A confession of mine. It's something I've always wanted to get off my chest and say, but our of fear of what those around me would say I never could. It has a little bit to do with another story I wrote, and some of the feeling I had as a child that I used in another story as well. It is a true story. When you are done, please email me and tell me what you think
bard.crow@gmail.com
My first interests in cross dressing occurred really early in life. I always had this desire to be a girl, ever since I was little. For some reason I felt out of place as a child. Not that I was or am gay. It's weird. I'm not in denial or anything, I am genuinely attracted to women mainly. But I felt that my body was wrong.
At first it was simply stealing a garment here and there from my mother and wearing it in the bathroom when nobody was around. At the time I was interested in dimply, loose summer dresses, panties and having breasts.
This started when I was around 10 or 11.
My first indulgence in cross dressing was when a family friend left her bathing suit behind at out house. It was a one piece, suit and it was in my bathroom for a while. During the summer I was left alone at home and I would take it and look at myself in the mirror while wearing it. It took me a few tried to actually put it on. My heart would start racing, my head felt light and my penis would swell and throb as I slid it slowly up my leg. It tickled as is dragged across my pale, hairless legs and gently hugged my body as a pulled it up my body and snapped the straps in place. My tiny little cock and balls bulges our slightly in the front, so I would use a little duck tape before I put it on to keep it tucked down. It was hard because I would get so excited and the tape would not keep it in place. This was before I learned what sexual arousal was as well, so I also never masturbated either. I'd just stare and play around with it under my clothes.
Eventually it had to go back and it was a few years before I worked up the nerve to start stealing my mother's clothes. I started with bras, placing water balloons to fill the massive DD cups and then her sweaters and panties and eventually her dresses and makeup. I liked being pretty.
I almost got caught a few times but I managed to fake a slow digestive system and would hole up in the bathroom to dress and stow the stolen clothes behind a drawer in my bathroom until I could sneak them back.
I had a friend who'd also come over and share my cross dressing activities. The summer when I was 11 or 12 he'd admitted to dressing up in his sister's clothes. His sister was a little older than us and he'd bring some of her clothes for us to share. We'd play in her clothes for a while, then he'd take her stuff back and go home for the rest of the day. I used to love this flowered sundress as my favorite. It was white with pink flowers. I'd wear it while we played video games in my room. I didn't wear any boxers or panties while wearing it. My cock and bottom felt nice in the cool breeze.
I think my friend was gay. Eventually we started experimenting. First it was just him changing in front of me. Then he's flip up his dress and let his erection poke out of his panties or just whiped it out of his pants and start touching it and rubbing it while we played video game until it calmed down. I started doing it too. I remember my penis being quite a bit smaller than his actually. At first he'd make fun of me, but then he'd start touching it. It felt weird having some one else touch it, but it felt thrilling at the time.
After a couple of years of this when we were 15 we began to experiment in anal sex after school one day. I received first. It hurt, and he came in my ass. I ended up getting a blow job from him. It really was perverted, the two of us spending out time wearing stolen clothes from his sister and fucking each other almost every day. I still don't consider myself bisexual, bust open to a lot of things.
I did this until I was about sixteen and then stopped. He moved away and I went five years without touching another article of women's clothing. Not because I was a afraid or hurt, but because I just felt I needed to stop before I got caught.
When I was 21 I started it again when I was left home alone quite a bit more often and for several days at a time. I started stealing my mother's stuff again and wearing it under my clothes. Mostly just panties and skirts. Masturbation was a ritual. I'd steal a skirt, a night pair of panties, a sweater and bra and spend 3 or 4 hours on the computer looking at lesbian porn. This lasted only a year before the novelty wore off and stopped it all together. But two years later, here I am in my own place. Free to dress or do most anything I want.
Yeah, I'm a pervert. As I write this I haven't worn anything in two days except a diaper. No, I'm not suddenly going to turn this into a scat fetish story. Like anyone who spends too much time on the computer, normal porn became boring. I started at looking at trannies, men, cartoon and anime porn and weird fetishes. Wearing a big pink, poofy an crinkly diaper thrilled me like I was 10 and putting on that one piece suit again. Night gowns, Bras, panties, dresses, makeup, diapers, teddy bears and bottles, camisoles, breast molds, sex toys, nudism. I've slowly spiraling into a mess of desires.
I want to be a woman with all my heart, to grow up a girl and live as a woman. I know I'll never be one, and at some time I'll have to stop for good. But for right now, I'm actually happy wallowing in my pit of perversion.
bard.crow@gmail.com