The Missing Piece of a Piano By: Sean Roberts
Author's Note: Thanks for all the feedback. Please e-mail seanr_13@yahoo.ca
Bar 17
Around him in his room there are still boxes. For months Daniel has lived in this room and has not yet unpacked. Clothes lie messily on the floor. His desk is cluttered--papers and books from school lying on top of his keyboard. He has connected his computer but has not yet used it. He stares for a moment at the screen, knowing that if he turns it on he will see e-mails from the friends he has left behind.
He opens a drawer in a cupboard. It is empty. The door of his closet, too, has remained closed. He opens it. Empty.
Daniel begins with his clothes, flattening the empty boxes and keeping them outside his room. The rest is more fun-- finding places for stuffed animals that for him have sentimental value; plugging in his stereo system and looking through the CDs he has brought with him; picking up a surprised Faye who has just walked into his room and throwing her playfully onto his bed.
She giggles as he climbs onto the bed, lying on top of her as he kisses her.
"What are you doing here?" he whispers.
"I missed you," she says. "I wanted to wake up with you this morning. So I came by. I hope you're not busy."
"I'm finally unpacking," he says, waving his arm at the mess behind him. He kisses her once more, and she offers to help.
"It'll be fun," she says. "I can finally look at all your stuff."
"Just grab a box."
She selects the one he forgot he had. The one with Keith's things. Pieces of music he has given him; past gifts. Souvenirs from amusement parks. Daniel was drunk when he packed these things, barely thinking about them as he threw them haphazardly into a box.
Faye is fascinated by these items. They came from a part of Daniel's life she never experienced. A baseball Daniel caught at a game. Keith was with him. Sports. Boys. They were both boys. This suddenly crosses her mind. She looks up at him and watches him for a few moments as he organizes his CDs on a shelf.
"Daniel if you met another guy, someone you like as much as you liked Keith, what would you do?"
He stops what he is doing and looks at her. He thinks for a moment, trying to gather exactly what she is asking.
"I hate this word Faye. But I am bi-sexual. It makes it sound so dirty. But I am attracted to other guys. But that doesn't change how I feel about you. I'm absolutely in love with you. You got me to love music again; I started playing the violin again for you. I've missed the sound it can make more than you know. Nobody except you could have done that for me."
This does not seem to reassure her. He goes to sit beside her. "Faye I don't care whether or not you're a boy or girl. I never cared about what colour your hair is, or your skin. None of that matters to me. These feelings I have for you go beyond that. The feelings I had for Keith go beyond that. It never mattered that he was a boy. I love you."
He kisses her lightly on the cheek. He says nothing else. She suddenly straightens up, sitting absolutely erect, and continues to sort through the box. She looks like she is concentrating hard on what she's doing. She doesn't look around, she barely blinks. He knows how fragile she is at the moment. The wrong speech or the wrong touch could send her away, can hurt her immeasurably. He doesn't know what she needs him to do but he does what he can.
He returns to the room very quickly with his violin. She doesn't notice that he has come back; she barely acknowledged when he left.
Bach's celebrations of nature are some of Daniel's favourite pieces of music. He can hear them when he is outside, amongst trees and flowers. This is what he plays for Faye. He knows why she loves him. Not because he can play but because of how he plays. The passion he has for music; the dedication to this instrument of his; the expression of his soul through wood and strings, creating absolutely beautiful sounds.
She doesn't look at him while he plays. She continues to go through the box, to discover the relationship Daniel used to have with Keith. There is no jealousy in this; no wish for him to feel the same way about her he felt about Keith because she knows that he does. She finds that tears are beginning to fall down her cheeks. Music, though it affects her, has never affected her in this way; has never made her cry.
"Daniel stop," she says. He does so immediately. He places the instrument back in his case and goes back to the floor to sit beside her. "I hate crying," she says. She rests her head on his shoulders. The weight of her head resting on him is comforting.
"Then don't cry," he says. "There's no need to cry. I'm here. I love you." This is the third time he has said this to her today. Finally he gets a response.
"I love you too Daniel. I've never met anybody like you. I love you so much."
She lifts her head so she can kiss him. There is silence in the room when their lips meet. She feels a sense of security from his touch. Faye is glad she came to visit him today. She helps him to finish unpacking. His room now is clean. The things that remind him of Keith; his clothes; his CDs and his violin and Faye now all have a place. They sit at the foot of his bed, looking around at the before crowded room. Suddenly he loves the house. Now that he has this space of his own, with his own knick knacks and posters and lover. They kiss once more before they leave together.
Seth's playing has improved greatly. Daniel tutors him with the dedication Keith used to teach Daniel the piano. Daniel is astonished that both the brother and the sister have such a talent for music. Today, Daniel has brought him something. He hands it to Seth.
"A song!" the boy says. Daniel smiles. He asks Seth to sit with him. He spreads his legs and Seth sits in between them, Daniel's arms around the boy. The violin is under Keith's chin but they hold the bow together. Seth is fine on his own with the fingerings. They start.
He allows Daniel to lead his hand to move the bow properly across the strings. It is not a hard piece but for someone who is just beginning to learn an instrument, any piece is difficult. Seth has fallen in love with the sound of this instrument of his. Daniel suddenly stops.
"You made a mistake," Daniel says, taking Seth's left hand into his. Daniel caresses the boy's fingers. "But you know what? That sounded incredible." Seth gets up from the couch, Daniel right behind him. Daniel stares at the boy for a few moments. He has an erection. This duplicate of Keith in front of him is responsible for it. Daniel feels guilty for thinking this way but he cannot help it. He doesn't know how to control his lust for this boy.
"Practice," Daniel says. "Until this piece is perfect. We'll see how you're doing next week."
The Evans' piano is silent. Whenever Daniel used to be there, with Keith, the piano was never silent. One of the boys was always using it, filling the house with music and laughter. Daniel guides another hand. He arrived at the house to find Ashley sitting at the piano, pressing keys. She wasn't playing anything in particular, she just wanted the sound. She wanted to hear something coming from this large box that has its own room in her house.
"She loves me," Daniel says quietly. A song is now being played, by Daniel and Ashley together. She kisses his cheek.
"And you love her," Ashley says. "You know I don't miss him when you're here? I need to see you more often than I do. And so do my parents."
"I know. I need to see you more too. I've pushed everything that reminds me of him away and that's just made everything worse. I came to see you today because of the concert. It's a week away. I need to know if I'm doing the right thing, sharing Keith with the world like this. I mean it's his piece, he wrote it and he never heard it so how is it fair that I get to play it and he doesn't?"
"It's not fair Daniel. Nothing that's happened has been fair. But there's no better way to honour him. I want you to do it."
It is with these words in his heart that Daniel now practices the piece. For Keith's family; for Keith's memory.