Love Song

This story is complete and utter fiction - 100% fantasy. All main characters, environments and locations are fictitious. Any resemblance to people alive or dead is purely coincidental. All famous names are added for the story line and provide no assurances of approval or condemnation to the subject of gay sex.

That over with this story is a love story between two men of consenting age and contains sex descriptions of a gratuitous nature. If this story, or your reading it, is illegal or offensive then you are directed to delete it immediately.

If you got this far then either your persistent and on your own or this just might be `right up your street'.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Acknowledgements, critiques, flames or any other email can be written directly to romanticiser@geocities.com.

Love Song

Romanticiser 1998.

Part 7

Chapter 6: Move closer.

I was standing at a birthing pen, a rake in my hand, staring into space, my mind empty of thoughts when my mum opened the door of the shed and called me to the phone.

Leaning the rake against the pen I glanced at my watch, it wasn't quite nine. Surprised by how much time had slid by whilst I had vegetated, I wondered who could be calling me this early and followed my mum back to the house.

Opening the rear door I picked up the cordless phone from the shelf just inside the door and sat on the stone step. "David here."

"Oh Hi Dave it's Craig. I'm sorry to ring so early."

I laughed. "Early? I've been up for hours."

"Oh yeah, sorry. I just got torn apart by John for waking him up to get your number."

"What's up."

"I've got to call the session off, I can't get the hall."

"Why? What are we going to do now?"

"I really don't know. I usually can get the keys from Alex, he's my brother, any time I want but some aerobics class has got it this afternoon. What's worse is that they're booked up for the rest of the week too, some antiques fair or something."

"Jesus! What do the others say?"

"I haven't called them all, I can't get hold of Michael and Martin, until dinner time anyway."

"Well, call me if you come up with something."

"OK. I will, bye."

"Bye."

I pressed the talk button ending the call. I sat there depressed, swearing at the world. "Shit, shit, shit!"

"David, watch your mouth."

In my despondency I'd forgotten my mum was there sat on her usual stool in the kitchen. "Sorry Mum." I turned to watch her stringing beans, her hands confidently moving with the pairing knife. Peeling long strands along the bean, snipping into the other end and peeling down the opposite side. A quick finish with swift slices and the cut bean fell to join the others already done.

Without looking up she said "Instead of sitting there under a thunder cloud , why don't you put the kettle on and make us a brew." I pulled my boots off and carried them to the `clean' room. After washing my hands I went and grabbed the kettle off the aga.

"And you can take off your overalls as well. I'm not having you smell like that in here. It's bad enough having it come through the door but I'm not putting up with that."

Opening up a hot plate I put the kettle on it and went back to the clean room. The mugs and teapot were ready, waiting for the water when I got back. I sat opposite her at the breakfast bar the strong fresh smell of beans assaulting my nose.

"Now you can tell me, what has got you so upset."

"You know we're in London on Friday with the record company." At her nod I continued. "Well we need a few songs for them and we can't get the rehearsal hall, it's being used for the rest of the week." At the quiet whistle from the kettle I stood up and walked to the cooker and gripped the kettle's wooden handle waiting for it to `sing'.

"Isn't there anywhere else you could rehearse?"

"I don't know, they're stumped as well and they probably know all the places, I don't."

"What sort of place do you need?"

"Someplace where we can be as loud as we want without disturbing anyone. It needs to be warm, have electricity, I don't know what else."

"Have you thought of the old shearing shed in Gambler's Field. That is far away from everyone, it has electricity and heating."

The shed was perfect. I remembered playing around in it when I was a kid. It was maybe half the size of the hall and had plugs all down one side. Four large hot air blowers hung from the vaulted roof over the drying area and although they were extremely noisy they put a hell of a lot of heat out.

The whistle of the kettle turned to a scream and I poured the boiling water into the teapot.

My thoughts raced over the possibilities, there was even a bathroom fastened onto one end of the building. It was part of the quarters for the sheep shearers.

"It'll need a good clean out, but if you all put your backs into it you could have it useable in a couple of hours."

My spirits lifted, I kissed my mum's cheek. "Your a godsend Mum, I love you."

Smiling she said "Well at least it got you out of that funk -- don't forget to close the aga dear." and picked up another bean.

..............

The expected clouds of dust never arose, as I pulled open the door into the shearing shed. Tony, Craig Michael and Martin were coming to look at the place. We walked into the musty gloom. The light from the open door illuminating a space surrounded by darkness. Remembering my days of childhood I turned to Craig "Can you turn on the lights, it's the large yellow handled switch box down that wall."

As Craig went looking Tony and Michael wandered into the centre of the room. Martin was stood beside me, well I wasn't sure it was Martin but that was the name printed on his boiler suit. He turned to me "What was this place, its huge."

"Before my Dad bought this farm, it used to be a slaughterhouse farm." At his disgusted look I suddenly understood his thoughts. "No this wasn't a slaughterhouse." Tony rejoined us as I continued to explain. "Look it's very simple. Farmers all over the country sell their stock to the slaughterhouses that give them the best price. This usually means that the farmer then has to transport the animals across the country." I paused, "But the slaughterhouses can't handle entire herds at a time so they rent land at local farms to store them."

"This farm used to hold all the sheep and lambs for one of the slaughterhouses in Chester. The farmer who rents the land also gets the wool as part of his payment. That's what this place was going to do, they purpose built this place for shearing the sheep before they were taken. Unfortunately the bottom fell out of the market for mutton and the Chernobyl accident finished them off." I laughed humoured by a sick joke. "Nobody wants to eat meat that glows in the dark."

A creak and groan of straining metal sounded off in the distance and I turned towards the centre as the lights started coming on. "They never used this place at all."

Light after light in rows hanging from the roof glowed briefly before sparking into bright life. The illumination rose like waves as the darkness receded away from us. Eight large steel pillars supported a vaulted roof about twenty feet tall over a single room about one hundred feet by forty. Wooden lattice flooring ran to cover half of the room lengthways, raising the floor a few inches off the hard concrete. The large louvered heaters hung suspended from the roof joists over the raised lattice floor. The unpainted brick walls had no windows and was split in the middle by a pair of large steel doors a good twenty feet across.

Michael spun in the centre his arms outstretched and screamed, the peacefulness shattered by the half yodel, half blasphemy. With all eyes on him he stopped and waited, the sound stopped swallowed by silence.

"No echo. This place is great. All we need now is electricity."

Pointing to one end we walked over to the wall and I showed the eight double sockets mounted in steel cases with wires running in pipes along the wall and up into the roof.

Tony was stood under one of the heaters "Dave, what are these?"

"They're heaters! If I remember my Dad's description. "You may be shearing sheep on rainy days, and the wool will rot unless you dry it. That's what they're for."

"Do they work?"

"I don't know if the generator is still fuelled up." At his puzzled look I explained. "They take more power that the land line can give, so there is a generator in the shed under the shearers' rooms."

"You mean people lived here."

"No one did, but they were supposed to. They built a flat through here." I opened a doorway onto a stair. "There's a kitchen, bathroom, lounge and bedroom up there."

We all trooped up the stairs to the small apartment and went investigating. My memory seemed to be playing tricks on me the place seemed big and roomy, when I was a child, but in reality was small and cramped.

Tony looked at the other's "I like it. It's perfect!"

Martin, Michael and Craig agreed and the band now had it's own rehearsal hall.

..............

After hours of practising we didn't seem to be getting anywhere with the third song. The graceful melody seemed too slow for the arrangement and after constant restarts and shuffles we hit the proverbial `brick wall'

Daniel took off his guitar and turning to Jan he said "If you and Craig can't make up your minds then we might as well quit this one right now." Walking over towards the apartment door. "I don't know about the rest of you but I've had enough."

Leaving Jan and Craig talking we all followed him, packing into the tiny kitchen as he put the kettle on.

A shout of "David, your mum's here." Pulled me back down the stair.

"Hi mum."

"How's it going?"

"Not well, we can't get the arrangement right."

"Oh dear, well I'm sure you'll work it out. I was just coming to talk about dinner." I glanced at my watch it was gone six. "Will everyone be staying?"

"I don't know Mum, can you cope with another seven mouths?"

"I've already cooked for us all, it's just that if everyone is staying I'm going to need you to put the leaves in the table."

"Mum, you are and angel -- I'll go find out." Running up the stairs two at a time I called the guys. "Anyone fancy food, my Mum's cooked us a meal." At the eager smiles and grins I went down to ask Craig and Jan. Craig wasn't sure about staying and I pestered him into a decision. He asked if he could borrow a phone, he'd have to arrange for someone to feed his cat.

The walk across the fields in the cool evening air was refreshing, blowing away the cobwebs of a stuffy unsuccessful afternoon. We all talked about other things except Jan and Craig who trailed, us deep in conversation. My Mum talking to Tony and John. I was between Michael and Martin.

"How are you getting the time off for these sessions?"

One of them answered. "It isn't easy or cheap, we're supposed to be wiring the new Millennium Building." The conversation swapped from one to the other with dizzying regularity - as if they were just one person. "We've had to sub-contract the job to other electricians." "Not only are we not earning..." "but we're also paying out." "If this record deal goes through..." "then it will be worth it." "We can't take time off like Craig..." "or quit like Tony."

