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Chapter 14 -- Crossing the lines
Thomas crossed the distance between us in three fast steps and bodychecked me on the tiles beneath me. I managed to keep my head from hitting the ground, but my back sent waves of pain to my brain from that impact. I grunted and grabbed him by the neck, pulling him up while he sat on me, straddling my hips, trying to pin my arms to the floor. I turned my body with all my strength to get him from me, but it looked like he knew what he was doing, and within a few minutes, I was wiggling under him, trying to break free.
"His name."
"No!"
"You just making it worse, Matt."
"Good."
He looked at me with a cruel grimace as he leaned closer to my lips, staring at me. He knew I was already too well-conditioned for him to kiss me. Yet he was depriving me of that now. I raised my head, trying to reach his lips, and he moved just so slightly that my open mouth missed his. I growled.
"You are playing a dangerous game, slut."
"Kiss me, fucker!"
"Tell me his name."
"Why do you think I know it?"
"Do you?"
I was quiet. I didn't know how long I could play this cat-and-mouse game.
Thomas took my silence as an answer. He put my arm lower and fastened it with his leg. Fuck! He definitely did this before. I struggled with all my might, but he somehow got the upper hand every time. I need to work on this!
He reached for the belt near us. I froze, and he saw that. A sadistic grin glowed on his face. He pulled the sides, creating a sharp sound as leather slapped against the leather. I felt chills that frightened me to my very core. I watched his hands, and I was shaking all over my body. His smile disappeared, and he observed me closely as he did that again.
I fucking flipped. The adrenaline rushed through my bloodstream, and I threw him off me with such strength that I would send a smaller man to the hospital. I grabbed his throat and mounted him, punching him in the face. Thomas roared! He twisted my arm with a fast, methodical move, so suddenly, I couldn't react in time. My head hit the floor, and in the short moment of disorientation, he pulled my arm behind my back.
I felt his arm putting me in a chokehold; all I could do was grip it with my free hand so I could breathe.
"You will never again strike me like that, Matt. Is that clear? I will break that arm if you do that again! IS -- THAT -- FUCKING -- CLEAR?"
His screaming voice woke me up, bringing me to reality.
"Yes," I stammered while gasping for air.
"NEVER!" he screamed into my ear.
"Yes," I said weakly, realizing I was about to faint.
I heard his roar behind me. He was angry beyond himself. I thought I should brace for the worst, not even knowing what that could be, but the way his voice was trembling with anger was frightening. Finally, he let go of me. He stood up and threw something against the wall. I lay there gasping for air.
"Get up!"
I pulled myself to my knees when I felt the belt around my neck like a noose. With his second hand, he grabbed strands of my hair and pulled on the belt so hard I tilted back.
"You are like a badly trained dog! I am not into puppy play, but I will find a way to tame you!"
"Thomas..." I couldn't breathe.
He watched me pulling on that belt, gasping. He watched me and must have known that I was unable to breathe because he released me just at the point when I thought I would die here. I coughed when I felt him hitting me. I fell on the floor. Spent.
"How is it okay for you to hit me then?"
"Because you sick fuck enjoy it!"
"And you don't?"
He squatted in front of me. He was still holding the belt firmly around my neck.
"Matt. Do you remember when we sat at that table that Friday afternoon and went through things that we would not do?"
"Yes."
"Did I tell you that you will never hit me with your fist?"
"Yes."
"Did you then tell me I could hit you like that?"
"Yes."
"Matt, I am a sadist. I never enjoyed the pain inflicted on me. Yes, I love to struggle and fight for dominance with my subs, but there is a line. Things I don't enjoy. You just crossed an important line we both agreed on. Not only you broke the duration of our agreement, but you also broke my trust in the play with you. Trust is something you build, it's earned, and when I cannot trust you, I will not even consider having anything with you."
I realized he was right. I could not even tell him why I hit him. The whole situation was beyond me. I looked into his eyes. He was disappointed in me, angry, sure, but he was hurt.
"I am sorry."
He looked torn somehow; his sad, caring eyes traveled on my face as if he realized this was a mistake.
"Matt, you don't even know what you want. You are not a masochist; you love inflicting pain. I am not the right partner for you."
"You loved it when I dominated you back then." I looked at him accusingly. He can tell me whatever he wants, but I saw it when I fucked him. I fucking raped him that Sunday, and he came hard!
