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Chapter 23 - Natasha
I arrived in front of my house. It looked so peaceful now. I didn't want to be here. But it was necessary, and she deserved a better break-up than me telling everyone I was going to kiss someone else.
I opened the door and stepped in. Boxes were everywhere. As I approached the bedroom, I could clearly hear Natasha moving around and probably packing. I took a deep breath.
"You should sue him."
I stopped with my hand on the door. Not her... I hated this particular friend of hers.
"Just stop it, Ness," a soft voice spoke.
Great, so I suppose that the whole crew was here...
"Maya, hand me that bag there."
"This one?"
"No, that's Matt's. That beige one."
"Just take his."
"Shut up, Ness. I already told you I am not taking anything of his. And if he calls me that he cannot find just a paperclip of his, I will tell him to call you straight away!"
"You do that, girl. I would love to talk to him about how big of a dick he is."
"You can tell me now if you want, Vanessa."
The room went quiet. Vanessa stared at me with disgust, but she just pursed her lips and didn't say a word. Just as I thought.
"Hi, Natasha," I could see her swollen eyes, and for the first time in a long while, her hair was in a messy bun, with no makeup, and she was wearing just a plain tee with slacks. She looked nice. She looked like the girl I met many years ago. I was sorry to see her sad like this, however.
"Hi," her stare was cold, but honestly, I expected more outbursts from her.
"Girls, can you go home? I think this will be a long talk."
They just nodded. Maya looked at me with a sad expression. But Vanessa stared me down as a leech. I let that go since I haven't cared about any of them at all, really. Maya is a sweet country girl, she always tends to look at people from the better side, and honestly, she is cute. She was always a bit boring and only spoke a little to me anyway. Vanessa is a first-class gold digger, and in truth, the biggest reason I started to look at Natasha similarly since those two spent quite a lot of time together, and I just never liked the way she treated her now husband.
Natasha just sat there, piles of clothes packed in suitcases and another mountain more waiting to be loaded. We heard the front door slam loudly, and I wondered how anyone could stand that bitch. I meant Vanessa this time. I looked at Natasha; she was observing me with her arms crossed in front of her.
I called Brandon at first, of course. He said to me that he had told Natasha about my kink. I was infuriated! He had no right to say anything without my consent! Brandon told me that if I ever trusted him, he needed me to trust him now. Natasha loves me, and she would never give up. She needed to know that this was not just some younger, prettier girl but someone who could give me something she never could. I was still mad at him for telling Natasha about that, but he at least didn't say that it was a man. I would probably have a hard time talking with him for a while if he did that.
"I would slap you, but you would probably just enjoy that, would you."
I exhaled in frustration. Here we go...
"How long was that going on?"
"Few months."
"Great! I have to admit, I couldn't say. Maybe that night you came into my bath. That was weird."
"It was the first night we were together."
"Right..." she turned away, hurt.
"I am sorry. You didn't deserve that. I mean to tell you the way I did."
"So it's not that I didn't deserve to be cheated on. It's the way how I found out?! Sure, thank you for your concern, Matthew."
Damn it...
"Who is she?"
"I will not tell you."
"Do you love her?"
Why do people always ask this? Like it would change a single thing...
"Would it be easier if I would or wouldn't?"
"Truth would be nice for a change."
"I don't know. I ... no... well ... fuck I seriously don't know how I feel."
"I guessed that would be the case. Then let me enlighten you, Matthew."
She stood up and unbuttoned my shirt.
"What are you doing, Natasha?"
"I just want to see something. Don't worry. I won't make you cheat on her with your ex." Natasha was spiteful and cold, but I could see the pain in her eyes. I let her, and her nimble fingers took off my shirt.
"Damn..."
She just stared and walked around me. "Brandon was right. I could never do that to you."
She touched my back, and I hissed.
"What is this from?"
At this point, I decided to be honest with her, except for the part when it's not her but he, of course.
"I think it's called flogger."
"Does it hurt?"
"Slightly."
"Why is it bruised so much right here?"
"I cursed out of frustration, and that cunt made me spell it."
"Yet you still call her a cunt. How sweet. I think it seems like one healthy relationship."
"What did Bran tell you?"
"That you found a person you'd never expect to fall for. And he never saw you more fulfilled than when that person kicked you out on the street in a torn shirt and bruises all over your body."
"Bastard." I need to speak with him after this, seriously!
"He meant well," her voice got gentler, sad but still gentler. "I have to say I was screaming so much that only the amount of shock I felt right then stopped me."
"Did she really kick you out in torn shirt?"
"Actually, I was completely naked," I admitted after a while.
"Damn! You liked that?"
"No! I was furious, but I kind of deserved it."
