This is a true story. I have decided to keep some of the names as they are. Some I have changed because they are truly innocent. The only thing to remember is that this is only my side of the story. Maybe the perspective of the others is quite different. Then again, I have a feeling they'll never talk about it.
I intend to write about other experiences that I have had, but only if I hear back from enough people. I am not going to say how many that will take, but enough to show that there is an interest. Write to: VanyelAshkev@aol.com Or ICQ# 11938988
The Mental Games People Play Series: ------------------------------------
Lee's Game: part 2 of 2
Chapter 6
We sat on the couch in his living room without talking for a few minutes. Then, his roommate came home, boyfriend in tow. I decided that it was time to leave. I glanced over to Lee and caught him staring at Eric. Lovely, just lovely. I really began to suspect that there was something going on. I was also pretty sure that it involved Eric. Lee coughed and turned back to me. I told him it was time for me to go. He agreed.
He walked me down to his front door. Then the bombshell landed. He told me that he couldn't handle how things were going. He thought it would be a good idea if we didn't see each other any more. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He also said that he couldn't deal with getting involved and then moving like he was planning. I stared at him for a moment and then asked him why the hell he had slept with me. He claimed he thought he could deal with it at the time, but now he realized that he couldn't.
I was stunned. I told him that I knew going in that our time together would be limited. I told him that I was starting to care about him, but was willing to let him go when he moved so far away. He did have the grace to blush and look uncomfortable as I spoke. When it finally dawned on me that he wasn't going to say anything further, I turned away and walked slowly to my truck. I didn't look back or say goodbye.
I cried on the long drive home. I got out of the truck and stood in the darkness, staring at the sky. Tears just kept pouring down my face. I went inside and sat down on the floor in the living room. I stared out of the big bay window until the sun came up. My boss got up early that morning and found me still sitting there on the floor with my knees up under my chin and my arms wrapped around my shins. I wasn't actually crying but the tears were still pretty steady. He sat down in his bathrobe in an armchair across from me. He just waited to see if I wanted to talk about it.
I had been taking care of his kids for a year. His wife had died of cancer 6 months before. She was the one that hired me before any of us knew she was sick. Both had known before hand that I was gay. I took care of her and the kids during her illness. I had planned on leaving after her death due to my dislike of him. I couldn't leave the youngest though. He was 4 now and very attached to me. It would have wrecked him to lose his mom and me both. I ended up staying until he was through with kindergarten. That's another story though.
I finally did talk and just gave my boss the bare facts of what had happened. He said nothing and let me talk it out. When I was done, he still didn't say anything. I did feel better. He made a joke about fickleness and asked if I felt a little better. I told him yeah, I did. He just smiled and got up to go make coffee. I went to bed. This night had been a little long.
Chapter 7
The rest of Saturday was a blur. It was hard to focus on anything unless it was right in front of me. Cindy called and wanted to know how Friday had gone. I told her most of it but left out my suspicions about Eric. She got very quiet and asked me what I was going to do about the trip to Lompoc. Shit! I hadn't thought that through. Something else to dwell on, I guess. She made arrangements to get together after I got back from Santa Barbara the following weekend. I would stop off at her house before going to mine.
I thought about it long and hard. When I make an offer, I don't retract it lightly. There was no point in being petty and I saw no reason not to take him up to his parents. It was not as if we weren't going to be parting anyway. So it seemed at the time. More details came later that showed how bad this situation really was. I had no idea what was real about this and what was something else altogether. I just knew that one plus one did not add up to three.
The rest of the day sucked royally. I avoided the kids and their dad. Even TV seemed liked a joke. Nothing could interest me. After a few pages, my patience left and the book I was trying to read flew across the room. My anger was building now. Pieces were falling into place one by one as my memory sifted through the last two weeks. This whole situation was just plain wrong.
I didn't sleep well that night. What the hell was I going to do? My emotions were in turmoil. It still stung that he had slept with before saying anything about not wanting to go any further down a road that was not going anywhere in the first place. On the other hand, what I had said was just as stupid. Being willing to have just the time until he left. What did that imply? Great, that this here boy is a sucker. I finally dozed off despite being really pissed off by then.
