DISCLAIMER: This is a work of FICTION. It is NOT TRUE. Any resemblance between any character and any real person is thoroughly and completely accidental. This story contains scenes of sex between males. So you're forewarned. If this story warps your sex-drive or your previously held opinions, feelings or desires, then it has been successful.
Marine Encounter - Part XI by RimPig (c) 2002
As I lay in bed that night listening to Shawn's deep, steady breaths, I began to think about Mark. It had been years since I had thought about him, but the discussion about kids in foster care naturally brought his memory back to me.
Mark was a foster care kid. When I was 11 or 12, we lived next to his foster care parents for a few years. The Petersens, the name of his foster care family, were nice people. They seemed to really care for the four kids that they fostered. Mark was the oldest, he was 14. The others three were all girls. Julie who was three, Kindra who was four and Melissa who was 8.
Mark and I got to be very good friends. The fact was, I had a huge crush on him. I was only just discovering that I was strongly attracted to other boys. I didn't know exactly what it meant, but I knew that this was somehow different. I tried to keep my feelings well hidden, but I guess I couldn't do a very good job around Mark because I was so taken with him.
He was a very good-looking boy. He was about 5' 8" tall. He had very dark brown hair and deep blue eyes. His body was quite muscular for a boy his age because he played football on a municipal league and worked out on a set of weights that Mr. Petersen had in the garage. I loved to watch him lifting weights, his young muscles straining and bulging while his skin glistened with sweat. I loved the opportunities I got to smell him after he had worked out. It was the first time I began to notice how wonderful a guy's natural scent was - especially when they were sweaty. I loved the smell of Mark and was eager to get close to him every chance I could get. My parents wouldn't let me work out with weights because they said I wasn't old enough, but Mike still allowed me to watch him every day when he did it. These were some of my happiest memories. Mark's beautiful muscles and the scent of him surrounding me as I watched. Of course, I had to hide the hardon I constantly had while this was going on.
The best part of all of this is that Mark seemed to like me as well. He was always letting me hang out with him and would, when no one else was around, even put his arm around my shoulders and let me feel the touch of his skin against mine. Mark loved coming over to my house and playing with all the stuff in my room. As a foster care kid, Mark didn't have a lot of his own things. But I loved having him around and let him have full run of my room any time he wanted.
My parents let Mark sleep over a lot as well. I think they figured out very quickly that I cared very deeply about Mark. They seemed a little bothered at first but one day, my Dad came to my room when I was alone and sat down on my bed and started talking to me.
"You really like Mark a lot, don't you, Bobby?" he said.
I guess I must have blushed at this. I remember feeling my face getting hot.
"Yeah, Dad! He's so cool!" I answered, my face turned to the floor.
"He seems like a very nice boy. Is he nice to you?" Dad asked.
"Oh, yes! He's always very nice to me. He lets me spend time with him and he shows me stuff. He's almost like an older brother. I wish he was my older brother." I trailed off.
"I know, son. But you know that your mom and I can't have any more children. You know, all boys have very special friends when they're growing up. They are almost like brothers to them. It's perfectly normal to have those kinds of feelings for someone. I just want you to understand that sometimes those feelings change. Mark is a bit older than you and someday soon, he might start getting more interested in girls than hanging around with you. That's normal, too. So don't be too sad if it happens. Do you understand?" he asked.
I didn't really, but I nodded my head anyway because that's what he seemed to expect from me. He left then, but I continued to think about what he had said. Mark didn't seem at all interested in girls. We had talked about it one night when he slept over. He told me about sex, about how babies are made. He didn't go any further then, but that night, I woke up to find Mark arms around me and us laying like spoons. I also felt his cock was very hard inside his briefs and shoved up against my butt as we slept. I remember that I felt so warm and protected with his arms around me like that. I drifted back off to sleep, secure and happy.
As time when on, Mark and I talked more and more about sex stuff. He talked about jacking off. I'd already discovered that a long time ago. I had just started shooting cum but I didn't have any pubic hair yet. Mark's cock was huge in comparison to mine - or at least I thought so at the time. He had dark hairs sprouting around it and when it was hard, it was over six inches long. I got to see it a lot because whenever Mark would sleep over, we would jack off together. I couldn't take my eyes off his hardon while he worked his hand up and down the shaft. One night I noticed that Mark was just as avidly watching me stroke my cock at the same time. He seemed to be getting off on my cock as much as I was his.
