"We need to get to her the hospital, there's no time for an ambulance," Dr. Hana said to Drew, who was crouching down beside the shivering Ellen.
Dr. Hana, as they called her, was Bik's aunt, the sister-in-law of Mickey's boss. Along with others members of Brad's family, she had become a part of theirs since moving to the new house.
"What's the mat...;" he started to ask, but looking at the doctor's face he didn't finish his question. "Let me get a car. I'll be right back," he said before sprinting out the gate to the street full of cars at the front of the house.
Her fingers were gently pressing into Ellen's wrist, feeling for a pulse that could barely be detected.
A few others had asked what they could do and Dr. Hana had the same answer, which she quietly delivered into the nearest person's ear: "Help Drew to get a car ready. We need to get her to the Emergency Room as soon as soon as possible," she whispered before nodding for them to pass it on.
Even with a light sweater that someone had passed through the crowd, Ellen was still shaking, even worse than before. "I'm so cold!" she repeated over and over. It was a beautiful day, perfect for a picnic, sun shining, not too hot, very rare in their part of Ohio. So no one had much heavy clothing until Bik returned with a blanket that he had laid out for Chessie and Brady.
Quickly brushing off the small bits of grass and dirt that clung to it, Bik seemed more frantic than anyone as he carefully put the blanket around her shoulders, joined by his wife who pulled the other end of the blanket over her feet. "I've got her covered down here. Is the car ready yet?" Laura asked.
Even before she had finished, Drew returned from the search. "Our car is parked at the curb. No one is in front of it. We can pull right out. Mickey will drive."
"Let's get her in there, " Hana replied, looking at Drew as Nate then stepped up from the crowd to help.
Instinctively, Drew, Bik and Nate stooped down and positioned themselves alongside their struggling friend. They each pushed deep into the ground, digging tunnels with their hands in order to avoid pressing into her cold flesh, dirt and grass covering their fingers as they emerged on the other side.
"Ready to get her up?" Hana asked.
"Ready," they all replied in unison.
"OK, now up," she ordered as they slowly lifted themselves up off the ground. Each tried their best to stifle any grunts or groans as the strain of their own weight and the addition of a one-third of an adult human being put a grimace on each of their faces. Barely a sound was heard.
"Follow me" Mickey said quietly, relying on a wave of his right hand to complete the message.
Gently rolling Ellen into the back seat and covering her with another blanket that Robert had yanked off of the living room couch, Mickey got in front to drive and was joined by Hana. He carefully pulled out into the street for the short drive to the hospital, followed by Drew, Bik and Nate in their other car.
Mickey glanced over to ask what was happening, but Hannah was already on the phone to the hospital.
"Hi, this is...Yes... who is on ER today?"
"Dr. Fahkari? OK, good, good. I'm bringing someone in, a pregnant woman, can I talk to him?
There was a pause. Mickey then heard her greet whoever it was, but then she leaned forward, toward the windshield, whispering into the phone, clearly trying to hide her voice from Ellen in the back seat. Even with the second blanket, Mickey could hear her teeth chattering and had no doubt that she was still shaking. On one hand, he wanted to step on the gas, but on the other, he didn't want to do anything to jar or jostle her in this fragile state.
It felt like a trip around the world, but they were there in only a few minutes. The other car immediately pulled in behind them and the three guys practically jumped out to help. But there was already a doctor, nurse and two orderlies ready with a gurney. The very moment Mickey put the gearshift in park' there were people opening both back doors as they carefully positioned the gurney alongside the car. Being professionals, the staff had her out and wrapped in blankets within moments and before he knew it, they had disappeared inside the building as he heard the whoosh' of the sliding doors.
After leaving their cars haphazardly parked in the small adjacent lot reserved for emergency room patients, they all met in the Emergency Room lobby. It was a modern, bright room with blond wood furniture and pastel colors, the kind of palette that is supposed to project a sense of soothing and calm. It did neither for any of them, but at least it wasn't crowded and they could find a place to talk.
