Disclaimer: Don't read this if your not supposed to. This story doesn't mean to imply anything about the real life people described herein.
Notes are at the end.
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My REALLY, REALLY Big Break (Damn, I'm a Lucky Bastard) Part 6 - Snowed In
+++++++++++++ The end of the last chapter...
"Can you forgive me?" Lance asked.
"Only if you forgive me," I responded
"Done," he said.
"Wanna kiss and makeup?" I asked grinning.
He didn't answer, he just took a quick glance around the room, to make sure there wasn't anyone there we didn't know, then leaned in and kissed me. At first it started out as a light makeup kiss, but then it started getting heavier. And we started sinking. But neither of us broke the kiss or made any attempt to stop us from submerging. So we kept on kissing until we needed air, and had to resurface.
When we came up everyone was laughing at us. I pulled away from Lance a little and said,
"There's only one other thing..."
"What?"
"This!" I said as I dunked him under the water. He came up a few seconds later and I was off.
"Bastard!" he yelled as he tried to catch up to me, but I had too much of a lead on him. I got to the wall and thought I was safe. That was until Joey appeared to my right, Chris to my left, and Lance in front of me. Despite my vice-like grip on the wall, they managed to pull me off of it and dunked me. That just started a big dunking war as everyone was dunking everyone else. At first it started as an 'N Sync -vs- Nick Mason and crew thing, but it didn't take too long to turn into a free- for-all. I made it a point to get JC and Alex a few times, to make up for earlier.
After a while, we decided to call it a truce and get out of the pool. We had a concert tonight, and we had to get to the arena to finish up some stuff.
The concert when well as they usually do, and afterwards we were off to another city again. This was getting old. But at least the tour was about to go on break for a little while.
++++++++++++++++++ Part 6 Starts Now... ++++++++++++++++++
Another week, another four concerts in four different cities. Tiring is a word that comes to mind. But anyway, 'N Sync has an appearance to make at MTV's Snowed In, so the tour is going on break for about a week and a half. They're leaving tonight. They're getting back on the bus, which will drive them to Big Bear Lake, Cali. As for me and my dancers, we're flying back to LA tomorrow morning so that they can get a week off, and I can begin to prepare for my next album.
Lance and I are fine. After our little "thing," we made up in front of the guys, then made up again later on without them. That was fun. Nothing too heavy, just a lot of kissing and a fair amount of fondling, but we stopped before I got uncomfortable.
So he's leaving. For a little over a week. We can handle that. It's no biggie. I hope. Although it's only been a short time, I feel very strongly for him. It's not love - not yet, anyway. I'm very picky about who I use that word with. He hasn't said "I love you" to me yet either. I'm thankful for that. You know, when one person in the relationship says it, there is a certain amount of pressure for the other to say it as well. I'm not ready to say it, so I won't, but I also don't want to hurt him by not saying it back. But, like I said, I haven't faced that - yet.
"Nick?" someone said.
"Huh?" was my intelligent reply.
"You okay?" Lance asked concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I was just thinking."
"Oh, okay, anything important?"
"Nah, just zoning."
"Cool, well, look, we have to leave in a couple of hours, so you wanna go out a grab a bite?"
"Sure, where do you wanna go?"
"The concierge told me about this little restaurant down the street - nothing really fancy, but it is supposed to be quiet, and I'm told the food is very good."
"Sounds good, when do you wanna go?"
"How about in like a half hour? I wanna take a shower first."
"Okay. You go grab a shower and I'll get changed. I'm gonna head over to JC's to get a chance to say bye, so come and get me when you're ready."
I changed and headed over to JC's room where pretty much everyone else was. We chatted about their week at Snowed In and how many times they were gonna face-plant while snowboarding. Lance appeared at the doorway right on time. I told the guys that, just in case I didn't see them later to have a good time, and not get hurt, cause an opening act is pretty useless without the headliners. JC and Helmet both threw pillows at me for that one both hit Lance, who wasn't paying as much attention as I was.
After the pillows were 'returned' to their owners, Lance and I headed out to dinner. The ride down to the lobby was pretty much silent. Neither of us felt the need to talk, we were just comfortable being with each other. We walked down the street to the restaurant - it was a nice evening, and the restaurant wasn't but a few blocks away.
