Marine's Life in Iraq

A Marine's Life in Iraq II By: Holloway H. Copyright 2005 Holloway H.

This is a work of fiction with an adult theme. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the story: Frontrnrusa@netscape.net

The next few months that Gary and I were together flew by. I looked at Gary as I pulled out of the driveway and I knew he loved me, but not enough to wait, I'd hurt him not only with Jimmie but also with my re-enlistment. As I began to drive off I felt sick and wanted badly to turn around and tell Gary how I felt but I couldn't, I was a man, a Marine and I refused to make him suffer because of me.

I arrived early in the morning. I crashed out in the transient quarters, waking early, after a shower, shave, and some chow I felt a lot better. I checked in only to be informed that I was shipping out to Afghanistan immediately. I couldn't even think at that moment and just walked out of personnel. I'd done this to myself no one was to blame but me. I returned to my room and once I had all my gear together I went to meet the new Gunny. As I walked in he looked at me kind of strange, almost like I was a fucking alien.

"Sergeant, sit down."

I looked at him and took a seat on the other side of his desk.

He walked across the room "I know you've been out of country already, I know you have earned a purple heart and several other medals. I'm really glad to have someone with your knowledge helping to lead the platoon, but at the same time I don't want you or anyone else getting too comfortable and forgetting safety, I want these Marines to come back home, these guys are from my reserve unit in my hometown."

I stood up, he'd pissed me off by not showing me any confidence or respect, "Gunny I have never forgotten safety in any platoon I've been a member. I work to get everyone home, if you've got a problem with me because I'm not in the reserves then I need to know now. I don't want an accidental bullet in the back from some fucking half time Marine."

Gunny flew across the room he was in my face, "you fuck don't ever disrespect me like that again. These are my men and their safety is my concern."

I yelled back, "Don't you ever tell me I'm not here for my brothers I'd die for any one of them and if you want respect then show it. I've seen a lot of shit and came back alive, a lot of Marines didn't make it, if you don't trust me to make sure the Marines in this platoon will come back to the world, then transfer me out. Because I'm sure as shit you'll end up getting someone killed, beside I don't respect you or trust you at all."

Without waiting I walked out, Gunny stood there red faced I hoped the motherfucker stroked out. Within minutes I had walked across base and asked to speak either with the Commanding Officer or Battalion Commander. Colonel Hart, met with me grudgingly, he kept me standing at attention as I explained the run in I'd had with Gunny. He wasn't in the mood to be helpful, but I reminded him I had already been out of country, had a purple heart and didn't mind returning I just didn't want to return with the Gunny leading the platoon I had been assigned, as I was sure he was going to get someone killed.

The Colonel turned around, "At Ease Sergeant."

I remained semi rigid as he turned back facing the window.

"Sergeant, Gunny is one hell of a good Marine, he's a little cautious because he wants his men to come back home as I'm sure you do. But at this point I don't see you and Gunny working together for the good of the men. The only thing I can do for you is transfer you to an MEU at Pendleton, your choice."

I came to attention, "Thank you Colonel, when do I leave."

He shook his head and yelled out, "Lieutenant."

Within five minutes I was dismissed and sat in personnel as my orders were amended. Within two hours the detailer had authorized my transfer to Pendleton and I was on the road traveling to California from North Carolina. I decided it would be best to let sleeping dogs lie and not say anything to Gary, actually I was so fucking afraid of losing him, I didn't know what to do. I called Gary as I left the base and told him I had arrived all right, he'd made me promise to call him. He surprised me when he said he would be coming up in another two weeks, said there was a Medical Convention in the area. At that point I told him I was reassigned to Pendleton. He was silent before telling me to take care of myself he hung up. I stood there wanting very badly to fall apart but my training told me to get myself together and get to Pendleton.

It was a long day of driving and my mind played havoc on me. I stopped in Alabama for the night I got a 30-dollar hotel. After a shower I drove down to the Dairy Queen and got a bite to eat before returning to the hotel. I called Gary but he didn't answer, I was worried about him, I'd really fucked up his mind with all this transferring shit, the sad thing for me was I loved him. I woke around 2am in the morning, I was covered in sweat, I called Gary he answered immediately. When he heard it was me the sadness in his voice returned.

