This story is a work of fiction. It depicts a romance between two consenting adult males and may contain some descriptions of sexual acts, again between two consenting adult males. If you are not of legal age to read this kind of story, please leave now. If you reside in an area where reading stories that include sexual situations between two consenting adult males is illegal, please leave now. This story is for entertainment purposes only. Any similarity to any person(s) living or dead is simply a coincidence. The author retains all rights to this story. It cannot be reproduced in any form without expressed written permission from the author (me). Please contact the author for any requests. Copyright 2005.
Feedback (and criticism) is ALWAYS appreciated and welcome. Please respond to this story at: jaden.scott@adelphia.net
I look forward to hearing from all of you and I will respond if you write to me. Thanks to all of you who have written so far with your encouraging words. I have appreciated every one of them. Jaden
Please watch for changes in POINT-OF-VIEW.
LOVER'S LANE
by Jaden
From the end of Chapter Twelve:
JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW. It suddenly hit me, perhaps the biggest news of the night: LANE IS GAY!!
LANE'S POINT OF VIEW. Jaden's and Kaylie's words finally sunk in: JADEN IS GAY!! HE KNOWS THAT I'M GAY!! HE KNOWS THAT I LIKE HIM!! SHIT!! I took off running out the door. I have to find him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: THE MORNING AFTER
JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW.
I awoke with a start. I opened my eyes but quickly had to shield them because the sunlight was so bright. I started to move but stopped when a sharp pain went shooting through my neck and down my back. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized that I was at the school track. What was I doing here??
Memories of last night's events came rushing back to my conscious mind. Despite my sore muscles, I forced myself to sit upright.
"Long night, buddy??", I heard someone say to me.
I looked up and saw a runner who was passing me. He had a smirk on his face. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was 7:15AM. I realized that I had slept at the track all night.
I rubbed my eyes, then I stretched out my arms. My whole body was aching!! I tried to remember what had happened after I arrived at the track. I remembered crying and then I had...GEORGE!! I had never gone back to get George. He was still over at Lane's house. I was worried about him for a brief moment, but I calmed down as I realized that despite what had happened last night, someone would have taken care of my dog. They wouldn't have thrown him out on the street.
I didn't want to think about everything that had happened, but my brain wasn't cooperating. Luckily, it really didn't matter because I felt completely numb. I think I must have blown a circuit because I wasn't feeling any type of emotion as thoughts and images from last night raced through my mind. In fact, the only thing that I felt like doing was going home and taking a long, hot shower. I also needed to get George back. I decided that I would deal with last night later on.
I stood up quickly, which wasn't the smartest thing to do. My legs screamed in protest. To be honest, the pain felt good, in a weird sort of way. It reminded me that I was still alive and able to feel something.
I decided that I would go home and clean up before going over to Lane's house to get George. I told myself that it was too early to pick him up now and that I didn't want to be rude by waking someone up this early in the morning just so I could get my dog. The reality was I didn't want to see anybody who was at the party last night, especially Lane. I could probably live the rest of my life in perfect happiness if I never saw Lane or any of his friends again.
As I walked home, I was able to successfully block out any thoughts of the party. I concentrated primarily on the pain in my sore muscles. I knew that I would have to confront and deal with my feelings, but I couldn't do that right now. I wished once again for there to be some way for me to get George without having to see Lane. I wasn't sure when I'd ever be ready to talk to him again.
Apparently, I was not going to get a choice if or when I would see Lane again because I found him sitting against the door to my apartment when I arrived home. To say that I wasn't prepared to see him so soon would be the understatement of the century.
Lane was sitting on the ground with his back propped up against my door and George was laying in his lap. They were both sleeping. In any other situation, I think that would have made the cutest picture ever. Instead, I was filled with fear. The numbness I had been experiencing since I woke up was demolished by the power of the emotion that hit me. I AM NOT READY TO SPEAK TO HIM YET!! It took all of a split second for me to decide to leave before Lane and George woke up. I had no idea where to go but that didn't matter. Just as I started walking away, George began barking. DAMMIT!! I turned around just in time to see him jump out of Lane's arms and run up the steps that led to my apartment. Before I knew it, he was on top of me. He practically tackled me to the ground!! George hasn't been this excited to see me since...we met Lane, I thought.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lane stirring as the sound of George's barking woke him up. I stopped looking at him as I concentrated on giving a little love to my dog. I closed my eyes and wished that Lane would disappear. He didn't, however, and I could hear him get up and walk up the steps to join George and I in the backyard. I stopped petting George and I stood up, slowly. I didn't look at him at first, but when he didn't say anything I lifted my head and my eyes found his face.
