A Shift in the Universe Christian Mitchell Copyright 2004
CHAPTER FOUR:
As I walked outside thoughts of the talk my mother wanted to have with me, the conversation I had yet to have with Kyle and my own questions about my sexuality were echoing in my mind. They blurred and blended together until all the words quickly became a scrambled mess. For a moment I thought I completely understood the concept behind the expression "losing your mind." I literally felt lightheaded, as if my brain was slowly fading away, somehow falling right out of my body.
I sat behind the steering wheel of my car and closed my eyes, rubbing them with both my hands. "Shit!" I exclaimed to myself. I took a deep breath and exhaled forcibly before opening my eyes again. I grabbed my cell phone to call Kyle.
His phone rang only once. "Hey, what's up, man?"
"Well, I'm calling to let you know that I'm on my way to Tyler's house. And to warn you that my mother wants to have a talk with me about you. So I guess you better be prepared for the possibility of questions. Well, that is, if you ever get the nerve to come to my house again."
"Really?"
"No, I'm making it up. It's all a fucking lie!" I was beginning to become angry and it was easy to lash out at Kyle. I realized that it wasn't what I wanted to do and that there was no need for me to take it out on him.
"I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm just a little bit confused and pissed and scared at the moment."
"Hey, Marcus. It's okay," he replied in an attempt to calm me. "Don't worry. I'm here for you, man. Just like I've always been. Just like I always will be."
I didn't say anything. I simply stared at the dashboard with a defeated look on my face.
When Kyle and I had sex it seemed like it would be an event that he and I would share. I wanted it to be a secret that we could cherish as our own. The fact that other people were becoming quickly aware of our activities started to worry me. Mostly I was nervous because I still had not analyzed my own thoughts and desires concerning Kyle. Of course he was my best friend and I didn't want anything to threaten our relationship. Yet, I couldn't help but wonder if we had made a mistake.
"I'm serious, Marcus. Don't let this get to you. Everything is going to be fine."
I quietly replied. "Okay."
"Do you want to skip Tyler's and just come over to my place? Or I can come to your house, if you want."
"No," I quickly replied a little too loudly. "I mean, if my mother wants to talk to me about you then I should do it before you come over. Let's just meet up at Tyler's like planned."
"Alright. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
"Good. Me, too." I turned the cell off and started the car. Just as I was about to pull out of the driveway my dad arrived home. I waited for him to park then I waved hello as he walked to the kitchen door. He paused then turned on his heel and walked toward my car.
I rolled down the window. "Hey, dad! How was work?"
"It was fine," he smiled. "Where are you going?"
"Some of the guys are getting together at Tyler's. I'll probably only be gone a few hours. Mom already knows."
"Okay." He rubbed his hands together. "Have a good time."
"Thanks," I replied. "See you later."
"Marcus, is there anything wrong? You look preoccupied by thought."
My parents and I had a close relationship and it probably would have been fairly easy for me to start talking to my father. Yet, I decided that it was best to wait until I had talked to my mother and Kyle first.
"Ah, no," I smiled. "I'm fine."
"Good. Well, if there's anything you'd like to talk about, you know I'm here for you."
"Of course," I responded. "See you in a few hours."
Tyler was one of my best buddies at school and I liked spending time with him. On that particular night I couldn't believe how quickly I drove to his house. I sped as if I was never going to see him again so I had to get there as soon as possible. Thankfully, there wasn't a cop in sight to risk being issued a speeding ticket, adding to the list of what I was already dealing with at that moment.
I walked into the house through the front door without knocking. Naturally it was Tyler's younger sister that greeted me in the living room. She had a major crush on me. At times it was cute and amusing but there were times that the attention from a girl of twelve became quite annoying. I wasn't in the mood to deal with it so I quickly said hello as I climbed the stairs to Tyler's bedroom.
I knocked on his bedroom door. "Hey, it's me."
"Get in here, mother fucker!" Tyler called out.
As I walked into the room I noticed Brandon and Paul playing a video game on Tyler's television. Tyler was sitting on his bed talking on the phone. He held up one finger to indicate that he was going to be a minute so I slowly walked up behind Paul and grabbed him around the neck.
"Whoa, bitch!" he exclaimed. The chair that he was sitting in tipped backwards and he landed on the floor with a loud bang. "Now I'm gonna kick your ass."
I jumped out of the way as Paul reached to grab my leg. He quickly stood up and charged at me, grabbing me around the waist and raising me into the air. I tried to free myself from his grasp but he was holding me tightly and I couldn't get my arms unbound from his. Suddenly he moved across the room and threw me on Tyler's bed.