"Tony quit his job?"

"Yeah! It's been coming for quite a while..." "his manager has been trying to get him to work nights..." "and with John he won't do that."

Daniel tapped me on the shoulder and I looked over. "Dave?"

Looking into his green eyes made dark in the twilight I detected a concerned look. Dropping back to fall in step with him we followed Martin and Michael. "What's up?"

"I've got a bit of a problem and I was wondering." He paused "Well, I was wondering ... Is there any chance you can put me up for the night." My thoughts went into turmoil. `he wants to stay with me!' screamed through my head again and again. I must have paused too long. "I won't be any trouble. I was just hoping..."

"Of course you can stay."

"Thanks. It's just that I had a row with my photographer and she kicked me out."

Being on top of the world lasted no more than three seconds and then I felt kicked in the stomach.

..............

Part 8

There was a half hour wait before dinner, whilst the lad's settled themselves and relaxed in the family room avoiding the prim sitting room my mum offered them. I went to help my Dad finish off the evening's milking.

Getting out of the shower as my mum called everyone to the table, I quickly dressed and went down. Giving the band introductions to Harry, who had invited himself - again! We all spent a couple of minutes getting sat down, the discussions of who goes where and offers to help bringing food, wine and so on.

Dinner started in a quiet, slightly strained, uneasy air as the bowls, salt and pepper swapped hands. The way Tony acted and behaved towards John made it crystal clear that they were lovers and my Dad seemed to have trouble coping with it.

Mum and Harry chatted constantly to all of the band, keeping the quiet conversations going. She'd done us proud, the food was great. It wasn't restaurant cuisine, it was better, my mum's Yorkshire heritage coming to the fore.

The table seeming to sag under the weight of food arranged in the centre. Farming, like any manual work, generates a hearty appetite that doesn't want to muck about with lots of courses. Liking simple but good food in ample proportions, we didn't have a starter 'per se'. Each plate placed on the elongated oval table with large individual Yorkshire puddings filled with beef gravy.

In the middle of the table sat a large joint of roast beef, rare and red in the centre, surrounded by steaming bowls of crisp roast potatoes, glistening carrots and tender green beans.

As the meal progressed and everyone relaxed the conversations shifted around the table. My Dad relaxed and joined in. Politics, sport, music, family and the band were the main topics moulding themselves together into one huge long seamless conversation.

Craig and Jan still concerned with the music would briefly start a conversation with each other only to be shouted down by the rest of us.

I still had a couple of slices of beef on my plate when the smell of the pudding made me turn. "Great! Steamed syrup sponge and custard, one of my favourites."

Unused to having full meals there was chorus of groans as the pudding was placed next to the devastated bowls. Daniel who sat opposite me groaned the loudest. "Where the hell do you put it all? If I ate like you I'd be globular."

I laughed "Mum and Dad have been asking that one for years, would you believe hollow legs."

He laughed as well "They'd have to be, there isn't an ounce of fat on you." Surprised at his comment I looked up into his smiling face. His eyes sparkling "You'll have to show me how you do it. I spend hours at the gym trying to get my body to look like yours."

As my mind lost it's edge over his words, my Dad picked up the conversation. "Come work on the farm then, That'll build you up."

"I might just do that. Getting into great shape.." he paused and a sly smile spread on his lips as he added ".. and getting paid for it."

My Dad chuckled "Well we'll have to discuss that. For a fitness program it might be the other way around."

The conversation then turned into a crazy free for all with me, my mum and my dad one side, the band the other with Harry refereeing. Notions of who'd be paying and why swapping back and forth. Even Craig and Jan enthusiastically taking part in the insanity.

..............

Drinking coffee in the family room after the meal, we all talked about the song and why it didn't seem to want to be re-arranged. My Dad was the one who cleared it in one of his unusual sparks of genius.

"Why don't you change the music style of it, to something more suitable?"

To the looks of confusion and "Huh's?" he got up and started looking through the large boxes below the entertainment centre. After failing to find what he was looking for he turned to me "David have you seen my Tina Turner album."

"Yeah Dad, I've got it, I'll go get it" and I vanished away from his irritated look.

Putting the vinyl record on the conversation died as everyone listened. My dad perusing the sleeve looking for a particular track. He pressed a button on the front and the head picked itself up and moved further in. Dropping down in a gap, the speakers popped and there was a light scratching noise as the needle rode the groove.

The song started, in your mind's eye you could see Tina Turner strutting her stuff as she half shouted and half sang, Anger and resentment showing through the music and the sound of her voice. As the first verse came to an end, Jan and Craig were deep in muted conversation. I knew what this was, I'd heard it before but John and Tony seemed bemused.

I went and kneeled down between them, pushing them slightly apart "Don't you recognise it?"

Tony answered "I've never heard it before."

"Oh yes you have, I've sung it in the Hall." As my words filtered in you could see the dawning light break in his eyes as they widened up. "My god, it is isn't it?"

I nodded.

John was staring at Tony. "What is it?"

Getting up I told Tony "Don't answer, I'll play the other version."

Looking in the CD rack, I found my album, 'Love Eternal' and loaded the player. Pressing the button until track 8 showed, I pressed play and then flicked the output from turntable to CD.

The sound of Aswad playing boomed out from the speakers as I hastily turned the volume down. 'Don't turn around' was playing again, the beat, melody and lyrics the same, the rhythm was no longer heavy rock but a soft reggae and the emphasis was no longer anger and resentment but a pleading love song about breaking hearts.

John looked shocked and sat back, listening to it in a new way. "Struth! What a difference, they sound totally different."

Jan and Craig came out of their conflab, smiling as wide as can be. "We can do this. Reggae's wrong for us but in our style it should work."

Eager to go try it we all put our coats on and walked back to Gambler's Field. My mum and dad following along wanting to hear us play.

Kicking in the lights, we went over to the group of instruments. Daniel picked up his bass guitar from where it was leaning against the wall.

Craig issued instructions. "I'll start playing and let me have a few bars to see if I can get it right, Jan will join in with the melody and if you feel comfortable with it, start in. Let's play it as an instrumental first and " looking at me he continued "then you join in OK."

"Fine."

Craig standing at his keyboard started playing the song again. Exactly the same as this afternoon. Repeat after repeat, fiddling with the controls, getting the organ to play some of it's preset beats until it sounded 'South American', ethnic.

Satisfied he continued on playing his part as Jan, tapping his foot, following the rhythm and beat started playing his pipes.

The music had always been slow and hopeful, but now it was hauntingly serene. Daniel started playing his bass, thrumming on each major chord, picking up the flow. Martin and Michael looked at each other and seeming to come to some agreement without words started to join in, playing what Jan played but a few notes behind. As Jan played the main signature melody one of them stopped and then picked out his notes with him emphasising his melody as the other carried on one bar behind.

I hadn't spotted Tony and John sitting down at their drum kits but when they added beats into the rhythm they melded into the song and it was now more like something the first Inca king could have serenaded his queen to.

As the song came to an end Craig looked at me. "Ready to Go?"

I nodded and he started again. I let Jan, Michael and Martin start and then as the melody finished one verse I started to sing the words concentrating on the music sheet.

'When I fall in love,

it will be forever.

Or I'll never fall in love.

In a restless world,

like this is.

Love is ended,

before it's begun.

And too many moonlight kisses,

seem to cool in the warmth of the sun.

When I give my heart,

it will be completely.

Or I'll never give my heart.

And the moment I can feel,

that you feel that way too.

Is when I fall in love with you.'

Looking up from the sheet as the band carried on playing two verses before I sang again I saw my mum and dad slow dancing, pressed together tightly swaying in time with the music.

'And the moment I can feel,

that you feel that way too.

Is when I fall in love with you.'

Swaying gently they kissed as my voice finished the words. Separating slowly to stand in front of us. My mum had tears in her eyes "That was beautiful."

My mum and dad walked back to the house as we ran through the song again and again. Drilling it into our heads. Craig locked his organ into record and had it play it repeatedly as he took some music sheets and wrote down the arrangement we had created. Even though the words and timing hadn't changed I had to re sing the song several times whilst he created the music for each of the members of the band.

It was gone twelve when we finished and everyone was getting tired as we called an end to the day.

John got up and started to unscrew the drum kit.

"Leave it John, We'll lock the doors and they'll be there tomorrow."

"I suppose so."

Craig looked shattered, I felt drained. I was sure we all could do with sleep and they still had a 35 minute drive back to town. Or maybe not. "Why don't you all stay the night, there are the two beds in there and there's two spare double beds and mine up at the house."

"Can we? Are you sure your Mum and Dad won't mind."

"Oh, don't worry about that. Of course you can stay. I'll get some bedding for those two beds."

Walking out into the darkness I crossed the fields to the house. When I entered mum was readying for bed. Dad was already asleep as he was milking the cows at 4:00. "Mum is there any chance they can stay tonight. Otherwise they'd have to drive back to Chester. It would be gone one thirty before they get to bed."

"Of course they can stay, I don't know where you'll put them all."

"I was thinking of two at the shed and two in each of the spare rooms and mine."

