DISCLAIMER:
The following story contains sexually graphic images and language. If you're under 18 (or 21 in some places) you shouldn't be reading this. Turn back now, and look forward to the day that you can legally read my ramblings.
Also, the central theme in this story is a love affair between two males. If this subject matter offends you, then you probably shouldn't be here either.
That said, I hope you enjoy my story. Read on.
This will hopefully be an ongoing story (depending on how much interest there is for it), but I thought I should spend this prologue just outlining the characters, and how I came to write it in the first place. I warn you, the descriptions begin when the characters are 15, however this will NOT be a "High School" story. After the preliminaries are over, the actual relationship/sex will occur when the characters are age 20. Don't worry, those 5 years will be covered quite quickly, so you won't have to wait TOO long.
I've called this "The love that never was", because basically, it never was (funny that). I'm writing it as a "what-if" story- what would happen if one of my best friends, the guy of my dreams, who has the unfortunate affliction of being 100% heterosexual, felt for me the way that I feel for him.
Anyway, enough of that. I hope you enjoy Robbie :)
The love that never was: Chapter 1.
I met Andrew during my first day at boarding school in Year 9. He, along with the other students, had known each other for a few years. I, on the other hand, was starting fresh- I'd never met any of them before, and as a new scholarship student, and son of working class parents, felt quite out of place at one of the most prestigious and expensive schools in the country.
At that early stage, I don't even think I was sure that I was gay, but seeing Andrew certainly pushed my mind in the right direction. Even at 15 he was the most gorgeous guy I'd seen- about 5'8", slim and toned, but not overly muscular. He had a fantastic tan and physique from playing sports, and carried himself with a certain quiet confidence. Despite his fantastic body, it was his face that really caught my attention. He had (and still has) the cutest face I've ever known. Clear hazel eyes, with distinct dark flecks within them, a well-shaped nose and chin, a strong jaw and the first signs of approaching stubble. And then, he smiled. Just a quick, cheeky grin in response to one of his friend's jokes. Those few seconds, however, are etched in my memory forever- the way his smile lit up his entire face made me promise myself that I would meet this boy.
I'd been standing in the Boarding House common room, listening to the Housemaster, Mr. Horus, give his standard "Welcome to the new year" address to the group of students when I saw him smile for the first time. I was so intoxicated that I barely even heard Mr. Horus say my name, introducing me to the rest of the students. I snapped out of my trance just in time to give a feeble smile to the group of 50-odd boys aged between 14 and 18. After Horus left the room the boys started talking louder, catching up on the stories of the Christmas holidays. Slowly, the boys in my grade approached me and started introducing themselves.
-"Hi, I'm Jimmy"
-"I'm Lyell, how're you going?"
-"Hey man, I'm Andrew. Hope you like it here. It's not too bad once you get used to it."
I stood there, trying to take in names, and not stare at Andrew, when I finally replied, "Hi. I'm Robbie. It's nice to meet you guys. So what do we do now?"
-"Well, it's almost 9.30, so we have to get to bed. School rules", one of the others said. I can't remember who it was exactly- I think all the people I'd met (besides from Andrew of course) started to blend into each other at that stage.
I followed the group of boys up the stairs to the open dorm, sleeping 16 boys. I was wondering where we went to get changed for bed, until I noticed the other boys shedding their clothes freely. Apparently years of dorm living meant that inhibitions flew out the window- definitely something I was going to have to work on. From a purely voyeuristic point of view, however, I couldn't complain. 15 other boys all getting naked in front of me, without even worrying about the others watching. The compulsory sport and PE had obviously worked wonders with these boys. Sure, there were a few who were nothing special, but for the most part these boys should have been marked "instant hard-on". Being in the younger dorm, the boys around me were between 14 and 16, mostly tanned after the summer holidays. Body shapes ranged from beefy rugby types to the slimmer athletes; hairy chests and legs, to smooth hairless bodies; penises of all shapes and sizes- a sea of sexy young guys surrounding me, all gorgeous in their own way, but I could barely keep my eyes off Andrew. Even in the few quick glimpses I could secretly take, I memorised his entire gorgeous form. If I was smitten before, then I was completely in lust now. His body was deeply tanned all over, except from a small white patch where he wore his shorts. His uncut penis was about 4" long and soft, buried in a sexy patch of dark curls which extended up into a thin ab-trail. His smooth chest only served to accent his dark little nipples, and I caught a glimpse of dark hair as he lifted his arms to remove his shirt. As he turned around to grab his boxers, I saw his butt, and one word ran through my mind- perfection. Lily white, hairless skin, stretched smoothly over two flawless round cheeks. Believe me, when I finally got to sleep, it was that butt that inhabited my dreams.