When we got there, Lance gave the maitre'd his name and we were seated immediately at a secluded little table in the back. We thanked him and he left.
"This is a nice little place." I commented as I looked around.
"Yes, it is." Lance agreed as the waiter approached our table.
"Can I start you gentlemen off with something to drink?" He asked.
"Yes, can we get a bottle of Chardonnay?" Lance asked.
"Sure. I'll give you a chance to look over the menu while I get you your drinks."
"Thank you." Lance said as the waiter made his exit.
There was an easy silence as we took a moment to look over the menu. Lance put his menu down a minute later.
"What are you getting?" I asked still looking over my menu.
"The Chicken Alfredo."
"Oh, not the Chicken Caesar Salad?"
"Nah, not tonight. How about you?"
"Not sure, yet. I'm trying to decide between the Manicotti and the Lasagna."
"Aren't they pretty much the same thing?" He giggled.
"Kinda, I guess."
The waiter came back with the wine and asked us if we were ready. I said we were and Lance gave his order. I decided on the Manicotti. And the waiter made his exit again to put the order in.
"So, I guess I'm sleeping alone tonight..." I sighed.
"You better be!" Lance laughed.
"And what about you?"
"I'm gonna shack up with Justin." He said straight- faced.
"Oh really?"
"Yup."
"Boy, Justin really gets around in your group doesn't he?"
"What?" Lance asked confused.
"Well, the other night he was gonna go out with JC."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"He told me the other day that he and JC had a date. Apparently he pulled out at the last minute."
"Is that so?"
"Yup, so do you think he's gay?"
"No."
"But what do you know, you didn't believe that I was gay either." I said with a dismissive gesture.
"Hey! You told me you weren't - what was I supposed to believe. Even some straight guys come off feminine."
"What!?" I said almost choking on my wine, "Are you calling me feminine?"
"We'll you are a little."
"Excuse me, pansy-ass, have you ever seen yourself on TV?" I laughed, "You couldn't write 'GAY' any bigger on your forehead."
"I do not come off gay on TV," he said shortly.
"The hell you don't - did you see yourself on Rosie singing that song from Grease?! My God, if your fans didn't know you were gay before, they sure did after."
"Whatever. Can we just drop it."
"Fine."
There was now an uneasy silence. What was only meant as a little fun poking, turned ugly pretty quickly, didn't it? He didn't really look at me, and I didn't really look at him. Finally the silence and the realization that we were not going to see each other for a little while after this got to me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean the things I said," I said quietly.
"I know, and I sorry, too." We looked at each other and smiled.
"So, what are you going to do without me for the next week and a half?"
"I don't know who will I get into these stupid little arguments with?"
"Well, I promise to call, and we can have stupid little arguments over the phone."
"And I'll call too, so you don't have to be the only one starting the stupid arguments."
"Deal." I said laughing a little.
"I am gonna miss you."
"Me too." We just stared at each other in silence for a few minutes until we were so rudely interrupted by our waiter bring us our dinner. We thanked him and he went away again. And we started eating in silence, stealing glances at each other the whole time.
Before I knew it, we were saying goodbye. It seemed like in the flash of an instant, we had gone from eating a delicious meal, to the hotel, and finally, to the bus.
I hugged each of the guys and said bye before coming to Lance. I hugged him tightly and we rocked back and forth a little before Chris broke into our world with a "Get a room" comment.
I got off the bus and watched as it pulled away. Once it had turned the corner, I sighed and walked back into the hotel to pack.
Our flight back to LA was uneventful. I sat in my seat staring out the window for most of it, thinking about Lance. Once we landed, I said bye to my crew, after making plans for dinner tomorrow with them, and we went our separate ways.
I got back to my apartment and went immediately to bed. I was tired, but I had trouble sleeping. Lance wasn't there and that made it less than comfortable.
The next week was a blur of boredom. Boring meetings that seemed to go of forever. I decided that I was in hell midway through the first one. I didn't know when or how I died, but I did, and I went straight to hell, a.k.a. "Planning Sessions." I was hoping that I would at least get into the studio a little that week. But it wasn't meant to be.
