Lost and Found

Lost and Found By DW Simon

I never planned to spend my life running. I didn't even realize I had until I got to San Antonio. Running and alone, not what I wanted at all, but what was.

I had worked various construction jobs since leaving home at 17. I haven't stayed in one place or held a job for any longer than three months until last year. I hit San Antonio and met some people, liked my job, and here I am. My boss, Brian, and I really hit it off. He is married and 25 to my 23. Every Friday after work, the crew would head to a bar; Brian usually joined us for at least one beer. After a few weeks at work, we started talking more than just pleasantries. Turned out we had both played basketball in school and still enjoyed watching the games. We decided to catch a few Spurs games.

During one of the games, Brian told me about his sister-in-law, how great she was, pretty, single, etc. I then turned to him and told him I was gay. I expected a bad reaction and that that night's game would be our last. Instead he laughed, said sorry and asked if I would like to meet his cousin Mark. We both laughed and everything was okay. It was nice to have him not care, or at least have it not matter so much. Each week our friendship grew greater and stronger. I was incredibly attracted to him, but nothing was going to happen, so I quashed those thoughts and just enjoyed having a close friend again. Okay, so he was beautiful with dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and when he was working in the hot sun would take his shirt off and I would have to catch my breath. We were friends, and a friend is something I hadn't had since before I left home. Even if he was so massively muscled with no fat on him or had a gorgeously hairy chest that covered his pectorals perfectly and grew so thick and dark along his sternum and continued south to whirl along his navel down into his jeans. And even if his jeans hugged the most perfect ass and bulged so invitingly, he was a friend. And straight. And married. Damn! After a few months, I hardly noticed his body anymore. Well just a little, here and there. I was afraid my staring was obvious, but I drew more attention because no matter how hot the Texan summer, I never was without my long sleeved shirt. I took some ribbing for it, but I never stripped down.

A few months later, Brian didn't show up at the site one Tuesday. He always showed up at least for a few hours. But, we did our work and came back the next day. By Friday, Brian had not showed up, we were worried . . . he never missed any time without contacting someone. After the obligatory beer with the crew - they also didn't care about my being gay - I headed home to my empty apartment and worried.

I had just crawled into bed when someone started pounding on my door, I got up and dressed and answered the door. There stood Brian, so miserable looking, unshaven and disheveled, and incredibly sad. He smiled at me sheepishly and giggled; I knew he was drunk. He staggered into my arms and I caught him before he fell and he asked if he could come in. "What's wrong?"

He started to cry and hiccup. "My wife left me, she moved out Monday while I was at work and had me served with divorce papers as I got home."

I was shocked; my apologies seemed to make him more upset.

"She left me and when I had my meeting with her and her lawyer today, she told me everything. Absolutely everything." He was so miserable. So lost. I knew he would tell me about it, he just needed some time to get it out. Well, sleep was overrated anyway.

Over the next few hours, I got the whole story. Brian's wife had been having an affair off and on since they had started dating in high school. She was pregnant and wanted to marry the baby's father. When I asked why she thought Brian wasn't the father, he told me he and his wife hadn't slept together that often recently and when they did, she made him use a condom. He was devastated; he really wanted to be a daddy. When he found out she was pregnant, he thought he was the father and so happy about it. But he wasn't and she had had the blood work done to prove it. He was so devastated that he started crying again. He was one of those who became weepy when drunk. I decided a cab home would be a waste.

I helped him off the couch and helped guide him to my room. Brian is 6' 6" and even though I am 6' 3" he outweighs me by a good 60 pounds. Needless to say, it was a long and trying trip the twenty feet to my bedroom. He collapsed on the bed and I tugged his shoes off, rolling him onto his side into the middle of my full size bed. I then grabbed the sheet from the bottom of the bed and covered him. He murmured a little and started to relax. I grabbed a blanket from the closet and covered him with it. I intended to sleep on the couch and grabbed my quilt and was heading for my pillow. Brian grabbed my arm and pulled me down on the bed with him. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear.

"Don't leave me alone Simon. Please?"

"Shh. I won't go." I than wrapped my arms around him and just held on. Rocked him a little back and forth and smoothed his hair. He drifted off to sleep and I knew it had been a mistake. All these months I had lied to myself, and now I knew the truth. I had fallen in love with my friend. I started to cry a little and must have woken Brian.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Then why the tears?"

"I would have to be a stone cold bastard to not hurt when my best friend is hurting," and I gave him a tremulous smile that I hoped didn't wobble too much or reveal what I had just figured out. He then leaned forward and kissed my check and thanked me for being there, he hadn't known where else to go. He drifted off again. I just lay there and waited for the sun to rise. I couldn't sleep. It wasn't my feelings or even his presence that kept me from sleeping; I just can't relax and sleep around another person. Just one of the many reasons I was alone.

The next morning, Brian asked me to help him at his home. He needed to clean out some things and didn't want to do it alone. I waited for him to shower away the hangover, trying hard not to think of his big, strong, hairy body in my shower. It somewhat worked, it helped out straightening my bed and clothes. I was lost when he came out of the bathroom, wearing a smile and a towel, low on his hips. He was such a large man that his thigh showed through the slit in the towel. Strong, tanned and hairy . . . he was so beautiful, I couldn't catch my breath. His smile made my stomach drop and my chest tighten.

"Can I borrow some clothes till I get home?"

I simply nodded like an idiot and got him some of my baggier clothes. On the way to his house I tried not to think of my underwear hugging his crotch and caressing his ass. I crossed my legs, no easy feat in a truck, to hide my growing arousal.

We spent the day packing up all of his wife's stuff. Hour upon hour we packed clothes and pictures; only her personal items. Apparently, she had gone out of the country to get a quick divorce. She didn't want anything from Brian and he was so disgusted with her he just wanted her out. We packed up her stuff and called for a mover to come and pick it up. It was just about sunset when we were done. He said he wanted no reminders. After the movers, I helped him move his things out of the master bedroom into a guest room with a queen sized bed and a huge closet with a great bathroom with a huge walk-in shower and two-person Jacuzzi tub. His house was quite large with three bedrooms. The previous owners designed the room he moved to as a mother-in-law apartment. The house was shaped like a U and in the middle was a large pool and patio. I liked his house a lot.

When his new room was arranged, as he liked it, he asked if I wanted to go for a swim and declined. He then offered to take me to dinner and he gave me some of his clothes. I went into his spare bathroom upstairs and prepared for my shower. The mirror on the wall was huge, at least 6' by 4'. I couldn't cover it, so after locking the door, I hurried and tried not to look in the mirror. Tried but failed. All the warm feelings I was having disappeared and after the shower told Brian I couldn't go with him. I asked him to take me back to my place and when he did I told him I would see him Monday at work. I knew he wanted to ask questions, but I couldn't answer them and was grateful when he let it go. I went inside and cursed myself for trying to be normal, for hoping to have something I never would.

Six weeks later, my lease was up on my apartment. I thought about leaving San Antonio and finding someplace new. I just couldn't face another move; if I was honest, I couldn't leave Brian. But, I couldn't stay at my apartment either, they were demolishing or remodeling, something. So I told Brian the next day at work that I would be moving, but didn't know where. He asked me if I needed help moving. I told him I always lived in furnished apartments and had nothing but clothes and one or two personal items, everything fit in my truck and that's how I liked it. I realized how pathetic it sounded, how lonely. Brian suggested I live in his house with him. With him in the downstairs, I would have the upstairs bedrooms to myself. I didn't want to agree, I knew I would end up hitting on him or throwing myself at him. So I was surprised when my mouth agreed before I had thought it through completely. That weekend I moved in and we started a very good living arrangement.

Over the next few months, we talked and laughed and played. We were teenagers again. We would roughhouse and laugh; we barbequed and shared chores. It was the most fun I had had in years. I didn't worry about the past, only enjoyed the moment. Every Sunday I would call my dad at home and catch up with him. Things were going so well. Brian didn't even question some of my weird habits; how I slept with my bedroom door locked and only showered with the bathroom locked inside my locked bedroom. The master bathroom had a deep tub, and I preferred it, felt safer.

About six months after his divorce, Brian told me he was going on a date on Friday. I knew I loved him, but still could wish him happiness. He then floored me by asking why I didn't date.

"It's been four months since you've been here. You don't date, you don't go anywhere unless with me, or to run errands. Why?"

I kept trying to steer him away from the questions I couldn't answer. But, he kept persisting.

"If you think I would mind you bringing someone home with you I don't. Do you think I would care about something like that?"

He was so hurt I had to tell him that I knew he wasn't like that. But he just wouldn't let it go. He asked all the questions that I knew he wanted to, I had just hoped to have some more time before it was all over. Thankfully the phone rang and saved me. It was my dad. I just listened; he never called unless there was an emergency. I heard what he said and felt like I was drowning. The panic took over, I couldn't breath, and the room swam. I was able to tell him goodbye before sinking to the floor, hyperventilating.

Brian was on me instantly. I was wearing a western style shirt with snap buttons; he had given it to me for my 24th birthday. He pulled the collar open in such a rush; he yanked almost all of the snaps open down to my belly. That's when he saw the deep scar on my chest. He ran his fingers along it and he noticed another which he followed, then another, and another after that. He looked into my eyes and knew I was too far into my panic attack to answer his obvious questions. He worked with me, tried to calm me, matched his breathing to mine than slowed it. He helped me up and to the sofa. He sat across from me on a chair he pulled up until I calmed down.

"I think you need to tell me what happened. I now know why you are always covered up, but I think there is more to it than that. You love your father and are always so happy to talk to him. You were terrified. Why?"

I took a deep breath. I didn't want to talk about it. But, there was no choice and I started talking.

"My mom died when I was 16. She had been sick with cancer for 3 years. It was almost a blessing when she died. My dad had kept it together the entire time she was sick. He held on when she died, through the funeral and the gathering afterwards at the house. When the last person left, he collapsed to his knees at the stairs to the bedrooms. I helped him up and half carried him to his room, away from where my mother's sick bed had been. I helped him into bed and covered him. I had never seen my dad cry before. He was inconsolable.

"I made my way downstairs, thinking to clean up before he woke up in the morning. I came into the kitchen to find my best friend Jason loading the dishwasher. He had gathered plates and glasses and had bagged some garbage. I went in to help him and we quickly finished. He helped me to my room where grief took over. Jason put me to bed, slipped off my shoes and just held me. But I couldn't stop crying. Jason kept trying to quiet me, but it did no good. Finally he kissed me. Slow and steady. It was wonderful and I stopped crying and fell asleep. I woke up alone.

"She died just at the beginning of summer. My dad took a leave of absence and we spent most of the summer together. When we got home so I could go back to school, I went to see Jason. I wanted to thank him for everything the night of the funeral. When I got to his home, he was cold, aloof, almost like he didn't want to see me. I realized he was embarrassed by what had happened. I knew the kiss didn't mean anything. That it only happened to try and calm me down. I tried to tell him. He just said forget it and shut the door in my face.

"Jason was a year older, he was a senior to my junior. In early November, Jason came over to my house one Friday. We had hardly spoken in the previous months. We were alone and he wanted to apologize for how he treated me. He said he didn't mean for anything to affect our friendship, but it had. He then hugged me. I was just glad that we were friends again. I pulled back and looked at him with a goofy grin. He stilled and leaned in and kissed me again. One thing led to another and we were naked on my bed. I started kissing him on his chest and stomach, going down further and further. I ended up blowing him. I thought that maybe we were going to be together; maybe we would be lovers and friends. After he came, he was up and out my door. I was confused and a little hurt. I didn't understand. The next day I went to see him at his house and he refused to see me, saying he had homework. I figured fine, no big deal. He regretted what happened. So I decided to give him time. I went to school on Monday and thought no more of it. Well, much anyway.

"We were both into sports, him football, wrestling, and baseball. I was into swimming, basketball, and track. My school set up for all teams to have PE together just before lunch so the coaches could work with us on technique, exercise, and whatnot. We were both in the class. I was working on the basketball courts and the football team was in the weight room off the gym floor. I was playing basketball and my team was skins. We were playing really well and I just lost myself in the game. It wasn't until someone on the opposite team was throwing free throws that I saw Jason outside of the weight room, staring at me. I developed early and was one of the first to get a hairy chest. I was standing there in my shorts and there was Jason, staring at me, he was hard as a rock in his loose shorts. I ignored him to finish the game. When the bell rang for end of class, I helped put away the equipment and was late going to the showers. I got in to the locker room and went in to the showers alone. I let the warm water sooth my confusion over Jason and his actions.

"When I got out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around me and was heading for my locker when I saw Jason watching me. I walked by him to go to my locker. He grabbed my arm and pushed me back. He punched me in the stomach. My towel dropped. I stood up and he punched me in the jaw. He then grabbed me and slammed me into the wall. It was cement blocks covered with a mirror. My head crashed into the mirror and it broke. I was blacking out and slipping to the floor. He was still hard was all I thought as I blacked out."

I swallowed hard and took off my shirt so Brian could see. I then stood up and dropped my jeans, toed off my shoes and socks and stood in front of him in my boxers.

"I woke up in the hospital twelve days later. I had a tube in my throat to breath for me. My left leg and arm were in a cast and my chest and back were wrapped in bandages. My dad was sitting by my bed, holding my hand. I hurt so bad Brian. I couldn't talk, I couldn't move much. My dad was so happy to see me awake. He kissed my cheek and told me he loved me. I kept mouthing that I was so sorry. He kept telling me that I had nothing to be sorry for. Later, I was given a report of my injuries."

I pointed on my body to Brian as I listed them. I had my left shin broken and in a cast. My left forearm was snapped and also in a cast. My spleen and one kidney had been removed as well as several feet of my upper and lower intestine. My chest and back, upper arms and thighs were lacerated repeatedly. Some deep, some superficial, all had been painful.

"I was given the police report six weeks later, once I was out of my casts. When I didn't get up, Jason proceeded to kick me, stomping on my leg and arm, trying to wake me up. When that didn't work, he picked up a chunk of the mirror and proceeded to cut me repeatedly. Two of the coaches came into the room and saw me bleeding on the ground with Jason kicking my stomach. They had to sit on Jason to stop him. His last kick hit me in the throat and bruised my larynx. One coach performed a tracheotomy on me while waiting for the ambulance. I used to be able to sing, but all the damage to my throat destroyed my range. I had to learn how to walk again because the tendons in my leg were so badly damaged. I had to learn how to talk again after the tube was removed from my throat. Jason was eighteen and arraigned while I was still unconscious. He pled guilty and was sentenced to ten years.

"I was prepared to go back to school once I left the hospital. But, the school graduated me so I wouldn't and avoid the scandal. Three months after the attack, I was getting ready to leave the hospital for good, and was getting dressed when I saw it in the mirror. They had hidden the mirrors from me so I could only see the scars on my arms and chest and legs. I now knew why my dad was pressing for plastic surgery."

I stood up and turned my back to Brian and lowered my boxers over my left cheek. There, carved into my flesh was the word FAG. It was crude but legible. I pulled up my shorts and sat again, unable to raise my eyes to Brian. I knew if I saw pity, I would lose what little control I had.

"Just as I finished dressing, Jason's dad stormed into my room. I was still in shock. He started screaming at me, accusing me of ruining his son's life. How I seduced his boy and ruined his chances at college and pro ball. It was too much. I curled into a ball in the corner, afraid to look up, hyperventilating and terrified. My dad came in then and called for security. They couldn't calm me down; they ended up letting me hyperventilate until I passed out. When I woke, I told my dad I was leaving, I wasn't coming back. He asked me not to go, begged me; offered to come with me. I just shook my head and left that night. He gave me $5000 and hugged me. Told me he loved me and that nothing was my fault. I've been on the run since then. I have been in San Antonio the longest since I left. That was almost seven years ago.

"I know it's pathetic, but, I couldn't face anyone, I couldn't let anyone know what had happened. Now you know."

"What did your dad say on the phone to you to cause you to freak?" His voice wasn't quite normal, scratchy, but I still couldn't look at him.

"Jason is up for parole tomorrow." I then forced myself to look at Brian. What I saw shocked me, he had tears running down his face and he looked so incredibly, I don't know, proud maybe.

"What? Why the tears?"

He smiled at me. "I would have to be a stone cold bastard not to hurt when my best friend is hurting." Then he hugged me, long and hard.

It was okay. He didn't hate me or pity me, well maybe a little, but it didn't change anything. That day Brian hauled me out to the pool still in my underwear and threw me in. We swam for most of the day before he made me get out and put on some sunscreen. It had been more than seven years since my body had felt the direct sunlight. He knew all my scars and it didn't scare him or gross him out. He just was my friend. If I hadn't already loved him I would have fallen right then. He even convinced me that the scars were light enough and faint enough to wear long shorts and t-shirts; which we went out and bought Monday night. Up to that point it was jeans and long sleeved shirts. He even talked me into v-necked ones. It had been a very long time since I had seen my body for any length of time. I was stronger in the chest and arms. My chest was covered in golden fur as was my belly and lower arms to about mid bicep. I had no fat on me that I could see. I wasn't bad looking. At 6'3" and about 215 I was not so awful. I wasn't going to rush out and start modeling, but as long as my ass was covered, I was like a survivor of a car crash, the scars were there, but no one knew how they happened. That week at work, I even took off my shirt at the work site. Some just looked, they wanted to ask but didn't. Others just saw what was my obvious reason for my modesty and accepted. Wednesday I went grocery shopping while Brian stayed home and did laundry. When I got home, Brian hugged me again then held me away from him to look at me. His throat was working for a couple of minutes before he spoke.

"We will work something out for the mirror in your bathroom." I felt like a lovesick puppy. It was getting harder and harder to keep my feelings to myself. He had gone into my bathroom to check for towels and saw how I had covered my mirror up, except for a small patch to shave by. That week had become the best of my life. I swam again and sunned myself. I let the world see some of my scars and they looked, but didn't shun me.

Friday came a little too soon for my liking, but I wished Brian well on his date and saw him to the door. I was surprised when I saw him again two hours later. He stomped into the house and collapsed on the sofa totally dejected.

"I didn't date anyone in high school but my wife. I am out of practice and pissed off. God, Simon, it was awful."

I tried to ask him how it went. He told me she didn't laugh at his jokes, wasn't interested in any of his hobbies or work and then flirted with a guy at the next table during dessert. I tried to help; I asked him what the jokes were. I laughed so hard at them. Then, to try and cheer him, I made faces at him.

He laughed. "I love you Simon."

I thanked the gods for that, my heart sped up to bursting speed and I couldn't breath. "Thank god, I love you so much." I lunged for his mouth and kissed him. His lips were so soft and tasted of the coffee he had drunk at dinner. I was lost in the kiss; my head spinning. Then, slowly, I realized that I was the only one involved in the kiss. I opened my eyes to see his, wide open and shocked. I pulled back and felt my heart rip in two. I whispered "sorry" and "I understand" and was up, out the door in my truck and two blocks away in 30 seconds. I drove around for a couple of hours. When I was too tired to drive I pulled into an all night coffee shop and had some coffee and pushed around some food on a plate. I knew I would have to leave. No matter how Brian may care for me, I knew it wouldn't work out. I drove home about 4 AM and went upstairs to pack. I was halfway through my packing when I heard Brian behind me.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Packing. Look Brian, I'm sorry for misreading things. But, I think it would be best if I left. You are a good man and despite this evening's disastrous date, you are going to meet someone wonderful, she will knock your socks off and give you everything you want and need. You will have beautiful children and grow old together in this house." I turned to him and smiled through the tears. "Be well Brian. You deserve so much happiness and joy."

I then picked up my bags and went to walk by him. He stood in the doorway in his white BVDs. It was unfair; he was beautiful. All hairy and strong with a slight frown pinching his eyebrows. I stopped in front of him, waiting for him to move. He stepped back after looking me in the eyes. I made it halfway down the hall when his voice stopped me.

"Your dad called after you left." I stopped and spun around. My dad only called if there was an emergency.

"What's wrong with my father? What happened Brian, tell me?" I knew my voice was panicked but I couldn't help it.

"Jason was released on Thursday and came to see your father today. He wants to see you."

All my strength to hold up my bags fled my arms. My hands refused to let go and the weight of the bags dragged me down with them. My vision blurred and I knew I was hyperventilating and couldn't stop. Brian was right there in front of me again. But he couldn't stop this attack. I was too emotional, too tired to fight the panic and passed out from lack of oxygen.

I woke up in my bed, facing the windows. I rolled over to get my face out of the sun, and saw Brian lying next to me. It all came back. I knew I needed to get out of there, but I couldn't stop looking at him sleeping. My eyes started to tear up. I loved him so much. A few minutes later, I shook myself and went to climb out of bed. Brian's hand latched onto my arm and he pulled me back down to him.

"You said some nice things to me, then planned on leaving before I could respond. You're not going anywhere." I wasn't afraid of him, but I knew not to fight him either.

"You are the best friend I have ever had. You were there when my wife left me. You helped me put my life back together. I do love you and have felt that way for some time. But I couldn't sleep with you. There was a wall between my feelings and sex. I didn't know it was there and I didn't see it. Sex was never an issue, not even a possibility; until you kissed me. My god, I was hard as a rock for two hours after you left. If it hadn't been for your father's phone call, I would still be. While on that awful date, I kept thinking how you would have gotten the jokes and you would have been able to talk to me. Then I knew I wouldn't have even had to try to joke with you. We could have talked or not, joked or not, it wouldn't have mattered; we click."

Brian then lowered to me and kissed me, deep and hot. He licked at my teeth and nibbled my lower lip. He delved his tongue into my mouth and caressed mine with his. We kissed so long and so hard; we were almost suffocating each other. He pulled back and looked at me.

"I love you, and I am in love with you." Brian then leaned down and kissed my chin. "One of us has too many clothes on."

I was still dressed but he was only in his underwear. He pulled my shirt off me and unsnapped my jeans and pulled them and my socks off. We were both in white jockey briefs. He spent a long time looking at me, head to toe. He then reached out his hand and placed it over my erection. I was so hard and his touch made me twitch and shudder. He then moved his hand back and forth over my shaft and sped up when I moaned. While he moved his hand he rubbed his own underwear-clad erection against my thigh while kissing my neck. I wanted him to slow down, to make it last, all too soon I was at the point of no return. I cried out and came against his thrusting palm. Brian bit down on my neck as I convulsed five, six, seven times in my underwear against his palm. Brian pulled up from my neck to look at me.

I was embarrassed that I had come so quickly. Ten strokes of his hand and I shot off. I turned my head away. But he cupped my chin and pulled me back. "What's wrong?"

"I didn't want it to be over so soon."

"That was just round one."

That mollified me for a bit, but I still felt bad. "I didn't want it to be so one sided."

He laughed and took my hand and carried it to his crotch. The front panel of his briefs were sopping with his come. He had come while I had.

"I have never come so hard or so quickly before in my life. It was great." Brian told me before he kissed me again. He then reached down and pulled off my briefs and then lost his. He covered me with his body and his hard cock rested against mine. The leftovers of our come lubed us as he thrust against me, wrapping his arms tight around me; holding me to him. "You make me so hard Simon. So, so hard." He kissed my neck, my earlobe, my chin, over and over. My head started to spin. He moaned and groaned against my neck. I knew I was close to coming again and wanted to warn Brian, but he was lost to the sensations. He thrust harder and faster, grinding his hips into mine and his cock into the soft fur of my belly. He cried out my name as I felt his hips spasm against me and warm fluid jetted between us, up my chest and covered my belly. When the convulsions stopped, he collapsed completely on me, all 275 pounds of him. It would have been welcome and wonderful, but I was past the point of calming down. I was so turned on but I couldn't move against Brian, he had me so firmly imbedded against him I couldn't reach my cock. I was frantic to come. I was too aroused to just lay back but not close enough to trip over the edge. I humped against Brian and whimpered. I was desperate. After a few seconds and pitiful whimpers, Brian leaned up and smiled. I was so on edge, writhing beneath him. I had never been to that spot and been forced to stop, I needed to come.

"Sorry sweetheart." And Brian started kissing my neck again, sliding his tongue in the hollow of my throat, coursing down to my chest. He licked my nipple and tugged on it gently with his teeth. He licked up his own come as he moved down to my belly button. He swirled his tongue around it then went dipping in as if he could tongue fuck me. He then drifted lower, pulling my erection to his lips, he swirled his tongue around the head, cleaning off my first and diving on my rod for the second. He used his tongue against the sensitive underside and crown while bobbing up and down. A minute or so later I exploded against his tongue, where he proceeded to milk me until my spasms calmed. I lay there spent and vacant while Brian moved up to kiss me again, sharing my ejaculation with me.

"You taste good." I laughed against his neck. We couldn't keep our hands still, we stroked and rubbed and delved all over each other's body. His chest hair was so soft and his skin so warm. We kissed and nuzzled each other for quite some time when I noticed he was hard against my belly again. I looked down and saw we were both standing at attention and laughed.

Brian then leaned against me and whispered in my ear, "will you fuck me?"

I looked up at him, and had to tell him. "Brian, I've never been with anyone before, what I did with Jason doesn't count. I could never relax enough to get close to anyone. I know what to do, but don't know how to be gentle or finesse a response from you. My very inexperience could cause me to hurt you. I don't want that."

"Simon, if all you ever want to do is what we have done is fine with me. I love you and don't want to cause you any problems. I know you are a virgin and I want you and I want you to make love to me. I've never been fucked and you've never fucked. I think we should both be new to this."

I nodded and kissed him on the chin. He rolled over onto his stomach and spread his legs. I caressed his back and massaged his shoulders. Where my hands trailed, my lips and tongue followed. I stroked his warm, smooth skin following his spine down to his buns. I stroked them and kissed them before licking up one globe and down the other. He tasted like sweat and man and I was lost. I stroked his crack with my fingers, brushing over his rosebud over and over again. Brian started to moan against the bed. My tongue replaced my fingers. He twitched and groaned against the pillow. As I licked him, he started to open. I licked the opening and delved inside. I sucked on the surrounding skin and bit gently on the outside. He moaned and started to beg. I got on my knees between his thighs and placed the head of my cock to his hole and gently pushed. His sphincter parted instantly and let me slide in. Brian gasped and tensed up a little. I was prepared to pull out when he relaxed suddenly and told me to make love to him. I lay out fully on his back, my legs entwined with his. I started to stroke slowly inside him, back and forth. Short strokes led way to long ones that almost had me pulling out of him. He was so tight and so warm. He started to squeeze me with his internal muscles. We started to sweat and move in a better rhythm. Oh god, he felt so good. He bucked against me, moved with me. His cries were feral, almost reverential; my own moans matched his. Even though we had both come twice already, I was ready again almost instantly. I slowed down, trying to draw out the heady sensations. I would pull almost out and his tight muscles pulled me back. I started to feel my orgasm approach and I knew it would be over soon. I thrust into him deeply, once, twice, and then I came. It didn't want to stop, my cock convulsed over and over again as I jetted cum into his waiting hole. I thrust into him one last time, spent, when I felt him convulse, his sphincter clamping down as he found his own release. He moaned with each spasm as he spurted onto the sheets.