I woke up the next morning, and quickly began the routine of showering and dressing in front of a group of other boys. As I expected, my inhibitions about being naked around them took some time to get over, but eventually I did get used to the whole situation (it did take a while to learn how to "control myself" in the shower though.) Over the same period of time the boys, who at one stage had blended all together, took on their own personalities, but even after my immediate lust wore off, Andrew still shone out. He was always there when you wanted to have a good time, always there for a laugh or a joke. On the other hand, he was also one of the only guys who I felt comfortbale enough around, in those first months, to talk more seriously with. Whether you had a problem with school, teachers, parents, or friends, you could always count on Andy to say the right thing, and keep it in absolute confidence. As the months wore on, I looked at Andrew less as an object of lust, and more as a close friend (who just happened to be gorgeous). By the time it came for us to go home for the Christmas holidays, I knew that I had settled in to my new life, and was secure in my network of friends, but I also knew that I would miss them terribly.
Over the next few years I grew attached to all of the guys I lived with, in one way or another. A bond developed between myself and Andrew, however which was unlike any other friendship I had had. Just as my view of him changed from lust to friendship earlier, I realised over time that my feelings had turned from friendship to something much deeper. I watched intently, hoping for some sign that he felt the same way about me, but I saw nothing. Even when he was comforting me in times of sadness, it never seemed like anything more than friendly, almost brotherly, affection. After four of the best years of my life, it was time to complete our final exams and leave school. I had convinced myself that I would tell him when we were ready to leave- at least if he completely rejected me I wouldn't have to see him every day anymore. Still, I couldn't tell him. The thought of Andrew, who I truly considered one of my best friends, hating me or feeling uncomfortable around me was too much too risk; I just didn't want to jeapordise our friendship.
About six months passed after the end of school and it looked as though we had lost contact. The distance between our two cities, coupled with university and work commitments made it incredibly difficult to keep in touch. One night, I was busy with a Law assignment when an ICQ instant message popped up:
-Robbie, is that you? It's Andrew.
I had to hide my sheer delight from the others in my room, and pretend that this was just another friend messaging me. On the inside however, I was almost bursting. I honestly think thats a pretty reliable way of telling if you're in love- when there doesn't have to be anything sexual at all; when just seeing someone, hearing their voice, or in this case seeing their typed words on a screen makes you weak at the knees. I was like that with Andrew- just being near him made me content and at ease. I really thought I'd lost him over the last 6 months, and now that we'd found a way to keep in contact, I was determined not to lose him again. It turned out that Andrew had only just received his new computer from his parents, but once he did we were often trading emails and icq messages, and I felt happy again just having him back in my life. And then came September 15th 2000...
As most of you know Sydney held the Olympic games in 2000, and it was quite a big deal for most people here in Australia. Andrew's parents held an Opening Ceremony party at his house, and he invited me to come. I can still remember how nervous I felt on the way to his house. Would we still be as comfortable around each other? Would I still be able to hide my feelings for him after a few drinks? It'd been about 10 months since I'd last seen him, would I still have feelings for him at all? In fact this last thought kept running through my head over and over. I knew it would be EASIER if I didn't feel the way I did about him; maybe after months apart I'll realise that his smile doesn't make me weak at the knees anymore, and I was making more of my feelings than they were worth- absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.
That thought though was blown out of the water as soon as he opened his front door, saw me, smiled, and pulled me into a big hug. In those few seconds I fell deeper and harder for him than I had even at school. Yes, his smile still drove me wild and just feeling him pressed next to me made me realise that this was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. I let him go and mingle with the rest of his guests, and I did the same, mostly just chatting to people I knew, catching up on stories of the past 12 months.
