Chapter 16: The Offering By Trixie Adara
"Where do I pick up my keys?" I ask June as the valet drives away in my car outside Reyna's manor.
She turns to me and smiles. "You won't need them again." She reaches out her hand. "Oh, right." I take her hand. I need her courage. I've never had a life-changing surgery before, but I imagine this is what it must feel like right before they put you under.
What shocks me about all of this is how normal it is. June looks like June. I look like me. I asked June if we should put on collars or wear slutty clothes, and she laughed. "Reyna doesn't like anything cheap," she said. "And if she wants us to wear collars, she'll pick the collar and put it on us herself. She's picky, and her choice is always the right one."
It took me two hours to pick an outfit. It felt paramount. This may be the last decision I get to make. Reyna will pick my clothes from now on. Or, as June tells me, she may assign another girl to pick my clothes. I doubt she'll let me keep what I'm wearing, and I may never see any of my clothes ever again, but it felt important. It was like deciding which outfit to get buried in and picking a wedding dress combined into one. I have to make a good impression. I have to show Reyna I'm ready. This may be the last time I have to worry about making a good impression. I smile to myself. That sounds too good to be true. Reyna will worry for me. I don't have to worry anymore.
Beneath my clothes, my chest is burning. My skin is warm. It feels like being drunk, or the beginning of being drunk. As we knock on the door, I let June lead. June talks to Anna. Anna lets us in. June holds my hand and leads me down the hallway to the dining room. We turn left, and are seated in some type of living room, a space for people to wait for dinner to be ready. Anna points to a couch, and we sit while we wait for Reyna.
"You okay?" whispers June.
"Sure." I keep glancing around the room. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Where are the whips and chains? Does she have a dungeon? Where are the other girls? June made it sound like there were dozens. I've only seen Anna the past few times. There were more in the kitchen the night June was banished, but there aren't any now.
June puts her hand on my knee. I didn't realize I was bouncing it. "It's okay. You've been here before under more dire circumstances."
"I have?"
"A trap and a deal with slave merchants? Yeah. This is nothing."
"It doesn't feel like nothing."
"This is what you want, right?"
"I think so."
June grabs my shoulder. She turns me to face her. "Hey," she says and smiles. "Deep breaths." I inhale slowly. She mirrors me. We both exhale slowly together. "All that thinking and doubting is exactly why we're doing this. You need this. You can't make up your mind at all. You need Reyna to do that." I nod. "Besides, you're not going in alone. I've been there before, and I'm telling you, it's not the end of the world. It's not hell. This isn't death." She leans in and kisses me lightly on the cheek. I inhale slowly and exhale slowly. Goddess, what am I going to do without her?
Anna appears in the entrance of the room. "Goddess will see you in her bedchamber."
I look at June. She smiles at me and winks.
Anna guides us up a side spiral staircase and then down a beautiful hallway. To our right is the grand master staircase that leads to the entrance of the house. To our left is a beautiful wooden double door. It must be the master suite.
Anna steps ahead of us and knocks gently on the door. "Come in," commands Reyna. Anna opens the door and steps out of our way. June goes first, and I freeze. This is it. This is the end. I need to be strong. I need to be what Reyna wants me to be. I have to pass this final test.
June turns around and grabs my hand. "I'll be with you." I kiss her and take her hand. She leads me into Reyna's room.
Reyna's room is nothing like her. Reyna has always been simple and elegant. She's a sex goddess without trying. She doesn't wear much makeup or wear fancy clothes. But her room is the opposite. It has tapestries on either side of an ornate four poster bed. The bed has red curtains hanging from it. A beautiful black rug with gold decals stretches from the bottom of the bed and covers the center of the room. Large glass arches serve as windows and light the room, two on each side. Beautiful, thick curtains drape around the windows and are pulled off to to the side. The room smells of cinnamon and apples. It smells of autumn and a bonfire.
Reyna sits at a wooden desk off to the right. She's working on something, writing something, when we come in. She doesn't look up when we enter the room. "Do you have an answer for me, little Sarah?"