Paul swiftly straddled my waist and pushed my arms over my head. I maneuvered my leg up and in front of his stomach to swipe him to the floor in one quick sweep. Unfortunately, when he crashed to the floor he took me with him. However, I was able to straddle him just as he had done to me.
"That's right, bitch," I yelled. "Who's in charge now?"
Paul continued to resist me. He started to laugh loudly. "Man, I'm gonna kick your ass later. You know that, don't you?"
I got up off of him and helped him to his feet. "Probably, but I'll be ready."
Just as Paul was about to charge at me again Tyler protested. "Hey, you guys, knock it off. You're gonna piss my mother off."
"Alright," Paul and I responded in unison.
"Wait until we're outside." Tyler said as he stood up from his bed. "You nearly knocked me off my bed and now it's a mess, too!"
"What, you want me to make your bed for you?" Paul asked sarcastically.
"No."
"Good, 'cause I ain't your fucking maid, bitch," Paul retorted.
Before Tyler could respond Kyle entered the room. "Looks as if I missed the wrestling match."
"Yeah," Tyler replied," these two bitches were all over each other."
"Damn," Kyle smiled. He pretended to frown. "Oh, well. The pizza's here."
Those words prompted Brandon to stand up as quickly possible. "It's just like Kyle to arrive when the food does. Perfect timing."
Kyle flipped him off just as Brandon placed his hands on Kyle's shoulders and squeezed. "What's up, buddy?"
The two walked out of the room as Paul and I cleaned the mess we had created on the floor.
As we were eating the pizza on the patio I glanced at my group of buddies and thought, "damn, we're a good-looking bunch of guys." At the risk of being conceited, I truly realized that I had some really nice looking buddies. Kyle was probably the best looking of the group but the others were rather handsome in their own way.
Brandon was about five feet ten inches tall. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. He was the star pitcher of the baseball team. Since I played center field we had bonded during practice after school. Often he would venture to the gym to work out with Kyle and me. He sort of had a stocky physique but he was all muscle.
Tyler was the taller of all of us. His brown hair was always shaggy and somewhat messy but it always seemed pretty stylish. He had dark eyes and full lips that gave him a pouty look.
Paul was the pretty boy of the group. He had flawless skin with rosy cheeks and pink lips. I doubt he ever had a pimple in his life and he probably never would. All of us were in shape, but Paul's body was ripped and hard with muscle. I'm sure he acquired his shape from being on the swim team because I never really knew him to work out at the gym despite the fact that he ate all the time. He was a lucky bastard.
When we all hung out together we talked and laughed a lot. Usually someone would pick on another guy and a wrestling match would ensue. Sometimes we went to a park or school and played baseball or football. Often times there was about ten of us that hung out on a regular basis. For the most part, my close group of friends included Brandon, Jordan, Kyle, Paul and Tyler. Since Jordan wasn't able to hang out it was just the five of us for the evening.
Kyle and I sat at the table while the others were playing around in the pool. Every once in a while one of them would try to splash us with water but we were seated too far from the pool to get wet. We had informed them that we would get in the pool in a few minutes but they were becoming impatient with us.
"I guess I'll be talking to my mother tonight," I said.
"What are you going to say?"
"I don't know. What do you think I should say?"
"Um," he pondered. "I'm not sure. I guess we need to talk about this, too."
"Um," I mocked. "Yeah."
Kyle frowned. "Don't be that way. Let's talk tonight after we leave here."
"Okay. When should we get out of here?"
Paul appeared at the table, dripping water and shaking his head to get Kyle and me wet. "You two need to stop the top secret meeting and get your asses in the pool."
"Just a minute," I replied.
"Dude, I'm gonna pick your ass up and throw you in if you don't take your clothes off right-fucking-now." He snapped the waistband of his swimming trunks then slapped his hand against his stomach.
Since Tyler had loaned Paul his extra pair of shorts the rest of us were forced to swim in our underwear.
"I'm serious, guys. Come on," Paul pleaded.
Kyle jumped up from his seat and carried Paul to the pool, throwing him in. Then he and I got undressed and joined them.
It was about nine o'clock when Kyle and I left Tyler's house. Kyle had decided that he would follow me to my house and we would talk outside. He pulled into the driveway behind me and got out of his car. We sat in the grass of the back yard, away from the patio and pool area.
Just as I was about to talk Kyle stopped me by placing his hand over my mouth. "I want to say something first. And I just want you to listen and not say anything until I'm done. Okay?"
I nodded. "Fine."
"Well, I hope that you can listen to me without interrupting. You might become angry with me. I hope not. But maybe," he shrugged.
"Go ahead," I encouraged.
