. You can because your prepared for the consequence and can deal with it, but what I do affects four other people and I don't have the right to do that." "So what are you saying Howie?" I asked. "That you can't say anything about me." he answered.
I stood there shocked. We just looked at each other and didn't say anything.
"I think that maybe you should leave Howie." I said holding in my tears and anger. "Craig, no I didn't mean..." "Didn't mean what? Huh? You want to be with me and put this ring on my finger! You get pisssed because Brian flirted with me! You have the nerve to assume I am going to tell people about my personal life! You said that you would never let anything hurt me. Well guess what? You just did. Now please go away." I said.
Not being able to see what he would do I went to bathroom. I stayed in there for a half hour and heard him on the phone and then the door shut. I came out and saw that he had packed and left. There was a note on my dresser. It read:
Craig,
It looks like I put my foot in my mouth again. There is nothing I can say because your right, I did hurt you. Maybe this is for the best? Maybe we weren't meant to be? Do you believe that? Maybe you do, but I don't. I love you more than anything and wish that Icould take back what was said, but I can't. So I leave this in your hands. I am leaving for Orlando tomorrow. I await your call. Remember, your invited to Nicks party too, don't hold this against the guys. They are your friends too. I LOVE YOU.
Howie
I cried and looked at the ring on my hand. So many times that night I went to pick up the phone to call him but stopped before I completely dialed. I cried myself to sleep and the next morning woke up lonelier then I had ever been. I had tossed and turned all night. Without Howie there it hadn't felt right. I looked at the clock and saw it was noon. I jetted to the airport and caught him right before his flight was called.
I ran up to him and he smiled. We hugged but I didn't kiss him.
"Howie, maybe we just need some space and time. This all happened in not even a months time, and it just keeps getting crazy." I said. "Do you love me?" he asked with glistening eyes. "Yes." "Then it doesn't matter to me. If you need time, I'll give it to you as long as I know that you love me."
We hugged and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. His flight was boarding and he had to leave. We said goodbye and we both were crying.
I made up my mind then that I wouldn't call him, but let him call. I felt so bad, but was sure that we needed time apart to see if this was real. I went to Jeff and we secured the deal with the Tommy story. And I also decided to sell the house and stay in Tucson between shoots. The next week flew by. Jess and Aaron came to help me pack and I told them all about what happened. They urged me to call Howie but I held my ground and wouldn't break. Bri and AJ called every night and Nick even called to ask if I was coming, but no Howie.
They all told me how he was hurting and how this was tearing him up. I told them I was moving and made sure they had the numbers. We finshed up and I went back to Arizona until the filming started. I kept regular contact with Bri and AJ, but couldn't bring myself to talk to Howie. By then my stubborn pride wouldn't let me if I wanted to. I gave them my schedule for shooting and they gave me theirs in hopes that I would change my mind. The main shoots were in New York so I was stationed there. the studio got me an apartment and all the stuff I would need. By then it was end February. Then I got a phone call from Aaron, Jess had a relapse and was bad. I got time from the shoot and went to them. He had gotten pnemonia and this time it rocked his system, his cells were too low and he was a skeleton. To make matters worse, his parents had disowned him and his insurance was gone. But something good happened. Beth gave birth to the twins. They were beautiful and healthy and they looked just like Scott. Blonde hair and blue eyes. They named them Cary and Trey. I stayed for a few weeks and was made godfather to my nephews. I left to get back and Jess was to be transferred as soon as he was stable. They flew him up and Aaron moved in and the fimlming was underway. I watched all the Backstreet Boys appearances and cried every night. The time started flying and it was soon mid June and the shooting transferred to Canada. The guys were in concert and asked me to come, after a lot of debating I decided to do it. We were to surprise Howie. According to Brian, he was getting real bad and becoming silent and withdrawn offstage. I was escorted backstage and they were in their dressing room. I walked in with a dozen purple roses. They turned and saw me.
"Hey Howie, someone's hhere for you!" Brian called out. "Coming."
He walked out and saw me and a look of shock crossed his face. I dropped the flowers and went to him. We hugged and started crying so bad my vision was blurred. I heard the others leave and all I could feel was Howie holding tightly like I would run away. Then he pulled away and wiped the tears from my eyes.
