Hey people! Here is part two. I would just like to thank everyone who sent e-mail in response to part one. It means a LOT to me, and I really appreciate it. So keep sending feedback, let me know how I am doing. On with the show.
I do not know Nsync, or any other famous characters that may or may not wind up in my story. Don't sue me, I have no money. hehe. If you should not read this, don't. If you don't like homosexual themes how the hell did you get here!? Oh well, nuff said. E-mail me!!
I followed Lance into his house. I could not stop my eyes from wandering down to his nice little bottom. I blushed at the act of checking out one of my best friends. My mind was attempting to wander off on little tangents, and I had to focus to keep from getting lost in my daydreams. When Lance came to a stop at the bottom of the stairs I almost ran into him. I reached out to steady myself, and placed my hand on his shoulder. I think he jumped a little at the contact. He turned around to face me with this quirky little smile playing at the corner of his lips.
"You can have the guest room, upstairs second door on the left. The bathroom, is right next door, and my room is just after that." He says in his wonderfully deep voice. He then does that little giggle that I find so perfect for him. "I guess you know that though. You have been here before after all."
"Yeah, but it has been a while." I say as I start to walk up the steps. "I haven't ever spent the night, so thanks for telling me. Oh, and thanks for having me over, I was not looking forward to spending the night all alone. By the way here." I hold out one of the two brown bags I have been carrying. "It's a bottle of wine for you, well for us, and a couple of cheesy horror movies I picked up for tonight."
As he takes the bag from me his fingers brush mine. I think they linger for a moment longer than is really necessary. Lance has a bit of a blush on his smooth pale cheeks. My heart does a little flip flop, as my mind goes into overdrive. I am more confused and scared than before. Is Lance flirting with me?
"Thanks JC, I'm sure the wine will help the evening along nicely." His grin is back in full force as he says this. "You know I hate horror movies, so you have to swear to protect me if we watch them."
His eyes are so beautiful as he says this. The depth of the color, as always, takes my breath away. There is a simplicity of form about his face, around his entire form. It is quite striking to me, even after all the years of knowing him. My mind swirls with emotion and confusion. Is Lance flirting with me?
"Of course Lance, I will do all that I can. We will stay up and drink the wine and talk. Watch the movies and just be crazy until all the monsters go away. I wouldn't let anything happen to you James." I smile at him as he smiles up at me. I pull away and turn up the stairs. This is driving me insane. I need to know the truth, but I am too afraid of what it might be.
I feel like laughing and crying at the same time as I walk into my room. The emotions are swirling inside of me. I really had it bad for Lance. He seemed to be flirting back with me, or was I just seeing what I wanted to see in the situation. I didn't want to destroy the friendship, but I wanted something more, I wanted the friendship to evolve. I wanted him to love me, the way that I was beginning to realize that I loved him.
I pulled off my socks and shoes and took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. I smiled at myself, and pushed the hair back off of my forehead. My nose it too big. That is all I can think as I look in the mirror. My anxiety doubles as I can not see how someone as wonderful as Lance could be interested in someone with such an ugly nose. Everyone has something they hat about themselves. Some feature or characteristic that is really not bad at all, but that sticks out in their minds like some hideous monstrosity of nature. My nose is like that to me.
I finally stop worrying and head back down the stairs. Lance is sitting on the huge light brown over stuffed leather sofa. He looks so relaxed, like some add you would see in a furniture magazine. I plop down on the opposite end of the sofa.
"I was wondering if you got lost up there or what. What took you so long?" He asks as he flips through the channels on the television in front of us.
"Oh, you know. I had to admire my room, and then I had to stare at myself in the mirror for a few minutes. I guess all the publicity about my good looks is finally going to my head." I smile as a blush creeps onto my cheeks.
"Oh, is that all. That is why I have so many mirrors in the house, can't get enough of myself." Lance says as he picks up the phone. "So, you like supreme pizzas right?" He asks as he dials the phone.
"Yep, everything but anchovies. Oh, and get some breadsticks with sauce. Love those things!" I say as I pull my feet up behind me. The only way to sit on a couch. "Lance, I'm going to fix something to drink. Do you want anything?" I say as I stand.
Lance holds his hand up in a waiting gesture. I stand and stare down at his soft blond hair as he finishes the order and stands up.
"Cool, I have Dr. Pepper, and I went out and bought some Diet Coke, cause I know how much you like it." He says as we walk to the kitchen.
"Thanks man, that is so cool of you. You didn't have to do that."
"I know I didn't have to. I wanted you to have a good time, and it wasn't that big of a deal. Besides I have grown rather fond of diet coke myself. Thanks to you, of course."
