I'm sitting in Michael's living room sipping on some hot cocoa as Michael tries to soothe me with his hand lightly rubbing up and down my back.
"Calm down Lucas and tell me what happened." He puts his arm around me. "Come on, just tell me. It's okay." His voice is so sweet and tender and for a moment I wish that I loved him instead of Lionel. Things would be so easy with Michael. He knows how to take care of me, and I know he would never intentionally hurt me. He's not like Lionel.
I feel my eyes begin to water. "I can't tell you. It's horrible! It's just horrible. I don't want to tell you."
"You need to tell me." I sit in silence, so he continues. "I'm not trying to push you, but I need to know what happened so I can help you. You can stay here as long as you want, and I won't judge you, no matter what you tell me. Now, tell me what happened or I'll ask Lionel." Hearing Lionel's name makes me look over at Michael. I watch his other hand as it reaches across his body before he places his fingers under my chin. "Please tell me."
"I can't."
He slowly grabs the cup out of my hand and puts it on the table. "Yes, you can." He leans back on the sofa and pulls me back with him. I rest my head on his chest. I listen to his heartbeat and allow the rhythm to calm me even more. I want to tell him everything and before I know it my mouth opens and the run-in with Taniqua comes out. "Wow. What did Lionel say when you asked him about it?"
"Well, let me tell you the rest of the story." I begin telling him everything that happened.
A few minutes after Niqua left, I was in my bed crying
like a little bitch. I heard the door open and Lionel walked
in. He knew something was wrong right away.
He asked me, "What's wrong?"
"Taniqua stopped by." He suddenly looked sick.
"What did she say?"
"She told me." I stated simply.
"She told you?"
"Yes, she told me everything." I sat up in the bed.
"Everything?"
My frustration got the best of me. "Is there a fucking echo in here?"
He opened his mouth to say something but he closed it before any words came out. We stared at each other in silence. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "I should have told you."
"Why did you lead me on? You knew you didn't want me! How could you do this to me again?" I wished the tears would stop, but they kept falling.
"Is that what you think?" He rushed over to my bed and tried to put his arm around me. I pushed him away. "I'm not leading you on, I do want you. You should know that."
"So you want both of us?"
"No! I don't want Niqua. I want you and she knows that. That's why she came over here and told you that shit. She knew I was waiting to tell you because I was scared." He gave a small chuckle. "That bitch has been playing me this whole time. I thought we were friends, but she was fucking playing me."
I felt a little relief to hear that they weren't together, but then I thought about their poor baby being born to a single mother. "What about the baby?"
"What baby?"
"Taniqua told me she was pregnant."
"That's what she told you? That bitch aint pregnant! She told me she was three weeks ago, but she's not."
I relaxed some when I heard him say that. I couldn't believe Taniqua had told such lies, but for some reason, I wasn't surprised. I let him put his arms around me, and I relaxed in his embrace before my mind trapped some of the words that were replaying in my head. I pulled away from him. "What were you waiting to tell me then?"
"Huh?"
"You said you were waiting to tell me something because you were scared. I need to know what it is."
"I don't know how to tell you. Wait a second." He stood up and walked over to his dresser. He dug in the top drawer and took out a prescription bottle. He walked over to me and handed me an empty bottle. I saw his name on it. I saw `to be taken twice
daily.' I saw a doctor's name, and I saw the drug's
name. "Doxycycline? What's this for?" I asked.
"Chlamydia."
"What?"
"I have, no, I had Chlamydia. Taniqua gave it to me. We went to the doctor three weeks ago because she told me she was pregnant, and she wasn't, but she did have Chlamydia. She was going to the doctor to get some tests and make sure she was clean." He gave a nervous laugh. "That manipulative bitch. She knew she wasn't pregnant."
I couldn't say anything to him. I wanted to, but I couldn't. My mind was running in fifty different directions. `If he had Chlamydia, does that mean I have it too? We didn't use protection. Can that kill me? Why wouldn't he tell me when he first found out? I wouldn't have been mad. I would have gone to get tested. Why did he hide this from me? Can you get it from anal sex?' My last thought sailed away from my lips. "Can you get it from anal sex?"
"Yes, and you probably have it. I had it and I didn't know until I got tested. They call it a silent disease or some shit like that because a lot of people don't have symptoms. I'm sorry, but I didn't know how to tell you."
"Am I going to die?"
"No, you just need to get tested and if you have it you'll get a prescription and it will go away. So don't worry, you won't die."