Chapter 8
Sunday afternoon brought the next shock wave. Lee actually had the balls to call me. I was speechless while he was on the line. After a couple of false starts, he asked if I was playing in the pool tournament tonight. The gall of that question coming from him kept me speechless. Finally, I was able to say no, I wasn't planning on going. I was proud that I showed nothing of what I felt in my voice. He said, oh, and then said thanks, bye, hanging up quickly. What the fuck was that about?
An hour before the tournament, I changed my mind. I was going. There was no way that I was going to let anyone dictate my reactions and what I would do. Things felt a little better after that decision was arrived at. We'll see what happens. Besides, why let the entire weekend go out the window. I refused to think about how much I hurt. The ache in my chest was pretty nasty. I went and took a shower. Then, after getting dressed, there was nothing to do but go to the bar.
I got there about 15 minutes before the tournament was due to start. Didn't look like there would be many players tonight. That's fine by me. I am a mediocre player at best. I have a particular nerve disorder that causes my hands to shake slightly. With adrenaline, the shaking becomes more pronounced. Quite a handicap in a game that calls for precise force, impact and aim. I still do pretty well. I just ignore it. Most people don't notice it until I have a surge and then my hands are often hidden if I can do anything about it. Like I said, I get by all right.
About halfway through the tournament, it happened. Lee walked through the door. He wasn't alone. Eric was with him. Before even looking around, they stopped in the doorway and kissed for a long time. My blood froze and then boiled. When they finally broke off the kiss, Lee looked my way and then shrugged. He walked over to where I was waiting for my turn to play.
"I thought you weren't coming," he said.
"I changed my mind." I answered.
"Oh." was all he said.
I asked him if I could talk to him outside for a minute. He reluctantly agreed. We went out front and stood on the sidewalk. I asked him why? He looked confused for a minute before answering. He told me that he couldn't deal with me knowing how he felt before he did. He also said that he didn't want to hurt me. `Right!' I thought to myself. He said he wanted to keep my friendship. I told him that I meant what I said. I would still drive him to his parents. All the arrangements were made for the following week. He looked really uncomfortable again. He asked if I was sure. I told him yes, I was. He said fine.
We walked back in and he went straight to Eric for another kiss. I just froze inside. I decided that this was some kind of game he was playing with me. There was no way that I was going to lose it. The object seemed to be to get me to leave before they did. It wasn't going to happen if I could help it. I lost the tournament by more of a margin than usual for me. Damn it! I could feel the tears in my eyes threatening to over flow. There was no way that I could do that in plain sight of them. I choked them back.
Then something unexpected happened. Lee's friend, Marvin, came in. He looked over at Lee and then at me. He scowled then walked over to me. We sat at the bar and Marv listened to what I told him about the weekend. He agreed with me that I shouldn't surrender my dignity and leave before them. He stayed with me, sometimes talking, more often not. It was totally comforting to have someone outside the situation agree with me about what was going on. Lee and Eric stayed until closing. Often they made sure to stay within my peripheral vision. Marv patted my hand and told me to hold on, the night is almost over. He was so sweet. Fortunately, I was friends with the bartender and he wanted me and Marv to stay after he closed up. I was grateful. This meant that Lee and Eric had to leave when everyone else did at 2. I won by default. Yeah, I know, small, futile victory, but I needed something, even if petty.
After the doors were locked, I burst into tears. Marv put my head on his shoulder and let me cry myself out. It took quite a while. When I could finally pull myself together again, he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him that I really didn't know. I just didn't want to be alone tonight. He smiled at me and said, "Then you won't be. Come with me." With that settled, we said goodnight to the bartender and left.
Chapter 9
Turned out that Marv worked at the Ramada. It was part of the Riverside Convention Center. He was a bartender himself. When he had long double shifts, the hotel compted a room for him. Apparently he could also let those compts build up if he didn't use them. Tonight, he used it. We got a key and went up. It was a decent room, nothing major though. I threw myself into a chair and just collapsed mentally. It had been a long hard night. Marv sat on the bed and flipped the TV on. I was in such a funk that I didn't pay any attention to him.