One night, several weeks after this, I finally got up the nerve to ask Mark if I could touch his cock. We were lying in bed, slowly stroking our hardon's. We hadn't really started to get into it yet. Mark was hesitant at first, but finally said that I could touch his if he could touch mine. I readily agreed. He said we should not lay shoulder to shoulder as we were, however. We should lay with our head pointing to each other's feet so that we could get a "good look" at each other's cocks.
Not knowing really anything about boy/boy sex, I didn't realize that this was the position for 69. But I was eager to get my hands on Mark's boner and putting my face that close to his crotch, and all the wonderful smells I knew were there, just made things that much better.
As I touched and played with Mark's cock, I noticed a small drop of clear liquid that bubbled up from his piss-slit. I touched it and found it very slick. Without thinking, I brought my finger to my mouth and tasted it. It tasted very sweet. With my finger still in my mouth, I looked up to see Mark looking at me. I was very embarrassed to have been caught doing something like this, but Mark smiled at me and reached down and ruffled my hair.
"Does it taste good to you, buddy?" he asked.
I nodded my head.
"Yeah, it does to me, too! I love to lick it off my fingers when I'm jacking off. There's more of it, why don't you taste it again?" he said. I could hear something in his voice which I later recognized as desire.
I don't know why I did it - natural instinct, I guess - but when I saw more of the sweet nectar bubbling out of his cock head, I didn't use my finger. I just leaned over and wiped my tongue across the top of his cock and licked up all the sweet liquid I could find there. I heard Mark groan and I thought I had hurt him in some way. I quickly lifted my head to look at him. His eyes seemed to burn into mine.
"Oh, God! That felt so good! Please do it again!" Mark begged.
I was thrilled. Something I did made Mark feel really good! Of course, I immediately bent down again and began licking all over his cock head. Mark continued to moan at the feel of my tongue and I was in heaven. I could smell the wonderful odor of adolescent male crotch wafting up into my nose and I knew there was no place on earth I would rather be for the rest of my life. Without being told, I began to take Mark's cock into my mouth. As it moved inside me, I continued to lick all around it. Marks moans became louder until they stopped all together.
Then I felt it. The warm wetness surrounded my hard cock and I thought I would lose it right there and then. I looked over, and there was Mark with my cock buried in his mouth. He was giving me the very same pleasure that I was giving him. I lay there watching while Mark continued to lick and suck on my cock inside his mouth. Noticing that I had stopped, Mark took his mouth from my cock and looked me deep in the eyes.
"Don't stop. Let's do each other." Mark said and then he dipped his head down and re-captured my cock in his mouth.
I quickly complied, taking as much of his cock in my mouth as I could. I wanted to take all of it, like he'd done mine. But, at first, it was difficult. But as I sucked on his cock, my mouth and throat gradually began to relax and more and more of Mark's cock slid inside until it hit the back of my throat. I guess it was just reflex, or something that happened naturally, but the minute that Mark's cock hit the back of my throat, I didn't gag. In fact, the muscles of my throat just seemed to open up and suck Mark's cock deep inside.
Mark began to hunch against my face, driving his cock in and out of my sucking mouth and throat. I loved the feeling of his cock fucking my mouth and throat. I loved watching his balls moving within their smooth sack and finally tightening up, one on each side of Mark's cock. Mark was really moaning around my cock now and pushing his cock in and out of my mouth. Suddenly, he stopped and grew very tense. I had the presence of mind to keep sucking on his cock and with a great moan, I suddenly felt my mouth filled with hot, acrid, thick liquid that shot from Mark's cock. Not knowing what else to do, I began to quickly swallow to keep from being drowned by Mark's adolescent load.
At the same time, I reached the point of no return and began to cum into Mark's mouth. Not very much, I could only shoot a few drops at that time, but Mark gobbled my cock hungrily - like a man starved. We continued to nurse on each other's cock, trying to get the last little bit of liquid, until both our cocks became too sensitive to stand it any longer.