He looked...horrible. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair was disheveled. His face was etched with worry and--his eyes!! I can't fully describe what I saw when I looked in his eyes, because so much emotion was passing through them. His face slowly dissolved into a look of relief as he realized that I was real and standing in front of him. Some of the fear I had felt when I first saw him disintergrated as I started to understand the level concern he was showing for me.
I had tried to convince myself that Lane wouldn't want anything to do with me after he saw me react so violently and psychotically toward Kaylie last night. Yet, here he was. Apparently, he had slept here last night waiting...for me!! I suddenly felt obligated to speak to him, but I didn't know what to say.
"Hey.", I said to him.
"Jaden.", he said. I had never heard one word spoken with so much emotion before. I could hear the tension he was feeling release as he said my name. "Are you...OK??"
"Um...yeah." I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He finally broke eye contact with me as he brought his hands up to rub his face.
I continued to be speechless. I didn't know what to think about him being over here at my apartment. I don't think he knew what to say either because, as he removed his hands from his face, he looked lost for words. Finally, I couldn't take the silence any longer.
"Thanks for taking care of George for me. I hope he wasn't too much of a burden."
"It was no problem.", Lane said. We both stared at each other again. This was extremely awkward.
"Jaden...about last night...", Lane started to say.
"Lane, please...stop.", I said, interrupting him. "I...I can't...not right now."
He studied me for a moment, trying to decide how serious I was. I think he finally realized that this wasn't the time or place for the discussion he (apparently) wanted to have.
"OK. But, Jaden...don't shut me out, alright?? I'm not sure what's going on, but I want to help if I can."
I didn't know what to think about what he had just said. I was taken aback by how quickly he had accepted my reluctance to talk about what had happened last night. I guess I was expecting him to be mad at me or think I was some type of psycho. I was expecting him to demand some answers.
"Lane...I...thanks.", I said. As usual, my contradictory feelings emerged. I suddenly had the urge to say so much...stuff to him, while simultaneously wanting to get away from him and never speak again.
"Sure. I'm, uh, I'm going to head home, now that I know that you're OK." I nodded to let him know that I heard him. He stared at me for another few seconds, then started to walk down the driveway. He stopped after taking about ten steps and turned around to face me.
"Can you promise me something??", he said after a few seconds.
"What do you want?"
"Call me if you need anything. ANYTHING--alright??"
"I...I promise."
"Good." He started to say something, then stopped as he seemed to decide against it. Finally, he made up his mind and said, "Will...will you still be meeting me for our workout tomorrow??"
Good question, I thought. The way I was feeling at the moment, I wasn't sure if I would. I wasn't sure of anything at the moment. I didn't know how to respond to him.
"Honestly, I'm not sure. I know that's not a great answer, but it's all I can say."
"Well, it's not a 'no'. I guess I can live with that."
He turned and continued to walk down the driveway. I suddenly felt guilty. He had slept outside of my door because he was worried about me!! He had taken care of my dog!! I felt like I owed him something more instead of blowing him off like I just did.
"LANE!!", I yelled out. He stopped and turned to face me again. "I WILL call you. I promise. It's just...I need some time...to...to sort things out. Can you understand that??"
"I'll try. The only thing I ask in return is that you remember that I want to help. Everyone does. I...we were all so worried about you last night.
EVERYONE was worried about me last night?? Didn't they see me erupt in a violent and crazy outburst and then run away?? Why do they care about me so much??
"I'll remember."
Lane looked at me for another second then, seemingly satisfied, turned and walked down the driveway and up the street. I stood there staring after him until he was out of sight. After he was gone, I squatted down to pet George.
"You still love me, right buddy??"
George leaned in and licked me all over my face. Somehow he knew exactly what I needed.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN: THE SHRINK
JADEN'S POINT OF VIEW.
I awoke with a start. This time, however, I was lying in my own bed. I looked over at my alarm clock. It was 12:30PM!! After Lane had left, George and I had gone into our apartment and I immediately collapsed into bed. I had never been so tired in my life. It had been a restless sleep, complete with dreams that I couldn't remember now. I looked over and saw George laying next to my, sound asleep. For once, my canine alarm clock let me sleep in!!
