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Chapter 22 - In my apartment
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"Ben?"
"Ben, love?"
I think we both heard him, but we were lost.
"Matt." A calm voice reached my ears.
"I am still here, Thomas," I smiled. This man was my sanity. He unleashed all my demons, yet he could also be the one who could tame them.
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Ben smiled also and turned to Peter and kissed him.
"I think we should go to Phil now," Ben smiled at me. "You take care, Matt."
I nodded in agreement and understanding. "You too, Ben."
This man was something else. I knew that the first moment he looked at me back in the kitchen, and I was genuinely curious about the hell the two of us could unleash. I wasn't even horny. It was not sexual. This was a different kind of attraction, and we both knew that.
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"I own a gym nearby. You are not welcome in my bed, but I can help you with that," Ben nodded meaningfully at me.
I also nodded. I didn't know why; it felt like the proper reaction.
"We should also go, Matt."
We got dressed and said our goodbyes.
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"Where are we going now?" I asked, breathing the cold fresh air with a satisfied smile. This night might turn out better than I could have expected.
"I am going home, and you should as well."
I turned to him. "Why?"
He looked like he wanted to be with me, but this eminent sadness was in his eyes. He then just sighed as if giving up. "Where do you want to go?"
"Your place?" I wanted to see his basement.
"No."
His sharp cold tone made me positive that we were not going there. Damn! I tried to think of something else. I would take him anywhere. I would sit on a cold bench with him if he would be up for that, but I still haven't cummed, and I hoped we could change it till the night ends.
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"Okay. Then come." I opened the passenger's door and held them for him. I stared at him with a resolute decision in my eyes. This night is not over yet!
"Where are we going?"
"To my place."
"Isn't Natasha there?"
"Not that house," I admitted.
"Then where?" Thomas frowned and put his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
"Just come, Thomas, please."
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We arrived at the building, and I parked in my spot. I thought about how I should explain why I owned this place to him. I didn't want to lie, yet I was sure he wouldn't like it. Fuck! Maybe I should have taken him to Brandon's place or some hotel...
We were greeted by Mike, the doorman, who smiled at us even though his look at Thomas couldn't hide a hint of surprise.
I led us to the elevator and pressed the button. Constantly trying to find words to explain this in a way that will be bearable for him.
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"What is this place?"
He looked around as we entered a spacious apartment with tall windows and a beautiful view of the city below. I had it designed here to my taste: a spacious living room with an oversized grey couch, very few decorations, and simple wooden furniture around the room. Next to that was a small open kitchen with chrome and marble counter, and plain wooden cabinets, matching the living room pieces. There was also a bathroom, office, server room, and of course, bedroom. But from the look of him, he didn't need the tour.
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"Well. It's my apartment."
"I guessed that, alright. So why did you then stay with Brandon instead of this place?"
"The company... I love Brandon, he is a dick sometimes, but I can be myself with him, and I didn't feel like spending the time alone."
Thomas nodded. "And why do you have an empty apartment in the first place?"
He wasn't beating around the bush at all. The look he was giving me was excruciating.
"I found it convenient."
"For what?"
"Okay, I think we both know the answer, Thomas."
He nodded. "Say it, please, so we are clear, Matt."
I exhaled. "I came here when I felt suffocated and needed space from Natasha."
Thomas just stared at me. We both knew what he wanted to hear.
"And I may have brought few women here with me from time to time."
"So you have been cheating on her the whole time."
"Occasionally."
"Can you even count how many?"
I stayed silent.
"Right," he turned away from me and looked at the place.
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I was worried he would turn and go away, but he just took off his jacket, threw it on the couch, and looked at me.
"Does this place at least get cleaned regularly?"
"Yes."
"Good," he went in and rolled up his sleeves.
I was shocked!
"You don't mind?"
"Part of me wants to scream, but it's making things easier. So no. I don't mind."
"What do you mean it's making things easier?"
He went to the kitchen, found two glasses, and filled them with water.
"You know I have a thing against lies."
"I didn't lie to you. We never talked about this."
"I don't mean this, Matt. What I mean is that I was going to tell you that I will not be in this relationship with you anyway."
"What do you mean? We just slept together!"
"Yes. I know. Consider that your Christmas present."
"Fuck you, Thomas!"
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He just smiled and shook his head.
"Do you know what would happen to any of my previous partners if they talked to me this way?"
