Model Romance- Part Fourteen OK! I know! I'm sorry! All I can say is that since Thanksgiving my life has gone straight to hell. I'm am totally confused about everything, all kinds of weird things have been happening to me, and as if that wasn't enough, my hard drive crashed! Arrrgghhhh! Originally I had planned to do a nice Christmas story and then something else for New Years. However, since I am running a little behind I'm going to use Part Fourteen to play catch up. For those of you who don't remember what's going on in this story I'll remind you. (Don't feel bad, I had to remind myself too.) Anyway Sebastian beats Justin up and then splits, leaving Zack to find him. Long story short they decide to call the cops and Justin is a real mess. If that makes no sense to you then you'd better go back and re-read. Like I said, I'm going to be bringing the story back up to speed so this might seem a little jumpy. My apologies if that is the case. And now, here we go again....
Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction and is not meant to imply anything about anyone. If you shouldn't read it then don't.
Model Romance- Part Fourteen
Sebastian whistled as he strolled down the sidewalk on his way back to the hotel. Things were going to be much better from now on. He and Justin would be much happier now that they understood things better. But he needed to get him away from his life. It was hurting him. They needed to go somewhere where they could be alone. Yes, then everything would be perfect and no one would bother them anymore. As he turned the corner his grin slipped a little. There were police cars sitting outside the hotel.
He quickly darted back around the corner. It was probably nothing, but better to make sure. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Justin's number. After the second ring someone picked up.
"Hello? Hello?"
Sebastian didn't even hear the second hello because he had hurled the phone into the busy street. He didn't notice the honks from passing drivers. The crunch of the phone being run over was drowned out by the roar of the traffic. Sebastian walked steadily away from the hotel. Apparently there were a few more obstacles to be removed before he and Justin could be safe and happy.
The paramedics and the police arrived at almost exactly the same time. While JC handled the officers Zack stayed with Justin as he was examined. After a few minutes he was given a clean bill of health. They told him to put ice on his nose and lip and to get some rest, but nothing was broken. They didn't ask any questions either. Zack reminded them not to mention this to anyone and they left.
It had already been decided that Justin was in no shape to handle the police. JC was feeding them a carefully concocted story at the moment. Since they obviously couldn't reveal Sebastian's real connection they made him out to be an overzealous fan who had been staying at the hotel and had snuck onto the private floor reserved for the bands. Lonnie and the rest of the security staff had to endure a lecture from the police sergeant about paying more attention to their jobs, but that was the worst of it. Through some divine miracle the press hadn't caught wind of any of this. Sebastian was to be arrested quietly on charges of assault and battery and not to be questioned until Justin decided whether or not to press charges.
"Man, I'm glad that's over with," JC sighed as he came back into Justin's bedroom.
"They're gone then," Zack asked.
"Yeah. They bought the story, but they're still gonna want a statement from Justin when he feels better. How you doin Curly?"
"I'm...better. JC...Zack thank you both for everything. I just...if you hadn't come in..." He shuddered, unable to finish the sentence."
"No need to think about that," Zack said softly. "The important thing is that you're ok. And as soon as they pick up Sebastian we can put all this behind us."
"The cops just called," JC said quietly. He and Zack were in the hallway outside Justin's room. "They still haven't found Sebastian."
"I've been thinking about that. I think that was who called Justin's phone earlier. When he heard my voice he must have figured out that he'd been busted and he ran."
"Good. Maybe we wont have to deal with him anymore."
"I wish I could believe that. Should I tell Justin or do you want to?"
"Let's not mention it. Maybe he wont think about it. How did it go with the others?"
"Oh it was fine. They all want to help out, but I told them Justin just wants to be alone tonight. Chris and Joey had some interesting ideas about what to do to Sebastian."
"I'm sure they did. I do too."
"Yeah I know. God, if only I'd come sooner..."
"Hey, you can't blame yourself for this. You had Sebastian pegged from day one and we didn't believe you. Come on, let's go see if there's any food left."
They walked into Justin's suite where he and Britney had ordered room service. They hadn't eaten much. Neither one of them was hungry. Justin was laying on the couch with his head in Britney's lap.
