Well, my dad has known I was gay since I was 13. He used to think I would grow out of it. He's cool with it. Also, my best friend in the world knows I'm gay. When we were younger we did a little stuff together, but now, he's into girls and doesn't want to do stuff. It's cool, because he's still my best friend.
I'm only with my mom a few days a month; I mostly live with my dad. She married a couple of years ago to my step dad. He's ok. I also have a new baby brother. When he's not crying or shitting (which is most of the time), he's cute. I guess officially he's only a half brother.
I was spending Friday, Saturday and Sunday of Thanksgiving with her. I decided it was time to tell. I was still going to be in the closet; but thought she should know. Well Friday disappeared, not because I was chickening out, but because there was never a good time when we were alone in a talking situation. Saturday morning she was cooking breakfast. My step dad was taking care of Jamie, my little brother.
"Mom, can we talk for a minute?"
"I'm cooking breakfast. Can't it wait?"
"I guess." She looks at me. She can tell I'm nervous. She picks up the skillet with the eggs and puts it on another burner.
She sits down at the table with me. "Ok, sweetie, what is it?"
I take a deep breath and without any explaining say, "Mom, I'm gay." I hold my breath. I don't know why I'm scared, I know she loves me and everything; still, I'm nervous.
"That's fine honey. Is that it? Is that all you wanted to tell me?"
"Yeah."
She gets up, comes over gives me a kiss, and goes back to her cooking. I'm sitting there confused.
"You want 2 eggs of 3?" Eggs? What is she talking about? Apparently she doesn't care I'm gay. That's good. I guess I was excepting a reaction of some sort. Maybe she already know; maybe my dad told here.
"Mom, you don't seem surprised?"
"Oh, Erik, I've suspected it for some time. I just figured you would tell me when you were ready. I love you sweetie."
She suspected? "How did you know?"
"Well honey, you never talk about girls, go on dates or seem interested in those things. So we just figured you might be gay."
"We? Cliff knows?"
"We discussed it a few times. He loves you too you know."
So the whole world knows already? "Have you told dad yet?" She asks.
"Yeah, he knows." For a few years now.
"So do you have a boyfriend?"
"No!"
"You know, my cousin Jay? He's gay too."
Her cousin Jay? He's gay? "I don't even remember him."
"Oh you were probably too young to remember."
"Remember who?" says Cliff as he brings in Jamie and sets him in a high chair.
"My cousin Jay."
"I never met him."
"No, I don't think you have."
"Why are we talking about him?"
My mom looks at me. I guess I need to tell him.
"I just told mom I was gay and she told me so was Cousin Jay. I don't remember him."
He looks a little surprised. The he says, "So you're coming out now?"
"No."
"Boyfriend?"
"No."
We eat breakfast. I find myself in the living room with Cliff as my mom now takes care of Jamie.
"I want you to know that we are supportive of you Erik."
"Ok."
"So you like boys?"
Duh. "Basically."
"Ok. My nephew is gay. He's 16, or maybe 17. How old are you?"
"16."
"Yeah. He's cute, too. Want me to hook you guys up?"
What? He wants to hook me up with his nephew? Who is gay? And he's my age? And he's cute?
"I don't know."
"Ok, just let me know."
My head is spinning as he turns on the TV and searches for a stupid football game. After a little, I go to my room and just lay on the bed. This was harder than I thought it would be, but easier too. It's complicated to explain. I was surprised that they were not surprised.
As I sorted out the mornings activities in my brain, I kept sticking on Cliff's gay nephew. Did I want to meet him? Just because he was gay, didn't mean we were going to be compatible or anything. But I should probably meet him. At least give it a try. Maybe we had some things we could talk about.
The rest of the weekend was pretty normal. Thank god.
On Monday at school, I was telling my best friend that I had finally told my mom I was gay. I guess I wasn't careful enough because another kid overheard us talking about it. Shit! After I finished with my friend, the guy who heard me came over to me. Double shit!
"Hi Erik." He knows my name!!!??? "Don't freak out dude. I'm not telling anybody." Yes, I was freaking out. I was so not ready to tell everybody at school I was gay. No way. "I'm Jay. We were in PE together when we were freshman." I look at him. People change a lot from being freshman to being juniors. I didn't really remember him. But I didn't want to admit that.
"Oh yeah," I say.
"Well can we talk sometime? I mean don't freak out, I'm not going to tell anybody what you were talking about. I swear. I just wanted to talk to you about some stuff."
What kind of stuff? I don't even know him. Gay stuff? Did he want to talk to me about being gay? Does he want to blackmail me? I don't think so.
"Ok." Why did I agree? Man, I am totally freaked out.
"After school? Want to come over to my house?"
"I guess." So we agree to meet by the flagpole after school and go over to his house.
On the way to his house we talk about school stuff, what classes we are taking, who we both know in common. As we get to his house, I'm a little nervous. Ok, I'm fucking freaked out nervous. I'm not scared he will beat me up or anything; I'm just pumping my heart at double the normal beats.
His room is covered with WWE poster. I mean covered. There is no wall space that isn't covered up by a poster or a magazine picture. Interesting.
Does he like wrestling? Or does he like buff guys in speedos?
"You like wrestling?" I ask, stupidly.
"Yeah, I guess." He guesses. So maybe I was right, maybe he likes the speedos.
"Or you like guys in speedos?" I bravely ask.
He takes a deep breath. "I like guys in speedos." Ok, that's what I thought.
