Men Seeking Men- Part One
Copyright 2002 by any_mouse2003. All rights reserved.
If graphic depictions of sexual acts between concenting adults is illegal in your jurisdiction, or if you are under the age of 18, please stop reading now.
This is a work of fiction and in no way draws on the lives of any specific person or persons. Any similarity to actual persons or events is entirely coincidental. This work is copyrighted by the author and may not be reproduced in any form without the specific written permission of the author. It is assigned to the Nifty Archives under the terms of their submission agreement but it may not be copied or archived on any other site without the written permission of the author.
PLEASE: In a perfect world AIDS doesn't exist. My characters try to deal with the issue of unprotected sex but are human. I hope you use proper precautions.
I made it through the week, not an inconsequential accomplishment in this strange year. I made it through Saturday, too. I wrote a little and did laundry and got some physical activity. I felt horny and on a whim, I called up the web site of the Blade, the local gay paper. Since I started the long slow march to my divorce I had stayed away from computer contact with the gay world. I now knew enough to know that if it was on the computer's hard drive, it was recoverable by anyone who knew even a modicum of techno-savvy. Lists of web sites, temporarily saved imaged that were invisible and present forever. Both of my sons were achieving those skills. I had found some strange images in my sleuthing, trying to see what they were up too when we were not watching. I once called up an image file at random from a long list and saw a handsome young man with an improbably large erection, his face screwed up in passion, the first jets of his orgasm shooting upward under a clear blue sky. Los Angeles, I thought. I wondered who had summoned this picture to the hard-drive.
But there seemed little reason for caution now. I had a lap-top at my little apartment, and I frankly didn't care anymore what my future ex-wife or her rapacious lawyer could divine about the crannies of my mind. I had to be discrete, of course, because of the potential impact on my job. But even the career was in the concluding phase. I had accomplished all that I desired in the professional arena. It was a magic time in my life. By that I do not mean glittering good. More a sense of giddy freedom, with the knowledge that the abyss beckoned to me. But the abyss will take me anyway at some point. I will now encounter it on my own terms.
I clicked on the icons and looked through the "personals." I wondered how the market was doing since the big metropolitan dailies started to carry gay ads. This had once been the only outlet for alternate life-styles, a revolutionary vanguard of sexuality. There were six categories. One each for bisexuals (a short list- if you were in this paper there was little need for a fig-leaf), women, and men seeking the same for a continuing relationship. One for brief encounters that shouted out: danger! And one each for men and women who had passed briefly and shared a sidelong look. In a crowded place, a bar or supermarket, who had been unable to say what they felt. A mechanism to take a second chance at a passing fancy.
I was not unfamiliar with the ad game. When I felt the most trapped in my marriage I would sometimes scan the pages of the gay paper, careful never to keep a copy, reading in coffee houses during breaks I found in my job in the city. It was pleasant to daydream about casual sex. But as my marriage became increasingly two hostile camps under one roof I began to think about actually acting out on my daydreams. One problem was responding to the ads. The game was that there was a substantial charge to respond by phone, and it would leave a record. I mailed a few responses, but realized there was no way I could leave my work number, much less take a call at home.
It appeared that the smart way to do this act of unfaithfulness was to place my own ad. I composed one mentally, finally screwing up my courage to go to the advertising department of the paper and pay to have it published in cash. Untraceable. That also meant traveling to the paper to pick up the responses. It was quite an adventure, and I will never forget the lovely lady who worked as a receptionist. She told me I had beautiful eyes. I thanked her, wondering that while soliciting sex from men in the greater metropolitan area I was still attracted to this lady. The nature of sex is an eternal mystery to me.
Over the months I placed several different ads, screening the dozens of responses which ranged from the bizarre to the appealing. For the most part it remained a process of mental arousal. But there was an increasing desire to consummate one of the exchanges.. I arranged assignments, sometimes seeing the man I arranged to meet. But I was never able to bring myself to actually walk up to them and consummate the rendezvous. Anonymous sex was too dangerous, and the thrill was only in the sick feeling in my belly that I was capable of this desire. I composed a list of likely men I might call back. I toyed with it, dreamily imagining scenes of intense passion.
One of the letters contained a phone number, and I went to Herndon to meet a recently divorced bureaucrat for an early coffee. It was an uneasy meeting, neither of us quite sure what would develop. There were no sparks, and I thanked him for his time and left for an appointment in Maryland. The closer I got, the urge more insistent, the more the risk of exposing myself. The thrill was in the anticipation, I concluded, not in the act. But it was insistent and building. A few weeks later I arranged to meet a young man at a strip mall off Route 7. He was standing where we had agreed, and after an awkward introduction, I agreed to follow him to his house. As I drove behind him I thought how insane this behavior was, and yet how exciting. I noted a butterfly net in the back of his little white Ford Fiesta. I asked him if he was an entomologist, and he said he was. At some point he asked me if I was married. I said I was. He had kissed me ferociously, almost clicking his teeth against me. We were in his bedroom. We were lying against one another, he was slim and boyish and wanted me badly. I was so aroused that I erupted the first second he touched me. The release was too soon, no buildup, just a jet of wetness without completion
I was embarrassed and tried to jerk him off, but didn't know to lubricate his thin erection. It irritated him, and we parted badly. I tried to call him later, to see if there was a way we could meet to try to fix things, but he was adamant that there was not. I dropped it and walked away from the payphone, scratching his name from the list. Feeling frustrated and a little lost.