Throughout the course of the night we chatted, drank, watched the amazing Opening Ceremony and generally had a great time. Eventually, everyone else had gone to bed, and it was just Andy and I sitting in his spa talking. I longed to touch him, to feel him next to me, but I enjoyed simply talking with him just as much. Again, I realised that my feelings for him were the real thing. Sitting there in the hot water we managed to laugh, joke, reminisce about old times, and silly things that we had done and then talk about politics, law, and travel- I could really talk to him about anything and everything.
At about 5am, the alcohol, tiredness and hot water became a bit too much and we decided to go to bed. Seeing as everyone else had retired hours ago, the only place to stay with disturbing everyone was, you guessed it, Andrew's room. So, i slept (eventually) on a mattress on his bedroom floor. Before I fell asleep I had to endure the torture of listening to him breathe, knowing he was right next to me and this was precisely where I wanted to be forever, but that I could never be with him.
Now why, I hear you ask, didn't I try something- I was sleeping in his room, we'd both been drinking, he'd been friendly all night etc. Even in my drunk state I realised that I was more in love with this gorgeous 18yo than ever, and there was no way I was willing to jeapordise our friendship. Like I said before, even without the sexual element, just being friends with him and knowing that he's close is enough to make me happy. The things I love about him are the things he gives freely, without needing to be in a relationship- his smile, his laugh, his advice and support- and for the moment, just having them was enough. That didn't mean that I didn't spend the next few months cursing myself, wishing I'd tried something with him, feeling depressed that I wasn't with him.
We managed to stay in contact through email and icq over the next few months, running into each other coincidentally in Sydney a few times as well, and then in January 2001 we went through a very difficult time together, involving one of our friends (which I'd prefer not to write about), but all I know is that when we turned to comfort each other at the same time, holding each other, crying onto each others shoulders, it felt right. I couldn't bear to see him in pain, and I just wanted to make him feel better any way I could, and having his arms wrapped tightly around me comforted me more than anyone could ever know.
When the university year started a month later distance separated us once again, as we went back to our everyday lives still keeping in touch. Then Andy dropped his bombshell- he'd decided to take six months off and travel through America, starting in July. I knew what this meant- NO chance of seeing him, and very few phone calls. It turned out that even emails were few and far between because of his constant travelling, meaning that he is very rarely at a computer, and when he is he always has heaps of people to write to, so long, personal emails are out of the question. The few emails and postcards I have received have always brought a smile to my face though. We finally organised a time for a phone call about a week ago, and just hearing his voice, hearing his almost childlike enthusiasm for his travels, kept me on a high for days. The smile on my face must have said it all. One of my friends came up to me the day of the call, and said,
-"What's up with you? I haven't seen you this happy in weeks. You've been talking to Andrew, haven't you?"
I honestly didn't think I was that transparent, but apparently I am.
I realise now though, that I can't keep going like this. As much as I love him, and as much as his voice can pick me up out of a rut, it's not enough anymore. For one thing, I'm in the rut BECAUSE of him. I can't stay in a relationship with any guy, because I always end up comparing them to Andy, and they lose. So I've decided that no one relationship should mean that I stuff up the rest of my life- I'm not allowing myself to miss out on other, potentially rewarding relationships anymore, on the off-chance that Andrew has feelings for me. And so, when he returns from America in six weeks, three days and 14 hours, I'm going to confront him. I'm going to tell him how I feel. If he reciprocates, then I'll feel like an idiot for wasting the last six years, but at least I'll have my man. If he doesn't feel the same way, then I'll feel like an idiot for my major case of unrequited love, but at least I'll have my life...
------------------------------- AUTHOR'S NOTE:
All of the events in this chapter are TRUE. These things did indeed happen, the only changes are the names involved. I'm sorry to have rushed through 6 years of my life in one chapter and 16K, but I'm really looking forward to actually writing the romance part of the story. I understand that I haven't put much detail in here, but if anyone's interested maybe I can find somewhere to slip them in later chapters.
Speaking of later chapters, they're up to you. Although this is a labour of love for me, I won't bother posting if no-one's going to enjoy it. So please, if you have any comments (good or bad), suggestions, questions etc. email me on aushotty@yahoo.com so I at least now that people are out there reading my work
Hopefully I'll hear from you soon, so I can get the next chapter started...the confrontation, the suspense, the romance, the sex...all coming up in chapter 2 of "The Love That Never Was"
Cya Robbie :)