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Love's Letter Lost
Andrew Mackey had suffered a bitch of a day, especially since it was a Monday. He wouldn't be going to his favorite bar and socializing with friends until Friday evening. It was that way every day, week after week. At thirty-two, he had not risen above the position of accounts payable clerk in a large tool manufacturing factory. Even if he should ever aspire to become head of the department, there were at least two clerks ahead of him.
His work space was a small cubicle. Before 5 PM every day, claustrophobia began to close in on him. He wanted to run outside to the open air, but he had to tough it out until the bell rang. Just like high school, he thought. There was nobody special in his life. He had lost his Mr. Special years ago in a classic case of pride and prejudice.
It was not always this way. There had been a time when his life was not mundane. He was young and excited for the future. He had just graduated from high school, and had landed his present position. Andrew, and his best pal, Kevin Brady, were lovers, and they were looking forward to getting their own apartment, and to be free to make love all the time, instead of at stolen moments.
They had started like all boys do, when they were ten years old. They masturbated together, then did each other, tasted the other's semen, tasted each other's cocks, and finally, they fucked each other. By the time they were sophomores in high school, they were full-fledged practicing homosexuals.
About a month after graduation, Kevin was still unemployed. Nevertheless, Andrew kept badgering him to look for an apartment together. Kevin kept skirting the issue, until finally, he dropped his bombshell.
"I've got something to tell you," he said one evening after they had just shot their loads. Kevin's cock was barely out of Andrew's mouth. "I'm not content with our lives," he continued. "I want more. Andy, I've applied to several colleges, and I've been accepted to UCLA on a partial scholarship. I'm moving to California, and I hope you'll move with me. You can easily get a job like yours in L.A. I'm certain."
Andrew's stomach turned sour. He could feel the bile filling it up. "I can't make a decision like this in a minute," he said. "Moving away from home, away from my family and all our friends, is a big deal. Give me a day or two to consider all the pros and cons. Right now the only pro is being with you. Still, I want time to weigh my options. When are you leaving?" he asked.
"In two weeks," Kevin said.
He was clearly disappointed that Andrew didn't say yes immediately. Didn't Andrew love him as much as he loved Andrew? He could only wonder.
"It won't take me long," Andrew said. "Let me think about it. I'll give you an answer tomorrow. Meet me at the pool hall at 6 PM."
"I've thought about it a lot," Andrew told Kevin the next evening. He put down his cue stick, and faced his lover. "I can't go with you."
"Why not?"
"My life is here in New York. I don't want to live in La La Land. But more importantly, you'll be a college graduate, and I'll be a lowly clerk. You would be ashamed of me. That's a situation that could change our minds about each other in a very short time. If I'm going to lose you, let me lose you now, rather than after I move out west."
"I swear you'll never lose me over something so petty."
"Listen," Andrew said. "This is what I want you to do. I'll stay here and lead the life I've always led, even if it's without you. You go to California, start college, and hobnob with your ritzy college buddies. Exactly one year from today, contact me. Let me know if you still want me to go out west, and I'll give you my final answer."
"You're not being fair," Kevin cried. "Just because I want to go to college, it shouldn't stand in the way of how we feel about each other."
"You say that now, but I feel certain that this situation could cause you to be ashamed of me, and drive a wedge between us. I'm certain that someday you'll feel that way too. Please, do as I ask."
Kevin nodded his head like it weighed a ton. They both went home immediately, and had no contact with each other. After a year, when Andrew expected to hear from Kevin, he didn't, and he took that as a no. So Kevin is ashamed of me after all, he thought.
Looking back on it after all these years, Kevin had a right to be.
Andrew had not risen beyond the position of clerk. He wondered what Kevin did for a living.
The apartment house Andrew lived in was one small step above a tenement. The entire building smelled of pot. Slovenly neighbors passed each other in the hall on the way in or out of their apartments, and nobody spoke to one another. Andrew never left his apartment except to go to work, or to his favorite gay bar on Friday and Saturday evenings.
That dismal Monday, he picked up his mail in the lobby bank of mail boxes, and retreated to his safe haven as quickly as possible. One of the pieces of mail was a plastic bag, which Andrew assumed was an advertisement. He figured he would throw it out as soon as he got upstairs.
It's fortunate that he looked before he discarded the plastic envelope. Inside he saw a letter. It was in very bad shape, tattered and even torn. He pulled it out of the plastic, and his whole body began to shake. The return address was relatively unmarred, and he could tell that the sender was his one true love, Kevin Brady.
Kevin refrained from contacting Andrew for one full year, as he had promised. He did everything that was asked of him, like hobnobbing with his (not so) ritzy co-students. When the year was up, he wrote Andrew a long letter. He worked on it for a week to get it just right, and then he mailed it.
In a downtown Manhattan post office, one of the postal employees was at a sorting machine, making sure it didn't malfunction. All of a sudden, the machine ground to a halt. The postal worker ran over and saw that a letter had jammed. He removed the crumpled, slightly torn letter, very carefully. Unfortunately, it slipped out of his hand and fell behind the sorter. The machine weighed a ton, and could not be moved. There was no way, he could get the letter. The only thing he could do was to forget about it and get the machine working again.
Over the years the sorting machine had become obsolete, and the postal service replaced it with technological state of the art machinery. When the old sorter was removed, one of the workers saw a beat up old letter on the floor. He picked it up, wiped off the dust, and was pleased to see that in spite of the condition of the envelope, the address of both the sender and the recipient were legible. He placed it in a special plastic bag that the post office used for such events. The addressee was clearly visible through the plastic bag, so he put it in the mail pouch of the letter carrier going to Andrew's building.
Andrew's hand was shaking, but he managed to slit open the envelope with a steak knife. He cautiously removed the letter. It was fragile and damaged, so he got out some scotch tape and repaired the damages as best he could. The letter was dated exactly one year after the date when Kevin left for Los Angeles. Then Andrew read:
My dearest Andy:
I did as you asked, and waited a full year to write to you. I was unhappy about that at first, but now I'm glad we did wait. You see, it gave me a chance to study our situation, and the effect it would have on you. It gave me a chance to address whatever "cons" you may have put on that list of yours.
As you requested, I hobnobbed with some of my fellow students. I could have had sex with some of them, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I love you too much. They were sympathetic to our enigma, and even made suggestions on how to resolve the dilemma. Although, I never took any of their suggestions, they meant well, and I am grateful for their friendships. None of them are ritzy. They are all down to earth guys.
In case you didn't know, I'm majoring in finance. As part of my scholarship requirements, I have to work twenty hours a week for the university. Because of my major, they assigned me to the business office, and that's where it becomes interesting. From the get-go the manager of the department, Mr. Forman, was not pleased to have me. He told me that he hated to have students assigned to him, because they came and went, and that did not make for efficiency.
After a couple of weeks he dropped his attitude about having students work for him. We became quite friendly, and I told him about you. He said that if you moved to L.A. you should come and see him. He said he would be glad to train you for a position in the business office if you can promise him longevity. He's afraid that we'll go back to New York when I graduate. I assured him that would never happen. I have fallen in love with California, honey. I never want to leave. Another perk is that if you work for the university, you can take college courses at a huge discount in the cost of tuition. You can even earn a degree someday.
I promise you, you'll love it here. The climate is mild and inviting, and life is so much more laid back. It beats the stresses of New York by a country mile. I just leased a two-bedroom, furnished apartment for my remaining college years, so we even have a place where we can shack up. My roommate is a girl. Her boyfriend is a hunk. He sleeps over often, but even if I wanted to seduce him, I can't. You are the only one on my mind. My address is: 242 Fountain Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90069.
I won't call you. If your answer is no, I don't want things to be awkward between us. I reached you through snail mail, and I would appreciate the same from you. Please write me as soon as possible, and please, please say yes to moving here.
With all my deepest love,
Kevin.
Andrew read the letter three times, and gave out one long agonizing wail. All this time he and Kevin could have been together. He could have had an office job in a university no less. He wondered why life was so cruel to him. All he knew for sure was that he had to find Kevin. Surely he didn't live in the furnished apartment anymore, and what if he was in a relationship? He could be. After all, he thought that Andrew had rejected him. But he might still be single. There was no doubt that he was going to try to find Kevin. He finally swallowed his pride, and he didn't care if Kevin had prospered and he hadn't. He needed to explain to him about the letter, which took thirteen years to reach him. He replaced it in the plastic cover, and stored it in a safe place.
Kevin ran to his mail box every day for nearly a year. He prayed that there would be a letter from Andrew, but none came. Finally, he had to admit that it was over between them, and he had to move on. He surmised that Andrew had moved on also. It was hard for him to maintain his resolve. Every night he dreamed of making love to Andrew. He swore that he could feel Andrew's body against his, while they made passionate love.
He actually had to force himself to start socializing. The first time he went to a gay bar, not far from his apartment, he couldn't bring himself to go inside. He turned away and ran home. He cried all night. He was successful on his second attempt. He entered the bar, and there was a rare seat available. He grabbed it.
He assumed that the bartender would card him, so he ordered a diet coke. The man sitting next to him must have heard him because he turned toward Kevin and said, "I'll be twenty-one in less than a year now. I can't wait to order a real drink."
Kevin smiled at him, and said, "Lucky you, I've got two years to go."
Kevin was about to turn away, but the other man held out his hand and said, "My name's James Simmons, but everyone calls me Jamie."
Kevin shook Jamie's hand. "My name's Kevin. Everyone calls me Kevin," he laughed.
"Are you attending school in L.A. or are you a local?" Jamie asked.
"I'm originally from New York, and I'm a sophomore at UCLA. I'll be a junior in a couple of months."
"That's great. I'm a junior and a couple of weeks away from becoming a senior at UCLA. We're schoolmates," Jamie beamed.
"Hardly schoolmates," Kevin corrected him. "You're three quarters through and I'm half through, and we've never met."
"I live off campus," Jamie informed Kevin. "How about you?"
"Me too. Just a couple of streets away. I've got a roommate, but I have a private room."
"I'd love to go home with you Kevin, and get better acquainted."
They did go to Kevin's apartment, and got very well acquainted. Neither was shy. They sucked, fucked, and rimmed freely. In the shower they gave each other golden showers. But the best part of the evening was that Kevin realized he could have sex with someone other than Andrew. He got hard instantly and came three times.
That night he began a series of one night stands. Kevin just couldn't commit to anyone. His subconscious mind still prayed that he would hear from Andrew one day. He knew it was a daydream, but he couldn't shake it.
There was nobody at Kevin's graduation. His widowed mother couldn't afford the fare, and she couldn't afford to take time off from work. Just after graduation, Kevin began to apprentice in a well-established CPA firm. He immediately did two things. He began to cram for the CPA exam, and he got a real one bedroom apartment, which he furnished nicely. He agonized if he should send Andrew his `permanent' address. He still hoped to hear from his old love. But he rationalized that if he hadn't heard from Andrew in all this time, he never would. He decided not to send Andrew his address.
Three years after Kevin graduated, a new associate joined Kevin's firm. His name was Matthew (Matt) Fields. Kevin didn't even notice him at first, but a month later the two men ran into each other in a gay bar. They both expressed their surprise that the other was gay. There was an instant attraction between them, then there was searing lust. Finally, they fell in love, and Matt moved in with Kevin.
They both took a week off, and made non-stop love.
Once he resolved to try to reach Kevin, Andrew took out his laptop and began his Google search. He was discouraged to find so many Kevin Brady's in Los Angeles, but he was quickly able to eliminate most of them. They were either the wrong age, or they had female spouses living with them. Kevin would never have switched teams. He finally narrowed it down to only two Kevin Brady's. One lived alone and the other lived with someone named Matthew Fields. He paid an extra fee to get additional information; addresses and telephone numbers. Strangely, the man who lived with Matthew Fields, had the same cell phone number as his Kevin's. Andrew was amazed that he had the same number after all these year. But he shouldn't have been. So did he. Andrew's search was successful.
He typed Kevin's name, address and telephone number into the Google search box, and was surprised that it linked him to Kevin's professional page. Kevin was a CPA and a partner in the firm of Lambert and Sachs. Then he googled Matthew Fields at the same address. Matthew worked for the same company.
He was tempted to get on his phone and call his lost love, but Kevin said that he should use snail mail to avoid an awkward situation. He decided to use the US mail as Kevin had requested. He was sure there would be no awkwardness when he told Kevin that he was willing to move to Los Angeles. He would make it clear that he didn't wish to interfere with his life, but maybe Kevin could assist him to find a job, and help him get settled. He didn't want the letter to sound too endearing, but he didn't want it to be too cold either. He had to craft it carefully. He wrote:
Dear Kevin.
I know this is hard to believe, but the reason I never answered your letter is because I never received it. I thought it was because you were ashamed of me, and no longer wished for me to move to L.A. Miraculously, I received the letter just yesterday. It was badly damaged, and was delivered to me in a plastic pouch. There was no explanation of what had happened. I used scotch tape to patch up the letter as best I could. Thank God, it was legible.
You have every right to be ashamed of me, Kev. I'm in the same dead end job I was in when you left. The rut I'm in is getting deeper and deeper. I've got to make a change. I have no intention of interfering in your life, especially since I'm sure you have a partner, but If I did move to L.A., could you help me find a job and a place to stay. I have so little personal stuff, that I can pack it in a few boxes and ship it to your address, that is if you won't mind. If I don't change my life, I'm going to die a lonely, old, poverty stricken man.
Please call. I promise you, it won't be awkward. My number is the same as it was, 212-555-0431.
Just to make sure this letter reaches you, I'm going to send it by certified mail, return receipt requested.
Anxiously awaiting an answer,
Andrew.
Andrew took a digital picture of both the plastic pouch, and the badly damaged letter. He printed them out and enclosed them with the letter. The next day he ran to the post office, and mailed it. Now, all he could do was pray, and wait for Kevin to call.
Andrew actually got a telephone call from Kevin before he received the return receipt from the post office. At first neither of them could talk, they were crying so much.
"It's my fault," Andrew whined. "I had your phone number. I should have called or written and asked you if you were all right."
"I'm just as guilty," Kevin said. "I should have called to find out if you received my letter."
"Let's stop beating ourselves up," Andrew said. "We both blew it big time." He began to sob again.
"Listen to me carefully," Kevin said with authority. "I started checking with my clients to see if any of them have an opening for you. Two of them have already said they did, and I have a few more to canvass. Also, after I got your letter, my partner Matt and I discussed it. You can stay with us until you get a job and can find an apartment. We only have one bedroom, but our living room couch is a sleep sofa. How soon can you get here?"
"I don't have much in the way of clothing," Andrew answered, "and it's probably not appropriate for California's climate. I can probably pack all my personal stuff in two suitcases, and a couple of boxes, which I can ship to you, so I can get there as soon as I make reservations. I'll let you know."
"Do you think you'll be here in less than four weeks?" Kevin asked.
"Yes, definitely. Why did you ask?"
"Because Matt and I are getting married next month, and I'd be honored if you'd be my best man. Matt's kid brother is standing up for him."
Andrew started to cry again, which prompted Kevin to say, "Please don't cry, Andy. Matt and I have been living together for several years. I thought I'd never see you again, and Matt and I fell in love."
"I'm not crying because I lost you, Kev. I'm crying because I'm so happy. Do you think Matt would mind if we were just good friends, and saw each other from time to time?"
"He's already told me that it's fine with him, and he can't wait to meet you."
"Kev, I like your Matt already."
"Andy," Kevin said, "Matt and I have a slew of good friends who are single. We'll introduce you, and I promise you that you won't be alone for long."
"Thanks Kev. Are you guys sure about this?"
"Yes, definitely."
"Thank you, then, and thank Matt for me. I'll be in touch, and let you know when I'll be there."
The day before Andrew was due to arrive in L.A., Kev and Matt received three small cartons via UPS. There wasn't much room in Matt and Kevin's apartment, and Andrew was going to have to live out of his suitcases and his packages, until he was settled in his own place.
They agreed to meet at the carousal, and that's where Matt and Kevin were waiting. Kevin spotted Andrew before Andrew saw him. When Kevin laid his eyes on Andrew, he ran to him, crying, "Andy, Andy." The two men fell into each other's arms. They didn't kiss, but they embraced tightly. Their cocks were rubbing together. They both wanted to say something about the wayward letter, but they refrained from doing so.
Matt observed the whole scene and he was frightened. He was secure in Kevin's love. After all, they were about to be married. But what if this reunion were to change Kevin's mind? He tried to erase such thoughts out of his brain, and he forced himself to believe that he was witnessing the reunion of two long lost brothers.
If the truth be told, Kevin felt the same way as Matt. He was reuniting with a long lost brother. Not so, Andrew. He was reuniting with the only man he had ever loved, and who loved him back. He had dozed all during the flight, dreaming that he and Kevin were making love.
He imagined Kevin sneaking out of his conjugal bed in the middle of the night, and joining him on the sleep sofa. They proceeded to give each other long trips around the world, and then sucked themselves dry. A day dream doesn't need recovery time, and then he envisioned Kevin fucking him dry and without protection. His dream was so vivid, he almost came in his pants. He began to cry silently during the flight, knowing that he would never act on his fantasies. He loved Kevin too much to disrupt his life.
When Matt finally said, "Ahem," they separated. Kevin introduced the two men in his life. They shook hands cordially, but the moment was terribly tense. Matt couldn't bury the fear he felt. He had believed that he'd be alright about it, but he wasn't. Unfortunately, Andrew felt the same way. He wasn't alright. Matt consoled himself by reminding himself that the arrangement was only temporary, while Andrew was already winning Kevin back in his mind.
Kevin was no dummy. He knew what each man was thinking, so while waiting for the luggage, he put his arms through one of Matt's arms.
"You know, Andrew," Kevin said, "after the wedding, Matt and I are going to Cancun, Mexico for a week's honeymoon. You'll have our apartment all to yourself. By then, we'll introduce you to plenty of guys. You'll meet more at the wedding, so feel free to invite them to our apartment to play."
"That's wonderful," Andrew said, "but I don't think I'll feel like playing until I have a job."
"You might have one by then. I have two interviews lined up for you tomorrow and the next day. One of the businesses is a client of mine, so I can tell my receptionist that I'm going there, and I'll take you for your interview. The other is not a client. I'll just take a couple of hours off."
"No kidding. Tell me about them."
"Yes, I will, when we're home, but while we're in the car, I want you to get a taste of Los Angeles. Soak in the sights."
The first thing that Andrew noticed was not a sight at all. It was February, and when he left New York, the temperature was 31oF. The sky was overcast, and it was dark and dank. When they left the terminal, and headed for Matt's car the temperature was 67oF. There wasn't a cloud in the sky.
"There isn't much to see on our trip home," Kevin said, "but we'll take you sightseeing this weekend. We'll also hit a couple of bars, if you'd like."
"I'd like," Andrew said." Now that they were headed home he was actually beginning to get excited.
The traffic was just as heavy as in New York, and just as congested, but the streets, were much wider, and that helped some. Andrew drank in the sights, and got a feel for the city.
When they got home, the sofa bed was ready for use, so the three men sat at the kitchen table for their conference.
"The first interview tomorrow, honey, is with an import-export company." Kevin hadn't intended to say `honey.' It just slipped out, and Matt's stomach churned. "Mr. Kaplan, the owner, told me it's an entry level position, and you'll be well trained in completing all the complex documents."
"If I don't have to work in a cubicle, it's already a plus," Andrew noted.
"I've been to Mr. Kaplan's office many times, and I assure you, there are no cubicles, just private offices."
"What about the second interview?" Andrew asked.
"Mr. Forman, manager of UCLA's business office, and I have remained friends. I happened to speak to him the other day, and told him about the lost letter and the miracle that you were coming to L.A. fourteen years late. He laughed, and said that he would still like to hire a full timer that he can train to take over the job when he retires. That's the job I'd like to see you take, Andrew. It's not a requirement, but if you want to you can take courses at night and earn college credits."
"So, what are you saying? If I don't get some advanced college courses, you'd be ashamed of me?" Andrew's pride and his prejudices were surfacing again.
"You're a bigger dufus than I thought," Kevin said. "No such thought entered my mind. I don't care if you take courses or not. That's up to you."
"If I get the job at the university, I'll see how I feel about it then."
As it turned out, Andrew accepted the job with the import-export firm. He fancied the idea of a private office with windows. He also felt that he could master the business more easily than finance. To get ahead in finance, he was certain that he would need more academic training. He had never been a good student, and he shied away from any more schooling.
"We have to pass your new office on the way to ours," Matt said. "One of us will drop you off and pick you up. We can't lend you either of our cars because we need them for work. When you're on your feet, we'll help you get wheels."
Andrew began to cry. He realized how much his life had changed in a few short weeks. "Why are you guys being so nice to me."
Matt answered before Kevin could say anything. "Because Kevin loves you, and you're going to be his best man. Nothing will give us more pleasure than to see you making a good living, and leading a productive life."
Kevin dropped Andrew off for his interview with Kaplan Importing and Exporting. He expected Mr. Kaplan to be an older man, but he turned out to be a young and handsome stud. Bernard Kaplan could see the confusion on Andrew's face, so he said, "I worked for my dad every summer since I was a kid. He retired two years ago, and I took over the business."
"How did you know I was curious about your age?" Andrew asked.
"Some kind of sixth sense, I suspect."
Andrew may have been enlightened about that, but he was unaware of something else. Kevin and Matt were out at work, and a good portion of their client bases were gay. Bernie Kaplan was no exception. He and Kevin had met in a gay bar very soon after Kevin moved to L.A. They were both students at UCLA. They became good friends, but never fuck buddies. Their friendship stayed strong all these many years later.
Kevin had informed Bernie that Andrew was an old flame of his, and told him the story of the lost letter. Because of this knowledge, Bernie saw Andrew differently than Andrew saw him. Bernie could not get over how good looking Andrew was. He would have hired him without an interview. They chatted for a while, and then Bernie said, "Why don't you hang out here this morning. I'll introduce you to your co-workers, and show you the ropes and your office. I'll take you to lunch and we'll get better acquainted."
Andrew didn't have a clue that Bernie was gay. He had no gaydar at all. Furthermore, this street wise New Yorker had no idea that he was being hit on. He just thought that Californian's were super friendly. He learned what was going on at lunch. Bernie kept flirting with him, and placing his hand high up Andrew's thigh. After Andrew finally caught on, he did the same to Bernie. All of this was happening under the table, of course.
"What would you say, "Bernie asked, "if I called the office and told them that I was taking the afternoon off? I'd like to spend it with you."
"I'd say that was the best offer, I've ever had in my life. But would it effect my job?"
"Actually," Bernie smiled at Andrew, "it would assure job security."
"Then, I'd love to spend the afternoon getting acquainted with you"
"I'll call Matt and Kevin, and invite them to dinner tonight. In case you're curious, those two love birds are my very best friends."
When they entered Bernie's upscale apartment, Andrew was overwhelmed. It was at least three times bigger than Kevin and Matt's. As soon as Bernie shut the door, he was all over Andrew, hugging and kissing him without restraint. They made love that afternoon like an old married couple. The pleasure they gave themselves was awesome. They did everything from hugging and fondling to rimming and golden showers and the usual sucking and fucking in between.
Afterward, they lay wrapped up in each other's arms and Bernie whispered, "I've been waiting for you my whole life. Where have you been?"
"Wasting precious years in New York over a stupid mistake and too much pride, but I've learned my lesson."
"We have to get up now and get dressed," Bernie said. "We're meeting Matt and Kev at Spago's in less than two hours."
"What's Spago's?" Andrew asked.
"It's a restaurant and very upscale. We're about the same size. I'll give you something appropriate to wear."
Andrew accepted the offer without displaying a drop of stupid pride.
"I hope you haven't become too comfortable at Matt and Kev's place, if you can see what I'm hinting at," Bernie said.
"Hardly comfortable. Their sleep sofa is the pits."
Andrew worked for Bernie for two months. He learned his job rapidly, and it became obvious to both of them that they were every bit as compatible at the office as they were in the bedroom. At last, Andrew moved in with Bernie. They, and Matt and Kevin, became BFFs.
Kevin and Andrew had no regrets. Each was happy for the other, and decided that their happiness had been arranged by fate in the form of a lost letter.
Author's Note: My deepest apologies to William Shakespeare, the greatest poet and playwright of all time. I shamelessly paraphrased the title of one of his plays, "Love's Labour's Lost. It just seemed to be the right title for this story. HWB