Please don't make any irrational assumptions before you read this: I have never met N'Sync, and nothing in this story is intended to make you think any thing different about their personalities, orientations, etc. If you really want to know, meet them yourself. Also, this story isn't intended for audiences under 18 or with moral objections to relationships, gay, straight, or whatever.
God wants to bite me in the ass, I swear. You people had better be damn thanking whoever you pray to that I had already wrote this section a month ago, or you might have had to wait until after finals, because I have just about had it. I haven't had a free afternoon since spring break, almost a month ago, and I have three extremely important projects all due on Friday, as well as the last game of the season, which could determine whether we go to playoffs or not. I sat out the last game to do ten sets of physics homework, and cram for the last test, which I got a measly 86 on, and I have a final project in my architecture class, which I had been putting off since the beginning of the semester, and I will have no time to write anything for anyone, except possibly my professors. Don't even try to email me anymore, because I have no life, starting today, and I doubt I can even find ten minutes to answer anyone.
If I did answer you, you have the last testimony to my life as a writer, because my plans to be an author while holding a career in architectural engineering have been seriously shattered. My advisor the other day told me that I had picked the hardest degree that they offer on campus, and she practically laughed when I asked if I would have time to play baseball, or work. She told me I'm trying to do too much, what the hell?
Anyway, this chapter will introduce a new character, and include some info that a few people have given me about MTV, but which I doubt I was able to process right, so I probably sound retarded, but I guess you'll just have to decide for yourselves.
If you absolutely have to email me and tell me "What the hell were you smoking when you came up with this crap?", I'm at scottiescot@hotmail.com.
The problem was Justin, of course. He goes out of his way to be a pain, I swear.
"Wait a second, hold on," he said, stopping us as we were walking towards the doors to the club. He rummaged through his pockets, looking for something. I was surprised he was able to fit his hands in the pockets, those pants were so tight.
"I'm missing some cash," he said, pulling out his wallet and searching through it. I glanced at my watch. Quarter after.
"How much?" said Josh, looking up to the front of the line, where Lance and Chris were standing with the bouncer, waving at us to hurry up and get our asses over there.
"Three hundred dollars!" said Justin angrily. I felt bad for him: three hundred dollars is a lot of money, and as broke as I was with college and everything, I knew exactly how that could be.
Justin suddenly turned to glare at me. What the hell now?
"Where is it?" He asked me, his lips forming two very thin lines.
"What?" I said, breaking my code of silence.
"Did you take it?" he accused, his eyes narrowing suspiciously, as his hands dropped to his sides.
"Me?" I exclaimed. "Of course not!" What the hell? Why on earth would I steal $300 from him?!? I hated him, sure, but what the hell would I need with his money?
"Liar. You know you took it," he insisted, a smile crossing his stupid face.
"How could I? I haven't been anywhere near you all day!" I declared, as I crossed my arms over my chest. Where the fuck did this come from? I swear, Justin just started things with people, was he a born instigator?
"Justin, Austin couldn't have taken your money. He's not like that," said Josh, as he looked fearfully between us. Neither of us dropped our gaze. I was so angry, the only reason I wasn't popping Justin one was because Josh and a hundred other people were standing there. Someone flashed a camera, which I caught out of the corner of my eye.
How could Justin accuse me of something like that? The little shit, he was just trying to embarrass me in front of everyone.
"Let's see his wallet then," said Justin smugly, his grin widening.
I immediately reached for my back pocket, but stopped myself just in time. Oh shit. Shit! That extra $300 I had found at lunch today. I had thought that my dad had slipped it in, but I should have known better. It wasn't there when I had paid for my ticket at the entrance to Disneyland. How could I have been so stupid?
That little grinning motherfucker. He was going to frame me, and there was no way that I could prove I didn't do it. What the hell could I say? "Uh, I didn't know," didn't seem a viable excuse. I unconsciously reached for my back pocket, but as I realized what Justin was trying to do, a hundred pairs of eyes on me, and knowing that as soon as I pulled out my wallet, there would be three hundred dollar bills sticking out of it, I stopped. Luckily, I was saved before I could humiliate myself.
"Justin, he doesn't have to prove anything to you. If he says he didn't do it, he didn't do it. Maybe you left it in your other pants," suggested Josh, taking his shoulders and trying to steer him towards the door.
"If he's innocent, he has nothing to hide," insisted Justin, resisting Josh's attempts at moving him.
"Unless..." I said loudly, so that everyone could hear me. I can't stand having everyone looking at me, and I knew I must have looked totally guilty, but I figured out a way to save myself. It was a hell of a risk, but if it worked, I would be cleared. Justin had shoved the money not in the main long side slot where your money goes, but behind my driver's license, shoved in between that and my campus parking pass. If he grabbed the wallet and went straight to that compartment, without bothering to search, it would prove he had shoved the money in there. He might put on a show, but I doubted he would be that clever, so I gambled, and pulled out my wallet, tossing it on the ground in front of him.
