My Life as a Cocksucker Part 5 by Steven889
This is my Thanksgiving and Christmas Gift to my Fans and fellow Cocksuckers
I've spoken with other cocksuckers, and there is no consensus about when you first realize that sucking cock starts to control your life. It took me several years of on and off again behavior to understand that about myself. Like binge drinking or someone addicted to drugs, once I started up sucking, it became harder each time to stop and reverse myself. I tried harder each time to establish myself as a hetro male, even alpha with my wife, but alas, the submissive part of me would take over, and I'd return, back on my knees, mouthing another cock to its base, and swallowing yet another large load of cum, now my lifeblood and reason to live.
As I was now a fully fledged member and submissive servant of the "Condiment Club", it was expected of me to prioritize my life, time and commitment to sucking and making sure that all four members had access to my throat, and now ass-pussy whenever they desired. I reasoned that the sperm they produced each day was earmarked exclusively for my mouth and throat.
Understanding their prowess, and the ability of a healthy alpha male's testicles to produce millions of sperm each and every day, I knew I had my work cut out for me.
On the Monday after the trip, I returned to work, remembering Dave's instructions to check my messages every hour, as I was certain to be getting requests for daily service. Luckily my job does not require myself going into an office as I have an Iphone and a computer; I have an open schedule that permits me to work around their schedules. I got my first request at 10 am from Ed. It was short, FF and an address. I texted back "YES". I finished up my first appointment, and drove the short distance to meet Ed.
FF meant, face fuck, and I got hard thinking Ed with his gorgeous 8+ cock was going to be dumping an early morning load down my throat. I showed up a few minutes before 10, and Ed led me into his garage.
' Good news, and bad news cocksucker, I've been laid off, that's the bad news, the good news is that I'll have plenty of time between searching for a new job to empty my nuts down your throat"
He pushed on my shoulder and I fell to my knees on the hard cement floor, and began to unzip his pants. I felt sorry for him, but wanted him to know, that not all was lost. At least he had his cocksucker who would always be there to keep his balls empty. Hopefully having someone lowly like me to suck his balls dry should keep his spirits up as he looks for a new position.
True to his word, Ed vigorously face fucked me from the first stroke. I took the assault knowing he was taking out his frustration and disappointment on my mouth and throat. He drove his cock deep as he unloaded, holding me tight to his crotch until I had swallowed every drop of yummy cum. I nearly passed out, and my knees were sore, before he roughly pulled out, pushing me down and away as I gasped for air.
"I feel a little better now cocksucker" he said as he again approached me from above. "Lick the drool from my balls before I go back inside"
Ed teabagged me from his superior position, and I did my best to lick and suck each nut clean and mostly dry before he pulled his pants back up.
"Thank you for using me to empty your cock and balls"
"That's what your there for. You know the way out cocksucker" he replied laughing as he went back into his house. Leaving me alone with the taste of his crotch in my mouth, sprawled used and abused on his filthy garage floor. I gathered myself and walked outside where it had started to rain.
This is how most of my days went, work and servitude. I got on the average 2 to 3 texts a day demanding sucking or fucking or both. It was becoming hard to finish my work, and my wife noticed I was returning home later each day for dinner.
Responsibilities of a Cocksucker
I could build a point by point list to identify what makes and keeps Dave as my oral owner and feeder, it's best If I just speak from the heart.
The first is has always will be a positive attitude about being a cocksucker. I've accepted that others look upon me negatively. I've been called every derogatory name you can imagine, and with disdainful looks, especially after smacking my lips, moaning, and looking grateful just after swallowing a warm load of cum. I've mentioned before that I believe my overall mental makeup separates me from other cocksuckers. It's a competition really, as there are a lot of cocksuckers where I live. I wrote to fellow cocksucker recently to explain my feeling.
In sucking cock, it seemed that most non gay feeders I met had a difficult time understanding the psychology of why we suck, and what motivates us to seek the creamy goodness that controls our life's. My hope is that I can convey that thought to them so more will come forward and feel comfortable in using our mouths and not their own hands to release the precious contents of their bloated balls.
It's a calling really, one where nature plays a course. Why would a seemingly straight guy like myself commit so much time, energy, and desire to empty someone's nuts daily, and consider it such an important part of my life. Dave was right, it really is the most important thing I do each day, and I should take pride in that fact.