Mickey still didn't know what was happening, although he had a bad feeling, as did Drew. He was about to ask what was happening until he looked over at Bik who had turned away from them, his head in his hands.
"Are you OK?" Drew asked, putting his hand on Bik's shoulder. He thought he heard sobbing, and quickly regretted the question.
Bik turned and looked up at them both, his eyes red, on the verge of crying. "This happened to Laura with the twins. She almost..." the tears welled up in his eyes, he ran his hand through his thick, dark hair.
"It's exactly what happened to her," he continued, struggling to regain his composure. "Sepsis, then Septic shock. She was so cold, just like Ellen. I couldn't do anything. Anything! We knew that there was risk, it had happened before in her family. We thought that we were prepared, at least aware, so even the inkling of a symptom made me nervous."
"I read up on it even before the pregnancy and was paranoid the entire time. I think I drove Laura a bit nuts. I was a maniac about monitoring her. I must have seemed kind of crazy, but I wanted her and the kids to be safe. Yet even with all that preparation and awareness and watching...she barely...made it," he said, his voice faltering. He wiped his brow with his sleeves but Mickey couldn't tell if it was tears or sweat. Or both.
"It was ...awful," he continued, "and, to be honest, she's still recovering. It's an absolutely brutal illness. People might think I'm overprotective at times, but I don't give a shit. I couldn't lose her...I mean I couldn't," he repeated, again wiping the back of his hand against his eyes.
"They did the fasted C section you ever saw to save the kids. Luckily, she was pretty far along, and they were almost at term. In the end, I'm not really sure that anything I did mattered. We were just very, very, very lucky," he continued. "Very lucky," he repeated as he mindlessly gazed at a piece of pastoral art on the wall, a scene of cows lying around the ground or grazing on the prairie.
"This...um...happened to my brother Peter, too," he said, getting a confused look from Mickey and Drew.
"It was a kind of form of Sepsis," he continued. "Peter wasn't nearly as close to term as my kids, but they had to do a C section - there was no choice - and my dads understood that going into it the whole surrogacy thing. The surrogate's life was most important. Peter made it, but not without some damage. His hearing is where you're really aware of it, but there are other things, too."
"Marty mentioned that to us once." Drew replied. "He wasn't sure that Peter wanted people to know, but, um...I guess he was like you. He didn't give a damn what anyone thought, even Peter, as long as he did whatever he felt that he had to do to keep him safe."
Looking at Drew, he didn't need to draw any more analogies.
"I think Dr. Hanna, she knew exactly what it was and did all of the things that you're supposed to do, which is mostly keep her warm and get her to a hospital as fast as you can. Every second counts."
Mickey swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He'd heard of sepsis, and knew, of course, that there were multiple risks in the miracle that is childbirth. All sorts of things can go wrong. But in their blissful, hopeful, daydreamy anticipation of parenthood, especially with Ellen, it was a sobering dose of cold reality.
He thought of his brother Nate, who was standing across from him. Mickey had been the best man at his wedding the past winter and knew that his sister-in-law, Midori, was pregnant. What could this mean to them?' he thought. Nate can't help but be worried too.'
Ellen's father was on a business trip, but her mother arrived about an hour after a call from Mrs. Deringer. Mickey hardly knew her, so called his mom to ask her to deliver the news.
The other Mrs. Deringer arrived about an hour later. "Have you heard anything?" she calmly asked Mickey as the group got up from their chairs to greet her.
"A couple minutes ago our doctor friend came out. She said that they were doing tests on Ellen and monitoring the pregnancy," he replied, before introducing the rest of the group. "She said that they may need to do an emergency C-section, but we haven't heard anything since."
Mickey went on and explained what had happened and how they had rushed Ellen here as quickly as they could. This other Mrs. Deringer, who introduced herself as Carol, seemed to take it in impassively, which dumfounded him. He still had sort of hazy memories of his own mother at the hospital those years before, like images of a bad dream, pushing her way into some room with curtains and white walls, demanding to talk to someone, an unforgettable wild urgency about her. None of that sense of desperate urgency seemed to emanate from Aunt Carol.
A few minutes later, a nurse came out to their group and asked for a family member. Aunt Carol introduced herself and then followed the nurse back to the reception station security door. He heard the buzz that released the electronic lock and watched as the nurse waved her in, then followed. The latch clicked shut behind them.
*** Time seemed to drag on, but it had only been 25 minutes since his aunt had disappeared into the emergency room before Mickey's mom arrived.
"Any news?" she asked, as they all got up again from the lounge chairs.
"No... I don't know what's going on. Aunt Carol was here when they asked for relative or next of kin and she's been with them ever since."
Mrs. Deringer sighed.
"What?" Mickey asked.
"I hope she looks out for her daughter's interests," she replied.
"What do you mean?" Mickey asked, confused about her mother's surprising skepticism.
She put down her purse and took an empty place next to Nate, filling the only open chair in the small seating area the that they had commandeered since their arrival. As if she was buying time before responding, she adjusted a blouse that seemed to be fitting her just fine.
She looked down at the floor before raising her head to look at her son. "They never really wanted kids, your uncle and her. Ellen was an accident, which, at the time, they didn't seem at all shy about acknowledging. I don't think that they were ever physically abusive, you know, not like anyone needed to call Child Services. But they didn't do anything more than the minimum and sent her off to the grandparents as much as possible."
"I never knew that," Mickey responded. "But, besides knowing that her parents weren't too thrilled about her pregnancy, she never really talked about them except for just perfunctory stuff. She mentioned Grandma and Grandpa, who she seemed to know better than I did. But we never even talked much about them."
"It was kind of strange," Drew added. "It was like her life revolved around things outside of her immediate family. You saw at the baby shower - she had a ton of friends. But we were the only family."
"That doesn't surprise me. They don't seem to have ever made any kind of real family connection. Her parents - they just did their duty - put a roof over her head, three meals a day, all that stuff, which, I suppose, is better than a lot of folks do these days. And I can't blame your grandparents - they were older and neither was in great health even then. So they had an excuse for being less than surrogate parents. But the real parents...," she continued, shaking her head.
"I don't think that I ever saw them show any real affection for her, which was surprising, considering the affection for kids that Ellen herself seems to have."
"Oh yeah," Bik added. "She loves Chessie and Brady, and, of course, Chessie can't get enough of her. It's hard to believe that she grew up in circumstances like that."
"I agree," Mickey added. I originally thought that her parents had some kind of moral objection to her pregnancy. It never occurred to me that the objection was so much more prosaic. Like she might ask them to babysit or something."
Eagerly planning his own family with Drew, Mickey could hardly understand why people didn't like or want kids. It was a lot of work for them as a gay couple, especially with the huge complications surrounding a surrogate birth, not to mention the not insignificant expense. But having kids – wow! For him and Drew, it seemed like one of the essential things about their relationship, and they were planning it out with all the care, calculation and diligence that they thought it deserved.
Maybe he was underestimating what it took to raise kids, Mickey briefly imagined to himself. Maybe he didn't realize what they'd have to give up. How it would affect their lives. What it really took to raise a child.
But then, he still couldn't see anything he had that would compare to creating and nurturing this life, this person that is a child.
"Mickey?" his mother asked, rousing him from his thoughts.
"Oh, sorry, just thinking for a second...um...anyway, I guess I shouldn't judge. Whatever it was, they did what they did. I guess that Drew and I just feel differently."
Mrs. Deringer was about to answer when another nurse emerged from the security door and approached the group.
"Is one of you Ellen's Aunt?"
"That's me, his Mom replied, standing up and turning toward the nurse.
"Ellen's mom has asked if you could step in."
"Yes, of course." she replied as the nurse led her back toward the door. They both paused before being buzzed in.
