When I was 15 I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. I knew that I wanted to be a performer, I had talent, yet coming from a poor family, It was security my mother wanted for me. She had forbidden pursuing studies in the arts. In my heart the only thing that weighed heavier than that desire was the thought that I might be "God forbid" a deviant. I liked cock. I was broken to it at an early age. I don't remember my first cock, but I can recall being in kindergarten and putting my cock in a buddy's ass. I also remember that was not my first time. Being from "redneck central," more popularly known as Oklahoma, I knew that to be queer was just a shade worse that being a demon possessed serial killer.
At 15, I had spent at least 10 years secretly sucking the dicks of the school boys that openly shunned and laughed at me for my soft nature. This all culminated my freshman year of high school after being beaten into sucking the cocks of the captain of the football team, and two of his buddies, I was again beaten for sucking them. The rumors around the school were flying and my stepfather, a teacher there, simply admonished me for embarrassing his position by not beating whomever it was back regardless of who or why it was done. I tried for the first time to commit suicide. I took pills that time. Thought I would simply wake up in the fiery lakes of Hell and have it over with. Certainly it would be physically worse than life, but there they would all know what I was and accept or reject me based on truth, rather than some self conceived sense of righteousness.
Instead I woke up with a headache that threatened to blow my eyes out of their sockets at the first person who put sound waves in my ears. It was 48 hours later and my stepfather had not even noticed that I hadn't been out of my room for 2 days. My mother was working her 2 jobs and had no idea that I was even there, let alone gone. It was the low point in my life to that moment. On top of all that, I had been fired for missing delivery of my paper route. I was sitting alone in my house contemplating a 2nd attempt, how to make it foolproof yet painless as possible, when I heard a knock at the door.
There was a tall skinny kid with shoulder length sandy blond hair, and piercing green eyes staring back "fish eyed" in my peep hole. He looked to be about 18 and I thought perhaps he was another in the long string of young men that came to see my sister. I opened the door.
"She ain't here" I said and closed the door.
I heard the kid laughing from the other side of the door. Again he knocked. I felt a little foolish, and a little pissed that he didn't get the message. With a deep breath, I once again opened the door.
"Look, she ain't here, I don't know when she'll be back, and furthermore I don't give a flying fuck if she does come back. If you're here to sell something, we're broke. And if you are here to save my soul, It's a lost cause. Did I leave anything out?" I paused, furious at his amused expression. "Well?"
"I came to pick up your newspaper bag and collection book. I'm covering the route while they find someone to take it over. Name's Luke. And as for your sister she's cute, but not my type. You're on your own about your soul." He said.
The expression in his eyes was somewhere between amused and devilish, giving him the look of someone that in other circumstances might have been sexy. His body was too skinny though. He stood about 6'3" and may have been 150 pounds soaking wet. He just stood there looking at me as if I had three heads, It was then that I realized that regardless of the number I may have possessed, there were at least two that he could see. I was stark naked. I had removed my clothes two days ago and masturbated just before I took the pills. After all, if a fella was gonna die, he should do it feeling good.
"Just a sec," I told him, "Wanna come in while I find the bag?"
The Oklahoma sun had beaten the air until the great outdoors closely resembled an oven, he came in tentatively and stood inside the door while I went upstairs. I pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of cut-offs before I came downstairs with the bag. He was still standing in the same spot that I had left him.
"You know Jimmy (my now ex-boss) was really pissed when you pulled a no show. Said he didn't think you were the type to just blow off the job." He said distractedly.
"Shit happens. He was pretty pissed huh? Guess there won't be any fixing this."
"If you didn't want to quit, why did you pull a no show?"
"Not a lot of choice." I answered curtly. I noticed the route list in his hands, It looked to be an outdated one, rather than the ones that I had been submitting for 8 months. "Let me see that" I asked him. He handed it over. Sure enough it was the list they had given me when I took over the route. It was out dated then, now it wasn't even close. "you won't get very far with that," I told him. The geriatrics will be on the phone with the office before you even get the route done.
"Do you have a current list" he asked.
"Not here. They shouldn't blow off the ones I give them."
"Aw fuck. That doesn't help me out a hell of a lot. Tell you what, I'll give you 20 bucks to teach me the route, you know ride with me and show me. One time, 20 bucks. What do you say?"
I considered throwing him out and letting the distribution office get flooded with calls. Would serve them right for not even calling to see if I was still breathing before firing me. But one of my biggest problems was that I was too nice. I wouldn't just tell someone to kiss my ass and stick to my guns. I would always relent, thus my 'wimpy' reputation. All things considered, I no longer had a job, and I needed the money. I went.
Luke's car was an old beat up '67 Impala. It resembled the remnants of a demolition derby. I think in hindsight, because the car was not ostentatious, and it was just cool that he had a car I was still impressed. We talked while I told him which houses got the paper. He was easy to talk to. I don't know why, but with him being a stranger whose opinions I didn't care for, and the thought that I would in all probability never see him again, allowed me to tell him things that I would have never told anyone else. I carefully skirted the fact that I was gay, but told him about the feeling of being a non-person and that I hadn't shown up because I had taken a handful of pills. He listened and never pushed the issues, nor did he seem judgmental in his responses. He just seemed to understand that sometimes things just got to be too much. When we finished the route he pulled into a drive-in restaurant and ordered us a couple of cokes. We sat in silence and just swam in our own seas of thought. Finally he spoke.
"You know, If you don't mind my opinion, It sounds like you just need someone to talk to." He said quietly. "I get in some pretty dark moods, and it helps." After a long pause he said as if none of this had occurred, "I'm going to the Red Apple, they got an arcade in the back. You're welcome if you want to go."
I liked the way he didn't push me away from him, yet didn't want to 'save' me either. We went to the arcade. I took out a lot of aggression on the video games and before I knew what was happening, we were laughing and talking about a whirlwind of subjects from school, to my slutty sister (who was dating his 'arch enemy' I found out), to just about everything. It was strange, I was not really attracted to him, yet I liked him very much. It was my first real friend. We stayed out until 9:00 that night just hanging out and goofing off. When he took me home, the last thing on my mind was taking another handful of pills.
We became friends. He would come over and hang out with me just to hang out. He said I made him laugh because I was always so serious about things. I figured he must have heard the rumors about me and I was just waiting for him to drop his pants and demand a head job. It was however going to have to be his idea, I had decided. I was grateful for the attentions of this "older man" that had become my friend, yet I asked myself each time that he left my house if this would be the last time that I saw him. One day he picked me up from school. I didn't know it at the time, but he had heard the jocks talking about going out and 'kickin a little ass,' when my name came up as someone it was always fun to hurt. Luke cut his last class to get over to the Mid-High school and get me out of there. He told me that he just missed me. He was in his senior year and would be joining the Navy at the end of the semester. Inside I dreaded the time that he would leave me. I had never know a man that wanted only to be my friend and yet treated me kindly and with love.
One night we went out to the lake to talk and watch the water. We sat in "bluebarely," the name we had given his car, and we talked about his impending career. He had decided to join the Navy to find his natural father. The only things he knew about the man were his name and that he had been an officer on a carrier. The sadness in his voice as he talked of his father was adding to the heavy feeling in my heart over his leaving. When we were about as down as we would allow ourselves to go, he said that he had enough of this and we were going swimming. I protested that we had no suits and the beach was closed, but he wouldn't hear any of it. He stripped off and ran for the water. I saw his cock for just a second as he dropped his clothes on the hood of the car. I stood there shocked for a moment and just watched his naked butt as he splashed around in the water. Reluctantly I joined him, I however kept on my underwear as a last vestige of modesty.
We were splashing around and having such a good time that we didn't even notice the park ranger as he parked next to the car and walked down the beach. As his spotlight hit us we for the first time noticed that we were not alone. I for the first time noticed that Luke's cock was hard.
"Come on out of there boys" the ranger ordered. We froze. "I said come out NOW!" the man barked. "I know better than to ask if you have any Id on you now, do you have any in the car?"
We both headed toward him. Me trying to hide my semi erect cock, and Luke, his cock swinging free as a breeze and pointing at the man's chest. I had never really allowed myself to think much about Luke's cock. It was nice, about 8 and a half inches and a nice thick shaft. The head of his cock looked like the cone of a missile. His balls, were large and remarkably furry. It was a nice picture. I couldn't believe that a guy that skinny had such a huge cock. I guess the ranger noticed me noticing his dick.
"So you two boys out for a little play time. You know this area is closed." He growled. His light shone into my eyes and down my body then over to Luke's in the same pattern. "You faggots never learn do you. You can't do that sort of thing out in the open here. I don't care what you do at home, it's not my business, but don't bring that shit to my door."
Luke looked a bit perplexed, it was as if he didn't understand. I, on the other hand, knew what the man was getting at. It was amazing, at this moment I wanted nothing more than to do what we were accused of, yet I hadn't gotten the chance to even do it! And it had not really crossed my mind until we were standing there accused! Slowly a picture formed in Luke's mind, he busted out laughing; not a good idea. The ranger at first was taken aback at this reaction, but then he became angry at Luke's impudence.
"What the fuck is so funny boy!" Luke just laughed, doubled up and fell to the ground. "Get up! Now!" the man barked. Luke tried to control his fit of laughing and between gasps sputtered. "We aren't queer, we was just trying to cool off."
The man grabbed him by his arm and pulled him upright. "So you don't go for that homo stuff, huh, Then why is your wanker puffed up and your little buddy unable take his eyes off of it." Luke looked at me. I could see the anger in his eyes welling up and threatening to boil over. I had never seen him like this. "If I was queer, fucker, it ain't your business. We were only swimming and if you want to take us in for that then fine. If not then we'll leave, either way keep your fuckin redneck hole shut."
The ranger moved quickly, in what was a blur he clubbed Luke in the mouth with his flashlight. Luke lay on the ground with blood coming out of his lip. A shocked look on his face. I was frozen in shock. The ranger grabbed me by the hair at the back of my head. "Buddy says you ain't no queer. Get down there and show him that he's wrong." With that he kicked my feet out from under me and I fell on Luke's body with my head at his crotch.
"Suck him, boy"
I looked into Luke's dazed eyes. There were tears welling up in them. I looked at the ranger.
"Suck his cock," I said.
I looked down at Luke's dick. It had lost little of its rigidity. Again I looked into his eyes. There was not anger anymore, just a touch of sadness as he knew that I was going to suck his dick and had no choice. There was also something else. Lust, I could see that he wanted me to do it more than just about anything else. I opened my mouth and licked the tip of his cock. His breath caught. I looked at him again.
"Suck it faggot" The ranger said in a low growl.
I took the head into my mouth. The ranger simply disappeared. The lake simply disappeared. The world too was gone and in it's place was only this man, his cock and me. I slid my lips around the head and went halfway down to the root of his dick. He moaned. I came up and down slowly a couple of times and then sank his meat in my throat. I felt his big nuts on my chin as I ground my nose into the coarse damp hair that surrounded his cock. In and out. In and out. I sucked his cock like a hungry calf tasting his first sip of mother's milk.
I looked up at one point and Luke's eyes were closed. Looking over at the ranger I saw that he was rubbing a huge bulge that ran down the length of his thigh. He had a glazed look about him as his other hand reached up and squeezed his nipple. Luke moaned and I looked back to him. There were tears running out of his eyes with a look that said "I'm so sorry" yet his body urged me to keep sucking his cock. He grabbed, almost involuntarily, the back of my head and started fucking my face.
The ranger again grabbed the back of my hair and lifted my off of Luke's dick. He ground my face into his own crotch. I rubbed my teeth against the hard dick beneath the uniform. He opened his zipper and undid his belt. I reached in and pulled out a rock hard dick that was not as large as the one I was just sucking. His pubic hair was incredibly thick and tufts of it ran almost up the dark shaft. For the first time I looked at the face of the ranger. He was beautiful. He had a dark Italian swarthiness, black hair and dark brown eyes that looked at you to the bottom of your soul. I cupped his man sized balls in my hand and took his dick to the root. He groaned and dropped his flashlight. He grabbed the back of my head and ground his crotch into my nose.
I heard Luke get up and felt the ranger pull him next to us. Luke's cock slid against my ear. I looked up and saw Luke and the ranger kissing passionately. I sucked the ranger's cock like a vacuum cleaner, sliding up and down and increasing the suction with each plunge. He pulled me off of his cock and pushed me into Luke's ball sack. I sucked one of the furry things into my mouth.
The ranger knelt down behind me and ripped off my underwear. I continued sucking Luke and felt the ranger's hot breath on my ass. I had never been rimmed before, It felt like someone had hooked up a 220 volt electrical current to my ass as his tongue began licking my asshole. I wrapped my arms around Luke's lithe body and grabbed his small hard ass. He was furiously fucking my face. His fingers tangled in the hair at the sides of my head. I felt the ranger slide a finger into my ass. I had been fucked before, but it was not one of my favorite things. The boys that had been back there had barely taken time to spit on their dicks before shoving them into my ass. I marveled at how wonderful it felt having this man's fingers sliding in and out of my fuck hole. He reached around and grabbed my cock. I almost came right there. He pulled my ass back and I felt his hot rod against my crack. Luke started to protest, but I squeezed his ass and he stopped short.
The ranger slowly entered my chute. I tensed and he whispered "It's all right pussy boy, I ain't gonna hurt ya." with that he grabbed my shoulders and slid his cock deep into my ass. I groaned in ecstasy. I guess that Luke thought it was in pain. He mouthed the words "I'm so sorry" to me. I just went back to sucking his cock. He slowly got into it, as the ranger humped my ass like a madman. His hands gripped my shoulders with increasing pressure, I knew that he was going to cum. He slammed his rod into me with a thundering powerful pace. I in turn sucked the cock in my mouth with increasing intensity.
Suddenly Luke began squeezing my head as if he wanted to crush it. I felt his body tense. His cock started spewing cum into my mouth. I relished the sweet taste of it as he shot stream after stream into my hungry mouth. His hands were twisting my head and his cock slipped out of my mouth for a second. A blob of cum shot over my shoulder onto my back. The ranger moaned loudly and buried his dick deep into my bowels. I felt his cock tense and the flood of cum washing the inner walls of my rectum. My own cock had already shot once, gotten hard and was blowing cum again. Luke laid back on the rocky ground. I collapsed against him.
The ranger removed his cock from my ass, wiped it with the remnants of my shredded shorts and pulled up his pants. "Not queer huh?" he laughed. "If I catch you two back here again, You can expect more of the same." He walked back to his truck. Some threat!!
I lay quietly on Luke for a few minutes and I noticed that he was again breathing heavily. I looked at his face and there were tears running down his cheeks.
"I am so sorry man, I never meant for you to get hurt." He sobbed. "There's nothing we can do about him. If we go to the police they wouldn't believe us."
"Luke, It's okay" I said softly
"No, and I am so sorry that he made you do that to me. I wanted you to, Ya know, I guess deep down I must have wanted you to do it."
"Luke, It's okay, really" I said. "I wanted to do it. More than anything else in the world I wanted to. I guess I just thought that you would hate me if you knew."
"Hate you? I love you. Don't you understand that? I love you."
We lay like that for what seemed like an eternity. Then we heard a car coming up the road. We hurried into the trees where we could not be seen. It was the ranger again. He just drove by the car and turned around and sped off. We quickly dressed and left the park.
Luke and I became lovers for the rest of the school year. I cried when he graduated, because I knew that he would be gone soon. We had gone back to the park a couple of times to look for the ranger, but we never saw him again. We lost touch shortly after Luke left the Navy. I have grown up and moved on. I work as a singer in a nightclub now, I learned from him not only the art of loving another man, I learned the art of loving myself. I guess I somehow he'd saved my soul after all.