He frowned suddenly, not looking at the wallet, both of our eyes locked on each other. The silence of a minute ago had given way to a torrent of whispering, as everyone realized the situation. We stood there for a minute, neither of us daring to drop our gaze, until finally Justin just gave up, tsking annoyed, and stalked up to the front entrance.
"What the hell was that?" said Joey, looking from me to Josh, back to Justin's back. I just stared back at Justin, my anger fading with the realization that at least I didn't appear guilty anymore. Josh picked up my wallet from the ground, and handed it back to me, but I wasn't paying attention, because I was still staring after Justin.
Joey waved his hand in front of my face and I shot him a look, snatched the damn wallet, shoved it back in my pants, and stormed up to the front entrance. I wasn't going to let Justin leave it at that.
Joey and Josh followed me, but by the time we got up to the line, Justin had already disappeared inside. Chris and Lance, however, stayed behind to give Joey and Josh a tirade about holding up the line.
"What the hell were you doing back there?" exclaimed Chris, checking his watch.
"I wasn't doing anything," said Joey. "It was him and Justin," he said, pointing at me. I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't care who had to wait five minutes to get into this hell hole, I wasn't going to be embarrassed by Justin Timberlake.
"Can't you and him just get along?" sighed Lance, as he was signing something for the bouncer. The guy waved us through the gate, and I reluctantly followed them inside, although this was the last place on earth I wanted to be.
As I walked inside, it was pitch black, with bizarre green lights swirling around so fast, I felt dizzy. Some extremely fast-paced techno was blasting out, so that I couldn't hear anything, and the place was crowded, a thousand people wasting their time dancing around, getting drunk and on their way to getting laid.
Within three seconds, I knew that I wanted to leave, but Josh grabbed my arm, with a big grin on his face, so I allowed myself to be dragged out into the main dance room, which was literally the entire warehouse. Why was I always being dragged to places that I hated? I need to start speaking my mind more.
There was no chance for discussion, and the fucked up lighting cancelled my plans to tell off Justin. I couldn't even see five feet in front of me. It was horrible.
The bad lighting show was replaced after a few minutes with a very dim black light, you know the one where if you're wearing white, it shows up all fluorescent, so that I could see slightly better. As soon as I could see, I noticed one thing right away: there were a LOT of fine class women in there, my eyes nearly fell out. And, as I noticed was happening more and more frequently, I noticed that there were quite a few good-looking guys in here as well. Too much flesh was showing. In my sweater and khakis, I felt like I was over-dressed all wrong, but I thought fuck it, who cares. Besides, none of the other guys had open shirts or anything.
As it was, Josh and Joey were already bobbing their heads to the music, and starting one of those stupid little circles, after saying hello to a couple of people that they knew. I took a step backward, wanting to dance as little as possible, and I backed into Lance, who shoved me back, playfully.
I have been in a few mosh pits before, but this was definitely not the right atmosphere. It felt like I was in a foreign country.
"Austin, this is my friend Andres," shouted Josh suddenly, yanking me away from Lance and stopping in front of some dude wearing a white jacket and nothing underneath. I nodded my head to show I had seen him, and he did the same. He looked kind of weird.
"And this is Jasmin, and Chantel, and ..." he said, introducing me to a few of the other people standing with us. All of them had martinis in their hands, and they all gave me a cool once-over before searching the club for someone more important. Their names went in one ear and out the other.
If these were Josh's friends, they certainly weren't very nice. They didn't have the decency to say hi or anything, although with the loud music, maybe they figured I wouldn't have heard them. They looked like something out of a movie, artsy snobby types. Josh didn't hang around them very long. He dragged me over to the corner that had a bunch of tables and a bar near the exit.
"Isn't this great!" he shouted excitedly.
"Yeah, great," I said sarcastically, and he flashed me his silly grin. It was funny when he was all excited like this, and a lot better than when he was depressed or anxious about Justin.
"Come on, Austin, it's not that bad!" he said, grabbing a table as two people left.
"Hey, dude, check out that chick over there!" said Joey, who appeared at my elbow. I immediately turned around to look where he was pointing, somewhere near where we had come in at. There were actually two girls: one was really tall, wearing a pink T-shirt that said BRAT on it, the other had on a white halter top and a jeans skirt. Both were blonde.
"Yeah?" I half-shouted, the music shifting suddenly from techno to a very fast R&B. It was Janet Jackson, but the background music was completely different from the track that usually goes with the song, so that it sounded retarded.
"Think I can get her number?" he said excitedly. I was glad that he was off his authority kick, now that I had something that he considered decent to wear and Justin wasn't within eyesight.
"Which one?" I replied.
"The short one, dude, come on, let's go!" he said, grabbing my arm and dragging me away from Josh. I glanced back, helplessly, and Josh shot me a hurt look. I mouthed I'm sorry to him. He gave me a small smile and walked away, closer to the dance floor.
"Hey, did one of you drop this?" said Joey as we walked up to the two girls. I yanked my arm away from Joey, and he let go. He was holding out a piece of paper. I looked at it, confused. What the hell? I thought we were going to try and get their number.
"No, I don't think so," said the tall one, while the short one giggled.
"Are you sure? It has my number on it, and I don't want you to lose it!" said Joey and I gaped at him. Did he realize how stupid he sounded?
