Memory

MEMORY by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2008 written on December 6, 1992 translated by the author English text kindly revised by Baruch

USUAL DISCLAIMER

"MEMORY" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.

Second - Back home

Nicola arose, tidied himself and, then, received a call from the hospital. He was informed Gilberto had regained consciousness but lost his memory. The head physician requested hiss immediate return.

Troubled, the young man drove directly to the hospital.

The surgeon reported the patient regained cognizance about five hours earlier but suffered from total selective amnesia. He remembered the names of things, such as objects and general notions, but nothing concerning his own life, including people he should know.

The physician explained shock from the accident caused his condition, and it remained uncertain if he would recover. He also informed him police hadn't located any relatives.

And, finally, he requested, "Please visit with him - seeing a familiar face, may jar the unfortunate man into recognition!"

Chagrined, the student realized his initial lie was now coming home to roost.

Hesitantly, Nicola said, "I am uncertain... I don't think... Possibly, even without his head injury he wouldn't recall me. After all, he is the director of my local savings bank. While I know him by sight, he couldn't reckon whom I am..."

"We must try anyway... It can't hurt!"

Following the doctor, the two entered Gilberto's room.

As soon as she saw them, the nurse broadly smiled, stating in a louder-than-normal voice, "Mr Ferri, see the doctor brought your young buddy..."

Half-seated on his bed the patient stared into his rescuer's eyes with a serious, yet serene, facial expression, eventually remarking, "Pardon me... are we acquainted? Were we close?"

Despite his nervous embarrassment, the boy calmly answered, "I am Nicola Girotto. My family patronizes your establishment."

"I regret not remembering... However, I honestly don't recollect where I work."

The woman bellowed, "This lad witnessed your accident before summoning the authorities."

"Ah, thank you! So... were you in my car?"

"No... I drove my bike, you overtook me... and, after passing, you lost control, careening off of the road. Fortunately, I was there."

The physician bent down to his patient, "Don't try to remember, simply chat for awhile with Mr Girotto. When time is right your memory will return... We shall leave you alone for a few minute, okay?"

"Whatever..."

With the departure of the medical staff, the visitor looked at the injured man, uncertain what to say.

Gilberto, signalling with his eyes, suggested, "Have a seat... The damn woman keeps yelling my name... Isn't she aware I lost my power of recollection not my hearing..." he joked.

Nicola sat by his bedside.

Gazing directly into his eyes, the banker asked, "Are we acquainted? Should I remember?"

"No... In reality, we never met before... Although, we live in the same village, and my parents have an account at your bank..."

"The nurse said we're mates..."

Blushing, Nicola remarked, "I'm sorry, I lied... I feared they wouldn't permit me to see you, and so... so, I said I was your friend... I'm sorry..."

"You wanted to visit me? But, why, if you didn't know me?"

"Because, I witnessed your accident, saw you thrown from your car, observed your stunned, injured bloodstained body... there isn't a more compelling reason."

"The attendant mentioned you returned several times, and you have been my only visitor... Well... I owe you. It seems no one located a single relative... I am unsure whether there are any... I have no clue whom I am. And, yet, I feel fine. Aside from my injured limbs, of course. You are my unique connection with the reality I've blanked out."

"There are all your employees..."

"I guess... But, for now, you are the solitary one. Am I right, your name is Nicola?"

"Yes, Nicola Girotto."

"I like it. Mine appears to be Gilberto... it's odd. I have no idea why, but my name sounds funny."

"I disagree! It's Teutonic in origin, and it means skilled to throw arrows... a proficient archer."

"Ah, a warrior's designation... I must get used to it, since it's what I am called. With that loudmouth always hollering it in my ears, it won't be difficult to recall. What do you do?"

"Me? I'm a third year literature student."

"Do you like it?"

"Yes."

"It appears I have a university degree. It's funny, I can remember many things, technical matters, culture subjects... but nothing which helps me understand the person I am... what I do. I can recognize Mozart's music and who Mozart is. I understand the term 'current account', or how to cook braised meat with Barolo wine... but I have no clue where I live, what my apartment looks like, whom my family and friends are, the work I did or the car I drove... A very weird feeling, to say the least! Not unpleasant, I mean I reckon it is unusual, but it's no burden. I simply... I'm experiencing a type of... dread concerning whom I am. Will I like the guy if, and when, I regain my memory, or despise him?"

"Why not? No one is perfect, but, on the other hand, no individual should be thrown away. It would even be fascinating... to reinvent one's self, especially if the chap is ready to accept whom he is."

"But, what if I determine I am a maniac, pervert or criminal? If this was the reason for my amnesia?"

"You mean self denial?"

"Yes, something like that."

"I don't think we ever have to reject ourselves. If we don't like that individual, we must try to change. But no metamorphosis is possible without first coming to terms with our inner being... I tink."

"Yes, I agree. But, I am boring you with my endless chatter..."

"No, no, not at all!"

"Nicola, would you... are you willing to help me?"

"I, help you? If I can, undoubtedly... but how?"

"I am pleased... somebody cares about me. I would like... I don't know... to become pals, and... and to count on you. Yes?"

"Gladly."

"Upon discharge, I must return home, and... I want you to accompany me."

"No problem."

"You are my only connection with reality, do you understand?"

"Yes, I think I do."

"Thank you, I am feeling less isolated, now. And... may we consider each other friends?"

"If you wish... Yes, all right."

Gilberto smiled, nodded, then whispered, "Even if I couldn't remember my past, my present is starting agreeably!"

"The doctor advised not to worry..."

"Of course. They always do. Anyway, for the moment, I am not concerned! But, I have no idea if it will be easy. I asked you to help me, because we don't share memories. Therefore, you won't expect me to recall things concerning you. And, I feel you are not looking at me as a... a freak. When you came in... however... I was afraid you expected something from me... my memories."

"My lie made me feel ashamed."

"But, now, it's no longer relevant, is it?"

"Right."

Nicola continued his visits. One day, he showed the banker a newspaper article.

"If you have family, they will now show up."

"Yes."

"Did you feel uncomfortable meeting your colleagues?"

"No... simply bewildered. They expected me to recognize them, to remember them."

"Possibly, they hoped to help jolt your reminiscences..."

"Perhaps. But, I saw their disappointment when saying I could not remember them!"

"Absolutely, nothing?"

"Totally! They appeared to be strangers."

"But, when your vice-director yesterday talked about your work, you answered to the point!"

"Yes, but only the technical aspects. I didn't remember any of the current operations. I know the problems abstractly but not concretely. Something like an external expert, one to whom an unheard-of dilemma is submitted, for which he formulates solutions. You were here, you saw how it went."

"I understand how tiresome it was."

"Yes... However, I have no choice but to try recollecting. If I catch a detail, a thread, I might be able to reconstruct the rest. I feel there is a huge dam restraining the waters of my memories... Creating a tiny hole could permit them to start flowing..."

"The doctors say as soon as your fractures improve, you may return home. Being there amongst your things, could rock your memory."

"Perhaps. But, it is curious, after I awoke in the hospital I recalled every detail perfectly. However, my driving licence and the picture in my wallet tell me nothing. That photo was taken recently at the seaside. But, by whom, when and where? I have no clue!"

"Yes, I'm trying to understand how you feel, Gil. But, its futile to agonize over it. Even if... even if you would never summon a thing... you can always rebuild your life, have a new start. Do you reckon how many people would give their right arm to begin again!"

"Oh, it might be as you say, but I would pay a ransom to... to recollect. You know, at times, I think my amnesia arose out of a necessity to forget something bad... and this makes me feel skittish."

"No way! The head physician says it was caused by shock brought on by the impact of your accident..." Nicola argued, gently smiling.

"You have a lovely grin!"

Looking slightly surprised, the student beamed again before sitting by his bedside.

"Can you stay longer, or do you have classes, this morning?"

"I don't have any pressing lectures; besides, Marinella will loan me her notes."

"Is she your girl?"

"No, simply a sympathetic classmate... Very likeable, but nothing more. I don't have any sweetheart."

"Really? But, you are handsome, personable, intelligent, clever... and kind."

"For now, my only interest is in matriculating."

"The police report states I'm a bachelor. I wonder if I have a female friend..."

"If you did, she would have shown up, after the appearance of that newspaper article."

"Right. And if she does... who knows what effect she will have on me?"

"If you liked her then, you would now."

"Are you sure?"

"No, I can't be sure but... but I think if you found somebody attractive, you would continue to."

"Even though I can picture 'sex', I don't remember having any!"

"Being thirty-nine, it's unlikely you're a virgin!"

"Yes, but... I have no clue."

"Therefore... you will re-experience your 'first time'. It should be awesome."

"Of course! One must be optimistic... But, at times, I feel childlike, discovering a new world."

"A kid but with the exposure of an adult."

"No, rather the understanding of a newborn. Wisdom is constructed from memories, and, at the moment, I have none."

"You are right."

"In this regard you're more mature than I."

"Despite being about half of your age... It's funny, I never thought of it in that way."

After a few more words, the visitor bid his adieu, promising to return in the afternoon.

Days later, the surgeon again talked to Nicola, informing him his patient was being discharged and asking the young fellow to stay with Gilberto for awhile. The student agreed.

Thus, arrived the designated release date. Leaving the hospital by taxi, they remained quiet during the trip to Gilberto's home, as the healing man absorbed the unfamiliar surroundings.

Upon arrival at the home, Gilberto paid the driver before his helper brought him to the front entrance.

"This is building, it has your name on the intercom."

"Yes, let's try this key."

Opening the door, they went upstairs to Gilberto's apartment, succeeding in entering without difficulty.

"I feel strange... I don't recognize a damn thing!"

"Never mind, it's your home, anyway... Come on in."

They looked around, before Gilberto asked, "Do you like it?"

"And, you?"

"I don't know. It's not bad, but... but I don't feel it's mine."

They explored the place. It seemed well laid out. There was a spacious bedroom, a modern, well furnished kitchen, a luminous living area with an adjoined parlour and a small study filled with papers. The banker wandered throughout the abode, without touching anything. Then, releasing his crutch, he collapsed onto the sofa.

"Find us a drink!"

Nodding, Nicola opened cabinets until he discover liqueur and glasses. Then, he asked, "What would you like?"

"What's there?"

"Whisky, gin, Grand Marnier, vodka, brandy, Martini, Porto wine, Djesus..."

"A Djesus sounds great... and you?"

"I'll have Porto."

Pouring, the guest then went to sit besides his host. Silently, they savored their beverages. Meanwhile, Gilberto was absorbing his surroundings.

"I have no idea if I furnished it or found the apartment decorated."

"Do you like the accommodations?"

"Not really... it's a little too classical. I prefer the kitchen. In any case its dusty, I will need to find a housecleaner. Who knows if I had one, or if I did everything myself! I must search the place, including my papers and personal items to help me determine whom I am. And, I have to get organised... It's good I'm on paid sick leave for two months. Come, lets explore my study."

"Wouldn't you prefer doing it alone?"

"Alone? Why?"

"You might find something embarrassing you wouldn't want others to see..."

"Such as porno?" Gilberto jested.

"Yes, perhaps..."

"I won't feel ashamed... You are my only friend, besides I don't think you're easily shocked."

"No, for sure."

"Let's go, then."

Nothing out of sorts was found. There were mostly documents related to work. Then, they uncovered a file filled with letters. Gilberto, sat at his desk, reading them one after another.

"The most recent dates six months ago. They are from former colleagues or old schoolmates... Nothing interesting nor revealing. This one describes his holidays at the Canaries. One informs me his third child is bornÉ Another is signed by a Laura, who was a co-worker from Novara. She discusses my replacement, saying she preferred me... I don't understand why I kept them... And this one is a note of apology, but I have no idea what the author did... He just writes he is really sorry, he hopes I will not have a grudge against himÉ but what about?"

Nicola watched Gilberto, who appeared absorbed while displaying a small, vaguely amused, smile.

"I feel I am a detective rummaging through the personal affects of a stranger to reconstruct his daily activities..."

"But, they're yours!"

"Yes, to the pre accident Ferri. A cypher to me, as you are well aware. I admit being that individual, but... if I were, for example, Alberto Solmi, it would be the same!"