"You'll have to check out the single bedding, I haven't looked at it in months."

"OK. Mum, night .. and thanks."

"Night Dear."

I went and checked the spare rooms. They were fine, ready for a surprise visit. My mum came from a big family and any or all of them would turn up 'en mass' with little or no warning, so the rooms were always kept ready.

The airing cupboard's slatted shelves were stacked with linen and finding the bedding for Gambler's Field took a little time. So that when I got back to the shed, it was dark and empty, a solitary light shining down the stair from the little flat.

Joining the band I found them drinking coffee and relaxing after an evening of intense work. Playing may not sound like much but it can still tire you out, they mostly looked half asleep already.

"It's OK. For you to stay ... now all we have to do is sort out who goes where."

Tony piped up "That's not hard. John and I'll go in one double, Michael and Martin in another, Daniel can go with you and Craig and Jan can stay here. They'll probably be talking for the next couple of hours any way."

Everyone seemed fine with that - except me. I didn't voice my concerns, well not in front of Daniel. As we walked back, leaving Jan and Craig making their beds, I got talking to Tony keeping my eye on how close Daniel was. "Tony - why Daniel with me." I was nervous and it showed in my voice.

"Take it easy, Dave. You don't have to do anything. You aren't going to rape him you know. Just relax, it's one night. If you don't start anything then nothing will happen!" Just as I started going through that and losing my nerves he pulled the rug from under me with a grin and "Of course if anything does happen, it'll be with the right person."

I entered the house finding that the familiarity didn't ease the trepidation I felt.

..............

Part 9

Chapter 7: As long as you love me.

Time was running away, It was getting closer to the time when Daniel and I would be getting into the same bed. Knots constantly twisted and turned in my stomach, feeling at times like I wanted to either throw up or run away. It was fear, I felt hot, prickles on the back of my neck where the heat was reflected back by my shirt collar. Getting on stage and singing in front of thousands of people hadn't been this bad.

We all climbed the stairs and walked along the circular landing. Passing the first door which was my parents I put Michael and Martin in the second, skipping past the airing cupboard I directed Tony and John in the next and Daniel followed me to the last - mine.

Opening the door into my bedroom with Daniel one step behind me, I quickly turned on the light and carried on down the narrow corridor passing the en suite bathroom. The pale walls reflecting the light from further ahead, the view of my wardrobes disturbed by the one door I left open earlier.

The Varnished pine cupboards ran down the wall, tall doors topped by a large cupboard above. As we walked into the room more of the bed appeared. I again blessed my mum, she must have changed the bedding just before retiring. Sat against the right hand wall It's wooden headboard curving from one side to the other. The walls and carpet and duvet a pale, washed out blue. On the far side of the bed stood the bookcase, Hi-fi and my old writing table under the large window.

Daniel stopped as I walked over to the window and started to pull the curtains. "This place is huge."

Smiling but inside feeling sick to the stomach "Why don't you use the bathroom first whilst I go and see if the others are OK." I had to get myself out of there I couldn't take much more.

"Great - I could really use a shower." He opened the door and stood half in one room and half in the other. The dark blue and white tiles stark in the bright electric light.

Petrified, I tried to control my walk, inside my head I screamed at my body 'don't run'. The knots loosened a little as I passed Daniel, I had pushed back the event, a minor reprieve.

I knocked on Tony and Johns door, and after hearing a faint "come in" I opened it and walked in. The room arrangement was almost identical to mine but it was a rich green. There was some one in the bathroom I could hear the shower running, the sound muted and staccato.

"How is everything? Just checking to see if you've got all you need."

"Yes were fine." said Tony, he was faced away from me, bare from the waist up, his shirt lying on the bed in front of him. He turned and I could see fine hairs running around on his chest. "How are you getting along with Daniel?" and he grinned.

My knots returning, reminded of what was to come. "I don't think I can sleep in there. I'm scared stiff."

He laughed "Well that's one way of putting it I suppose."

At my pained look, he walked over to me, "Calm down, I didn't mean it. I remember my first time - I know what your worried about. Try not to think of him that way, Come on sit down."

He led me to the bed and I sat down, "Look it's not easy, I know but your in my room, sat on my bed with me only half dressed and your not nervous - are you?"

"No, but--"

"There aren't any buts, treat him like you would me or John or anyone." He sat beside me holding my hand, gently cupping it in his. "You fear what might happen, will he like you, will you upset or anger him." He did know what was running through me. "We've all been through this, everyone has, the first is always the hardest and you're going to have to face it."

As the shower stopped, I stood up. "Thanks Tony, I'll leave you two alone." I walked out of the room hearing the bathroom open as I closed their door.

I had to face this, there wasn't any getting out of it. Steeling myself, I walked back into my room, the knots returning, but determined to go through with it.

Daniel had obviously taken a very quick shower, he was stood by the bed, a towel wrapped around him. He looked at me and smiled as I walked in. His hands were raised up and behind him, his hair stretched tight over his head, the long red ponytail flicking backwards and forwards as he put the elastic band over it.

His chest was pale, a slight tan, his stomach was flat with slight indentations of his abdominal muscles, an almost invisible line of red hair climbed from below the towel to end halfway up his chest, meeting fine red hair scattered about the top. His nipples, proud as the water evaporated from his skin, standing in dark pink circles. Freckles on his neck across the tops of his shoulders becoming more faint the lower I looked. His lats extended by his raised arms highlighting the V shape of his torso and the slight red hair in his armpits.

His feet were angular, almost cranked where the big toe joined his foot, a single bright line of hair ran down his calves from the water run trailing hair together.

"Like what you see?" I must have been staring, Shocked I tried to respond but stupidly stammered my way through an apology.

"Don't worry about it. I have people staring at me all day, I'm used to it." He laughed "I use to do male modelling for the university a few years ago. There I'd be stark bollock naked, stood or sat in some stupid pose for hour after hour, surrounded by large numbers of artists drawing or painting."

My face red from embarrassment, I made a hasty trip to the bathroom. The image of his naked body burned into my mind. Breathing deeply, leaning over the wash basin I tried to calm myself. Turning the shower on I started to undress. My jeans were difficult to remove, I was hard, harder than I could remember. Had he seen it. Oh God, I hoped not.

I twisted and turned the controls trying to get the water warmer, the heating system failing to cope with everyone's shower. Avoiding getting my hair wet and unhappy in the tepid water I quickly washed myself and rinsed in the now cooler water. The sooner I was out the better.

Getting out of the shower, I looked for the towel, Damn, I had forgotten to get another. Daniel had taken the only large towel, there was only a small hand towel left.

Grabbing it off the rail I started at my neck and rubbed my front down. Pulling it tight behind me I rubbed it across my back and down to my bottom, bending over I quickly finished my legs.

Stretching the towel to cover as much of me as I could I slid back the bolt on the door. Opening it I found Daniel lying on top of the bed, the towel still wrapped around him. He turned to look as I entered the room. He stared scanning me from head to foot and back again, probably the same as I had done to him.

I could feel a tingle in my groin, I had to move, get out of his sight, Quick. Walking to the other side of the bed I sat down on it. My back to him, trying to resist the pulses that brought an erection ever closer.

Daniel rolled on the bed and laid a hand on my shoulder, I flinched at the contact his voice soothing and quiet. "I make you nervous?"

I couldn't answer, the feel of his warm hand on my damp skin, soft and reassuring. I nodded. His hand slowly rubbed across to the back of my neck and my head went back enjoying the feel.

"Your tense, the muscles are all knotted together." I felt him move, the bed rocking slightly from side to side. His other hand touched my right shoulder and ran joining the other at my neck. Deep pressure from the thumbs rotating by my spine as the fingers dug into my neck. I instinctively tightened up. The bed rocked again and I could feel the heat from his body only a few inches away. "Relax will you! You'll feel better, I swear it." My ears telling me he was slightly behind and higher. The massage continued, I relaxed slowly, his strong and gentle hands moving outward pressing into my shoulders. He felt for tenseness, and told me what he was finding. Delighting in the feel of his hands and the warmth of his body I relaxed even more, losing the thread of his conversation about muscle groups as I floated into a peaceful drowsy state.

When his arms went around me and I could feel his chest against my back I almost jumped. His voice quiet and close was almost eager "David, I'll understand, if you don't want to, but I'm bi and I'm hoping you are too?"

I didn't answer, I didn't need to, his hands had started to move about my chest and gently running across my nipples again and again. I groaned, the tingle unbelievable. My head back, resting on his shoulder as he looked down my body, his hand never stopping.

Gently pulling with his hand on my side I turned and sank onto my back. His hands never leaving me alone. I didn't want them to. My eyes closed, luxuriating in the feel of his hands as he closely surveyed me. "I'd love to have muscles like yours." He traced his fingers over my abdomen, running lower and lower. My hands relaxed at my side weren't holding the towel and my stiffness was clearly evident. His fingers lightly ran under the edge of the material and I shivered at the feel.