Lance pours us each a tall glass of diet coke. I swear diet coke is more addictive than cigarettes and probably most drugs. There is just something perfect about it. No calories, and a simple but robust taste. I go through withdraws if I don't have my fix on a regular basis. I smile as I take a long cold drink.
We spend a few minutes sitting and talking. Lance and I have so much in common it is amazing. It is nice to just chat with him without the other guys around, or a mob of fans. It is nice to be relaxed in his house, just hanging together. The doorbell chimes and Lance jumps up to go get the pizza. I walk over and take the box from him and let him carry the pizza sticks.
We grab a couple of slices each and start the first movie. It is an old movie, really cheesy, and fantastic. It is called Night of the Demons. I love these kinds of movies, Lance does too, but he gets a little jumpy afterwards.
"Oh, man!" Lance says as one of the characters puts her hands in the fire. Lance makes this weird little face and slides down the couch next to me. "Dude, this movie is crazy! I love it, but I am not sitting way down there by myself."
"Oh, poor little Lancey poo." I say as I slide my arms around his shoulders. To my surprise he snuggles back and sighs in contentment. My heart jumps with joy.
"You know Josh we are going to have to do this more often. I don't mind watching horror movies when you are around." Lance says idly as some one is decapitated on the television screen. We both chuckle at the incredibly bad special effects.
"You know, I love watching horror movies with you Lance." I say as I give him a little squeeze. "You don't get all screamy and excited like the other guys. You are just cool."
"Josh, why didn't you go with the others tonight?" He says as he sits up and looks at me. He has a serious intent look on his face.
"I don't like going out all the time. Don't get me wrong, it's fun on occasion, but they do far too often." I see a bit of a smile on his face. "Besides, I would much rather be here with you. I enjoy a little down time. It's nice to relax with someone you care about."
Lance has this big smile on his face now. Did I just tell Lance I cared about him? I gulp down my fear at this realization. I blush a bit and then decide to charge on ahead.
"Lance, I think it is time to open that bottle of wine." I say as we both stand and walk to the kitchen.
Lance grabs a couple of glasses out of the cabinet and I open the bottle. We then make our way back to the couch and I fill each of the glasses up. I notice Lance is sitting rather close to me. I can feel the heat of his body, as we both sip the wine.
"Lance, why did you invite me over tonight?" After I ask this Lance takes a large drink of his wine. He is flushed already, I realize I am too. Neither Lance nor I are big drinkers so it doesn't take long to feel the affects.
"Well, I didn't want to be alone." He says as he smiles and looks down at his hands. "I wanted to spend some time with you Josh. We always chat when we are together as a group, but I never get to see you one on one. I want you Josh, I mean...um, that is I want to get to know you."
The room is full of tension. I can feel it and I know Lance can feel it. I don't know what to say or do next. I feel torn in so many different directions. I want to just watch the movie. I also want to just tell Lance the truth. Silence, that is what is ringing in my ears, just strained silence. Suddenly there is a scream from the television. We both jump at the sudden sound, and start laughing. We laugh like mad men for a moment, and then I put my hand on Lances shoulder. He looks at me and the laughter dies in both of our throats.
"Lance, I have to tell you something." I say, as I feel the tension renewing itself.
"What is it Josh?" His eyes sparkle as he looks at me with concern and compassion etched on every centimeter of his face.
"Lance, please don't hat me. I just have to tell you before I drive myself crazy with doubt and question that I can't answer." I look down at the floor after I say this last part.
Lance places his finger under my chin. His hand is so warm, and I just thrill at this simple touch. He raises my head so that we are staring into each others eyes. God, I love his eyes.
"Josh, I could never ever hate you. Don't ever doubt the strength of our friendship. Tell me so that I can help you Josh." His eyes are a little misty.
"Lance, I'm...I'm not sure how to say this. I guess the best way is to just blurt it out like pulling off a band-aid. Just get it over with." I stop as I realize that I am babbling. "Lance, I'm gay."
His mouth drops open a little at the shock of the news. He stares at me and I can not take it. I feel the tears sliding down my face. I jump up and run up the stairs. I will not lose control in front of someone. I knew it would be a shock, I don't know what I was expecting but silence was not it. I was prepared for anything else, buttressed up for any other response. The silent shock was overpowering though.
I slammed the door to my room, as I try to catch my breath. I have to get out of here. I can go back to Justin's house, I can't stay here. Not with Lance hating me downstairs. Well, I don't actually think he hates me, but I can't stand to be here. I feel so exposed. I have revealed a part of myself that is usually hidden, kept deep inside of me. I feel like screaming. The knocking on my door causes me to jump.
"Josh, can I come in?" It is, of course, Lance. I look at the door and wish he would just go away.
"Yeah, it's your house." I finally say, when I realize he is not going to just go away.
