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Chapter 27 -- Thomas's point of view
Thu. Feb. 6th, 2020
My conscience awoke, and my body responded automatically to my circadian rhythm. I sat on the bed and proceeded to stretch my body in active meditation before I sat down, stayed still, and concentrated on my breath.
Time was passing, and my trained mind was blank, or at least to the extent I could manage these days. Accepting and letting go of images of him as I kept trying to meditate properly.
It helped, as always, but it took me a great effort to achieve that. I tried not to swear internally to avoid bringing even more attention to these unwelcome thoughts. Only now, I opened my eyes just to cover them in frustration and stood up.
I opened the window and went to the bathroom. Then I took clothes from the pile I readied yesterday and got dressed. I could practically move blindfolded through this ritual.
Running shoes by the door. Keys. And finally, freedom of the cold morning air around me.
I locked the door, and my body started to run. It was precisely 6,7 miles to the pool, and a cheery voice welcomed me again this morning.
.
"6 am on the dot. Sir, you never fail."
I smiled at Patrick. He was just opening and was already more than used to being punctual since I started coming here nine years ago. I pondered... how time flies.
The pool always opens at six; I love that no one is here. Even those first visitors come around six twenty at the earliest. It's small enough for that but clean and close. The presence of this particular pool was why I decided to buy that condo over others, and I have reaped these benefits for six years now.
I changed into my swimwear and put on my cap. I showered and started.
.
6:30. I looked at the wall clock as I finished another lap. Peter should be here about now. I looked to the entrance, and he didn't disappoint again.
"Thomas." He never stopped greeting me even though he wasn't calling me Master for years and changed his schedule according to his current Master, of course.
"Peter," I replied. "Can we talk afterward?"
"Of course, Thomas."
This place was magical for me... I kept swimming until 7:10, and then I went to the shower.
.
7:30. Peter will be leaving the pool now. I was already dressed and waited for him in the lobby. Conveniently, Ben told me I didn't need to ask his permission to meet with Peter if Peter agreed.
My smart watch notified me about mail from Mr. John Dawnson, the second owner of the company.
I looked at my phone and cursed silently, knowing that this would require me to meet with Matt. Or maybe I can send it to him... He can just sign it for me, and the courier can bring it back. That wasn't the problem. I was very aware that the problem was that I craved to see him. I couldn't help it. And that man tended to awaken my right hemisphere to the point where I acted against my whole training and self-control. He was dangerous to me, yet I knew I couldn't stop my decisions sometimes.
"Thomas?"
Peter walked into the lobby, interrupting my thoughts.
"Peter, can you join me for breakfast?"
"Sure, you look a bit apprehensive. Is everything all right?"
He would never dare to ask me something like this a few years ago. It was fascinating to see how much different Ben is as a Master. But I don't think I ever saw Peter so happy.
I smiled lightly, even though I was sure I was not fooling this man. "I will be fine."
We went to a small place near and sat down.
"Just a camomile tea, miss. Thank you." I looked at Peter.
"Coffee, please."
I stopped frowning at that for years, but it was still irking me a bit.
.
"What's on your mind, Thomas?"
"Matt told me that you spoke."
Peter smiled. "Yes, it was an interesting day."
"Why?"
"I suppose you know him the best from us, so you are sure aware that he is very stubborn when he sets his mind. There were, of course, things that we wouldn't say, but it was obvious that he cared about you very much. I believe Ben was really moved at some point."
"What do you mean?"
"He acted like a brat, but then he switched into this earnest kid who needed to understand."
"What did he want to understand?"
"Why you don't want to be with him."
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him you mean when you say something, and it's not fair to you when he says he is straight. He seemed to somehow withdraw after that."
I nodded, remembering our conversation with Matt that day. I suppose there isn't anything much Peter can tell me more. I knew him well enough to know he would start with those things he deemed most important for me to learn about from those he could tell me.
.
"He is training with Ross?"
"Yes, every Tuesday and Thursday. He is very driven. "
I nodded again. I thought so. Honestly, it was a pleasant change for me for some wicked reason. That's not really correct... I knew very well that I loved how challenging he was for me, and he even seemed worthy to subdue myself to him when I felt the need to give up control. But this exact side he awoke was sometimes scaring me to my core.