His hot breath, touched my skin and I looked down to see his head descending to my chest. The weight and heat of his head lying on my chest sending me out of the world. His hands, one on my arm the other on my leg, rubbed in rhythm. A flick on my nipple brought my awareness back. His hot tongue extended and flicked it again. My body was trembling beneath him, I couldn't seem to breathe, gasping for breath. His hand rode up my leg and fingered the inside of my thigh. I brought a hand up and stroked his hair. He moved and his lips teased my skin as he moved to the other nipple.

His hands left me briefly as his mouth pulled my nipple in to the wet furnace, his tongue rubbing, teasing and flicking all the time. My towel was moved and the cool air met my flushed skin. A hand high on the inner thigh pulled my legs open and I felt his body pressed along it.

Nothing could have prepared me for this, I could feel my muscles tensing and relaxing all over my body, my hips lifting totally out of my control. Daniel pulled his head off my chest and I instantly missed it. He seemed absorbed and intent on his own actions, he never looked at my face, I wanted to see his jade eyes, to drink from those pale lips.

I moaned and my hips rose as Daniel suddenly sucked the top of my cock, flooding me with intense pleasure, almost more than I could handle. The pleasure he was giving me, sublime beyond measure, was pulling me quickly to the brink. In vain, I tried to hold back, to prolong the joy. His body humping against mine as I struggled with myself. My hands on his head, there by their own volition.

Failing to hold on the pressure rose, the pleasure too much. I screamed at the loss of control, my hole body jerking and thrashing as spasms gripped me. Violent pulses running up and down, my cock feeling like it was blowing apart. Second after second of ecstasy, agonisingly intense, colours, smells and all my senses generating an overload and then a falling away into darkness.

..............

Part 10

My senses returning, I found myself nuzzling into Daniel's neck. Slightly lower in the bed, both facing together, one of my arms behind me the other over his waist and lying against his back. His arms were around me, I was resting my neck on one and the other lay over my shoulder. The duvet down at his waist, bowing slightly as it crossed the gap to cover my ribs.

His breathing was even and slow, wafting in my hair, peaceful. I wanted to see his face but I thought I might disturb him and to be honest I was just as happy where I was. There wasn't any other place in the world I'd rather have been.

The feel of his heartbeat and the gentle rising and falling of his chest delighting me. Slowly so as not to wake him I straightened myself out, pressing my body against his. I felt him start to move, his breathing changing. I froze afraid that I'd disturbed him, his legs moved re-adjusting his balance and his arms tightened around me. A feeling of safety and love filled me that he pulled me closer. His arms relaxed and after a few shallow breaths he settled down back into that slow gentle pace. His mouth now angled and I could feel him exhale along the side of my face.

Comfortable that he was asleep, I relaxed my immobile muscles and let the lack of tension press us together, thigh to thigh and chest to chest. I found myself gently kissing his neck, my hand flat against his back. Even though I had never shared my bed with anyone else, this felt so natural. I pushed the thought, of it only being for one night, out of my head. This is how I wanted to wake up every day.

Thinking over the last night and how Daniel had brought me into the world of sex. I wanted more - with him. I could feel myself hardening at the thought, I wanted to give him the pleasure he'd given me. I wanted to make love to him, with him. Anything at all, as long as it was with him. The only person my heart had chosen for me.

I kissed his neck again and licked along the juncture of his neck and shoulder. His taste burning in to me, becoming part of me, a voracious hunger to taste him all over.

I had licked all I could reach, I had to move. My need balanced against my concern for his sleep, I licked again and again at his neck. He moved, I hadn't noticed him stirring. He rolled onto his back, I flowed with him ending up pressed against his side, my head resting on his shoulder. His arms thrown to the sides, mine across his stomach.

Free to move but waiting for his breathing to deepen I looked at his chest. seeing the fine red hairs bend and shiver as my breath passed them. My hand visible at the edge of the duvet, my fingers lightly touching his waist, the pale skin smooth and soft, apart from short fine invisibly blond hairs there was nothing to mar the perfection of him.

Lifting I propped myself up by the arm, free to drink in his beauty. His shoulders were about the same width as mine, but softened by the rise of muscles to a flaring neck, wide at the base but slender at the head. The skin a bright healthy pink at his chest fading pale to a translucent alabaster at the shoulders. The freckles invisible below becoming darker and more numerous above, at distance it would look more like a tan.

I couldn't stop myself if I had wanted to, I had to see all of him. My hand trembling in anticipation I gently lifted the duvet easing the change in temperature and pressure. Glad for once that the house's heating had come on early.

A narrow waist highlighted by the faint lines of the bottom ribs above and his hip bones below. Pale skin accentuated by thin red hair rising from a curly mass just visible below the duvet to fade out at a shallow navel only to reappear above it.

Lifting higher I had to sit up, moving the bed as little as possible. Curly hair, a brilliant red in colour topped a thick base dark pink in colour, About 3 and a half to 4 inches long, but at rest. Lying on his hip, pointing in my direction. The foreskin darker and crinkled at the end, the curvature of the head defined under the thin skin.

His thighs, white in his relaxed state, showed the muscles by faint bulges just below the skin. Smooth lines from his shoulders down to his knees, no blemish or mark discernible. I would have to move more to see further, I really didn't want to wake him. His gentle face, eyes closed, pale lips slightly parted, innocent in his slumber.

I lowered the duvet over his knees to keep him open to me and then I relaxed back down to rest myself against him. My head lower on his chest, leaning in from the side. I kissed his skin below the shoulder, the manly smell of him, musky and slightly acrid exciting me. I licked the skin delighting in the goose flesh that rippled along his skin. That bright pink circle of flesh called me, I remembered the feelings he gave me last night and I couldn't wait any longer.

I trailed my tongue along his skin to that nipple and caressed it with my lips. Sucking and teasing the tip with my tongue, loving the feeling of it stiffening and knowing that I was the cause. Daniel's breathing changed, getting deeper. I licked across his chest enjoying the feel of his hairs tickling the side of my tongue. His other nipple my destination, it started to rise before I even reached it. A lingering kiss and then I bathed it, flicking it steadily between my lips.

Heat touched my arm and I saw that 4 inches growing. Mesmerised at watching his cock grow, the only other one I had ever seen hard except my own. The skin slowly withdrawing back, revealing a purple head and tiny pink lips at the one eye. I could smell Daniel's need, an aroma that drove all sentient thought away.

I became an animal, driven to feel, taste and devour. Whether Daniel was asleep or not, my need was to pleasure him, to give him my love. There wasn't any fear of the new, or of failure, an instinct to give that pleasure was there. I lifted my head and pounced down, my tongue flat. I ran it down from the tip to the base. The taste bringing his need to me even stronger. Daniel moaned, hovering at the edge of his sleep.

The head was in my mouth, the tip of my tongue wild to touch it all. Stronger and stronger became my need as well as his. I started to suck tingling that place where all men are sensitive. Daniel was now awake his hands on my head. "Oh yeah! babe, suck it." The animal in me retreating with his words.

Still in thrall but now love driven I slowed my assault and increased the suction. "Oh yes! Keep it strong like that." His hands urging me to rise and lower on his shaft. I did eager to fulfil his needs. He moaned and his hips bucked up. I was getting uncomfortably full but I then lifted up and sank down as he humped. Again and again with increasing speed. "I'm nearly there babe! Ooooooh!" His moans teaching me how to give him more pleasure. Pressing my tongue into that soft tube and running up to the top, running around the flared head and pressing into the one eye all brought moans, each one louder and longer.

His hands gripping my hair tight held my head still as he bucked up and down. His cock getting larger and then spasms took him and pulses of Daniel filled me. I loved the taste of him, the essence of Daniel. I swallowed once, twice and the licked the remainder away as he sank back into the sheets. His hands relaxing and sliding off. Rising off him I looked at his face, eyes closed and a smile on his parted lips.

As he regained his breath, those thin lips intrigued me, I wanted to taste them as well. I leaned over his face and licked his lips. Surprised by his arms rising up and pulling me down, his lips parting even further. His tongue thrust into my mouth and I tasted heaven. I returned his caresses and slid my tongue along his enjoying the intimate contact. We kissed until I started to run out of breath. I pulled away and Daniel opened his eyes. His pupils wide open.

I had to tell him how I felt, how he had made me feel. I never got the 'I love you' out. His reaction was instantaneous.

Shock and horror crossed his face. "Jesus, I kissed you, what were you thinking, I'm not queer!" He rolled out of bed wiping the back of his had across his lips as if trying to wipe the taste of me off.

In desolate silence I listened to him as he pulled on his jeans

"I like a bit of fun, but Jesus, I like women, I'm not queer." A casual toss away line hurt me more than I'm willing to say "If you want that, go see Tony or John but not me."

Tears in my eyes, and a pain greater than anything I've ever felt in my chest. I grabbed my clothes from the floor and ran unable to take the pain any more.

In the downstairs loo I pulled my clothes on, uncaring about tucking in my shirt or wearing socks. I ran for the 'clean' room grabbed my coat and shoes. I saw my dad heading back to the house, Unable to face him or any one I ran to the other door. My dad called me but I didn't answer, the lump in my throat too much.

My dad had run into the house and called me from the kitchen door, Like a rabbit frozen in the headlights of a car, I stopped by the door. "David, what's wrong."

Above on the landing Daniel came out. "Here you wanted me well have these instead." and he threw down his boxers.