"Hey bud, how ya doin," Zack asked.
"I'm a lot better now," Justin said. "I really want to thank you guys for taking care of me. You're my best friends."
Zack winced slightly at that, but no one noticed. He smiled and said, "that's what friends are for. We'll always be here for you Just."
"I know. But now I think I'm going to call it a night."
"Justin it's only 8:30," JC said.
"Yeah, but I'm really tired. Sides, we've got another early day tomorrow."
"Ok, we got the hint. You sure you don't need anything else?"
"No Josh, thank you. I'm fine. I'd actually like to be alone for a little while."
"Will do. Come on Brit let's go. Wanna watch a movie?"
"Yeah that sounds good. Zack, want to join us?"
"Um, maybe in a little while. You guys go ahead."
JC and Britney returned to there own room and Zack sat down on the couch opposite Justin.
"Are you really ok? You seemed awfully shaken up before."
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Y'know I can stay and keep you company if you don't want to be alone..."
"Zack," Justin sighed. "After everything that's happened I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why?"
"You know what I mean. Look I know you still have feelings for me and maybe I still have feelings for you but this isn't the time to find out."
"Justin..."
"Please! Don't say anything else. It...it hurts so much...I just can't..." He got up and ran into the bedroom shutting the door behind him.
Zack sat on the couch staring off into space. His mind wandered through it's misty halls and his body drifted into sleep.
A few hours later JC and Britney had just finished watching The Sixth Sense and we getting ready for bed.
"Zack never came down, I wonder what happened?"
"I've got a pretty good idea," JC chuckled.
"You think he's with Justin?"
"Don't you?"
"I'm not sure. I'd love for that to happen, but I don't know. Justin been through something really hard. I hope he doesn't shut himself away from us."
"Should we go talk to him?"
"No," she sighed. "I think we'd better let him try to work this out. He knows we're here."
"I guess. We'll no point worrying about it until tomorrow then. Ready for bed?"
"Yeah. I think I'd like to sleep for a couple of days.
Justin lay in the darkness with the covers pulled up to his chin. His skin was damp with cold sweat. His heart was pounding and his eyes were wide. He looked at the clock: 11:30. He had been trying to sleep for almost two and a half hours. But instead he lay awake, reliving the nightmare of that afternoon. He shivered and his breath came more rapidly as feeling of panic threatened to overwhelm him.
I can do this. I'm strong. I have to be.
He decided to get up and get some water. He slipped out of bed and put on his robe. He got a drink of the bathroom but he couldn't go back to bed yet. Instead he walked out into the living room. Zack had fallen asleep sitting on the couch, his head propped against one hand. Justin looked at him and smiled. Zack would sit there forever just to keep him safe.
He walked over and sat down quietly next to his would-be boyfriend. His boyfriend. It sounded right in his mind. Watching the gentle rise and fall of Zack's chest, looking at his long eyelashes covering his big blue-green eyes. The line of his jaw, his chin resting on his hand. He was so beautiful.
And he loves me. But do I love him?
Zack stirred, as if sensing the unspoken question. Quickly he got up and darted back into his room.
I can't love him yet. Not yet.
Zack woke with a start. He was sure that Justin had been there a minute ago, but it must have been a dream. Seeing how late it was he got up quietly and started towards the door. He hesitated, debating whether he should go check on Justin.
If he wanted me, he would have come. He must be asleep by now. I wont bother him anymore. It has to be his choice.
The next few days were hectic. There was no sign of Sebastian, but everyone was so busy with the tour that it was easy to forget him. There was little time between rehearsals for anything but sleeping. Everyone was constantly tired. Zack didn't say more than two words to Justin. The tension between them had melted away, but there were still the unresolved feelings that neither of them had time for. As a result, they avoided each other. At last the day came and everyone got to sleep late. Then there was a big, rushed lunch and they were bundled off to the stadium. The crowds started pouring in, already screaming. The sun set. At last it was time.
Zack walked out onto the dark stage. In front of him he could hear and feel the sea of bodies waiting with anticipation. The stage lights came up. A spotlight struck him. The cheers from the crowd became a deafening roar. He was terrified and exhilarated at the same time. He couldn't remember his lines but they flowed from his mouth without any thought at all.