"Chance it's 2am in the morning what's wrong?"

"I miss you okay?"

"Yeah it's okay, maybe now you'll know how I've been feeling. Lying here alone wondering what I did to drive you away and it kills me because I don't know. You think it's easy for me to get up and go to the practice everyday when the person I love is a thousand fucking miles away. You didn't have to re- enlist we didn't need the money. I told you a million times I'd take care of you, you could have gone to school or stayed home and took care of me, it didn't matter because we would have had each other. I love you, you motherfucker and I can't even think of what to do. I need some time, don't call me for a few months maybe it will help us both."

I coughed, "I'll do as you ask, I love you, you know you're the only person I love."

"Good night Chance, I wish I could believe that." Gary hung up.

I couldn't sleep and after another hour I got dressed and headed out, it was close to 7pm before I stopped in Texas. I didn't bother eating and soon had fallen asleep waking early in the morning once again and heading out. As I drove I convinced myself that I had been dishonorable to Gary and that the best thing to do would be to let him get on with his life without me. He practically told me to not bother him again. The feeling in my chest made me feel like I was having a heart attack. I cried as I drove and for once I didn't give a shit who saw me. I pulled over to the side of the road, I couldn't see. I must have sat there for hours. I'd fucked up my life. I swore to God I did love Gary no matter what had happened.

Two days passed before I entered Pendleton. I found my room and stowed my shit before showering, then I dressed and went to check in. It took only about an hour before I was formally assigned to the MEU. I went in search of Gunny to check in and get my assignment. I knocked on Gunny's door, when he opened it I was surprised as hell it was Gunny Walker.

He smiled and immediately shook my hand glad to have me back onboard. As he said we understood each other. He had me sit down as he gave me the lay of the land. Then he told me we were headed out of country within the week. He smiled, "that's the life of the Marine, get some pussy and sleep otherwise you'll be doing without for the next several months."

Standing up I shook Gunny's hand, "Thanks Gunny I'll be ready."

He slapped my shoulder as I walked out.

Once again the familiar transport ride held no surprises nor did the heat or sand of the desert. The difference this time was the platoon would have to build our own quarters. We were in a forward area and we were the first Marines to be permanently assigned to keep the peace in that part of Baghdad. I looked around at the faces of the people watching us their expression told me without them having to say it that we were as good as dead. Once we unloaded our equipment we began securing an area in a bombed out warehouse. The walls provided good cover and sufficient protection from sniper and mortar rounds. Throughout the first night guards were situated every 15 feet, nothing was going to get through our defenses. With the first light, chow was ready and soon we were stringing razor wire to enclose our perimeter. It took four 14-hour days to get the area enclosed. The command post was built partially underground with timber to hold the earth from collapsing on top of everyone. Over the next six weeks the area took shape and we had a relatively safe staging area. We had high and low fields of vision; any attack would have to come straight at us. Near the end of the first two months we placed five concrete barriers in front of our entrance to prevent a car bomber from blowing us all to hell.

Since we'd been in country I hadn't received any mail, not that I gave a shit, once again I learned to live inside myself, and in doing so I found enough happiness to keep me sane. I missed Gary but it didn't matter, first I had hurt him with Jimmie and then with all this shit. I prayed at night for him to meet someone nice to take care of him. He would always be in my heart it's just that I knew it wasn't meant to be for us. I never wrote him, I didn't want him writing to me because I was at war, I didn't need or want anyone's pity. Not even my own. If the guys got a box from home I usually managed to get a magazine and some cookies. The guys in the platoon watched out for each other and when their families sent stuff they usually sent extra for the guys.