After a few minutes, he turned the TV off. He asked me if I was OK. I nodded and just sat there. Marv got off the bed and came over to me. He sat himself on the floor in front of me and took my hands in his. We talked for about an hour like that. He was a good listener too. I looked up into his eyes. He smiled gently and asked if I wanted to be distracted. I was confused about what he meant. He waited a few moments and then brought my hands up to his lips. He kissed them both gently and raised an eyebrow in inquiry. Now I understood. What the hell, why not? He was attractive, sweet and available. I asked if he wanted more than I could give right now. He asked, in return, if I meant something long-term. I nodded. He said that no, he thought that maybe we could be really good friends. With, perhaps, certain intimacies. I thought about it and nodded again. I could handle that. He smiled slightly again.
He rose to his feet in a fluid motion. He lifted me up by my hands, which he was still holding. He was about 3 inches taller than my own 6"2". It was kinda nice to have to look up for a change. He was whipcord thin, but with very well defined musculature. Medium length brown hair. Beautiful brown eyes that had such depths of sympathy right now. His skin was very smooth, pale and nearly hairless. He walked me over to the bed and sat us down. He brought my head to his chest and we just sat for a while. My hands crept out of his and around his waist. I could hear his heartbeat. It was slow and steady. Looking down at his lap, I could also see that he was highly turned on right now.
He kissed the top of my head lightly and began to massage my shoulders. It felt wonderful right now. My back and neck were a tangle of painful knots. He moved himself back further onto the bed, then laid me out flat on my stomach. He straddled my ass and leaned into the muscles he was working on. It hurt at first but as each knot melted, I could feel the tension fading. His hands moved up under my shirt. They caressed my entire back. He pulled my shirt up over my head and then totally off of me. Back to work he went. His weight was pushing down on my ass. When he worked on my lower back, his fingers would trail under my waistband slightly, then further and further.
Finally, I decided to take the next step myself. I turned slightly and asked him to get up. He removed himself and sat at my side. I unbuttoned his work shirt and pulled it from him. Then unbuttoned his pants. He smiled down at me and stayed completely still saying nothing. I put my forefinger in the center of his chest and pushed firmly. He let himself fall backwards onto the bed. I unzipped his pants and tugged them down and off of him. He was wearing black briefs under his slacks. His erection was straining against the fabric. Impressive. About 8"'s, I think. Sliding my hands under him, I grab the back of his underwear and slide my hands back around to his front. I release him from the straining fabric and smack! His dick flips up against his flat stomach. His underwear slides down his body and lands on the floor. He lies there, watching and smiling.
Once he is completely naked, he sits back up and undoes my jeans. He wiggles them down my legs and they join the rest of the pile on the floor. My briefs he leaves on me for now. He leans over and kisses me thoroughly. When his lips leave mine, I let myself fall back onto the mattress. He laughs approvingly and starts kissing my toes. He moves up my legs, kissing the entire way. When he reaches the briefs, he grips them with his teeth and pulls them off of me. Now we are on equal footing, so to speak. My dick is throbbing now. He takes it in his hand, then pumps it slowly.
After a few seconds of this, he takes me into his mouth. His tongue slips up the underside of my roaring hard-on. Marv grunts softly as I bend sideways and reach out for his dick. The movement has thrust me further into his throat. He swallows me whole. It feels so good. He is very skilled. Within seconds he has me writhing about in total abandon. All this while, I am stroking him. The hardness of him stimulates me further. I moan into the pillow.
Just when I think that I can't take any more, that I will explode, he draws back from me. He gets up quickly, reaches into a bag that he had brought up with him from the car. It is a small bottle of lube. He whispers that he never leaves home for over night without it. He then hesitantly asks if he can fuck me. The look of hope on his face is so precious. I consent with a slight nod. He smiles shyly. Then he carefully applies a generous amount to the tight opening of my ass. After slicking himself up too, he gently lifts my legs over his upper arms. Slowly, he pushes against my burning opening. I want him in me bad.
Once his knob penetrates, he holds perfectly still until I no longer grip him like a vice. Once I release the strangle hold on the end of his dick, he leans into me. I almost scream with the slowness that he is entering me. I raise my hips using my legs on his arms. He gasps as I thrust up onto him. He is finally embedded all the way. My head is moving from side to side on its own now. The sensation of him is awe- inspiring. His rhythm is so slow, but builds up quickly. In minutes, his is slamming into me hard enough that I am sliding up the bed to the headboard. As I whack into it at a rate of twice a second, I almost start giggling. Talk about learning a new meaning for an old name!
I love the way he is fucking me extra hard. The impact of his groin against my ass sends waves of shock and pleasure all the way through me. All thoughts of laughing are long gone now. His stamina is miraculous. As he begins to get close to losing his load in me, he begins to jack me off. All new feelings flood through me. I spew forth my cum in minutes. The contractions of my ass grab onto him fiercely. He explodes with his own orgasm as I am ending mine. He leans further and kisses me hard. He withdraws. I go into the bathroom and take a quick shower. He does his when I am done. Well, he was right. I hadn't had a thought about Lee during the whole encounter on the bed.
It is nearly dawn now. I tell Marv that I need to get home. I have to get the kids up for school soon. He drives me back to my truck and sees me off. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. Then he scribbles down his home phone number and puts it into my hand with a real kiss this time. I am feeling a lot better now. He is such a great guy. The type that can be a real friend.
I drive home and get the kids going for the day. Then their dad leaves for work. He'll be gone for the rest of the week. He's a big rig driver and gone a lot. I only have the weekends off. The rest of the day goes well. I really do like taking care of the kids. Marv and I got together a couple of other times, but we stopped to keep the friendship. He really did turn out to be a good guy. Just not a boyfriend.
Chapter 10
Two days later I got another call from Lee. He informed me that a friend was loaning him a car. This made it possible for him to stay in Riverside and continue to look for work here. He was not going to go up north to his parents after all. Lee also apologized for what happened on Sunday. I was stunned. Not going? He was waffling about something else too. I ask him to just spit it out. He then claimed that he really did care about me. I said nothing.
After I got my thoughts in order, I told him that it sucked. I was stuck with going to Santa Barbara now. I had called relatives and friends. They were expecting me to come. He told me that he would give me the gas money anyway. I agreed that he should. I also told me that if he really cared about me as he claimed, then he needed to think about some things. He needed to decide where we were going from here. Did he want to continue with me and see where it led, or just stop where we were now? I told him to take until I got back from Santa Barbara to think it through. I then said bye and hung up.
This sucked royally. I really couldn't figure out what the deal was with him. It was like he couldn't totally leave me alone, but was also trying to keep away from me. He hadn't been around me enough to know that I am not a terribly forgiving person. Yes, technically, we weren't together when he took Eric out. But the next day? Come on! I couldn't trust him.
I called Cindy and told her the latest developments since we had talked last. She was furious. A lot angrier than I thought she would be. She told me to try and enjoy the trip. Just ignore the bastard. Sounded like a plan to me. Oh well, I hadn't seen these people in a couple of years. It was a little overdue. I told her I would call her when I got back on Sunday. I was going to leave Saturday morning.
I got every thing packed the night before and into my truck. Had my CD player with about 10 CD's ready to go. Stocked up on provisions too. 3, 1-liter bottles of Dr. Pepper and a huge bag of Dorito's for munching on the drive. I went and got new tennis shoes for the trip. My old ones were pretty ratty. I also made a trip over to Lee's to pick up the money he had promised. He came to the door with it and didn't have much to say. I told him that I would call him when I got back and we could hash it out. Turning my back on him, I walked away without saying bye.
Chapter 11
The next morning I didn't feel like going. I dragged my feet until almost 11:00am. It just didn't feel right. I was about to pick up the phone and call the relatives with an excuse when my Mom called. She told me to get my butt out the door and up north. Great, just great. She kept at me until she was sure that I was thoroughly guilt tripped (Jewish mother, remember?) and that I was actually going. Fine, she wins, I go.
Thankfully, I had mapped it out in advance. This was going to be my first long trip by myself. Never had gone anywhere without someone along or following me in another car. Maybe that was all that was giving me the jitters. Turns out, I should have ignored Mom and listened to that voice that said not to go.
I got through the maze of Los Angeles in about an hour and it looked like I would make Santa Barbara in another hour and a half. Traffic wasn't heavy, but not empty either. Just as I hit Westlake Village, I got stuck in a pocket of traffic. I had a huge 4-wheel drive in front of me. On my right side was a big semi. Behind me was another semi. I am in the lane next to the fast lane. I also absolutely hate being boxed in. Scares the hell out of me. Too many horror stories that my boss had told me about semi accidents and smaller vehicles.
I push up my turn signal and give a really quick glance over my left shoulder. Didn't see anyone. I pull over toward the fast lane and then hear a horn blaring. I was about 2 inches from the side mirror of a car. They had been in my blind spot when I looked. I turned the wheel back toward my old lane and stepped on the brake. OK, so far. Then my foot slipped off the brake and onto the gas. This happened at the same time that I was turning back into my own lane.
Naturally, it got worse in a hurry. Due to my angle, and the sudden acceleration, I plowed right into the wheel well of the semi. My right front fender was caught between the tire and the wheel well. The semi's tire was actually pulling the front end of my truck into it. You know, like one of those old-fashioned sardine cans that you have to open with a key to roll back the lid? Well, the semi's wheel was the key and my poor truck us the lid. I could hear the crunch as it got further and further along my truck. OK, time to do something before I get munched.
I hauled on my steering wheel as hard as I could. Must have been enough, because I ripped out the entire fuel system for the semi. I also blew both tires on the right side of my truck. This left me in a spin back toward the fast lane. I missed hitting anyone else as I spun, by sheer luck. Then I hit the center divider head on. Up and over went my body. I hit the passenger side of the windshield. Left a nice crater and flew back into the driver's seat as the truck finally stopped with the tailgate against the concrete center wall. It had done another half spin to end up that way. That entire time, I was aware of one thing. I was PISSED! Not afraid, not panicked, just pissed.
My luck was now out. I was just sitting there. Some of the traffic stopped. On the other side of the divider, a doctor had pulled over and hopped the wall. He got to me first. Turns out, I needed one and didn't know it. My forehead was cut up from the windshield. I had also cut open the side of my right ring finger without knowing it. Bleed lots. The really piece de resistance was the broken collarbone. I had hit the steering wheel on my way back into the driver's seat. No, I wasn't wearing a seat belt. Yeah, dumb, I know. Apparently, it wasn't my time to die. I should have gone through the damn windshield.
When the doctor tried to move me, we found out two things. One, I could not move my right arm. It was tangled up in the steering wheel and I couldn't get it to work at all. The doctor told me it might be broken. Funny, didn't remember feeling anything break. The second thing we found was very odd. Remember, I said I had my CD player on the seat next to me? Well, the strap from the case was completely wrapped around the stick shift. It was also totally wrapped around my right ankle. Have no idea how that happened either. It kept me from going out the windshield.
An ambulance showed up shortly. As I was transferred from the truck to it, I got to see the area of effect from the accident. My CD's were scattered all over the ground for yards around. Also, Dorito's as far as the eye could see. Literally. I almost giggled. Got over that real fast. The pain from my broken collarbone finally nailed me. God, the pain was hideous.
Chapter 12
I think I will skip the actual hospital examine, x- rays, stitches and misery, plus the added joy of no health insurance. Not something all that wonderful to relive, even through the written word. Sides, it's making my collarbone ache as I think about it. I am jumping to the point where they finally release me. OK, no truck. No way home. Lots of pain. I called my Mom. She finally answered and accepted the collect call. I told her what had happened as calmly as I could. Then I asked if she could come get me. She burst into tears. Her muscular dystrophy had flared up earlier that day and she couldn't drive. I ended up in tears at that point. I told her I would be OK and find a different way home. She told me she would call the relatives so they would know what was going on.
I just sat there in the waiting room for a while. My head was getting all foggy from the heavy medication they had given me. Finally, I got up the nerve to call Cindy. I told her what had happened and asked her if she could come get me. A very short pause came. Then she said she would be here in an hour and not to worry. Then she hung up. I just collapsed into a chair. Less than forty minutes later, there she was. I could see the horror on her face when she got a look at me. She got me into the car and asked me where they had towed the truck to. We should get my things out of it now. I handed her the papers the sheriff had given me. It had the place in it somewhere.