"Why did she do that?"
"I may have used a very bad word."
"I have to say I like her a little," she smirked and crossed her arms, still looking at the state of my chest. "Did she know about me?"
"Yes."
"Okay, in that case, I don't like her anymore. Damn... Matthew, I have to say, I would have never guessed. I mean... we had some rough sex, but every time it went past some line, you froze, like in fear or something. Was this it? Did you never have the courage to ask me for something like this?"
"No, it's not that. I never thought this could be part of sex."
She brushed the hair on my chest.
"I have to say I like them shorter like this."
"I don't."
She chuckled. "Then why did you let her?"
"It wasn't my choice."
"Is she blackmailing you somehow?" her eyes showed concern for a bit.
"No." I shook my head.
"Then why?"
"I was forbidden to come back, and I couldn't stand the thought."
She raised her eyebrows. "After she threw you out?"
"Yes."
"So you came back anyway, and you rather had your chest waxed than never see her again?"
"I think it's more complicated, but I suppose you can say that."
"Damn..."
I think she wouldn't be able to believe that if she hadn't seen the state of my back and chest. Even when she saw it, it was evident that she couldn't process it fully.
"Is it true you didn't see each other between that time and New Year's? And you have been that whole time at Brandon's?"
"I may have brought a Christmas gift and left it in front of the door."
"At least someone got a Christmas present from you, then."
Fuck... I didn't even realize that I had never bought her a gift for Christmas...
"I hope you don't mind I may have burned yours."
"No, it's fine."
"So you two are now together?"
"No."
"No?" she looked confused
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't want to talk about it with you, really."
"Why not? Maybe I can give you a woman's point of view."
I couldn't tell if she was sarcastic or genuine, but I would think something in between as I knew her...
"I don't need that. Thank you."
"Matthew..." she shook her head and sat down.
"Did you tell them?"
"Maya and Ness? No! Well, I told them what happened at New Year's, of course, but that's about it. First, I don't think it's any of my business to say, and then we have NDA, as you are surely aware. Which reminds me that we won't need this."
She went and handed me a signed prenup. My lawyer would be pissed. He spent about six months dealing back and forth with Natasha about this.
"I suppose we won't."
"You need to hire someone to take care of canceling everything for the wedding. I will not be doing it."
"Sure, that's not a problem."
"And I am keeping the dress."
"You finally bought one?"
"Yes. Like two weeks ago. Do you want back the ring?"
"No. Keep it, sell it. I don't care. I will also send the settlement to your account."
"Keep it, Matthew. It may come as a huge surprise to you, but I was never with you for the money."
"Where are you going to live?"
"I already asked my dad. He has a few houses he rents, and one lease is due in February, so if I don't find something in the meantime, I will go there."
"Good."
We spend a couple of moments in silence. I sat on the bed and took her hand.
"Was I that big of a bitch?"
"No! I mean, you could sometimes be, but I know I was not ideal myself."
"No, but you were sweet and caring when you were here, and I just wanted to hold on to that."
"I was not here that much, was I?" I looked at the room around us.
She chuckled and sat next to me. "Matthew... I knew how much those numbers and codes on the screen meant to you. Damn, that server room back there has its own air-condition!"
"It's important there."
She smiled so kindly at me. I remembered why I fell in love with her back then. She always supported me in anything! She never told me something was impossible. Even when others saw only problems, she just listened with a smile.
If she weren't so damn jealous, I couldn't find a thing to complain about. But she became viscous and just plain evil when she felt that insecurity. After a while, I just didn't care enough and did it. I remember that I didn't even feel bad about it... I just chose to see it as her fault anyway. When you treat one as a cheater even when he is faithful, why should he stay like that... Now I know that I was just selfish, that it was easier than dealing with her and working on our relationship...
"I know it is. But, I have to say I liked that about you. How you could get obsessed with little things and drive yourself until you finished them! I admired that. I honestly can't think of one thing I finished." Her voice brought me back to the present.
"We were happy for a while, were we?" I realized.
"Yes... Maybe I shouldn't have stopped working... I could see how you changed when I did."
"You hated that job."
"Yes, but when I think back, that's probably the turning point."
"No, that was when you started hanging out with Vanessa."
"What?!" she turned to me, shocked. The truth is, I could never be bothered enough to tell her. I hated fighting with her.
"I'm sorry I never wanted to say anything. I was away for most days, and I was glad you found someone to spend time with you during the day, but I hate her. And then you started to change. I mean, you are beautiful, but at some point, it just became a bit much."
"Why you never told me?! I did that for you! I wanted to be representable for you!"
"I know. I just thought you were enjoying it, so I thought, what is the harm?"