"I suppose nothing good."
Thomas looked at me. "Matt, they would be scared to see me the next time."
"Then why are you not like that with me?"
Thomas turned around with a smile and looked into his glass with a smirk. "Beats me. Honestly. I kind of find it arousing."
I came to him and hugged him from behind, kissing his neck.
"Then why do you want to stop?"
"Because I liked my life before you, Matt Sanders."
"I liked my life before you as well, Thomas Birns, but I never felt like this."
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He smiled, turned to me, and handed me the second glass.
"And how do you expect this to work? How long would it take till some bimbo spreads her legs on that couch?"
"I don't know. I don't think that far ahead."
"I do, Matt."
"Then we both can have other partners," I shrugged my shoulders.
"Firstly, you should have seen yourself meeting Peter. And that is something that ended eight years ago. Secondly, I don't want something like that."
"He started." I may have felt some hostility towards Peter, but his staring me down escalated my antipathy towards him mostly.
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Thomas smirked at me and sat on that couch.
"Did you really break up with him cos he liked having a smooth body?"
"No..." Thomas shook his head and looked out the window. "He did something I deemed unforgivable."
"What?"
"That is between him and me," he looked sternly at me.
"So you would mind if I slept with other women, but what we did tonight was okay?"
"I was not thinking very rationally when you came to that shop in Brandon's shirt. I was myself shocked at the way I reacted. But even if I don't mind consensual sharing, it's different from cheating."
"Then how about we would consensually share from time to time."
"I suppose you mean with women."
"And men."
He looked hurt, yet his lips curved up. "Thank you, Matt. You are making this really easy now."
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"Thomas, fuck! What do you want?"
"For you to stop hitting on me, for starters."
"For real?"
"Yes."
I came to him. "Thomas, please, don't. I need you!"
"That's not enough for me."
"Then, what do you want?"
"I told you, Matt."
"No, I mean from life, future, and all that shit, its prospects are making you break up with me?"
"We are not dating, Matt."
"Answer me," I looked sternly at him.
"Matt, I will be 37 next year. I already lost hope of raising children with my partner, but I do want someone to spend my life with. And I don't have years to invest in indulging your curiosity about your sexuality."
"Then give me at least a year."
"No."
"Eight months!"
"Matt, there is no amount I will agree on."
"Why? We can stop when you find someone like that!"
"Matt, it's hard for me to believe your word and our deals. You broke every single one. And what is worse is that I let you. And most importantly, I am already fighting the feelings I have for you. If I let myself spend even a month with you, I don't know whether I would be able to stop until it's too late."
I came closer and knelt in front of him. "Why is that so bad, damn it?"
"Cos that will never be enough for you, Matt. And I am not blind nor stupid."
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Fuck... to swear off all women for the rest of my life? No, he was right. I could never do that. Hell, I knew that this apartment would often be used even when I would marry Natasha. So I couldn't say with a straight face that he would be enough. But this was breaking me apart!
"Matt. One thing that draws you to me is that you can't have me. I showed you something you had never experienced before and didn't allow you to finish that. You were not given a chance to end this chapter in your head, which is killing you. It's natural for all people. It's a deep urge within all of us," he shrugged as if he was saying the most basic thing. I frowned.
"The whole stereotype of a bad boy is based on this human trait. You want them, and it's giving you a thrill like you haven't experienced. Then they even give you little hope, a sweet word, while you see how they treat all others. It got you hooked, but still, they keep their distance. The tension, the passion, the pain, the pleasure. You can't stop. You keep thinking you got them at your reach, and you are already too invested to stop."
He looked at me and drank the water in his hand. "But that is all only in your head. The craving for finishing unfinished business that is slipping through your fingers. We all have this yearning for it. I have the same with you. The difference is that I can see it for what it actually is. You keep idealizing it in your head."
Thomas stood up, and I just kept glaring at him. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that?
"I am sure you yourself gave this longing to many women. You just never experienced it yourself, so you don't know how to deal with it, and it makes you obsessed and addicted."
He went to refill his glass. "Think about it. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you can get over it."
"Have you?" I stared at him.
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Thomas looked at me. We both knew I was right. He liked me. He longed for me. I could see it every time he looked at me!
"No, but I am trying."
"Please don't." I stood up and walked to him. I took the glass from his hand and put it on the counter while I leaned in and kissed him.
Thomas exhaled and hugged me around the waist.
"I already made my peace with sleeping with you tonight, Matt. But I will leave tomorrow and start looking for your PA the first day I return to work."
"Then I want you to take this off."
I pulled on his hand and took his watch from him, putting it on the counter. "Cos, today will be a fucking long day!"
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I kissed him with everything in me. The longing, the anxiety, the sadness, the anger. Everything in me screamed that I needed this man in my life. And I didn't care why!"
Thomas returned my kiss, but there was an unknown softness in him. I took him in my arms and felt his hand comb through my hair.
I kissed his jaw and tilted his head gently back, kissing his neck, Adam's apple, and then that vein traveling down his throat. He moaned slightly and looked at me with that fucking beautiful, sad eyes before he kissed my neck and started unwrapping my ripped shirt. Thomas looked at it with a smirk and pulled it down from my shoulders.
I watched him kissing my collarbone and combing through my chest hair. Most of the hair grew back, but they were much shorter now than it had been before.
Thomas kissed my nipple, and he bit it so gently that I gasped in surprise. I held his head and watched him caress my body. Then he unbuttoned my pants and pulled them down with my underwear.
He looked at me and pushed me upwards as if to guide me to sit on the counter. I did, and he took every piece of clothing off me. I sat there and bent over his head to kiss him again.
That man's hands ran all over me, and I loved that sensation.
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Thomas broke the kiss and stepped back. He stared at me, and his eyes cherished the view of me. I watched him soak me in from head to toe, unbutton his vest and dress shirt, and take them off. Then he put them both on the counter next to me.
I gazed at him in awe, undressing for me, and couldn't nearly breathe when he stepped out of his pants and briefs.
He stood there motionless, just letting me look at him and worship him with my eyes. I felt my dick jerk a few times in need as it was slowly filling with blood.
"How can a man be so goddamn beautiful?"
He just smiled slightly and came to me. Kissing me again.
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I wrapped my legs around him, and he pressed his body to mine.
We didn't even fight. There was no aggression in this whatsoever. We just sensually kissed, as we did that night I took him the first time.
"Thomas."
"Hush, Matt. I don't want to think."
Why it sounded so familiar? I held him and let him kiss my body. He knelt and kissed my thighs, spreading them further apart. Thomas then licked my balls, sending shivers up my spine, and I felt his tongue ride up my cock. I moaned and watched this magnificent man going down on me with such beauty and elegance I never saw!
I held the counter's edge and tried to burn this image in my memory. Thomas took my cockhead in and sucked so gently I thought he was teasing me in the cruelest way until I realized he was gradually progressing his depth and tempo. I was moaning uncontrollably by the time he engulfed my whole dick in his throat, and the feeling of that was elevating!
"Thomas!" I was shaking, and he looked at me as he repeated the whole process backward, this time finishing with kissing my balls and licking my taint!
I was breathing heavily, not knowing how much time could have passed, but I was surprised that I didn't cum from that.
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Thomas stood up and pulled my legs, so I partially lay on the counter, and my legs were in the air. He held them as he lowered himself again and, this time, ran his tongue on my sore asshole. He licked it gently, and I gasped and moaned, feeling him eating me.
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He then spat on it and raised himself with dark eyes and his cock in hand.
I nodded with a smile and raised my hands to invite him into my arms. He smiled and pushed gently in, while pulling me into his embrace. We kissed as he slowly moved in me. Thomas held my head with one hand and roamed my chest with the other.
I wrapped my legs around him and kissed his ear and shoulder. His tempo gradually increased, and soon we looked at each other with longing I had never felt before. I wanted this man in my life! I didn't care that he was a guy...
"Thomas, please stay with me."
He didn't answer, just kissed me.
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Thomas pulled out and took me by the hand.
"Where is the bedroom?"
"Come."
I led him into a spacious room with a kingsized bed and silk grey and white bed sheets. We held hands as we kissed, and he backed me onto the bed, laying me on it while he kissed my lips, neck, ear, and even my eyelids at some point. He then took my leg again and raised it on his shoulder, finding my crack with his cock. There was no pain, no thrill, just a sheer need for closure between us. If this was goodbye, it was the cruelest and most beautiful I could have imagined.