"Thomas, why did you let him take you?"
This guy grew some serious guts over the years. I straightened my spine and gave him a warning look.
"I felt like that."
Peter just lowered his eyes and took a sip of his coffee.
"Thomas. You kept saying with every partner you had that you loved them. I believe it was about a year in a relationship, if not precisely that. That was the point when you started saying it, but after seeing you that New Year's..." he looked at me. "I realized that you never loved any one of us."
I raised my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Thomas, I've met few of the people you owned, and Matt is the only one I wanted to slap and throw out of my house, run to my bedroom, and cry."
"Elaborate, please."
"I am sure you are aware of this, Thomas, but I am not sure if you are willing to accept that. I have never seen you look that way at anyone. I knew from the moment you were looking at the door waiting for him to swear for himself and enter."
"That man is not good for me," I stated as I drank my tea slowly.
"Why?"
"He is making me reckless and out of control."
"That's what love does sometimes."
"I am aware that I love him, Peter. But, still, I am not willing to be with him."
Peter nodded.
. "Why have you never broken him?"
I closed my eyes, realizing that this was indeed a conscious choice. I loved the heat he was emitting from his eyes when he was like that. Matt was like a wild beast challenging me if I was worthy of him following me. Taking me and even protecting me. I knew I would have to kill that side of him if I was to break him in for me.
"I just couldn't bring myself to do that," I said finally.
Peter nodded with a smile. "I thought so."
I felt Matt's presence in my mind. Talking about him made him even more real to me now, and I felt I was losing my sense of control. I composed myself and looked at my watch.
"Thank you for seeing me, Peter. I should go now."
"Of course, Thomas."
. I stood up and turned to leave.
"Thomas?"
"Yes?"
"Love doesn't always have to hurt. And sometimes it's worth it," he smiled. I told him this sentence when he was struggling with his feelings toward Ben. I understood his intention. It was special. What an amazing man this one is.
"Thank you, goodbye, Peter."
"Goodbye, Thomas."
I paid and ran back home. 6,2 miles, and it's already 8:13. I need to hurry.
. . .
. I opened my door and showered again. I should change that lotion. It reminded me now of him every time I put it on after the shower. But then I could just change the bed and the whole house when I am at it...
I sat in my study and started working.
Doorbell rang. A courier handed me the envelope, and I took it inside. I processed everything needed, and all left was Matt's signature.
He wasn't online... I can wait till he gets back behind the computer.
Minutes passed, and he was still offline.
My hand reached for my phone, and I realized just when the ringing sounded in my ear what have I done. No...!
"Thomas?" His voice sounded broken but firm as if he decided to withstand it all. The strength of this man was captivating to me.
"Matt, you were offline, so I just wanted to ask you. I have a few things that I need your signature on. I will send a courier, but I need them latest tomorrow. Are you at home?"
"No, I am not. I will stop by around noon."
"That is not necessary, just tell me where you are, and I will send someone."
"Right, Thomas, let's make one thing very clear now. I am your boss, not the other way around. I am coming over. I will sign everything you need, make it ready for me at ... wait. Is two o'clock feasible? I just realized I have lunch with friends at 11:30."
Fuck... I can't have you here and stay sane. Fuck! I need him to let me hire someone ASAP!
"Fine. I will make it ready for two o'clock."
I wrote it down, underlined a bit harder than I intended, and ripped the paper. Great...!
"Good. I will see you then."
Fuck! I can't take a third shower today! Just calm down already! I gritted my fist in frustration and counted from ten down to one.
. . .
Two o'clock. I opened the door, and his car was nowhere close. I imagined all the things I would do to him if he were mine for being late.
I closed the door and returned to my desk, only to stand back three minutes later. I cursed for myself and went there. He is my boss, not my sub! I kept repeating that to myself until I opened the door, and my mind got blank as a canvas.
Matt stood there, and he was sweating.
"It's freezing here! Let me in, Thomas."
He went from his car just in a cotton tee shirt with no sleeves, and it was soaked with sweat, just like those loose slacks. That fucking shirt was white and wet! Outside was cold, and his fucking chest hair was black! I could see his hard nipples and dark hair under that shirt glued to his chest.