Secondly is just the act itself, and I mean being on my knees, learning the many ways to remove a guys cock and balls for service. Through many hours of training, Dave and his friends have made sure that there are few limitations on how I take cock.
Recently I've been introduced to being on my back with my head over the edge of a bed, and having repeated deep face fucking. I've been able to refine my deep throat and seal suck this way. I love to grasp the naked ass of Dave and his friends, as I let their balls rest on the bridge of my nose as their cockheads drive and then release their hot, sticky, think loads directly on my esophagus.
I cannot taste the load this way, but men have needs, and if they desire to drive deep and unload, who am I but a receptacle for their lust.
I especially now feel it's my responsibility to slowly milk the shaft completely for a couple of minutes with my throat and mouth before they remove their spent cocks from my mouth. It give me a special connection to their cock and cum, and allows my true submissive nature to blossom and be fulfilled.
Also it's been drilled into me since my return from the weekend, that I am to be available often and on demand to help relieve their bloated balls of the bothersome loads their bodies produce. It's a vicious cycle really, as the more I suck, the more cum seems to be produced by these alpha men. They have told me on several occasions that is my fault they have to be sucked off so often, as my sucking mouth and throat, and their pity on feeding my cum addiction, make them seek me out more often so often Not a day goes by now where I don't get at least 3 or 4 text messages saying things like " be here in 30 minutes faggot", or "I've got a lunch meeting and need my balls drained before I leave" I try and accommodate them best I can, as my longing for cum and my desire to satisfy my submissive drive overwhelms anything else I am doing. .
At least once a month I am presented with a list from all the guys detailing my failings. It usually is a short list of times when my job or other commitments keep me from sucking at a requested time, or allowing a drop of cum to escape my lips while being deep face fucked. Usually I am soundly whipped with a doubled belt while tied to a table. Sometimes I get butt fucked while being whipped. And yes I yell out with pain, at least until I'm gagged. But the discipline does keep me mentally in my place as a cocksucker. I usually can't sit down the next day, but knowing I will get to swallow 5-6 loads of cum after a sound whipping is comforting. It takes a couple of days to recover from having a swollen back, ass and thighs.
I am usually kept tied up while being thoroughly assaulted from both ends. Dave requires during these sessions that I eat every load so as not to waste a drop. Many times I have felt a cock withdraw from my ass-pussy and shoved deep to unload in my throat.
I got a call from Dave Sunday night at around 9.
I answered and he said " cocksucker be here at 8:30 tomorrow morning and expect to be here all day, call in sick if you have to, no fucking excuses. It's a holiday for me, and I have some work for you to do"
"Yes sir" I replied, knowing better than to disagree with him.
The Next Morning "How many times have you sucked me off in one day cocksucker?"
I had to think. I had sucked him off frequently, so one suck kind of blurred into another. The only times I truly remembered each suck was when he stopped to compliment me, which wasn't often, But back on track here, "I think I sucked you off three times once when my wife went to visit her mother a few months ago"
"Yeah I think I remembered that, you had to rim me good for that last nut" Dave replied "Well, I tool some Cialias yesterday, and have been saving it up since Friday, so I want to try for four or more today. Did you call in sick?"
"Yes, and told the wife I was going overnight for a meeting, so We have the time. Do you want to start now?"
I tried to appear eager as that is how a cocksucker with this type of opportunity should act.
"Get into sucking position now cocksucker"
I feel to my knees as Dave sat into his easy chair. I won't go into all the details of the 30 plus minutes I spent licking his balls, or swallowing his cock and cum, but I knew when we were finished, that I was expected to hang around, do whatever menial chore he needed done, and suck or fuck when he snapped his fingers.
By that evening, I had succeeded in sucking down 5 loads from his wonderful cock. The last load had taken me over 45 hard minutes of ass and balls worship while he jacked off the small load. He collected the sperm in his left hand and fed it to me as I licked his palm clean. I had also swallowed two other large loads from Ed and Steve, members of the condiment club during the early afternoon. I was allowed to jack off after Dave's 5th nut. He humiliated me while I beat my meat, calling me a committed cum sucker, lowly cocksucker, and other names meant to keep me where I needed to be mentally. I came hard into my cupped left hand, and after asking permission, was allowed to lick up my own sperm. I was told to swish it around in my mouth before swallowing, which I did for several moments. I again thanked Dave for giving me his five loads, and the pleasure of being his and his friends' cocksucker. I returned to my chores, and later that night he made me take his left balls into my mouth and suckle it the best I could while he fell asleep. It was a wonderful feeling to have a really spent testicle in my mouth while I dozed. The scent of his crotch, and knowledge that his balls felt so empty due to my diligent oral efforts game me a delightful feeling while I sought some well needed rest.
No matter how much I testify of my love for sucking cock, I still get conflicting emotions about having my head in someone's crotch. I mean that's just not a normal thing for a guy to do. My face has no business being held between some guys thighs. I have a natural right not to have a set of balls in my mouth, or a cockhead pressing against my throat. And the cum, well it just isn't something I should be swallowing, or even tasting daily.
Sometimes the weight of being used this way is hard to live with. The worst is when I am finished, and go home to relax with my wife; I can still smell the musk of someone's balls inside my nose. I get up to wash my face, but the smell stays there for hours. On the few times I had been forced to suck and swallow more than one load, the guys would not let me wash my mouth out. I sometimes belch, and the taste of their semen again tastes strong in my mouth. The reason not to rinse is to let the taste linger, so that it stays with me, even after I am done being used. I must have some kind of "post traumatic sucking disorder". I don't exactly get anxiety or sleeplessness, on the contrary, I feel more relaxed and have intense dreams; but the continued thoughts of the moment of ejaculation, the force and heat of their loads, and the smell of someone's balls, keeps me from performing as a man with my wife on occasion. I wonder if this is reason enough to see my doctor or a therapist? I keep having this recurring thought of a time when I was sucking intently from the side, and not knowing how close the guy was to Cuming, he lightly pressed down on the back of my head. I thought at the time he just wanted some deep throat, but when I went deep, he let loose. He didn't make any sound, or alert me of his pending orgasm. He was just cumming, like it was a natural thing like pissing, or breathing. I was just there to take it, period. No man need let me know when he will ejaculate. I don't deserve to get that much respect. The moment changed my life forever. It reaffirmed to me that I was just a cocksucker, and probably the cocksucker of every male on the face of the earth. No need to alert me or respect my limits.
I was there to suck and swallow the liquid stored and released from a full set of balls. It was a pivotal moment, and one that I replay over and over again several times each day.
My Therapy Session:
I had read recently about how a session or sessions with a qualified psychologist or clinical therapist was helping returning veterans with their post traumatic systems from combat. I wanted to know if the same could help me with my post traumatic sucking disorder. I told Dave about my conflicting emotions about being a cocksucker, and the guilt associated with being a lowly cumsucker for a group of alpha males. He agreed that it was important to "get my mental house in order" his words and recommended a counselor to me. His name was Benjamin Davey. I called up Dr Davey and made an appointment. When asked specifically what I needed to speak about, I told them it was sex related and gave them my referral. The appointment was in a few days, and I was asked to continue whatever medication I was presently using.
When I met the doctor he asked me a few questions about any medicine I was taking. I was reluctant to mention the only medication I was using was repeated and daily doses of male sperm. He looked up and smiled and began to take notes. I asked that he keep this private as I was a married man.
"Don't worry my boy, anything we say together is strictly confidential. Now tell me why you are here today"
"Well Doc, I used to consider myself a strictly heterosexual male and a married one at that"
I paused not in a hurry to continue explaining myself.
"Go on"
I-i-I'm I think I'm a latent homosexual. You see I've allowed myself to become used orally and other ways by one guy and now several on a daily basis, and I just don't know what to do. I have so many guilty feelings after I service someone and even while I am....."
"I need you to be specific about what acts you are speaking of" the doc replied
Taking a deep breath "I'm a cocksucker, yes that's it, and evidently a good one, because they all want me to suck them off several times a week. I can't even remember a day in the last month where I didn't have at least one cock cum in my mouth. OH that's another thing doc, I've found I have an addiction to tasting and swallowing men's semen. I just don't know what to do"
The Doc took some notes and looked up asking, "What are you feeling while performing fellatio with men"
"Mostly happy doc, I love the submissive feelings.
Strange, but I usually close my eye and kind of meditate. Overall it gives me a peaceful feeling even if I do get sexually excited or hard. The guilty and low feelings come to me after I'm finished, I mean when the guy ejaculates down my throat and I've swallowed all they have shot off. I get major feeling of guilt and some anxiety much later, usually when I'm with my wife, or actually whenever I'm not sucking. Why am I feeling this way?
"Well that is what we are going to try and find out.
It's good you have "come out" to me, as your oral obsession is probably weighing on you. This guilt you are feeling is the inability to discuss your new lifestyle with anyone other than the men who use you"
He was starting to make sense. I really had never discussed this with anyone impartial to my plight
"What should I do doc? Should I stop sucking?"
"No, I don't believe that is an option at this point.
Your obviously dealing with an addiction, and the withdraws could be severe mentally and in your case even physically. It's probably fine for you to continue as it brings you happiness along with your feeling of inadequacy and guilt. I think we can cure the guilty feelings over time, but it may take some special commitments on your part"
"What do you mean doc?" I replied
"I need to know the level of skill you've obtained orally, and see firsthand these feelings of guilt after you suck"
With that, the doc put down his notes, stood up and walked over to where I was sitting. He then began to unzip his pants and reached in and removed a fairly large semi-erect penis and told me get on my knees.
"Think of this a part of your therapy, I want to evaluate your skill and mental capacity to continue fellatio and to discuss your mental anguish you've described after you finished sucking someone off"
I fell to my knees and licked the shiny cockhead of my therapist.
I'd heard it was not a good idea to get involved physically with someone treating your affliction, but the sight of hard cock, and large one at that, was not something I could ignore, especially when ordered as part of my evaluation.
Not to belabor the point, but I ended up deep throating his 7 inch cock for over twenty minutes, eventually swallowing a rather large and tasty load of the doc's cum. I felt 6 contractions before, suckling his cock head for the remaining dregs of sperm. I spent several minutes as he held my head tightly to his crotch. Finally he withdrew with a popping sound as I still was administrating suction to clean the shaft completely.
"I can see why you are having suck perplexing emotions about being a fellatrix. You have obtained a high level of proficiency at extracting the cum from a man's balls"
"Thanks Doc, and thank you for allowing me to suck your cock"
"Not a problem. I will need you back for a follow up evaluation next week. I have some good news for you"
"You do" I was eager to hear any good news at this point.
"I want you to take some pride in what you've become. You are a skilled at cocksucker, if you will allow me to use using a non scientific term to describe your abilities."
"No that's fine Doc" I replied
"Your Cocksucking is now an important part of your life and mental makeup. You should embrace what you love in life, and at this point, sucking the cum from a man's balls should give you satisfaction and pride."
He went on to say,
"I'm surprised you didn't mention an obvious skill and love of sucking and licking balls. I've never had anyone administer such skill at testicle manipulation as what you just did to mine. And your cocksucking is of, not something that should be a very proficient level and should not be giving you feelings of guilt or anxiety. The real dilemma for you is keeping this all secret from your spouse.
You really haven't mentioned any particular problem with continuing your oral activities while married, but it is inevitable that she will either suspect something, as all women do in time, or you may internalize your feelings and love for cock and cum, and this with have an adverse effect on your health"
He went on "In my view you have a couple of choices, either tell her and be brutally honest of your activities, or get a divorce and continue to be an oral slave to some or all men. It would be a shame to suppress this skill level you've obtained since it brings you true happiness. And as I can attest first hand, you truly love to suck the sperm from a man's balls"
"Thank you Doc. It means a lot to hear this from a professional."
"I think it's good for you to hear, it will help yourself confidence, and lay a path for the tough decisions you have to make to continue being a happy individual. Now I want you to come back next week at the same time and let me know of what progress and problems you've encountered. If it makes you more comfortable, you can lay down on the couch at the next session.
Try and be properly douched next week, as I may need to evaluate your ability and feelings about being a sexual surrogate for men who want to use your anus for their relief"
"Yes, of course Doc" I then left, feeling much better than when I arrived, if only a little fuller in my throat and stomach.
I want you to write out the 10 best things you like about being a cocksucker. It will help in your therapy. We will discuss the list at your next session.
The ten best things about being a cocksucker
1 The cum, sperm, or nut. Is there any better reward for a job well done
2 Sucking the cock. Learning your way around each and every cock you suck.
3 The cock head. Always silky soft and warm to the touch. Licking the pee slit, feeling the ridge that leads to the shaft.
4 Swallowing the load. Large or small, the taste and feel of semen shooting on your tongue, or taking
A cock deep is the most incredible feeling and hard to duplicate in any other sex act.
5 Licking and sucking balls. Shaved are the best, but largeness and hanging give
you room to suck each one individually. Sucking a smaller nut sack completely
does give you a feeling of accomplishment. It's the moans generated from the
feeder, and the size of the loads from sucking that give this such pleasure
6 The comments and humiliation are great turn ons. Feeling like a lowly cocksucker is as exciting as the reward you get when you swallow.
7 The wonderful feeling of submission. There is nothing like being on your knees and taking cock. This is what "being in your place" really means.
8 Rimming a clean asshole. Makes the feeder feel like he owns you, and causes his prostate to give up large loads, not to mention the extreme feelings of submission you get with your tongue licking the anus. Almost like heaven.
9 Tasting the load, each is different, but we all have our favorites, I like the slightly sweet tasting load, and the more to taste the better.
10 Suckling the spent cock. This is a favorite place for any accomplished cocksucker. Allows for you to feel like a surrogate pussy, and you can pull the remaining drops from the shaft onto your tongue. This is a restful, peaceful time for both you and the feeder. You're still connected, and a few times it leads to the release of a precious second load.
Dave's Basement party
It's been decided that Thursday would be the day for the weekly "poker Party' in Dave's basement. What had also been decided, without my input of course, was that I was to be feminized, as the guys thought I still looked like a man, even though I was a committed cocksucker and lowlife.
"You need to shave your body hair and wear these color panties when you suck us from now on" I was told
I was concerned as how was I going to hide the removal of my body hair from my wife?
"Not our concern cocksucker, and that is what you are, remember"
"What is important for me and the others is that you physically look like a woman while taking cock. You don't deserve to take cock and keep your looks as a man, it's a contradiction and can no longer be tolerated, or do you need a few minutes with the belt to make you understand"
"I understand Sir"
"Good, I want you to go into the bathroom; I've left you a razor and some things to wear. You have one hour faggot"
I merely nodded, as it was already decided that this next step into being feminized was to be my fate. Luckily I was not a really hairy guy, and had been shaving my balls for several years. Hopefully my wife would not notice the missing hair under my arms and on my legs.
It took me all of an hour to remove all my body hair. It was especially hard to shave my asshole using a mirror to guide me, but I accomplished my task, and rubbed in lotion to make my skin smooth. The attire was another thing. Dave left me with a pink pair of sheer panties, a filled bra, and some roll up shear pink stockings. Having had almost no experience in wearing such feminized items, it was extremely humiliating to put them on and model them for Dave. I had around an hour before the guys arrived. I spent that time giving me an enema in case anyone wanted to drop their loads in my ass-pussy.
When I came out, I really looked like a women. My skin was smooth, I was wearing soft and lacey underwear, and I felt feminized. It did relieve any anxiety I had about servicing several guys again at once. I mean if I looked in the mirror like a slut, then it must be okay for me to act like one too.
Dave told me the guys were going to be playing cards, and each guy would take a 15 minute break and I was to get him off in the allotted time.
There was to be no excuses. If I failed to get and swallow a nut in the 15 minutes, I would be punished.
The guys arrived at 8 and I took Ed into the next room and started sucking him as soon as I could get his cock out. I sucked his balls too.
He got off deep in my throat in about 10 minutes. The next two guys got off in just under 15 minutes. Dave only took all of15 minutes as he wanted to be rimmed while he jacked. I swallowed a rather large load near the tip of my tongue, as he wanted me to show him the load before swallowing.
I began to think this isn't going to be too bad. We all took an hour to start up again. I spent that hour licking each guy's nuts under the table for 10 minutes each. I really liked this, as the guys were playing poker, and my licking caused more than one distraction to each hand. In the end, each guy followed me into the next room and I began to suck again in turn. They gave me 20 minutes each time as I was going for the second load.
It was trouble almost from the start, as Ed had trouble getting off. It took all my sucking ability to get him to shoot in the allotted time. I ran into trouble from there on as each guy, including Dave took almost a half an hour each to drop their precious loads down my throat.
Part 6 The punishments