At that point, Mark reached for me and I moved up the bed into his arms. He held me tightly and began to gently kiss me. First my forehead, then my eyes, then the tip of my nose and, finally, his lips gently touched mine. I could feel his lips open and his tongue began to gently lick my lower lip until I opened my mouth. Then his tongue shyly began to lick inside, tasting his own load in my mouth. I moaned and sucked on his tongue and our kiss became deeper and more passionate.
This was no longer about two horny boys getting each other off. With a blinding flash, I suddenly realized what these feelings I had for Mark were. I was deeply, totally in love with him and tried in every way to show him how much I cared. Mark seemed to have the same feelings and the same agenda. We continued to kiss for a long time, barely allowing either of us to breathe. And, as we kissed, our cock became hard again and began to push against each other.
Mark finally broke the kiss, but began to move down my body. First he licked and sucked at my neck which caused goose-bumps to rise all over my body. From there he trailed down my chest and began to suck at each one of my nipples. My back arched off the bed, shoving my chest into his face, as I felt the electric shocks of pleasure shoot through my body. I had no idea that my nipples were that sensitive or what it would feel like to have someone suck on them.
Mark finally moved farther down my body, trailing his tongue across my flat stomach and burying his face in my crotch. I could hear him snorting as he breathed deeply of the scent of my cock and balls. I thought he was going to suck my cock again, but instead, he began to slowly and deliberately lick my balls. I was overwhelmed by the sensation of his tongue as he licked my sack and was almost driven to the point of madness when he took my scrotum within his mouth and began to suck on both of my balls at once. But Mark didn't stop there.
Reaching under my legs, he pushed them up and back until my knees were almost resting on my chest and my ass was spread and raised to his view. Mark dipped his head forward and I could hear him taking whiffs of my ass scent. It suddenly struck me that Mark evidently loved the smell of my body as much as I loved the smell of his. What he did next, however, almost blew me completely away. After getting a good whiff of my ass, he dipped his head lower and I felt his tongue licking away at my hole.
This was almost more than I could take. I had never dreamed that my ass could be so sensitive or that anyone would ever think of, much less do, what Mark was doing to me. Having licked up and down my butt crack a few times, he now centered all his attention on my tiny ass hole. He licked and sucked at the orifice and gradually, I could feel the pressure of his tongue trying to go inside of me. Gradually, my butt hole loosened up from all of the coaxing and pressure of Mark's mouth and for the first time, I felt a man's tongue licking deep inside of me. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. And I suddenly knew that there was nothing I wouldn't do to feel this again and again.
But there was something far beyond just Mark's rimming of my hole that was to come. I guess if I had any inkling of what was about to happen, I might have been scared. But I loved Mark with my whole heart and soul. I trusted him and knew, that no matter what he wanted to do to me, it would be wonderful. Marked looked up at me from between my legs, his mouth still licking my ass and he winked at me. I smiled at him and was once more lost to the feeling of his tongue buried in my most secret and intimate place.
Mark finally stopped licking my hole and began to gently shove his finger into my ass. Because of all the saliva that was deposited there and how well relaxed his had made my sphincter, it slid in easily. Mark began to play up inside my hole and he suddenly pushed against something that almost had me rise vertically off the bed! I didn't know what he hit with his finger, but it felt like I was cumming. Mark grinned at my reaction and continued to press against this spot several times until I was all but begging him to stop. The feeling was so intense, I could hardly stand it.
Mark then began working a second finger up my hole. He was making my hole relax and grow bigger but I couldn't understand why. I knew nothing about boys fucking each other in the ass but I knew that my ass was 'itching' deep inside for something beyond Mark's fingers. I just didn't know what. I began to wiggle my ass and try to push it forward to gobble up more of Mark's fingers. Seeing this, Mark smiled at me.
"Well, I guess you're ready!" Mark said, reaching down and beginning to stroke his already hard cock.
"Ready for what?" I asked in all innocense.
"I want to fuck you, Bobby." Mark said, his tone deeply loving and horny at the same time.
"What do you mean?" I asked, not really knowing what he was talking about.
"You know, I told you about fucking, how a guy fucks a girl to get her pregnant." Mark explained.
"Yeah, but I'm not a girl." I said, quite confused by all of this.
"I know. But guys can fuck other guys. They just fuck their butts rather than a girl's pussy." he said, making things much plainer.