The next week the fever was on me again. I was lobbying at offices downtown. The commute from the suburbs only worked very early, and there was normally time to kill before my first appointment. I could work out oat the health club, or have breakfast and read the paper. Or I could play with my little list of names from the ads. The one I placed this time had said I was looking for an "Early Bird." This particular Monday I made a call to another promising name on the list. The man who answered had a curt demeanor that was a little unsettling. He gave me directions, and told me he would get up early to have coffee with me and see if there was anything there. The next morning I awoke long before the alarm. There was a hunger and the familiar heaviness in my belly. I drove downtown earlier even than the specified early hour. I bought both morning papers and drove slowly down the ridge. I saw a light on at the correct address and parked around the corner. The heels on my dress pumps clicked on the concrete and my heart was sunk down in my belly with nervousness. It was the familiar feeling of dread and anticipation. I knocked on the door with my knuckle. I heard footsteps approach and the door opened.
"Paperboy" I said, offering the two papers, one thick and the other thin.
"Thanks" said the man.
He looked to be in his middle fifties. He was of modest height but had a powerful torso. His hair was thinning and he had cropped it short. Close shaven. Full sensual lips. "Why don't you come in?"
"Thanks" I said, a little breathless. Thoughts of flight ran through my mind as he led me through a formal dining room and into the wood-paneled kitchen. The house was one of those built in the 1930's, and the floor plan had not changed much. A close-in house, two story, designed for another era. He turned and pulled two coffee cups from a cabinet over the sink. A small color TV murmured in the corner under soft warm yellow light.
"My name is Rick. Would you like cream and sugar?" he asked.
"No, thanks. Black is fine." He poured from the Mr. Coffee and then led me through a door and back up the hallway to the living room. He sat on the couch and I joined him, sitting properly two feet away. The conversation began awkwardly.
"So, what are you looking for?" he asked, matter-of-factly, as though strange men came to his door every day looking for something personal. His voice was smooth, his vowels were oval. He wore shorts and no belt. I said I was looking for a friend. That began a monologue for him, and I listened to his soft voice. He told me about his life there in Alexandria. He was an entrepreneur. He had invested wisely. He had no day job, save to manage his portfolio. He was a bit of an Auntie, I thought, though his arms and shoulders were powerful., like a collegiate wrestler. He smoked, and that was a relief. I noted my fingers quivering as I lit one of my own. The coffee was strong and good, and we eventually had another cup. I began to turn my thoughts to escape. Once again I was acting out the pattern. I was getting further along, but decided that it was the anticipation rather than the consummation that was the excitement for me. I was moderately surprised to find Rick was a Republican, I don't know why. We talked about politics. I glanced at my watch and told him I was grateful for the coffee and really had to be going. He smiled as we rose and he walked me to the foyer.
"I don't think this will work. It's not your fault, you are a very nice man. I just don't know what I want. Maybe I will figure it out someday. But I want to thank you. I enjoyed the conversation."
"I did, too" he said. "But I got up early to make the coffee. So I think you owe me a favor."
"Of course" I said. I felt bad that I had led him on, but relieved that this encounter was nearly complete and I could go back to real life.
"Just show me what I am going to miss." He took me by the hand and led me to the stairs. He turned and walked up. I looked up at him, frozen. This wasn't going to work. I had finished it, said goodbye. Then my feet moved forward and I found myself climbing the stairs behind him, my heart suddenly thumping.What was this? Could he be a killer, enticing seekers and then garroting them in the stillness? What was I doing? My feet were moving on their own, uncontrolled.
It was dark in the hallway. There was a bedroom to the left as we reached the top of the stairs. He didn't stop there. He rounded the corner and went down the hall. There was a bathroom directly ahead. I could see the light reflected on old white tile. Bedrooms were to the left and right. He paused at the door of the one on the right and I stopped behind him. He gestured at the striped coverlet on a neatly-made double-bed. I wondered if he had slept here last night, or if he reserved it for something else. A clock on the nightstand next to the bed radiated the time in blue light. It was wrong by several hours. The room was bathed in soft orange light from the rising sun. The furniture was in keeping with the house, old and dark and solidly built.
"Why don't you take off your shirt and let me see what you look like" he said. "That's really all I need." His eyes twinkled in amusement and the corners of his mouth turned up in a knowing smile. I considered his request as my fingers went of their own volition to my collar and loosened my tie. I removed it, looking at him. I turned and placed it on the bureau. I unbuttoned my collar and slipped the suspenders from my shoulders and let them hang at my side. I finished unbuttoning my shirt, and pulled the tails from my trousers. Then I took it off slowly. I laid it atop my tie. I turned back to him, avoiding his eyes, looking down.