My platoon was assigned to hunt down and kill insurgents that had been beheading foreigners. Day after day we went from house to house, our interpreter talking to the Iraqi people whose houses we were entering. Many times the occupants tried to refuse and block our entrance and in those instances we broke down the door and searched any way. A couple of times, young children hiding under beds and in closets almost got blown away when they surprised us by coming out of hiding. We were always on pins and needles waiting for the worst to happen. By the end of six months all the guys were still doing well. We hadn't had any injuries so to speak, morale was a little low due to the stress of the area but overall we were holding it together. On Friday during mail call I got a box. I knew by the handwriting it was from Gary. He'd stocked the box with everything, in the bottom where three letters and a bunch of magazines and newspapers. I found a corner where I could be alone and I opened the first letter.

'Chance, I miss you. I'm sorry it took so long for this to catch up with you I had a hard time finding you and your address. I want to put things straight with you, I miss you so much it isn't easy being without you but I'm surviving. Chance if you expect me to give up on you I won't, I wanted to but then I thought about us and knew somehow we were meant to be a team. If you don't want me to wait then tell me I deserve that much from you. You mean the world to me and I know for a fact you need me more than you've ever needed anyone. Let me say this to you don't touch anyone I don't care what the reason is. If you can't be faithful to me then tell me now cause I can't forgive you twice, I won't. I love you so much and I realize that now. I was pissed at you for about a week and then I understood it has to be as hard for you as it is for me. Once this enlistment is up you will not re-enlist we're going to start our life together once more understand?'

I couldn't read anymore, my eyes filled with tears. I kept wiping my eyes and looking around to make sure no one else saw me. When I settled down I read the rest of the first letter.

'We belong to each other. I'm the one that loves you and you love me. We have a chance to make each other happy. I don't think there is anything else that needs to be said. I love you sport, hurry home.'

I looked up at the sky and shook my head I couldn't believe he still loved me, what a fuck I had been to almost lose him, never again. I swore to myself nothing would come between us. I read the next two letters and fought hard to keep from falling apart. I found a place to sit and wrote him that night.

'Please forgive me, I've felt like I wanted to die for the way I treated you. I prayed you wouldn't hate me. I didn't write because I didn't want you sad, it kills me to sit in this fucking desert and think of you unhappy because of my dumb ass. Gary you mean everything to me, I'd die in a minute if that was what you wanted. All I've ever asked for was you to be happy. I know I've done some really immature and stupid things but I'm not going to hurt you anymore. If you wait for me I swear to God I'll do everything in my power to make you so fucking happy, I love you I need you. You're the only person other than my grandmother that has loved me please don't stop. I love you with all my heart. Chance.'

The letter went out in the mail the next day. Letter came from Gary almost every day. It was another month before I got a box from Gary again. He had it filled with everything. I smiled as I opened the box. I saw his letter and hurried to read it.

'Chance you are my life. I can't imagine not having you to hold and love. You always end up making me cry, I feel like I'm a wreck when I read your letters, I love you that much. You'll be coming home in another five months when you do I want you to fly home on leave, I need to take care of you. Let me know when you'll be arriving and I'll arrange your travel. I never really understood what happiness meant until I had to make a choice about you and being in love with you. I'm very proud of you and I worry about you constantly, come home soon and remember more than anything in this world you are loved.'

I knew I had been away too long his letter pushed me close to breaking down, I felt so fucking alone without him. I thought maybe I was depressed all I knew was I could spend hours just staring at his picture and wishing I had done things different. My other problem was that I constantly worked, 15 to 20 hours a day. I wasn't the only one everyone in the platoon was busting their ass. We were expecting an additional fifty Marines within three weeks and we needed to be ready with a place for them to crash and eat. It took all our energies but we finally finished almost a week early. It was near the middle of the week when the fresh meat began pouring into our forward base. Once we had them all onboard, the next several days consisted of indoctrination and training, these guys were young but smart and it made the job a lot easier for everyone.