I felt extremely dirty as I realized that I was still in the same clothes I had been wearing last night. It was hard to believe that only twelve hours had passed since my outburst at Lane's party. The world seemed completely different to me.
As I got out of bed, the commotion I made woke George up. He jumped off of the bed, barked at me, and walked over to the door, waiting patiently for me to let him out. George has the right idea, I thought as I realized that my own bladder was full. After Geroge completed his business, I went in the bathroom to do mine.
I decided to take a long, hot, relaxing shower. Unfortunately, the relaxing part of my shower only lasted about 30 seconds as, once again, images and feelings from last night's party rushed through my mind. I tried to stop them, but I didn't have any success because they came on me with surprising power and speed. Unlike this morning at the track, I wasn't numb and my emotions started to overwhelm me. Memories of "IT" and all of the terror that I had felt during that time flooded my brain. I started to get dizzy and I almost slipped and fell. Somehow, I managed to catch myself and I ended up in a sitting position on the floor of the shower.
I'm not sure how long I sat there on the shower floor. It must have been awhile because I didn't snap out of the catatonic state I was in until the water started to turn cold. I slowly got to my feet, turned off the shower, and grabbed my towel. I started drying myself off, but I was just going through the motions. My mind was occupied with thoughts and feelings from 11 years ago and last night.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and made my into the kitchen. I sat down at the table and started to cry. Why won't this pain leave me?? Am I going to feel this way forever?? When will the consequences of "IT" start to go away??
Suddenly, I had a thought. I found my wallet and searched through it. Where is it?? Where is that phone number?? I practically tore my wallet apart looking for it and I felt so relieved when I finally found it. I found my cell phone and dialed the number, the first time I had ever used this particular number. The phone rang twice before she answered it.
"Hello. This is Dr. Swatt. Is this an emergency??", she said in a very professional tone.
"Doctor, this is Jaden Scott. I'm so sorry for using this number, but I didn't know who else to call. Please, Doctor, I need your help!!", I practically screamed into the phone.
"Slow down, Jaden. I want you to take a couple of deep breaths and try to settle yourself down."
I did as the she asked, and I felt myself starting to calm down.
"OK, Dr. Swatt. I'm feeling a little bit better now."
"Good. Now, Jaden, can you tell me a little bit about what happened that made you feel you needed to call this number??"
What happened?? What DIDN'T happen?? I didn't even know where to begin.
"I didn't know who else to turn to, Dr. Swatt. I...I went to a party last night at Lane's house."
"Is this the same Lane we have talked about in your last few sessions??"
"Yes. I went over to his house and while I was there, I lost control. All of my memories from the kidnapping came rushing back to me. The feelings I had were so intense, it felt like I was ten years old again. And then, I...I..."
"Go on, Jaden. You can tell me."
"I outed myself to everyone at the party--including Lane. They all know I'm gay!! I don't know what to do, Dr. Swatt. Please, I need some help!!"
Dr. Swatt was quiet for a few seconds before speaking again.
"Jaden, I want to see you. Do you think you can drive yourself over to my office??"
"Yes, I can."
"Good. Meet me there in 30 minutes. Make sure you keep your cell phone turned on, OK??"
"Thanks, Doctor. I'll see you soon."
I hung up the phone. I was completely frazzled, but the knowledge that I would be seeing my doctor shortly helped make me feel a little bit better. I quickly got dressed and headed out the door. George wasn't too happy about staying home, but I couldn't take him with me. I got in my car--a silver 2003 Honda Accord--and began driving. It normally took me about 20 minutes to get to the doctor's office, so I didn't have any time to spare!!
I pulled into the parking lot just as Dr. Swatt was getting out of her car. I parked next to her and exited my own vehicle. We entered her office and I took my seat on the couch I normally sat on.
Dr. Megan Swatt was only about about 28 or 29 years old. She was an extremely beautiful and incredibly intelligent woman. I had started seeing Dr. Swatt when I came up here to attend college. She was a protege of my hometown doctor, Dr. Crittenden. I had been seeing Dr. Crittenden ever since "IT" had happened. When I was 16 years old, Dr. Swatt had worked with Dr. Crittenden for about 6 months while she completed her degree and training. When she was finished, she left and set up her own practice outside of Providence. I had been extremely nervous about getting a new doctor when I started college because I was very happy with the care that Dr. Crittenden had given me. Once I had decided on a college and we realized I would be close to Dr. Swatt, Dr. Crittenden called her up and asked her to take me on as a patient. I allowed both doctors to exchange notes on my therapy sessions since I continued to see Dr. Crittenden when I was home for the summers. I was very happy with the arrangement we had and I felt equally comfortable talking to both doctors.