"Why did you take so long Craig? I have been going loco. I missed you so bad that I was picking up the phone constantly but I couldn't call you. I was waiting for you too."
"God, I was doing the same thing Howie."
"You mean all this time we were apart because we were both too stubborn to pick up the phone?"
We laughed and fell to the couch. We started kissing and groping and had raging hard ons. But before we could do anything Kev came and told Howie they needed him. The concert started and I stood in the wings watching. Howie would look to me and make kissing faces. And when they sang "All I Have to Give" he sang it directly to me. After the concert we all went back to their hotel and made plans to go clubbing the next night. Howie practically dragged me to his room and we barely got in the door and we were ripping each others clothes off.
We fell on the floor and went at each others bodies. After kissing and licking each other Howie told me he had to fuck me. I needed it as bad as he wanted it so I said yes. Without lube or a condom he plunged in. Even with the pain it was great. He started pumping hard and stroking my cock at the same time and we were cumming. He laid on top of me and we kissed. We took a shower and got into the bed. I lay in his arms and he stroked my hair.
"Craig, I have had a lot of time to think and after talking to the guys we decided that .."
I put my fingers to his lips to stop him.
"Howie, No. Don't say anything. We're happy. Lets just leaveit at that." I said.
We talked intothe night and fell asleep in each others arms. We spent the next week between seeing each other as often as we could between concerts, rehearsals and filming. We fell right back into our groove. But all too soon they were leaving and I was heading back to New York. We promised this time to keep in touch. But the next time to get together would be when they were in New York in another month. Getting back to New York was great. Jess was still in the hospital but he was fighting it and the doctors couldn't say how long he had. Aaron and I had bonded and I told them all about it. They laughed and said I should have listened to them and I would have been happier sooner. Jess improved enough to be released from the hospital, but had to come in everyother day for a check up. During this time we did everything we could. One night, Howie and the guys came down and we all went out to a club and did karaoke. Jess would not leave me alone and I finally I got up and did it. I have a good voice, I just don't like to get up in front of others and sing, weird since I have no problem getting up in front of people and acting. It turned out to be fun and we all took turns and at the end we all did "I Touch Myself" as a group. The filming was going great. The title was 'Believe, the Tommy Carr story'. I was having a great time portraying him, in fact I actually did two songs. Which was kewl know, the karaoke had loosened me up. They were the two that he was releasing when he died and never got released. Originally they were going to voice over but I decided to give it a shot and actually had fun. The engineer mixed the existing vocal with mine and it turned out very kewl and haunting.
I was on the set doing the death scene, a scene that was freaking me out actually. We were in the lead up to it when I got the call. It was Aaron and I needed to get to the hospital NOW.
I was there as fast as I could and I arrived to find Aaron in tears. Jess had slipped into a coma. We went in and I couldn't believe that the man on the hospital bed was my best friend. Within the last six months he had lost so much weight that his skin was stretched over his bones and he was as light as a feather. We went to the bed and each took a hand. The machines constant beep was reassuring yet nerve wracking. We talked to him about everything, the doctor said he could hear us and our voices would help him. We sat there all night. At about three in the morning the machines started beeping and Jess stirred. He looked at us and half smiled.
"Your here." he rasped. "Shh Jess, don't waste your strength." Aaron said. "No, I know I..cough am going. I want you both to cough know that hack I loved you both more than anyone ever. And I want you to be happy. coughcoughcough Craig dont be a dick and let him into your life. Aaron, I cough love you."
He started hacking and coughing and then his body went into spams. A nurse came running in and cleard us out. We stood outside while two doctors and more nurses came. They were inside the room and then five minutes later they were out. We knew by the looks on their faces that he had died. Aaron broke down and I held him. We sat down and after awhile his tears became sobs. We took turns calling friends. Then he told me to call Jess's parents. I called them and got his mother. When I toldher she let out a sob and his dad took the phone. I told him and he was silent.
"Craig? Your gay too?" "Yes Mr. Marks." "I suggest you to stop it before you are punished too. It may already be too late."
He went on about god punishing Jesse because of his sins and that it was not too late for me to redeem my soul. I hung up. I felt sorry for Jess, that hehad to die without his parents love. But I couldn't cry. The tears were there they just wouldn't come out. After we did all we had to do we went back to the apartment. Aaron went to bed and I sat there. It was 6 in the morning and my cell rang. I answered and it was Howie.