He stepped in around me, and his sweat attacked my nostrils with such intensity I rasped. He didn't even look at me and bent to take off his shoes. I could see the straps of the jockstrap around his butt, underneath his pants.
I inhaled again, and the smell made me boil! I felt my cock stir, and we stared at each other with hunger as he stood straight in front of me.
"You are late." I managed to compose myself and turn away from him. "And you stink," I added.
"And you are hard. Let's stop playing games, Thomas."
I turned to him but continued to my study. "Sit."
Only after coming here I realized that I had readied everything on the coffee table in the living room.
Idiot...
I came back, and he was already sitting on my couch and reading the papers.
.
"Water?"
"Sure, thank you." he didn't even glance at me from the papers."
I put the glass in front of him and stepped back, trying to concentrate on something else, then his pumped biceps and sweaty shirt glued to his ripped chest. And that fucking arousing smell of him! Fuck this man!
"Been to dinner with Owen, as you surely know," he stated so coldly I frowned.
"Yeah, I was there when you asked him." I hated coming back to that memory.
"We had quite a chat."
"I believe."
He put signed papers on the side and started reading the next ones.
"Did you write me to tell him everything just to hurt him?"
When Matt was about to meet Owen, he sent me a message and asked me if there were anything I would like him not to say to Owen. But since he is a friend and both are my exes, the conversation will be solely about me, just to be aware. I was pissed, and remembering what Owen did, I replied only with, "Tell him EVERYTHING!" I hoped Owen would reciprocate accordingly.
"Yes. Did it work?"
"Yes. He was brokenhearted," Matt looked at me with rage.
"Good. What did he tell you?"
"That he brought here drunk Sam when he was going through a divorce."
I frowned. I hope he said more than that! "And what else?"
"That he asked you to let him sleep here since you were living here together and that Sam didn't know that Owen is gay. And Owen begged you to keep that a secret. Owen said you were upset, and you left after that. Then, when you came back, you gave him the best session you two ever had. And afterward, you locked him in a cage while you packed his things and threw him out." Matt's voice was full of hate and righteous anger.
I was LIVID!!! This was Owen's recollection of that?! I growled and crossed my arms. "And what else?"
Matt observed me. "He gave me some insight into the way you usually date. That is if you can call a Stockholm syndrome dating."
Now, this was too much! I seriously hated him at this point! How dare you!
"What -- Did -- He -- Tell You - Was - The Reason - I Kicked Him - Out?!" I said it slowly, pouring every fiber of hatred into those words.
Matt frowned. "Only what I had just told you."
I was now fucking raging at this point! Matt saw that.
"What happened more?" Matt's look grew gentler as if he realized only now there could be more to that.
Don't look at me like that! I can't stand that look! Not after you just talked to me this way!
Matt stood up and walked towards me, reaching for my shoulders with extended arms.
"Don't you dare touch me!" I barked, and he stopped.
"I did it again, did I?" Again, that sad puppy look. Fuck him!
"What do you mean?" I growled.
"Again, I assumed I knew everything instead of asking you."
Fucking hell stop playing with me, man!
"Yes." I fought tears. What the fuck?!
"Please tell me."
"Why? It wouldn't change anything."
"I want to know, Thomas."
"You should finish singing those papers and leave Matt."
"Now!" I added when he wasn't moving.
He shook his head and went to sit on the couch. I left him there and went to study, trying to work.
I didn't feel that angry at Matt now. Hurt..., sure, a lot, but again as I was used to him... I could understand that I would probably have the same idea from only that information he's got. But Owen? I fucking hated him now! I never wanted to see his face again, cos I could seriously harm him!
.
It was about twenty minutes when a camera from the basement popped up on my screen, detecting a movement. I looked that way and saw Matt stepping down the stairs.
I stepped out of the study and went straight down there.
Matt had already found the light and was standing in the middle of the room. He was barefoot on concrete, his body sweaty and intoxicating. The smell of concrete, wood and leather matched his sweat in such a captivating way that I had to take a harsh breath to be able to speak.
"You are not allowed here."
My voice sent chills down his spine, and the sight of that made my dick twitch and grow, robbing me of much-needed blood in my brain now!
.
Chapter 28 -- Cage and Heart - https://www.patreon.com/posts/my-new-personal-78575674
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