My voice locks up. I know the answer. June and I rehearsed the answer. I know what I need to do. I need to tell her the truth. I need to tell her that I'm a pathetic slut that would rather a psychopath make my decisions than make them myself. I need to tell her that ever since her visit, I dream about what Maria's life must be like. I can see Maria being used over and over by women in elegant clothes. Women will pay to tie her up, to spank her, to whip her, and I know that Maria is wet the whole time. And I'm wet imagining her. Sometimes, I'm jealous of her. It's the truth and no one can know because it's wrong, because that's not how people should work. June doesn't know I masturbate and can imagine some wealthy billionaire choking Maria while fucking her with a strap-on. I see it clearly in my mind, and it's perfect. It's beautiful.
And June can never know that I have the same dreams but Reyna is choking me. Reyna fucks me in the dream, and I want to be fucked and used and discarded. June can't know that Maria's deal has filled my mind with new lusts and new hungers I never knew I had. June can't know what I've become and what I want to become.
June steps forward to answer Reyna, "If Sarah gives herself to you, will you take me?"
Reyna snaps her finger, and Anna re-entiers. Reyna holds up a folder, and Anna takes it from her. "Make sure that Mr. Triacion approves. I have my copy." Anna leaves the room with the folder.
"Will you take me back if Sarah agrees to be your slut?" asks June.
Reyna stands from her desk. She's in a black dress, tight and form-fitting. It's not immodest. The top isn't low cut and the skirt isn't high. She isn't going clubbing. She's a businesswoman. Her hair is up in a bun, but she has little makeup on. She's wearing black heels with straps that wrap around and up her calf. She looks incredible.
"Do you have an answer to my question?" Reyna asks me.
I nod. I swallow again and again, trying to clear my throat. I try to talk, but I break out into a fit of coughing.
"Will you take me back?" asks June. There's more urgency in her voice. Goddess, she's so strong. She's brave and strong and beautiful and kind, and it's not enough. Reyna is too much.
"Answer my question, little Sarah," orders Reyna. "What are you?"
I take off my sweatshirt to reveal my low-cut tube top. It may be trying too hard to say I'm a slut, but I want Reyna to see the tattoo. Above my breast, in thick and bold lettering, `slut' is tattooed. June went with me to the parlor. She held my hand the whole time. The artists kept asking if I was sure. I was sure. I'm still sure. I'm a slut. That's who I am. That's who I've always been. June knew first, back in the diner months ago, so it makes sense for her to be with me at the end.
"Say it," orders Reyna.
"I-I'm a slut."
A wave of pleasure and need washes over my body. I feel it every time I say the sentence aloud and everytime I see the tattoo. I'm a slut. I'm free. I feel it when I say it to myself. I feel it when I say it to June. I felt it when I said it to the tattoo artist. I feel it when people get a glimpse of the tattoo on the street. But I feel it more now. It has always been Reyna's word. It's her answer for her question. It's as though saying it to Reyna is saying it to my parents. It's etching it in stone and raising a monument to what a slut I am. There is no going back. I am a slut, and I'll forever be a slut now that I've told Reyna. The word to her is more permanent than the ink in my skin.
"Whose slut?" asks Reyna.
"I'm your slut, Reyna."
Reyna smiles. "Good, pet." Reyna steps towards me and kisses me. Everything I am is in that kiss. It is the kiss of death and the kiss of life. I climb into her, hoping to stop being. I want to be Reyna's. I want to be at her whims. I want to be an object used for her pleasure. I want to be her tool in the world. I want to be her amusement. I want to be used, and then I want to be discarded. There is perfect clarity in her kiss. She doesn't need me. She isn't needy or lusty when she kisses me. The kiss is for me, a gift. It's the opportunity to kiss heaven. She's letting me in, letting me know she wants me, letting me know that I'll never have to be anything but hers ever again. I'm almost home now, I'm almost safe. All I need to do is stop thinking and be her slut. She'll take care of the rest.
"What about me?" asks June, interrupting my kiss. I hate her for doing that. Can't she see I'm with my goddess now? Can't she understand that I'm free?
Reyna pulls away from me and stares at June. "I don't take back what I discarded."
"But you got rid of me so I could bring you Sarah, right? Discarding me was part of the plan wasn't it?"
"Sarah was the prize. You are no prize."
June's eyes turn red and puffy. She looks back and forth from Reyna to me. "If you don't take me, you can't take her. Right, Sarah?"
June looks at me. She wants an answer. It's another question, another test. But I don't have to answer any more questions now. I'm free. I've answered the final question.
"Sarah?" repeats June. Her voice cracks.
"It's almost over, pet," whispers Reyna in my ear. "All you need to do for me is die."
"You can't come with us," I whisper. My voice is hoarse and raw. I feel the tear run down my cheek before I realize I'm crying. June cries with me. No. Not with me. She cries apart from me. This is the best. This is for the best.
There is a knock on the door. "Come in," orders Reyna. The door opens, and Anna hands Reyna a folder and a pen.
"Everything's ready, goddess," says Anna without raising her eyes from the floor.
"Thank you, Anna. Tell Mr. Triacion we're ready. I want you to suck his cock when we're done here. He likes you."
"Yes, goddess," says Anna and leaves.
"You can't have Sarah without me," says June to Reyna. She's trying to be brave. "Sarah belongs to me. She won't come without me." June turns to me. "We promised. Together, right?"
"Sarah has made up her mind," says Reyna calmly. She hands me the folder. I open it up and see the line for my signature. "Now make up your mind one last time."
I don't read the paper. I don't have to. I sign without thinking, like Reyna wants me to. It's the easiest thing to do because Reyna wants me to do it. It's easier than breathing because Reyna wants me to do it. This is just a taste of life with her. Every decision will be like this. I don't have to worry about anyone judging me. June can't judge me. Maria can't judge me. Sandra can't judge me. Reyna is my only judge, and her will is perfect, and her judgement will be fair as long as I obey her will. I hand the paper back to Reyna. Reyna smiles and runs her hand over my ass while taking the paper from me. I shiver in delight. My soul shivers.
"What was that?" asks June. Panic fills her voice. "What did she just sign?"
There is a knock on the door. "Come in," orders Reyna. A man in a business suit enters with two strong men dressed in black and armed with pistols.
"What's going on?" asks June. She asks me. Reyna doesn't tell me to answer, so I don't have to. June can't judge me. She can judge Reyna, but that's foolish. Reyna is perfect.
"Look into my eyes, pet," says Reyna. I obey and clench my thighs.
Her eyes are deep pools of amber, like caramel I can swim in. Her eyes hold everything. Her eyes hold hope and peace and rest. Rest. I don't have to fight anymore. I don't have to run. I can give in. I can stop. I can be free.
"You can't do this," says June. But she's far away. She's down a deep deep hole. I don't have to worry about June. "Sarah, why would you do this? Sarah, look at me. Don't look at her. Look at me! Why won't you look at me?" June's questions aren't for me. They're for Reyna. Reyna will answer those questions. I don't have to answer. I'm done now. I'm free.
"These men will take you away, June. They will take good care of you," says Reyna. Her words are like mist. I can't hear them perfectly and forget them as soon as I understand them. There are only Reyna's eyes. She is only eyes now. I am in her eyes. I am only Reyna's eyes.
"Did you sell me? You can't sell me! No one owns me!"
"You gave yourself to Sarah. She owns you. Now she's given you away."
"She can't do that. Sarah wouldn't do that."
"Sarah is mine, now. And I would do that. Whatever I want, Sarah will do."
Her words are Truth. I am Reyna's now. I would sell my girlfriend into slavery. I will cum thinking about her lesbian body filled with cocks. I will watch her be used and abused each night with my goddess, and I'll be drenched with desire. I will fantasize about being her and lust over her brokenness. Reyna brought her to clubs to pleasure strangers. This will be no different. June's a slut, like me. There is no hope for sluts like us. There is no cure for sluts like us. We will be happy being used, sluts like us. We will be happy being fucked, sluts like us. We will be happy serving, sluts like us. Sluts like us. Sluts like us. Sluts like sluts. Sluts like. Sluts.
"Please, don't do this," begs the slut.
"Take her away," orders the goddess.
I hear scraping and grinding. There's a scuffle. There's the clink of handcuffs. There's the slave taken away to her happy home. There's a life of sex for her. There is freedom in oblivion. Her life will not be unlike mine. She will serve strangers in chains. I will serve a goddess in her eyes. We will both serve. We will both be used and discarded. Nothing can hurt us now. We're already dead.
"I'm so wet," I whisper to goddess.
"You like to hear her beg?" asks Reyna.
I nod and bite my lip.
"You're such a slut," whispers Reyna. "A good little slut."
My knees go weak. I don't have to think. I like hearing June beg. It makes me wet. I can say it. There is no shame anymore. June's opinion doesn't matter anymore. No one's opinion matters except for Reyna's. And she says I'm good. She says I'm a good little slut. I'm free. I'm accepted. I'm wanted just as I am: a slut.
Reyna blinks several times, and I slip out of her eyes. I'm back in her bedroom. June is gone. Anna is gone. It's just us now, me and my goddess. I'm not scared anymore. For so long, her very presence was a nightmare to me. Now she is a beacon of peace. It's over. It's all over. No more June or Maria or Sandra or Carl. Soon, there will be no more Sarah. There will just be Reyna and my life as an extension of her will.
Reyna smiles at me and takes my hand. She leads me to her bed, and we both sit. She's soft and graceful. She's beautiful and perfect. She's everything feminine and gentle. She's everything feminine and powerful. I love her. It's not like loving a person. It's like loving a mountain or the sunshine or rain on your naked body. It's like loving sunsets or silk or the way the word cinnamon feels in your mouth. Loving her is loving a fundamental part of your personality. It's loving that you get excited and notice when a woman's skirt rises. It's loving when a woman is large chested or when a woman with a great ass bends over. My whole life, I've hated that part of me. I've feared it. Loving Reyna is learning to love those parts of me.
"Now what happens?" I ask as we sit on her bed, holding hands.
"What do you mean?"
"Whips? Chains? Brainwashing?"
I want to look into her eyes. I want to feel nothing and be nothing. I want to be a body, deprived and desperate for sex, and I want to be a soul, detached and turned on by how far I've come. I want to obey her wordlessly and thoughtlessly. I want to serve her whole-heartedly and passionately. I want to be hers and not mine. I want to go back to sinking into her words and her eyes until life's a thing that happens around me but no longer a thing that happens to me. I want to watch and not participate in the endless burden of being and thinking.
"Is that what you want?" she asks.
"Isn't that what you want?" I ask.
"I have what I want. I have you, body and soul."
"What do you want to do with me?"
"Break you," says Reyna with a shrug. I shiver next to her.
"What do you mean? Like É hurt me?"
"Strip away all the nonsense in your life. You were always a sex-obsessed creature, but in a cage of personality and society and propriety. I want to uncage you. It will be like learning to walk. It won't be easy at first."
"It won't?"
"No. Tell me, if I call in Mr. Traicion and tell you to suck his cock, would you?"
"Umm É"
"Exactly. You hesitate. A free Sarah won't hesitate. She will only obey. It will take time. Only then will I pierce you."
My body arches at the thought. I'd forgotten about the piercings. I'd forgotten how badly I wanted and feared them. I have to earn them. I'm not a finished slut yet. Reyna has more work to do with me.
"I'm not finished yet, am I?"
"No. Not yet. But you will be. Now you have me and my power to guide you. We will uncage you, slut."
I chew on my lip. "How did you know I was a slut?" I ask.
"You told me."
"When?"
"The first time we met. In the bathroom."
"I did?"
"Yes."
"I don't remember."
"Of course."
"What did you do to me then?"
"I looked inside the cage."
"What else?" I ask. This is the question I've not been able to ask. Whenever I start to ask, the words escape my mind. Something happened, but I forget to notice. I forget how it started.
"What do you mean?"
"Didn't you do this?" I point to the tattoo above my breast. "This all started with you there."
"I don't force anyone to do anything, pet. I reveal. All I did there was, how do you say?" She smiles at me. "I got the ball rolling. Let me show you." Her eyes glow and the past floats back into my mind, a memory I forgot I forgot, missing time I never missed.
The beautiful woman, your best friend's girlfriend, stands before you. You love her dress. You love her hair. You love her body. You wish you had a body like her. She's perfect. Not perfect like a model or someone in a magazine. She's perfect because she's real. She's perfect because she's strong. She's perfect because of what she did to June. You can imagine what she does to Maria. You imagine what they do together when you're not there. Maybe they do it while you're there, under the table. Why not? A woman like her can do whatever she wants.
You look into her eyes and see the opposite of nothing. You see the universe unmasked and unveiled. You see bodies intertwined again and again. The population surges. You see the rise and fall of empires. You see the oceans and the heavens. You see humankind grow and age. Life finds a way. You see bodies intertwined for pleasure. You see the sluts and those that use them. You see the prudes afraid of sex, though their bodies burn with urges. You see the urge in your own body. The hunger for pleasure. The hunger to shake off the bonds of societies that fail and fall. Religions pass, but goddesses prevail. You see your own depravity and weakness. You can see it objectively before you without criticism. You're horny. You're always horny. You want to fuck. You want to be fucked. You want to touch and be touched. Your mind is a pleasure palace, but you want your body to be one too. You want to let go and be a slut.
"You are Sleeping Sarah," says the woman.
You nod.
"Are you a slut of a goddess?" asks the woman.
"A slut."
"All women are sluts," muses the woman. "Does Waking Sarah know?"
"No."
"Hmmm," says the woman. "Tell me, Sleeping Sarah, do you find women attractive?"
"Yes."
"Do you find me attractive?"
"Yes."
"Do you like what I did to June?"
"Yes."
"Do you want me to do that to you?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to fuck Maria?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to fuck me?"
You hesitate and chew your lip. "No."
"You cannot lie to me."
"I want you to fuck me. I want to be on my knees with your cunt in my mouth. I want to bend and break before you. I want to be fucked by you."
She smiles. "You're a sexual creature."
"Yes."
"But Waking Sarah does not know."
"No."
"Sleeping Sarah is sexual."
"Yes."
"Waking Sarah has blocked all that sexual energy."
"Yes."
"It needs to be released."
"Yes."
"You want it to be released."
"Yes."
"Then look deeper into my eyes. I will help you be free. I will help you be true."
You lean forward and look further into her. You see past history and people and continents and planets. You look past galaxies and heavens. You see energy holding existence together. There is a bond between electrons and atoms and quarks, stars and planets and moons, people and bodies and clits. There is an attraction holding everything together. Everything's coming together, and that is good. It should come together. Everything will come together. It is inevitable. The universe wants everything to cum together.
You don't want to oppose the universe. You can't oppose the universe. Society separates, but the universe brings it together. You should bring it together. You should cum together. Stop fighting the universe. Stop fighting the attraction of all things. Stop fighting attraction. Attraction is good. Cumming is good. Give in to the desire of the universe.
The woman smiles at you. "All you need to be is your true self."
"My true self?"
"Yes. Give in to your desires."
"Yes."
"For example, what sexy thing do you want to do right now?"
You squeeze your thighs together. You're soaked and free. You want to eat her out. You want to pierce your tongue and eat her out. You want to pierce your tongue and be tied up and eat her out. You want to pierce your tongue and be tied up and be on your knees and eat her out.
But not yet.
"Give you my panties?"
She laughs. It's soft and pleasant. You want her more than anything. "Of course, little Sarah. I will take your panties."
You take off your shoes and pants. You slide off your panties. They are soaked and sticky. You have to peel them away from your body. The woman laughs and takes them.
"Be free, little Sarah. You are so sexual. Be sexual like you always wanted."
You wake up.
"I didn't change you, pet. I released you."
"What?" I croak. My mouth is dry. I thought it was her. I assumed it was her. I was doomed. She was going to take me because I was already sabotaged. I had no hope from the beginning. Reyna took me in the stall and did something to me. She gave me those dreams. She took me again at Diana's office and did something to me. She's been manipulating me this whole time. She probably planted Sandra. She planted Maria. This is all part of her plan.
"I admit to playing a role in the past few months of your life. I had to get rid of Carl. He was strangling your spirit. I had to shake you out of your comfort zone to wake you up. I controlled the circumstances, but I never made you do anything. I eased you into your true self, but never forced your hand."
"That was É that was É me?"
"Yes, love. It was you."
My skin goes cold. Me? It never felt like me. It felt like someone else. She was stronger in the beginning and weaker in the end. She was a character. She was firey and sexual and nothing like the girl in the diner.
"But I É"
"Sold your best friend and lover into sex slavery? Yes. And got wet doing it."
Part of my mind, Waking Sarah, knows she should panic. She should scream and run and fight. This is wrong. This is so wrong.
"You did it for a woman you barely knew."
Waking Sarah is screaming. She hates Sleeping Sarah. She hates true Sarah. She hates Reyna. She misses her best friend. She's dying.
"You took sex slaves, though you were too weak to rule them."
Waking Sarah is nothing anymore. She's buried in Reyna's eyes. She's never coming back. Maria can hate her. June can mourn her. But she's never coming back.
"You became a lesbian, though I'd guess you're more than that."
The other part of my mind, Sleeping Sarah, is emerging. Her time has finally arrived. This is the day of her birth. This is the first day of her life.
"You were turned on by Carl becoming Karla."
Sleeping Sarah is burying Waking Sarah. She is replacing her. She is killing her. There's no reason to worry about her anymore. There's no reason to wear the mask.
"You're turned on by my amber eyes."
Sleeping Sarah is moaning. She's lust in a world of bliss. There are no consequences. There is no future, and there is no past. There is only the present and this feeling. There is only bliss and pleasure.
"By my power."
Sleeping Sarah squirms. She doesn't have to worry. It was her, the whole time. It wasn't Reyna. It wasn't Maria. It wasn't June. It was Sleeping Sarah. She is the Truth. She is the bedrock of reality.
"What a slut," whispers Reyna. She leans in to kiss me, but licks the side of my face. "A total slut." She reaches under my skirt, I'm not wearing panties, and finds my juices running down my thighs. "My dirty slut."
Slut Sarah is the only Sarah. She has no girlfriend. She has no boyfriend. She has no best friend. She has no body. She has no shame. She has no fear. She has no mind. She only has a goddess. Her goddess is all those things for her.
"It's been obvious to me, pet." Reyna steps away from me and goes to her desk. "From the first time I saw you. I wanted to break you. I knew inside of you was a true slut. You want more than sex or debauchery." Reyna opens a drawer and takes something out. "You want oblivion. You want true thoughtlessness and freedom." She turns around and steps back to me. "I can give that to you, though it will take time. I've been preparing you, but there is further to go." She raises a simple black leather collar, about two inches wide, and raises it to show me. I shudder. "I took Jace to get closer to Maria. She's happy with her new life now. I took Maria to get closer to you. She happily serves two bisexual billionaires in Russia. I took Karla to get closer to you. She works the street a few blocks from where you used to work. I took Diana to get to you. She's married to a woman and offering her uterus to those in need. I took many more at work, but they help keep money coming in so I can pursue sluts like you. I chose Sandra to get closer to you. She went back to college happily. I chose June to show you what I could do, what I could make you, but June disappointed me. They all disappoint me in the end, but you won't for a long time. You're ready to be empty now, aren't you."
Tears fill my eyes. This goddess, this force of nature, did so much for me. She's gone through so much effort to save me from Waking Sarah. She rescued Slut Sarah from a life of boring marriage and rule-following with Carl. She did it all to empty me out. She did it all to save me. I nod.
"Good," purrs Reyna. She puts the collar around my neck and latches it. "We'll start tomorrow teaching you how to be nothing. Tonight, I want you to learn the ways of my body. Study quickly, slut. If you prove to be a fruitless endeavor, I will abandon you. I'm a goddess, not a saint."
I nod. She's done too much already. She's been too kind already. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve this life with her. But I will learn. I will study. I will become a skilled mouth and useful hole. I will become her toy and tool. I will serve as long as my mind is gone. As long as I am free, I will wear whatever shackles she has.
"Thank you, Goddess," I whisper. It's not a word. It's not a language. It's not an idea. It's a prayer. It's a prayer to the most benevolent and powerful force in the universe. It's a hope of a new life at the other side of this death.
Reyna carefully takes off my clothes. I fall to my knees in front of her. I can barely see through tear-filled eyes. Reyna absentmindedly runs her finger over my tattoo, tracing the word `slut' over and over. I shiver and smile. I wipe the tears from my eyes. I've never felt such peace. My life has been a story of stress and chaos, but being a slut is peace. Being Reyna's slut is peace.
I'm free.
** If you want to follow me, get more of my writing, or support me, check me out on Patreon at https://www.patreon.com/trixieadara or Tumblr at https://trixieadara.tumblr.com/ **