Disclaimer: Don't read this if your not supposed to. This story doesn't mean to imply anything about the real life people described herein.
Notes are at the end.
+++++++++++++ My REALLY, REALLY Big Break (Damn, I'm a Lucky Bastard) Part 7 - Making a 'MONKery' of Things +++++++++++++ The end of the last chapter...
"And you and he got down and dirty." I said, again going for bluntness. He nodded again, and at least had the decency to shed a few tears.
"You do know what this means for us, don't you?" I said calmly.
"No, please, it won't happen again, please, I love you."
"DON'T YOU DARE!" I yelled at him as I got up and walked across the room. "Don't you even say that to me." He got up and came over to me, putting his hand on my arm.
"Nick, please, don't do this."
"Don't touch me," I growled, "You lost the right to touch me when you fucked another guy." He cringed and took his hand away.
"Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It just happened. I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking clearly. Please don't do this." He rambled on. Truthfully, I zoned him out after the 'I was drunk' part. That always bothered me - that excuse. I've been drunk, but I've always managed to keep it in my pants, or at least had the decency to sleep with my boyfriend.
"We're over, Lance."
"NO! Please it won't happen again. I promise."
"You just said the absolute worst things you could've said. Lance," He noticed I had switched from James to Lance, "I used to be in a relationship where I was cheated on. When I was cheated on the first time, he told me he loved me, and I thought I loved him. He told me he wouldn't do it again. He promised. I believed him - why shouldn't I have, I loved him, and he loved me - it was just a stupid mistake. It wouldn't happen again.
"Then when it did, he told me the same things again. Only this time he loved me, and he promised, but also that he would change. And again, I stayed with him. And he did it again, and again, until I finally woke up and said to myself, 'What the hell are you still doing here?' I left him and promised myself that I would never let myself be in a relationship like that again. You knew from the beginning that I didn't - wouldn't - tolerate cheating. I'm sorry, but I think it's better if you leave."
His shoulders slumped down; he knew he wasn't going to win this one. So, he turned and slowly made his way to the door. He glanced back once, I guess to make sure that I wasn't going to change my mind, then he left. And I broke down.
++++++++++++++++++ Part 7 Starts Now... ++++++++++++++++++
After crying for a while, I finally calmed down enough to be a little rational, and I decided that I needed the advice of a friend. So I decided to call my best friend from home. We talked for a while and I decided what I needed to do. I went to sleep that night thinking about the big change that was about to come in my life. The next morning I woke up with a cleared head. I was sure that I was making the right decision. So I packed up all my stuff, made my travel arrangements, and then headed down to breakfast in JC's room.
Tense was the word of the day. Lance was already there - and it seemed like most everybody was ignoring him. As I stepped in everyone's heads turned to look at me - I guess to see how I was doing. I ignored their stares and went right to the food carts and filled up a plate. Breakfast was mostly silent. Unlike other mornings where jokes were in abundance, there was silence. As I noticed everyone finishing up their breakfast, I decided now was the time to let them in on my news.
"Everybody, I have something I need to tell you." I said. After I was sure I had everybody's attention, I continued. "I'm leaving the tour."
"WHAT?" was the general reaction from everyone.
"I spoke to a good friend last night and she helped me get through some stuff and I can't stay on tour anymore," I said.
"What are you talking about? Have you run this by Phil yet?" Mary asked.
"No, Phil doesn't know yet."
"He'll never let you out of touring - we've got a contract to uphold."
"I don't care. I'm leaving the music industry."
"What? What are you going to do?" Alex asked.
"I'm moving to Tibet."
"Tibet?! What the hell is in Tibet?"
"Monasteries."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Alex asked.
"Are you insane?" Tina interjected helpfully.
"I'm perfectly sane, thank you. I've just decided that I can't take dating anymore. My friend pointed out to me how bad my track record has been and I decided that this was the way to go."
"Is your friend insane?" Tina asked annoyed.
"No - well, no more so than you are."
"Um, well, when do you leave?" Justin asked.
"You don't have a problem with this at all?!" Tina asked him.
"It's his life. It's an, um, interesting choice, but it is his to make." Justin responded.
"Thank you, and the limo is taking me to the airport in about a half an hour."
So for the next little while, I fielded questions about my decision, and then it was time to say goodbye.
"Bye guys and gals, I love you all." I hugged each of them, then made my way to the door. As I walked out the door, I pondered aloud, "I wonder if I'll see Brad Pitt..."
EPILOGUE
Three years later I'm still in Tibet - you know this monk thing is really hard. And I still haven't seen Brad Pitt...
THE END.
JUST KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!! Ignore EVERYTHING you read above (except the part 6 stuff, that is still real...) - it was just a joke!!!!!! +++++++++++++++++++++ And now, for the REAL part 7... Part 7 - The Aftermath +++++++++++++++++++++
At some point I fell asleep, or passed out, if you will. I awoke sometime later to a light tapping on the door, but I ignored it. Whoever it was knocked again after a minute, but then, after not getting a response again, they left me alone. I rolled over and went back to sleep.
I woke up early the next morning, around 5, and couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and stumbled to the bathroom to take a shower. After waking myself up in the shower, I got dressed and decided that I needed to get out of the hotel for a while. So I headed down to the lobby, stopping by the front desk to leave a message for Mary telling her that I wouldn't be at breakfast, and that I'd meet them at the venue.
I headed out to the street and picked a direction. I didn't really care which way I went, since I didn't really know the city we were in, and it was only about 6 in the morning. I figured that it was a perfect time for thinking, but not a very good time for site seeing. So I just started walking. Our hotel was located in center city, so I didn't really think that I'd have a problem getting a taxi when I finally did need one, plus I figured that there should be some coffee shop open that wasn't too far away.
I was right - I found an open coffee shop less than six blocks from the hotel. Now I don't really drink coffee, but coffee shops are great places to sit down for a while and think things through - for some reason, people tend to leave you alone at coffee shops. You sit there with your coffee on the table and can look out over the street, or read a newspaper, or just stare off into space and they leave you alone - which is definitely what I was looking for that morning.
So I went into the shop and ordered a bagel and a small coffee and took a seat. It wasn't long after that my coffee and bagel were brought out to me. I sat there and ate my bagel and looked at my coffee and thought about the most recent development in my shitty love life.
I thought about how maybe it was just a mistake - a HUGE one in my book - but a mistake none-the-less. He said he loved me, although that could have been just to try to smooth things over. After all he didn't say it before he left, or even before I found out about his little fling. The hard part in this is that I loved him - at least I thought I did.
The problem with the whole situation was my way of trusting people. I am a very trusting person by nature, but it's burned me before - badly. So now, although I still tend to trust someone very quickly, if - no, in my life it has been a 'when' - they burn me they have a very hard time regaining my trust. I basically close them off - much like I did to Lance last night. I didn't hear his excuses, I didn't want to - he betrayed my trust, and I wrote him off nearly immediately. But maybe that wasn't the best thing to do. Lance is a very caring person, sure he messed up, but we all do at some point or another.
Maybe I should try to work things out with him. He hurt me badly, but I think I hurt him badly last night by doing what I did. And, judging by the look in his eyes last night, he was truly sorry for what he'd done.
God, I'm rationalizing what he did - just like I did with my other boyfriend -but Lance is not him. I have to keep remembering that - they're not the same. Lance cares about me a hell of a lot more than anyone I've gone out with - and a big plus for him is that I can't see him going psycho on me anytime soon.
I came out of my little thinking session and looked at my coffee. It was no longer steaming, so I looked at my watch to see what time it was - going on 9:00, I had been sitting in the coffee shop for almost three hours. I had to get to the venue.
+++++ Meanwhile at the hotel... +++++
Breakfast was in JC's room this morning. JC was just finishing up in the bathroom when he heard a knock at the door.
