My Boy Jon
Chapter 3:
"Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit!! Oh God that hurt!"
I slowly dragged myself onto the shore, about 30 feet from the base of the waterfall. Something was wrong with my ankle. I think I may have broken it during the fall. But what sucks is that, unfortunately, I'm not dead. Fucking great. I looked down at my watch again. 1:00 pm.
The harsh reality of what I had just attempted began to hit me, hard. I pulled my knees up to my chest and gently rolled over. My ankle hurt like a bitch and I knew I wouldn't be walking anytime soon. I was soaking wet, and I was cold. My phone was at the top of the cliff and I had no way of getting it back. Even if I survived the fall from the top of the cliff, I would surely be dead by tomorrow either from the cold, the hunger, or the wolves. Who knows?
The sun was starting to peek through the fog in small patches. There was a sun patch a few feet away and I decided to drag my body towards it. I figured the extra heat would make me live just a little longer. I gently dropped myself back down, and curled up into a little ball. I was just so tired. All the stress that had gone on today was taking its toll on me. I was ready for a nap.
A few hours after I fell asleep, I heard the sound of voices in the distance. I opened my eyes and looked up towards the top of the waterfall. I could see some lights coming from a large group of people. I couldn't distinguish what they were saying. All I know is they were probably looking for me.
Honestly, I probably didn't have much time left. There was a searing pain in my ankle, I was freezing, shivering violently, and I was so hungry. I think the hunger was the worst.
It didn't take much time for someone to notice my phone was sitting on the ground a few feet from the edge of the cliff, still open from the phone call. It was then that the police remembered the Jon boy saying something about Brent jumping. They flashed their lights down the waterfall and sent a few people to search the area. It wasn't very long until a guy saw my body curled up not too far away. The man ran over to me, and started asking me questions, but I wasn't exactly coherent. I was fading in and out of consciousness. The last thing I remember was this guy lifting me up and yelling that he'd found me.
I didn't know how long time had passed but I knew there shouldn't be this many people in my room. I knew I wasn't in the hospital because it didn't smell like floor cleaner and death. It just smelled normal. And my bed was too comfy and too warm. I'm pretty sure that at some point I'd been in the hospital because my ankle didn't feel as bad, but felt extremely heavy. I didn't want to open my eyes because I couldn't bear seeing who was in my room and facing their disappointment.
All of a sudden I felt a hand on my leg, and I didn't know what to do.
"Buddy, it's just me. I kicked everyone else out when I saw you stirring."
Oh no. Shit. It was Jon. I rolled over and buried my face into the pillow.
"Why, buddy? Why?"
"Jon, just leave." My eyes weren't leaving the darkness of the pillow. I couldn't bear to see the bruises and cuts on his face that were left over from the fight I caused.
"No Brent, I'm not leaving. You're on 48 hour suicide watch. What were you thinking?"
"Jon, please, just go. Send Jessie or Matt up."
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea. They're pretty pissed. They still love you, but you scared them buddy. You scared everyone. You really scared me. Why'd you do it?"
"Jon, you wouldn't understand."
"Well, if you aren't going to tell me why, I'm just going to have to stay here forever, because I'm not leaving till I know why you would be so stupid."
"Is that it? I'm stupid? I see how it is."
"Yeah, Brent. That was the dumbest thing you've ever done. That was selfish and cruel. You had no right to scare us all like that."
"Jon, shut the fuck up. You have no idea what's going on."
"Of course I don't! You won't fucking tell me anything!"
"Get the fuck out of my room Jon. I don't want to see you anymore."
"Fine! You know what? Fuck you Brent!" And with that he was gone. He got up, walked over to the door, opened it, and slammed it harder than anyone has ever done before. As soon as the door closed, the tears came back. It started out slowly, just a few tears, but sooner than I would have liked the tears came streaming out. And then the door opened, and Matt was there. He sat down on the bed and started rubbing my back. I just sat there with my face in the pillow and silently wept as Matt did his best to calm me down. It wasn't really working and I just kept feeling more and more pathetic.
Meanwhile, Jon was storming down the stairs and just as he was about to rip the door off its hinges on the way out, Lizzie stopped him.
"Jon, what happened?"
"Brent's just being a little bitch. I don't know what's up and he won't fucking tell me. It's a fucking slap to the face. I thought we were close than that, and all this shit has proved to me he doesn't trust me. It's bullshit!"
"Jon, Jon, calm down. Breathe. What just happened?"
"Well you were there when we were all up in Brent's room. I was watching him when I saw him starting to stir. That's when I kicked everyone out, because I wanted to talk to him alone. When I started talking to him, he just turned over and shut me out. I kept trying to ask him why he jumped but he kept saying ÔYou wouldn't understand'. I started getting angry because my best friend wouldn't tell me what was so bad about his life that he would do this. I ended up calling him stupid and selfish and to fuck off. Then I left and that's where you caught me."
"Jon, no offense, but that was probably the worst thing you could have done."
"What makes you so sure?! You don't know anything about Brent."
"I know a whole lot more than you do."
"About What, Lizzie?! What do you know that I don't?"
"I know that Brent loves you a whole lot more than you think."
Right then Jessie came into the room. She put her hand on Jon's shoulder and nodded.
"We didn't want to tell you," she said, "because we thought Brent would just grow out of it. We never thought it would become this bad. We all just assumed it would pass, that he'd meet someone else and forget about you. But I guess we were wrong."
"Okay, even if you guys are right about Brent Ôloving' me, why wouldn't he tell me that?"
"Seriously? Jon, if you were gay and you loved your straight best friend, how do you think you'd feel if they knew that you were crushing on them every time you talked to them?"
"Uncomfortable, awkward, I don't know."
"Exactly. He probably was just afraid."
"Jon," Jessie said, "I think you should go back upstairs and talk to him."
"No, I think I should leave. I said some things to Brent that I probably shouldn't have."
"No," Lizzie said, taking a hold of my hand. "We should go talk to him."
"I don't think that's a good idea. I'm just going to head home."
"Really Jon? You're just going to leave?"
"Guys, it's not a good time."
"Jon, stop being so pathetic."
"No. I'm leaving." And with that, he was gone.
At the same time upstairs, Matt was trying to get me to talk again, but he wanted to know about Jon.
"Brent, what did you say to him?" Matt asked, still rubbing my back. By this time I had stopped crying but was still facing my pillow.
"Nothing. I didn't tell him anything?"
"Then why'd he blow up like that?"
"Because I wouldn't tell him why I jumped."
"Do you want to tell me?"
"No Matt. I doubt you'd understand. I don't even understand. I guess I was just so upset about what happened between me and Chris and Jon at schoolÉ"
"What happened at school?"
"Well, right after you dropped me off, I walked into the door and ran into Chris. Chris is some guy who has a problem with me. I don't really know what his deal is. But he started saying some shit about me being gay and when I walked away, he grabbed me and shoved me against a wall. After I broke away, he followed me through the doors, hit me in the back of the head, and tripped me." By this point I had started crying again.
"When I was pinned down, out of nowhere, Jon came flying and tackled Chris to the ground. But Chris is stronger that Jon, and eventually Jon was under Chris and Chris was punching his face in."
"Go on, please," Matt said.
"Once I saw the blood start pouring out of Jon's nose, I got really scared and upset. It started to get to me, because my baby was getting beaten up, all because of me. And I'm worthless. Why would he do that for me? It's not like he loves me. I know he doesn't. So why would he do that, get himself hurt? It was too much for me to handle, so I ran away. I just left him there!" Now I was really crying.
"So why did you jump off the cliff?"
"Because I wasn't sure if Jon was even alive! I just left him for dead, because I'm weak! I was just so upset and I knew that Jon would hate me if he survived, and I just couldn't handle that anymore. So I jumped."
"Ok. I think I understand. You were afraid to lose Jon."
"Uh huh." And I broke down again.
I was wandering around the woods aimlessly again. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I looked at my watch, and noticed it was about 3:30 am. I knew I shouldn't have been out here alone because of the suicide watch, but I couldn't take the constant vigilance. I couldn't deal with Jessie or Matt or Lizzie in my room 24/7. It was too much. So as soon as Matt passed out on the cot, I opened my window and snuck out to the woods. There was so much I had to deal with. And then there was the insanely complex problem that was my boy Jon.
It's been four days since my "incident" at home, and so far Jon's been avoiding me. I don't know what to do. He won't sit near me during classes, and when I try to catch him at the end of class, he's already half way down the hall. I'm actually starting to get pissed off. I understand that I put him under a lot of stress, but I don't understand why he's completely avoiding me. I just assumed after his freak out that he'd cool down and come back and talk to me. But something happened and now he's completely distant. I don't know what I'm going to do. Oh well. I looked at my watch again. A half hour had passed. 4:00 am. I guess I should head back home.