I was looking at my dad's face as the boxers flew down to land a few feet in front of him. His head shot up.

I couldn't handle it any more, my vision blurred by tears, I was out of the door and into my car. I drove off, hoping for oblivion.

..............

Part 11

Chapter 8: The air that I breathe.

The car rocked gently as another passed by closely, I stirred. Unwilling to face the world. I remembered his face, his words, the look on my dad's face. Shock and ..., I didn't want to face it but my mind ignored me and showed it again and again. A replay from Hell. Hatred - that is what I saw, hatred on my dad's face as he looked at me. I felt like crying but I was all cried out, numb to the horror that my life had turned into.

The thoughts of why and what if playing through my head, but re-runs plagued me. I shivered seeing and feeling that hatred in his eyes. What was there to live for. Dani.., his name was painful. the person I loved, despised me. My father hated me. I didn't have any friends to fall back on. I couldn't go alone either, I didn't have any money, not really. Oh God do you really hate me!

The tears came again, soft and slow, running down my nose and on to the car seat. I curled up as tight as I could and wanted to die. Being hated and despised by them didn't change the way I felt about them and that made the pain greater. I lay staring at nothing, not wanting to close my eyes or I'd see his face. A face framed in red hair - Daniel.

I don't know how long I cried but a dreamless sleep took me.

A tap on the window woke me. My eyes pained by the shine of bright light, a torch shining through steamed windows. The tap came again.

Numb I opened the window. Feeling the cold afresh. I shivered, a gust of wind making me blink dry eyes, gritty and sore.

"You can't stay here - move on." A voice gravely and cold, sounded above the car. The bright light shining in my face made it difficult to see. A stripe, a uniform - a policeman.

I tried to speak but my throat was dry, a croak was all. I coughed

"If you don't start your car in five seconds - I'm going to charge you. Now Shift."

I reached for the ignition and started the engine. Waiting a second or two whilst I turned the lights on and put the car in gear, I wiped the window. And the light wandered away behind me. I pulled out onto the road and started driving. I didn't know where I was or where I was going, but bright lights close behind me kept me driving. I checked the time, my wrist was bare, the dashboard clock said 11:30. The rush of air from the heater demisting the windows felt harsh in my throat, I felt parched.

The car lights behind turned off and I tried to work out where I was, what was I going to do. I slowed at a junction further ahead, the sign pointed to Tarvin, I took it. I was near Chester.

I thought of Tony & John, they'd help me. Knowing where I was going eased my mind a little, sure that I'd receive the help I needed.

An Esso garage ahead on my left, the tall sign lit up. I didn't need fuel - I needed a drink. I pulled onto the fore court and stopped the engine. Getting out, my muscles stiff and complaining. I hastily checked myself. Tucking my shirt in and running my hands through my hair. I walked towards the little hatch putting my hand in my pocket for money, empty.

I went back to my car and checked my coat. No money, no cards. Nothing of use. I checked the shelf of the car for my parking money, 75p. All I had in the world. I needed the drink - the cheapest.

I walked back to the little window. Trying to shout for milk my voice croaked and cracked but I got it through. I coughed, my throat feeling raw and abused. A quiet "36p" filtered through the glass and I placed my money in the drawer. The drawer retreated into the wall and my change and the carton appeared below.

I opened the carton, first with my fingers flipping the wings and failing with that, my teeth. The liquid was cold and swallowing was hard but it got easier. I drained the carton.

Heading back for the car I chucked it in one of the bins and got back on the road.

The road in front of Tony's flat had cars parked down both sides and I had to slalom and wait for other traffic before I could pass his building. There wasn't any light in the second floor windows. I pulled up in a space opposite a darkened shop and got out walking slowly back to the building. A large metal framed glass door barred my way and didn't move when I pulled the handle. Stepping back I spotted the call buttons and read the badly lit panel of names. I didn't recognise any of them and none began with T. Remembering the number 2a I pressed the button and waited. I stood in the doorway and looked up and down the street. Apart from the odd car sound and the flash of headlights there was nothing. I went and pressed it again, they might have been asleep. I waited and waited - nothing.

At a loss of what to do, where to go, I returned to my car. There wasn't any choice, I'd have to wait for them.

An hour later and getting fidgety, unsure of anything I saw movement, some people walking down the street. Was that them? The light in the entrance blocked by people, they were going in. I got out and ran towards them shouting Tony's name. One of them turned to face me - it was Tony. Relieved I ran closer, John appeared by his side. His arm on the shoulder of another man and then Daniel turned to face me.

'Oh God no - not them too'. I stopped and stared unwilling to believe. Tony started walking towards me "David?"

I turned and ran. Unable to take it again, my mind shot, I ran. The sound of running footsteps and their raised voices behind me, fading as I ran full tilt. Uncaring now, I was alone. There wasn't anything left.

I didn't spot the missing flagstone. The jolt surprised me and my foot caught on the next flag. tripping me and I windmilled my arms trying to regain my balance. The ground rose up to meet me and I fell flat, a shooting pain up my leg.

The sound of running, I tried to get to my feet, my left leg wouldn't bear my weight.

The running got louder and I looked down the street. One man alone chased me. At a corner a car's headlights silhouetting him, his ponytail whipping around as he checked the turn.

I looked for a way out. I pulled myself to the wall of a garden and toppled over it. Biting my lip to silence the scream of pain that threatened to reveal me.

I lay in a bed of soft earth, leaning against the wall, listening to the sound of steady paced running. As it approached I tried to merge with the wall's shadow, to be invisible, my fingers crumbling the dry mortar. Stopping breathing when I could hear his, ignoring the complaints and pain my body gave me.

He ran past.

Breathing again, and thankful I hadn't been found I rested my head on the cold hard stone. I went through my options, ending it was my first and third choice. My second choice wasn't long term.

..............

Part 12

A harassed nurse, blond wispy hair escaping from the hair grips holding the sharp creased paper hat, called "Mr. Tremain."

I lifted my hand and nodded to her, I started to stand, grating my teeth together as the pains shot up from my bare swollen ankle. Her white plastic apron flapping in the air, she approached me and putting one arm around my waist and pulling my arm across her shoulder said "Lean on me, don't put any weight on it."

Together we hobbled from the reception area to the examination room. Set in one wall, a large doorway led into a small room. Cream walls above a wide plastic bumper rail that ran around the room. Dark chocolate chipped paint below to the hard wearing carpet tiles, the same depressing colours. Along one side the bed was a well used bare metal gurney. A small table, trolley and two plastic, black tubular framed chairs the only other furniture or decoration. Leading me to the trolley she helped me to lie down. Saying "The doctor will be here in a minute." and checking her hat was straight she left.

The cold uncomfortable curved surface of the gurney and the absence of anything to read, look at or do opened my mind to the thoughts I had been shying from. What was I going to do? Where was I going to go? Why?

"That doesn't look good, I think we'll need an x-ray just to check the bones." I opened my eyes to see a tired craggy face topped by dark, slightly unkempt curly hair. An open white coat showing a white shirt and blue tie. The pocket bulging with pens and a bleeper, a small light flashing on top. A rectangular badge, white with red writing 'J. Longdale M.D.' The doctor rested his hands on my calf, pulling up my jeans and started probing and sliding down to my ankle, his cold fingers pink and well scrubbed. "How did you do it."

I raised myself up and leaned back against my arms. "I was running and didn't spot a missing flag stone" I couldn't control the cringe and flinching action as his fingers reached the swelling.

The probing went on. "Move your foot -- good! Toes -- good! Can you turn it--" My face felt hot and sweaty, the pains lancing up with each touch and movement. "I don't think it's broken, just a sprain -- but we'll have to have an x-ray, just to make sure." Pulling my jeans back down he continued "Just lie back and I'll send in a porter to take you to x-ray." He left pulling the door closed.

With no watch and no clock in the room, I couldn't tell you how long I was there. I lay back and closed my eyes trying to think of anything but the future, and the faces that led to tears. Finally the door opened.

"I should just knock your bloody block off!"

I looked over in shock. "Harry? What are you doing here." His face stern, worried.

His voice was acid, loud, critical. "Looking for you, you idiot. Do you know what you've put your family through -- your mum has been worried sick. Everyone has been out looking for you all day. Your dad and John have been driving to every hospital and police station for miles. If I hadn't forced him home two hours ago your dad would still be driving around, half dead. If Tony, John and Daniel hadn't spotted you, I wouldn't have got him to stay there."

At my stunned silence, he walked to the side of the gurney looking down at me lying there. "Well?"

Tears ran down my face, my mouth wouldn't work even if my mind was capable of thinking.

"Look you're going to explain this, if not to me then to them. They're on their way."

Speech that had evaded me suddenly crystallised. "No! I can't face my dad. Please--" losing words again I pleaded "Please!"

"Why not?"

Quietly, my voice robbed of strength "I can't tell you, you'd hate me too." Unable to look at him I closed my eyes.

He put his hands on my shoulders, leaned close and his voice quiet. "Why? Because you're gay -- I've suspected it for years."

My eyes opened wide in shock.

