I didn't have to tell Henry the Lionel story because Michael beat me to it. I woke up the morning after I went to dinner with Lionel, and Michael and Henry were in the living room chatting away.
I was still groggy when I walked out to see them. "What are you guys gossiping about?" I asked.
Henry looked disappointed. "I can't believe you went to dinner with Lionel. I thought we agreed that you wouldn't talk directly to him."
"He walked up on me when I went outside and"
"So he's stalking you now?"
"He wasn't stalking me. He knew I was here and he wanted to talk to me so he stood outside and waited for me."
"Was he going to stand outside all day?"
"I don't know. He sure as hell wasn't going to knock on the door." I felt like they were attacking me.
"Don't look at me like that." Michael said.
"Like what?" I asked. My mind went to Lionel.
"Like it's my fault. I don't like him and he's not welcome here."
"Why are you guys trying to control my life? I can make my own decisions."
Michael spoke, "Nobody said you couldn't."
"Michael, didn't we have this argument last night?"
"Yes and you still don't get it."
I sighed. "I'm going back to bed." I turned and walked back to the bedroom.
"Come back and talk to me," Henry said.
"I'll talk to you later." I shut the bedroom door and laid down on the floor next to Troy.
"What's going on?" Troy asked as he put his arm around me.
"Michael and Henry were attacking me about going to dinner with Lionel. They think I shouldn't see him at all."
"Yeah, I think Michael made that clear last night."
I laughed picturing Michael's hysterics from the night before. "Yeah, he did." Troy pushed his sleeping bag open and I cuddled up next to him. He kissed my neck and rubbed my arm as I fell asleep.
Henry woke me up a little while later and talked to me about seeing Lionel. He wasn't as judgmental as Michael, but I could tell he was far from pleased. He wanted me to be careful and he asked a lot of questions. Troy interrupted a few times and shared his opinion but he tried to stay out of it.
Over the rest of the week, I tried to figure out why I couldn't just be with Troy and be happy. My mind knew I should but my heart was still confused.
Michael and I attempted to talk about Lionel one more time. Michael said I was crazy to still love Lionel. I tried to explain to him that I would always love Lionel but that didn't mean I was dumb enough to go back with him. There was a lot of shouting. Michael and I decided not to talk about Lionel again because we weren't able to have a civil discussion when Lionel was concerned.
Troy moved out of the apartment after his week of servitude. He didn't want to go but Michael left him no other choice. I was sad to see Troy leave but I have to admit that I was relieved to have the constant bickering end. Living with Troy and Michael was stressful and I had enough things on my plate without adding them to the mix.
Troy came to Michael's apartment early Monday morning so he could walk me to campus. He and Michael had an argument about who should walk me and I had to let them know that both of them could walk with me at the same time.
I felt strange when we reached campus. "Am I imagining that everyone is staring at me?" I asked Michael.
"Yes. No one is looking at you."
"Yeah, you're not that popular," Troy joked.
I flashed a smile and kept walking even though my stomach was filled with butterflies. I hadn't set foot on campus since I fell down the stairs. A few guys from the basketball team saw us and came over to speak to me and tell me that they were looking forward to me coming back next season. One of the guys told me they were giving Lionel a hard time because of what he had done to me and I wondered why Troy hadn't mentioned anything.
I couldn't stop the feeling of sadness I had for Lionel. "Don't be too hard on him," I blurted out. Everyone looked confused. "He didn't mean to hurt me."
Michael threw his arms in the air, sighed loudly and walked away. "What's wrong with him?" asked one of the guys.
"He and I see the situation differently."
"Oh."
"Lucas needs to get to class so he'll have to give you the play by play later," Troy said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me away from the guys. We reached the building of my first class and I stopped. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. It's just. Well. You don't have to walk me to the door. I'm a big boy. I think I can handle it from here."
He laughed. "I don't mind. In fact I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me. I want to make sure you make it to your class and I'm going to worry about it unless I see it for myself."
"Worry about what? Me running in to Lionel?" I smiled, but he didn't. "Oh my goodness, that's what you're worried about. What do you think Lionel is going to do to me?"
"It's not that. It's more about how you're going to react if you see him."
"You don't have to worry. I'll be fine if I see him. I've seen him before." I waved at him. "You can leave now." I took one step forward and then I heard someone calling our names. I turned around and saw James running in our direction. James stopped next to me.
He looked at Troy then back at me. "So what's going on with you two?"
"Nothing," Troy quickly replied. "We're just friends. I mean you know he's had a hard time with Lionel and I just"
"Troy I'm just fucking with you. I already know what's going on." I had to look at him closer when he said that because I could hear in his voice that he meant he knew for certain what was going on. "So how are you feeling Lucas? You all healed up?"
"For the most part."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. It's not easy to mend a broken heart."
"He didn't say that," Troy told him.