"You want to shove your cock up my butt?" I asked.
"Yes. You're all relaxed now, it shouldn't hurt. And when I do, it's going to feel really, really good." Mark promised.
"I'm scared." I admitted.
"Don't be, Bobby. I won't hurt you, I promise. Can I please fuck you?" Mark asked.
"Ok. But, Mark, please don't hurt me. I love you." I said.
At this, Mark looked up and stared deeply into my eyes. I thought I saw tears start to glisten in his.
"Do you really? Do you really love me, Bobby?" he asked breathlessly.
"Yes, Mark, I do. I have loved you for a very long time. I didn't realize it until you took me in your arms and began to kiss me. But I do. Is that ok?" I asked.
"Yes, it is very ok!" Mark voice was husky with emotion. "It's been so very long since anyone has told me that. I didn't think I'd ever have anyone love me again. I love you, Bobby. That's why I want to fuck you. It will bring us as closely together as two people can be. Do you understand?" he asked.
"Yes, I'm beginning to. Part of your body will be inside my body. That's almost like we were one person." I told him.
"That's exactly it. Don't you want that?" Mark almost begged.
"I want that more than anything!" I promised.
Mark didn't say anymore. The time for talking was over. He dipped down and again applied more of his spit to my ass and then spit on his hand and lubed up his hard cock with it. He placed the head of his cock at my hole and gently began to push. I felt some pressure. It didn't hurt, but my sphincter didn't seem to want to open any further to let Mark in. Mark looked down at me and told me to push down, like I was taking a dump and that would let my hole relax. I did as he said and the next thing I knew, the head of his cock had broken through and was buried halfway in my ass.
I expected there to be pain, but there wasn't. Mark's loosening of my ass had been very successful. I felt a fullness with his cock inside me, but I felt a completeness as well. Like this was something that I had wanted all my life but never knew. Mark hesitated to see if I was alright, but I just smiled at him. At this, he began to push his cock slowly the rest of the way into me. I, however, was too impatient. I reached out and grabbed his hips and pulled him to me as hard as I could. His cock went tearing through my ass and bottomed out as his curly pubic hair tickled the outside of my hole.
The feeling of having him completely inside me was indescribable. I never felt anything more natural in my life. It felt so perfect. I felt so complete. I knew that this was what I wanted to feel the rest of my life. Buried to the hilt inside me, Mark relaxed his body down until he was resting on his elbows with his face directly above mine. He leaned down and his lips sought mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we kissed deeply as his cock throbbed inside my tight chute.
Slowly, he began to withdraw and I moaned at his attempt to leave me. I wanted his cock inside me. I didn't want him to pull out. But he didn't go far. He pulled back a few inches and then drove his cock back into my hole as deeply as he could. This felt even better! He was fucking me and I was loving every second of it!
Mark began to withdraw and push in more rapidly. He found a natural rhythm, and I was lost in the intense feelings and emotions of being made love to by a boy that I truly loved. He began to fuck me harder and harder. And the harder he fucked me, the more I begged him to fuck me harder. The feelings were beyond anything I'd ever felt before. His cock kept rubbing up against that place inside me until I knew that I was about to cum and I hadn't even touched my cock the whole time. I began moaning and thrashing about until my body tensed and I came all over my stomach. More cum than I'd ever shot before.
Feeling the tightening of my hole around his cock as I came, sent Mark over the edge as well. He began to pound very hard into my ass and then, with one last thrust to bury himself completely inside me, I could feel his cock throbbing inside me as he unloaded his cum deep in my guts. He held that position for a few more moments, and then collapsed on top of me.
I put my arms around him and held him, nuzzling my face into his sweaty neck. I was getting intense odors of his body, my cum and my ass from our sexual abandon. It was a heady mixture and I loved it. Mark finally raised his head and began to kiss me, gently this time.
"I love you." he said, looking deep into my eyes. I smiled at him.
"I love you, too. That was the most wonderful thing that anyone has ever done to me!" I said.
"Wait until you feel what it feels like to fuck me." Mark promised.
That took me aback. I hadn't thought of fucking Mark. The thought of it hadn't entered my mind. But once he said that, my cock got instantly hard. Yes! That was something I wanted to do. Mark, almost reading my mind, grinned at the look on my face. He could feel my rampant cock poking into his tight stomach muscles.