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He took me in many positions that morning, each time caringly and gently until we both knew he is close as he could be. I never once touched my cock, he held it and sucked it many times. Thomas made sure every time that I was still far from cumming. It was torture, but it was so sweet. I was just grateful for him knowing a men's body this good!
Then he laid me on my back and pulled out from me. I thought he would change the position again, but he rose above me this time and straddled my hips.
"Where do you have lube, Matt?"
"That drawer."
. I pointed, and he took it. In a dazed state, I watched him smear it on my cock along the whole length and then reach behind him.
I opened my mouth, and my cock jerked in anticipation. Thomas kissed me for the longest time before he slowly sat, pointing my dick into his hole and sighing while looking into my eyes.
I was lost! The tightness of his hole and the sensations from this whole night were all dawning on me. I started shaking and raised my chest to hug him as he began to move after a while.
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I kissed him and felt his hands lightly scratch my back. We moved slowly but deliberately. I held him, and he roamed all over my body with his hands.
We were getting so close! I looked into Thomas's eyes and saw that look. I knew how much he cared for me, and I greatly cared for him, also. No, I didn't want to be with him as my partner, and I knew I wanted to keep sleeping with women, but I wanted to have this man in my life! Is that so wrong? Am I that selfish and don't even see it?
He started shaking, and his mouth was open in constant low exhales.
"You are so beautiful!" It was all I could think of at the moment!
"You are too, Matt. I will cum soon!" He smiled.
I gently took his straining cock and started jerking it.
"Cum for me, baby!" I told him and kissed that bulging vein before me.
He pushed me slightly and looked at me with that strange, sad smile before he leaned in and kissed me as he started riding me more and more desperately.
It took maybe a minute, and he shook and cried in ecstasy. Seeing him like this was too much! The tightness and spasms around my cock sent me over the edge, and as I held his waist, I kept pressing him down into my body. I screamed myself and shot my load into him.
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We slowly stopped and just sat there. Just now, I felt moist droplets on my belly and chest. Thomas's eyes were tired, and I laid him down on the sheets with more care than any lover before.
I kissed his eyelids and pulled out from him. I covered him with a blanket before I raised myself up and went to the bathroom to wash.
I couldn't help but smile when I returned, and he lay there sleeping. I moved in next to him, breathing in his sweaty, earthy musk. I kissed his temple and fell asleep next to him.
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...
I don't know what time it could be. I would believe it was a dream if it wouldn't wake me up instantly. I felt him move, but I was too tired even to open my eyes. Then I heard water and thought he was probably in the shower. I dozed off again.
Kiss touched my lips and then my temple. It felt nice.
"I love you, Matt Sanders. Goodbye."
Those whispered words slowly traveled through my consciousness until I realized what was happening. I opened my eyes and sat on the bed, only to see him leave. By the time I found out how my legs work, I had heard the front door close.
I grabbed the sheet, wrapping it around my waist as I tried to reach the door. I opened them and saw Thomas standing in the elevator.
"Thomas!"
He looked my way and softly smiled as the elevator door closed, and he left.
I ran inside and hurriedly dressed in that torn shirt and pants. I grabbed my phone and called him, but he wasn't answering.
I took the keys and ran barefoot to the elevator pressing the button like I wanted to break through it.
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When I finally reached the ground floor, Thomas was nowhere to be seen, and he still wasn't picking up.
"Is everything alright, mister Sanders?"
"Mike! Did you see man in a suit here?"
"That gentleman that came with you tonight?"
"Yes!" I was impatient.
"He just left, sir."
Fuck! I was sure he didn't go on foot.
"He took a cab?"
"Yes, sir, is everything alright, sir?"
So, there is no point in looking for him on the street. He left me.
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I looked at Mike; he pointed at my ripped shirt and probably bruised chest. Like, I give a fuck now about how I look! That man just said he loves me, and then he left me!! Who the fuck does that?!
"No." I shook my head and returned to the elevator. Nothing has been all right for a good while now.
"Can I help you with anything, sir?"
"No, Mike, thank you...."
"If you'd need anything, sir, please let me know."
"Sure, thank you, Mike."
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I looked at my phone. Brandon sent me a message.
"You owe me, bro!"
Then I saw that Natasha has sent me one as well.
"We should talk, Matt. I will be waiting for you at home. I will pack in the meantime."
Great... just fucking great!
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I entered the elevator and watched the street before me as the door closed. Thomas loves me... How do I even feel about that?
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I.D.