"Thank-you." He said. His voice was soft and reassuring. I crossed my arms across my chest, self-conscious and feeling vulnerable. The room was warm and still, the smell of the old house mixed with something else, something vaguely familiar. Like Old Spice. The pause was awkward. I took a step toward him and he matched it. His arms came around me. I tensed and then slowly relaxed in his arms and laid my head on his shoulder. I drank in the smell of him. There was soap there from his shower and the Old Spice. There was something else, too, a musk that was deep and rich and multi-textured.
We stood that way for a long time, I don't know how long. I drank in the smell of him. My heartbeat began to return to normal, and in a very natural way my right hand reached out and gently felt out his manhood. He responded. This too went on for a long time. I marveled at the weight and mass. I could feel him swell against my fingers and I could feel myself respond in kind. His smell was intoxicating. This was not a fevered rush. It was a blossoming. My head came up from his neck, eyes closed, and my lips sought his. I brushed the short stubble on his cheek from his morning shave They were full lips and they opened to meet me. Our tongues met, gently probing. I tasted coffee and the cigarette and warmth of his saliva. Contained in the kiss was an offer and an acceptance. At the right moment our embrace loosened and he took off his tee-shirt. I unfastened my trousers and let them fall to the floor. He unbuttoned his shorts and skinned them off. He wore white briefs and the bulge of his penis distended them in the front. I dropped my boxers on the trousers and we stood and looked at one another, wordless. He hooked the top of the elastic with his thumbs and peeled them down. The tip of his penis was the first exposed, then thedark mass of his pubic hair and finally his balls. His cock stood out proudly, arcing up to the right from his trim belly. I stepped to him and cupped his balls with my hand. They had a velvety feel beneath the coarse texture of his hair. They moved smoothly and independently under my touch. I caressed his shaft.
From the base to the tip he seemed enormous, and the glans was fat and assertive. It appeared thicker at the end, thicker than the base even before the pouting shape of the helmet. It was a wonderful and hypnotic sight. "May I kiss it?" I asked. It sounded ridiculous to me, surreal, the words floating there in the air. I hadn't come here for this, had I? This was too fast.
"Of course" he answered. I sank to my knees, eager to examine this marvel. At eye-level he was even more massive. I ran my tongue along the length of him, delighting in the texture of the veins and ridges. I was careful not to take him entirely in my mouth. I was concerned about ingesting his semen. I wanted this to be safe. I licked him like a child would lick an ice cream cone. I kissed his balls, tentative at first, but with growing confidence as his hips squirmed in delight. "You like this, don't you?' he said. I nodded against the mass of him, inarticulate, my nose filled with his smell now ripe. It welcomed my lips and began to fill my senses fully.
At some point, and I am not sure how, he was seated on the bed, my face buried in him. And then he was reclined, me on my knees, suckling on his balls, first one and then the other. His shaft was moist and slippery with my spit, and I stroked him until the spit dried and became sticky. He stopped my hand. I was afraid I had done something to displease him. I looked up apprehensively from my work on his testicles and I saw him smile. "You have to keep it wet, silly." He scooped a gob of saliva from his mouth with his fingers and ladled it onto his penis. "Now" he said. "Nice and slippery."
It was. I made a mental note. I stroked him with more urgency. My erection waved between my knees. When it brushed the bed it gave me an electric shock. He gripped my shoulders, trying to bring me up on the bed next to him but I shook my head against his genitals. I wanted him to come first and I knew that I would climax quickly. He relented and stroked my shoulders instead. I felt him stroke my hair and I could feel him coming near and then he shuddered and my fingers and hand were coated with his ejaculation and spurts of ropy white jetted over his belly. I slowed my rhythm as he softened, continuing to nuzzle his testicles. Then I traced my forefinger through his jism. Then I caressed his belly with my palm, rubbing it in. I kissed his balls in farewell and rose to my feet. "I need to be going" I said. "I don't want to be late." I glanced at the clock, trying to correct its erroneous message to the actual time. It was disorienting. I felt giddy from what I had done, still aroused. My erection arced up and away from my body. I could taste him on my lips.
"Not so fast. Come here." He gripped my hand and pulled me to the bed. I laid down as he scrunched up beside me. I tensed, uncertain what he wanted of me. He surprised me by rolling on top of me. I spread my legs so our groins came together, him soft now and me hard. He kissed me hard and I opened my mouth to welcome him. He pressed his tongue deep into my mouth. His weight was all on me and he pinned me, leaving me helpless. I wrapped my legs around him and hugged him hard against me. I began to move my hips in the primeval way and my cock felt the sticky residue of his come, imprisoned between our bellies. I felt myself rising and bucked frantically against him until I too erupted, flooding us. I clutched him in the afterglow of my climax. "My God" I whispered.
"Yes indeed" he whispered back in my ear. "Yes, indeed."
After a time he pried himself from me and rose. He walked out of the bedroom and opened a closet next to the bathroom door. He pulled out a towel and tossed it to me on the bed. I could not move. "Blue for boys" he said with a grin. I think I blushed.
I don't recall much about dressing. When we were once more in the foyer I kissed him chastely on the cheek. "Can I see you tomorrow?" I asked.
"Tomorrow isn't good. Wednesday?"
"Same time?"
"That would be fine."
I counted the hours.