"We could've worked on that if you told me."
"I don't know if I wanted to work on that. I was too focused on my work. I was glad I didn't have to work on something else."
Natasha shook her head in disbelief.
"So you liked me more when I was just a plain, humble, ordinary girl?"
"Yeah, you were cute. But I still think you are beautiful. We just drifted apart."
"Would you be willing to try it if I became that girl again?"
"No. I am sorry. Not because I don't care about you, Nat. Mostly because I realized that I do, and I have issues you are not able to handle if I laid them on you. And I don't want to take more advantage of you."
"Well, then, I suppose we are both masochistic in a way, cos I would love for you to do that."
"I am sorry, I can't."
"And she can handle all those issues of yours?"
"No. No one can. But with this, I get kind of relief for a while." I looked at my wrists and touched the marks on them.
She gently touched my neck and wrapped her fingers around it. She didn't squeeze; she just held it. It felt nice but in a different way than with Thomas. I looked at her. She kissed me, and I kissed her back, but soon I pulled her from me and hugged her instead. She cried for a while, and I held her.
"You know what hurts me the most?"
I stayed silent.
"The way you looked at her when she laughed. I can't get that image from my head. I don't think you ever looked at me like that."
I frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"Do you think I believed Brandon when he told me it's something special?"
I pulled her away and looked at her, concerned.
"I was going berserk, and he spent quite a time trying to get me to understand that you would never do this and hurt me like this if it wasn't so special for you."
"Special?"
"Yeah, when I still didn't believe him and tried to find the most painful way to get back at you, he sat me down and seriously talked to me. I mean, I never saw him this severe. Then he showed me a video."
"Fuck!" Now I knew exactly what she was talking about. "I will kill him!"
"No, don't. I mean, Brandon is a prick sometimes, but he cares about you deeply. He muted it but told me what was going on in there. I suppose I know that bitch; otherwise, he would let me hear her voice."
I just nodded. Natasha pierced me with her now teary red eyes. "It's good he did. I would hunt her down and hurt her!"
"I wouldn't let you."
She just scoffed.
"There was a moment when you looked at her with this cute dreamy look, and honestly, I was pissed, but at that point, I was more concerned with the state of your chest and the way you were tied to the bed. But then Brandon told me that that person would laugh at one point. I was confused at first since it was muted, but then you looked at her... you looked at her as I never saw you look at a living person... I mean, you looked at her with more love and appreciation than I ever saw you look at anything. And I count those times when new components for that cherished server came after you've been waiting for them for three months."
She knows me well...
"So if you don't love her, I genuinely don't know if you can love anyone."
"It's not that simple, Nat."
"Does she also have a boyfriend or husband?"
"No."
"She just told you she doesn't want to be with you?"
"Pretty much."
She nodded and blew her nose in tissue.
"Why can't we try it? We can work on it somehow. I love you, Matt."
"Would you ever be able to believe me again?"
Natasha looked at me, troubled. She would sacrifice much for me. But I knew her well. She loved me, but the idea of me being with someone else was eating her alive. She had issues with it even when I was faithful. Now, after she knows that I indeed cheated, she may think that we could work on that, but I believed that after the whole prospect of ending something she had invested so much in became sorted out and I would "repent," she would be obsessed even more.
I didn't think she could see that.
I told her that part of Thomas's speech about people being obsessed with bad boys. I suppose it could be applied here as well. She listened with about the same doubtful expression as I had.
"That's what she said to you when she broke your heart?"
"Yes."
"And you still want her?"
I chuckled, realizing how pathetic I was. "Yes."
"My poor little fool. She will destroy you."
"It's possible."
"And you are okay with that?"
"I told you, Nat, it's not that simple."
She stood up and started packing.
"Hand me that bag, Matthew, please."
"Here. Can I help, or would you like to have some space?"
"You can pack that pile there. But please put on some shirt."
We packed her things from the whole house while we talked. Actually, I don't remember if I ever spent so much time talking with her. We were smiling at some point and even laughing a few times, but mostly she was sad, and when she broke down crying, we just stopped, and I held her until she stood up with something along the lines that she has too many things to pack. It was even weirder when she had to tell me where some things belonged, as I never cared about them.
We packed some of that into her car, and she told me she would come tomorrow with her dad for the rest and would prefer it if I wouldn't be here. I will probably need to speak with him anyway in the near future, as I don't want to leave it like this, but I accepted.
In the end, it was the nicest break-up I experienced, and I was grateful for that.
I still refuse to take last night with Thomas as a break-up!
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The next chapter is here if you can't wait. >> Chapter 24 - Thomas's confession - https://www.patreon.com/posts/78327757
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I.D.