He goes on to say, "Erik, I think I'm gay."
Ok, I thought so. "Yeah, ok, that's cool."
"Nobody knows."
"Not even your parents?" I ask. Having just told my mom, I suddenly feel like an expert.
"Nobody. You're the only one."
"Well, I won't tell anyone. Don't worry."
"Good. Thanks. That's why I told you. After what you told Brian..."
"Yeah, I'm gay too. He knows. Also my mom and dad know."
"I'm afraid to tell my parents."
Well, I stopped feeling like an expert here. I mean, I know I'm lucky to have parents who love me and don't care that I'm gay. But I've chatted with guys and read stuff about guys who aren't as fortunate as me. So, I didn't really know what to say. I didn't have any advice for him.
So....we sit together in awkward silence.
"You see my dad is always bugging me to play sports and stuff. The only sporty thing I ever did was swimming. But I had to stop that; so now he's sad that I don't play anything."
"Why did you quit swimming? I love swimming."
"Well I swam at the swim club when I was a little kid for many years. The when I got older.....well the speedos just didn't hide it when....well you know."
"You were embarrassed about popping a boner in your speedos?" I ask.
"Yes. In front of everybody. I just couldn't control it with all those half naked guys around. You ever wear a speedo?"
"Yeah, they don't hide much," I agreed.
"You were on a swim team?" he asks.
"Naw, I got a pool in my backyard."
"Nice, so you wear your speedo there?"
"No."
"Oh, you wear board shorts? I wear board shorts too, when I go to the beach."
"No, I don't wear board shorts at home. I usually go naked."
"Naked. In front of your mom and dad and everybody?" He asks very surprised.
"Well really only in front of my dad. I live mostly with him"
"You swim naked with Brian?"
"Well, that's personal."
"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. It's just that....well....he's hot."
I laugh. "Dude, he's totally straight."
"But I thought your guys were...I mean you're gay right?"
"Yeah, I'm gay. He's straight. We're still best friends."
"Wow, you're lucky." Yes, I am. I know that.
"Can I come over sometime? Maybe to swim?"
"You want to swim, or see me naked?"
"Both," he shyly admits. "Is that ok?"
Now this is where many of the readers of this story might think we ripped each others clothes off and fucked each others brains out. Well, that's not what happened. In fact, nothing happened.
"Yeah. You can come over tomorrow if you want."
"Great. It's kind of cold out."
"It's heated. But we can wait till summer if you want."
He knows I am teasing him. We agree to meet after school tomorrow. I walk home to my house. This has been a crazy couple of days. First, I tell my mom and step dad that I'm gay. Second I find out I have two, count them, two gay relatives. Then I meet a gay boy at school.
Thinking about Jay being gay and his dad trying to push him into sports and stuff made me think.
So when I get home I ask my dad, "Did you wish I wasn't gay?"
He stops what he is doing and stares at me. "No. I love you just the way you are. Now, what brought that on?"
So I tell him all about telling mom that I was gay, and then telling Brian about telling mom, and Jay hearing me, and what happened with Jay being afraid to tell his parents and his dad wishing he would play sports.
My dad gets up from his chair and gives me a big bear hug. He doesn't let go. He just holds me. When he finally let's go, he tells he all sorts of stuff how he loves me and wants me to be who I am, and be happy. That he doesn't wish I was not gay. That he doesn't wish I was taller or shorter or fatter of thinner. That he doesn't wish my eyes were a different color or my hair. He loves me exactly the way I am. You get the message.
Next day at school, I tell Brian all about it. I don't tell him that Jay thought Brian was gay and I exaggerate the part where Jay thought that Brian was hot. Anyway, Brian thinks it's cool about me and Jay both being gay and maybe becoming friends. I ask him if he wants to come over swimming after school with us. He laughs and says no.
I'm a little nervous about introducing Jay to my dad. I trust my dad and everything, I just didn't want him to say anything embarrassing or stupid. He didn't.
We get to my room and I have to search my closet to find my speedos; it's been I while since I wore them. He has his out of his backpack and is waiting for me I guess. I finally find them; Jesus they look small. After I start to undress, he does the same. He goes slow. I understand. He doesn't want to be first. Well since it's my house, I guess it's my job to go first, so I do. Doooooing, my boner pops out as I pull down my boxers. He takes a quick glance, but tries to pretend he didn't look. He also has a boner when he pulls his down. I have to struggle to pull up my speedos from two years ago, over my older body with a boner attached. Somehow, I get it all stuffed into my speedos. We look kind of silly with our boners poking out, trying to escape our speedos. We run out into the cold and get into the warm water as quick as we can. When I get out to turn on the Jacuzzi I can see him looking at my boner pushing out of my speedos. I look too. It looks pretty big. Yes!
We swim and Jacuzzi for a little, then he has to get home and I have to start my homework. As we dry off and change again in my room, we both have boners again. This time, it's a little less tense. A lot less tense. We say goodbye.
Even though I am working on my homework, I spend a lot of time thinking about Jay. Do I want him as a friend, or as a boyfriend? Am I ready for a boyfriend? Is he?
The end for now
Dear readers: When I took writing class, they said write what you know, so I put a lot of autobiographical stuff into a few of my stories. Some of my stories (like this one) have a lot of true stuff in them. Others, especially the ones I write for other people, have no true stuff. At least no true stuff about me.
So my question is this: Does the autobiographical part add to, or take away from the story? Please be honest. Please let me know. Thanks.