The only good side of the meetings I could find were the long daydreaming sessions that I found myself having. I got a chance to really think about things, while not paying attention to the senior-V.P. of Something or other talk about nothing interesting - and from what I did pay attention to, nothing that even remotely had anything to do with me. Some of my thoughts during those meetings were along the lines of 'Why am I here for this? This has nothing to do with me, I don't even think they realize I'm in the room.' I had actually contemplated jumping up and screaming some obscenities, just to see what reaction I would get - but I never did.
One of the things I found myself thinking about a lot during the meetings was the rape, and how I thought I was doing. At the beginning of the week, I thought that I wasn't doing very well. But after contemplating it for the week, I decided that I was indeed alright, and it was time to consummate my relationship with Lance - though I didn't tell him that when we talked, I'd tell him that when we were back together. At some point I decided that telling him was out - showing him was in. I decided that since I'd get to the hotel before Lance and the guys, that I'd set everything up for that night.
The only saving grace through the week were my conversations with Lance, but even they stopped. They stopped on Wednesday. I called him on Thursday, but he didn't get back to me. But it was okay, I guess. I just figured he was busy, and couldn't get back to me. Oh well, I was going to see him in a couple of days anyway. I had called and left messages each day, but like the one on Thursday, I didn't hear back from him. I almost considered calling one of the other guys, just to make sure everything was okay, but then I figured I was just being silly. If something bad had happened I would have found out by now.
So I called each day, and let him know I was okay, and I missed him, and that I'd see him on Monday, when we were scheduled to meet up again for the tour.
So Monday came, and my dancers and I got on a plane to go back on tour. We got to our hotel a few hours before 'N Sync, as scheduled. Everybody was in my room hanging out and planning on what to do that night. Right on time, there was a knock on the door, and Chris yelling "Room Service" through it.
Being the smart ass that I am, I responded, also yelling through the door, "We didn't order any room service, try the next room down!"
There was a pause. Then another knock. This time Joey yelled, "Telegram!"
I yelled back, "Who sends those anymore?!"
Then I heard yet another voice - Helmet's - yelling, "Just open the fucking door!"
So I did, with the response, "Boy, someone doesn't travel well."
"Tell us about it!" was JC's response as he walked by me into my room. The rest of the guys followed him, Lance taking up the rear.
"Hi sweetie!" I said as he came up to me.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Much better now," I said as I went in to kiss him. We stood there kissing for a minute or two, while everyone else was greeting each other and trying desperately to ignore us. Finally, Alex spoke up,
"UGH, ENOUGH ALREADY! We get the point, you're happy to see each other!" We broke apart smiling. I had other thoughts on my mind, and I really didn't want to waste any time getting to them.
"Hi guys - how was your week - good - can you guys go somewhere else now?" I said rapidly then resumed kissing Lance. We were kissing and I started to kiss my way to his earlobe when I noticed that no one really moved any. I paused long enough to say, "There's the door" and half-heartedly pointed to the door. I closed my eyes and began nibbling on Lance's ear, but, after a few seconds of not hearing the door, or anything for that matter, I opened them again. "No offense, folks, but get out. James and I have something to do, and I'd rather not do it with you all in the room." Then I noticed that my crew started for the door, but stopped seeing that Chris, Joey, JC, and Helmet hadn't moved. Then I saw the look on JC's face. "What?" I asked him.
"Um, Lance has something he needs to tell you..." he mumbled.
I pulled away from Lance a little, so I could look into his eyes, "What do you need to tell me?" I asked. I just caught the tail end of a very nasty look that he gave JC when he turned back to me.
He looked into my eyes for a moment, then looked away. He kept glancing up into my eyes then away. I knew something was wrong, but I had no idea what it was.
Then it hit me. It was just a hunch, but with the way he was acting now, and the lack of phone calls over the past few days. I was pretty sure of what was going on.
"James?" No response. "James, look at me." He again glanced up, but then away. That's when I became sure. I pulled away from him, letting go of him completely. My eyes began to water, "Please, tell me you didn't do what I think." Nothing.
I looked at him, hoping beyond all hope that he was going to say that his mom was in the hospital, that an old friend passed away, hell, that his favorite Goldfish died, something, anything, but what I was thinking. And still he said nothing.