"I must admit I did. I don't know why. With any other sub, they would pay greatly for what you did to me. Yet I couldn't get enough."
"I am not a sub, Thomas."
"That is even more reason why I don't think this could work. I don't want to be with another sadist. I want a masochist who loves to struggle and surrender. I want to hunt and rape my victim. But I know the difference between right and wrong and the ethical and moral consequences if I would do that to the wrong person. I want a masochistic sub. You are not one, Matt. And no matter how much you may think you want this, you will never be one."
"No, I will not. I will fight you to the very end, and if I win, I will enjoy you squirming beneath me in agony as you would cum. You may say you don't want that. But I think part of you needs it, just like I need to be dominated by a guy, even though I am not gay."
He was looking at me strangely. Silent.
"What do you think you want, Matt?"
"This! I need this!"
"Okay. I will fuck you today, Matt. But you will not enjoy it. After that, I will take time off work. I need space from you to think about this."
"Can I still come over?"
"No."
"Why?"
Thomas stood up, frustrated. He looked at me as if he couldn't believe this was happening. He started pacing around the living room. I watched him in awe as he repeatedly tightened his fists and flexed his ripped chest and arms. I was speechless. The sheer dominant masculinity oozing from him was so captivating that I couldn't stop looking at him. Thomas then stopped and turned to me.
"Here is an offer, Matt. I will fuck you today. But I will punish you for the lines you crossed, and I will fuck out of you the name of that dick you've been with. If you ever use the safe word, I will stop, but then you will leave and never come back."
I nodded, I wanted to say that there was no way for me to say the safeword, but he raised his hand, stopping me.
"I will work from home until the end of January after that. If you once knock on those doors, I will end our professional relationship and our personal relationship as well. We will meet in February. Only then will we discuss what will be next."
I frowned. I didn't like the idea of not seeing him for so long. He still seemed not to be finished, so I just waited, listening.
"You will not be permitted to cum that whole time. Make your peace with that and deal with Natasha however you want. But I will check it, and trust me, I had enough subs do this punishment for me to know."
My eyebrows shot up, and my mouth was agape. Is he seriously meaning that? There is no way I could do that!
"If you break any part of this agreement, I will terminate all contact with you."
What the actual fuck?!
"What if I don't agree?"
"Then we can discuss whether we will be able to work together as I guarantee you that we will never again have anything more than a strictly professional relationship. And if you harass me at work, I will leave."
"Then, there is no valid option for me in what you just said!"
"Deal with it."
"You want to punish me, then not let me cum for nearly two months, and only after that will you decide if you will be sleeping with me?"
"Yes."
"I don't like that."
"Then leave now. That choice is still open. But you want me to cross too many lines. Ones I've been building my whole life. I need space to consider whether I want to be invested in something like that."
"New Year's."
"I have my plans for New year's."
"The whole day?"
"You want to meet for one hour after you didn't cum for three weeks?"
"Fuck, ok then, January."
"No. I need you to understand what you want."
"What am I supposed to say to Natasha? We have sex usually four times a week."
"That's your problem. You should be thankful I am even considering this, with her still in the picture."
"We never said we were exclusive."
"That's because we said we have an expiration date. You chose to come back here."
"So, you want to tell me you have only one sub at the time? Or only they need to stay faithful?"
"My subs were always my partners. I am not possessive, but if I get invested in someone, I demand the same investment from my partner. I never had a sub I didn't love eventually and was not sorry to see go."
"So, you never had a one-night stand? You told me you used to throw out people bigger than me or something like that."
"Not since college. I had a few interests that didn't work out, but I don't go into a relationship with the notion that it was just for sex. And I did throw out many times guys your size or bigger. Mostly my partners."
"So, you like me? You told me you wanted to bend me over the desk, and you would have if I were gay."
"Yes, I do. But I like myself more. And I can see that you are a self-centered, troubled, closet case with anger issues, and no matter how hot you may be, I should never be invested in someone like that."
"Yet you can't seem to help it."
"I didn't yet feel the need to do so. But trust me, once I decide to end this, you will not be able to force your way into my life."
"I am not aspiring to be your boyfriend."
"I know that very well. At this point I wouldn't let you, even if you'd think you do. That's one of the reasons for this time apart. I must decide whether I can have a strictly sexual relationship with someone who doesn't even consider himself being gay."
"Fine, but why do I need to restrain myself from cuming?"