"Look, nobody hates you. We all know what happened last night." My face grew hot and I could feel the blush rise. Ignoring it he carried on. "Daniel seems like a nice bloke. He spent most of today in tears or talking with Tony. He's been worried sick too."

The sound of someone clearing his throat. "Excuse me but I've got to take someone to X-ray."

Harry and I both looked over to an oldish man, late 50's, grey swept back hair, wearing a dark blue uniform. Straightening up, Harry said "OK. here he is." The porter grabbed hold of the end rail of the gurney and kicked something below. Pulling the gurney away from the wall he started pulling me out of the door.

Harry's voice came from behind me. "Wait a second will you." The porter stopped and Harry walked around and faced me. "No more running. OK."

"OK. Harry."

"I think I'll have your car keys, it's not that I don't trust you, but I don't think it'd be a good idea for you to take them into X-ray. They're metal" He grinned and I reached into my pocket and passed him my keys.

..............

Chapter 9: Let's stay together.

My mum and dad were waiting for me in the reception area when the porter brought me back. They were talking to Harry surrounded by mostly empty chairs. When they saw me my mum rushed over, her face had tears running down it, her mouth and eyes were smiling but there was an underlying worry. She had obviously not slept, heavy dark bags hanging under her eyes, she wasn't wearing any make up and her hair didn't look like it had been brushed. She was just what I needed to see.

My eyes misted and I could feel tears again as she grabbed me and hugged me. "Oh David, David--"

"Mum--" I held on tight feeling the lump rise in my throat.

"Come on you two. You're embarrassing the porter." It was my dad's voice. My mum pulled away and my dad's tired but smiling face came into view. "Welcome back, we've missed you!" He put his arm around mum.

I searched his eyes looking for what I saw this morning - it wasn't there. I breathed easier. My voice barely more than a whisper "Hi!"

The porter pushed me back into the room and locked the gurney into position with his foot. He left rapidly as my family came in through the door.

A comfortable silence settled on us, until Harry said he had to go. Dad hugged him and said "Thanks!". Mum just hugged him close.

Turning to me Harry said "If you need to talk, walk or run!" he slapped me on my arm and smiled "See me first. OK."

"OK. Harry -- and Harry -- Thank you!"

He pushed his hands into his pockets and walked for the door. "Oh, before I forget - here catch." And he threw me my keys. "Bye." and he was gone.

After that we didn't talk much, nothing was spoken about this day, as if it had never happened.

The doctor returned with a nurse and the x-rays and proclaimed it a sprain. Whilst the nurse wrapped a bandage around my ankle for support. He told me to stay off it for a few days and gave me a small bottle of pills. "If the pain gets too much take two and then no more for at least four hours."

After thanking them both my dad offered me his shoulder and between the two of them we went home.

..............

I lolled about in bed after waking from the nightmare of the previous day, the odd twinge from my ankle unsettling my dozing. Drifting in and out of a cosy sleep.

"Well come on you can't sleep all day, it's gone one!" Opening my eyes I looked up into a cherubic face with a grin plastered from one side to the other. "I've got your coffee here. It's time you were up."

"Morning Tony."

"Morning? It's afternoon." He sat on the bottom corner of the bed "Here drink this. I pulled myself into a sitting position, arranging the duvet around me. I took the proffered mug.

"How's your ankle?"

I could tell he was skirting around something and I knew what it was.

"It's OK. Tony, just a twinge or two - not bad."

The silence unsettling I rushed in. "I'm sorry about yesterday, last night."

His face lost his smile "I'm just glad we got you back safe, you might have tried what I did." He lifted his arms and turned his hands back. I saw a glaringly white scar crossing each wrist.

"I thought about it. I don't know why I didn't."

Dropping his hands to his thighs as I sipped the hot coffee. His words questioning "That bad, huh?"

"I've lost Daniel, I thought I'd lost my dad too. I'll never forget the image of the two of them to the day I die."

"You need to talk about it."

"It hurts Tony, Dan.." My throat swelled shut.

His voice calm and quiet, soothing "Take your time. how did you wake up?"

"I woke up.. I woke up his arms. Oh God, Daniel!" The last part ripped out of me. Tony sat their silently watching me. Waiting for me. "He was holding me close. I woke up first. I didn't want to wake him. I, I" at a loss for words.

"Go on."

"I made love to him."

"What went wrong then. It's what you wanted, you just repeated what he did the night before." At my surprised look he carried on "I had a long talk to Daniel. Now what caused you to run."

"Then you know I..I kissed him."

"Yes but what made you run, Daniel wouldn't say."

"I upset him by kissing him, he said he wasn't queer and that if I .. if I" I took a deep breath and released it before I continued. "If I wanted that then I would have to see you or John."

Tony winced "What next?"

"I ran downstairs, Dad was coming in and he was in the kitchen door when Daniel threw his boxers down at me saying that I couldn't have him but I could have them. Dad looked up at me and I saw -- I saw hatred. I ran."

"Now I understand."

I sat in silence drinking the coffee, not wanting to look at him. He'd got up and paced the room. "David, yesterday, just after you'd left I was woken up by shouting and I found your Dad laying into Daniel."

Worry gripped me. "Is he hurt?"

"Which one?"

"Daniel!"

"So you still love him?" I hesitated and then nodded. "He's got a few bruised ribs, but he'll be OK."

..............

Part 13

Tony got of the bed and headed for the door, "I'll give you some privacy to get dressed, you've only got an hour before were due for rehearsal. The rest of the band are already at the shed."

Turmoil entered my thoughts. "Tony, I can't face them."

Tony stopped by the end of the bed and after pausing for a second "Them or 'Him'."

I dropped my eyes to the bed feeling hot and embarrassed "Him."

"Oh yes you can! You will! You can't run forever."

I looked into his eyes looking for an escape. His face wasn't hard and the smile was slight but the face and eyes would brook no excuses. Resigned to going through with it I asked "But what will I say?"

"Anything you want or nothing if that's what you want." He smiled. "Don't worry about it, he's probably more nervous than you are."

Tony then picked up the empty mugs told me to get ready and left with a warning. "I'm going to be camped out side this door so don't try running again."

I smiled "Aren't you afraid I might slice my wrists like you did."

His grin grew wicked "You can try! It might take you a long time. I've already checked, you could possibly grate yourself to death with your electric razor.". Walking down the little corridor he vanished from view but his voice came back as he opened the door. "You've got 10 minutes before I boot the door down.".

Although I could feel humour in his words I had no doubt that he would do it.

I threw back the duvet and pushed my legs off the bed. A shower was out - the bandage tight around my ankle wouldn't take it. Carefully standing on my good leg I leaned on the bedside cabinet. After straightening my boxers I hopped. Using the door, the shower rail and the loo I managed to get myself sat on the edge of the cold bath facing the wash basin.

I had almost finished washing when there was a loud knock on the bedroom door. Tony's voice shouted through the wood "Times Up!"

I shouted back "It's not easy, you know."

"Well get a move on! Your mum's made your breakfast and it's getting cold."

Rinsing out the flannel I shouted back. "Then I'm going to need help, I'm only halfway through."

"OK. I'm coming."

I heard the bedroom door open. "Are you decent?"

"Yeah, I'm in the bathroom."

Tony popped his head through the door watching me as I washed my left leg, avoiding the bandage. "What help do you need?"

"I'm nearly finished but I've yet to dry and get dressed. Can you get my clothes out of my wardrobe. Standing and getting around is a real bitch."

"OK." and he vanished. The sound of my wardrobes opening and shutting. "Jean's OK. Where are your T-shirts and stuff."

"End door - it's all shelves"

"OK got them."

I leaned over and grabbed a towel and started drying myself. Tony walked in and watched me finish and then clean my teeth. "Ready to stand?"

I nodded and folded the towel, hanging it over the bath next to me. I stood up. Tony walked over and putting his arm around my waist we shuffled and hopped our way back to the bed.

With Tony watching from the end of the bed I got dressed. "Can you reach my trainers? I don't think I could get into my shoes downstairs."

Tony looked around and found my trainers by the side of the writing table under the window. "Here you are."

"Thanks."

I put my trainers on and then holding onto each other we hobbled onto the landing. The stairs were easy, I slid down the banister rail just like I used to when I was kid. I waited for Tony at the bottom and we hopped our way to the kitchen.

"Hi Mum."

"Well I'm glad to see you're up. Your breakfast has probably gone cold." Her words a lie to the steaming plate of bacon and eggs sat on the breakfast bar at my normal place, surrounded by bottles of sauce, a plate piled high with bread and butter and a mug of hot coffee.

"Thanks Mum, it looks great and I'm real hungry." She smiled and carried on washing up the frying pan.

"Tony do you want another cup of coffee."

"Please Mrs. Tremain."

"I thought I told you to call me Anne."

"Sorry.. Anne."

We sat quietly as I stuffed my face. The lack of food from the previous day pushing my hunger to its limits and I ate the lot, except for one slice of bread and butter that Tony had nicked with a grin. He then left saying he was getting the car.

As I ate the last piece of bread I heard the car drive close to the kitchen. The engine died and I heard Tony get out and come back in. "Ready."

"OK." I placed my knife and fork on my plate, drained my mug and kissed my mum with thanks.