The nightmare began during our first patrol. We were spread out on both sides of the street we were pretty much shielded by buildings and overhangs so the biggest fear was getting hit from in front on the side or behind. I remember we had just passed one of those big round school clocks it was 9:22pm. We all heard the car barreling in our direction. We opened fire hitting the vehicle a hundred times; it swerved about 20 feet in front of us and rolled toward us turning over twice before it exploded to hell in back. It brought down the face of the building where it exploded and at the same time it took out three of the new guys sending parts of their bodies in different directions. We quickly sat up a perimeter, securing the area. It didn't take long for several Iraqi security force personnel to show up as well as ambulances. The three guys were dead. Six more were wounded. Once we had everyone accounted for Gunny called me over and pointed to my shoulder sticking out about six inches was a piece of shrapnel the left side of my shirt was covered with blood. I didn't feel anything my adrenaline was pumping ninety to nothing. When Gunny had me sit down that's when I felt the pain in my shoulder. It took another twenty minutes for an Army ambulance to get me out of there and on the way to a field hospital. The Corpsman cut my jacket and t-shirt off. He looked at the wound, without saying anything he placed gauze around it then he gave me a shot of Morphine. I passed out waking two hours later. A corpsman was walking out of the room I was in I called out to him.

He walked over, "what you need soldier."

I could barely stay awake, "how's my shoulder?"

He nodded his head, "you're one lucky Marine, you'll be back with your platoon by tomorrow afternoon."

I nodded my head in thanks and fell asleep.

The Corpsman was right, I was back in my tent by mid afternoon, my shoulder was bandaged but no worse for wear. I went in search of Gunny. He looked at me.

"You doing all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, what happened with the platoon?"

Gunny stood up, "Sergeant we lost five guys last night to that fucking bomber. We did everything we could to stop him, I've run it over and over in my mind and I still can't figure out how we could have done anything differently."

Standing up I looked at Gunny, "you did, we all did everything we could."

Gunny turned around, "Get some rest. I've got Corporal Meade doing the inventory on the Marines personal belongings."

"Thanks Gunny." I walked back to my rack and crashed out, I fell asleep immediately."

The platoon stood down the next day, late in the afternoon the Chaplain came around and we had a memorial service for our fallen brothers. It was always hard as hell to lose someone, it didn't matter that you knew them two minutes or two years, losing a Marine was hard. After the service I returned to my rack.

At 4:30am we were formed up and heading out on patrol. We wanted to be seen in daylight as a reminder that we would not be pushed out. I hadn't eaten in almost two days and felt shaky. I opened an MRE and ate something hoping it would get rid of the shakes, after about an hour it did. MREs are filled with calories and starches to keep you going.

A month passed without any further casualties, when the Commandant came around he presented me with my second Purple Heart. I felt no pride in being given the medal five guys received it posthumously in our unit. I'd been really tired this last month and was counting down the remaining three months until we rotated back to the world. Sometimes it felt that three months might not pass. I woke up late about a week later I was covered in sweat, when I went to get up I couldn't move. I called out and Gunny woke up, he turned on his lantern, he looked over at me, I told him I couldn't move. He came over when he looked at my face I could see something was wrong. He told me he'd get the corpsman. I saw him pull on his short and literally run across to the corpsman's tent within minutes the corpsman was shining a light in my eyes. He took my blood pressure. He was asking me questions when the ambulance crew showed up. He stayed with me going to the field hospital. When I arrived the doctor on duty gave me an exam. Once he finished he ordered that I be Medivac to one of the Navy Hospital Ships at sea. It took several hours for a helicopter to pick me up, but I could feel when the helicopter touched down on the ship. There were nurses and doctors surrounding the stretcher I was on as they wheeled me below decks.

Over the next several days I was examined left and right. Blood test after blood test was run. Finally, a doctor came to see me, up until then no one said anything to me other than, "you'll be all right." The doctor sat in a chair next to the bed.

"Chance I'm Doctor Olsen, how are you feeling now?"

I nodded my head, "much better."

He smiled, "good I knew the antibiotics would help."

Looking at him, "so I had an infection?"

The doctors head wavered back and forth, "not exactly, Chance you have Leukemia, it seems to be under control with the medicine that we've give you. Once we get you back to the States you'll have to undergo treatments to get you into remission. You've got a very vigorous type of Leukemia but on your side is that you're young and healthy. I'm going to send you back home in the next few days. Do you have any questions?"

I looked directly in the doctor's eyes, "what are my chances?"