I kissed his shoulder and rubbed his arms. I started to nuzzle the back of his neck and I moved to pull out of him. He reached behind and grabbed my hips, asking me to stay. I settled back onto him and just wrapped my arms around him. I heard him clear his throat.

"That explains a lot."

"What?"

"Sex before had been, not uncomfortable, but almost a chore to finish. I never came more than once a night. Here I am, having cum 3 times and wanting to again. I never shot off so quick before either. It was always difficult with my wife to get off. She would come three or four times before I would. I often wondered if I was good, slow, or just plain bad. But the slightest thing distracted me and I would have to build up again. With you, just touching you and I'm ready to blast off."

I kissed his back again and slid out of him and lay on my back. "Your turn."

Brian looked at me and started kissing me, working his body down mine; he was so hard against my leg. Feeling him want me made me hard again too. He slid down and tongued my cock and rubbed and stroked my thighs. He lifted me up and moved his tongue down to my balls and laved them with his tongue, moving down to my crack. He tongued me. I almost shot off the bed. It felt so good; his tongue was warm and wet, moving in slow circles around my hole. He stuck his middle finger against my pucker and pushed slightly. He slipped it in to the knuckle and moved it in and out. I jumped again and almost purred it felt so good. He continued to stroke me with his fingers, glancing against my prostate. I was in heaven. When he lowered me to his cock, I was beyond pain and beyond caring. He slid into me slowly and surely, stroking slightly until I completely relaxed. Then he started moving against me, faster and faster. Each time he thrust into me, he hit my prostate. I may have been a virgin when the day started, but I knew what an orgasm was, had caused myself to have quite a few. This was different. It built up from my center and moved out to my fingers and toes, then came crashing back to the center again. I must have shot cum all over Brian's chest, face, and stomach. I was lost to the sensations and only slightly aware of my ass clamping on him with each spasm. As my orgasm subsided to just a trickle, Brian moaned out and shuddered into me. He collapsed on me and we kissed, slowly; soul-searching kisses that lasted forever. I was so happy.

Later, Brian and I walked to the tub and soaked for a while, giving our newly opened bodies a chance to soak. We made love in the tub as well, sloshing water on the floor. We didn't care. We spent the whole weekend in bed together. We only got up to swim in the pool and feed ourselves when our energy was running low.

He told me that I could have all of my scars removed if I wanted but one. He asked me to keep my tracheotomy scar because it had saved my life. Each night as we go to sleep, he kisses it lovingly before wrapping me in his arms and holding me through the night.

Brian and I spent our first weekend together making love, swimming in the pool, eating naked in the kitchen, and smiling at each other like goofy teenagers. Monday morning came much too quickly. We woke to the alarm and showered together. We shouldn't have. Brian slid his hands along my chest, raking through my furry chest hair, rasping my nipples, as he sank to his knees. He laved the head of my cock with his tongue before diving to the base in one swift motion. His warm breath puffed around my shaft as he caught his breath. His tongue worked miracles on me. His throat milked me and his wet mouth, bobbing back and forth along my shaft, brought me to the brink quickly. I came, my cock shuddering on his tongue as he accepted all I had to give him. My head had been leaning back against the wall, but when I looked down to him, he licked his lips, savoring my flavor, before standing and holding my face in his hands. Between the lather and the water not to mention the long, drugging kisses, we were 20 minutes late getting to the construction site. It had only been 8 days since I had shown Brian my scars and only a couple of days since we had become lovers. We hadn't discussed how we would handle things or even what we would tell people. I didn't think anything of it that morning; I was still glowing. But I realized I had never gone down on Brian. He had done so often, and really seemed to enjoy it. But, I associated it with what Jason had done to me. Somehow I knew that Brian understood that. I am definitely going to get past this. I want to share this with Brian and I need to do this. Soon.

After hopping out of the truck, I went to work and Brian went into the construction trailer. A couple of the guys at work commented on how it was obvious I had gotten lucky that weekend. I took their ribbing and went to work, knowing my face was glowing red and on fire. But, I wasn't going to tell anybody about what Brian and I had shared. This was something we would need to discuss together.