Apparently, I had nothing to worry about, because both girls laughed and laughed. Maybe they had had too much to drink, but they were drinking what looked like Cokes to me.
"What's your name?" said Joey easily as he slid the paper back into his pocket. I wondered if it even had anything written on it, and how many times the line had worked. I personally admired him for trying. I would have never had the balls to walk up to a complete stranger and claim that they lost my number, though I had never met them before in my life. The girls seemed to like it though, and they were checking Joey out. They might have been checking me out, but I wasn't paying attention: I was searching the crowd for Josh, to see where he had gone to keep himself busy.
"I'm Trish, and this is Pam," said the shorter girl.
"And what's your name, cutie?" said Pam.
"You don't know who I am?" said Joey, in mock-disbelief. I cringed, realizing that Joey had said the exact same thing when I had first met him, but maybe Joey, like Chris, also wasn't as well known.
"Oh we know who you are, you're Joey Fatone from N'Sync, right?" said Trish quickly, Pam nodding her head vigorously. Well, if they knew who he was, then why were they asking his name? I wondered, as I checked my watch for the eight thousandth time since we had arrived.
"We're talking about your friend," said Pam, and I looked up in surprise. Me? What did they want with me for?
"Me?" I said in shock.
"Of course you," said Pam, smiling down at her friend. I blushed furiously, and she smiled, licking her lips very obviously and glancing me up and down. Oh great. One of those types.
"This is my buddy Austin," said Joey for me. I glanced down, not wanting to say anything. This was going to be a major problem: it seemed that Pam was interested, and I most definitely was not.
I'm not really into blondes, and aggressive women turn me off. Big time. Plus, she was way too fucking tall. She was almost as tall as me, and I'm pretty tall. She was wearing high-heeled sandal things, that were about four inches thick, so that she towered over everyone. Trish was a foot shorter, and a lot prettier, for a blonde.
"Hi," I said politely. It was one thing to not be attracted to someone, but I didn't want to be rude. I smiled and she grinned back.
"You want to go grab something to drink, big guy?" she said brightly, taking my arm. Joey gave me a thumb's up behind her back. As much as I wanted to glare darkly back at him, or shake my head, or something, anything to show I was NOT interested, her friend was looking, so I couldn't. How could I tell them I wasn't interested? As far as Joey knew, I was single, and Pam was pretty, and very well-endowed(VERY). The only reason I had to not be interested was Josh, and I couldn't tell Joey that. Instead, I allowed the girl to take me over to a little table on the side.
As we were walking (her dragging me by my arm) the DJ came on over the music and announced "hey y'all! We got a lil' surpise! N'sync is in da house tonight, so let's show em all yo 'preciashun!" And suddenly, the beat changed entirely and the track switched to something that I have never heard before, but obviously was one of Josh's songs. How did I know? Peg, or whatever her name was started shrilling, "It's them!! Hey, how did you meet them! This is their song!"
I used the distraction to slide out of her grasp, but people started crowding around, and I got stuck in the middle of a huge jumble of loud, sweaty bodies. Well, this was even better wasn't it? I was being forced to listen to N'sync, trapped by an ugly fake-breasted blonde and a hundred gyromaniac alcoholics. To top it off, I was starting to get a headache.
Pam grabbed my ass and hugged me towards her, as everyone began dancing to something that sounded nothing like N'Sync: it sounded like rap. The beat was deafening: I couldn't hear any of the words, even if I had tried. Instead, I was concentrated on getting Pam to take her hands off my ass. The rap song changed into a love song, I think, and I could hear what sounded like a boy band over the throbbing pulse, but I was lost as to who was actually singing. I had no idea what part Josh sang, even after all the time we had talked on the phone. I didn't know anything: I felt completely out of place.
I looked frantically around, but could find none of them. Not even Joey: he and Trish had disappeared. Pam tried getting my attention by squeezing my crotch, and I shot her a look, before forcefully thrusting out of the huge strangulation of dancers. This was the worst idea in the world. And where the hell was Josh?
I wandered around the club for about a half an hour, trying to find even one of them. The entire time, I didn't know when one song stopped and the next one started, and my headache got worse and worse. Finally, I could hardly stand it anymore, and I headed over to the bathroom, but before I could, someone said something to me right behind me and I jumped.
"Hey, Austin, where's Pam?" shouted Joey, suddenly right behind me. I turned, startled, and he and Trish laughed. Trish had a drink in her hand, and Joey had his arm around her shoulder. The dude worked fast: I don't why he thought he would need silent ol' me to help him get women, he was doing just fine on his own. I think his insist that I be their "meal ticket" was really just another attempt at making me feel better over Jen.
"What did you think of her?" asked Trish, taking a sip from her glass.
"I think I need a drink," I answered, excusing myself as I headed over to the bar.
Well, I'm sorry, but Pam was about the last thing I needed right now. I just wanted to be with Josh, holding each other, maybe watching a movie or something. Not pretending that I was cruising at a club, and getting set up by Joey.