"Come on in, it's open," he yelled from the bathroom.
"Hey JC, how are you this morning?" Mary asked after walking in.
"Alright, though I'm not sure that Lance is ever going to speak to me again," he said walking back into the main room.
"I heard him yelling at you, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, he flipped on me pretty badly. But I had to do what I did - I'm Nick's friend too, and I'm not sure that Lance would have told Nick if I didn't say something, and that's just not right."
"Lance will get over it, and so will Nick. Speaking of whom, he won't be here this morning - he left a while ago for a walk or something, he'll meet us at the stadium."
"How's he doing?"
"I don't know. Alex tried to see how he was last night, but he didn't get any response, either Nick was ignoring his knocking, or didn't hear it."
"Well, he wasn't too happy when he, um, asked us to leave, so it could've been either."
"'Asked us to leave' - that's one way to put it," they both shared a little chuckle, then there was another knock at the door.
JC opened the door to find the room service carts. He signed for the food and pulled the carts into the room. Alex and Tina followed the carts in.
"Morning," Alex said through a yawn.
"Hey, how are we this morning?" Mary asked.
"OK, anybody heard from Nick?" Tina responded.
"He went out for a walk, he'll meet us at the stadium."
"Food's ready so help yourselves," JC said.
They all filled up plates, and the others started arriving soon after. Lance was the last to arrive, and he didn't look so good. The others looked at him with concerned eyes, but didn't really know what to say to help him out. So they chose not to say anything. That was fine by Lance, which everyone else figured out, when he sat alone as far away from everyone else as the room allowed.
Everyone, except Lance, tried to make light conversation, but there was still a noticeable tension in the air. When everyone was finished with breakfast, Mary announced that they had to get to the venue shortly, and for everyone to meet in the lobby in fifteen minutes. Everyone groaned, but shuffled out to their rooms to get ready anyway.
Before Lance could go, however, he was pulled aside by JC.
"What do you want," Lance asked shortly.
"To say that I'm sorry. I still think what I did was right, but, despite what you may think, I didn't do it to hurt you."
"Fine, was there anything else?"
JC sighed, "No, I guess that's it." With that Lance left JC's room. "This is going to be a fun day..." JC sighed while rubbing his temples.
+++++
I got to the venue about 9:30, apparently, just after everyone else. T & A were still walking to the door, which JC was holding open for them; I guessed everyone else was already inside. When the three of them saw me approaching, Alex let go of Tina's hand and said something quietly to her. He slowed while she kept walking. When she got to the door, she motioned for JC to follow her inside.
Alex came to a stop and waited for me to get up to him. I was in no rush, I pretty much knew what was coming, and, although the caring was sweet, I had just spent a while thinking about last night, and I really didn't want to dwell on it. But, I knew that in the end it was going to happen, so I just went with the flow.
"Hi Alex, what's up?" I asked as I got closer to him.
"I'm good, how are you holding up?" He asked concerned.
"I'm doing OK, been better, been worse. How's Lance?"
He laughed a little at my question. "You're unbelievable - but to answer your question, I don't really know. He didn't look like he got much sleep, but none of us really asked because, well, he didn't seem in the talking mood."
"Well, are we ready to go in, or are we doing the concert out here tonight?"
"Unless there was some big change Mary forgot to inform us of, I think we're still doing it inside, so, yeah, I guess we're ready. You sure you're going to be OK?"
"I'm sure, thank you."
Just after getting inside, we were whisked away to the stage for our sound check and practice and all that shit. Mine went pretty well, and was over quickly. The same couldn't be said for the guys, however. Lance was getting reamed pretty badly by Darren, the choreographer. And, although, he did seem like he started trying a LITTLE harder after a while, he wasn't anywhere near where he usually was. The rest of the guys were trying to be supportive and understanding, but could only take so much and were starting to turn on him as well.
I decided that I'd try to make everyone's day a little better. So I went up and talked with Darren briefly.
"Can I have a few minutes with Lance?" I asked Darren.
