Author's Note:Hey What's Up Everyone?? Well, here's the next installment of Music to my Ears. Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to drop me a line in the email. I really appreciate those of you that dished out the comments and criticism and I hope that I have included some of your thoughts in this installment. So thanks to Xander, Justin, Eric and Canh...keep in touch kids. I hope that you all enjoy chapter 2 of Music To My Ears, and again I'll be watching the mail box for any letters from all you out there. I'm at Blue4Clue4@aol.com-- hook me up!! Luv YA!
Just for the record, I'm sorry this took so long to get up, I hope that in the future they will be posted sooner, but I've been sick lately, and then there's school and work..but anyways ENJOY!
Disclaimer: And yet again...This story is purely fiction. I don't know any of the Backstreet Boys personally and I do not know anything about their sexual preferences. Also, if you are offended by stories of the homosexual nature than what you doing here?? And if you are too young for this stuff then you better get your ass out!! And I thank you!!
MUSIC TO MY EARS
Chapter 2--I'll Be Your Secret (if you can keep it)
I never noticed how much can be read, seen in a quick scan, a look, into someone's waiting eyes. Majestical and deep, but his were overflowing. I saw something so calm and inviting in them. I just felt to at ease. I looked deeper, hoping to never have to stop. I felt something surround me. A comfort so inexpressible., warm a luxurious. I was enveloped in his soul, the and still only at the windows. He started back, but too quickly turned away...
"Scott, I,...hey man, are you okay?" He seemed uneasy, but I was gone--almost lost, but I knew the way the whole time and I never looked back. Quick snap and I return.
"Huh, hey what's up?"
"I'm just, um, really nervous. I haven't done this in a while, and I don't know exactly what you're hoping to get from this..I, I'm making this sound like some fucking science project, but I'm just so damn nervous, man.." He trailed off. He was so lost. Damn, he must have not have dated in the past century.
"Brian, man, calm down." I put my arm around him. We reached the elevator of my apartment building, slowly stepping inside, he started to breath more normally. I guess the assurance of actually leaving was maybe all that he really needed.
The car ride was uneventful. The usual pleasantries were passed, but I knew our conversations still had a long way to go. Like somehow, there were so many things--issues--buried so deep inside us, rooted in, and the top most layers were just beginning to peel off. I feel like I've known him for years, and that nothing needed to be said. The world just came to an easy slow down and it stopped. Dead in it's tracks. This is where I need to be. Brian is exactly what I need.
"I know, Scott, damn, I know, I just feel something so powerful with you, like something that I've never felt before. This is all so new to me. Like, I've know that I'm gay since I was about 17, but, I never really pursued, a relationship..I'm kind of new at this kid." Brian, just seemed like he needed me as much as I need him. It all made sense.
"Brian, I hate to be the damper on such a deep, kind of, conversation, but hell, this is our first..date if you will, so shall we lighten up, maybe just a little bit." I kind of made a whole bunch of unnecessary hand motions, just to get the point across. "Let's just be loose and let it all hang out, and just go."
"Let it all hang out, eh" Brian moved his hands down to his crotch and reached for his fly. "Damn, Scott, if you could see your face right now." He patted me on the shoulder, and busted up in a fit of laughter.
"Okay, you dirty dirty boy, two can play at this game. This does mean war you know?"
"Yeah, I know." He gave me the most endearing smile. I was falling, damn, and hard.
The restaurant was a laid back place. The best kind I think for a first date. We were surrounded by other couples, but the general atmosphere I felt promoted love to blossom and flower..and that's lame. We moved to our table in the back as to be on the "down low." Our waiter came over, and Brian and I were just making small talk, trying not to get to deep in anything that could be interrupted. Enter Hector.
"Hi my name is Hector and I am your waiter for this evening. What can I start you two off with. Our specials for the day are.." I stopped listening. I've worked enough shitty jobs to know that this part didn't matter, because the specials were just whatever the chef decided to not spit in, but then again, this wasn't that kind of place.
Hector finished his spiel and I just gave him this, "well aren't we chipper this evening" kind of look.
"Well, I'd like the Vegetarian Special and a Diet Coke, please, " I ordered, very formal, as to not give anyone any ideas.
Brian just gave me a half cocked smile. "And I would like the same please, thank you."
"Alright, guys I'll be back in a jiff with your drinks, and until then, HAVE FUN!"
And that was all we needed, I was about on the floor and Brian looked as if he was about to pee his pants. That man was something else, and this job wasn't really doing him any favors.