The drive was short although Tony had to get out and navigate a couple of gates.

I looked at the large brick structure getting closer with worry, I knew he was inside. Tony had made it sound glib but I knew it wasn't going to be like that, things rarely are. I had to face him, look him in the eye and know he wouldn't ever love me.

I dreaded meeting Daniel, to see his jade eyes, the tight red gold hair stretched over his head. To see the sway of his ponytail, to hear the sound of his voice. That I wouldn't be able to revel in his arms, to have him pull me close. To feel his heart beat next to mine.

My love was going to kill me slowly, piece by piece. A wrenching pain twisted in my gut. I felt sick, my mum's good cooking going to waste.

Tony drove past the main door and up to the small flat entrance at the end. "Think you can handle the stairs."

"Tony, I...."

"You're not backing out now, you have to face each other."

"But...."

Tony got angry. "Just get out - NOW!" He got out and walked around to my side, his anger cooling. He opened the door "This must happen, it's a sore that can't be allowed to fester - I know what happens if you don't."

Pulling me out on to my foot, his arm around my waist and mine over his shoulder. "David, a long time ago I made a mistake and made love to my best friend, he couldn't handle it and we ended up having a loud argument. His father heard and I ran, I couldn't face my best friend again. I damn near killed myself and ended up breaking my family apart..." He stopped and his words quietened down to a sorrowful whisper "Afterwards I found out that his father never believed him, never trusted him again. He ... " I felt a tenseness in his body give way "Terry killed himself." His last word almost silent and masked by the noise of the slight breeze in the trees.

Standing by the side of the car I hugged him to me as his body trembled. He gripped me tight his voice broken by rending emotion. "You've got to resolve this or you'll run and run, like I did. I've always regretted running and I won't let you run now.

Together we stumbled for the door, passing the generator shed. My thoughts of Daniel pushed off to the side by the quiet sorrowful Tony, his usual cheerful nature and bright eyes lost in the past.

Using the stair rails and Tony as a support I eased up the outside stairs and opened the door into the small kitchen.

John was stood by the little cooker, kettle in hand. When he saw us he pulled a chair out and I sank gratefully into it. Tony then wrapped his arms around John, pushing his face into John's chest. John rubbed his back and cooed into his ear.

I caught sight of a shadow by the door and turned to see Daniel stood quietly by the bedroom door. He wasn't looking at me and thankful of that I tried to store all of his features, to cement them in my mind.

John moved towards the outside stair "We'll leave you two here."

Daniel seemed as surprised as me and spoke first "What about the rehearsal?"

John turned to face us. "There isn't one today - I've managed to put the interview at Chrysalis off till next Wednesday."

Before Daniel or I could speak Tony looked up from John's chest. "There can't be an interview until you two have sorted this out. Just you two alone - and we're going to leave you here until you do."

Walking huddled and arms around each other they started down the stairs.

I sat there unmoving listening to the sound of their steps, the clicks of the car doors opening and the thuds of them shutting. When the engine started and the car moved away I turned and faced Daniel. He was still stood in the doorway, his eyes remote and staring.

The silence settled, neither of us seeming capable of breaking it. Seconds spanning into minutes and neither of us wanted to talk. The noise of the kettle grew louder to fill the void until its boiling and automatic shutoff snapped me out of it.

I struggled to my feet and upturned two mugs off the draining board. "Want some coffee?"

Like me he seemed to shiver and pull himself back in from where ever he was. "Oh! Yeah, thanks."

"How many sugars?"

"Two -- please"

I spooned in the sugar and the instant coffee, picking up the milk I poured it in and then reached for the kettle. I couldn't quite reach it and before I could move Daniel spoke "I'll get it, you sit down."

I sat down and watched him pour the water in and stir it. He turned one mug so the handle faced me and picked up his own. "Thanks"

Again the silence settled and Daniel walked toward the door and then deciding not to, turned by the wall and sank to the floor, leaning his back against the door jam.

I didn't want to break the silence but I couldn't live with it either. I watched his arm raise and lower and could see his Adam's apple rise and fall as he swallowed. Only to be stared at by troubled eyes when the mug cleared his face.

There was more in those eyes tan I wanted to see, I turned away. "I'm sorry Daniel."

"It's not you who should be sorry, it's me, it was my fault you ran." I turned to look into his troubled face only to see his hand covering his eyes. His arms resting on the top of his bent knees. "I wish I could take my words back. I hurt you and I never meant to do that. I cried myself to sleep with worry yesterday." I could feel the tears in his voice.

"I shouldn't have kissed you. I made you angry." My own tears coming.

"After driving all over the place looking for you - I was sure that you.. that you had ... and when I saw you last night I was so relieved.." He sniffed wetly "..and then you ran from me. So close and I still couldn't reach you. After I lost you - I roamed the streets for hours trying to find you to tell you how sorry I was. I wanted to ..." His voice faded to nothing.

I crawled over to him and slowly reached out my hand to touch his arm. His face red and splotchy, trails of tears down his cheeks, God I wanted to hold him, to take the hurt away. I lightly touched his arm "I'm OK Daniel - I'm still here. I survived."

"It was.. But it..." his chest rising in shuddering breaths.

I pulled myself to his side and leaned against the wall. "Don't cry please - it isn't your fault. When you held me - made l..." My tears had arrived and I wiped my eyes. "When you made love to me I was the happiest person alive - I wanted you to love me so badly."

My shoulder was pressed against his, my legs flat along the floor. I turned to his side and reached out caressing his arm. "When I woke up, I wanted to make you as happy as you had made me. I couldn't help myself. It was me who stepped over the line. I wanted to kiss you."

Daniel slid sideways, turning in to my embrace, tears running down both of our cheeks. I held him tightly, our only need to give comfort.

Leaning against the wall, Daniel crying on my shoulder and me into his hair. The time for words was over.

I gently stroked his hair as his breathing slowly calmed, our tears run.

Daniel turned his head slightly, I could feel his breath against my neck and the cold of a wet patch of T- shirt cooling on my shoulder.

"David?"

"Hmm?"

"When you" his voice trailed off and then restarted. "When you kissed me."

"I know."

"No, you don't understand - you scared me." I paused in my stroking trying to work out what he meant. "That's why I got angry."

"I don't understand - I scared you?"

"Not quite, it was more that I scared myself."

"Now you've lost me totally."

"I..I liked kissing you. I like you but I don't want to be gay. At the photo sessions I sometimes see the gays after their shoot and they prance around, some of them dressed in women's clothes and they're so camp." He fell into silence.

"I didn't want to be gay either, it just happened. I didn't know if I liked men or women and then I saw you. To be honest I still don't know if I like men or women"

Daniel raised himself and looked at me close, his eyes filled with questions. I coloured a bit with my words "You were my first."

Daniel looked shocked. He lowered himself slowly back down resting his head on my shoulder. "My first was a woman in her 40's and I was 16, I'd run away from home, my dad sometimes got drunk and he'd then beat the crap out of us. He always apologised but three or four weeks later he'd do it again. Any rate I ran and I ended up here. I looked for a job and saw an ad for modelling. They hired me, cash in hand, because of my hair and after a couple of days asked if I wanted to try some adult work. I agreed."

He pulled himself off me and clasped his hands around his knees. "She was ugly, fat, stank of booze and I had to fuck her in front of the camera. After her there were dozens that would open their legs and do nothing unless the photographer said so." He laughed "I used to nick my dad's magazines and look at the pictures thinking 'I wish I had a job like that'. He stopped and the looked at me "I've never had a girlfriend since I left home."

"How do you..." I didn't know how to ask it and I blushed."

"Oh that's easy - they play fuck movies all day and the guys stand in front of it wanking until the photographer is ready. Get in position and have the picture taken." He breathed deep and then released it slowly. "I've never made love to anyone. I look at a woman and I see the slabs of meat on the photographer's couch. I see the blokes and I run away scared."

"But you told me you were bi."

"Once or twice I've had to do a threesome and I end up fucking her as she sucks him. If the bloke was well built I didn't need the movies to get hard. I always wondered ..."

My mind jumped. "You mean I ..."

"Yeah! You were my first too!"

..............

Part 14

Chapter 9: You don't have to say you love me.

At his smile, his head tilted slightly to the side, my heart was lost again. "Daniel, I know you probably don't want to hear it but .." He lifted his head and I looked him right in the eye "I love you."

Daniel lowered his head, hesitant searching words. "I don't know whether I'm angry, afraid, happy or sad. I don't know what to feel. I like you but I don't--"

I interrupted him resting my hand on his arm. "I know."

We settled into silence but the pain and fear had gone, washed away. We sat in quiet thoughts for a minute or two and then Daniel stood up. "I need some fresh air, how about you?"

"Yeah."

He lowered his arm and I grabbed his hand. Half leaning and pulling I was pulled up straight, his face scrunched up in pain. "Are you OK"

Putting his arm around my waist, mine over his shoulder "Just a bit sore."

"I'm sorry my Dad hit you."

Being of equal height our steps in sync, we covered ground easily and were soon out of the door. "You heard?"

I breathed in the cold crisp air. "Tony told me."