"Welcome ladies and gentleman. My name is Zack and I will be your host for this evening. Perhaps you've heard of me? Well maybe, and maybe not, but I've got a few friends here that I'm pretty sure you'll know. Please put your hands together for AJ, Brian, Howie, Kevin, and Nick...that's right....the Backstreet Boys.
The boys did they're set and they were followed by Christina, and then Britney, and then NSYNC. The screaming fans showed no signs of losing their voices, there was a constant and deafening roar, that prevented anyone on stage from hearing anything except what came through their earpieces. When NSYNC left the stage, Zack came out again.
"So did you all have fun tonight?"
This was followed by thousands of affirmations.
"I guess so. Well, I've got one more little suprise for you. I'm going to sing a song. Before you start booing hear me out! It's something you've probably heard before. And since my dance moves aren't quite as good as the original performer of this song, I've asked a couple of people to help me out. Ladies?"
Christina and Britney reappeared on-stage and the crowd went crazy. They performed and updated version of "Smooth Criminal," and even if a good part of the audience was too young to remember when it was a popular song, they loved it just the same. When that was over the guys came back out and everyone sang a few Christmas songs. After a big finale, let stage lights went down, the house lights went up and the performers ran off the stage.
"God, what a rush," Nick exclaimed. "I'll never get tired of hearing all those screaming fans."
"Yeah you gotta love those teenyboppers," JC chuckled.
Zack didn't say anything. He was still overwhelmed. The feeling of having thousands of people watching him and cheering for him was incredible. It was addictive. He fell in love with it instantly, and somehow he knew the the rest of his life would be different. Some things might seem a little smaller. But no matter what happened he could always remember the time that all those people cheered for him. In that moment the audience loved him, and he loved them.
Johnny Wright came in all smiles. "OK people! Fantastic! Spectacular!" Yada yada...you can read it all in the papers tomorrow. But now it's time to hop in those limos and get back to the hotel. We're packing up and moving on tomorrow and I expect you all to be ready to go by 9."
There were a few grumbles and groans, but everybody was tired and in no mood to argue. In no time at all, thirteen starlets and their entourage of dancers, security guards, managers, producers, and miscellaneous were back at the hotel and getting ready for bed. Zack came to JC and Britney's room at their insistence.
"We just wanted to tell you how proud we are of you," JC said. "You handled that like a pro."
"You were amazing," Britney added. "Will you come to all my concerts?"
Zack laughed and blushed a little. "I did all right. And I had fun. And I made some people happy. That's all that matters."
"Spoken like a true superstar," JC joked.
They talked for a few more minutes. Christina came in and congratulated everyone. So did Lance and Nick. And then Brian, and Chris and Joey. At last Zack decided to retire to his own room. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," Britney yelled.
The door opened, and there was Justin. He seemed hesitant to come in now that he had opened the door. "Hey guys"
"Hey sweetie. Come on in. Don't just stand on our doorstep. You did great tonight."
"Yeah Curly, I think you broke a few more hearts tonight."
"Oh...ha...thanks. You guys did good too. Um, actually I was looking for Zack. Christina said he was here..."
"He just went back to his room. If you hurry I'm sure you can catch him before he goes to bed."
"Oh no, I shouldn't bother him. It can wait."
"Don't be silly. Go. Do I need to take you down there?"
"No mom that's ok," Justin said sarcastically. "I think I can find his room."
He made no sign of leaving.
"Well," JC asked.
"Well what?"
"Are you going to go?"
"Yeah. I'm going. Night guys."
"Good night Justin."
"Night Just."
After he was gone JC turned to Britney and rolled his eyes.
"Think they'll ever work things out?"
"Who knows. For the sake of my sanity I hope so.
Justin walked slowly down the hallway to Zack's room. He glanced over his shoulder to see if Britney was watching, but she wasn't. Maybe he should just forget it and go to bed. Zack was probably asleep and he wouldn't want to be bothered. He knocked on the door. There was a long pause and he was getting ready to turn away when the door flew open.