"Is it going to help him on this routine?"
"It might."
"EVERYBODY TAKE TEN!" Darren yelled.
"Thanks."
I saw Lance start walking off the stage into the wings so I went to follow him. I passed Joey, who had just decided to collapse where he was, with Chris not too far away.
"Am I dead yet?" I heard Joey ask Chris.
"I hope not, 'cause if you are, then I am too, and I hope that death is a lot more painless than this is."
Lance was walking fast, and I had to run if I wanted to catch up with him.
"LANCE! Can I talk to you for a minute?" I called up to him, before I lost him. He slowed and dropped his head. I took that as a yes.
"Can we go find somewhere a little more private than the hallway?" I asked him.
"The rest of the guys are still out front, we can use my dressing room." He said.
We slowly walked down the corridors until we came to a door marked "N Sync - No Unauthorized Personnel Beyond This Point." He opened the door and motioned for me to come in. He sat on one of the couches in the room, while I chose a folding chair, which I moved to face him.
"Lance, look, I don't really know how to say this, so I guess I'm just gonna say it. I, well, I made a mistake. I was really angry with you last night and I said some things that I probably shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I'd still like us to be together, if that's okay with you?"
He just looked at me. I'm not sure what was going on in his head, but I think he thought I was joking.
"What?" He asked.
"I made a mistake, can we get back together?"
"But what about what I did?"
"Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still mighty pissed about that, but I thought about it this morning. I decided that I think I'm in love with you, and that love should be worth fighting for, right?"
"You want to get back together? With me?"
"Yes, I want to get back together, but no, not with you, with Justin - of course with you - man, you seemed a lot smarter last week!"
"Shut up!" He blushed. "I would really love to get back together, I am SO sorry about what I did, it'll never happen again."
"It better not! Or else I know a favorite body part of yours that will turn up missing."
We leaned forward and our lips met in a passionate kiss, which deepened, and deepened, and, if possible, deepened some more. The kiss continued until we heard a pounding on the door. By that time, I was on the couch with Lance, laying on top of him, both of us panting heavily.
"WHAT!?" Lance yelled at the door.
"You're needed back on stage Mr. Bass." Justin's voice came through the door.
"OKAY! Just give me a minute, Okay?"
"Fine. One minute, and I'm counting! One... Two... Three..." He yelled through the door.
"That's gonna get annoying" I told Lance. Lance chuckled, "Gonna? It already is, which of course is his goal." "Of course." "Fifteen... Sixteen..." "JUSTIN! Can you count a little quieter?" I yelled through the door. "NOPE! Nineteen... Twenty..."
"I guess we're gonna have to finish this later..." I said.
"I guess..."
"So why don't you go out there on that stage, and do a little better this time, so that we can get back to this as soon as we can?"
"Sounds good to me." Lance said happily.
"Forty-five... Forty-six... Forty-seven..."
"On the other hand, we might as well wait, just to make sure that Justin can actually count to sixty..." I said with a grin. We sat back on the couch waiting for Justin to get to sixty, and then barge on in. Both of us knew it was coming.
"Fifty-nine... SIXTY!" And he came rushing in with his hand over his eyes. "Is it safe to look?"
Lance and I laughed then threw the couch pillows at him.
"I'll talk to you later..." I said to Lance.
"Later..." He said, then gave me a quick kiss before heading out with Justin.
I heard Justin ask if everything was okay between Lance and I just before they were out of earshot.
++++++++++++++++++
To be continued...
The end is still near children. I just didn't get to where I needed to yet. The next part probably won't be out for a while as I work for a school district and they start school next week, so my schedule is about to get a lot more hectic than it already is.
Sorry this part took so long, but I hadn't realized how much time had gone by since the last time I posted until I looked for my directory on Nifty the other night.
Thanks to anyone who is still reading!
E-mail me if you liked it or didn't or whatever! Writermurf@hotmail.com or bmurphy@quik.com - I don't care which you use.
Till next time...