He tilted his head back and took a deep breath. "I haven't been completely honest with you, Marcus."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Hey," he smiled. "No talking until I'm done, remember?"
I nodded in agreement without saying a word.
"Okay... on Sunday I told you that I had never thought about having sex with another guy before. Well, I lied. I've thought about it several times, actually. And it was always you that I thought about."
Of course, I wanted to begin talking, but I had promised that I wouldn't so I kind of widened my eyes and motioned for him to continue speaking. However, I knew it was going to be difficult to force myself to bite my tongue.
"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you when you asked me. I didn't know how you would feel about it. And I didn't want to make you angry or disgusted or disappointed with me. I just thought that it was what you wanted to hear from me so I said it to make you happy." He paused for a few seconds. "Well, that doesn't sound right. I--I just didn't want to get a negative reaction from you so I said it to keep everything calm at that particular moment because you were already freaking out about your mother."
As I looked into Kyle's eyes I couldn't help but smile a little.
"I also think that I was trying to buy some extra time to evaluate what my true feelings for you are. But it wasn't necessary because I already knew how I felt about you. I love you, Marcus. With every bone in my body, I love you so much. It was confusing for me to have those thoughts in my head - - in my heart. I tried to ignore them and make them not true. But there was nothing I could do to fight my feelings for you."
I continued to look Kyle directly in the eye as I lifted my thumb to my mouth and lightly bit the nail. It was a habit I developed whenever I was nervous or contemplating something of a serious nature. I always exhibited my nerves by biting my thumbnail or lifting my shirt and lightly scratching my stomach.
Kyle placed his right hand on my knee and lowered his head. When he finally looked up at me again I thought I noticed a tear in his eye. "I don't want you to hate me."
The only time that Kyle had cried was when his grandmother died when we were ten years old. The tear in his eye quickly captured my attention and concern. "I don't hate you," I responded.
"I'm not done," he said. "This morning when you saw me and Ashley at school you said you thought we were arguing. We were. I told you that we weren't because I thought you might become suspicious since I hadn't said anything to you about she and I having any problems. And for the most part, we haven't had any problems. Until this past weekend."
Kyle ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "After I spent the night with you I knew that I couldn't keep stringing Ashley along when I knew that I had feelings for you. So I told her that we needed to take a break and spend time apart."
I touched his hand and rubbed my fingers along his wrist.
"So, basically, Ashley and I broke up. We're not a couple anymore until we decide to get back together. Or not." Kyle took another deep breath and ran his hands across his face as he exhaled. "I don't think that I'm gay. Well, I certainly don't consider myself to be homosexual. But, if I could have what I truly wanted in my life it would be you. To be with you. And I guess that would make me gay even though I don't think I'll ever have feelings for another guy. I don't know how to explain it. Only - - um, if I could be with you - - I would be gay for you if I knew that it meant that you were mine and I was yours."
Kyle stopped talking and I could see that he was clenching his teeth together, forcing his cheeks to dance their own subtle bit of choreography. Although he was looking into my eyes it was almost as if he was scared to look directly at me.
"You're done speaking now?" I asked with a smile.
He lowered his head and started to tear some of the grass from the ground.
"Good," I replied as I reached for his chin. I lifted his face so that he was looking right at me. "I don't hate you, Kyle. I love you," I said as I leaned in to kiss him on the lips.
"I'm confused and scared, too." I said. "I've had all these thoughts racing through my mind and driving me crazy since Saturday night."
He nodded his head in agreement. "That makes two of us."
"I've been trying to figure out if I'm straight or bi or gay. It seems like I don't even know anymore." I paused and bit my thumbnail. "I couldn't figure out if we were just experimenting or actually expressing our love for each other. But when I think about when you and I had sex, it makes me happy.
It puts a smile on my face."
I placed my hands on the side of his face and pulled him closer to me. We spent a couple minutes looking into each other's eyes. Almost in a hushed tone I continued to talk. "This is all new to me, too. I know you're nervous and scared. Like me. But something deep inside me just won't let these feelings I have for you pass. I guess they've always been there. I just wasn't aware of them. But it feels like I've always known... but I didn't know."
The moonlight made Kyle's blue eyes sparkle.
"We've been best friends for so long, Kyle. Nobody knows me like you do.
There isn't anyone who understands better than you do. And I suppose that being in a relationship with your best friend can only be a good thing, right?"
I positioned myself so that my legs were open and resting at his sides, while his legs were between mine. I reached over and held his hand. "You know what I mean, don't you?"
He nodded. Then he kissed me again. Soon he had his arms around my neck. I pulled away and began to stand up, pulling him with me. I grabbed his hand and led him to the bathroom off the pool. I closed the door behind us and pushed him against the wall, kissing him passionately, as if I had never kissed anyone before.