Finally I had had enough of his silence. "Tell me you didn't," I pleaded, then after a moment of silence, I continued, "Tell me you did - Tell me something, ANYTHING!" I practically yelled.
I took his silence as an admission, and that's when I realized we weren't alone. Everyone had just seen that little display, and it was time for them to leave. The show was over, and it was really time for them to leave.
Still looking at Lance, I said harshly, "Get out." Everyone moved a little, but not much, "EVERYONE GET OUT." I said, that got them moving, including Lance. "Not you." I said to him, while I grabbed onto his arm.
Once everyone had left, I looked at Lance, and pulled him to the couple of chairs in the room. He took one, and I took another, facing him. He was still looking down at the carpet, so I decided I'd be blunt.
"You slept with someone Tuesday night or Wednesday, didn't you?" I asked rather calmly. I think that surprised him a little.
He nodded in the affirmative a little, still looking towards the floor.
"What happened?"
He looked up at me, I think a little surprised at the question, and to gauge how serious I was about an answer. I was dead serious - I wanted an answer.
"You really want to hear this?" he asked.
"Yes. I wanna know what happened."
"Well, the guys and I went out to a club on Wednesday night, I got pretty blitzed." He paused, and took a breath. "I was dancing around and having a good time, same as the others, when this guy came up to me. He didn't seem to know who I was, or at least didn't care. And we talked for a while. When the club closed, I invited him back to the hotel, to continue our conversation." He paused again, and again looked at me to see if I wanted to hear this.
"So we got up to my room. And we talked for a while. I was tired and so was he, so I asked him if he wanted to spend the night, on the other bed." Again, he looked at me and waited for a reaction. Seeing none, he continued.
"So I got undressed, and he did the same. We both got into bed and I started to go to sleep. Then I felt the bed move, and I knew he was in it with me. I rolled over to ask him what he was doing, but he kissed me before I could, and I... I..." he stopped and looked down again.
"You enjoyed it so you kissed back." I said after a few moments.
He nodded.
"And you and he got down and dirty." I said, again going for bluntness.
He nodded again, and at least had the decency to shed a few tears.
"You do know what this means for us, don't you?" I said calmly.
"No, please, it won't happen again, please, I love you."
"DON'T YOU DARE!" I yelled at him as I got up and walked across the room. "Don't you even say that to me."
He got up and came over to me, putting his hand on my arm.
"Nick, please, don't do this."
"Don't touch me," I growled, "You lost the right to touch me when you fucked another guy."
He cringed and took his hand away.
"Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It just happened. I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking clearly. Please don't do this." He rambled on. Truthfully, I zoned him out after the 'I was drunk' part. That always bothered me - that excuse. I've been drunk, but I've always managed to keep it in my pants, or at least had the decency to sleep with my boyfriend.
"We're over, Lance."
"NO! Please it won't happen again. I promise."
"You just said the absolute worst things you could've said. Lance, " He noticed I had switched from James to Lance, "I used to be in a relationship where I was cheated on. When I was cheated on the first time, he told me he loved me, and I thought I loved him. He told me he wouldn't do it again. He promised. I believed him - why shouldn't I have, I loved him, and he loved me - it was just a stupid mistake. It wouldn't happen again.
"Then when it did, he told me the same things again. Only this time he loved me, and he promised, but also that he would change. And again, I stayed with him. And he did it again, and again, until I finally woke up and said to myself, 'What the hell are you still doing here?' I left him and promised myself that I would never let myself be in a relationship like that again. You knew from the beginning that I didn't - wouldn't - tolerate cheating. I'm sorry, but I think it's better if you leave."
His shoulders slumped down, he knew he wasn't going to win this one. So, he turned and slowly made his way to the door. He glanced back once, I guess to make sure that I wasn't going to change my mind, then he left. And I broke down.
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To be continued...
The end is near children. I think that there is only going to be one more chapter. There may be more, I don't know yet, it'll just depend how long it takes me to get where I've decided to end it.
I'm sorry for the length of time it took to get this part out, and that it's so short, but the story has taken on a life of its own, and I don't particularly like the direction it's gone, so I'm having a very difficult time writing it.
Thanks to anyone who is still reading!
E-mail me if you liked it or didn't or whatever! Writermurf@hotmail.com or bmurphy@quik.com - I don't care which you use.
Till next time...