Zack was standing there in a pair of flannel pajama pants and nothing else. His smooth, chiseled chest was bare, and so perfect. There was a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth. He looked a little suprised when he saw who was at his door, but motioned for Justin to come inside. He disappeared into the bathroom and finished brushing his teeth. In a moment he was back.
"Hey. What's up Just?"
"Nothing. I, um, just wanted to tell you you did a good job tonight."
"Thanks. You did too."
"Yeah. Thanks." There was a long pause. Zack was obviously waiting for something else.
"So...was there anything else?"
"No...no I just wanted to say congrats."
"Um, ok. Are you sure there was nothing else you wanted to say?"
"Not really..."
Zack was starring at him hard. His big bright eyes seemed to pierce him. Like he could see inside him. Justin shifted from one foot to another. There was so much he did want to say, but he couldn't.
"Well," Zack sighed, "I promised myself I wouldn't bug you. So if you want to talk you know where to find me. Otherwise I'm going to bed."
"I..." he began.
Zack waited expectantly. But Justin just stood there. He couldn't think of what to say. All the emotions inside him refused to be formed into words. Finally Zack signed again and turned away.
"Good night Justin." his voice sounded very sad. He started toward the bedroom.
Justin stood and watched Zack's back as he retreated into the other room. The door closed slowly and he was alone. He walked out into the hall and back to his own suite.
At breakfast the next morning Britney pulled Zack aside.
"So," she whispered excitedly.
"So what?"
"So did you talk to Justin last night?"
"Define talk."
"Oh...not good?"
"No everything's just fine Brit. He just can't seem to say more that two words to me before his mouth stops working."
"Maybe he's just so utterly infatuated with you..."
"Save it," Zack broke in. "I'm really not in the mood." He walked away before she could say anything else.
The next few weeks were hectic. The tour made stops in Phoenix, Dallas, Chicago, Minneapolis, and other big cities. Zack saw more of the country in a month that he had in the rest of his life. The grueling schedule made it easy for everyone to put their personal problems aside. No one had time to fight with anyone. On Thanksgiving everyone had a much welcome day off. Britney and Justin's moms flew in. So did Lance's parents and Chris' girlfriend. Zack spent the day with Christina and Nick. Nick was not very pleased that Lance through him out when his parents came to town, but he did understand. They had dinner with Chris and his girl and Joey and the rest of the Backstreet Boys. Zack called his parents after dinner. It was the first time he had talked to them in weeks and he'd forgotten how much he missed being home.
In no time it was December and the tour was still going strong. They went all over the country. There last concert was back in New York, at the Garden. Being back in the city was like going home. Zack had lunch with David and his friends from Boss.
"So kid," David said, "I've been keeping up with the tour. Looks like you've become quite the sensation."
"Yeah. I guess."
"Why so down? I'd think you'd be thrilled. And hey, after the holidays you know you're calendar is booked solid!"
"That's good."
"Come on man, what's going on?"
"Nothing David, I'm just a little distracted. I'm going home for Christmas by the way. I'll be back after New Years."
"Ok, sure. And Zack, get some rest. You look tired."
"Yeah. Tired."
The last concert was a huge success. Everyone went out afterwords to celebrate. Management had reserved a private room at Tavern On the Green. It had been Zack's idea, but he wasn't really looking forward to it. Dinner was wonderful of course. He was quiet through most of it. Afterwards he stepped out into the night. Central Park was cold and silent. He was alone. Then there were footsteps behind him.
"I saw you sneak out after dinner. What's up?"
Zack turned to face Justin. "I don't know."
"Don't you?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Forget it."
"Right."
"No, that's not what I want to say. God, you make me so crazy sometimes, Zack."
"I make YOU crazy?"
Justin snorted. "Look, do you want to go somewhere and talk? Somewhere a little warmer?"
"I don't know. Are you actually going to talk to me? Or are you just going to wind up walking away like you have everytime we've tried to talk since before Thanksgiving."
"You know this isn't easy for me. I don't need this from you."
"Oh like it's been real easy for me?"
"You don't know what I've been through! I needed some time and space."