"And I guess you don't want to wait until later, do you?" Mark asked, grinning at me.
"I'll wait if you want to, but no. I want to fuck you now!" I said eagerly.
Mark moved off me and lay face down on the bed and spread his legs.
"Just take it easy, ok? It's been a long time since anyone has fucked me." Mark said to me.
"I promise. I don't want to hurt you. I love you, remember?" I said.
"Yes, I remember." he said almost with a sigh. He rested his head on his crossed arms and I got between his legs.
I stared down at his beautiful, fourteen year old ass. I was not going to miss out on the availability of it. I leaned down and began to lick all over the cheeks of his butt. The skin was smooth and hairless but I could feel the strong muscles beneath the soft skin. I moved towards his butt crack and the ripe scent of adolescent ass hit my nose for the first time in my life. I loved the scent instantly. It was strong, it was musky and it was Mark. The most basic essence of this boy that I loved.
I buried my face in his ass trench, and like he had done to me, began to take deep whiffs of the assy scent I found there. Mark reached back with both his hands and spread his ass cheeks for me so that I could get the full essence of his adolescent body. I pushed my nose into his ripe trench and actually butted up against his moist hole. The scent was stronger and darker there. I reached out my tongue and began to lick across his hole. Mark moaned at the touch of my tongue and I was lost to the joys of rimming. As he did me, I locked my lips around his hole and began to suck gently on it, taking the wrinkly skin into my mouth and licking it. It tasted tart but good to me.
I began to press my tongue against Mark's hole and it easily opened and allowed me to enter. I licked deep within his ass. My mind evidently blocked out the possibility of him being dirty inside. In fact, all I found there was the incredible softness of his body's interior. Now I knew why he wanted so badly to fuck me! I couldn't wait to bury my hard cock in this hot, smooth wetness inside him.
"You don't need to use your fingers. I think I can take you." Mark moaned.
I raised up and spitting on my cock as Mark had for lube, I placed the head of my cock at his soft, wrinkly hole. I applied pressure with my hips and, almost without realizing it, my cock buried itself in the hot, wetness inside of him. When I came to my senses, my cock was buried completely in Mark's ass and I was laying across his back and licking the back of his neck. Mark was moaning and moving his ass, trying to get all of me as deeply inside him as he could.
"God! Your ass feels so good!" I whispered in his ear.
"Not half as good as your cock does in there!" Mark replied. "Now, fuck me, buddy. Fuck me really hard. I like it that way."
Taking him at his word, I began to shove my cock in and out of his ass as hard as I could. And, even though I'd just cum, I knew that I would not be able to last long at this tempo. Mark was moaning the whole time and pushing his ass back each time I slammed into it to try and get my cock even further up his hole. Each time my cock smashed into his ass, the head of my cock seemed to rub up against this hard knot up inside his butt. I pummeled his ass to the best of my ability and, to my amazement, I suddenly felt Mark's ass grip my cock tightly and the muscles inside his butt begin to throb. I somehow knew that Mark was cumming again. This threw me into my own orgasm. I felt like I shot a gallon of cum up his butt, but I know it could have only been a couple of squirts, if that, after having cum twice already.
I collapsed on Mark's back - sweaty, exhausted, and out of breath. I buried my face in his hair, breathing the sweaty scent of my lover. I was as happy and contented as a male could be. For the first time, I began to understand the wonder of being a man.
We lay there for a while and then Mark suggested that we take a shower.
"We both stink!" he exclaimed, taking a sniff of his body.
"But I love the way you smell." I argued.
"You do? Nobody's ever said that to me before." Mark said, looking at me with questions in his eye.
"I've always loved the way you smell. That's why I always try to be close to you." I said, hanging my head. For some reason, I suddenly felt shame about this quirk of mine.
"I always wondered about that. I kind of thought that you did. But I thought I was the only one who liked the way other guys smell. You know I love the scent of your body, don't you?" Mark said, raising my chin and staring into my eyes.
"Not until tonight. When you were sniffing my butt, I suddenly realized that you liked my scent as much as I loved yours." I answered.
"And did you like the scent of my butt? You seemed to spend a long time sniffing it." Mark said, grinning at me.