He nodded, "at your age and as healthy as you are about fifty fifty. More than 47 percent of the patients with this type of Leukemia are surviving now while just five years ago almost 95 percent died within the first year after diagnosis."

I lifted my hand the doctor shook and wished me the best.

I lay there for a while not thinking about anything. I felt good just to be able to move again. The doctor said the temporary paralysis couldn't be explained he said it might have been nothing more than nerves, etc. The longer I lay there the more I missed and needed Gary to take care of me, and that made me scared. The day before I was due to Medivac out, Gunny showed up with all my belongings. He sat with me and told me the guys really missed me pushing them around. He smiled and said he'd heard I was going to be fine, I nodded affirming his belief. We shook and he headed up on deck to catch a ride back to the base.

Ninety-six hours later I lay in bed at Bethesda Naval Hospital. The doctors had scheduled a series of blood tests, MRIs and other tests. Gary still had no idea where I was. I was still too weak to walk so I asked the nurse for a phone to call my family. She was great and within the hour I had a phone and some privacy. I called the house and then remembered Gary would be at work. I got hold of his nurse and told her who I was she said she would put me through immediately.

I could hear Gary fumbling with the receiver, "hello."

"Gary it's me." I couldn't even talk I felt like crying.

"Chance what's wrong?"

I tried to calm down but couldn't, the nurse came into the room and took the phone. Very calmly she told Gary what had happened, then she hung up. I still couldn't talk. She smiled at me, "I know you're almost twenty-three but you look sixteen. This will help you to calm down. I explained everything to your brother."

When I woke up the next morning, Gary was sitting beside my bed. He looked at me and smiled, "I've missed you, I'm going to be here from now on."

I nodded my head then turned away and cried, Gary finally asked the nurse to give me a sedative. While I was asleep Gary met with the doctors, he went over every test, every x-ray, when he was satisfied with a diagnosis he asked the doctors to transfer me to the Cancer Institute in Virginia. The doctors made the recommendation and within a day I was in an ambulance for the drive from Maryland to Virginia. Gary rode beside me holding my hand and talking to me.

Six weeks after my chemotherapy treatments began I felt better. I got sick to my stomach at times, but I could walk now. Test showed that I might be in remission. Gary was ecstatic, seeing him happy made me happy. Another month passed before I was allowed to leave the hospital, regular checkups would be required. As we left the hospital Gary drove me over to NAS Norfolk where I was medically retired from the Marines. Gary watched my face throughout the day and once the house came into view I felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Gary and I got everything in the house then we sat on the sofa beside each other. Gary pulled me tightly in his arms. I felt his body shake, his tears rested on my scalp. I hugged him tight as I cried with him. When we got past our tears. Gary looked at me I lifted my hands on either side of his face and kissed him gently running my fingers up the back of his neck.

"Gary I love you so much."

He smiled, "you better because you're stuck with me I love you too."

I needed Gary, I lifted his hand and we climbed the stairs to our bedroom. I made love to Gary several times until exhausted he lay with his head in my lap. I caressed the side of his face with one hand and my fingers moved through his hair. "I love you so much, I don't know how to thank you for taking care of me."

He looked in my eyes, "it's what you do when you love someone."

Gary made love to me before lying on his back and letting me take him, he cried out making me swear I would never leave him again and I swore.

It's true Gary and I had been made for each other, the healthier I became the more time we spent running and playing on the beach. During the winter we'd sit on the balcony outside holding each other drinking coffee and talking about what we wanted to do for our next vacation. Gary told me he'd never been this happy. I told him the same.

• Prologue -

On June 25, 1 day short of Chance's twenty sixth birthday as we lay in bed together, Chance died in my arms. I held him for hours before calling the funeral home. Chance didn't suffer not one day. We lived our lifetime in the couple of years we had together. I'll be 41 soon, and life no longer seems hopeless or alone, no matter where I go in my life from this point on, I have Chance in my heart. On the bookcase in our house are his medals, and numerous pictures of the two of us. I don't mourn him he lives inside me. He made me a better doctor and a better person and I love him as much today as I did when I held him close in my arms. Chance was a wonderful man and a brave and honest Marine.