This story is a work of fiction. It depicts a romance between two consenting adult males and may contain some descriptions of sexual acts. If you are not of legal age to read this kind of story, please leave now. If you reside in an area where reading stories that include sexual situations between two consenting adult males is illegal, please leave now. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity to any person(s) living or dead is simply a coincidence. The author retains all rights to the story. It cannot be reproduced in any form without expressed written permission from the author. Please contact the author for any requests. Copyright 2006.
Feedback...including criticism...is appreciated and welcome. Please respond to this story at: jaden.scott@adelphia.net
LOVER'S LANE
by Jaden Scott
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: MOVING FORWARD
LANE'S POINT OF VIEW
Nothing out of the ordinary happened to me when I woke up on Tuesday, April 19, 2005. At least, nothing that would have clued me in to that fact that a life-changing event would happen today. It felt just like any other Tuesday. I got out of bed, stretched, put on my workout gear, and walked over to the outdoor track, which was my normal routine. I met Jaden, and we got ready for our morning run. Like I said, my day began just like any other typical day in my life.
Jaden was wearing one of the t-shirts we had bought together during spring break a few weeks ago. I think that's what triggered a flood of memories to rush into my mind.
I remembered everything that happened to us since that amazing, out-of-this-world first date we shared back in late December. Jaden and I had experienced a lot of fun and magical moments since that night, and we had made a lot of great memories together. But, without a doubt in my mind, the memory of the kiss we shared under the moonlight at his special place was number one...by a mile.
When Jaden dropped me off at my parent's house that night, he walked me to the front door. It was late, well after 1AM. I think the fact it was so late, combined with feeling more comfortable because we were at my parent's house, made both of us feel we were able to kiss each other one more time, despite being in public.
"What did I do to deserve having you in my life??" I asked him, after we finished our kiss. Jaden laughed out loud.
"That's so funny. I was thinking the EXACT same thing earlier this evening." He replied.
After that night we were inseparable. I never got tired of seeing him, or hanging out with him. In fact, I always felt that I didn't get to spend ENOUGH time with him.
My whole family was thrilled when I revealed that we were officially a couple. I might be wrong, but I could have sworn both my mother and sister had to wipe away some tears that came to their eyes. Of course, neither of them would ever admit that to me.
When I told Connor everything that happened, this is exactly our conversation went:
"Connor, Jaden and I have decided to become boyfriends."
"Oh...so, does that mean he's my brother-in-law now??" The sad part about Connor's question was...he was completely serious!!
"No, DUMB-ASS. We're not married!! Do you think Veronica is my sister-in-law??"
"Not yet." Connor mumbled.
"What was that??" I asked, shocked by his admission. I knew that Connor and Veronica had been dating for a while, but I didn't realize they had gotten THAT serious.
"CONGRATULATIONS, LANE!!" He said, changing the subject. "It's about damn time!!"
I was nice and let his comment slide. Besides, the conversation was supposed to be about me anyway!! While a part of me agreed with his rather crude assessment that it took a long time for Jaden and I to become a couple, a larger part of me knew that my relationship with Jaden been come dangerously close to NOT happening. I don't think I would ever be able to explain to Connor how truly close Jaden and I had come to only being friends.
Connor's reaction to my news was nothing out of the ordinary for him. Honestly...where did he come from?? Was he adopted?? Clearly, his brain was a few donuts shy of a baker's dozen. Connor's bulb didn't shine as brightly as Sarah, my parents, and me. Ultimately, I decided to chalk up his mental deficiencies to genetics...apparently, he was the anomaly of our family.
I loved everything about New Year's Eve. Jaden and I decided to stay in and have a quiet evening at home. We ended up at my parent's house, along with Connor, Veronica, Sarah, Brad, and my two nephews. My parents weren't there because they had gotten invited to a big party at a hotel in downtown Boston. They were planning on spending the night there too.
We didn't do anything particularly wild or crazy that night. I only drank three beers during the entire evening. We played games with the kids and watched the ball drop on television. That was my favorite part of the evening...having someone to kiss when the clock struck midnight. I'd never experienced that before and, for obvious reasons, Jaden hadn't either. It was so cool that we got to share our first New Year's Eve kiss together.
It made me a little sad that I couldn't say the same thing when it came to sex. I was disappointed in myself, but I couldn't erase my past experiences with Zach. At the time, I was horny, so it was easy to convince myself I was in love and sleep with him. Jaden and I had never discussed my past sex life with Zach. I worried from time to time that the fact I wasn't a virgin would be a problem for him, especially since I knew he had some very religious views when it came to sexual matters. At first, I didn't really get it, but once I fell in love with him, it became easier for me to understand why he believed in only having one sexual partner. When we made love for the first time, he was going to give me the a gift...his virginity...that I couldn't return. I had a massive amount of respect for him, and I was humbled that I was going to be the recipient of such an honor.
Jaden and I spent the rest of our winter break together. Sometimes, the two of us did stuff alone, but most of the time we were with at least one member of our immediate families. During those couple of weeks, I got the opportunity to know Mr. and Mrs. Scott better, and I felt that they really liked me. I was happy...and relieved...about that.
The day before Jaden and I had planned to go back to school, our grades came in the mail and...drum roll, please...I achieved a perfect 4.0 grade point average during the last semester. Jaden had earned a 3.85, which meant that not only did I crush him in our head-to-head battle, I kept my lead when it came to our cumulative grade point averages. In fact, I actually INCREASED my advantage in that area. To say that Jaden was miffed by the results would be an enormous understatement. I knew that he'd set a personal goal to try and beat my grade point average, and he didn't like it when he failed to achieve his goals. With only one more semester of undergraduate school left, the only chance he had of beating my overall grade point average was if I had a complete meltdown and actually FAILED a class. To put it another way, I would have something to tease him about for the rest of our lives because...that was never going to happen.
I made a conscious decision NOT to tell Nick, Kelly, and the rest of my friends from school about the change in status between Jaden and I, not that I would have had the chance with most of them because the only person I spoke to over winter break was Nick. He questioned me incessantly about what was going on with Jaden and me, but I played coy with him. I wanted to surprise Nick and all of my friends when we got back to school. Thanks to Jaden's participation, I got to do just that...with a BANG!!
Once all of my friends had made his or her way back to school, Nick, Clint, Tim, Stu, and I had our very last 'Start of the Semester' party. I discussed my plan with Jaden ahead of time and, surprisingly, he was wiling to go along with my idea. Per our arrangement, Jaden didn't come to the party until after everyone else had arrived. I called to let him know when that happened. Besides the five of us throwing the party, the other people at our house were: Kelly, Chrissy, Angela, Stephanie, Ryan, Vicki, Marissa, and Marissa's new boyfriend Matt. Kaylie was no longer a part of any of our lives. After what she did to Jaden last fall, the girls had cut her off completely. It felt really good to know that all of my friends had my back like that.
Everyone was located in the living room, hanging out and having a good time when Jaden walked in the door, George following behind him. I was standing in the far corner, next to the doorway leading to the kitchen.
"HEY!! JADEN!! GEORGE!!" Nick yelled when he saw them come in. "Dude!! It's good to see you. How are you??"
A chorus of different greetings rang out from the group. When they finished, I took that as my cue to put my plan in action and give Jaden a special greeting all my own. As I left my spot and started to approach Jaden, I noticed that my friends got quiet once they saw where I was going. It didn't take me very long to reach him.
"Hey." I said. I had no emotion in my voice.
"Hey." He replied, equally as monotone as I had been.
And then, in front of my closest friends in the world, I leaned in and kissed Jaden. I didn't give him a peck on the lips; instead, I planted one on him. I did that for two reasons. First of all, I liked kissing my boyfriend!! Besides that, I wanted my friends to notice what we were doing. I was so glad that Jaden agreed to all of this. For one thing, he was still shy around everyone, even though he had become friends with all of them in his own right. The larger issue, the one that I was afraid would kill my idea, was his issue with public displays of affection between two guys, especially when he was one of those guys!! It made me feel good to know that he was willing to put aside his fears just to make me happy. That was another reason why I loved him so much.
After we ended our kiss, the room was silent, except for the music coming from the CD player. If it wasn't for that music, I'm positive we could've heard a pin drop. I turned around, stood next to Jaden, and grabbed his hand. He was shaking a little bit, clearly embarrassed by what we had just did. I squeezed his hand to let him know I was right there with him.
"OH MY GOD!!" Kelly screamed. "LANE!! JADEN!! OH MY GOD!!"
I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. This was the exact reaction I was hoping for. Everyone was silent again and just stared a us. I happened to glance at Matt; it looked like his eyes were going to pop out of his head. Apparently, Marissa hadn't told him that Jaden and I were gay. My eyes found Nick, and I watched as a huge smile appeared on his face.
"Now that I've gotten everyone's attention, I wanted to make sure all of you knew who this guy standing next to me is. Let me introduce Jaden...my BOYFRIEND!!" I announced triumphantly.
The room EXPLODED. Everyone, with the exception of Matt, literally jumped to their feet and came rushing over to us. They were all so happy and excited and I was on cloud nine. These were my friends, and to know that they accepted me and Jaden as a couple felt...excellent. None of them were treating us any differently just because we were gay.
All of the girls hugged us. Nick gave me a high-five.
"Lane, I KNEW you weren't telling me the whole story!!" He exclaimed. "You sly dog!!"
"Sorry about that. I wanted to surprise all of you with our good news." I said. I don't think it would have been possible to wipe the smile off of my face. I was also glad...and relieved...that Jaden had calmed down. Once he realized that everyone was happy for us, his embarrassment seemed to wash away.
After a few minutes, Clint, Tim, Ryan, and Stu returned their attention to the video football game they had been playing prior to my big announcement. The girls trapped Jaden and were fussing over him. I glanced up and Nick caught my eye. He was over by the entrance to the kitchen. When he saw me look at him, he tilted his head sharply in the direction of the kitchen, indicating that he wanted me to follow him in there.
"What's up??" I asked him after we were both in the kitchen.
Nick studied me for a few seconds. He was definitely appraising me.
"You look really happy, Lane." He commented.
"I am. I'm extremely happy." I replied.
"This thing...this relationship with Jaden...this is what you want, right??" He asked.
"Absolutely. Nick...I found HIM. HIM." I repeated, emphasizing the word as much as I could. "He's the one. I know it with every fiber of my being. I'm...I'm never letting him go."
"WOW!!" Nick exclaimed. I don't think he expected my feelings for Jaden to be so intense.
"I know. I'm...I'm IN LOVE with him. It's the real thing." I said.
"Dude, I don't know what to say, except...congratulations. I'm so happy for you!!" Nick practically yelled.
He walked up to me and gave me a friendly 'guy' hug. This night was turning out to be so much more awesome than I could have possibly hoped for. Standing in front of me was the best friend a person...any person...could ever hope for, and in the other room was my boyfriend, who I was deeply in love with. All of my friends accepted the fact that we were gay, and they were happy that Jaden and I had gotten together. Can life get any better than this??
"Spill the beans. How did you manage to convince Jaden to start dating you??" He asked him jokingly.
I began to tell him everything that happened over winter break. At some point, Kelly wandered into the kitchen while searching for her boyfriend, and she dragged both of us back into the living room, where Jaden and I were inundated with questions of how we became a couple. I could tell that Jaden got embarrassed a few times as we told the story but, overall, he was holding himself together very well.
So, that's how the last semester of my undergraduate college career started. It took almost no time at all for Jaden and I to get back into our routine of working out, going to class, and studying. I was especially glad to get back into our workout routine because...I had taken a few days off from during winter break. Jaden had remained committed to our daily workout routine, but I came up with a few (bad) excuses and slept in rather than get up and work out. I had to admit that it felt good to be working out again on a daily basis. I needed to...I had a guy now and I wanted to maintain my figure for him!! I wasn't one of those people that let themselves go AFTER they got the guy or girl. I wanted to be as sexy as possible for him, all of the time.
Classes were difficult but, then again, my microbiology classes always were. Because I needed to fulfill a history requirement for my major, I decided to take a class called 'Ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia'. Even though I wasn't a history buff, the class quickly became my favorite of the semester. It was extremely interesting to learn about what happened in that part of the world and the culture they had six thousand years ago. Jaden, Nick, and I took a recreational class that required us to play basketball for one hour three times a week. To my amazement, I actually earned one college credit for that class!! I would have gladly done it for free, but I wasn't going to argue if the school wanted to reward me for playing a game. Sadly, that was the only class Jaden and I would ever get to take together in college, but I guess that was understandable because we had such different majors.
January flew by and, as we got into February, two interesting things occurred. Jaden and I had a special dinner to celebrate the anniversary of the first day I noticed him in the student gym. While we ate, I told him about all of the thoughts and emotions I'd experienced, both on that first day and in the weeks that followed. The dinner was enjoyable for both of us, but for completely different reasons. I finally found the right circumstance to share with Jaden what I had gone through from the day I first saw him until the day I approached him. Jaden loved hearing the whole story, and I think he was surprised to find out just how much I liked him before we ever spoke to each other. We shared quite a few laughs about the whole situation, and I was glad that Jaden didn't feel like I'd been stalking him, which had been a small concern of mine. On the contrary, he was flattered that I took an interest in him, and he was thankful that I decided to pursue the idea of talking to him. He confessed that he had no memory of ever seeing me before the day I tapped him on the shoulder. I think he felt bad about that, but I really didn't care. All that mattered was that we were together now. It didn't make any sense for him to have regrets about that. I needed to remind myself to feel the same way when it came to the sex issue.
The second interesting thing that happened in February was...Valentine's Day. I really wanted to do something special with Jaden on that day. I had an idea of something we could do, but I wasn't sure how he would react to it. I finally decided that I needed to sit him down and explain my plan...in total. I had a feeling that if I tried to surprise him, he would react negatively.
About five days before Valentine's Day, Jaden and I were sitting on the couch located in the patio of my house. I was laying down perpendicular to Jaden, and I had my head in his lap. It was getting late, and we were enjoying a few minutes of alone time before Jaden left to go home. It was now or never. I looked up and established eye contact with him.
"So, Jay..." I said. I had begun calling him 'Jay' recently.
"Yes, Lay??" He replied while wiggling his eyebrows at me. We leaned in and shared a kiss.
This was a little routine that we had developed a few weeks ago. One night, for no reason, I called him 'Jay'.
"What, Lay??" He had replied, while laughing. We had been joking around all night and each of us was in a silly mood.
"Lay??" I asked. "Are you asking me to LAY one on you??" I was referring to a kiss, and that's exactly what I did. This led to us making out for about twenty minutes!! Now, weeks later, if he wanted a kiss, he would call me 'Lay'. Hey...stop judging!! It was our thing!! I thought it was quite cute, thank you very much.
"Seriously, JADEN." I said after we finished kissing...five minutes later. "I need to talk to you about something important."
"Sure. What is it??" He said. He got serious too.
"I...I wanted to discuss what we were going to do on Valentine's Day." I said.
I could feel his whole body tighten up. Okay, okay, maybe not his WHOLE body, but most of it!!
"S...s...sure." He replied meekly.
His physical reaction and his stuttering told me all I need to know about how he was feeling at the moment. He was EXTREMELY nervous about Valentine's Day, and I only had one guess as to WHY he was feeling that way. He thought I was expecting us to take a huge step forward in our relationship. He thought I was expecting us to have sex. I knew he wasn't ready for that yet and, truthfully, I didn't expect anything sexual to happen between us that night. I needed to make that perfectly clear to him. I needed him to understand that I was willing to wait for as long as it took. I truly believed he would get to that place in his mind, that he would eventually reach the level of comfort he required in order for us to take that next step and express our love for each other sexually.
This was the hurdle I had to overcome with Jaden in regards to my idea for Valentine's Day. Once he heard what I wanted to do, I suspected that not only would he think I expected something more to happen between us, he would think I was planning out when and where it would happen. I needed to tread very carefully.
"Well, I thought of something that we could do and I wanted to see how you felt about my idea." I said, choosing my words carefully.
"O...o...okay." He said, continuing to stutter.
DAMMIT!! He was really, really nervous and I had a feeling he was freaking out inside. I started to wonder if it was a good idea to mention my plan. I decided to take a different approach to this conversation. I sat up and turned so I was facing him. I grabbed his hands and held them gently.
"Jaden...I'm pretty sure I know exactly what you are thinking right now."
"Y...you...d...do??" He asked. Despite his stuttering, he sounded surprised.
"Yes, I do. I want...no, I NEED you to listen to me. Please." I asked him. He nodded his head. "This relationship...OUR relationship...is progressing at exactly the right speed, both for you AND me. I promise you...I've never been happier in my life."
He was silent for a few moments. He was definitely fighting back some tears.
"M...me too." He said.
"Good. I...I know we haven't discussed starting a sexual relationship yet, and that's okay. I understand that you aren't ready for something like that to happen between us yet." I said delicately.
"Lane..." He started to say.
"Hold on." I interrupted him. "Jaden, I'm not going to lie to you. I WANT to make love to you. I'm looking forward to our first time together. But, I need you to know that I'm not expecting anything right now. I don't want you to feel any pressure or think that if we don't do it, I'm going to break up with you. I promise you...THAT will NEVER happen. I'm committed to you. I'm committed to us."
His tears, which had been threatening to spill out, flowed easily now. Jaden wasn't able to hold them back anymore. I was glad that I said those things to him. Apparently, he really needed to hear all of that. He leaned forward and hugged me tightly, and we sat like that for quite some time. Finally, he let go of me and pulled back so we could look at each other.
"I love you SO much, Lane."
"I've never doubted that. I love you too." I leaned forward and we shared a gentle kiss. I believed that each one of our kisses meant something. This one confirmed our commitment to each other.
"So, getting back to my idea." I said after we finished.
"What is it??" He asked. Good...he wasn't stuttering, he felt relaxed, and he sounded more confident. I think I can share my idea with him now.
"I was thinking we could drive to Boston and go to dinner. Then, I thought we could rent a hotel room at some great downtown hotel and spend the night." I replied.
Jaden was silent for a few moments as he thought about my suggestion.
"So, we'd...we'd spend the night in the SAME room??" He asked timidly.
And...here it was. I knew that was going to be the stumbling block to my idea. Every day since we had become boyfriends, we had grown more and more affectionate with each other, but we hadn't spent the night sleeping in the same bed...yet. I was hoping that Jaden would initiate that but, to date, he hadn't even brought up the idea. When it came to dealing with Jaden, I always wanted him to be the one to start something new between us. But, my idea for Valentine's Day was going to push him into moving faster than he wanted to. Sometimes, though, I thought he needed to be pushed a little. Shit, it was confusing. I wasn't always sure what the right move was.
"Yes...but JUST to sleep." I said. I had another suggestion, but I was hesitant to throw it out there. Ultimately, if I wanted this trip to happen, I realized I would have to say something to him. "If it would make you feel any better, I can book a room with two beds. That way, if you feel like you need it, you can have your own bed to sleep in."
I was hoping he'd jump up and exclaim 'NO!! JUST GET ONE BED!!', but he didn't do that. Instead, he thought about my idea for a few seconds.
"Overall, your plan sounds like a lot of fun. I've never spent the night in downtown Boston before, despite living so close my whole life. As far as the room goes, would it be okay if you got a room with two beds??"
"Absolutely!!" I exclaimed, but I had to fake most of my enthusiasm. If he knew I was disappointed, he might interpret that to mean I was actually hoping for a sexual encounter to happen between us. BOYFRIENDS!! Can't live with them, can't live without them, can't KILL them!! "Remember, no pressure. Okay, babe??"
"Okay." He replied. We kissed again, sealing our commitment to taking this short trip.
The next day, I started to finalize our plans. I was glad I spoke to Jaden when I did, because I got the last reservation at the restaurant I chose for us to eat at. Plus, the girl at the hotel told me that after my reservation, they only had two rooms left!! Despite the big issue I had made about getting one or two beds, it really didn't matter in the end because all the hotel had left were rooms with two double beds. In terms of where Jaden would actually end up sleeping...well, I decided not to think about that too much. Like it or not, I was going to have to let fate run its course.
The days passed by quickly and, before I knew it, Jaden and I were in the car driving to Boston. We left right after our classes finished for the day. When we checked into the hotel room, the girl behind the counter gave me a smile, letting me know that she figured out Jaden and I were together. It always made me feel good when I encountered someone who gave me a sign indicating that they knew I was gay and that it was okay with them. Typically, I braced myself for rejection or disapproving looks, so when I got approval, it was very special.
By the time Jaden and I got settled into our hotel room and changed our clothes, it was time to leave for the restaurant. Dinner was very enjoyable and relaxed. The restaurant had a sizable dance floor on the far left side of the room and many couples got up during the course of the evening to take a spin around it. Neither Jaden nor I felt comfortable enough to do that, so we simply watched the other couples, yearning for a day when it would be acceptable for us to do that in 'straight' America.
I debated whether or not to take Jaden to a gay bar, and I ultimately decided he wasn't ready for that kind of scene yet. He was still incredibly innocent. I might have felt differently if he drank but, overall, the timing didn't feel right. When dinner was finished, we took a short walk down one of the main downtown streets. However, we couldn't stay outside very long because it was so windy, which made it extra cold. After about fifteen minutes, we hailed a cab and went back to our hotel.
After we entered the hotel and were safely behind the elevator doors, Jaden pushed me up against the wall and began ravaging my mouth. He was becoming more assertive, and I loved it. Not only was Jaden taking control more often, but he was turning into an incredibly skilled kisser. He took the time to learn what I liked and didn't like, and I was the grateful recipient of his efforts. Jaden treated our relationship as seriously as he took his studies at school; he wanted to be the best at everything he did. Hey!! You didn't see me complaining!! That trait was one of the things I appreciated and loved most about Jaden.
Jaden's newfound skills in kissing only served to heighten my anticipation for our (eventual) sex life. I was positive he was going to be a great lover and I got aroused whenever I tried imagining the day we first made love. Obviously, I knew he was going to go through a learning curve at first, and I was more than willing to be his teacher. Despite the fact that I had more sexual experience than Jaden, I was still going to have to learn things too, like what turned him on, and the unique erogenous zones on his body. I knew I was going to be almost as nervous as he was during our first time together, for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, I would be having sex with Jaden, who was the love of my life. I was also going to worry about how he was reacting to the whole experience, especially given his history. And, last, I hadn't had sex in a long time!! My skills were bound to be rusty, and I wanted to make it a great experience for Jaden.
I didn't know all of the specific details of the things that Leon had done to Jaden, but I knew enough. Anal sex, for instance, was going to be a major battle for Jaden. I couldn't imagine what it was like for him, not only to have been violated in that way, but also to also have those memories and relive them over and over again. Every time I thought about it, I felt so sorry for him and for what he had been through. At the same time, I was thankful that I didn't experience any of those nightmares. He amazed me. Just the fact that he was here in this elevator and passionately kissing me was a testament not only to how far and how much he had overcome, but also to the strength of his character. Every time I thought it wasn't possible to love him anymore than I already did, something like this reminded me of what he had been through, and my feelings for him ratcheted up another notch.
We stopped kissing when the elevator doors opened. Jaden grabbed my hand and we walked in silence down the hallway to our room. Once inside, Jaden fiddled with the cheap alarm clock radio that was in the room. I think he was just as surprised as I was when he found a station playing slow, soft music come in with the clarity it did. I wasn't sure what this music was; it was simply a nice, pleasant melody. Jaden walked over to me and, right there in a hotel room in downtown Boston, we shared our first dance. He was clinging to me...tightly. He buried his face in my neck and we swayed back and forth, slowly and sensually. I reached down and rested my hands on his ass, taking a chance by touching him there. Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, I thought I heard him let out a soft moan.
We danced for a while, and then Jaden moved his head and started kissing me. Gosh, he had gotten so comfortable with kissing over the last few weeks. It wasn't like the dam holding in his feelings had burst, but a sizable crack had been made in it. As the crack in his dam got weaker and grew in size, he became more demonstrative with me. Tonight was a perfect example of that crack getting a little bit wider.
Nick was the one I went to when I needed to talk about my relationship with Jaden. It was tough, because I couldn't reveal everything I knew about Jaden to Nick, so that made it hard for Nick to give me the best advice he could. Still, I revealed enough to let Nick know that some very bad things had happened to Jaden in his life. Because of that, Nick questioned if Jaden would ever be ready to begin a sexual relationship with me. I appreciated his concern, but I didn't feel that way. I could see Jaden moving forward, even if it was one inch at a time. As far as I was concerned, it wasn't a question of 'if' Jaden and I would have sex, but rather 'when'. 'Time' was an amazingly elusive concept, and it was also the only true healer, and I could see it working it's magic on Jaden. I trusted that 'time' would, in time, cure my love once and for all.
At some point, I couldn't remember when, Jaden and I ended up lying side by side on one of the beds. We were making out like fiends; it was awesome. But, like all good things, our kissing finally came to an end as we both needed to come up for air. We lay there for a while, just enjoying each other. No words were needed. While we had some amazing conversations, I loved the fact that Jaden and I could just 'be' with each other and not speak. Those moments were never awkward between us.
Jaden propped himself up on one elbow, his head resting in his hand. He stared at me for a minute before speaking.
"Lane, I'd really like it if we slept in the same bed tonight. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you would be okay with that." He said while smiling.
OKAY?? OKAY?? Um...YES IT WOULD!!
"Absolutely, babe. I'd love it!!" I exclaimed excitedly. Jaden's smile got even wider.
We got up and began getting ready for bed. Jaden, who was still very modest around me, went into the bathroom and closed the door while he changed. He took a pair of shorts and a t-shirt in with him. I changed into the same thing in the bedroom while he was in the bathroom. Once we finished changing, we brushed our teeth together and completed each of our nightly bedtime rituals. With that complete, I pulled back the covers on the bed we had been kissing on. I guess I could've chosen the other bed, but I figured I'd better stick with the bed that seemed to have the good karma.
I let Jaden get into the bed first. I was interested to see which side he would choose. Turns out he liked the left side of the bed, something I filed away for future reference. Once I got in the bed, I turned off the light, as it was on my side.
"So..." Jaden began.
"Are you nervous??" I asked him.
"Honestly...yes. But, just a little bit. Mostly, I feel excited." He said.
"Me too." I was thrilled to hear him say that.
"So...um...how does this work??" He asked. He sounded embarrassed.
"Jay, just do whatever makes you feel comfortable, alright?? Remember...no pressure. In fact, think of this as a pressure free zone." I replied. Jaden chuckled.
"Lay, you always know what to say to make me feel good. I love you!!"
"I love you too, babe." He had spoken his pet name for me, which meant he was ready for more kissing. I wasn't going to try and stop him!!
Jaden reached out in the darkness and felt around until he found my face. Now that he had a point of reference, he leaned in and started kissing me again. I was enjoying myself, but these were definitely not passionate kisses he was giving me. Jaden was clearly holding back. After a few minutes, we stopped kissing and Jaden lowered his head until it was resting on my chest. Our bodies were touching from head to toe, and I was in heaven. Slowly, he encircled my torso with one of his arms. I placed one of my hands on his back and lightly ran my fingertips back and forth on him. Jaden let out a sigh of contentment and, before I knew it, he was sound asleep. I could tell because his breathing became deeper and he started to snore very, very quietly. Despite all of the thoughts and emotions coursing through my body at the moment, I was very happy to know that I wasn't going to need to wear earplugs for the rest of my life. Wait a minute!! Did I snore?? I wasn't sure, but I didn't think so. Zach had never said anything, so I figured I was okay, which really meant that Jaden was okay.
I loved feeling him in my arms. I loved the weight of his head as it rested on my chest. I loved the way his arms held me so tightly. We fit together perfectly. I could get used to this very easily...and very quickly. Now that we had conquered this barrier, I was planning on spending many more nights just like this with Jaden, either in his bed or mine. There was simply no turning back now. I was hooked!! Jaden and I remained cuddled together the whole night. I fell asleep soon after he did, and we didn't separate the entire night. It was the best night of sleep I had ever experienced.
We had to check out of the hotel early the next morning and hightail it back to school. Unfortunately, it was Tuesday and we both had classes to attend. All in all, it turned out to be a fantastic Valentine's Day. After that, life continued normally and Jaden and I grew closer and closer as each day passed. I began to feel like half of a person when he wasn't around. He was my drug, and I was addicted to him. In a way, it was a slightly scary feeling. I was becoming very dependent on him. But, I think that's what love does to you, and the best loves make you feel like you can't live without the other person.
During this time, we really got to know each other. We shared all of our hopes, all of our dreams, all of our fears, and all of our insecurities with each other. The level I knew him on was far deeper than any I had ever experienced with another human being. I had to laugh at myself during the very few instances that Zach came to mind. I couldn't believe I thought I was in love with him. Even though Zach and I had sex with each other, I would choose the relationship I had with Jaden now in a heartbeat. There was simply no comparison.
Winter ended and spring finally arrived. In March, I watched in a mixture of awe and fascination as Jaden drank his first beer...a green one to boot...on St. Patrick's Day. He only had the one beer and, like everyone who drinks a beer for the first time, the first comment out of his mouth was:
"I can't believe THIS is what you people love to drink all of the time. It tastes like shit!!"
"It takes awhile, but you acquire a taste for it." I tried to explain.
"IF, and that's a big IF, I ever decide to drink again, I'm going to try a mixed drink!! That was the first...and LAST...beer I'll ever have!!" He exclaimed.
"That's what we all say!!" I told him. We shared a laugh.
Seeing Jaden have that beer was just more proof that he was moving forward. I didn't want to be a horn-dog, but I had to admit I was looking forward to the day that he would be ready for something more to happen between us.
Spring break occurred right after St. Patrick's Day. Jaden and I decided to go home during our break and save our money. I wasn't really sure where Jaden's money to pay for college came from; we hadn't had that conversation yet. My money came from a variety of places. Since I had a scholarship that paid for most of my tuition, the deal I worked out with my parents was that if I kept my grade point average above a 3.0, they would pay for the remainder of my tuition and for my living expenses. I had to earn my book money and any spending money I wanted by myself. I thought this was an incredibly fair arrangement. To earn my book and spending money, I worked during the summers. I had gotten hired on at a landscaping business the summer after I graduated from high school. The owner of that business was willing to keep a job open for me each subsequent summer. It was a mutually beneficial relationship; I needed the job and he needed the extra help during the summer months.
Jaden and I talked about taking a trip together after graduation, a reward we would give ourselves for earning our college degrees. But, so far, we hadn't agreed on where to go. He wanted to do something exotic, like take a trip to Australia or New Zealand. I wanted to find a beach somewhere and simply relax. Luckily, we were close to a compromise. I think I intrigued him when I suggested Hawaii, and I had a feeling we would end up going there.
Actually, Jaden really wanted us to apply for the television reality show called 'The Amazing Race'. This shocked me. I knew it was the only television show he made a point to watch each week. He was convinced that we were smart enough and athletic enough to have a good chance at winning. He wouldn't come out and say it, but I'm pretty sure he secretly thought we could win easily. Even if we did apply, I wasn't sure we would be chosen. For one thing, these types of reality shows usually liked to cast people with a strong and overpowering personality. Neither Jaden nor I was like that. I think the think that shocked me the most was that he would want to do something so...public. He wouldn't be able to hide his sexuality on that kind of show. From past experience, I knew that he liked to limit the amount of people that knew he was gay. When I questioned him about that, his response was surprising. It warmed my heart and gave me another piece of evidence that he was truly changing.
"I don't care what people think anymore. I love you and that's all that matters." He boldly declared. Gosh, did I hit the jackpot or what??
Spring break was kind of a weird time for us, mostly because we were apart so much. Ever since Valentine's Day, we had spent virtually every night together. Our original plan was to alternate nights between our two places, but that idea vanished very quickly, and we ended up staying at my house more often than not. By this point, Jaden had at least half, if not more, of his clothes in my room. We bought George his own little doggie bed to keep in my room. However, George usually ended up in bed with us, lying at our feet. I loved George, but...Jaden had spoiled him way too much. I understood why...for a long time, George was his only companion and Jaden gave him all the love and affection that I was now getting. Don't get me wrong, George would always be an important part of Jaden's life, but he wasn't as dependent on George anymore, not like he was when I first met him.
It was hard on us during spring break because we weren't able to spend the night together the ENTIRE WEEK!! Even though we saw each other every day, I felt very lonely. Jaden expressed a similar feeling. Neither one of us were brave enough to broach the subject with our parents. I'm not exactly sure why, but I think we were embarrassed because we assumed they would think we were only asking because we wanted to have sex with each other. Clearly, that was not the case. I don't think this was a gay versus straight issue either. It's hard to ask your parents if you can sleep with your significant other, no matter whom you're dating!!
I spent a lot of time during spring break finalizing my plans for graduate school. I had been accepted at Boston College, and I was planning on getting a master's degree in microbiology. I still wasn't sure what kind of career I wanted. I was hoping that I would discover a clear path during my graduate studies. Jaden and I stayed pretty low key during our time off and the week passed by relatively quickly. Once we were back at school, we settled in for the stretch run of the semester. Normally I was sad when spring break was over...it never seemed long enough...but this time I was happy to be back at school. The sole reason: I got to cuddle with my guy again.
As I finished my run, the stream of memories faded from my mind. I looked down at my watch, the one that Jaden had gotten me for Christmas, and saw that I was really improving my time. I only came in about thirty seconds behind Jaden. His pace was just a hair faster than mine, and over the course of seven or eight miles, that added up to my thirty-second deficit. One of my personal goals was to beat him one of these days. Maybe it was a guy thing, but I was playfully competitive with my boyfriend, just like he was when it came to our grades. He waited for me to finish and then we walked one lap together, in order to cool down.
"Remember, Mrs. Van Lehn is still gone, so we need to spend the night at my place." Jaden reminded me after we cooled down.
"Cool. I'll be over around six or so." I replied. He nodded, acknowledging my response.
Tuesdays was one of my two long days during the week, the other being Thursday. I had two classes in the morning, followed by a class/lab that ran for four hours, from 1 to 5PM. Jaden and I usually didn't have any time to meet up during those two days because our schedules didn't allow for it.
Jaden's landlord, Mrs. Van Lehn, had left on Monday to go stay at her daughter's house for a few days while she recovered from some minor outpatient surgery. Jaden decided he wanted us to spend the night at his place while she was gone. I hadn't made it over last night because I was working on a special project and the group I was collaborating with had come over to my house. We ended up working until well after midnight, which was about two hours past when I thought we'd be done. When I realized that we were running late, I called Jaden and he told me to just spend the night at my house. It was only the second or third time since Valentine's Day that we hadn't slept in the same bed together, besides spring break of course.
"Have a good day." Jaden said.
"You too, babe."
We both glanced around. Neither of us saw anyone looking, so we kissed quickly. I also grabbed his hand and squeezed it. I really wanted to stay with him, but we had to separate and get to our respective classes.
Like I said before, the start to my morning was completely normal. Nothing strange or unusual happened to me. It was, for all intents and purposes, just another Tuesday.
I didn't know it then, but my life was about to change...forever.
JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW
"Dinner is served!!" I announced.
Lane's head shot up and he shuffled into the kitchen. He'd been playing around with my computer while I was cooking up the masterpiece in front of us.
"Macaroni and cheese??" Lane asked when he saw what I had made.
"With pieces of hot dog!! Tantalizing, isn't it??" I said with a twinkle in my eye.
Lane looked disgusted, but he tried to put on a brave face.
"Mmmm...looks good." He said. It was the most unconvincing 'mmm' I had ever heard in my life.
"I'm sorry, Lane. I didn't realize my refrigerator was so bare. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow!!" I said.
"Okay, I guess I can put up with this food for one night!!" He said. At least he was smiling again.
We made up our plates and sat down at my tiny kitchen table. George, who had been fed already, was lying on my bed. I felt bad about the dinner, but...POOR COLLEGE STUDENT HERE!! I wasn't eating filet mignon every night!!
My relationship with Lane was blossoming. It had gotten better and better as the days passed. We had been dating for close to four months now. I couldn't believe how fast the time was flying by.
To say that Dr. Swatt was pleased with my progress over the last few months would probably be the understatement of the millennium. She was incredibly proud of me. Our relationship would always be professional, but that didn't stop me from believing that she truly cared about me. I didn't like when I remembered that I only had a handful of sessions left with her. Once I graduated, I wouldn't be seeing her anymore. Of course, I still had Dr. Crittenden, who was a great doctor, but Dr. Swatt and I had developed a special bond, a bond that probably doesn't happen between doctor and patient very often.
Soon after I came back from winter break, we cut my sessions back to once a week. I didn't need anymore of the intense therapy we had been doing for the last few months. Lately, we rarely spoke about Leon and the specifics of my ordeal. The only time those subjects came up was if they directly impacted our discussions about my relationship with Lane, the topic all of our discussions centered on now. After hearing me tell her everything about my relationship with Lane, Dr. Swatt had, at various points, declared Lane 'too good to be true', 'the perfect man', and 'the best boyfriend in the known universe.' I couldn't argue with her on any of those points, and sometimes I wondered if Dr. Swatt had some kind of crush on Lane, even though she had never met him. Of course, that couldn't be true because she was a happily married woman. Based on some of the comments she made to me over the years, I think she just loved seeing one of her patients in a happy, healthy, and balanced relationship. Unfortunately, I don't think she got to see that very often.
All of our talks, especially over the last month, had revolved around one little, yet powerful word. S...E...X...SEX!! For a few weeks after Valentine's Day, I had become preoccupied with the idea of sex. Okay, okay...I was obsessed!! I was caught in a frustrating predicament. From a purely physical aspect, my body wanted Lane. The positive I could take from that was I shouldn't have any problems functioning normally when Lane and I took the next step. When I was between the ages of fourteen to eighteen, my body's lack of sexual responses had been a major concern for me. Luckily, I was able to break down and conquer those specific mental barriers.
My problem wasn't physical; it was entirely mental. As hard as I was trying, I still wasn't completely able to get past my memories of what Leon had done to me. They lingered in my mind. Dr. Swatt was always quick to point out that I had been constantly moving forward since I met Lane. First, I had identified my attraction for him. Next, I had attacked my therapy with renewed vigor and I had gotten over the vast majority of my most terrifying thoughts about Leon. Once that happened, I'd taken a chance and asked Lane out on a date. Once we decided to become boyfriends, Lane and I kissed...a lot!! We were increasingly more affectionate with each other, and we had taken to sleeping together in the same bed every night. When she put it into perspective like that, I realized just how far I had come.
Dr. Swatt stressed repeatedly that I would do more harm to myself if I jumped into a physical relationship with Lane before I could handle it. If I wasn't one hundred percent ready, I could end up ruining our long-term prospects. I knew Dr. Swatt was right, but it was still very difficult. I was a healthy, virile, twenty one year old male. I was just a couple of years removed from when my sex drive was supposedly at its highest level. Due to all of my issues, I never experienced being a 'normal' eighteen year old. Is it possible that I could be hornier than I am right now?? My sex drive, which had basically been non-existent since I started puberty, had kicked into high gear recently. I was masturbating almost everyday, which was a huge change from the once a month pace I was at last year.
I had a sexy boyfriend and I was deeply in love with him. I felt like I needed to express that love, sexually. Sure, I enjoyed kissing Lane, and I loved cuddling with him. I also knew, by the end of my life, that I would probably kiss and cuddling with Lane far more than I would ever have sex with him. Despite understanding that, I still felt the need to have a sexual outlet to express my feelings for him.
I knew that Lane wasn't going to break up with me if we didn't have sex...at least for now. But, there was a part of me that felt he deserved it, like some kind of sexual reward for how patient he'd been with me. There had been a two-week period at the end of February and the beginning of March when I almost took the plunge. Dr. Swatt was able to reel me back in, and I was glad about that. With her help, I started to change my thinking pattern. It will happen when it happens and, when it does, it will be the right time. That was my mantra.
My focus returned to the meal. Dinner was good, I swear. It really was!! Okay, fine, it was kind of disgusting, but I wasn't about to admit that to Lane!! After we finished our delectable meal and cleaned up the dishes, we took George for a walk. I usually shied away from any public displays of affection, but something was different tonight. Almost as soon as we left my house, I grabbed Lane's hand. He gave me a big smile, so I knew he liked my action and didn't feel uncomfortable holding hands with me. We remained locked together during the entire walk. This was something I could easily get used to, and I silently prayed that God would somehow teach the world to get over their prejudices regarding gay relationships.
If I looked at it objectively, I could see that attitudes about homosexuality were changing at a slow, steady pace. I was thankful that I hadn't been born forty or fifty years ago, when it was virtually impossible to engage in a gay relationship. Lane and I wouldn't have been able to get together back then, at least not in the open way we were now. Speaking of gay life back in the fifties and sixties, when I was at Dr. Swatt's office the other day waiting for my appointment to begin, I read a blurb in one of the entertainment magazines I was looking through to pass the time. The short article mentioned a film that would be coming out later in the year starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger. In the movie, they played two cowboys who fell in love, but couldn't be together due to societal pressure.
The movie sounded excellent, not only for the storyline, but also because Jake was one of my favorite actors. Let's face it...he was HOT!! When I stopped to think about it, I noticed that Lane resembled the actor in a few ways. Of course, that's not why I was with Lane. I swear!!
In the grand tradition of my favorite sitcom, 'Friends', which had sadly ended last year, Lane and I had come up with our own list of celebrities that we would allow each other to fool around with, if the opportunity ever arose. There were two rules: we could only pick five people, and both of us had to agree that the people picked were actual 'celebrities' in order for them to remain on the list. Jake was at the top of my list, followed by, in no particular order, Seann William Scott, David Boreanez, Owen Wilson, and the guy who played Sawyer on 'Lost'. I felt comfortable with my choices.
Lane's list was more eclectic than mine and he had a couple of surprising choices, choices that I didn't quite understand. But, it was HIS list. I didn't have to sleep with any of them!! Tobey Maguire led off his list, followed by the guy who plays 'Jin' on 'Lost', which was interesting because I didn't know Lane had a thing for asian guys. Third on his list was the actor who played Logan on 'Veronica Mars'. I could easily see why Lane made those three choices. Tobey, and the actor from 'Veronica Mars' would have been on my list if we had given each other a few more choices. Lane's last two selections made me scratch my head. The first was Kiefer Sutherland. I guess if I really tried, I could see something sort of cute about him but, for the most part, he really didn't do anything for me. I was neutral on that selection. Lane's shocker pick was...Tom Cruise!! I know that a lot of gay men and straight women found him to be incredibly sexy, but I had never felt that way. I thought he was too short and his body didn't do anything for me. Plus, I didn't like the whole Scientology thing. That seemed really creepy to me. I didn't like most of his movies, with the exception of the two 'Mission: Impossible' films, although I think the main reason I enjoyed those two movies was the twists and turns of the storyline rather than because he was in it.
We got back from our walk and settled in for the night. We both had quite a bit of studying to do, so we decided to be serious, separate ourselves, and work diligently. I ended up sitting on my bed, while Lane stationed himself at my desk, mostly because he needed to use my computer.
We started studying, but very quickly I found that I was completely distracted...by Lane. He wasn't doing anything overt to break my concentration; he was sitting there quietly and studying. I found that I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I had always loved to look at him, to sit and study his face and his body. But, something was different tonight. I could feel myself entering into the realm of obsession, and I wasn't trying to stop myself. In a way, I was annoying myself because I couldn't concentrate at all. I was attempting to do some reading for one of my classes, but I wasn't making any progress. I had to go back and re-read the same sentences over and over again.
I don't think Lane noticed the fact that I kept staring at him. He was working intensely on his schoolwork, lost in the land of viruses and bacteria. I wouldn't have cared if he was an average student, or if he wasn't in college at all. But, I had to admit that one of his sexiest qualities, in my humble opinion, was how smart he was. Despite the fact that he continued to lead me in our battle over who had the higher grade point average, I loved his mind. I think his intelligence also helped make him funnier, because he was so sharp and so quick-witted.
As I sat on my bed and looked at him, I thought about how special he was. He was special in every way possible. Slowly, I realized something...I was ready. Wait a minute!! I WAS READY!! Holy Shit!! The feeling didn't come over me in a flash. There were no big bangs or bolts of lightning. The knowledge that I was ready started at the core of my being and radiated out to the rest of my body and I think that convinced me this was my true desire. I didn't want him out of some misguided feeling that I owed him something, or because I was JUST feeling horny. I WANTED it to happen. I wanted him.
I started to feel nervous, but it was more a sense of nervous excitement. I knew this man wouldn't hurt me. I knew he would go as slow as I needed him too. I knew he would teach me, not only how to show my love for him, but how to receive his love in return. Suddenly, I was overcome with emotion and I needed to collect myself, so I got up and headed towards the bathroom.
"George, come here." I said when I reached the bathroom door. George got up and walked over to me. We went into the bathroom, and I shut the door.
LANE'S POINT OF VIEW
My concentration was broken when Jaden got up from his bed.
"George, come here." He said. I looked up and saw Jaden and George enter the bathroom. I wondered briefly what was going on. I didn't understand why Jaden was taking George into the bathroom with him. I heard Jaden's muffled voice a few seconds later, but I couldn't decipher what he was saying. In the end, it wasn't that exciting, so I lost interest and turned my full attention back to my studies. I barely noticed when the bathroom door opened. Suddenly, I felt two arms encircle my chest.
JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW
I splashed some cold water on my face and dried myself off with a small hand towel. I stared at my reflection in the mirror that hung above the sink. I took a deep breath, the deepest one I'd ever taken, and slowly pushed the air out of my lungs. I turned and faced George.
"George, I need you to be a good boy. Stay in here for a while. Okay, buddy??" I asked him. I was almost pleading with him.
I reached down and petted George for a few seconds. I really loved him; until recently, he was my most faithful companion. Showing that he understood me, George walked over to the shower and laid down on the floor. I've said it once, and I'll probably say it a thousand times, but my dog was absolutely AMAZING!! I couldn't believe how smart he was.
I exited the bathroom and pulled the door until it shut. I looked over at Lane. He was engrossed in his studies. I slowly made the ten or eleven stops it took to reach him. I stood behind him for a couple of seconds, and then I reached down and hugged him from behind. My arms encircled his chest and I buried my face in his hair. I took a big whiff...gosh, his hair smelled really good!!
Lane leaned his head back into me and we stayed in this position for a few minutes. Finally, I moved my head down so my mouth was next to his ear.
"I'm ready." I whispered.
LANE'S POINT OF VIEW
He's ready?? Ready for what?? OH...MY...GOD!! HE'S READY!!!!
I was stunned for a few seconds because the reality of what he meant hit me hard and fast. When I was able to move, I broke out of his grip and swiveled my chair so I was facing him. The look in his eyes was a mixture of lust, desire, and just plain sex. It made him look incredibly sexy and I realized he was serious. It was the first time I had gotten to see this particular look from Jaden, and I was turned on...instantaneously.
"Are you sure??" I asked him. I needed to hear him say this was real.
"Yes." He said. His answer was simple and emphatic. I knew he wasn't joking around.
I immediately started to get hard.
JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW
I reached down and grabbed both of Lane's hands and I pulled him into a standing position. We stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds, and then I leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. I let go of one of his hands. I held onto the other one and I led him over to the bed. This was it!! It's really going to happen!!
I got EXTREMELY nervous all of the sudden. Despite knowing that I wanted this, I started shaking. Lane noticed my reaction and enveloped me in a big hug.
"Jaden, we don't have to do this if you aren't ready." He said a few seconds later.
I used every ounce of strength in my body and forcefully willed myself to calm down. I shook my head, which was against his chest. I looked up at him.
"NO!! I want this, Lane. I want you." I said with as much determination as I could muster.
I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled his face toward mine. We started kissing again. At first, it was slow and tentative, but our passion for each other quickly took over. Our tongues started dueling and our hands were grabbing each other everywhere.
By this time in our relationship, Lane and I had shared a ton kisses, many of which I thought very passionate. I realized now that Lane had been holding something back, probably because he knew we weren't going to sleep together. Now that he knew I was ready and willing, he shed the last vestiges of his self-control. I was starting to get turned on, and that feeling increased exponentially as I realized just how much Lane wanted me. I knew this wasn't just sex to him, or some kind of quick fuck. He wanted to make love to me and, at that moment, I felt the love he had for me radiating from him. It was overpowering.
Despite what was happening between us, the religious side of my upbringing kicked in. As I felt his love and commitment pore into me, my commitment to him became complete. We might never be able to get married in the eyes of the government but, in my heart, I married him. In my eyes, he became my life partner; he became my husband. It didn't really matter right now what I called him. The important thing is I needed to make that transition in my mind to know that what we were about to do was absolutely right. Once that happened, I was finally able to let myself go, just like he had a few moment ago.
I always seemed to get slightly aroused when Lane and I were kissing, especially lately. But, when I made that mental commitment to Lane, I got hard...instantly. It was almost painful, because my erection was confined inside of my shorts. Lane and I were pressed together and, when Lane felt my arousal, I think he was surprised because he stopped kissing me and pulled back to look at me. I smiled at him and, when he knew I was still doing okay and into this as much as he was, he gave me a thousand watt smile. I had seen him happy before, but it looked like he just reached a whole new level of euphoria.
"Do you...do you want to turn off the lights??" he asked me. His smile faltered. I shook my head.
"I want to see you...ALL of you." I replied.
That amazing smile was back...instantly...and we started kissing again. Slowly, we shuffled over to the bed, and Lane started to exert his dominance. Clearly, he was the alpha male in our relationship and, truthfully, that was just fine with me. It really turned me on!! He pushed me onto the bed and I fell into a sitting position. I let my gaze take in the sight before me. Maybe it was the state of arousal I was in, but I never realized just how sexual the body could look. Maybe it wasn't so much his body as his body LANGUAGE that was exuded sex. I don't know how to describe it any better. The best part was, all of his sexual energy was being directed at me!! He wanted me!! Lane had turned into this sexual animal...because of me!! It was the sexiest moment of my life.
I let my gaze slowly roam over his entire body. I could easily see that he was fully aroused too. I looked back up and he was staring at me. Nobody had ever looked at me so intensely before and, for a second, I thought he was going to grab me, flip me over, and fuck me. Instead, he slowly began to pull up his shirt. He grabbed the ends and sensually pulled it over his head until the shirt was off. His body was sensational, perfectly proportioned. His skin was glistening and it made him look so...alive!! He moved closer to me and put his hard dick in my face. This wasn't a request; he was demanding some attention. I reached up and tentatively started touching him through the material of the shorts he was wearing. Wow!! It was rock solid and it felt so...so...BIG!! Lane moaned, indicating he liked what I was doing to him, so I continued my exploration for a few more seconds. Suddenly, Lane grabbed my shoulders and pushed me until I was laying flat on the bed. He laid down on top of me and we started kissing. These were hard, forceful kisses. I felt like he was trying to suck the life right out of me.
I desperately needed to get out of my clothes. I grabbed Lane and forced him to turn over. He ended up lying flat on his back and I was straddling him. Lane reached up and put his hands underneath my shirt and started caressing my stomach. Oh god, that felt so good. I removed my shirt, trying to repeat Lane's motion from a few minutes ago. Lane's studied my body, and his eyes glazed over. It seemed like he really liked my body, and I was happy about that, especially after having body issues for so long. Armed with more confidence, I laid on top of him and we continued kissing.
At some point, I slid off of him and I was lying on my side directly next to him. I put my hand on his chest and started touching him. After I explored his chest for a few seconds, I slowly began to move my hand lower. When I got to his shorts, I let my hand linger there while I played with the waistband. Lane started bucking his hips, indicating he was ready for me to go further. I slipped my hand underneath the waistband and my hand bumped into his dick. I tentatively took it into my hand. It was so hard. Lane stopped kissing me and let out a long, loud, moan. He immediately increased his hip movements.
I loved the way he was reacting to me. I was making him feel good, and I loved that I could do that to him. I decided it was time...finally...to see my boyfriend naked. I propped myself up. Lane was looking at me lustfully. I reached down and started to pull of his shorts. With Lane's enthusiastic help, they were completely off in no time. Now I was able to study my boyfriend's whole body, although there was really only one area that interested me at the moment. The first thing that really jumped out at me was...Lane was completely SHAVED. I wasn't expecting that and I started to get a little worried about my own body. I trimmed, but I didn't take it all off. I hoped that would be okay with him. I studied his penis. It looked like we were compatible in size. In fact, Lane might be slightly smaller than me. A sense of relief washed over me. One of the things I had been worried about was if I was going to be big enough for him. I didn't want him to be disappointed in my size. But, now that I got to see him, I felt so much better. Penis size didn't really matter to me. To be honest, I think I would have been terrified if he was nine or ten inches long. I wasn't naïve; I knew that things like size mattered to people. Of course, I shouldn't have been so worried about that. Lane was the love of my life, and whatever size he was, big or small, ultimately didn't matter. I was making love to him, not his penis.
I grabbed him again and started jerking him off very slowly. Lane was grunting and groaning. He started sucking on my neck and I began to do the same to him. I was so happy he was reacting positively to my actions, and that caused me to stroke him faster. Soon, he stopped kissing me altogether and laid his head back on the pillow. His body was all over the place as he twisted and contorted. He started to moan my name.
"Jaden...Jaden." He said over and over again.
As much as I loved hearing him say my name when he was speaking normally, it was an incredible turn on hearing the way he growled my name now. There was simply no comparison to hearing him speak to me while he was in a sexual frenzy. It was amazing...and erotic.
"Jaden...Jaden...mmm...yeah. Baby, don't stop. Oh God. I love you."
He was lost in his own little world...and I still couldn't get over the fact that I was making me feel so good. I was glad; he deserved this.
"I'M GOING TO CUM!!" Lane exclaimed, suddenly. "AHHHHHHH!!"
His dick jumped violently in my hand. It surprised me so much that I immediately let go. Cum started shooting out of his dick in huge, massive volleys. Most of it landed on his chest, although a few drops actually hit him on the face. HOLY SHIT!! WOW!! THAT WAS INCREDIBLE!!
Lane kept moaning for a few more minutes, gradually getting quieter as he calmed down. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me.
"Baby, that was phenomenal."
He sat up and started kissing me. I was curious what his cum tasted like, but I was too scared to taste it. Maybe, over time, I would get to a point where I could try it, but I needed to take things one-step at a time. We stopped kissing and I reached over and pulled a bunch of tissues from the box located on the nightstand. I tried to be sexy while I cleaned him, but I don't think I was able to pull it off. When I was finished, Lane pounced on me. He literally grabbed me, picked me up, and threw me down on the bed.
"It's YOUR turn, now!!" He exclaimed.
I had gotten soft during the last few minutes, but it took all of 0.03 seconds for me to get hard again. At the same time, a wave of nerves shot though my body as my issues with being touched came back into my mind. I had a weird battle going on mentally. I knew that everything Lane would do to me was supposed to cause me pleasure. However, a brief flash of memories about 'IT' hit me, and I felt like I was ten years old again. I tried not to, but I couldn't help myself. I remembered the things that Leon did to me, and the ways that he touched me, which were all designed to bring him pleasure. I had been too young to understand what he was doing to me. The only thing I was certain of was the fact that I hated every single second he had his sweaty hands on my body. His touches did nothing more than increase the horror I felt in an already terrifying situation.
I was trying so hard to hold myself together, but when Lane leaned down to kiss me, I put my hands on his shoulders and held him back. I turned my head away from him and tears starting spilling out of my eyes and down my face. Lane recognized almost instantly what was happening to me.
"Jaden...baby. Oh God." He sighed. He had just repeated some of the same words he was speaking to me a few minutes ago, but this time the tone in his voice was completely different. He was worried about me.
I flung myself into his arms and I started crying. I sobbed uncontrollably for quite a long time. FUCK!! Every time I thought I had beaten this thing and overcome my mental obstacles, it came roaring back into my life. I tried to remind myself that part of the problem was how heightened all of my senses were. Being here with Lane and beginning my sexual exploration was incredibly emotional for me.
Eventually, I started to settle down and my crying ended. I felt completely drained.
"I'm SO sorry, Lane!!" I cried out. Lane immediately pushed me until we were able to look at each other in the face.
"Jaden, you did NOTHING wrong. Baby, you have nothing to feel sorry about." He was almost pleading with me.
Not only did he know exactly what to say to me, he knew the right tone of voice to use too. I started feeling better right away. I starting kissing him...very gently...and I pulled him on top of me as I fell backwards. Lane stopped kissing me for a second.
"If you want to stop, I understand. That would be completely fine with me." He said.
"NO!!" I shouted. I surprised myself with that outburst, and with the force and the conviction I put behind that word. I did NOT want to stop.
"No." I said again, this time not as loudly. "I want you Lane. I need this to happen...tonight." I said, trying to convince him I wasn't just telling him what he wanted to hear. Lane stared at me for a few minutes and searched my eyes, trying to determine how serious I was.
"Are you sure??" He asked.
"Yes. Absolutely." I responded. I paused for a second. "I'm positive."
I started to kiss him again, but Lane was holding back. Apparently, he wasn't convinced and he barely responded to my advance.
"Lane, please. Make love to me. I trust you...completely." I said earnestly.
We started kissing again, and this time I was able to relax my whole body. Lane must have felt that, because he began to respond to my kisses. We kissed slowly at first. I think both of us were trying to forget my emotional outburst. Thankfully, after a few minutes, the passion began to build up and we both got back into our lovemaking.
Lane repeated what I did to him, but instead of using his hand to explore my body, he used him mouth. He started kissing his way down my neck, then onto my chest. Before I knew it, he was sucking and biting on one of my nipples. I felt a wave of intense pleasure wash over me.
"Lane...Lane" I said, moaning his name. I couldn't stop myself. He was working his own brand of magic on my body and ...GOD, everything he was doing felt so good.
His lips started moving lower. I felt his tongue begin to explore around my belly button. I started squirming...it tickled!! In fact, I couldn't stop my body from moving. I felt like I was on fire!!
Finally, he neared the end of his journey and I was bursting in anticipation. I wasn't feeling nervous at all. He had taken his time and put me at ease. I was ready. I thought he was going to remove my shorts, but instead he moved his mouth down even lower and started chewing on my dick through the material of my shorts. He did that for a couple of minutes. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to take these shorts off....NOW!!
"Lane...PLEASE!!" I gasped. I reached down and started clawing at the waistband of my shorts. Lane realized what I wanted. He stopped what he was doing and pulled my shorts off in one fast, fluid motion. He was very talented when it came to the clothes removal aspect of sex.
I laid there, exposed, naked, and completely aroused in front of another human being for the first time in my life. Lane stopped and stared at my erection.
"Wow!!" I heard him whisper. It sounded like he really liked what he saw, and I was thrilled. I let out the breath I didn't even realize I had been holding in while I waited for his reaction. I felt relieved.
He grabbed my cock and started to jack me off. HOLY CRAP!! My body practically shot off the bed. That felt AMAZING!! I started moaning again. I never wanted him to let go of my...OH MY GOD!! A new wave of pleasure ripped thought my body as Lane took my dick in his mouth. My heart, which was already beating fast, threatened to burst out of my chest. The pleasure I was feeling was so intense, it was almost painful. My brain was having a hard time trying to process all of the different feelings that were coursing though my body.
There had been a few times when I had tried to imagine what a blowjob would feel like. I suspected it would feel good but, since I had no point of reference, it wasn't possible for me to comprehend what it would truly feel like. Oh my god!! I never imagined it would feel THIS GOOD. My whole body was tingling. Yep, I get it now. I understand, finally, why people make such a huge deal about sex. We weren't even done yet, and I couldn't wait to start again. And...we hadn't even scraped the tip of the iceberg when it came to the things Lane and I could do together. It's quite possible I might die from pleasure overload!!
"Oh god...Lane...yeah...yeah...don't stop. Yes. Right there baby!! Oh, shit." I was spouting gibberish. I couldn't make a coherent thought.
I felt sweat break out on my forehead. I was getting so hot!! Lane's mouth was unbelievable. He was very talented but, then again, I really shouldn't have expected anything less from my guy. He was good at everything he did. I was definitely reaping the rewards of that now.
I felt myself starting to lose control. I wasn't going to be able to hold back my orgasm much longer.
"Lane...ohhh...mmm. Don't stop...don't stop...OH GOD!! LANE, I'M GOING TO CUM!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.
My orgasm started and...I saw stars. It felt like the heavens opened.
"UHNNNNN...YESSSSS!!" I shouted.
My brain was barely functioning, but I still expected to feel my cum land someplace on my body. I waited and...I didn't feel anything. Suddenly, I realized why. Lane still had me in his mouth!! Holy shit!! He was SWALLOWING my cum!!
I felt the last volleys of my cum shoot out, and Lane enthusiastically slurped up everything I had to offer. I collapsed; I was completely spent, and my whole body felt incredibly relaxed.
WOW!! I had just experienced oral sex, and it was out of this world. I decided right then and there that I was never going to get tired of receiving a blowjob from Lane. My erection started to deflate and Lane licked me one more time before releasing me from his mouth. He laid his head on my stomach. We were both breathing heavily and, slowly, we began to recover.
In those few moments as I recovered from that mind-blowing orgasm, the remaining pieces of my soul, which had been so violently torn to pieces all of those years ago, mended. It had been so long since my soul was intact that I felt reborn, almost as if a brand new person had just emerged in the world. I was overcome with emotion...again...but this time because I was so incredibly happy. These feelings were all do to one person...my boyfriend, my lover, my savior, my protector, my soul mate, my love, MY LANE.
This time I let the tears flow freely. I felt no shame or embarrassment. Lane looked up and saw me crying. He got concerned and moved back up so we were facing each other. He reached out and gently caressed my face.
"Babe...is everything alright??' he asked.
"Everything is PERFECT." I replied. I reached up and started kissing him again.
You want to know what the best part was?? Our night had just begun.
TO BE CONTINUED...