Just as the door shut behind them, Bik's phone rang with a drum roll, his signature for Laura. He spoke to her quietly, not wanting to disturb the rest of the people who were now starting to fill the formerly quiet waiting room, the usual Saturday night activity blip from weekend drinking and carousing.
As he spoke into to phone, Mickey noticed him again nervously running his hands through his hair. The voice was even and rational, as quiet as it was, but the other hand, with the phone, was clearly shaking. Whatever were his words into the phone, they did not match his body language.
After a moment, he hit the end call button and looked at the Drew and Mickey.
"Laura asked how we are doing, and I told her what we knew. But I could tell from her voice that she's really tired, especially having to handle both the kids and being on her feet all day," he said. "Would you all mind," he started to asked, looking at Nate, too, "if I went back? I want to be here if you need me, but I'm not sure what else I can do right now."
"Of course! Take care of your family. There's not a lot that any of us can do anyway at this point. Mickey and I can stay on top of things here. You should definitely go. We'll let you know any news asap," Drew answered.
"I'll go with you," Nate volunteered. "We'll get an Uber. You could use some company, and Drew and Mickey and my mom can stay here.
"I'm OK, Nate, but thanks. I can..." he started to say before Nate waved him off. Before Bik even had a chance, Nate had already pulled out his phone and brought up the app.
"Thanks, Nate," he said, patting him on the shoulder.
"Don't hesitate to call, OK?" he said, turning back to the rest of them. "Laura said that everyone wants to know what's going on and I can tell that she's worried. I can be the messenger if you need it."
"Will do," Drew replied, as Nate and Bik walked through the double doors, that same `whooshing' sound following them, too.
After not hearing from his mother after almost an hour, Mickey could no longer bear the wait and stepped up to the receptionist's window.
"Can you tell me about Ellen Deringer?" Mickey asked through the sketchy microphone built into the window.
"Could you tell me who you are?" he seemed to reply. The glass was so thick and the microphone distorted the voice that he could barely hear the question.
"I'm Mickey Deringer, her cousin. My Aunt and my mom are both inside and I wanted to see...oh just a sec..." he cut off as he looked up and saw his Mom coming out behind the receptionist. "Excuse me," he said to the nurse as he turned away and stepped toward the door to meet her.
"What's going on?" Mickey asked before the door even closed behind her. "How is everyone? Are you OK?" he added, sensing stress in her eyes.
"Ellen is in a coma, but they delivered the babies. They're both fine," she said, "but they don't know about Ellen. This whole thing moved really fast. I think her liver failed not long after she got here."
"Dr. Hana can explain it better. She said she'd be out in a few minutes."
"Is she going to be all right?" Drew asked. He and Nate had quickly stepped up when they saw Mrs. Deringer come out the door.
Squinting her eyes, her whole face pinched, she could barely speak. "I don't know. It doesn't look..." she answered. Drew and Nate positioned themselves on either side of her, as she seemed to wobble as she spoke.
"I'm...OK," she said as she pulled a tissue from her purse and dabbed her eyes."
"Clare Deringer?" they seemed to hear from the odd, nasal-like emanation of the microphone.
She turned toward the receptionist's window.
"The doctor and the other family member have asked you to step back in, if you don't mind. "'
"Of course," she replied, replacing the tissue in her purse. "Can I take my son and his husband with me? They are right here," she said, nodding at them. "And my other son, too?"
The receptionist did a double take looking at Drew and Mickey. He stared for moment at Mickey, who couldn't tell if it was because of his face or his marital status. But then he turned back toward his mom. "Um...just two visitors maximum right now, unless we hear from the doctor or nurse," he said, adding, "but ask when you're there and the doctor or nurse can let more people join you."
The guys took their seats again. The lobby activity seemed to calm done somewhat. Neither one of them was even very aware of time, but they both agreed to call Bik and his family to update them. Drew also called his sister to update her, as she had met Ellen once during the summer on a weekend visit to their cottage and they seemed to hit it off pretty well.
After another half-hour Drew was now the one getting anxious and was about to get up and go see the receptionist when the heavy latch opened and Mickey's mom again emerged.