She drove us over. We went into the garage and looked at my truck. She looked for a long time at the windshield and then looked at me. Back to the windshield and then me again. Very quietly, she said with awe that I should be dead. Now that I could see the outside of the truck, I had to agree with her. A minor miracle that I hadn't died. We got most of my things and left. She drove me to a Denny's to try and get me to eat something. All I had had today was Dorito's. I almost laughed at the looks people gave me when we were being seated. My shirt was shredded and half blood stained. I had this lovely cut on my right temple that still had dried blood on it. And my arm in a sling with no cast. Cindy sighed and told me to go wash up.
When I got to the bathroom, thankfully no one was there. The mirror showed me what everyone else was seeing. I looked like I had been put through a meat grinder. The walking dead look was just not me. Washing took forever with one hand. Finally finished and looked a small sight better. Nothing could be done about my bloody clothes until I got home.
While we ate, Cindy listened to the entire story from start to finish. Everything. The look on her face hardened and soon was a scowl. She was furious with Lee. She's not a woman to piss off without thinking. She bench-presses a hell of a lot more than I weigh. Finally, we finished eating and she drove me home. The first pothole we hit, I yelped. She just glared at me and said that what I got for not wearing a seat belt in the first place. She told me she wouldn't lecture me about the accident, but that didn't stop her from making the ride home painful, literally.
Chapter 13
I didn't sleep all that well, as you can imagine. Enough of this bullshit, I told myself. Sunday afternoon I called Lee. I told him about the accident and that my truck was totaled. He didn't say one word. I then said that I would like an answer to the question I had asked him Friday. He wanted to know if I really wanted to do this now. Hell yes, I said. I am on painkillers and could careless. He said that the answer was to go our separate ways. Fine by me, I said and hung up on him. The last word is best.
The following weekend played out the last of my part in this tale. Cindy took me to the bar. She just sat and drank for an hour. She didn't say a word to anyone. The bartender was looking really worried now. Cindy is usually the most talkative person in any environment. Her silence was scary. He finally took me aside and asked me if I could find out what was with her. I agreed, curious myself. She finally answered my repeated questions as to why we were there. The answer was as scary as we thought. She was planning on waiting for Lee to show and then she was going to break both of his arms. She was dead serious and meant every word of it. The bartender almost panicked. So did I for that matter. I really didn't want to see her end up in jail over this. After an hour, I convinced her to take me home. It was the hardest thing I have ever managed to do.
The bartender told me later that Lee showed up half an hour after I finally got her out of there. Close call. On the way home she told me why she was so angry. Apparently, at the every beginning of all this she had talked with Lee about me. It was when she had left me at the pool table and gone to talk to him about me. She had told him then that I was shy and that she knew I really liked him. When he indicated his own interest in me, she encouraged him to go talk to me. She also told him that she would take it very personally if I ended up getting hurt by him. I laughed at her when she finally fessed up. I told her that was the last time I was letting her set me up! I also told her that it was OK, there was no way she could have known what would happen. I pointed out that she had stuck by me through the whole fiasco.
Epilogue
Just so you know why this was all a game, here's what I found out 2 weeks later. Lee had been dating Eric the entire time. He never told anyone else that he was going home. Then, he disappeared. No one knew where he had gone, not even his ex-roommate. The roommate was furious about Lee stealing his boyfriend. Rightly so, I believe.
We finally came to the conclusion that Lee wanted a grand exit from Riverside. He wanted a broken heart left behind him. When I didn't react the way he thought I would, I was out of the picture. Eric apparently did fit the bill. He didn't tell Eric he was leaving. Guess he learned not to say anything from me! So, when things looked like they would be the way he wanted, Lee took off for parts unknown. What a damn drama queen! Judge for yourself based on my perspective here. Am I wrong?
Oh, and just one side note. Cindy and I both believe that if I had had a passenger, the accident probably would not have happened. The blind spot for me would be plainly visible to anyone sitting in the shotgun seat. Then again, maybe not. I'll never know for sure. I do have pictures of the truck after the accident. Evidence of the story's truth, if you like.
------------------------------------------------------ So ends the first story. Life's tough, no? I have a list put together of other stories to write. Each is very different in the type of mind game that was played. This is the only one that I actually got physically hurt in. Want more? Let me know. :)