"Thank you so much for meeting me. I'm sorry that it's on a Sunday!!", I said to Dr. Swatt after she was settled in her chair.
"It's quite alright, Jaden. After being your doctor for so long, I know that you wouldn't call the emergency number unless it was extremely important. I can tell when a patient is having a legitimate crisis, and when they're not. Anyway, it's Sunday afternoon and my husband is glued to the television watching the football game."
Football!! I had forgotten all about the games today.
"Since we've already talked quite extensively about your new friend Lane and your feelings for him during our last two sessions, why don't you begin by telling me what happened yesterday?? Please give me as much detail as possible so I can have a better understanding of what we're dealing with."
I proceeeded to tell Dr. Swatt everything that had happened starting with yesterday's basketball game and ending with the breakdown I had while showering just a short time ago. Dr. Swatt took notes while I spoke, asking questions when she needed me to clarify something that happened or how I was feeling during a particular moment. When I finished, I said,
"I'm so confused, Dr. Swatt. I don't know how to handle all of these emotions I'm having. I'm not sure what to do."
Dr. Swatt sat quietly in her chair for a few minutes. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head as she contemplated what to say. Finally, she spoke.
"Jaden, I've been seeing you for three years now. In that time, we have established a strong level of trust. I need you to remember that trust as you listen to what I'm going to tell you. I'm going to be very candid with you because I think you can handle it, even with everything you have gone through during the last day. This emotional breakdown that you're currently experiencing is a GOOD THING, quite possibly the best thing to happen to you in a long time."
A GOOD THING?? QUITE POSSIBLY THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME?? wHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT??
"I know it doesn't feel very good right now and I understand that it was very difficult to relive your memories of Leon and the kidnapping. To be perfectly honest with you, Jaden, I've been waiting for this to happen since I first took you on as a patient. You've shut yourself off from these emotions for so long, I was beginning to wonder if they were permanently buried. Sure, you've had a minor flare up here and there, but, for the most part, you've suppressed the most horrific feelings. I don't want you to feel like you've done something wrong because you haven't. It's perfectly understandable why you've bottled up all of these emotions. It's human nature. But, in order to truly heal, you have to confront these feelings once and for all and put them behind you. You've just taken a gigantic step forward in the healing process."
"Jaden,", Dr. Swatt continued, "I've enjoyed being your doctor and I've tried to help you the best I can. Recently, however, I realized that we've reached a sort of crossroads on your path to recovery. There's no denying you went through a very traumatic experience. I wouldn't wish what happened to you on my worst enemy. But, at some point, you have to stop giving Leon all of this power over you. You have to take control of your life, Jaden. You need to stand up for yourself and push Leon away. Now, right now, is the time for action. This is your opportunity. I've hesitated saying these things to you because I've been waiting for a day like today to come along. It's finally here. This is a crucial step towards total recovery. The question is: Are you ready to move on, to let go of Leon once and for all?? Or, are you going to let that pain ruin the rest of your life??"
She put an interesting spin on my current problems. I never would have thought I could view my emotional state as something positive. One of the reasons I appreciated Dr. Swatt so much was her ability to take any negative thought or feeling and shed some positive light on it. She was the most optimistic person I had ever met.
"I want to heal, doctor. I'm ready to...finally. I want to start living life--my life--again."
"I'm so happy to hear that, Jaden. Believe it or not, you've taken the most painful step. The first one is always the hardest."
"Where do I go from here?? What am I supposed to do??"
"You need to continue our therapy sessions. We'll change the focus of our talks and deal with the feelings that have been stirred up. We also need to decide if and how Lane is going to fit into all of this."
"Lane!! I almost forgot about him. What am I supposed to do about Lane and that whole situation??"
"Well, I think the first thing you need to ask yourself is how you feel about Lane, now that you know the whole truth."
"I'm still not completely sure if I really do know the whole truth. I mean--I only heard what Kaylie said. For all I know she was lying about him liking me."
"Why don't you examine this issue from a different angle?? Forget about Kaylie and focus on Lane and his actions. For instance, who was the one that made first contact between you??"
"Lane."
"Who had the idea for the two of you to become workout partners??"
"It was Lane's idea."
"Who was the one that invited you play basketball with him, ostensibly to spend more time with you??"