The music was so loud, my headache seemed like someone was holding a jackhammer to my temple, and with every beat the throbbing became more intense. I drifted over to the bar, not intending on drinking anything, because I didn't need to be humiliated by being carded, but just to sit down, and to avoid Joey. I sat between an empty seat and a girl looking pretty lonely, stirring her straw into her glass listlessly.
I plopped down into the stool, and the bartender turned to me almost immediately. I put my hand to my temple and started massaging my head, it felt like I was rubbing the skin off or something.
"You ok, man?" said the bartender, but I barely heard him over the throbbing in my head and the changing music. The next song I actually recognized. Creed. Jen had that song memorized, and she used to play it all the time: With Arms Wide Open. The club was playing it at a really high speed, with the same techno background that they had played Josh's song. It sounded awful.
"Yeah, you got some water?" I answered, my arms falling to the bar counter in front of me as I looked around.
"Sure, stud," he answered, but I couldn't be sure I heard that last part right, because my headache was getting worse. Instead, I turned to the left, and noticed the girl that was looking kind of depressed. I almost said something to her (not a line, but she looked really down), when I heard someone plop into the seat next to me, and say something.
"You look pretty down, hunk, you want someone to cheer you up?" I turned around to see another girl, another blonde, this one wearing black and kind of chubby.
I shook my head, instead, glancing straight in front of me, since I couldn't look anywhere without someone hitting on me.
"Why are you so upset, sugar?" she said, sliding her hand across my back. Suddenly, I had an idea. I prayed it would work.
"I'm just waiting for my boyfriend," I said, stressing the boyfriend. I watched her face scrunch up in disgust as she got up and left without another word.
Ha, ha. That sure worked, and the good part was, I would never see her again. But just as I was congratulating myself for getting out of another situation, the bartender comes up close to me, and says, "You gay?"
Oh god. I looked to the ceiling for help. I just can't win. I looked at him, and realized he was staring at me pretty intently, his tongue flicking across his lips as his eyes drank me in. I felt violated.
"No," I said, in one of my patented lies. Here's some advice: whenever someone guesses something about you that you want to keep secret, simply say no like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I had learned that when people kept asking me where all my bruises came from in elementary school, and I had managed to keep people from being too suspicious. Look at them like they're crazy. But say it fast, not all dragged out like "Noooooo, why would you say that?" because it draws attention.
"You sure?" he said, his hand dropping from view. I didn't follow it, as I'm sure it went straight to his crotch, but kept my eyes on his.
"Positive," I said, and I got up and left.
Well, this was turning out to be a dynamite evening. I was in a strange place with no one I knew: I couldn't find Josh, Justin had tried to frame me for three hundred dollars, and Joey kept trying to set me up with the ugliest girls in the club. I had even been hit on by a guy. I didn't turn back to look at him as I stomped away angrily, intending to find Josh as quickly as I could and beg him to take me home.
The next closest thing: Lance. I found him talking to another guy near the cocktail tables, and I quickly went right up to him. I didn't care who the other guy was: Lance had a car. Maybe he could take me home if he didn't know where Josh was.
"Dude, this sucks. I want out of here," I said as I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the other guy.
"Wha?" he said, misunderstanding. He glanced at his watch. "But it's only eleven o'clock," he said.
"Only? Holy shit, I feel like I've been here all night!" I exclaimed angrily, immediately checking my own watch again to verify.
"Calm down, what's wrong?" he said, nodding to the other guy, who turned and left.
"Some bitch just felt me up about twenty minutes ago, so I went over to the bar to get some water, and the fucking bartender, the GUY bartender, started hitting on me! What the fuck?" I fumed. Lance half smirked, and I steeled my eyes into him, and he stopped.
"Well, there are a lot of gay people in L.A, and dude, you're pretty hot. I'm surprised there weren't more people hitting on you. Guys or girls," he answered, giving me the same lookover that the guy had given me.
Whoa, had Lance just checked me out? Lance? No, I immediately rejected he thought. Lance was cool, he was too nice. Plus, he was just giving me a compliment. I was just too sensitive to other people right now.
"Have you seen Josh?" I asked, ignoring the comment. I couldn't deal with this right now, and all I wanted to do was go home with Josh.
"Josh, no, why?" he said, looking at me quizzically. "I thought he was with you."
"He was, but we got separated or something, and now I am tired of this shit, and I got a major fucking headache," I growled, rubbing my temples again.
"Alright, hey there's Chris, maybe he knows where Josh went," said Lance, pointing across the floor to Chris, who was making out with some girl.
I sighed. Was everybody getting some except me? Well, me and Lance, I corrected myself, as I hadn't seen Lance with any girls tonight. I walked over to Chris and the girl, and some jerk slammed into me from the side. Didn't even apologize, just kept on dancing. Who considers this a good time again?
"Dude, have you seen Josh?" I said as soon as we got up to Chris, tapping him on the shoulder rudely. He looked up all pissed off, but seeing it was us, his face changed.
"What? No, I haven't seen him. Wasn't he with you?" he said.
"He was, but now I can't.." Lance started to explain, but someone interrupted us.