"Who is he?"

"A figment. I just said a name so, at random."

"Are you sure? When one conjures a name, its a common one, such as Mario Rossi... not unique... Couldn't he be somebody you're familiar with?"

"I don't recall, however he might... But, if I do, he is no more an enigma than Ferri!"

"No, you know something more about Ferri."

"Yes, we are aware Gilberto had an accident, lost his memory and is here with his buddy, futilely rummaging through his past."

"In any case, its more than what you know about that Solmi."

"However, is there a real guy named Andrea Solmi?"

"We could look for him."

"No, if he exists, he will reappear. I've enough strangers to become reacquainted with. My present life is comparable to a huge scrambled puzzle... I don't need to search for more missing pieces! There are enough coming out and not yet going to the right place.Ó

"I... I would like to be able to help."

"You are! Your presence provides me strength while verifying the reality of my existence. That I am an human being and not just a dream."

"You're no dream!"

"You remain my single hope... You have no idea how vital you are."

"Good! And, you can count on me, for anything."

"I feel it... Actually, I know it!"

While smiling at each other, Nicola realized his friend's eyes were a vibrant bluish-green and his grin was dazzling.

"A penny for you thoughts..." the banker remarked.

"I'm admiring your brilliant demeanor and radiant look!" the younger declared with frank sincerity.

"Thank you!" Gilberto simply answered. Then, standing, he continued, "Let's find something to eat.. . I'm feeling a little hungry. Please, join me for dinner!"

"Willingly, but, first, I have to call my parents."

"Sure... The phone is over there."

Finding no food, they left to shop. At the supermarket, while they were filling their cart, a few individuals greeted Gilberto, asking him about his health. Nicola admired his new friend's composure. Gilberto apologized, mentioned his amnesia and inquired about their well being.

Back home, while Nicola cleaned the fridge, his friend put away the purchases.

"The drudgery of my reemergence in everyday life has started."

"You are managing well."

"I'm playing it as a game... I'm curious, but unconcerned by inquisitive glances or pity."

"Good! All the better."

"Sure."

Being talented at cooking, Gilberto fixed their meal. They ate while chit chatting.

"What I appreciate most is you never ask me anything!"

"Why would I?"

"You accept me for the person I am, not for whom I was."

"I have no clue concerning that earlier chap."

"And, you appear not so interested in him."

"Not particularly. The past is... past. I am only concerned with Gil, as he is at present."

"Even if the man hasn't a prior history?"

"Yes, even if you haven't a prior history!"

"But, why the care?"

"I don't know. Probably, because our lives intertwined, which pleases me. That's all."

"I understand, but you realize my yesteryears may remains irretrievable."

"Its doesn't matter, because you are anyway building a new existence."

"Will I ever reclaim my bygone days and, if so, will I like them?"

"What happened then may scare you, however, even if you wouldn't approve, it's done. What is important is building your present and future!"

"I'm not afraid... a little concerned possible ghosts may resurface."

"The only thing I fear are actual people, not ghosts."

"Looking back, you never see things you would like to forget?"

"Actually, no! Of course, I don't want to repeat mistakes, but I acknowledge them."

"Does it mean there is nothing you are ashamed of or desire to hide?"

"There are... Not, because I am chagrined but others may not understand. Each has things he prefers to keep to himself, I think. However, all my actions, including bad decisions, remain part of whom I am."

"You seem self-confident."

"To a point, nevertheless I, too, have doubts... But, I accept them."

"You are a wise person."

"No, I'm just Nicola."

They smiled with Gilberto adding, "Listen, my friend, I would be honored if you accept a spare set of my house keys to use as you please."

"You don't know me well enough..."

"I disagree. Further, I insist you use them, as a symbol of our relationship."

"All right. Give them to me in the next few days; but now it's late. You need to get some rest... Let's meet tomorrow, if you want, even in the morning."

"Fine! After becoming used to sleeping in the hospital, it feels strange to do so at home."

"You will readjust. Good night, Gil."

"Yes, I will readjust! Pleasant dreams, Nicola."

CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 3

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