"Yeah! I did! I know that's probably gross, but I really loved the scent of your butt. Is that wrong? Do you hate me for that?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
"Hate you! I'll show you how much I hate you for it!"
And with that, Mark picked me up and threw me back on the bed. He got over me so that his cock was over my face and his head was between my legs. He raised my legs and pulled my butt back to his mouth and he began to sniff and lick and suck at my tender, just fucked ass. I could feel him sucking his cum out of my butt. I reached up and felt behind his balls until my fingers could reach his moist, just fucked hole. I slid a finger inside and Mark moaned. He dropped my legs and sat up so that his butt was over my face. He slowly lowered it until my mouth latched onto his ass lips and I began to suck and lick at his hole. It was still relaxed from being fucked and I was able to shove almost my whole tongue up his butt. I did taste some of my own cum along with the dark tartness of the inside of his ass.
"Mmm. That feels so good!" Mark murmured above me. "How the fuck could I hate anyone who makes me feel this good!".
I continued to feast at Mark's ass for a few more minutes until he raised up off my face. He turned around and lay down on top of me, joining out mouths in a deep and passionate kiss. I tasted my ass on his mouth for the first time and I loved the taste. We swapped tastes back and forth for a while until Mark finally broke the kiss.
"We still need to take a shower. We may love the way we smell, but we smell like sex. And we don't want everyone else to know what we've been doing." Mark said.
I didn't care if the whole fucking world knew that I had made love to Mark, but I began to understand that this was not something that you wanted everyone else to know. Especially not other guys. Somewhere in the back of my head the words "gay", "fag" and "queer" were moving around. Was what Mark and I just did wrong? Was anything that wonderful and that loving wrong? I was very confused. But then Mark put his arm around me and all of my confusion disappeared. I didn't care what anyone thought of me. This was the happiest night of my life and I loved what we had done.
We got into the shower together and Mark and I took infinite pains to wash each other. We soaped and touched every part of each other's body. It was like we were discovering each other all over again. When we finished, we carefully and gently dried each other off and then walked hand-in-hand to the bed. I curled up in Mark's arms and lay my head on his muscular chest. I was quickly lost in deep, exhausted and contented sleep.
That's the way my Dad found us the next morning. He didn't say anything about it. In fact, he seemed to understand. I remember he smiled at me as I raised my head from Mark's chest to say good morning. And then he winked and said that I seemed to have slept well. I didn't catch the double entendre at that time. Only later, many years later, did I understand.
For the next two years, I was incredibly happy. I was deeply in love with Mark and he seemed to be with me. That is, until just after he turned 16.
Something seemed to happen to him when he turned 16. Mark seemed to withdraw inside himself to a place I couldn't reach him. He started having dark moods and would disappear for days at a time. His foster parents became very worried as well. I was beside myself. I didn't know what to do. And there was no one I could talk to about it. At times, Mark seemed like his old self. We would have fun spending time together and we would make passionate love to one another. But those times became fewer and fewer.
At first, I thought it might be what my Dad had talked to me about once. That Mark was starting to be interested in girls. But there was no sign of that. I did notice that he started drinking. I don't know where he was getting the beer and booze, probably from some of his jock buddies on the football team. Mark was playing varsity now on our high school team.
I had no real interest in sports, but I went to every game just in the hope of getting to see Mark play. And usually, he did. Especially in the last quarter when they would pull juniors off the bench. One of the things that happened during those days was that Mark spent most of his time on campus with the other jocks and completely ignoring me. I didn't really mind. Mark had explained time and again why it was important that no one knew about what we really were to each other. I went along because that was what Mark wanted. But it hurt me inside.
The worst night of my life began as one of the happiest. My parents were going out for the evening and wouldn't be home until very late. Mark and I were up in my room supposedly doing homework but really just sitting and talking, just like we used to. As soon as my parents left, Mark went to his gym bag and pulled out a bottle of champagne and several joints. I'd never had pot before and at first it scared me. But Mark assured me that it would make me feel wonderful and feel like making love all night long.
We drank the champagne and I got very tipsy. I did not drink like Mark did and it didn't take much to get me drunk. Then we started smoking the joints. It took even less to get me stoned. At one point, Mark took a big hit off of the joint and then held my face to his and began to breath the smoke into my mouth. I sucked in the smoke from his mouth. He said this was called "shot- gunning" and I found it very sexy.
