Disclaimer: Now if you need a disclaimer this much inro any of my stories, um, yeah. i still dont know anyone in this story, the closest i have gotton/will get is concerts.
As for legal issues, you should know by now what you should and should not be reading, and obviously if you are here, you can read, so enjoy!
Stories yall should check out: Tale of two boybands what is love i just wanna be with you this i promise you now or never and the rest that i mentioned last chapter
Authors Note:
I was informed about 30 mins ago that a poem i wrote for my school's Literary Journal was rejected because of its content. I'm really pissed becuase of all the poems i have written about my sexuality this one is the tamest. and for the most part, i wanted to put it in to help others, to tell them that whatever feelings they may be feeling, that they are not alone, but no! not even annonymously can a poem like this go though the fucked up school system.
the vice princaple even acknowledged the fact that this occurs in our school, but the principle himself is being an ass, and im really upset. anway, i'm gonna post it here, feel free to comment on this. Thanks for reading.
Both.
I am so confused One moment I think one way The next the other
Am I? Am I not? How do I know? So many questions Not so many answers
But I know that I care about Him That when he smiles at me He means it And that makes all the difference
But I know that I long for Her She is so beautiful And so graceful And when she smiles at me She means it And that makes all the difference But if she knew What next?
Both so unreachable Both so important He, so charming She, so elegant But both not mine.
Chap 12 recap: Chris packed up his and Ruby's things. He noticed that this sadness had become more and more apparent in her actions over the past few days. He never asked her about it, it wasn't his business. She got the job done, but when they made love, he didn't feel her. He had fallen in love with her. He wondered if she felt the same thing. Ruby sat on the bus and worked on some paper work. She was well aware of her mental situation, but she paid no attention to the suggestions of depression. She chalked it up to lack of sleep. She thought, that now that JJ was with Eric, she could somehow make happiness come to her to be there for her nephew. ~~ JC sat still. Britney and Joey moved over slightly and turned on the TV. Chris moved to a chair and worked on some sketches. None of them knew what to do for their friend. " You knew about this didn't you?" Joey asked Britney in light whisper. " Yes." " How?" " Justin told me when he first liked Eric, and when they first kissed, and well it's a long story, but yes I knew. And frankly, I'm happy for them. Justin is finally comfortable being himself, and lord knows Eric has been though enough, I hope they are happy." " And what about that guy over there, who you are supposed to care about too? What happens to Josh?" " I don't know, I'm sorry about it but none of its my fault." " Oh isnt it?" " Excuse me?" " Maybe if you told some of us, or even Josh, none of this would have happened." " You're kidding right? This was not my news to share." " But Josh is one of your closest friends. We all are. Friends don't hurt friends like that." " NO! Friends don't rape friends, fuck you Joey!" Britney ran to her bunk, crying.Chapter 13
When they had reached the hotel, JC agreed to chare a room with Lance, but only because he did not remember his dream and wanted to be far away from Justin and Eric. Justin, Eric, and JJ got a room together. Emily was picked up and driven to the airport. Joey assumed he and Britney would be over their fight and reserved a room for the two of them, only to discover that Britney had requested a separate room for herself, on a different floor. Joey opened his room to TJ, who gladly accepted. Chris and Ruby shared a room, but Ruby kept to herself.
Britney unpacked her things. They were going to be in this particular city for a few nights so she wanted the room to feel like home. She showered quickly and put on some sweats. All she wanted to do was curl up and sleep, she was glad it was a free night.
She knew in her heart that her and Joey's relationship was crumbling, but she honestly wanted to believe what she had said to him back in New York, about love and destiny and all that shit. Britney flipped on the radio to try to block all thoughts of Joey. She knew that was pointless though.
Britney walked over to the full-length mirror and stared at herself. She reached out and touched the mirror, her fingers tracing the lines of her body in the glass. That person she saw, she was perfect, she didn't have the heart that was heart, and didn't have the mind that was tainted with images of pain. Britney sunk to the floor and reached out for her mirror image.
"There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did
There's a story in her eyes
Lullabies and good-byes
When she's looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken easily."
Britney didn't even notice as the tears ran down her face, and didn't hear her choked up sobs either. Her heart was breaking. The only boy she ever thought she loved, the one who took away her virginity, now had so much control over life. Wherever she went, Joey was there. Even if he was miles away, he seemed to know her thoughts and touch her soul.
Britney felt trapped inside of a body that felt so strange and unfamiliar. She looked from the floor and back to her own face. Her hands touched her cheeks, feeling the tears for the first time. Britney pulled her knees in close to her body and wrapped her arms around them.
"Cuz the girl in my mirror
Is crying tonight
And there's nothing I can tell
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying cuz of you
And I wish these was something,
Something I could do."
Britney saw the tears as the mirrored in the glass in front of her. She wondered if she looked hard enough, could she see the pain and heartache, which were in her heart, and soul? She leaned forward to get a better look. She saw a girl who was crying, but not so sure why. She looked into the girls brown eyes and tried to read them. She couldn't. She knew there was hurt. Could that girl in the mirror possibly know what the girl on the other side was going though?
Britney stood and took a closer look. She pounded the glass with her fists. She tried to release all of the anger and hurt and pain by punching something with no feelings. She felt nothing leave her system as she pounded. Britney looked up in frustration and in one motion punched the glass. The glass shattered on contact. She stood perfectly still as shards of glass flew in every direction. She closed her eyes as they flew towards her. No more tears were shed as she stood in the middle of her room, drops of blood seeping though her clothes.
Britney opened her eyes and looked into the mirror. There were still a few large pieces and she could make out her eyes and legs, and few fingers. She ran her hand over the few stray pieces that remained intact. Britney again sunk to the floor, and fell to the floor crying.
"If I could, I would tell her
Not to be afraid
The feeling that she's feeling
The sense of loneliness will fade
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love will find you like before
When she's looking back at me
I know nothing really works that easily."
Chris left Ruby to unpack and relax. Ruby took her things out of her bags and tucked them in nicely in the drawers. She took out her laptop and sat down on the couch and got to work. She opened file after file, but none of it made sense. Suddenly everything she used to know, literately turned into a big blur. She shook her head and tried to regain her concentration.
She gave up on that set of files and walked to the bathroom to get a glass of water. As she let the water turn cold, she looked at herself in the mirror. The woman that stared back at her made her take a step back and gasp. Her face was a pasty shade of white and she had a dark shade of purple brown circles under her eyes. She couldn't believe that the woman staring back at her was Ruby Jones.
Ruby felt her heart begin to tear up. She shut her eyes tightly, hoping the tears would come to her face instead of rip her hear to pieces. She opened her eyes and still, her face remained untouched. She splashed some water onto her face, but the image of what she saw before still stood before her.
" Cuz the girl in my mirror
Is crying tonight
And there's nothing I can tell
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying cuz of you
And I wish these was something,
I wish these was something
Oh I wish these was something
I could do."
Ruby ran from the bathroom. She couldn't look at it anymore. She sat back down and forced herself to look at number and words that she didn't comprehend. She remembered that she wanted something to drink and stormed back to the bathroom. She grabbed the glass, water splashing over the sides as she rushed back to the couch. She spread out as many files as she could. She almost regained her train of thought when she heard a faint noise coming from the bathroom.
Drip, drip, drip, drip.
Ruby knew that of she didn't shut the water off, it would drive her crazy. She walked back to the bathroom and turned the knobs. She looked back at the glass. She shook her head at her image.
" Ruby, that isn't you. Your mind is playing tricks on you. You are a strong and healthy woman. You wouldn't let this happen. Chris wouldn't let that happen. He loves you. Yes he does! What happened to you. You used to be gorgeous, now you're this depressed retched old woman. You didn't used to be like this. You cared what you looked like in public. Jason would always remind you to brush back that stray.
That's it isn't it? You're depressed? Fuck you Jason! Why didn't you watch over me like you said you would? You fucking left me, you left Eric, but he's strong, and he is able to love again, what about me? I'm your sister, your best friend, why the fuck did you leave rotting away in this body? Why? Why, why, why?"
Ruby shouted at herself thought her tears. She looked up towards the ceiling, the sky and screamed as loud as she could.
" This isn't me! Make it go away, make it go away! Please! Jason! Make it go away!"
"I can't believe its what I see
That the girl in the mirror
Is me."
Ruby ran from the bathroom and slammed the door. She collapsed onto the bed in a fit of tears and coughs. She laid down and soon closed her eyes.
~ Ruby's Dream ~
Ruby walked across the room, it was filled with fog. She wondered why all dreams had that foggy mist that surrounded her. She shrugged her shoulders and kept walking. She kept walking until she bumped into something. She looked up and saw the tree she and Jason used to play on when they were children. She walked around the tree until she found what she was looking for. A small carving.
RTJ + JCJ = BFF.
Ruby smiled. They had been respectively 15 and 13 when Jason insisted that they carve it. Ruby insisted it would them out to look like some weird incestual family from Alabama or something, Jason just laughed at her.
" Rubes, come on, we'll come back here in like 20 years, and we'll have something to remember our child hood."
" I remember mine, we don't to cut up Grammy's prize winning apple tree."
" Please! Come on, you know you like the idea."
" Okay! I give up. Give me your knife."
Ruby got down on her knees and slowly chipped away at the bark as she carved her name in initials, Ruby Taylor Jones, and Jason Carter Jones.
" It needs something."
" What?"
" This."
Jason took the knife and put a plus sign between the two names, and equal sign after them and BFF, for best friends forever after that.
" I'm your best friend Jase?"
" Of course you are. We'll always have each other Rubes. Always!"
" Forever?"
" Yeah, even after you're a crippled old lady with no teeth, I'll come and feed you pureed spinach at the nursing home!"
" Crippled old lady my ass! You'll be in that nursing home beside me boy!"
" Who you calling a by, I'm a man now!"
" You. A man? When did that happen?
" Shut up Ruby, you didn't even become a woman 'til last week!"
" Oh, you better run boy, I'm gonna kill you!"
Jason hopped off the bench that was under the tree and started to run towards the house. Ruby laughed at her brother. She ran her fingers over the carvings before chasing after him.
Ruby ran her fingers over the light carvings. It was still there, after all this time. She looked around. She thought she heard her brother's laughter coming from a few feet away. She walked away from the tree and headed in the direction she thought her house was. She didn't really know where she was going, but still she heard Jason laughing. It sounded as if he was laughing into her ears. She whipped her head around and dropped her jaw. Jason was laughing in her ear.
" Jase?"
" Hey sis! You know its cool, I can revert back this crappy lanky boy body whenever I want to."
" Jason? I, is it really you?"
" Yes sweetie, its me, I'll change for you if you like."
Jason disappeared from her sight. She turned around trying to find him. She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned. There stood her brother in his wedding tuxedo. He looked just as beautiful now than he did that day.
" Ruby, sweetheart, what's wrong?"
" How do you know something is wrong?"
" Because they only send me to someone's dreams when they are in dire need of help. And I knew they would send me to you even before I got the call."
" You watch me?"
" All the time.'
" Then why did you let me turn out, end up, like this?"
A mirror appeared in front of her. She saw the image that she had tried to shun before.
" I know it hurts, to see yourself in this way, but baby, you need to understand, that this is who you are right now. And you need to get help."
" Why can't you help me?"
" Oh baby, I wish I could. But I don't have that power, only you have the power to change, and be changed."
" Be changed?"
" There is a man outside of this dream, that loves you, that wants to love you, but you are shutting him out."
" No, Chris knows I love him."
" Does he? When was the last time you told him? When was the last time you made love, and felt the love? When was the last time you let him look into your eyes and see your soul. You are shutting him out, you're shutting everyone out of your life."
" No, I talked to Eric the other day, and I held JJ."
" Ruby, if you keep up the denial, than you will lose everything, you will lose me."
" I can't lose you, I already did!"
" But you will lose the sense of protection you have from me, the memories will fade, and the depression will be the only that will matter to you."
" I don't know what to do."
" I know baby, but you need to wake up, and go to Chris, and tell him you love him, and that you need help."
" Will I ever see you again?"
" I'm always with you. In your heart, in your mind. When you look at JJ, I know you see me in his eyes."
" I do, he looks like you, even down to that damn curly hair of yours."
" I love my son, I always will, but Eric has found another father for him, and Justin will make the two men of my life very happy. But its you I'm worried about. You need to realize that that girl in mirror, is my big sister Ruby Tay. And she needs to wake up and realize that with each day that passes, Ruby Tay is losing herself. Look into that mirror Rubes, find yourself. I love you, I have to go now."
" No, please, please don't leave me."
" Never, just look into your heart, I'm there. Look into that mirror sweetheart. Find me, find yourself.
"I can't believe what I see
Oh the girl in my mirror
The girl in my mirror
Is me
Oh is me."
Ruby woke up with a start. She looked up and straight into the mirror. For the first time in a long time, she saw herself. She shed her layers and jumped into he shower. The water felt so good as it rushed down her body. She got out and wrapped her body in a towel. She stood in front of the mirror for what seemed like hours. She didn't move, not even when Chris opened to the door and walked in.
Chris stood back as Ruby looked at herself in the mirror. He watched as the tears rolled down her face. He watched as she, for the first time in weeks, he watched her smiled at her image.
Chris walked behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She turned to him and kissed him with the passion and emotions that had been locked up inside of her body for the past few weeks, months even.
" What was that for?"
" I love you."
" Oh god, you have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that."
" It feel just as good to be saying it."
" What, something is wrong."
" Yes there is, I need help Chris, will you help get better?"
" Yes, of course I will help you. I love you baby."
" I love you too.
"Cuz the girl in my mirror
Is crying tonight
And there's nothing I can tell
To make her feel alright
Oh the girl in my mirror
Is crying cuz of you
And I wish these was something,
I wish these was something
Oh I wish these was something
I could do."
( Girl In The Mirror, Oops I did it Again ( Bonus track), Britney Spears)
Justin and TJ walked onto the elevator after a game of basketball.
" TJ, I gonna stop by Britney's floor to check on her, wanna come with?"
" No thanks, I've got some lyrics to go over."
" Alright man, see you later."
Justin left TJ to go to their floor as he walked to Britney's door. He knocked twice, he got no response. He inserted the extra key card he got the girl behind the check in counter to give him. he walked in and instantly his foot crushed some more glass that was on the floor. He rushed in to the room.
" Britney!"
Justin looked around the room. He saw Britney laying in a pool of glass shards. Her clothes were beginning to dry and cake onto her from the blood. He ran to her lifeless body and picked her up. She ran with her body to the hall. The glass that stuck out of her shirt cut him and he lost his hold of her. Britney's body slid to the floor. Justin couched down next to her.
" Brit, oh god, don't take her away from me!"
Joey and JC walked off the elevator laughing at something stupid Joey had done. Joey stopped short when he saw Justin sitting on the floor, next to Britney's bloodied body. Joey ran from JC to Justin. He stumbled backwards as Britney's cut up face came to view.
" Just, what, is she, what?"
" I don't know Joe. I don't know."
Sorry bout that, i'm in a bit of a sad mood, so it reflects in da story. and also i heard that Britney song, and this chapter just formed in my head. Please let me know what you think, if youre reading stuff like that. Thanks Much ~Elisheva MrClean290@aol.com