"He didn't have to." James put his hand on my shoulder. "I know we're not close, but you can always talk to me if you need to." He looked at Troy. "I'm good at keeping secrets. Ask Troy."
"Really?" I gave Troy a questioning look and Troy blushed.
"We'll have to talk to you later. Lucas doesn't want to be late for his class." Troy walked past James. "Come on Lucas."
I said, "Bye James."
He replied, "Call me."
Once inside the building, I asked, "Was he hitting on me?"
"No, he's straight."
"Are you sure?"
"He's my best friend. I think he would tell me."
"Oh, so what was all that about?"
"He knows how I feel about you and he's stupid, he thinks we should all be friends."
"That's not stupid."
Troy walked me to the door of my class. He handed me a small envelope. "I'm going to be in class when you get out so I can't pick you up, but here's my room key. I'm in room 211 in Hudson Hall. I wrote that on a sheet of paper in there in case you forget. James is my roommate. He might be there I'm not sure, but it doesn't matter because he knows you may stop by so it's not an issue."
"Thanks."
"One more thing."
"What?"
"Where are we meeting for lunch?"
We made arrangements for lunch and he left. I walked in the classroom and introduced myself to the professor who was surprised to see me.
"I heard about your ordeal young man." He shuffled some papers. "The work you've sent in has been excellent. You're doing better than most of the students who have been in class everyday."
"Really? I thought class participation was a big part of the grade?"
"I sent you extra work to make up for that and you've turned everything in and now you're here so I'm sure you'll be participating. I can't fathom a reason why you won't continue to excel in this class."
"I can. I have never studied as much as I did when I was in the hospital. It helped keep my mind off of where I was but now I'm having difficulty focusing on the work."
"Well whatever the case. I'm pleased to see you in class today and I hope you will continue to do well but if you feel you need some extra help, both of my teaching assistants have office hours. Now if you'll please take a seat, class will begin in a minute."
I took a seat in the front of the room. About halfway through class I got the feeling that I was being watched so I looked around. There was a preppy looking black guy a few rows back, staring at me. He didn't even look away when I caught him. I turned around and tried to listen to the professor but I was too busy going over scenarios about the mystery guy. I started to feel paranoid which caused me to stay in my seat at the end of class and wait for the guy to leave. I walked out the door and the guy was waiting for me.
"You're Lucas Donnelly aren't you?"
"Yes."
"Will you talk to me for a few minutes?"
"About what?"
He pushed open a door and walked in to an empty classroom. "Something important." He sat down at a desk and motioned for me to sit next to him.
I was afraid of what he knew, but I wanted to deal with it then and get it over with, so I sat down. "What have you heard about me?" I asked.
"I hear you're a wonderful person and you've been hurt by someone you trusted."
"Does everyone know?"
"I don't think so. Jay told me."
"Lionel?"
"Oh, I forgot you called him that. He said he treated you like shit but he only did it because he loved you so much. You have to understand that he didn't know any better. He had a rough childhood and nobody ever showed him how to love. I mean he knows what he did was wrong and he is so sorry and he's miserable without you. I know I'm stepping out of line but would you please just call him. That's all I'm asking for: call him. You don't have to talk to him or anything, just say hi. He's in real bad shape and I'm scared for him. I can't watch him every minute of the day."
I stared at the guy trying to figure out who he was because I had never seen him with Lionel before. Something about him reminded me of Lionel though. They had similar facial features. His eyes and nose were shaped like Lionel's and his build was about the same. He was a few shades lighter than Lionel. "Who the hell are you?" I asked out loud.
"Oh I'm sorry. I should have told you. My name is Jayvon, but you can call be Von. I'm Lionel's brother."
"Lionel doesn't have a brother."
"Yes he does. Our mother raised me here and I didn't get to see Lionel much, but we talked on the phone every now and then and I knew about our father and his stepmother and you, Lucas Donnelly."
"Lionel would have told me if he had a brother."
"Look I don't know why he didn't tell you about me because he told me all about you. He didn't come here to come over to my house and have dinner with us and pretend to be a good family, or to spend the weekend with us or to get to know me better. He came here to be with you because he couldn't imagine his life without you in it. You were the only bright spot he had."
"What about Ronnie?" I didn't particularly care about his answer I only wanted to know if he really knew as much as he claimed to know about Lionel.
"Ronnie scared the hell out of him. He didn't know anything about being a father."
"So he abandoned him with a pervert?"
"It isn't like that."
"Well what is it like then?"
"Lionel did the best he could do given the situation and now he's trying to fix things. If you would talk to him, you would know that he is trying to get his son away from that woman and he's going to move him here to live with us."
"Lionel left his son with that woman, there's no excuse for that."
"Lionel was fucked up. He could barely take care of himself and you wanted him to take care of a child! My mother offered to help him out when I told her he was in counseling, but before that he didn't have anyone to depend on besides you."