"Austin, where the hell have you been?!? I've been looking everywhere for you!" It was Josh. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"There you are. Where did you go? I went back to that table after ditching that girl, and you were gone!" I said.
"I wasn't going to sit there and wait for you, so I...sort of...followed you..." he said, the last part of his sentence all soft so that I don't think I heard it right.
"You what?" Had I heard him right? "You followed me? Why?" I demanded. What, didn't he trust me? Why would he follow me?
"You a peeping tom, jc?" joked Chris, smiling slightly as he danced a small circle with the girl still hanging on his shoulders, her eyes wide with surprise, probably at seeing the group or something.
"Why would you follow Austin? Wouldn't you be happy that he was getting over that Jen girl?" added Lance.
I realized right then that Josh following me wouldn't be "normal" if we continued to be "just-friends", and I wondered how long the charade would last. It was already getting tiring, and I hadn't even spent a full day here yet. If he had been a girl, we could easily explain it as sizing up the competition or something, but it wouldn't work as friends. I was mad that he didn't trust me enough to blow off whoever Joey introduced me to, but I also realized that Lance and Chris' pressing on Josh might leak the truth about our relationship, sooner than both of us wanted.
"I...uh...was...um worried that he might be...um...getting into a new relationship too soon," he said lamely, and I felt myself cringe. How could I have just put him on the spot like that? We might blow our cover. But before I could change the subject, Chris blurted out with: "Too soon?! Didn't he break up with that girl like a month ago?"
"Um..." Josh stammered, and I quickly threw in: "Look, it doesn't matter. I just want to go home."
"Go home?!? But we just got here!" protested Chris.
"You can stay, but I got a headache, and I want to get some sleep, dude," I said, faking a yawn that I hoped would allay suspicion from Josh.
"I'll take you home," said Josh quickly, and I saw Lance and Chris glance at each other. Fuck, they were putting two and two together...!!!
"But don't you want to stay, and get a girl of your own?" I said quickly. "You can have mine, although she might be too tall for you..." I said, crossing my fingers. Please, god, just make sure they don't find out! I prayed.
Chris and his girl both laughed, but Lance didn't. He hadn't seen the girl, but then again neither did Chris. Maybe he just thought it was a joke.
"Where's Joey and Justin?" asked Chris, and I silently sent a thank you upstairs, for having him change the subject.
"I don't know and I don't care," I muttered darkly, and the current song (?) was so loud that no one heard me.
"Haven't seen 'em," answered Josh, and Lance shook his head.
"I saw Justin a minute ago," offered the girl, and we all looked at her, having temporarily forgotten that she was standing there.
"Really? Where?" asked Chris.
"Over by the bar. He was talking to a girl in a green tank top," she said, pointing over near where Lance and I had been standing a few minutes ago.
"Why do you care where they are?" I said, glancing at my watch yet again.
"Just wondering. If you guys go home, they'll have to ride with me," said Chris, shrugging.
"Ok, well, I guess we'll see you tomorrow," said Josh, turning to head towards the door. I started to follow him when I heard someone come up to us and say "hey, there you guys are! Isn't this great!" I knew without looking that it was Justin, the last person I wanted to see. Why did he always pick the worst times to show up!
"Where is Josh going?" he asked, as I started to walk away. Typical that he wouldn't mention me, even though I was only five feet away from them.
"He's taking Austin home, because Austin isn't feeling well," I heard Chris answer.
"Hey, I'm not feeling well either, maybe I should go too, Josh wait up!" said Justin really fast suddenly. Fuck! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!!
Josh turned around in front of me, and Justin ran up to him.
"Can you take me home too? I don't feel well," said Justin, although he looked perfectly fine to me. Josh looked back over Justin's shoulder at me, and I glared at him, the worst look that I could come up with, my face set in stone. No. Don't do it, I said with my eyes.
Maybe the lighting was obstructing his vision, or maybe he was mad at me for following Joey on his cruising mission earlier, or maybe he was just bad at telepathy. "Sure Justin, come on!" he said brightly, avoiding my gaze as he put his arm around Justin's shoulders and led him out towards the exit.
That made me so mad! I stayed rooted to the floor in the middle of the club, fuming, as they both left. What the fuck was wrong with Josh! Hadn't he seen that Justin had tried to frame me? Didn't he remember what Justin had caused me, what he had done to me and Jen?! How could he still be friends with that little shithead!
I kept staring at the door for about ten more seconds before I realized how it probably looked, me standing there by myself staring at the door. I glanced back, and saw Lance and Chris looking at me a little surprised that I was still standing there, but they looked sad for me, too. They knew how much I hated Justin. They shrugged their shoulders at me, and I just shook my head, and headed out the door.
Despite being a boy scout for 9 years, I still couldn't remember where we had parked, although I seem to remember coming from the side where the line was. Luckily for me, there was still a line as I left, so I drifted off to the east, trying not to look like I was following Justin and JC of N'sync. Luckily, I had let them get about a five minute head start, and no one noticed me, or so I thought.
As I walked down the line, every single eye was on me. Guys, girls, everyone glanced at me at least once. Not checking me out (I hope) but just wondering why one lone guy would come out of the same happening place that they all wanted to get into. The line was impossibly long, but as I got near the end, no one noticed me at all. They hadn't seen me leave the club, so maybe they thought that I was just going to join the end of the line. I couldn't believe that people had actually lined up to come to this fucked up place. I detoured, striking off to the left, but still having no sense of direction. The club was on a busy night-life street, and I could see tons of restaurants across the street, all open with loud music coming from everywhere, couples and friends walking around, having a good time. It was like the club inside had dispersed, the music not as loud and with more room. Fancy, flashy sports cars drove by, highlighting the palms that lined the street. Apparently, this was a pretty popular part of L.A. And I had no idea where I was.
People were walking, talking, and I was the only one alone. I glanced to the west to see a boardwalk-like pavilion across the street, leading to a sandy area. I was near the beach? Maybe... But I didn't remember a beach when we had been careening through the streets to Rosarita's. Also, we had driven from the restaurant to the club, even though it had been only about three streets away, because I remembered Joey joking about that, and josh had snapped that he didn't want to be mobbed walking in the middle of "the Pavilion".
On the east side was the club that I had just left. I couldn't remember where we had parked, and my head still hurt. So I just started walking randomly, so that I wouldn't look like a total idiot, standing alone by myself.
"Austin?" someone called from behind me. It was Josh.
I didn't turn around. I was still wondering what exactly I wanted to say to Josh. I didn't even know if I had the right to be mad at him; I was just upset and hurt. I felt lost, I guess. I didn't fit in with the rest of the guys, and Justin was making it his goal to exclude me. I didn't know anyone in Los Angeles. I was hoping that Josh could understand that.
"What?" I said, realizing that I hadn't answered him. I refused to look at him, and instead stared at the silly looking girls across the street flirt with some guys that all looked like they were too young to be drinking.
"I...I..." he started to say something, but I honestly didn't think there was anything left to be said. Not being much of a talker, I don't know how to communicate my feelings very well, and I get really uncomfortable when all people want to do is talk things over, and I don't know what to say. I really didn't need Josh to tell me anything. I've been kicked before, and it's not like it was his fault: Justin just volunteered him, and what kind of friend says no to someone who isn't feeling well. The only person I was mad at was Justin, who, if it was even possible, had further ruined the evening for me.
"Josh, just forget it. This just wasn't a good idea, it's noone's fault," I said, turning around finally to catch the glint of his soulful blue eyes as a Honda's headlights doused over us.
"Are you sure? I feel really bad," he said, looking up at me, eyes wide open, as if I would be furious.
"Don't be, I'm fine... And no, I'm not just saying that," I added, smirking at the skeptical look Josh flipped me.
"Come on. Justin probably got shot gun, right?" I said, deftly changing the subject. We started heading to his car, not talking too much.
"Look, about Justin..." Josh started, but I didn't want to talk about Justin. He was Josh's friend, fine, but he didn't have to be mine.
"I'll try and be nicer to him," I interrupted. I didn't want to have another argument about Justin again.
"You? Nicer to him?!? I was just going to apologize for him being such a jerk to you!"
"Really, I've had worse things happen to me. The little wallet thing was actually pretty tame," I said casually.
"But how could he just accuse you of something like that? He didn't even think it could be anywhere else!" said Josh.
"Well, the reason is, I did have the three hundred dollars," I said, sighing. The truth had to come out sometime.
"He immediately stopped and turned to me. "What! You took..."
"I can't believe you actually think that I would steal $300 from Justin." I interrupted, frowning at him. He looked at his feet.
"He put the money there sometime this morning, because i found it at lunch. I thought that my dad put it there, and I forgot about it until Justin 'lost' it earlier," I clarified, and Josh's head shot up.
"That doesn't sound like Justin! Why would he do something like that?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Don't you care? He practically framed you, if he put the money in your wallet!?!" exclaimed Josh, his eyes full of hurt and betrayal.
"It's not that big of a deal, Josh. Really," I tried to reassure him, but Josh just got mad. By then, we were at the car, and I saw Justin looking out of the window at us, his familiar look of contempt crossing his face as he saw me looking at him.
"Not that big of a deal?!?" Josh repeated shrilly.
"Dude, chill out, ok? Nothing happened. Maybe he was just playing a joke," I said.
"Some fucking joke," muttered Josh. Great, I had him all riled up. Why couldn't I have just kept my fucking trap shut? I really didn't care about Justin anymore: his little stunt to embarrass me was pretty lame when put on the same scale as sleeping with Jen.
"Will you just drop it? Nobody got hurt. Besides, he's your friend. Maybe he can tell you," I said. I could hardly believe that I was now defending Justin, but really, it didn't bother me. Josh gets too protective.
We reached the car, and I jumped into the back, not wanting to have to ask Justin to open the door for me and lean forward so that I could get into the back seat. Ignoring him seemed the best solution, but unfortunately, Josh liked everything to be out in the open, so he berated Justin for the incident with the wallet. Josh was older than Justin, and he said he was more like an older brother, so Justin took the scolding in stride. He instead glared at me, as if I had put Josh up to this.
"Josh, that's enough, ok? Can we just go home?" I said impatiently. It was nearing twelve, and I had been up since 5 to make the flight over here.
Josh sighed angrily, and put the Jag in gear, and we tore ass back to the condo. He gave me a few warning glances to show that he didn't think Justin should be able to get off for this, but I really didn't care. I had no power over Justin: why fight him?
The rest of the ride was quiet, and I was thinking of what the best thing for me to do was. I couldn't continue to avoid Justin, he was going to be with me everywhere we went, it seemed. I also wasn't that mad at him. I was still a little angry about Jen, but that had been a long time coming. Besides, I had Josh now, so I didn't miss Jen as much, and it didn't really seem important why we had broken up. The only other solution I had was to at least be friendly to him. We didn't have to be best buddies, but a sort of truce should at least put a stop to more incidents like the one at the club. I got my chance to make amends as we got out of the car, and Justin apologized. To both of us.
"Look, I'm sorry about the money, it was just like a little dumb ass hazing thing, I guess. I shouldn't have done it," he said.
"No problem, man. I've been through it before," I grinned, but he didn't return the grin. Instead, he sneered at me. I sighed, this was probably going to be harder than I thought.
It pleased Josh, though. He thanked Justin and said how great it was that we finally weren't fighting. He then opened the gate and rushed to his condo to go grab something that Justin had left there.
"So..." I said, looking around the dark garden. Justin scowled.
"Even if that apology was just a show for Josh, I'm not that mad," I said, trying to ease the tension.
"Who the hell cares what you think?" he said rudely, before Josh came back with a shirt in his hand.
"Here it is, I found it in the den," said Josh triumphantly.
I just walked to Josh's door, and decided maybe ignoring Justin wouldn't be as bad as I had thought.
I plopped down on his couch and nearly fell asleep, until Josh shook me about five minutes later.
"Since you and Justin aren't angry anymore, is it ok if he sleeps over?" he said. Shit. Should I tell him the truth, and say that we aren't really friends, and Justin was just as big a prick now as he was then? Or should I lie, to make everyone happier? What would you do?
"Sure, but what about us?" I said, thinking quickly. I had another way of getting Justin out of the house without ruining his and Josh's friendship, or lying to Josh. I looked quickly to see if Justin was behind us, before grabbing him and pulling him in for a tight, wet kiss.
"Uh...hold on just a second," he slurred, and he ran back out of the room. I smiled. Jen could boss me around all she wanted when it came to dates and stuff, but I always set the time for sex. I made time.
He came back two seconds later. "He says he's gonna watch tv, and wants to know if you are going to be sleeping on the couch in here," he said breathlessly. I briefly wondered why Justin would care where I was sleeping, but maybe he wanted to pull another prank.
"Tell him I'm sleeping in the guest room...unless you have other plans..." I said, as I winked at him. His grin was ear to ear as he ran out of the room, and I hoped that Justin wouldn't notice, but I was too excited to care. I wanted to make sure that I was doing the right thing, and although morally, fooling around with josh anymore probably wasn't the best way to start our relationship, I couldn't get it out of my mind: I wanted to feel him again, his mouth, his darting tongue, everything.
That wasn't going to happen.
"He wants to know if you want to watch a movie with him, as a way to apologize," he said, frowning slightly. I could see the indecision in his head: on the one hand, he wanted me and Justin to get along, but on the other hand, he wanted some nookie. I let him make the decision.
"Well, what do you want me to do, then?" I asked, still thinking why is Justin going to such lengths to put on a show for Josh when he really hates my guts?
" ... Hmmm ... You could just say you're too tired..." said Josh, smiling shyly.
"I could... ," I said, taking my hand and placing it gently on his. I ran my fingers very slowly, softly, across the back of his hand, still keeping my eyes locked on his.
"... He won't mind..." Josh said softly, his eyes turning glassy. We both smiled at each other like idiots.
"I could do something else, too..." I said, as I slowly ran my fingers up along his arm, tickling him softly with my touch.
"...What?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"This..." I said, bringing my head up to capture his lips. This time was going to be different: no more mister modest, I wanted josh right that minute more than anything. I didn't care how long we were supposed to wait, or whether it was a good idea, I just wanted it. Bad.
I slowly tasted his lips, and my other hand, the one that was not tracing along his arm, I pulled around his head, forcing him to lean down into me.
His practiced tongue was already devouring me. He hadn't waited more than two seconds before his tongue had worked its way into my mouth, and was flicking all around, tapping against my pallete. I had wanted to be first, to show that I wasn't just being ambushed again, like I had this afternoon, when Josh had jumped me before we had to leave for the club.
I should have known that Josh wouldn't let me. But god, what the hell was I doing? Worrying over who stuck their tongue on who's mouth first? Christ, I needed to stop being so neurotic; it wasn't like me. I'm never neurotic. But this weekend, I had wanted so much for Josh's friends to like me, and for us to get closer, I was being hypersensitive to everything.
So I just let myself sink into the kiss, rubbing the back of Josh's head, thinking that everything could go away for awhile, when suddenly, Justin shouts out back at us from the living room.