"Lane, once again."
"At the party last night, who did Lane spend the majority of his time with??"
"When he wasn't playing in the video game tournament, he was usually around me."
"Who did you find at your apartment door this morning??"
"Lane. He was worried about me and wanted to make sure I was OK."
"So, you have to ask yourself this question, and be completely honest with yourself, what do all of Lane's actions indicate to you??"
"That...that he likes me?? Or...he at least wants to be friends with me."
"Based on the evidence, I would draw the same conclusions, Jaden. Right now, making a friend is a great step forward for you. I'm not sure if Lane wants something more than friendship from you. It doesn't really matter because you're not ready to start a relationship with him--or anyone. I definitely don't advocate starting any type of sexual relationship. Get to know Lane better and take it at a slow pace. You still need time to heal and jumping into a relationship will definitely hinder that process."
"Is it fair of me to burden Lane with all of my problems?? Assuming Kaylie was being truthful and Lane is gay AND likes me, should I let him get invested in me when I'm such an emotional wreck?? What do I have to offer him?? It seems like he's getting a pretty shitty deal by getting involved with me, even if it is JUST friendship."
"It isn't for you to decide what Lane can and can't handle. Have you thought about talking to him about your past??"
"A few times."
"I think that you should seriously consider it. You don't know how he is going to react until you tell him. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but I think you've reached a point where you need to share this part of yourself with someone other than your parents or doctor. You have to take a leap of faith, Jaden. You have to trust somebody. It's a scary thing to do, but you won't fully recover until you decide to take that step."
"I hear what you are saying, but I'm not sure."
"Let me ask you this question: Do you trust Lane??"
"Honestly, I don't know. I want to."
"Let's try a little exercise. I want you to sit back on the couch and get nice and comfortable." I did as she asked. "Now, close your eyes and try to clear your mind."
I took a few deep breaths and started to relax.
"I'm going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer with the first thought that comes into your mind. Do you understand??"
"Yes."
"Let's begin. What is your favorite color??"
"Blue."
"What is your favorite season??"
"Spring."
"What is your favorite food??"
"Anything with chicken in it."
She proceeded to ask me about 30 questions, all relating to things I liked or disliked. When we had reached a good rhythm, she asked me the following two questions.
"Do you want to pursue a friendship with Lane??"
"Yes."
"Do you trust Lane??"
"Yes."
As I answered that last question, I suddenly realized what had occurred. I opened my eyes and looked at Dr. Swatt. A smile--A SMILE!!--actually broke out on my face.
"I...I trust Lane.", I said.
"The only knowledge I have of Lane is what you've told me, but I think that you can trust him, Jaden. He has shown you over and over with his actions that he cares for you. I think it's alright to share your past with him. If he reacts badly, then he wasn't the person you thought he was. You wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that anyway."
"I'll definitely think about it."
"Good. So, are you feeling any better?? Have you calmed down??
"Yes. Thank you. This, all of this, was above and beyond."
"It's my job.", Dr. Swatt said with a smile. "I want you to go home and get a good night's sleep. Take things slowly for the next few days. You don't need to go running to Lane to bare your soul right this minute. In fact, I would recommend that you don't do anything like that for the next couple of days. At least wait until we can talk again at our normal session on Thursday. Take some time and try to relax. Let your mind process everything you've felt over the last day. If you need anything, please call me."
"I will, doctor."
Dr. Swatt had given me alot to think about. I felt much more calm than I did when I came in here earlier. She had really helped me. I decided to take her advice and get some rest. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell Lane about my past. I definitely had some serious thinking to do.
TO BE CONTINUED
Well, I decided to post these two chapters now, so I could feel like I had gotten something accomplished this week. Chapter 14 was supposed to be longer, but I am cutting out the last section and will include it in chapter 15. Sorry there's not much action in these chapters. They are actually important as they are helping to set up some future events. I'm trying to get these two together, I swear!! It's taking a little bit longer than I had anticipated. The story wouldn't ring true if they suddenly had drastic character changes--I'm trying to be faithful to who Jaden and Lane are. Stick with me!! I am going to move heaven and earth to try and get chapter 15 posted before this weekend, since I'll be away at alumni weekend at my alma mater. Wish me luck!!
Be on the lookout for Chapter 15 coming soon!!!
FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK---This is lifeblood for us writers, so please drop me a quick line.
My e-mail address is: jaden.scott@adelphia.net