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Chapter 28 - The Cage and the Heart
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"What's the point, Thomas? It's not like I would ever see it anyway. You don't want anything to do with me. Within a few weeks, you will toss your resignation in my mailbox. Then I suppose you won't even open the door if I would come over."
"You keep saying that. Why?"
Matt shrugged. "I suppose it's an old wound, but am I not right?"
"I don't know, Matt. I don't usually mind if people come around. I have all means to kick them out if necessary."
"Peter said there was no way for him to repent once you said it's over."
"That one is true. The part about ghosting my exes is your interpretation only. Still, the main issue is on point. I never backed down on my word." Before you... "But I told you I would be here if you feel like talking."
"Yeah, I suppose as a friend or amateur shrink," he scoffed at me.
"I don't think we could ever be friends."
Matt looked at me. "On that, we agree."
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Why were his sadness and resentment so hurtful to me? This is what I wanted; for him to finally give up and for me to get back to the life I've built.
"Still. This place is important to me, Matt. I don't like you walking around here. Especially since I didn't invite you."
Matt kept standing in the spot. He was just a few feet away from me, and I couldn't help but feel calm and aroused in his presence again. This man could spike my sensations like no other. The array of emotions that he could make me feel was overwhelming sometimes. Maybe Peter was right. But maybe we just love different people differently because they bring out different sides of us.
Matt turned to me as he put his hands in his pockets. "Yet, you are not angry."
"How do you know that I am not?" I asked even though, for some reason, I really wasn't. This was just unbearably triggering.
Matt scoffed again. "I yearned for your anger many times, Thomas. I can guess by now."
"Or again, you think you can. Matt, we've been fucking a couple of times over unbelievable six days...or seven if you count the Christmas. Don't you still realize that? We've spent now more time trying to be apart than we were together," I shook my head and put my hands in my pockets.
"Touche... so are you more turned on or angry now?"
I frowned. Matt kept looking at me. I would have expected him to smirk, knowing he was right and I had nothing to say. Yet he just turned into the room and walked to a big cage with a twin bed in the corner.
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"I was curious about this."
"Why?"
"How many men lived there?"
"Few." He decided to see me as a twisted villain in this story... fine. I have been perceived as worse. I can take it. No matter that, seeing that in his eyes probably hurt me the most. I accepted that feeling and let go of it. Maybe it would make things easier.
"This is much more elaborate than Ben's basement.
"Ben has lots of kinks. I prefer to dive deeply in one."
Matt nodded. His face still turned away from me.
"What really happened, Thomas?"
"Why? What difference would it make?"
"That I will know the truth. Thomas, we both know you are not a manipulative bastard who doesn't care."
"How can you be sure?"
"Cos if you were, there would be someone there right now. Me. I was so deeply invested in you, Thomas. With everything you could make me feel, I genuinely believe you could make me think that's what I want. No matter how much I could hate it."
"What do you mean?"
"Thomas, you care about choosing the person you involve in this lifestyle with more regard for them than for what you want. I can see that. I could see that being with you that weekend. I could see that in the way you treated me. If you were a manipulative person, you would rape me that day when I forced myself into your house and demanded to be hurt. You knew I wanted to be broken."
"You are getting metaphorical again, Matt."
"Stop it, Thomas."
I signed. "It's different with you than I ever experienced with anyone."
"I spoke with Peter, and I spoke with Owen. I saw why you chose them, and I heard why they chose you."
Matt looked at me intently. "Owen is my friend. He is one tough guy, but even I could see the cracks when he took too much responsibility upon himself. I believe that he needed the release. And I could see Peter's face when being whipped. I believe he could cum from that in the right setting."
"You are observant."
"You were surprised when I asked what your hard limits are."
"I don't believe subs usually ask that."
"I wouldn't know, but definitely never anyone asked you."
"What are you trying to achieve, Matt?"
He looked at the cage. "You broke my shell, Thomas. At first, I wanted to hate you for that. But over time, it made me think a lot about myself, and I suppose I would never do that if you hadn't done that in the first place."
"I am glad you see some meaning in that." I still don't. Only frustration, hurt, and emptiness.
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"What happened here, Thomas?"
I sighed In resignation and walked towards him, looking at the bed. "I dated Owen for over two years, but we were together for about three in total. I never let someone in here before I think I know them."
Matt moved, and I watched him sit on the bed inside the cage, watching me through the steel grid. My blood boiled!
"Do you mind if I sit here? I'm beat."
"I do mind a lot. Let's take this upstairs."
"No. Is there a place I can sit here, and you will be okay with it?"
No... the smell is too strong, we are too close, and this room evokes every urge in me! I looked around for anything with the least leather or something that wouldn't remind me how to use it on him! I couldn't find anything I didn't find unbearably triggering!
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I cursed for myself. "Come with me."
I moved without thinking. This is never good!
I walked into the music room. After opening it and feeling the calmness this room brought me, I wanted to scream at myself and run away.
I was trying to get him away from the place that made me horny and showed him one where I felt the most emotional. What is it with this man?!... We should have rather stayed in the dungeon!
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Matt walked in behind me and gasped.
"What is this place?"
"I come here when the world is too much, as you say." I could not even look at him.
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We were in a small room with a warm beige carpet and pale blue ceiling. Along one wall were four guitars, and a piano stood in the corner next to them. Except that only a small couch, chair, and cabinet with a stereo were there.
If the dungeon was the place of my sexuality, this was the room where my heart was. Great, now I am thinking like Matt...
"You play?"
"Yes. Sit down, please."
Matt looked around and sat on the couch. I sat on the bench next to the piano. It was furthest from him.
"I would never guess."
"I would much rather be upstairs."
"Then I appreciate you taking me here. Owen or Peter never mentioned this."
"It's soundproofed, as you can see," I pointed at the walls with my chin. "I don't think they knew what was in here."
Matt frowned and looked around. "They were never here? Were any others here?"
"You didn't come here to discuss my music room, Matt."
He smiled softly as if realizing that I had ditched his questions.
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"So you dated Owen six months before taking him as a sub?"
"Not precisely. We were meeting, but I am unsure if I would call it dating. Most of our plays were at his place. After six months, I agreed to take him as my sub."
"So you did sleep with your partners before training."
"Yes. There's training, and there's training, Matt. I wasn't Owen's first dominant. Or owner, if you will. He had two before me. Those six months brought us on the same page about our preferences and whether we want to invest ourselves in that relationship."
"I suppose that went well."
I scoffed with disgust. "It's like I told you. It takes time till a person stops pretending they are more compatible than they are really. Owen was very good at keeping that image much longer, even past that point."
"How much longer?"
"Less than three years."
Matt watched me. His eyes were soothing and sad.
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"Did you love him?"
"I believe that I did." Even I was told today that I never have... all that's left are memories. I believed I knew what I felt. But who can tell now after I began to hate him, and that overshadowed every fond memory I had with him?
"What happens after those six months usually?"
"I believe Owen told you this."
"I want you to tell me."
"The first three to six months is establishing ground rules and training. General BDSM things many Masters and slaves go through. After that, it's more about setting our own rules and building our relationship based on our needs."
"That cage is your need?"
"That cage is a means to an end. For Owen, it was his need. I found that complementary."
Matt nodded.
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"How long they live in there?"
"Depends on the person. Three months was the minimum. Owen preferred to stay there mostly throughout our relationship."
"He never slept in your bed?"
"Sure, he did many times but took it as the highest reward."
"Wasn't that lonely?"
"I think this, too, depends on the person. He, of course, wanted to be there with me, but he also wanted to earn that. I believe that is what you called Stockholm Syndrome." I said coldly.
"I was angry, and yes, it was. Sorry. I thought it was your idea."
"You weren't wrong. It was also my idea. Those three months imprisonment is part of the training I require."
"Why?"
"Because I was looking for a person matching my needs. This way, the time people show their true colors decreases. Or I have believed that until I found out Owen never did. And also loved that feeling of having a willing sub waiting just for me there."
"That was why he took the time off work."
I nodded. "I told him he could work remotely. Those before him did so, but he said he would like to concentrate fully on the training. I worked from my office upstairs throughout that time."
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"What about others? What happened after they left the cage?"
"They were already accustomed to my regime and the rules of our play. So they chose to live with me or go back home and meet regularly."
"What regime?"
"I believe Owen must have told you."
"Not specifically. Only that you had precise time for everything from waking up to going to sleep."
"That's about it. We woke up at five, ran, and swam. Ate and worked. Owen wanted to gain some weight and muscle tone. He worked out during this time and was assigned chores."
"I remember he bulked a lot. What about his dancing?"
"He wasn't 24/7 locked in the cage, Matt. He just asked permission when he wanted to leave."
"Right. Then, when he moved in here and returned to work, he came back to this cage?"
"We were going out and were meeting our friends. We acted outside as a regular couple would. But you can say that he did return to this cage every night."
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"What more rules there were?"
"This all was discussed over the first three months, Matt. With every person, it was slightly different. The only things that were the same for everyone were the basic rules I demanded, which are for longer conversations and unnecessary for us."
Matt crossed his arms. "Why wasn't I given this choice?"
"You summarized it well already. It wouldn't be something you would thrive from or yearn for. I would have to manipulate you into that, break you, and with that, destroy the person I fell in love with."
Matt's eyes looked at me so beautifully that I couldn't hold the stare. It was true. I could have put it differently, but I just felt like being honest. I already brought him here. I made love with him and confessed my feelings to him. What difference could this make now...
"Thomas..."
I looked earnestly at him. "No, Matt. Don't. It doesn't change anything."
He fought tears. I could see that. I turned away.
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Matt stood up and moved.
"Can I?" he pointed at one acoustic guitar.
What's the point now, anyway... "Sure."
He sat on the sofa with it and played some simple soft accords. I watched him for a little while.
"So what happened with Sam? I suppose that night was why you broke up with him." he kept playing softly as he looked at me.
I turned to the piano and matched his tempo with same-minded soft tones. It felt relaxing... intimate, and soothing. And it became easier to speak like this for some reason.
"That night, I came home, and from how his shoes laid, I knew something was wrong. Music was playing quietly, and the lights were out. When I reached the living room, there were shoes I didn't know next to the couch."
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My fingers started falling heavier on the keys of the piano...
"I went further, and on my bed was Sam. He was sleeping shirtless on his back, and Owen cuddled beside him."
I exhaled and suppressed the urge to scream. "There was only a little light from the window, but I could see Owen kissing him as he brushed Sam's hair."
I stopped playing. I kept looking somewhere in front of me, not even seeing anything else than the scene I never wanted to come back to. I heard that Matt also stopped.
"I stood there watching him for a long time doing that, kissing Sam, touching him. Owen kept wiping his tears into my sheet. It was really sad. I would feel sorry for him if I didn't feel so devastated at that moment."
I pressed a single key with my finger, remembering that night. "Then he lay on Sam's chest and faced me. His face was too dark for me to tell how he may have looked at me. But he stood up and walked to me. Closed my bedroom door and asked me to hear him out."
I took a deep breath and counted from ten to one.
"We sat on the couch, and he told me a sad story about his best friend and the love of his life. Owen said he could never be with him since Sam is heterosexual and has a son and wife. So he made his peace with it, which is why he asked me all those years ago not to out him in front of this one person."
I scoffed, feeling absolute revulsion now, realizing that neither this was true. "At the start of our relationship, he said he was openly gay but didn't want to risk this friendship. I reluctantly agreed, and we met many times with Sam. I have even met Madison and Clayton. I actually liked that man."
I turned to Matt. I couldn't read the look on his face. The guitar was leaning against the back of the couch, and he intently listened to me.
"He asked me to leave Sam there since he got drunk when his wife decided to divorce him, and she had just told him that night."
I crossed my arms and fought my hardest not to cry as I kept talking. This fucking room! I should have demanded to go upstairs!!!
"Then he had the nerve to beg me to leave my house and return the next day after work since he told Sam that was his house. I suppose he had no other place to take him since he had rented his place when he moved in with me. He should have thought to take him to the hotel. Owen could lie to me and say he cared for his drunk friend. I would have understood that, knowing Sam just found out his wife filed for divorce."
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Matt straightened his spine, and his eyes were fierce.
"Tell me you didn't leave your house."
"I was so angry at that point, so hurt, that I was genuinely afraid of what I could do to him if I stayed. I didn't tell him that, but that was why I left. I hadn't spoken a word that night, only that we would talk about it the next day."
"I would kick him out!"
"Matt, I train MMA three times a week to this day since I was four. I am not an angry person, but I was in a state of mind when I knew I would be a danger to him if I didn't leave. I was still worried about coming the next day for this reason."
Matt nodded.
"As Owen told you, I chose to take a different approach. You see, Matt, every brute can be feared, but being feared when you are calm and smiling is one of the most powerful things one can achieve. I did give him the best session we had. It would be beautiful if it weren't so empty to me. Then I locked the cage and packed his thighs as he told you. I left him there until everything was neatly packed and in his car. After that, I went to pack the things from the dungeon, and only then did he realize what was happening."
I took a deep breath. "He tried to persuade me to change my mind, but I calmly told him everything I hadn't until that moment. How I felt when I came and saw them. How I felt when he revealed things he kept from me during our relationship. How much hate I was feeling towards him then. And that my trust in him had been shattered to pieces and would never be repaired. He listened and cried."
I crossed my arms. "Then I also put those things in his car and came for him. Again, I gave him a choice to leave himself or fight me, explaining that I was worried about fighting him now. He knew perfectly well what that meant, so he went himself."
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"I am sorry."
"It's in the past. But when Dora called me to work in that company, I was livid!"
"Then why have you done it?"
"Dora and I have a history of which I will not speak with you."
"What would you do if you met him while working?"
"I would advise him to keep away from me."
Matt looked at me intently. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Never saw the need."
He scoffed and shook his head.
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"If that's all you needed to know, Matt. I would want you to leave now."
Matt stared at me with such care that it was breaking my heart. I can't be with him now, especially not here!
"Can I take a look at the dungeon before that?"
I frowned. "Why?"
"I want to have all the information so I can understand and move on," he smirked softly.
I couldn't help but smirk a little at that. Is he seriously using that argument against me?
"Fine. Go."
"Thank you."
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Matt walked out, and I closed the door, leaning against it and watching him with arms crossed over my chest.
"What is this?"
"It's X-frame."
"Ben had one like that."
"It's pretty standard for BDSM play."
"It can also be horizontal?"
"I had this one custom-made. I can have it at any angle."
"Cool."
I watched him feel the wood with his hand, and I felt tingling sensations awaken again in my stomach.
"What's this?"
"You can look at most of these things online, Matt."
"I tried, I can't."
I furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"I can't. It's hard to look for one only with guys. Even when I do, I have to scroll through many with women. And by the time I find something, I feel like I can't move. So, at this point, I don't even want to risk it anymore. I could put some gay porn on, buy some book, but that doesn't always have what I need to understand."
This moved me... how much this guy craves aggression yet how much he distinguishes it between sexes. I had never met a person like him... How much trauma is within this man...?
I came closer. "It's a standard pillory frame or BDSM wood stock. There can be added support for hips or knees, but I prefer it like this. The man bends or kneels to it, and this unlatches. I have it adjustable. Hands and head go here. I suppose it's pretty obvious how it works after that." And you would look fucking hot in it.
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"Did you use any of these things on yourself?"
"Not in a sexual or submissive way. I tried them when I needed to see whether they functioned correctly, but all control I ever gave up was with you."
Matt turned his head to me, watching my eyes.
I stepped back.
Matt roamed the room and asked if he understood correctly what this or that could be used for or outwardly asked about its function.
I walked behind him. Every single thing he touched made me want to use it on him. The smell of this room mixed with his dried sweat in such a way that I was now hungry for him to the point of madness. But I enjoyed it so much I couldn't stop.
"Why do you have this?"
"In a cage small like this, there are only a few ways one can fit, and I can have the needed access if I want to use him."
It aroused him. I could see his reaction to various things. I knew by now very well which he found stimulating, which he hated, and which he found neutral. I was now so hard. It was uncomfortable. I hated this, but I couldn't get enough of him.
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He turned and went to the wall section with masks, blindfolds, whips, and paddles.
"That's flogger?"
"All of these are."
"Why the array of choices?"
"Each one feels different. They can sting or thug. And some can do both. The one we used at Ben's is closest to this one."
I reached and handed it to him. He looked at me, and our hands touched. We kept staring at each other, and then I looked away.
"These are canes. There were Peters favorites, as you could have guessed." I pointed, and he looked there, taking one in his hand and hanging the flogger over his wrist by the leather loop.
"Why canes?"
"Peter?"
He nodded.
"I suppose he could best answer that, but I believe it was the pleasurable pain he felt from it."
"Which one is your favorite?"
It's hanging down your wrist.
"I do like flogging."
"You are quite skilled at it."
I smirked. "Practice."
"Right," he sneered and put both back.
"These hurt how?"
He pointed at other different paddles.
"Each one is different and depends on how you wield them."
"I don't see ropes anywhere," Matt turned to me.
"Here." I walked to a big chest of drawers and opened one.
"May I?"
"Sure."
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He picked up one and felt it. "You love bondage."
"It's one of my favorites. Yes."
Matt's eyes were dreamy, and for a while already, I could see his cock tenting his pants. But now his body emitted such an arousing smell that I was slowly losing control.
"Collars?" Matt opened another drawer.
"Yes, they are quite practical sometimes. In the next are cuffs."
"And this one?" he opened it before I could decide whether I wanted him to see that.
"Right." Matt exhaled.
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This drawer was dedicated to one single thing. It lay on a black velvet pillow with a blue silk tie neatly folded next to it. It was a custom-made silver chain with so many remarkable possible adjustments that neither I had ever thought of something like this. He could see that even though everything in the drawers was nearly organized, none had such space dedicated to them.
Matt picked it up and held it. His eyes were dim and sad. "I was hoping that I get to use it one day."
He just let it slide back into the drawer and closed it.
"What's in this one?" Matt pointed to another chest of drawers next to the one in front of which we stayed. He kept standing firm, but I could see his shoulders sink. I opened the drawer and took the chain, feeling it between my fingers.
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"Dildos, vibrators, wands, and things like that."
"Right."
As if he had lost his appetite for exploring further, but he was adamant about finishing.
"There?" Matt pointed at the big cabinet in the corner.
"Swing, some machinery, and different things for wearing. Harnesses, costumes, lingerie, stockings."
Matt turned. We both remembered that night. Matt looked down at my hands, still holding the chain. He stared at me. I was holding by a thread now.
"You should go now, Matt."
"Why?"
"Cos I've been holding back for too long now. It's getting dangerous."
His eyes locked mine in his gaze. "How long can lions last without food?"
"What?"
He moved towards me. "Lions. They hunt once a week, but what if they won't be able to eat for longer than that?"
"I don't know. What is your point, Matt?"
"How long can you last without the food, Thomas?"
My voice got deeper. I felt myself shaking from how hard I wanted to take this man right now! "Why are you asking, Matt?"
"Your eyes. You are starving, Thomas."
This damn chaos! I was seriously fighting the urge to grab him; he could see that, and he had the nerve to mock me!
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"Have you done this on purpose, Matt? Coming down here."
"In all honesty, no. I wasn't planning on this."
"Then why have you come?"
"I suppose I am also crazy from hunger," his throaty voice made my cock twitch.
With that, Matt moved before me. My throat was dry, and I couldn't breathe when he knelt under me.
"Devour me, Thomas. Please." his deep voice purred, and the darkness of his eyes sent chills through me.
I glared at him for a long while. Battling the fight within me despite knowing I had already lost.
I locked the chain around his neck and pulled as I bent to him. I tugged on that chain roughly and kissed those lips I yearned so much for!
I was doomed. I was lost. I was crazy about this man, and there was nothing I could do about that!
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Chapter 29 - Lion's Den - https://www.patreon.com/posts/my-new-personal-78846846
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