No words were shared as Montana watched me swallow his seed. He looked at me bewilderedly as I tried to calm my nerves and suppress my own need to be filled by him. I moved off of him slowly and stood up. Montana quickly fixed his clothes--hastily buttoning up his pants as if something were wrong. He was on his feet as quickly as his body and the fever would let him, and brushed past me to check on his horse.
"These horses need water." His voice was cold.
"There's a pond not far from here. You might feel better if you washed up."
He nodded, but didn't say anything. He stood facing away from me, patting his horse on the neck. I could feel him pulling away from me again. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I couldn't lose him now. I had to be with him always.
" `Tanna...talk to me, please."
"I don't know what we're doing, Lucky. I don't know...it's wrong. This is what a man and a woman do when they marry. It's wrong, and I don't know why I..." His voice was caught in his throat and he looked at me.
"What is it?" I could feel my stomach in my throat and wasn't sure if I was going to heave.
"I love you." He answered quickly.
I didn't know what to say. I stood there like an idiot with no voice left, or brain left to think of something appropriate. Montana turned away again and stared at his feet.
"Where's the water? I need to get clean."
"Okay," I answered and walked towards the pond with Montana following a distance behind with the horses. It was a long walk in silence.
When we reached the pond, Montana immediately began to take his clothes off. I watched him wince in pain from the movement, and wanted to help, but decided not to offer. It would probably only start a fight and there wasn't enough time. Montana had an itch to get moving, so I got the horses saddled and gathered, and took them to the pond. After they found a good spot to get their much-needed drink, I went back to wait for Montana.
He managed to undress without any help. His shoulder looked painful, to say the least. The bullet hole was scabbed over and the area around it was an angry mess of purple, red, and blue. I watched as he walked cautiously to the water. He moaned appreciatively as he waded out into the pond. I imagined the water was a relief to his battered body. I stood in my place and admired the view from afar. Even bruised and injured, Montana's body was a sight to behold.
"Is there still soap in my saddle bag?" Montana's voice broke through my trance.
I could feel my face redden as I realized I was caught staring, and quickly turned towards the horses to search for soap. I could hear Montana moving in the pond as my search ended, and I did indeed find a bar of soap at the bottom of Montana's bag. If I were smarter, I would've searched earlier for my own bath. Unfortunately, I don't think about things like that.
I brought the soap with me as I headed towards where Montana was bathing. I stopped in my tracks. The sight of him was making my heart beat faster. I knew that things seemed tense between us, and we were short of time, but I didn't care. I stripped off what little I had on, and made my way to Montana with the bar of soap. As he splashed water on his face with his good hand, I wet the soap and brought it up to his back and shoulders, and began to lather his skin. He sighed in appreciation as I used one hand to rub and knead the tight muscles. I passed the bar of soap to Montana, and gazed in wonder as he slid the soap over the taut frame of his chest, down the defined plains of his stomach, until both his hand and the soap were beneath the water to the treasure I could only vision in my mind.
I began to carefully massage his shoulders. Montana seemed to completely relax into me, and my tumescent arousal slid against the warm crevice of his buttocks. It was completely by accident; one I wasn't sure would be welcomed by Montana, but he didn't pull away from me. In fact, Montana leaned into me even more--my cock sliding against him harder.
"How's your shoulder?" I began speaking in a feeble attempt to take my mind off of our extremely arousing position.
"Smarts," Montana grunted as I continued moving my hips back and forth--my cock rubbing up and down the crack of his ass.
We were completely relaxed against each other. The only thing labored was our breathing. My arms wrapped around him. My hands couldn't get enough of his beautiful chest. I gently laid my head on his good shoulder and peered down Montana's front--watching in wonder as his hands remained underneath the water, thoroughly exploring himself before my unbelieving eyes.
"I love you." Montana said it again and I closed my eyes to keep my emotions in.
"Is it the same?"
"The same as what?" Montana was puzzled.
"You said you were in love once. Remember? You told me you were in love once. We were headed for the trees. Is this the same as when you were in love with her?"
Montana took a deep breath before answering. He was choking on his words. "There was no her, Lucky. There was only you. There was only ever you."
The reality of what he was saying finally struck me and I let go. Could it be true? Montana shuffled forward and away from me. I heard his sobs racking him and I couldn't believe what was happening. Montana didn't cry. Montana was as tough as nails, and didn't give a shit about anybody. He loved me? And then I remembered his reactions when I would flirt with girls. I remembered how much he hated Mary-Anne, especially when he busted in the room and realized we slept together. I remembered the look on his face, and then him taking the heat for me over Mary-Anne's husband.
"When?" Was all I could get out of my mouth.
"I saw you looking at my horse. I knew you were up to no good but I couldn't help myself."
"That was a long time ago, Montana. I was just a kid."
"You still are." He said quietly and brushed away his tears. "I just wanted you with me. It didn't matter if you wanted me or not. I tried not to feel this way. I tried, but I can't change it now. Nobody can...not even you."
I couldn't help myself. He was as vulnerable and afraid as I was. I walked over to him and wrapped him in my arms. My face was buried in his neck--my breath hot where my mouth was. I felt Montana move his arms around me, even though it hurt him to do so. Our cocks were hard again and rubbing against the other.
"I love you, too. I really do and I don't care if it's wrong or right. I can't help it. I love you."
We stood there holding on to each other in the pond before Kabaya started puffing out his nose; bringing us back to reality. The moment was broken, and Montana slowly and carefully unwrapped his arms from around me. He kissed my head softly, and took my hand in his and led me back to solid ground. We dressed in silence, never taking our eyes off of one another, and inside my heart was full of dread. I knew we weren't going to make it out of this, and I could tell by the look in Montana's eyes--fever or no fever--that he felt the same. There was nowhere in this world for the two of us. We would always be hiding. We would always be running. We would never be together again after this.
"What's gonna happen to us?" I asked him as we headed back out on our horses.
I needed him to tell me it was going to be okay. I needed him to tell me we were going to live happily ever after. I needed his comfort. I needed his reassurance. I needed a sign--anything, but it wasn't the sign or answer that I wanted when he answered solemnly,
"I don't know, Lucky. I don't know."