"Craig? I am glad I caught you. We are going to be in New York in August now, it got pushed back. But, I can get away for the weekend. I am going to see Caroline, shes getting sick again. But maybe we can spend a couple days together?" "Okay." "What's wrong?" he asked. "Jesse died three hours ago." "Oh god, Craig I am so sorry. Are you okay?" "Yeah, its weird , but I haven't cried yet. Is something wrong with me?" "No. theres nothing wrong with you Craig. Sometimes it takes time for the tears. Fuck, I want to be there with you." "Just talkto me Howie, just talkto me."
And talk he did. We stayed on the phone for three hours just talking. He avoided Jess and I didn't say anything, we just talkd about the twins and music, movies. Then he had to go to the studio but he promised he would call that night. I went to the set and we started another scene. But my mind was elsewhere and I was flubbing lines right and left. The director, a really kewl guy by the way, sat me down and talked to me. After we finished he sent me home and told me they would do the scenes without me. I got home and found Aaron going through photo albums. We sat there and talked until the doorbell rang. I went to answer it and there was Howie. He dropped his bags and hugged me. Then he came in and gave Aaron a hug. We put his bags in my room and we all sat in the living room. We ordered pizzas and sat there all night talking about Jess. It was funny, once we got startd though, we couldn't stop and after we finished laughing and telling stories we felt better. Aaron surprised us by saying this is what we would do for a funeral. We would have people come up tell stories. How they best remembered Jess. Then he said something that threw me.
"Craig, Jess always said that he wanted you to sing for him. Would you?"
I sat there for a moment silent.
"You don't have to decided right now. But let me know. I am planning this for Friday. Since its only going to be a memorial." "What do you mean? " Howie asked. "Jess's parents demanded the body and are having a private service. So we are going to have a memorial." Aaron answered.
We decided we would do it in Tucson and invite everyone. Howie was arranging for the guys to come to. It would be kewl. We all went to bed and for once we didn't have sex, we just held each other. I woke in the morning and saw Howie propped on his arm staring at me.
"What?" "Nothing, you looked so peaceful that i just stared at you for an hour. Now that I have you, I never want to lose you Craig." he said stroking my hair.
We kissed and fooled around for awhile. Then it was off to the airport so he could get back to the tour. It was nice though. We had that night. It was Wednesday and we were due in Tucson on Friday. I threw myself into work and we had everything down but the death scene, which we would do when I got back.
Thursday afternoon I hopped a plane to Tucson. Aaron had left already. He was moving back to Tucson and I would miss him, my place had become our place and now they both were gone.
I arrived and visited my nephews. In the six months I had been gone they had gotten big and I had the time of my life with them. Howie and the guys came in also and we all chilled at the house. Watching Howie with and playing with the twins made me smile. I love kids and want some of my own eventually. And Howie was GREAT with them.
The next day we all gathered at the high school auditorium and had the memorial. I was thinking it would be a little side, even though I knew what we were going to do. But surprisingly it wasn't. Sure there were tears but there was laughter and fun. We remembered Jesse for the good times and wished him well wherever he was.
Then came my moment. I had told Aaron I would sing, but hadn't known what until the night before. I was fooling on the piano when I saw the perfect song. I went to the stage and did "The Rose." I got to the end and all the tears that had been there but wouldn't come, burst forth. I couldn't stop. I felt someone come up to me and lead me off the stage. It was Howie and he whispered to me that it was alright. We sat down and I buried my head in his chest. He rocked me in his arms and it was all right. After the service we all went home and chilled before returning to our seperate places.
I returned to New York and we finished up the movie. I was happy. I was going to stay in the apartment until the guys came to town and then I would be going with them to Orlando for a month of free time. But then the call came. It was the middle of the afternoon and the phone rang. I picked up and said hello. The line was silent and I thought it was a prank call. But then someone spoke.
"C-craig?" "Howie! What's wrong?" I asked worried. "Its Caroline, s-she. . .she died this morning."
Need I say it?
To Be Continued.....
== If you want it to be good boy, get yourself a Backstreet Boy