"Cos if I am going to have this with you, I will need to own you. And I need you to be aware of that, come to terms with it, and decide if that's really what you want."
"Will I be able to sleep with Natasha after that? If she even stays with me after that." Fuck, with her knowing my sex drive, she will definitely think I am cheating on her.
"I will think about that as well. Do you plan to marry her?"
"We already have a date. You know that."
"Do you love her?"
"No."
"Yet you want to stay with her."
"Look, man, I am nowhere closer to deciding than I was Saturday."
"Right," he nodded more for himself than for me.
Do I seriously want something like this? Not being able to cum for two months? Is that even possible? I already knew I needed this, but how badly?
Fuck it. I got through worse. I want to see what it could be like.
"Okay, I agree." I sighed
Thomas came closer, pulling on the belt and tilting my head back to look at him.
"Good boy." He bent and gave me a long, heartfelt kiss that made me tingle and purr.
"Come."
I stood up and went after him to the bedroom.
"Stay."
He went to his bathroom and returned holding something I had no idea what could be. He put it on a small table, plugged it in a nearby socket, and returned to me.
"Since you came willingly, I will give you a choice. Red or black?"
"Black."
"Lay down."
He pulled out the black ropes and started to tie me to the bed poles while I lay spread eagle on his bed.
"Did you clean yourself?"
I turned away, embarrassed. "Yes."
"You had this planned?"
"Not really, but I wanted to try it."
"Right. How did you meet him?"
"I am not telling you anything."
"Are you sure?"
"You insisted on fucking it out of me, not me telling you."
"Smart, yet stupid of you, Matt."
"Did you think I would never sleep with anyone else?
"No. I just wouldn't think you would taunt me with that. Or that I would care so much."
"Is it my fault that you care?"
"No. It's your fault you are using that intentionally against me."
"Is there any other piece of his clothing on you?" he didn't look at me, just concentrated on tying my wrist. I loved watching him do that. That slow, methodical way he handled the ropes was fascinating to me.
"No."
"Good."
"But I should probably return it eventually." I tried to shake him up a bit.
"So, you plan on meeting him again?"
"Yes." I suppose it was not wise to say it in such an assured tone.
"When?"
"Probably tonight."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Well, I can spend the night here if you want. I would definitely choose to stay here rather than at his place."
I just wanted to make him let me sleep here, next to him. Have sex with him a couple of times before he needs to leave for work. I hoped he would get jealous and decide to keep me here. But as he stopped and then tied the knot harshly, I could see it was a wrong move.
Thomas looked at me intently. "You spent the night at his place?"
Fuck me... it was a wrong move. His eyes were nearly black. The vein on his neck was bulging angrily. There was no smirk, no grin, just pure determined menace in that cold stare. I chose silence now, but it was speaking volumes. I could tell him I was staying with my best friend, but then I would lose the chance to have him sincerely punish me. I was torn between my desire to find out what it would be like and my fear that I might have him so mad I would regret it.
"Did you come from his place to meet me?"
Fuck me twice... I am doomed. I just stared at him. I was partly scared now, but I felt my dick leak, so it shouldn't be so bad, right?
"Is there any other important information you would like to share?"
"No, not really."
"Right..."
He put my legs together and tied them like that. How is he going to fuck me like this? He pulled on them, and my whole body stretched.
He went to that thing and played with it for a while. I was curious about what that was, but his back was turned to me, and he blocked my view. I could smell some weird floral scent, and as if something was burning. Thomas brought it with that table to the bed and plugged it behind the nightstand.
"What is that?"
"Wax."
"What for?"
"Your chest hair."
"You fucking joking!"
"No." he calmly steered it with some stick.
"You know your safe word Matt, and you know where the door is. And I suggest you answer my questions by the time I finish with that beautiful fur, cos then your legs are next, then arms, and if you are brave the whole time, we will be able to go over your whole body. I suggest you think twice before I put the wax on your pits because, my boy, that hurts more than your sweet asshole," he fucking winked at me then!
"No, no, stop! I will not be able to explain that to Natasha! No!"
"I will stop only at the safe word, and if you are not going to use that, the chest is going either way. You can only save the rest of your body if you answer each of my questions, and I have a lot."
He kept looking at me with such a devious and sadistic smile that I couldn't keep my eyes off him, fuck! How twisted am I? My dick was so hard I thought I would cum just watching him like that. Yet I looked at that thing, and I felt scared!
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I. Dusk