"Then why couldn't you just say that?"
"I tried...I don't know."
"Justin, I'm not going to play these games anymore. I'm not going to go around and around in the same circles. I can't do that."
"That's not what I want..."
"Then what do you want," Zack yelled. "I've been trying to figure that out for a month! Every day I see you and all I want is to hold you and I can't, because I'm afraid you'll push me away again."
"Zack, I'm sorry that I couldn't just erase all the shit that has happened to us lately. I wish to God I could. I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm still afraid he's coming back for me. Do you know what that's like? To lie awake at night, alone, in the dark, and wonder if this is the night that he comes for you? Do you?"
"No, but..."
"But nothing. You can't understand what I've been through. I'm really trying to get over this, but it's hard."
"It would be a lot easier if you didn't shut me and everyone else out!"
"I know that."
"Then why do you do it?"
"I can't help it. I'm afraid."
"Of what?"
"That it will happen again!"
There was silence.
"What," Zack asked in disbelief.
"That's not what I meant..."
"You really think I could ever..."
"Zack, that's not what I meant."
"Then what?"
"I don't know. I'm just afriad ok?"
"Fine. I can't help you until you let me Justin. I want to, but I can't. I hope you work this out but I can't deal any more. I'm going home. I'll see you around."
"STOP!"
"What?"
"Don't you dare run out on me again!"
"What do you mean? I'm leaving Justin, I don't want to fight anymore."
"No you're not. I'm not letting you run away again. None of this ever would have happened if you had just trusted me in the beginning."
"So now you're blaming all this on me? What was I supposed to do Justin? One of your best friends accused you of using me and it all made a little too much sense. I hardly knew you!"
"You knew me better than that!"
"So now what? I get all the blame? It's my fault that you ran away from your friends and shacked up with a psychopath, who, by the way, I tried to warn you about repeatedly."
"Don't go there, Zack. Don't you dare fucking go there!"
"Then after he beat you up, I tried to help you and what happened? You ran away! And now you come out here and have the nerve to blame me when you did the same damn thing I did?"
"You abandoned me," Justin sobbed.
"I was scared! I went my whole life thinking I was straight and then all of a sudden you come along and turn my whole world upside down. Did you ever stop and think how hard that was for me the first time I kissed you? It scared the hell out of me! It still does!"
"Yeah it scares me too! But you didn't even give me the chance to explain!"
"Yes I did! And you just stood there with you mouth open!"
"I was in shock!"
"Ok, what about now? Are you still in shock? Explain to me now."
"Zack I fell in love with you, that's all there is to say!"
"Bullshit! If you loved me why did you go out and find somebody else."
"Because you ran away and I thought you hated me!"
"I loved you!"
"And I loved you too!"
"And what about now?"
"I don't know."
"Maybe you'd better figure that out."
"Alright fine!"
Justin took I deep breath, stepped towards Zack, took his head in both hands and smashed their lips together. Neither one of them moved for some time. Slowly Zack's arms slipped around Justin's waist and brought him closer. Justin's arms wrapped around Zack's neck. Tears ran down their faces.
"God, I'm so sorry," Justin whispered.
"So am I. Let's go someplace warm."
They went back to Justin's hotel room, both physically exhausted from the long tour and emotionally drained. There were few words between them. They were both deep in thought. Soon they were lying in bed, drifting off into a comfortable sleep, safe in each other's arms.
The phone rang bright and early the next morning. After about the fifth or sixth ring Zack finally grabbed the receiver and mumbled into it.
"Hello?"
There was a pause on the other end before he heard Britney's voice.
"Um, good morning dear. I thought I called Justin's room."
"You did."
"Oh. So that's what happened to you last night. I guess this means everythings..."
"Just fine," Zack said, looking down at Justin whose head was lying on his chest.
"Thank god," Britney sighed. "I was afraid you two would never get back together."
"Well, nothing's been decided for sure."
"But don't you think..."
Zack stopped paying attention as Justin stirred. He groaned sleepily and then tensed for a moment when he realized he wasn't alone. Then, realizing who was in bed with him he turned his big blue eyes up to look into Zack's green ones.