She looked drained as they both quickly stepped up to her.
Mrs. Deringer couldn't look at either of them and seemed to steel herself, her frame rigid. "Ellen has died, kidney failure, then everything failed," she said. "It just cascaded. There was nothing they could do."
"Are you OK?" Drew asked, stepping close to her. His arm went along her waist to steady her. Mickey thought that she never looked so small.
She just shook her head up and down for a weak but unconvincing `yes.'
Mickey wanted to cry, but held it in as Drew reached over with his other hand, putting it on his shoulder.
"But there is something else. This isn't simple," she added.
"What?" Mickey asked, sniffling, trying to keep himself in one piece.
She didn't' answer at first.
"Mom?" Drew's anxiety was now in his voice.
"Um... his parents don't want the children."
"What!?" Mickey responded. Drew and Nate just looked stunned
"It's a long story, but, like I said, they never even wanted her. She was an accident. As I said earlier, they did have the good sense and mercy not to literally broadcast that, but their behavior said it as clearly as words. These kids will be a lot better of somewhere else, believe me."
"So... I felt like I had to make a decision, or this would go all wrong," she said. She was the one who led them down this road with Ellen, at least got them in contact with her, and they had the freedom to develop the friendship or not. But now it had taken a far more serious turn.
"I hope that you guys are OK with this, but I offered you both up as parents. It was an awkward moment, but the only other fate that I could see for them was foster care. Your grandparents aren't around anymore. They would have been the only other candidates. I hope that was OK with both of you. If not, you don't need to do anything. But they'll be asking you."
Drew looked at Mickey – he couldn't seem to move or acknowledge what was happening.
Turning toward him, Drew put both hands on Mickey's shoulders. "Are you OK?" he asked, gripping him firmly, almost like he was propping him up.
"It's not fair, Drew. She wanted to raise those kids," he said. He repeated himself, looking down at the Drew's feet. "It's not fair..."
Drew gently squeezed his shoulders. "I know Mickey, I know," he replied. "But she's not here anymore and we need to decide."
Mickey looked around, at his Mom, then back at Drew. "What would she want?" The voice was a whisper.
"She would want someone who would love them, Mickey. Unconditionally, no matter what," Drew answered.
"She really wanted this," Mickey replied, not exactly answering him. "She was so happy. We'd raise our kids together. It was going to be great. This isn't how it was supposed to be," he continued, his eyes reddening.
"I know, I know," Drew replied, maintaining his grip. The disconnect in Mickey's thoughts was the surest sign about how traumatized he was.
"What if I'm not good enough to be a Dad?" he suddenly asked, looking at Drew
"I know that I would love them, but you can't be the only strong one. What if I don't have the patience or get angry, or...turn into a bad person? You know, I've got that in me," he stated like a guilty plea, his voice falling.
Stepping between them, his Mom took his hand in hers. "Mickey, I know what you're thinking, that, you'll hurt them, that you've got something evil inside you. But you don't have anything like that. You're nothing like you're father and I've known that since you were just a baby. I don't know where you got it from, but you have nothing but good in you. That's who you are!"
"And I told Nate the same thing," she added.
"He was worried, too?" Mickey asked, wiping his face with his sleeve as he turned toward her.
"Yes, he was, just like you. He thought that there might be a monster inside him, because of your Dad. Like you, he worries about his family. But Midori wasn't at all concerned. She knows who he is. And so do I."
"Mickey, I can't imagine better parents than you and Drew, and Nate and Midori," she continued as she reached up and straightened the collar on his shirt.
"But I'll tell you something else, too," she added, now gripping it tightly. "These kids need you and they need you right now! Like all sorts of things in parenthood, you can't plan out everyone's life. This stuff happens, but now is the time that you need to step up,"
Mickey wiped his eyes again and then looked at Drew. "Can we do this?" he asked, his voice still shaky.
"We can," Drew replied, pulling his head close and kissing him on his wet cheek. "You'll be a wonderful dad. We can do it."