"Well, does he want to or not!?! What's taking you so long!?"
We stopped, regretfully.
"He says he's too tired," shouted Josh back, coming around the back of the couch and sitting next to me.
"How come he can't tell me himself?" shouted Justin, sounding nearer. Immediately Josh moved down the couch, separating us by a cushion, when Justin strolled in. He didn't have a shirt on.
"What are you guys doing?" he said, putting his hands on his hips.
"Talking," I said, at the same time that Josh said "Nothing." I glanced at him, and saw that he was turning red. I rolled my eyes. If I left it up to Josh, our little "secret romance" wouldn't last five minutes. He looked so guilty, anyone would have suspected something. Why couldn't he just not worry about things?
"What movie?" I said, glancing at my watch, as if we hadn't just been about to be caught doing something...
"I dunno...Come look at all of Josh's DVD's," he said before giving a strange, suspicious look at Josh, then turning around and heading back to the den.
After glancing at Josh again, who was now turning red with embarrassment, and was staring intently into the floor, I got up and followed Justin into the den, glancing around Josh' pace, trying to get a bearing of where I was so I wouldn't be lost later. I would talk to Josh later, when it wouldn't be so conspicuous.
Justin led me into the den, and closed the door behind me.
"So where are they?" I asked, glancing around at the bookshelves that lined the small room.
"Just shut the fuck up. I don't want to watch a damn movie with you," he snarled, his eyes glaring up at me. I wasn't surprised at the sudden hostility that came with the absence of Josh. I guessed that Josh's yelling at him in the car had prompted the sudden friendliness whenever Josh was around, because Justin didn't want to look like a bad guy to his friend. Still, why was he so angry with me? If anything, I should be mad at him.
"Then what do you want?" I said evenly. There was no use getting all worked up.
"You're together, aren't you, you and Josh?" he said, taking me completely by surprise. Damn it! How did he know? Josh and I should have been more careful, how could he have figured it out so soon?!? I had been here less than a whole day!
"What do you mean, together?" I said evasively, hoping to delay the inevitable. OK, so he had guessed. Josh and I were too obvious.
"Don't fucking play dumb, you know exactly what I mean!" he said, pointing at me.
I stayed silent.
"I know Josh's gay, but I never figured you were a fag," he retorted, a smile crossing his stupid face.
"I'm not with Josh, we're just friends," I said coolly, enjoying the quiver of doubt that crossed Justin's face. I said it pretty convincingly too, like I said I'm pretty practiced at lies. When I'm put on the spot, I can't lie worth shit, but I wasn't intimidated by Justin. I was in control here, not him.
"I'm not gay either. Why would you think we're together?" I said, giving him half a laugh, to emphasize how "ridiculous" the idea of us was.
"Yes you are, I can fucking tell," he insisted, but he looked slightly uncertain. My confidence rising, I took a step towards him.
"You can tell what?" I said, challenging him, a smile crossing my lips. This was fun.
Justin looked really uncertain now. His confidence had taken a downfall, and now he just looked plain confused.
"That...you...and Josh...well, you hang around a lot," he said quickly, as if that proved anything.
"Yeah, cause we're friends, and I don't know anyone else in town," I said smoothly.
"So you're not...not...," he said, staring me in the eye. I stared at him back.
"No. I have half a mind to kick your ass for thinking it though," I said, taking another step toward him.
"Stay the fuck away from me!" he exclaimed, his bravado returning full stride.
"Relax, dude, I'm not gong to do anything," I said, holding up my hands defensively.
"I know what's going on here," he said, even though he knew absolutely nothing. "And I am warning you, you had better stay away from Josh," he said resolutely.
This caught me off guard.
"Stay away from him, what do you mean?"
"He's really vulnerable, and he's been acting so lonely and miserable. He was all excited when he found out you were coming out to see him, and I think he thinks you're interested," said Justin, calming down enough to give me an honest answer. The irony was sickening: Justin had mistaken Josh's loneliness for despair, and thought that I was leading Josh on? Hardly. Still, what could I say?
"I don't think so, we're just friends," I said, although my stomach dropped to hear the words come from my mouth. We weren't "just friends with benefits", as I wanted to keep pretending we were. I found myself wanting to spend time with him more than just someone I could hang out with, then mess around with later. I didn't want to be friends, I wanted to be more than that, but I also wanted things to go slowly. I wanted everything to be relaxed, and I was tired of long-term relationships: they hadn't worked in the past, why would I want to start a new one right now?
Unfortunately, Justin was right. Josh wanted a lot more out of the relationship than I did. I thought that his excitement was cute, but maybe there was more urgency in him. He had never been in a long-term relationship: maybe he wanted to try with me, and I wasn't ready. I was barely here a day! Why couldn't I just have a while to think about this?
"Is that all you wanted?" I said finally, deciding not to think about it, a fatalist philosophy, but at least I could clear my head.
"No, I wanted to tell you something else."
Jeez, I lied! I said I was introducing a new character and didn't! well, I guess it'll have to wait, or this chapter will never get posted. Email me at scottiescot@hotmail.com