Love Me

Disclaimer: You know where u r, and obviously u want to be here, so there! lol dont know them, wish i did, but still, i dont.

Howie D will b on TV tonite, its gonna b fun!... Its later, and Howie was on Roswell pre facial hair, OMG, LOL. he was on the show and said 3 whole words, go him! lol.

For the Britney Fans, remember to buy her album tomorrow, May 16th! i will b at best buy at 10 am to buy hers and BBMak's. ANYWAY. school is over, so hopefully i will get chaps out more frequently!

Thanks for all the support: ppl to say hi to: first of all, Matt, thank u so so much for being my one and only loyal reader and feedbacker ( is a word? lol) :) ( and i'm sure half of these ppl dont even read this story! lol) AJ ( josh and just), Rachel ( Escape, Choices): gurl i cant belive its over!, Aphrodite ( Tale of two boybands), i love sending ya emails!!! Robin ( now or never), i cant wait for more of your story! o and by the way go read this story: justin-jc, Jinny youre da bomb! this one too: Kevin and justin! kk nuff of my rambling.

Chapter 14

Justin paced the hall of the hospital. Britney had been in surgery for the past three hours. Every now and then, Justin would shoot daggers through his eyes at Joey, who in turn would start to cry. No one went to comfort him. Everyone knew what he had said to Britney, Justin forced it out of him, and Chris helped in telling the story.

" Damn it! Joey, if she doesn't make it out of this, I will personally make sure you suffer!"

" I didn't mean to, please, Curly."

" Fuck off!"

Eric watched as his lover walked around, cursing everything that moved. He saw the sadness whenever Justin would look his way. He wished he could help, but being in a hospital hit too close to home, so he stood back.

JC watched his friends as they ripped Joey apart. He noticed that Ruby was not there. Chris said something about her handling management. Eric seemed to be interested in the situation, but not enough to comfort his boyfriend. JC walked to Eric and sat down next to him.

" So, is this entertaining to you?"

" Excuse me?"

" Here we are, in pain because Britney may not live, and cuz Justin is dying inside, and you're just here, watching."

" I don't know what to do JC, me and hospitals, we're not on good terms."

" I don't give a fuck, Justin needs you, you couldn't be there for me, don't walk out on him either!"

JC yelled loud enough for Justin to stop pacing and look at the two. Justin stormed over to them and punched JC as hard as he could.

:" What that fuck was that for?"

" Here we are, concerned for Britney, and you pick a fight? Where is your head?"

" Where is his? Here you are, dying inside, and he doesn't even care."

" Of course he cares, but he doesn't know how to help, and being in a hospital is hard for him, and I am not going to push him and cause him pain."

" What kind of pain?"

" Jesus JC, don't you know when to drop a subject?" Chris tried to shut him up.

" No! I have aright to know everything and anything about their relationship. He broke my heart, I have a right."

" And you would never break anyone's heart?" Lance walked forward, hurt in his eyes.

" No, I wouldn't."

" Bullshit! You know you hurt me as bad if not worse than they hurt you. At least they told you, I still don't know why you left me alone, cold, and crying in that hallway. So don't give them or anyone else shit about respecting you and telling you shit, you don't deserve it!" Lance screamed at his ex boyfriend, a few nurses turned their heads at his scene.

" What are you talking about Lance?"

" Why do you deny it, Chris and Joey fucking walked in on us, and you don't think Justin has thought about it? Or that maybe I told him?"

Lance watched JC's face as it turned from angry to furious. He turned to face Lance and raised his fist.

" Don't you dare. You thought this day wouldn't come huh? That you wouldn't have to face the mistakes you made? Well I'm sorry Joshua, but here it, all of your fuck ups, right here in front of your face."

" You told Justin, about us? How dare you?"

" Back off! He asked me about us, I didn't want to tell, but he guessed and I was NOT about to lie to him. You did, you're his best friend, and you lied!"

JC and Lance just looked at each other not even blinking while the others stood back in utter shock. Chris was on the phone with Ruby when the fight broke out, so they were talking about it. Joey just stood back and watched in amazement. Justin had sat down and Eric came, sat next to him, and rubbed his back. Still, neither of them would back down. The silence was only broken when TJ came running from the nurses station. He looked around trying to figure out what happened.

" What the hell happened? It doesn't matter, she is out of surgery, and has been asking for Justin, they will allow Justin and only Justin in to see her."

Justin slowly walked down the corridor to Britney's room. He opened the door and cried at the sight of his best friend wrapped up in a couple layers of bandage and gauze. Britney's face had tiny little Band-Aids all over it, her arms were wrapped in gauze, her legs here in traction to avoid them rubbing anything, they too were bandaged up.

" Justy? Is it bad?"

" Yeah, Bits, it is."

" Yeah, I thought so."

" What happened back at the hotel?"

" I didn't like who I saw in the mirror, I wanted her to change."

" And this was a good solution?"

" No, Justin, it wasn't. But I had to do something. I hate him Just, I really hate him."

" Who? Joe-."

" Yes."

" But-."

" No buts Justin, I thought I could make what happened go away if I loved him like I used to, and I pretended like everything was okay. But it wasn't and its not."

" What's gonna happen?"

" Honestly? I will leave the tour, you all will go on as if nothing happened. You and Eric will get married one day, Joey will find someone else, Chris and Ruby will try to make things right, but will fail and Lance and JC don't even have a prayer."

" You aren't god Britney, you don't about any of the things you just said."

" Yeah, I know, but it's the perfect situation, you all just forget about me, I'll drop out of the business or something, I can't live like this anymore."

" I'll kill him for what he's done to you."

" Its not all his fault, most, but not all." Britney tried to smile at her friend, but the pain wouldn't allow her the privilege.

" We'll get through this, if we have to stop this stupid tour so I can be with you, I'll do it."

" Justin, you can't give up the tour because of me, it's not fair to the guys or to the fans."

" They will understand."

" No, Justin, they wont."

" Please, Brit, tell me what to do?"

" Leave, now, take the guys and leave."

" No, I won't do that, and you can scream and shout all you want, I won't leave you."

" Justin?"

" Yeah?"

" I love you."

" I love you too."

" Yeah."

Justin walked over to the bed, picked up one of Britney's bandaged hands, and kissed it.

" If I could change things and be that man for you, I would, in a heart beat, but I'm not, and I cant."

Britney turned her head, to avoid crying in front of Justin.

" I know." Britney whispered from behind the tears.

Lance and JC still stood looking at each other, their eyes filled with pain and disgust. For the first time, Lance realized that he really didn't love JC anymore. He was in love with the idea of loving JC, so he made himself believe he was, but really, he was grateful for this moment because he could finally tell his heart and mind the truth. The love he had for JC Chasez was finally dead.

JC looked at his former lover and almost former friend. JC looked at him and his heart wanted to reach out and cry for forgiveness, his mind wanted to hit him and make him take away the pain, pain that he himself had caused. JC always knew that Lance still held a torch for their love, and now for the first time, he didn't see love in Lance's eyes, all he saw was sadness and hate.

JC was the first to back away. Somehow, knowing the Lance still loved him got him through the bad times, now, he knew he had ruined what could have been his destiny, and he had to wake up and realize that Lance no longer loved him.

" I'm sorry James. I never thought I would be the cause of this much pain. I know it doesn't help now, but I have always loved you."

JC walked away from Lance, sat down, and wept into his hands. Lance looked at his ex boyfriend and smiled. Even if he didn't feel the same, it comforted him to know that JC didn't forget he had a heart. He also smiled to reduce the pain. Lance walked down the hall to where TJ was standing. He looked into the room and saw Justin by the window, and Britney facing them, she appeared to be crying.

" Why is she crying?"

" Jesus Lance, you scared me!"

" Sorry."

" No, its okay. And I don't really know. She kinda sent Justin away from her about 20 minutes ago. If he edges towards the bed, she screams. But Justin won't leave the room, so he stays by the window. I'm worried about her, she has all this anger and pain inside of her, and she wants it out of her, that she is taking it out on the one person who loves her most. As strong as Justin is, Britney might be successful in pushing him away and never coming back, and then I don't know what Brit will do."

" What about you, she seems to trust you."

" She used to."

" Used to?"

" I pulled away."

" Why?"

" I didn't want to tell her I'm gay."

" Um, I think she'll still love you man." Lance smiled at his friend.

" I know, now I do, but still, I pushed her away, it's hard to get back there."

" Yeah."

TJ and Lance stood for a few more minutes in silence watching their friends before Lance broke the silence.

" Does she know?"

" About me?"

" Yeah."

" I imagine she always knew."

" Oh."

" Yeah. I never kept my mouth shut when she would point out a hot guy, if I agreed or not, I think she caught on to my ever so subtle hints." TJ laughed lightly.

" Do you, uh, do you have someone?" Lance asked casually. At least he tried to make it seem that way.

" No, I don't, you and JC work things out?"

" Lord no, and I doubt we will. We had something, years ago, but it's long and dead. Trust me."

" That's good. I mean, uh, never mind."

" What?"

" I was just wondering, cuz, uh, nothing."

" I see, well if you ever wanna talk, or tell me anything, I'm here for ya."

" Thanks."

TJ and Lance continued the small talk as they watched Britney close her eyes. Justin attempted to walk over to the bed. When he didn't hear any screaming he ran to her side. He saw that had fallen asleep. He looked at how her bed was set up. He made up his mind and crawled into bed with her. Without hurting her, he wrapped his arms around her.

" Britney, if you can hear me, please don't push me away."

Britney has closed her eyes to relax; she finally did when her best friend held her close. If anyone had looked at them, it would seem as if they were in love, but she knew better. Justin knew her all too well to get pushed away, and Britney knew Justin all too well to push him away.

" Hush now don't you cry

There will be a better day

I promise you

We can work it out

But only if you let me know

What's on your mind."

Justin looked to the door and saw his friends talking and looking at them. He turned back to Britney and wiped away her tears. He wished to god that he could be the one to take the pain away, but he knew that she had to feel this pain to get stronger. A song had popped into his head and he was lightly singing it to his friend.

" Baby, you thought it was forever

Through any kind of weather

But some day, you will find what you're searching for."

Lance turned his back to Justin the Britney; he had no right to intrude on their time. TJ followed suit and looked down the hall. Chris had fallen asleep on a couple of the chairs. Joey was crouched in a far corner of the room. Eric had taken JJ to the nursery and JC was just sitting looking in to space.

TJ was talking about his excitement about the tour when he caught Lance looking at him.

" Do I have something in my teeth?" TJ snapped his fingers at Lance

" What? Oh no, I was just, uh looking at you. Got lost in thought."

" What are you thinking about?"

" Love, relationships, kisses. You know, the usually." Lance laughed at himself.

" Right, the usual. Do you, um, do you miss them?"

" Miss what?"

" The kisses?"

" Sometimes, yes. They are comforting, like you know you will wake up with that person, so I miss those kisses. You?"

" The only person I've kissed in Britney. Don't give me that look, we hooked up at the start of her career, but we soon discovered we were better friends. And I discovered I was gay. Since then, I haven't had the opportunity to have any of those comfort kisses you talk about, or even the passion filled ones either."

" I miss those too." Lance frowned at his words.

" Don't give up, love comes to you when you least expect it, at least that's what they say."

" They?"

" Yeah."

" Well I hope they don't keep love from me for too long."

" They wont."

TJ slowly ran his hand across Lance's and picked it up in his. Lance looked down and then at TJ. He locked his fingers around TJ's and squeezed lightly.

" Try again

Never stop believing

Try Again

Don't give up on your love

Stumble and fall

Its the heart of it all

When you fall down

(down)

Just try again."

Joey looked over to where everyone was. He got up and stretched his legs. He looked down the hall at Lance and TJ. He looked over to the nursery, then to Chris who had fallen asleep with his phone still on and at his ear. JC looked like Joey did a few hours ago. Joey knew that he had fucked things up. He wanted to somehow, make it even a little better. He walked to the nurses' station and asked about Britney's payment.

" Her insurance can cover most of it sir."

" And the rest?"

" She will have to pay for."

" I'll be paying for whatever else that needs payment for."

" Alright, check or credit?"

" Credit."

Joey paid for Britney's expenses, he knew this wouldn't even come close to making things okay, but it was the least he could do. He looked over his friends and decided it was probably best if he left them alone. He walked back to get his jacket and walked slowly towards the elevator.

Joey got off in the lobby and went outside to try to get a cab; one pulled up and out walked Ruby. She was in such a rush she didn't notice it was Joey getting in until she had reached the elevator. She rushed back out but he was long since gone.

Ruby walked quickly to Britney's floor. She saw Chris asleep in an awkward position still holding his phone. She closed it before the battery died completely. She looked at JC who seemed to be catatonic. Eric was across the hall playing with his son. She saw that Lance and TJ were talking quietly and holding hands. She was glad that some good was coming of all this. She walked to Britney's door and looked inside. Justin was trying to wipe away Britney's ever-flowing tears while his came cascading down his face.

" Smile now, let it go

Hey, you will never be alone

I promise you

If you can't fight the feeling

(Oh yeah)

Surrender in your heart

Remember love will set you free."

Britney let a small sob escape her mouth; she turned her head slowly to face Justin. When she saw his tears from his closed eyes, she frowned. She didn't understand why he was crying. He had a wonderful boyfriend, and he had a child in his life. Britney knew that Justin always feared he would never have any children. But now, he had a son, and she knew his heart should be soaring, but he was laying in a hospital bed drying her tears, and crying his own painful drops when they should be drops of happiness.

" Justin?"

" Yeah."

" Will you help me?"

Justin opened his eyes and looked deep into Britney's.

" With what?"

" Help me get string again, so I can sing and dance and be happy again."

" Oh Britney, of course."

" And promise me, that you will help yourself."

" How?"

" Make sure Eric knows you love him."

" I do."

" I know you do, but make sure he knows, tell him every day, at least ten times a day. And love that baby. I know you've always had a fear of not having children, now you have one. And tell your parents, about Eric and about JJ.

Forgive Josh, somewhere in side, he means well. Help Lance to find love again. Try to convince Trey that I love him. Make sure Ruby is happy, and that Chris makes her happy. And Joey. Make sure he doesn't get hurt."

" I can't believe you. Here you are, laying in a hospital bed because of him and you don't want HIM to be hurt."

" No, somewhere inside of him he does love me, but just doesn't know how to each it."

" Do you love him?"

" No. I don't. Any love I had is gone. I'll start anew. Set my heart free of the shackles its in and find love again, in another time."

" I'm in awe of you, but so proud."

" Promise me."

" I promise."

" Baby, you thought it was forever

You would always be together

But some day, you will find what you're searching for."

Ruby watched her boyfriend as he slept. He looked so peaceful. A feeling she was just starting to understand again. She kissed his forehead before walking to see Eric and JJ. She walked in and heard JJ giggle at his father. Eric looked up and smiled at Ruby before looking back down at his son.

" How are you?"

" As good as can be expected."

" Let him in, please."

" I have, I mean he knows why I can't be there with him."

" Yeah."

" Is this hard for you, I mean its not only Jase for you, its your mom and dad."

" Yeah, it's hard, but if I think of it as business than it doesn't really count right?"

" If you say so."

" So how is my nephew today?"

" He loves all the attention, I've missed spending this time with him. I shouldn't have left."

" You had to get away, and maybe you needed to leave him to realize that you need him?"

" And it's a wonder why you didn't become a shrink."

" Shut up!"

" Try again

Never stop believing

Try again

Don't give up on your love

Stumble and fall

Its the heart of it all

So when you fall down

(down)

Just try again."

Britney listened as Justin sang a song softly under his breath. She knew it wasn't one of his, and wondered what it was.

" What's that you're singing?"

" It's a song by Westlife. I think they might replace you."

" Ah. It sounds nice, I'm glad a good group is coming."

" Don't leave me."

" I don't want to Justin, but I have to get better, and take some time to find myself again."

" You will, and then you'll come back to me?"

" I'll be back sooner than you realize."

" I love you Britney Jean Spears."

" I love you too Justin Randall Timberlake. And you find whatever it is you're still looking for."

" I will."

"Baby, when a heart is crying

It sometimes feels like dying

The tear drops fall like rain

Oh, baby, I thought it was forever

You would always be together

But some day you will find what you're searching for."

Joey walked around the halls of the hotel. He couldn't leave, that would hurt the guys more then anything, but he couldn't imagine staying. What was left for him? He had no girlfriend, and it seemed like he had no friends either. He had to make things better. He ran to his room and picked up the phone.

" Mama, I did something bad."

Joey talked to his mother for about three hours, he cried the entire time, telling his mother EVERYTHING. It was hard for his to tell his mom that her son had committed such a heinous crime. Phyllis wanted to know if Britney was taking action.

" No, Ma, she has decided to just deal with this on her own. She is leaving the tour, Lynne is picking her up tomorrow, and we are getting a new opening act. I didn't mean to, please believe me."

" You are a good boy Joseph, but I don't know how to get you out of this one."

" I know everything is my fault."

" Joey, honey. If you need to come home for a few days to clear you head, you are more than welcome. Steven is home for a few days before he goes out on tour again. Maybe you should come home and talk to your brother."

" Thanks Ma, I'll think about it."

" I need to go, your father and I are having guests, call me anytime."

" I will, I love you Ma, thanks."

Joey made plane reservations quickly. He packed his things and left a note at the front desk for the others. He was headed home. Maybe if he went away, when he came back, he could try again. He could try to be the friend, the singing and the man everyone needed him to be.

" Try again

Never stop believing

Try Again

Don't give up on your love

Try again

Never stop believing

Try Again

Don't give up on your love

Stumble and fall

Its the heart of it all."

Lance and TJ left the hospital, Ruby convinced to let Justin stay with Britney, and dragged the others back to the hotel. When they got back, they went to retrieve their messages.

" Hello, does NSYNC have any messages?" Ruby asked the girl behind the counter.

" Yes, here it is, from a Joseph Fatone."

" Thank you."

Ruby took the note back and gave it to Lance. Lance opened it and read it aloud.

" Dear fellas, I know I'm probably the last person any of you want to hear from, but this has to be said. I don't think I will ever be able to dig myself out of the pit I have formed. Sure g-d shouldn't forgive me, so if you do, it will be a miracle. I have left. Not for good, though if that is what you want, just let me know. I am going home. I need to clear my head, and somehow try find some sort of solace at home, to calm me down. Until I die, I know that I never meant to hurt Britney, but I did, and I have to make that go away. I know that there is nothing I can do, and I have to heal myself before I can of any use to anyone else.

Lance, I can imagine you going crazy when you read this, but please understand I'm not doing this to screw you guys over.

Josh, you will find love again, I'm sure of it. You have such a kind heart and a good head on your shoulders.

Chris, you have been my best friend from the start of this whole thing. I know I have fucked that up. Maybe, when this is all done with, in how ever many years, we can start to rebuild.

Justin, lord I never thought I would do anything to hurt you Curly, but I have, so much more than I ever realized. One day, I will make it better for you.

Ruby, take care of Chris, as crazy as he is, he still needs all the love and support he can get.

Eric, I'm glad I got a chance to meet you and know what a lover is supposed to be. Take care of Justin, I know the two of you will be together for a long time.

I suppose I should leave a message for Britney, but she hates me so I don't see the use. But please, if she ever reads this, know I never ever meant to hurt you. I'm gonna check myself into AA when I get home. I know that was just a part of it, but maybe in time, I can realize that I lost the best person to ever care about me. And maybe one day, I can find someone like you, and I will have the internal strength to believe it when she says she cares, and I will become a better person.

Take care. I will only be away for a few days, but maybe it will turn into more. Be well and God bless.

Sincerely,

Joseph Anthony Fatone.

Lance finished reading and looked at the others. Chris was crying into Ruby's embrace. JC still hadn't changed facial expressions. TJ sat next to him and held his hand. Eric sat and fed JJ trying not to concentrate on the sadness in the room.

Lance folded the note and put it in pocket. He stood, TJ with him and slowly walked back to his room. Ruby and Chris made their way back to their room as well. Eric stayed with JJ as he fell asleep using his father a pillow. Josh saw that everyone was leaving and realized that he needed to sleep. He had been up for over 36 hours. He thought that everything would make sense after a good sleep.

" When you fall down

Just try again."

(Try Again, Westlife)

Justin detached himself from Britney and kissed her forehead. He got out his cell and called home. He heard some talking in the background before his mom said hello.

" Mom?"

" Justin, how are you?"

" I need to see you."

" Honey, are you alright?"

" No, mom, I need to tell you something."

" Alright. I don't know when I can get away, the girls are here. That's alright, we'll work it out, we can be there tomorrow morning, is that okay?"

" Yeah mom, that's fine."

" Alright, the girls send their love and will see you tomorrow."

Justin got off the phone with his mother and looked at his sleeping friend.

" Now all I have to do is tell her. But I will, I keep my promises. You get better Britney, came back to me."

Justin grabbed his coat and left her room. She would be home by the time he told his mom. More than anything he needed by his side, but somehow, he knew that she would be with him.

He knew that he had to get his life back on track, and the only way for him to be happy with Eric, was to be happy with all of his other relationships. He had to forgive Josh, and even forgive Joey. He had seen the way Lance and TJ looked at each other and decided to leave that one to themselves. He knew that Chris was in for the long haul, and from the way he saw Ruby look at him earlier, he knew she felt the same. He had to tell his mother he was gay, in love with a wonderful man and even a father. He would. And somehow, everything would be okay.

He looked at all of his to dos as points in starting in his life in a happy and fresh way. He walked back to the hotel that was a few blocks form the hospital singing. He would get through this, no matter what.

" When you fall down

Just try again."

When Justin got to the hotel, he went to Josh's room first. He knocked twice before he heard movement.

" Who is it?"

" JC? Its me, Curly."

JC opened the door, shock on his face, what shocked him even more was when Justin pulled him into a hug. JC took a moment to register what was going on before throwing his own arms around his best friend. The two men stood in the doorway and held each other tightly as the day passed into night.