"I deserved it. If I'd--"

I pulled his shoulder hard against mine "That's over! I don't want to even remember yesterday."

"Sorry."

"Quit saying that."

We stood looking out over the fields, the grey sky merging in with the mist that hadn't yet burned off. I looked at the green of the grass slowly fade to a grey blue in the distance. The odd shadow like tree and the light of a tractor in the distance twinkling as it moved across the ground. Daniel spoke so quietly I didn't hear what he said and after a moment said "Sorry."

"Will you stop saying that." I turned to see a grin across his face. White straight teeth slightly parted, his light green eyes filled with joy at catching me out.

I smiled and his grin shrank to a contented smile. "I actually said it's peaceful, quiet."

"I love to walk in the fields in the mornings, after the cows have been milked and the sun is just about to rise. The birds have risen, left their roosts and dart above the ground, banking and swooping. Their song is so loud, so urgent in the morning air. Even with their loud chatter you feel alone, the solitude and peace refreshes me."

Daniel turned to face me his eyes studying me as I spoke. "There's a brook over there that feeds into the Dee, the mist from it slips over the ground and surrounds you. All you can see is about thirty feet but it walks with you, revealing more and hiding what you've seen. The shapes of hedgerows and trees seem so ethereal, half hidden in the mist. It's like walking in a world that's reborn new and clean everyday. Just for me!"

I turned and looked up. "You see up there in the eaves, those cup like shapes." Daniel lifted his head, his eyes following where I was pointing. "They're swallow nests. I try to walk past here as the sun comes up, they come flying out and swirl around me diving and pulling away at the last instant. They're so athletic and graceful."

"You love it here, don't you?"

"It's my life, all I've known. My Dad loves the stars and the night sky. Chester is just a slight orange glow over there and I pointed off to the north east. The sky is pitch dark and covered in bright stars like diamonds on black velvet. The birds aren't singing but there are the hoots from a few owls. He goes round the fields checking the cows are safe and secure, that feed is in the tanks and tours the farm. You know he's done it so many times, every night, that he doesn't even take a torch. He knows where every rock, tree and ditch is. He loves the evening but my time is the morning."

Daniel approached slowly and put his hands on my shoulders. I turned to face him, watching his face get closer. He tilted his head and a few inches away he closed his eyes. I tilted mine, my breath stopped in my lungs, my heart louder that any birdsong.

He kissed me gently. His lips staying closed and then fractionally parting. I could feel his warm tongue lightly touch my lips and I opened them, letting him enter.

One of his arms slid down and around me as his other rose to caress the back of my neck. I pulled him the last step into me, my arms around him. I opened to him and felt delirious that he wanted me. His tongue running along my teeth and gums, slightly hesitant of entering fully. My tongue touched his, sliding over and over, caressing him.

I felt the warm breath of his exhale by my cheek and suddenly remembered to breathe. The force of the air from my nose made him open his eyes. His green eyes dark with open pupils slowly closed as I relaxed in to him. The kiss remained strong as his tongue retreated from my mouth pulling mine into his. The taste of him an aphrodisiac in my mouth, the warmth of his face and the pressure from his hands that never seemed to stay still.

My hands slid up his shoulders as he twisted his face and I turned mine. The pressure on our lips growing with the heat I felt. His tongue thrust past mine and reached for the back of my mouth. I felt the rail of the stairs in my back as Daniel pressed against me. My need of him growing by the second.

I realised I had one hand on his butt pulling him tight against me as I rocked against him. I loved the feel of being in his arms, his tongue caressing mine. I couldn't breath enough, I wanted to gasp but still stay locked to his lips. My mind flying high I felt a tension building, my passion growing. The air out of my nostrils putting a steam train to shame. I shuddered and my muscles locked, movement impossible. Daniel released the kiss but held me tight as I slumped, the tension gone.

His voice seemed joyous, happy "Now, I liked that! I liked that a lot!"

Mine weak and shallow as I struggled to breathe "So did I."

"Come on, I think you need to sit down." He lifted my arm and pushed his head under as he pulled me tight against him.

The heat from the little flat bathed us as we entered. Daniel stood giving me support as I collapsed onto the seat. My head down, and my thoughts straightening themselves out. There was a growing dark patch on my jeans. I felt ashamed that I had made it so obvious - again, I could feel my face turning red.

Daniel bent over picking the mugs up from the floor and putting them on the table and then clicked the kettle on again.

I felt his hand cup my chin and raise it. I resisted and Daniel dropped down to his haunches, looking up at my face. "David?"

My face red I tried to twist away but Daniel turned me to face him. "What's wrong." I couldn't speak but my eyes gave me away by glancing at the wet patch on my jeans. His eyes dropped. "Wow. Did I do that to you? Do I turn you on that much?" My voice still failing I jerkily nodded, more ashamed than ever.

Daniel sat back, dropping to sit on the floor. Moments past in silence until Daniel spoke again in almost a whisper. "I liked kissing you, I liked being pressed up against you and I think me turning you on so much, turns me on as well. I used to kiss some of the models and Jennifer, she's my photographer, but none felt like that. As good as that."

I looked into his face as he clambered back up off the floor. My voice finally working, too late. "I need to clean myself up."

"OK, I'll help you." My face bright red but I offered no resistance, unable to get there without his help.

We passed through the little landing into the tiny bathroom and my hopes of cleaning myself without Daniel vanished. The shower was between the toilet and the wash basin. I'd have to stand and wash.

"Forget it Daniel, I'll wash when we get back to the house."

"Why are you so edgy, I've seen you nude - I mean for Christ's sake we've sucked each other's cock"

Daniel then turned me around, flipped down the toilet seat and lowered me down. Moving a couple of steps away he crossed his arms at his waist and pulled up his sweat shirt, throwing it out of the bathroom door. Kicking off his shoes as he unhitched his jeans. His hands steadily lowered the tight jeans rubbing his thighs together as he pushed them down. His movement enhancing the shape of his chest and the V down to his waist.

Enamoured of the sight of his pale skin, slightly marred by purple blemishes on his right hand ribs. My eyes followed that furry red line running from his chest down into green and white striped boxers. I could feel a pulse run down below. Knowing that he was watching me I could feel my face warming up again. "Don't you ever get embarrassed?"

Daniel lifted one foot and peeled off his sock. "I got cured of that, you get a hard on, wanking in front of ten or fifteen people every week and you'll lose it too." He removed the other sock with just as much aplomb.

Talking about it wasn't helping, I was getting harder and harder as each square inch of bare skin was revealed.

Daniel stopped with his fingers in the waistband of his boxers. I was relieved and disappointed when he pulled them out, the band snapping back to his taut stomach.

"No - I don't think I should." I breathed easier and then gasped as he strode right up to me and said "You do it."

My hands were moving before my mind was made up. I lightly touched the front of his thighs, feeling the slight blonde hairs under my fingers. On their own, divorced from control my hands flattened themselves and slid, up, down and around his thighs. Barely conscious of my movement my hands slid to the back of his thighs and up underneath his boxers, pulling him towards me as my face plunged into the front of his boxers.

The smell of musk and arousal, of Daniel drove me on. The feel of his fast rising cock pressing against my face. My nose found the slit in his boxers and touched his red pubic hair, the smell of him more intense. My tongue stabbed his boxers again and again, finding his cock climbing up over his left thigh.

Daniel groaned and his back arched, his hands behind my head, pressing me in harder against him. The feel of him clenching and tightening his buttocks. I found his cock straining against the waistband, proud and a delight to my mouth. I slid my lips over the head and drove my tongue in, wetting the cotton.

"Oh God!, Suck it, please suck it." A mantra playing from his lips, his head back. His hips thrusting and rolling about in my hands. Unwilling to release my prize even for a moment I gnawed at the head, my tongue pressing and sliding over the tight hard helmet.

Daniel hands released me and went for the top of the boxers. "Suck me please. Christ this is torture, you've got to suck me please" His hands stripping the sides down, the cloth tightening and pulling his cock down, immobile due to my lips being lodged firmly around him. He shimmied and rocked and then screamed as I sucked hard through the wet cotton.

No longer able to hold off, I had to have him in my mouth as much as he wanted it to be there. I pulled my hands around and lifted the waistband. Letting go for a fraction of a second was enough. His cock, free of the cotton at last, jumped vertical only to be devoured by my quickly descending mouth.

I pulled the boxers down as I tried to drill my tongue into that tiny slit, my lips firmly behind the flared head. I needed my hands, letting go of the falling boxers, one rising to help me pull him down for my mouth the other grabbing one of his cheeks to stop him pulling away. Daniel had no intention of pulling away, if he had any at all. Constant moans and gasps escaping his lips as his hands tried to pull me on to his throbbing meat.

A long "oh!" sound echoed around the room as Daniel stiffened, his muscles tightening all over. His hips thrusting out of control, I felt spasms ride up under my hand only to enlarge the head in my already full mouth. One, two, three times dry and then with a dying moan on his lips, Daniel came. Slimy hot cream, the taste of Daniel stronger than I could believe and more than I expected. I swallowed as rapidly as I could, trying to suck the life essence from my love.

..............

To be Continued....

For comments, constructive criticism and so on you can email me.

Romanticiser@geocities.com