"Good because I'm going to kill you!" I hissed as I lunged at him. I started swinging my fists wildly and was surprised to find that he was pretty good at dodging blows. "Stop moving!" I yelled at him. I saw this look in his eyes that I had never seen before and he stopped moving just in time for me to connect with his jaw. I hadn't hit him that hard, but it did turn his head a little. He looked at me as he rubbed his cheek. I think we were both in shock. His eyes told me that I shouldn't have done that. They screamed at me that I had hurt him in a way I would never understand, but I was pleased with what I saw. I wanted to hurt him. He didn't love me, he couldn't love me.
"I'm sorry," he said before he ripped his eyes away from mine. He was too late though because I had already seen his tears forming. He kicked off his shoes, got in his bed and faced the wall. I watched him shake a little as he cried. I wanted to hold him and tell him it was okay, but it wasn't. He lied to me, he schemed behind my back. He didn't tell me he had an STD. How could he do this to me?
I grabbed my bag and started packing it because I knew I couldn't live with him anymore. As I was packing, I thought about all the moments over the last three weeks that had led up to this point. I no longer wondered why he didn't want to have sex with me. I threw enough clothes in my bag to last a week and I looked over at Lionel. Lionel had turned around in the bed and he was staring at me. I felt guilty for leaving him like this because he almost looked like he might need me. I caught a glimpse of something hiding behind his eyes and it tugged at my heart strings, but I still grabbed my bag of clothes and some books and walked out the door. I was surprised when he didn't say anything as I left.
My eyes are dry by the time I finish telling Michael what happened. He pulls me closer to him and I know that I am a blubbering mess, but I accept his invite. He places a gentle kiss on the top of my head.
"Is that everything Sweetie?" he asks as his hand starts rubbing my arm.
"Yes."
"Well that's not so bad then, now is it?"
"I guess not."
"I was expecting this grand story of how you caught him cheating on you with Taniqua, but now I find out that you're cheating yourself."
"What?"
"You heard me, you're cheating yourself. You move out because he doesn't tell you he has an STD, but you stay when he assaults you with a basketball? At least I can sort of understand the STD thing. It's definitely hard to tell someone you care about that you may have infected them with anything other than love. You're not innocent in this either, you should have used a condom, but you let it carryon without one. You could have HIV right now instead of Chlamydia. You should both be counting your blessings."
"That's not exactly what I wanted to hear," I tell him in my best childish voice.
"I know, but we're closer than lies so I'm telling you the truth. It's not like I told you that dress didn't make you look fat."
"What the hell are you talking about? I've never worn a dress before in my life."
"It's an expression. I mean I'm not going to tell you something just because it makes you feel better, because that's not fair to you, and as far as the dress thing, well, there's a first time for everything." I turned in just enough time to catch the smirk on his face. He really was cute, but my eyes were for Lionel, and Lionel alone. "Call him."
"Who?"
"Stop asking questions and just do it. You need to talk to him."
"But I don't want to talk to him. I just want to go to sleep. Now shut up and let me rest."
Michael stole his arm away from my body and he pulled away from me. "You need to call him and talk to him. I'm not a big Lionel fan, and we both know that, but this seems like something the two of you can work out. You said he's been wonderful lately, well, until this point, and the look you get in your eyes when I
say his name tells me that you still love him, so call
him." "What would I say to him?"
"Start with sorry for hitting you and then go from
there." "May I still stay here tonight?"
"Of course you can. Now I'm going to my bedroom to give you some privacy. Try to be a little understanding, but don't be too gentle, because he did lie to you." He walked away towards his room and a few seconds later, I heard his door close.
I pulled out my cell and called my dorm room. There was no answer. I called Lionel's cell and there was no answer there either. I felt a sense of relief that I had a small reprieve from talking to him. I sat on the sofa trying to think about what Michael told me. Was I wrong to be so upset? I didn't feel like I was, but if Michael thought I was overreacting, he was probably right. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Michael, someone's here." I yelled as I got up and walked towards Michael's bedroom door. He opened the door and looked at me.
"Did you talk to Lionel?"
"No, he wouldn't answer."
"Alright, I'll send whoever it is away so we can talk, okay?"
"Okay."
I went and sat back down on the sofa as Michael opened the door. "What are you doing here?" he asked the person on the other side. I could make out the sound of whispering. I heard Michael say, "Well, I guess you can come in for a few minutes." Then he whispered something else.
I sat on the sofa staring blankly at the television and wondering what Michael and his company were going to do. Michael stepped back inside the room and the person at the door walked in. It was Lionel, carrying a bouquet of roses. I looked in his eyes and there was that look again. I swear he had the saddest eyes I have ever seen.
c Lustyville 2006 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my yahoo group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville.