DISCLAIMER:
OK.just doing the typical, requisite stuff here. The following story contains sexually graphic images and language. If you're under 18 (or 21 in some places) you shouldn't be reading this. Turn back now, and look forward to the day that you can legally read my ramblings.
Also, the central theme in this story is a love affair between two males. If this subject matter offends you, then you probably shouldn't be here either.
I've called this "The love that never was", because basically, it never was (funny that). I'm writing it as a "what-if" story- what would happen if one of my best friends, the guy of my dreams, who has the unfortunate affliction of being 100% heterosexual, felt for me the way that I feel for him.
As I said in Chapter 1, everything written up until this point has been true. From now on however, this story is (unfortunately) pure fiction.
That said, I hope you enjoy my story. Read on.
P.S. Sorry that its taken so long to post this chapter- I know I promised it would only be a week, but work, Christmas and New Years all conspired against me. If it wasn't for the completely unexpected amount of supportive emails I've recieved, I don't think I could have motivated myself to keep writing. So, thanks to everyone who emailed me- here's chapter 2 for you.
The Love That Never Was- Chapter 2
I woke up just before 6am on Sunday the 11th of December, alone as usual, to the persistent ringing of my phone.
"Great," I thought to myself, "I only got home from work 4 hours ago, and now some arsehole is ruining my one chance a week to sleep in. This'd better be good." In fact, I fully intended to repeat that sentiment to whoever was inconsiderate enough to be calling me at this god-forsaken hour.
"This'd better be good," I answered grumpily, when I picked up the reciever.
"Fine then," a familiar voice responded playfully, "maybe I'll just call you when you're a little more civil."
"Andy? Man, its not even 6 in the morning, and it's a Sunday. You of all people know I'm not a morning person." I replied, trying to sound angry, even though my annoyance died as soon as I heard his voice.
"Is it only 6? Sorry, I thought it'd be later there," he told me, sounding a little remorseful. "Not that it matters- I would have called anyway."
So much for remorse, I thought, before replying "So whats the emergency? Where are you?"
"I'm in Singapore Airport, waiting for a flight home. It leaves in an hour, so I'll be home by 4 pm, your time."
"What?!" I asked, incredulously. "You said you weren't coming home until the end of next month. Why the sudden change?"
"I just got sick of it," he replied bluntly. "No, that's not exactly true. I was still enjoying myself, but I just wanted to see the family and everyone at home. The main reason I was staying the extra month was so I could meet up with Mum and Dad and my brothers while they were overseas, but they've decided to cancel their trip and stay in Australia, so I thought I might just head back. I've had my fun, now its time to come home."
"So, you'll be here for Christmas and New Years? Thats a far cry from the slopes of Austria." I teased, "but it'll be good to have you back. I've missed you mate. Besides, you had to listen to all my painfully boring overseas travel stories, now you can take your revenge."
"That's kind of why I'm ringing actually." he told me, cryptically. "Like I said, I'm getting home tonight and having a big family dinner, but I was hoping you could come over some time over the next few days. I've got heaps to tell you, and Mum and Dad would love to see you."
"I'd love to come, but it won't be for a few days. I'm getting a few weeks off work, so I can go home and visit Dad for Christmas. I have to go through Sydney on the way home on Wednesday- how about I come over then?"
"Sounds like a plan," he said happily.
"Great, well I'll see you then. Have a good flight, and call me to let me know you got in OK."
"Will do. Seeya"
I hung up the phone, with all thoughts of returning to sleep gone. I was too awake, too excited. I was going to see Andy, almost 6 weeks before I'd expected to. I couldn't wait to see him, and to hear his stories, but my mind kept venturing back to the vow I made to myself yesterday. Could I really tell him how I felt? It was easy to convince myself that I could when it was 6 weeks before I'd have to do it. Now, I knew that I'd be seeing him in only 3 days- would I still have the guts to tell him?
"OK, OK. Calm down." I told myself. "It'll be OK, just relax, calm down, go on as normal." Which is exactly what I did. For the next 3 days I carried on as normal. I worked, I packed the car ready for my trip home, and tried not to dwell on the idea of seeing Andy.
I got to the outskirts of Sydney on Wednesday afternoon before I called him.
"Hey, it's me," I said. "Listen, I can't stay long. This weather is shocking. I can barely see the road in front of me with all this rain. I've just come in to Sydney, and I should be at your place within 40 mins or so."
"OK. No need to rush though, just drive safely. See you soon. Bye"
I went back to concentrating on the road, and eventually pulled up in the driveway. I sat in the drivers seat for about 5 minutes, composing myself, before I got out and made the mad dash through the pouring rain to his front door. I knocked, and couldn't help but smile when he opened it, holding a towel.
"I figured you'd be needing this," he said, grinning at me. "Come on in, get yourself dried up- there are some fresh shirts in my room. I'll grab us a couple of beers. I reckon you'd need one of those too."
"Thats for sure," I said as I walked automatically to his bedroom. "I don't think I've seen a storm like this for ages." I put on one of Andy's old T-shirts, and could recognise his unique smell on the material.
"Thats why Mum and Dad aren't here," he told me, handing me a Tooheys Extra Dry. "They were at a friend's place, but neither of them are game to drive until this storm eases up. Apparently, they're spending the night over there, and they made me promise to make you stay here tonight. They said they didn't want you driving- especially not at night, in the rain, after you've been drinking."
"Yeah, yeah. Believe me, there's no way I'd get on the wrong side of your Mum." I said jokingly. "Besides, she's got a good point. It wouldn't exactly be the smartest thing I could do."
"Great. Now that that's settled, let's get something to eat. I'm starving. Mum had planned a big dinner, but seeing as they're stuck on the other side of Sydney that won't be happening. What about we just cook up some steaks? We can still use up some of the salads Mum made that way."
"Sounds good to me. I'll go get the barbecue fired up, and you get the steaks and salads."
I walked outside to the barbecue, thankful for the large covered area his parents had recently built. I lit the barbecue, and waited for Andy to come out with our food. In the meantime, I stood listening to the constant drumming of the rain on the roof above, and wondered how on earth I was going to tell him how I felt without ruining the friendship that meant so much to me. He woke me out of my daze with a clap on my shoulder, and another beer. For the next few hours we went about the business of cooking and eating dinner, chatting, and generally just acting as though we'd seen each other only a week before- it honestly was that comfortable with him. The only difference this time was that he had 6 months of international travel stories to tell me. At some point we found ourselves sitting on the couch, looking through another photo album. Suddenly, the sky lit up fluorescently as a bolt of lightning earthed somewhere nearby, and seconds later the house was left in darkness.
"I should've known this would happen," Andy said. "I'll go and get some candles from my room, and I'll be right back"
I sat, waiting for his return, watching as the occasional bolt of lightning would briefly illumuniate the house, only to plunge it back into darkness a second later. Eventually Andy returned, placed the candles on the table in front of us and lit them, giving the room a soft flickering glow. I took me a moment to realise that something had changed, the comfortable atmosphere of only a minute ago seemed to have gone. I reached over to touch Andy's shoulder, but he flinched from me.
"Andy, there's something wrong. What's the matter?" I asked, concern evident in my voice.
"Why did it have to be like this? I told myself it was going to be tonight, and now this just makes it so much harder. Why does everything have to be so hard?" He blurted, words coming out a mile a minute.
"Shhh, you're not making any sense. Just relax, it'll be OK. I'm here. OK, what was going to be tonight?"
"I was going to tell you."
"Tell me what, Andy?"
"That I'm gay!" he shouted at me, before curling up back on the lounge.
I didn't know what this did to my plan to tell him. If anything, it actually made things more difficult more me. I was determined to tell HIM, to face absolute rejection as he told me he was straight. Now, I knew that he was gay, and while I was excited at the prospect of there being at least a chance between us, there was another worry on my mind. At least if he was straight, I could believe that it was impossible for him to love me. What would I do if he told me now, after telling me he was gay, that he just wasn't interested? I honestly thought that would hurt more, that he would be personally rejecting ME, not just guys in general. Then, I turned and looked at him curled up, softly crying on the lounge, and I realised that this wasn't about me anymore. I hated to see him like this, and all I wanted to do was comfort him. I leant across to him, put my hand on his face, and tilted it so that he was looking at me.
"Andy, there's no need to cry. It's OK."
"I was so afraid that you'd hate me for it, that you'd never want to talk to me. That was the last thing I wanted, but I had to tell you. I'm sick of lying"
"Calm down. I could never, EVER hate you. Tell me, are you still the same person you were 2 minutes ago, before you told me you were gay? Are you still the same person who helped me through so many hard times? Are you still the same person who I can sit, talk and laugh with like no-one else I know?"
"I guess so." he replied, his fear seeming to drain away
"Then you have got absolutely nothing to worry about. I'll be there for you no matter what." I told him, with absolute honesty. "Have you told your parents?"
He shook his head.
"Your brothers?"
Another shake.
"Anyone?"
"No-one, only you"
"Well, I'm honoured. But, I would have thought it would be easier to tell a girl friend, rather than a guy."
"It probably would have been. But, I had to tell you first." I watched as the fear seemed to rise in his face again. "I had to see how you'd react. I'm just so tired of hiding, Robbie."
"Why is it so important how I react?"
"Because I love you, Robbie." he told me slowly and softly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I've always loved you, and I always will, but I can't go on pretending anymore. I love just spending time with you, but it drives me almost insane being so close to you, and not being able to touch you."
I sat, silent and open-mouthed as he rattled off the reasons why he loved me, the special times we had shared which had confirmed his feelings, and was amazed that they were the same reasons and times together that made me realise how much I loved him. It amazed me that we had both shared the same feelings for so long, realised our feelings at the same times, and yet neither of us ever knew how the other felt.
"Please Robbie, say something."
"I, I, I don't know what to say." I stammered, the shock of his words apparently severing the link between my brain and mouth.
"I know this must be difficult- a straight guy having his recently-outed gay best friend professing his love for him musn't be the most comfortable situation on earth."
"No." I said forcefully, "that's not it at all. I don't know what to say, because..." I took a deep breath before continuing, slowly, surely, "I don't know what to say, because you've just said everything I haven't had the guts to say for the last 4 years."
With that said, everything else just came out in a tumble- being gay, my feelings for him, the torture of living the last 4 years thinking I could never be with him. I watched as it was his turn to sit open-mouthed, silent, disbelieving.
"Wow," he said, staring at me, looking as though he were trying to catch his breath. "Now I'm the one who doesn't know what to say."
I stared straight back at him, looking deep into his eyes, amazed by how they shone in the flickering candlelight. Eventually, I replied "Maybe we don't have to say anything anymore."
Both of us started leaning forward, slowly and nervously, knowing that things would be very different from now on. Time seemed to move in slow motion, and it felt like minutes had passed before our lips finally met, destroying any last doubts about our feelings for each other. Even just this light grazing of our lips sent a shock through my body, which only intensified when I felt his fingers softly stroking my cheek. I was so caught up in this kiss that when I heard a soft moan escape from our lips I couldn't tell whether it came from him or me. 6 years of pent up emotion seemed to be expressed as our mouths met. As his lips caressed mine, I could feel all the love we'd hidden from each other for so long. As my tongue softly flicked across his bottom lip, I knew he could feel the same thing. As another soft moan escaped our lips, I finally realised- it came from both of us.
Still the storm raged outside, but inside, in the arms of my love, I was oblivious to it. All I knew at that moment was him; drinking in every possible detail, etching them permanently into my memory- the feel of his lips against mine, the soft intake of breath he occasionally made, the warmth of his cheek under my hand, that scent which regardless of cologne was exclusively Andy, the way the candlelight played across his face. Eventually we parted, looked at each other, and came to a silent agreement. Slowly, we walked to Andy's bedroom, never breaking physical contact. I watched him intently as he stripped down to his fitted boxers, showing off the body which was my idea of perfection. I watched as he blushed thanks to my intense scrutiny, and I couldn't help but giggle when he looked back at me cheekily, daring me to follow suit. I undressed, and still without a word between being uttered between us, we crawled into his bed, his back resting against my stomach and chest. I placed an arm over his body and held him close to me, nuzzling my face into the crook of his neck. Slowly, our breathing fell into sync and we slept, finally at peace with ourselves.
I awoke the next morning to find the storm had cleared, letting sunlight stream into Andy's room. We had changed positions at some stage during the night, I realised, as I was now lying comfortably on my back. Andy, sleeping peacefully, was sprawled almost face-down over my chest, his right hand on my left shoulder, his head on my right. I was content to just lay there and watch him sleep; soaking in the warm morning sunlight, memorising the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, so peacefully as he slept. I couldn't help myself, and I reached down to gently stroke his hair, trying desperately not to wake him. Eventually, lulled by sound of his breathing, I fell asleep once again, with a smile on my face. I awoke again some time later, and even before I opened my eyes I sensed that we had changed positions once again. I could feel myself lying on my side, my arms wrapped around him, enjoying the feeling of his warm body next to me.
"You can stop pretending now, Robbie" he said knowingly, "I can tell that you're awake." I turned my head, opened my eyes finally and looked up at him, quizically.
"How could you tell?" I asked. He looked back at me, blushing slightly.
"I've just been lying here watching you sleep for the last 15 minutes," he replied, his blush spreading. "I could hear your breathing change the moment you woke up. God, that sounds so corny."
"It's not corny, it's sweet." I told him truthfully, "Besides, I watched you while you were sleeping too. You just didn't wake up and catch me." That seemed to calm him a little, and slowly our breathing slowed, once again falling into a single rhythm. I could feel myself dozing off again, when Andy broke me out of my relaxing state.
"Robbie, what happened last night?" he asked nervously.
----------------------------------- Sorry to leave it here, but I really wanted to post SOMETHING, ANYTHING after taking so long to get myself motivated. I know that this is still actually set a month ago, but I'll try and have the story up to date ASAP.
Meanwhile, please keep sending any comments, questions, suggestions etc to aushotty@yahoo.com
Cya Robbie :)