"Where was your mother when that woman was molesting him? Or when his father was beating him?"
"What was she going to do? She couldn't afford another mouth to feed and she didn't want Lionel to go in to foster care. She would have taken both of us if she could have, but she couldn't, so she left Lionel behind. She knew our father would smack him around a little bit but I don't think she ever thought her own sister would abuse him."
"Her sister?"
"His stepmother."
`So that's why she could pass for Lionel's mother,' I thought. "But that makes her his"
"Yes, she's his aunt. My mother just thinks she hit him, she doesn't know about the other things her sister did to him and Lionel doesn't want her to know either."
I sat back and appraised his outfit. He didn't look like he was doing too badly. "You don't look like you're starving," I told him, "She should have taken Lionel too. How could she leave him?"
"Don't be fooled by the clothes, my mother and I were struggling until a few years ago. Now she finally has her shit together and she has a good job and I'm working too. I got an academic scholarship here so we don't have to worry about that and Lionel is working so we have three incomes at the house."
"Lionel lives with you?"
"Yes. My mother made him move in with us after he was assaulted."
"Assaulted?"
"A group of guys beat him up a few weeks ago. He wasn't seriously hurt or anything but I think it brought back memories because he showed up at our doorstep in pretty bad shape. My mother didn't want him to be alone after that."
"Did he file charges?"
"No. He thought he deserved it for how he treated you. He's been real messed up since what happened between you guys. I hadn't seen him smile again until you went to dinner with him last week. His therapist says he's making progress but I don't see it. He seems worse to me."
"I'm sorry he's unhappy but I can't help him."
"Just call him, please. Let him hear your voice."
"I'll think about it." A student walked in the room and sat down and that made me wonder what Jayvon was doing at my school. "How old are you anyway?"
"Same age as Lionel, we're twins."
"You don't look like twins."
"Well we're not identical."
That somehow made the story worse. "So you mean to tell me that your mother picked you over Lionel, left him with a monster of a father, knew about it, but left him there anyway, then allowed her sister to abuse him for years and screw with his head even more, and she didn't do anything about it, and now Lionel is living with you like you're all some big happy fucking family?"
"It's more complicated than that. Come with me to my house so I can show you something." Jayvon said.
"I have a class in ten minutes."
"Skip it. I'm missing a class right now. You need to see what I'm going to show you."
"Not today." I grabbed my books and ran out of the room trying to escape him. Things started to make sense. I remembered times when Lionel would be gone for the whole weekend to some mystery place he never spoke about and now I knew where he had been. No wonder Lionel was petrified of me leaving him. His real mother had abandoned him in that hell hole. When he told me the lady in his house was his stepmother, I just assumed his real mother had died and given the circumstances I think I would have preferred it if she had. Lionel's words the night he told me about his abuse played in my ear: Is that enough for you, or do you want to hear some more, because I've got more.
I never would have been able to guess he had so much more to tell. I just assumed the abuse was bad enough. My heart hurt thinking about how he must have felt as a child knowing that his twin brother had a life that could have easily been his and knowing that no one loved him enough to care about what happened to him, not even his own mother. I bumped in to someone at the building's entrance. Of course it had to be Lionel.
"Hey Lucas."
"Hey."
"Why are you running?"
"I met your brother."
"I meant to tell you about him."
"It doesn't matter. You and I are not together anymore so it's none of my business."
"We're still friends though, right?"
"If we were, you wouldn't have to keep asking. I don't know what we are." I couldn't look at him without wanting to pull him in to a hug and cry for his lost childhood so I took off. I walked down the path and ignored Lionel calling after me. I saw Troy a few students ahead talking to James. I ran and tapped him on the shoulder.
"What's up? How was your class?" he asked.
"It was good until the end."
"What happened?"
"I met Lionel's brother."
"Oh, you met Jayvon?"
"You knew about him?"
"Everybody does. He just enrolled this semester."
James added, "He was the person who came to tell us that Lionel had been attacked."
"You knew about that too!" I yelled at Troy.
He scowled at James and then said, "Yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think you needed to know."
"You're just like Michael and Henry!" I tried to contain my anger. "I'm going to class."
"But you don't have class right now."
"Thanks for memorizing my schedule!" Everyone was trying to control me, including Troy and that pissed me off. I was more than capable of making my own decisions and taking care of myself. I didn't need them to try to protect me or decide what I did and didn't need to know.
"I just"
"Save it!" I rushed off in a huff and went to the one place on campus where I felt safest: my old room. I walked in the room and found it completely barren. I hadn't given up my room assignment yet and it appeared neither had Lionel because no one had moved in. I closed the door and dropped to the floor so I could get out a good cry, but my cry was interrupted by a knock. I wiped my face and opened the door. Lionel was standing there.
"I followed you," he said before he stepped in the room, shut the door and locked it.
Copyright Lustyville 2007 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my other stories at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville