Late in the heat of the August afternoon, I bathe in cool water. I say a blessing in a prayer that I have written myself for this day. At dusk, I drive to the park trail head. As instructed, I undress and leave my clothes in the car. All that I am allowed is sandals and the knotted, ritual cord around my waist. Naked, I take the trail and after about a mile of walking I see a lantern. It is my teacher, Jason, waiting on a rise in the trail. He is wearing robes. He holds out his arms to greet me and when I reach him, he embraces me.
"Are you ready?" he asks.
"Yes," is all I say. I want to ask a dozen questions about tonight but have already been told that he will not say more.
"Come," he says, "it is time."
He blindfolds me and I follow him for a distance. We turn off the trail and into some brush. We must crouch to get through it. He tells me that we are at a cave. I hear a male voice.
"Who is this wraith?" the man inquires of Jason.
"He is my apprentice and a seeker who desires to be one with us, Jason announces. "He has studied a year and a day. I will stand for him. Let us pass."
Jason takes my hand a pulls me forward. The cave air is cool on my skin. He tells me to follow closely so that I don't fall. As we move through the cave, I begin to hear male voices chanting. It is a familiar sound, a chant I learned in my studies. It grows louder as we move on. I feel the air getting warmer. I can barely see flickering firelight through the blindfold.
"Wait here," Jason says suddenly. I stand alone and start to get nervous. When Jason returns he binds my wrists in front of me. He readjusts the blindfold. Jason takes me closer to the fire. I can feel the heat now. He announces, "Before you stand 11 men. I am one of them. Each man will ask you a question, the answer to which you have learned in your training. If he is satisfied with your answer, he will embrace you. The questions will be difficult, but you have studied and are ready. "
The first voice is from someone to my left. He asks me about healing herbs. When I am done with my answer, he says, "I am satisfied." I hear a rustle of fabric as he comes toward me. He embraces me and kisses me on the lips. A second man asks me questions about the origins of the Goddess. He repeats the phrase, "I am satisfied." Again, I hear him come toward me. He embraces me but instead of my mouth he kisses my nipples. He suckles and pulls hard and leaves them wet. I feel myself getting erect. This goes on as each man present questions me then kisses some part of me. I am kissed on the feet, my chest, my ass. No one touches my cock. The last man to speak is Jason. He says, "Why do you desire to become one of us?" I tell him that I want to join men who serve the great Goddess. I speak of the maiden, the mother, and the crone. I say that that I want to be her consort. That I know there will be trials and that I am ready. "Very well," he says, tonight we invoke the god Pan and present you for his pleasure. If you are found pleasing to him, you shall be initiated and admitted to our circle." He embraces me. I can feel his chest hair on mine, his cock on my thigh. He, too, is naked. He whispers in my ear as he holds me, "Relax, now, don't be frightened." Suddenly I feel many hands on my body. I am lifted and carried to a flat surface. I know that it is an altar. The warmth of the fire is to my left. My wrists are unbound and I am laid spread eagled. I hear but cannot see. Hands begin to massage my body. Hands are at my feet, my thighs, my nipples, my head. My erection throbs as it is lightly grazed while my belly is caressed. My head is lifted and I am given cool water to drink. A monotonal chant begins in unison. As it crescendos, its intensity echoes in the cavern.
My blindfold is removed. Men encircle the altar. They are naked. Some masturbate themselves, some the man to next to him. The circle opens and I see a tall man with long black hair wearing the half mask of a horned goat. He is the high priest. He is the invoked Pan. In a fluid gesture he outstretches his arms. Two naked youths remove the robes from his body. His body is hairy and muscled. There is a ring in each nipple and his erect cock. He cups my ball sac in his hand and gives me the five fold kiss: once on my lips, each nipple, my belly and my cock. His lips linger on my cock head. I am picked up again and positioned with my ass at the end of the altar. A man on each side of me spreads my legs. Men begin caressing me again. My nipples are sucked. My asshole is massaged and prepared to receive the God. My torso is cradled by a man who sits behind me. When the chanting reaches its full intensity, Pan thrusts his cock into my ass. My body is shocked by a pain that slowly subsides into pleasure. The chanting becomes more rhythmic as I am fucked. Someone takes my cock into his mouth, sucking me hard, pulling at my balls. Each man takes a turn, sucking me into a near climax of pleasure. Pan begins to moan as a large man stands behind him and tugs at his nipples. His thrusting into my ass becomes violent and hard. The chanting gets loud again. Men all around me are jerking their cocks. One by one the sound of orgasm rises above the chanting, each man shooting cum on my chest and belly. I am lifted and turned so that my face is in front of Pan's cock and balls, the uncut tip at my lips. My head is roughly pulled backward by the hair forcing my mouth to open. Pan shoves his cock into my mouth and fucks me. He begins to groan. With each thrust he nearly chokes me. I struggle to take it all. He cums and I swallow hard, trying to catch every pulsing load. When it is over, Pan takes my head in his hands and shoves his cock deeply into my throat one last time, grinding it there. My face is chafed by his hairy groin.
At last I am placed on my hands and knees. Jason stands behind me. He presses his cock head into my ass and begins to fuck me. Someone shoves a cock into my mouth while another reaches under my chest and pinches my tits hard. A fist encasing my cock head jerks me in rapid short strokes and my orgasm begins to mount. My body writhes in pleasure. Jason fucks me hard. My body convulses as my own ejaculation sprays semen onto the altar.
There are smiles and laughter as I look into satisfied faces. They kiss me on the lips and forehead. Each man touches one of the pools of semen on my chest and places his fingertips on my lips, pausing for me to suck them. I am lifted to a warm bath and then, still naked, lead to the fire. The high priest is waiting for me. He embraces me and welcomes me. I am toasted with meade. I am told stories and secrets. The ritual cord at my waist is severed with Jason's athame. I am no longer his apprentice. I am a member of the circle.