Our food arrived about twenty minutes later, and as delicious and delectable as it was, the broccoli wasn't exactly what I was interested in.
"Okay, Scott, lets talk life."
"Um, yeah ok Brian, let's"
"Well tell me about your family, like all of those fine looking young men I met earlier this evening."
"Oh, ok, well my parents live across town where both of my little brothers live and my brother Jarred, but that's another story. Shall I just start with the oldest and work my way down?" I was being half-assed sarcastic, but that didn't really phase Brian too much.
"Yeah ok, go for it." He was so interested, genuinely in my life.
"Well, my oldest brother is named Ross. He's 21 years old and a visual arts major. He's the artsy fartsy type and just loves to paint, draw, sculpt, build. He's great at it. He's also a photographer and very good at that as well."
"Then there's Barrett, or Rett. He's 18 and probably the craziest most insane person I've ever met. He has this off the wall sense of humor and just great to be around. He's a thespian, and writes all kinds of plays. His latest, Confessions of the Clock Radio, is definitely a piece of work."
"Um then Jarred, he's my twin brother. He's into music, but not like I am. He's more of the "jock" of the family if you will. He's a very talented soccer player and he and I both are in a break dancing group called Elements, for our school."
"Joshua is 13 and he's very quiet and shy. Very reserved and very smart. He's just beginning to find himself, and I really like who he's becoming. And then there's Bradley, he's 6 and just a fun loving little kid. He's one huge ball of energy and you gotta love him. And you didn't meet Wes, but he's just a baby, he was just born on March 12 2001 at 2:34 am and he weighed 7lbs 11oz." I took a deep breath, and Brian didn't even falter. He absorbed everything that I had said, and he cared to retain the information.
"What about middle names?" He asked calmly. He was actually curious about my family, I guess in my tone he could see just how special all of my brothers are to me, and in turn they became special to him.
"Well, if you really want to know. Ross Samuel. Barrett Thomas. Jarred Tyler. Scott Alexander. Joshua Reed. Bradley Adam and Wesley Steven."
"Isn't that a mouthful?" He giggled a little bit. He's so cute when he giggles.
We quickly delve into conversation about his family, but he faltered a little bit when he mentioned his father. I saw hurt in his eyes, and I being in a similar situation thought it best not to press the issue, at least not until he was ready for it.
After dinner we went down the most beautiful park across the way from the restaurant. After a cheerful goodbye from our good old pal Hector that is. I sat in his arms and we looked at the stars. We murmured back and forth and discussed the importance of trust. It seemed a lurking feeling in the bottom of my stomach as the issues swirled around the moist night air. I could tell by his touch, his entire presence, that he's as genuine as people get and that I don't have to be scared over anything when I'm with him. We started to talk about everything we knew about each other. The Question Game. When you just go back and forth and answer each other's curiosity. You can't back down to any question, and if you do, well, the is no "if you do", he would chime in, because you only play the question game with people you really trust. The whole game relies on honesty, the harsh truth, and as I said, you can't be deceitful because then the basis of the game crumbles and your left with a pile of "dirty laundry" that isn't nearly as meaningful as it would've, could've been.
"So my dearest BRok, is it okay if I call you Brok?" I really didn't leave him any time at all to answer the question. "Shall we, why don't you start us off?"
"What? Oh you mean the game?"
"No Sherlock, I mean I five course meal, yeah the game."
He just shrugged his shoulders and I saw the wheels turning, I knew exactly where this game was going. I being a very horny 17 year old male highly deprived of any sexual activity and possessing large amounts of pent up sexual energy, didn't mind at all. You get it where you can I guess.
"You a virgin?" He rolled smoothly off his southern tongue.
" No. It was with my best friend, my first and only boyfriend. The time was right and we were in love, you?"
"Well, um, not exactly."
"Brian, you either did or you didn't.."
"Well, no, but it was with a woman. It was before I accepted that I was gay, and it just kind of happened. What ever happened to him?"
"To who, oh you mean Steven, my best friend?" My stomach kind of tightened a little bit at the thought.
"Yeah" he responded calmly
"Well, Brian, you should know, Steven meant the world to me and I still love him with all of my heart. We were so close, best friends before lovers and I want you to know that I'm telling you this because I trust you, and I know that you will understand."
"Okay, Scott, I will." His confidence was amazing.
" Well Steven was killed my a drunk driver last year, and it's been the hardest year of my life, damn, it's been a year...." I just looked at the ground but I felt Brian's grip firm and supportive around me. I am ok, I will be fine and I don't have to worry anymore. I took a deep, cleansing breath, shifted a little bit in my thoughts, and moved on.
"Okay, enough of that, shall we proceed? My turn. What's the most you've ever cum?"
" I don't know, maybe six or seven shots." He started to chuckle at the thought.
" Really, for me it's like nine or ten." I felt good, I'd done him one better!
"Damn boy, you need to get some or something!"
The game continued for about another hour and I found out the Brian is a very above average individual, which yet again proved my brother Barrett's "Endowments of the Gay and Flaming" Theory, but again, that's another story.
We walked, although it seemed like we floated, back to my apartment building and he just pulled me into the warmest most comfortable embrace I've ever experienced. He looked up at me, he needed to say something important, I have sixth sense with these things.
"Brian, what is it?" I asked, really intrigued by his thoughts.
"Well, I was wondering, I really want to kiss you and, " I cut him off his lips met mine and parted to allow entrance for my tongue. We shared the most passionate, special kiss I'd had in a while. His face cupped in my hands as our tongues mingled and jingled between us. Spark, we both felt something so inviting."
"Wow." That's all he could say. The moment couldn't have been better.
"The perfect ending to a perfect evening." I stated and it was clearly the truth.
"Um Scott, there's something I need to tell you." I just stared into his deep blue pools. "Well, we're leaving tomorrow, and then the tour has to continue."
"What? You mean, that's it?" I was really sad and a little disappointed that he would start something like this and then walk away from it all, from me.
" No, Scott, I really want to stay with you, to persue a real relationship. I feel something so right when I'm with you, something I've never felt before. A connection so deep and I would never walk away from that from you." He took my face in his hands and placed another kiss on my waiting lips. " I see something for us, Scott, something that can stay strong through the distance. And I will be back, and I make that promise to you."
"Brian, I..I dont' know if I can do this." Tears started to form in my eyes, but I didn't care. I just let them slip down my cheeks, like slolem skiers just waiting to take the plunge.
"Scott, I promise you, trust me, this will work out. We will work out because we both want it bad enough. You're very special to me and I feel like I've known you forever, but I want, I need to get to know you better. And I hope that you will take my hand and come along for the ride."
"Brian, I'd love to. I love you." I said it without thinking, but once the words were out, they just fit. And it was all calm and right again.
"Will you be my boyfriend, Scott?"
"Brian, I'll be anything for you." And with that said, we sat over on the curb outside my building and necked for the next few minutes. But it was time to go our separate ways and after promises and promise, the deal was set. He was mine and I was his, and this was the beginning of something very special to us both.
God, I miss him so much. We've only been apart for about a week, but I feel like my soul has been ripped out of my chest and run over by a three thousand pound mack truck. I starred out of my window, and looked up at the stars as if asking for some kind of answer. I need to escape into my own little world, a place where disturbances didn't seem so huge, where all of my grief and anxiety just whisper away and where I can find my peace. I walked over to my bed, and reached underneath it. Revealing a black guitar case, I removed the acoustic instrument from it's safe keeping and again made my way to the window. I know exactly where I need to be. With my guitar firm in my hands, I left the apartment and proceeded down the hall and out into the welcoming night. I sat down on the curb and just began strumming, whatever and wherever my fingers wanted to take me. I was so far gone. Like, that place inside me, the subconscious that knows exactly what I always need. I began to sing, to sing to the night, to sing to Brian. As if my words touched him..they must have. I continued my song as the tears were squeezed from my clenched eyes, and I felt closer to completion.
"Open your eyes to the haze of forgotten dreams
I see myself drift from sleep
I'm so disconnected
I don't feel you, I can't feel me
I see nothing at all
The light's just too bright for shadows
And the darkness is my prisoner
My only solace
Cause I don't have to think with my eyes closed
So deep in dreamland
Dreading to return
So if I should die before I wake
Would you forget me?
I hope I lived for you to remember me
But all my hope's in the past
And the past is long behind
And I'm just so happy in the dark
Because you're not there to watch me
You're there with me
And I can see you
And feel you
And you look back at me
Close your eyes to everything that's real
I see myself drift away
And now I'm so inside myself
Beside myself
I miss you."
"God, Scott, I miss you too..." bellowed a familiar southern accent.
To be continued...
I just love cliffhangers, and how all ya'll hate them. If it keeps you reading I'll keep it writing. So I'd love to hear from anyone who has something to say, be it good or evil. Drop me a line at Blue4Clue4@aol.com and I'll be sure to nail you a response. So until next time...keep it safe And please welcome the most recent addition to my family, Wesley Steven, 7lbs 11oz, born early this morning, March 12.
Scott