Before long, we were naked and making love to each other. Mark wanted me to fuck him first and then he fucked me. We switched back and forth until we had each cum at least four times. We lay on the bed in a sweaty, exhausted tangle when Mark suddenly buried his face in my stomach and started to cry. I had never seen Mark this emotional. Deep sobs wracked his body while I tried to hold him and comfort him. I couldn't imagine what was wrong.
Finally, he stopped crying, and then he pushed me away. I couldn't understand what was happening. Then I heard Mark say that we had to stop doing this. That we couldn't have sex with each other anymore and, in fact, we couldn't even see each other anymore. I was completely overwhelmed. I wanted to cry but was too shocked to do so.
Mark started pacing the room and ranting about the fact that he didn't want to be "queer". He wanted to fuck girls and have a normal life. He didn't want to be a faggot and if he kept seeing me that is exactly what he would end up being.
Then he started to cry again. I went over to him, but he pushed me away again. This time, so hard that I fell and must have hit my head against the edge of the desk. I passed out cold.
When I came to, Mark was gone. There was blood dripping from my head and my parents were hovering over me. My father gathered me up in his arm and, with my mother's help, got some shorts and a T-shirt on me and then took me to the hospital. The blood was from a slight scalp wound but I had a concussion and the hospital wouldn't release me until the next day.
When my parents brought me home, the Petersens were waiting for us. We all sat down in the living room and my father started to question me.
"What happened last night? How did you hit your head?" he asked.
"It was really nothing, Dad, honest!" I said, trying to shield Mark from any blame.
"Did Mark hit you?" he asked bluntly.
"No!" I replied angrily.
"What happened then?" he asked me again.
"Mark got very upset and I tried to comfort him. He pushed me away and I fell. That's how it happened. It wasn't Mark's fault. He didn't mean to hurt me!" I cried.
"When did you see Mark last?" Mr. Petersen asked me.
"I kind of passed out. When I came to, Mark was gone." I answered.
"So you never saw him again last night?" My father asked.
"NO! What's this all about? Where is Mark? Has he run away?" I asked frantically.
The adults all looked at each other but not at me. I knew something was horribly, terribly wrong.
"What's happened? Has something happened to Mark?" I started screaming.
My Dad came over and pulled me into his arms. He held me very tight and began to talk to me very quietly.
"Bobby, sometimes things happen that no one can predict. Sometimes people do things and we don't know why. There's no other way to tell you this but straight out. Mark killed himself last night. He took Mr. Petersen's gun and shot himself. By the time someone found him, he was dead."
I searched my father's face, praying that he was joking. Praying that this was all some horrible, grotesque practical joke. But I knew it wasn't. I screamed once and that is all I remember.
I woke up sometime later. I found out it was almost a day later. My Dad was sitting by my bed watching me. I opened my eyes hoping that it had all been a bad dream. But the look of concern on my Dad's face told me that it wasn't. Mark was dead. Dead at his own hand. His loving me had driven him to kill himself. I wanted to die, too! I had no reason left for living.
"I know how much you must love Mark." My Dad said. I just stared at him.
"Mark left a note for you. It was clutched in his hand when they found him." my Dad said, handing a crumpled piece of notebook paper out to me.
I took it in my trembling hands and read it.
Dear Bobby,
I'm sorry for all those stupid things I said to you. All you have ever done is offer me more love than anyone else ever has in my whole life. More love than I deserve. I've tried so hard not to love you. I didn't want to be this way, and I'm afraid that now I've made you this way as well. I can't live with that anymore. I always thought that we'd just end up as friends. That these feelings would just go away when we got older. But they just keep getting stronger. One of the guys on the team saw us a month ago out in the woods behind the school. He saw me kiss you. Now everybody on the team knows that I'm queer. I had to quit last week because I just couldn't take the insults anymore. I thought that would end it, but now, other guys in school are starting to make comments as well. I'm sorry, Bobby, I just can't live like this. I don't have any family I can turn to. You never asked, so I never told you but my father was a drunk who used to beat me all the time and when I was 8 he raped me. My mother was a hooker and a drug addict who had died after I was born. I ran away after my what my dad did to me and that's how I ended up in foster care. Maybe if I had parents like yours, parents who loved me, I could have made it. I want you to know that I do love you. I always have and I always will. Please forgive me for not being stronger.
Mark
When I finished reading it, I broke down in tears. My Dad came and took me in his arms and let me cry. I cried for a long time.
"I loved him, Daddy, I really did!" I sobbed.
"I know, son, I know." my Dad said, gently stroking my hair.
"Do you hate me for that?" I asked, afraid of the answer.
"Of course not!" My Dad said. "How could I hate you for loving someone. Especially someone who obviously loved you very, very much."
"But it was queer!" I sobbed.
"Now stop that!" he almost yelled at me. "I don't want to ever hear that word out of your mouth again! The only thing that made Mark kill himself was the stupid bigottry and hatred of other people who use that word! Those people's hate is worse than anything that you or Mark could ever have done! If you want to use a word, use the word 'gay'. And whatever you're going to be, be proud of yourself. Don't let other people's opinions make you so hate yourself that what happened to Mark could happen to you!"
"No, Daddy, I would never kill myself. I couldn't do that to you or mom. I'm sorry." I replied.
He didn't say anything else to me, just held me tighter as we sat there.
A few days later, there was a funeral for Mark. The only people that came were the Peteresens, the other foster children, my mom and dad, Mark's social worker and me. The state doesn't pay for funerals for foster care kids. I found out later that my Dad had paid for it and the beautiful casket that held Mark's lifeless body. When the funeral was over, everyone left except my parents and me.
"We'll leave you alone for a while." my Dad said to me, taking my mother's arm and leading her to the car.
I stood looking down at the casket, trying to picture Mark laying there but the picture just wouldn't come to me. All I could see was the Mark I knew and loved. The Mark who made love to me and held me and kissed me. I finally knelt down and leaned my body over the glossy wood, hugging the casket and started to talk to him.
"Mark, I love you, too. You know that. I always will. I will never, ever forget you! You didn't have to do this. If you'd only told me what happened we could have found a way to work this out. You never knew it, but my parents would have helped. They thought of you like a son, too. We all loved you. I just wish it had been enough. I miss you. I always will."
I cried a few more tears and then I walked slowly back to the car.
As I sat there in bed thinking over all that had happened, I began to cry again. To cry for Mark, a boy I loved who just couldn't bring himself to accept who he was. And to cry for my loss of him.
Shawn must have heard me crying because the next thing I knew, he was there with his strong arms around me, asking me what was wrong.
I looked up into his deep green eyes and saw the concern. I felt badly that I had awakened him and caused this concern in him. I guess the time had come to share with him this 'ghost' from my 'closet'.
"I didn't mean to wake you, love." I said. "This is nothing to do with us. It's something that happened a long time ago. There was this beautiful boy named Mark..." I began.
The End of Part XI
There are studies that show that up to 87% of the suicides of males between the ages of 13 and 21 in this country are related to what psychologists call "confusion in sexual orientation". In other words, young guys trying to come to terms with being Gay and not being able to handle it because of the terrible homophobia which still exists in this society. 33 years after Stonewall, we still have Gay bashings and assaults against Gay people in our society an in our schools. While this story of Bobby and Mark is not true, it all too easily could be.
I hope you enjoyed at least the earlier part of the story. I know that last part was difficult to read. It was equally difficult to write. So much so that I buried this chapter and never sent it to Nifty. I only realized what I had done when I sent in Chapter XII and was notified that I had never sent in Chapter XI. You perhaps can understand why.
I know that most of you think that writers have complete control over their stories, and maybe some do. But I don't. It's like once I create the characters and set the scene, they seem to take on a life of their own. I didn't want to write something like this, but I always knew that there was a 'dark side' to Bobby's life and I wanted to know what it was. I'm almost sorry I did. But now I understand him better, his love for Shawn and the fear he has of losing him. I hope you understand better as well.
Please consider making a donation to keep this site open and free. I have received fan mail from males who are the ages of Bobby and Mark in this story. I have been thrilled to realize that there is a place that they can go to read about the fact that loving someone of your own sex is not wrong and, in fact, can be quite wonderful. I think that resource is worth keeping.
Thank you.
RimPig