The bright shine that seemed to have diminished from his eyes had fully returned. "I love you, Marcus."
"I love you, too," I replied as I pulled off his tank top and started to unbutton his jeans. "I do."
Kyle began to moan as we continued to kiss. Our breathing was becoming more intense.
"Fuck me," he said. "I want you fuck me, Marcus."
We pulled each other down to the floor and continued to get undressed as we kissed. Kyle pulled me on top of him. "I want you now," he moaned.
My cock was probably the hardest it had ever been. It felt like it was about to split in two. I placed it against Kyle's ass and leaned down to suck on his nipples. He cupped the back of my head and ran his other hand up and down my back, occasionally pulling me against him with more aggression.
I licked Kyle's neck and lightly bit his shoulder as I pushed the head of my cock into his ass. "Oh, my God," I groaned. "You feel so good and tight." I continued to bite his shoulder and neck as I thrust in and out of him with more force. I wanted to be loving and passionate about it, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to fuck him hard. And I noticed that I was biting him harder and more often.
There wasn't much room on the floor of the bathroom. It was basically a changing room off the pool that my parents had installed a sink and toilet in.
Kyle and I were cramped on the floor with very little room to move around. His head was against the base of the sink while my feet were pushed up against the bottom of the toilet. I tried to maneuver my legs around it but it didn't work out so well. Plus it didn't help matters that we were on hard stone tile flooring.
I had Kyle's legs pushed up to his chest, holding myself up by resting the palm of my hands on the floor for support.
"You feel so good, Marcus," he grunted. "Fuck me harder."
I did as instructed and pounded him with all my might. Sweat was dripping off my face and landing on Kyle's chest. Due to the tight quarters we weren't able to kiss much without it somehow making it more difficult to have sex. Yet, I wasn't really concerned with the complexity of the situation. I only wanted to keep fucking Kyle as hard as I could.
About twenty minutes later Kyle started stroking his dick. Within a matter of minutes he moaned," Oh, man. I'm gonna cum."
True to his word, Kyle pumped his cock as he shot load after load of cum onto his stomach. I arched my body and tilted my head back to get the sweat out of my eyes. Just as Kyle started to play with my nipples I felt my balls tighten up as I felt myself begin to ejaculate. I moaned loudly as I pulled my cock out of Kyle and started to cum on Kyle's chest and stomach. "Oh, shit!" I exclaimed. It was the most intense orgasm of my life.
I placed my cock against Kyle's ass and gently pushed it inside of him. For a few minutes I thrust my cock into Kyle's ass in a very slow and drawn out manner. Then I stopped and leaned down to kiss him long and hard. When I finally pulled away I looked into Kyle's eyes.
We continued to gaze into each other's eyes until we both started to laugh.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
Kyle stopped laughing. "I'm great. But the back of my head is starting to hurt like a mother fucker."
I laughed again. "I'm sorry," I said as I pulled myself off of his body.
I grabbed his hand to assist in helping him to a more comfortable position. "If it's any consolation, my knees hurt like hell."
We both started laughing again as we stood up. My legs felt weak and I had to push all my weight into each foot to return all the feeling to my legs in order to walk normally.
"Why didn't your parents put a shower in here?"
"Are you kidding! There's no room," I laughed.
"Yeah, how stupid of me," Kyle smiled.
"You could try to sneak out and use the shower by the pool," I suggested.
"Think I should?"
"If you want to," I replied, secretly hoping that he really wouldn't attempt to shower where any member of my family could possibly see him. Then I waved my finger at him.
Kyle contemplated the idea for a moment then shook his head. "You're right. I'll run upstairs and shower when I get home."
I walked Kyle to his car. He started the engine and said good night.
I reached into the open window and grabbed his hand. I squeezed it lightly. "I love you, Kyle. I really do. I hope you know that."
"Yes," he beamed. "I know. And I love you, too."
"Be careful on the way home," I cautioned. "I would feel sorry for the cop that pulled over an eighteen year old guy that smells of cum and sweat."
"No doubt," he replied as he began to reverse out of the driveway. As his car neared the curb he abruptly stopped.
I walked up to his car and rested my arms on the roof. "What?"
"What are you going to say to your mother?"
"The truth," I answered. "I'll tell you about it tomorrow."
Kyle smiled. "Good night. And good luck."
"Thanks," I replied as I waved and began to walk toward my house.
If anyone could have seen me at the particular moment they would have seen a very happy guy. I was smiling from ear to ear. I almost believed that I could simply float above ground and glide right to the kitchen door.