"Morning," he said shyly.
"Hey. Sleep well?"
"Best I've slept in weeks."
"That's good. I'm..."
He was interrupted by Britney's voice, tiny but insistent one the phone.
"Hey! What's going on! Answer me Zack! Where are you?"
"I'm right hear Brit. Don't need to yell. Justin just woke up."
"Well do me a favor, don't get out of bed until you two are back together, ok?"
"Um, I don't know if we..."
"And make it quick, breakfast is in five minutes."
There was a click as she hung up the phone leaving Justin and Zack alone.
"What did she say?"
"Oh...just want's us to be at breakfast in five minutes."
"Anything else?"
"Not really. Well...she said...oh forget it. Nevermind."
"What?"
"It's nothing. I'll tell you later."
"No," Justin grinned, straddling Zack's chest, "You'll tell me now. Or I'll tickle you until you pee your pants."
"Ha! I'm not wearing any pants so there!"
"Then I'll tickle you till you piss right through your boxers and wet the bed," Justin cried, and began to make good on his threat.
Zack squirmed underneath him, but he really ticklish and therefore helpless against Justin's attack.
"Alright! I give up. No more. I hate being tickled."
"I know," Justin giggled. "Now tell me."
"I'm not really sure this is the right time..."
"No time like the present model boy. Now talk!"
Zack let out a long sigh and looked down, until he realized he was staring almost directly at Justin's crotch and shifted his vision to the ceiling.
"She said not to get out of bed until we're back together."
"Oh," Justin said slowly.
"Look, I'm sorry. I don't want to pressure you. Lying in bed with you makes me feel better than anything else in the world but..."
He was cut off when Justin put a hand over his mouth. His other hand tilted Zack's head down until they were looking into each other's eyes. He studied Zack's face carefully. It was a beautiful face, but it was marred by the scars of a tormented soul. Here was one who had been innocent and good, but had been jaded by the imperfections and passions of life. Looking deeper though, his eyes reflected that forgotten innocence. They hinted at a shred of purity that was still buried deep in his soul. That was what he loved about Zack. His true beauty was hidden from sight, but still there, if you knew where to look.
Zack gazed back into Justin's eyes. He saw someone who tried very hard to be a good person within the confines of a life of excess. He saw a shy, insecure child, who hid behind a flashy, confident exterior. That was what he loved about Justin. Underneath all the glamour and glitz he was the gentle, caring person he had always been and always would be.
Justin took his hand away from Zack's mouth. There unspoken exchange lasted only a few seconds, but in that fleeting moment came a new understanding more important than the knowledge of love. It was the knowledge of why they loved. And that was what healed the wounds between them. Love is an intangible thing; it can't be put into words or made simple. But knowing it's cause, knowing why we feel it, that makes it real. There lips met and their embrace was like the warmth of the sun after a long, cold night.
They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Suddenly there were both very much aware that they were in nothing but boxers and that the bedcovers were lying around their knees. Justin reached for the blankets as Zack tried to get out of bed to find some clothes. But since Justin was still on top of Zack the result was that they both went off balance and Justin collapsed against Zack's chest. And then the door opened.
"I hate to interrupt whatever you two are doing," Britney said with a smirk "but like I said, it's time for breakfast."
"You could have just called," Justin mumbled. His face was bright red, but he stubbornly made no move for the covers.
"No I couldn't. Did I forget to mention we're having breakfast in your room Justin? We're all out here waiting for you two. But maybe I should just have everybody come in here. Hey, Josh..."
"No," they yelled together.
"We'll be out in a minute Brit," Zack added. "Could you close the door on your way out?"
"Sure thing stud," she chuckled.
"So," Zack began. "I guess this means..."
"Yup."
"And you're not..."
"Nope."
"But..."
Justin silenced him with a kiss.
Ah, finally. Like I said, sorry if it's a little jumpy and I know it got a little preachy there at the end, but I wax poetic when I get tired to sue me. And I promise that Part Fifteen will be out very soon. Really. Believe me! Until then send all your question/comments/hate mail to zack02cool@hotmail.com. Peace.