The door sings open and there stands Lance. I can not help but wince and look away as I think of how I have exposed myself. I am supposed to be strong and I can not be. I look down at the bed, but I feel him walk over and sit down beside me.
"I don't hate you Josh." He says as he rubs his hand up and down my back. It's so soothing. "It just caught me by surprise. It's amazing how you can wish and fantasize about something for so long, and then when it finally happens you are just completely unprepared for it."
My head jerks up as he says this. There are tears in his perfect eyes now. He is completely flushed, and his lips are trembling. My heart is beating so fast, I imagine it is going to go bursting from my chest in a moment. I stare at him.
"Lance, do you mean that you are um..." I can not bring myself to complete the question. There is too much hope in me. If I finish the question and he gives the wrong answer I know that it will crush me. I stare at him, and wait for him to either bring my dreams to life, or crush me with the truth.
"Yeah, Josh, I'm gay. What's more I have had a crush on you for the longest time." He hastily wipes the tears from his face. What a sight we make, both sitting here crying and red faced. "I know that you could not possibly reciprocate my feelings, but I had to tell you after you told me." He is staring at me intently, I feel trapped by those eyes. "Say something Josh!"
I lean forward, it feels like everything is going in slow motion. My lips touch his and my heart jumps. My mind swirls, and my soul rejoices. I feel on fire, as if someone has just flipped the switch to turn me on. As if my life is just now beginning.
Lance's arms are around me, and mine are around him. The taste and texture of his lips, his tongue are just amazing. I have found the love I have been in so much need for. Lance pulls away and it takes a moment for me to open my eyes. When I finally do, Lance is smiling at me with such force it takes my breath away all over again.
"Am I dreaming?" Lance finally asks as he holds his hand to his lips.
"No, you are not dreaming. I think we have each just now woken up. That kiss was the most real think I have felt in the longest time." I say as I reach out and take his free hand in my own. His fingers twine with mine, and my heart jumps again.
"Josh, thank you. Thank you for taking the chance and opening up to me first. I don't think I would have had the courage to do it. Thank you for bridging the gap that separated us." Lance stand and I stand with him. I pull him into a hug. There is no kiss this time, just a simple wonderful hug. "Josh, don't be mad, I enjoyed the kiss and all, and I want to kiss you again, but I don't want to go any further just yet. Is that o.k.?" Lance asks as he grabs my shoulders and pushes me back so he can stare in my eyes.
"That is fine Lance. To be honest I don't think I am ready for anything more just yet, but soon. I will wait for you though." I say as I smile at him.
"Yeah, I think it will be soon, but we need to talk, and go out on a date first." He says as we walk down the stairs to the living room.
I sit on the couch with my legs sprawled out in front of me, and Lance sits between my legs and leans back against my chest. I feel so at peace. It is hard to remember that just a few moments ago I wanted to go running from the house. Just a few moments ago I felt so vulnerable, and now I feel so safe and content. For the first time in a long time I feel at home in my own skin. I kiss the top of Lances head and he giggles.
"How long have you known JC?" He asks after a moment.
"How long have I known that I was gay, or how long have I been falling for you?" I ask back. I pick up my cup and take a drink of the wine. Lance takes the cup from me and takes a drink himself.
"Both, I guess." He says as he sits the cup down on the coffee table.
"Well, I have always known that I was gay. At first I just knew something was different between me and my friends at school. Then I noticed that I liked to look at the guys. While they were asking girls out, I wanted to just hang with my buddies. I realized I was gay around 12 or 13, and started the Disney club thing shortly after. I never had time to worry about it until I met you. Then I could not help but think about it. I finally realized how lonely I was when I met someone I wanted to be with." I reach for the cup of wine and finish it off. "What about you?" I ask as I wipe the excess moisture from my lips.
"Pretty much the same, well except for the Mickey Mouse Club bit. I was so lonely that I just sealed myself off from everyone. My work and my family became the most important things to me. I think that is why I never really got close to the other guys. I couldn't, it hurt too much to see them, when I wanted to be like them so much." Lance sits up and grabs the bottle of wine. He takes a slug straight from the bottle and leans back into me. "It hurts to talk about it."
"I know me too. I think it is good that we share it with each other though. I know that you understand me and that I understand you. I threw myself into the work and so did you. There is a reason they think of us as the responsible ones. Now, at least, we can be responsible together." I say as I take the bottle from him and take a swig myself.
We talk for most of the night. Reliving old pains, and memories. We finish off the bottle of wine, and watch the other movie. I don't know when but I noticed that Lance had dozed off. I kissed the top of his head and let my own eye lids close. We just barely missed the first rays of the sun hitting the windows.
Well, that is the end of part two, write me and let me know what you think. Was it a bit too cheesy, was it any good?? Let me know people! Thanks. DC