About 11AM I needed to go into the trailer to check with the plans on a couple of ducting issues. I really only went in there to check the plans. But, I found Brian bent over his desk, reading some notes he had written. He was so beautiful. He is 6' 6" and about 270#. His dark, chocolate brown hair was shiny and slightly curly, mussed where he had run his fingers through his hair. His soft, deep voice came to me at the door, he was singing. I was hard as a rock instantly. I dropped my hard hat and walked right up to him and rubbed my jean-clad erection against his ass. He went to stand up and I just pushed him down, his face flat against his desk. I reached for the front hem of his t-shirt and dragged it over his head, leaving the shirt around his shoulders and I began rubbing his chest; running my fingers through the thick, soft hair and rasping his nipples with my fingers. I heard and felt his breath shudder. I knelt down and undid his belt. I unsnapped his jeans and pulled them down his legs. He had his t-shirt wrapped against the back of his shoulders and his jeans around his ankles with his white BVDs hugging his ass. I licked the back of his thighs as I pulled the waistband of his underwear down only enough to reveal his crack, keeping his stiff cock covered. I spread his legs enough to get my face in there, tonguing him until he opened then laved his hole with enough spit to ease the way. I stood and opened my fly and released my straining erection and shoved into him with one swift, hard thrust. I was overwhelmed with the need to take him. I needed him to whimper and be helpless. I was an animal and lost to the sensations as I pounded into him. He was moaning and groaning with each thrust. I reached around him and rubbed his shaft through his underwear. I wanted him to cum. I needed him to lose it. I didn't understand what I was feeling, but I needed it. I became an animal rutting against his mate; using my cock to boldly tell the world that this was mine.

He was beyond grunting now, just panting heavily. I bit his back as I pumped, harder and faster. I felt him clamp around my shaft as he came. He spurted into my hand through his underwear and called out my name. I thrust a few more times before I exploded into him. The sound of Brian calling out my name as he climaxes always causes me to cum. After my cock stopped spurting, I collapsed back against the wall, sliding down until I was sitting, panting and trembling. Guilt overcame me, I knew I had hurt Brian, forced him into having sex and forcing him to cum fast and hard. My God, I had raped him. I had never known this driving force and had been powerless; but it was no excuse. I was devastated; I thought for sure it was all over now. I threw my arm over my eyes and trembled while the tears slowly came.

I heard his keys jangle as he pulled his jeans up. I became hard again hearing him button his fly and the shifting of his shirt. I had just ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me and I get hard hearing him put on his clothes after fucking him within an inch of his life. I hoped he would leave rather than yell or scream. His knee popped as he knelt beside me, he touched my hand over my eyes. I lost it. I clung to him and started crying. Repeating over and over how sorry I was. "I'm so, so sorry, Brian."

He pulled me away from him and looked at me; he looked confused. "Why are you sorry? I can hardly walk; my legs are trembling. It was wonderful."

"Brian, I forced you. I took you against your desk. We didn't even kiss."

He chuckled then saw my pain and confusion and grew misty-eyed before hugging me close. His voice cracked as he told me, "Simon, I forget how innocent you are sometimes."

He stroked my hair and soothed me with soft murmurs of love. "Simon, look at me." He commanded and I raised my eyes to his. He cupped my face in his hands and rubbed his thumbs under my eyes to wipe away the tears.

"Simon, oh Simon. I am bigger and stronger than you. You could never force me to do anything. Do you have any idea how good you make me feel? How attractive I feel right now?" I shook my head at him.

"You needed me so badly, wanted me so much, that you came into the office and took me against my desk. Anyone could have walked in and seen us, and you didn't care. You just needed me. We spent the weekend discovering ourselves, our bodies. Yes, we were gentle and loving, always considerate and always patient. But, we don't always have to be. You needed me and I need you. When we love, we can be slow and steady or fast and furious. I love you so much."

I curled against him then and kissed him the kiss we should have shared. I will always be grateful that he had found me. Happy, we kissed for a few more minutes. He pulled away and smiled at me, ruffling my hair.

"I am a mess, and grateful I keep extra clothes here. I need to go downtown to the office for a meeting. We will have to do some of my rough and ready fantasies when I get home tonight." He took off his clothes, going to the desk and removing his spares. He looked at his sticky underwear and laughed. He simply went without. He walked up to me with his underwear in his hands and shoved them into my pocket, telling me to think of him until later when we could try out his fantasies.

I wanted to ask, but knew that since I had surprised him, he could surprise me later. The day was a wash for me. I couldn't focus on anything but what Brian and I had shared the last few days. About three, the foreman sent me home until I could get me head on straight. I went out to the pool once I got home and stripped before diving into the cool, refreshing water. I was floating on my back, wondering at how my life had changed so much that I could enjoy swimming and being naked again, when Brian found me. My ears were below the water so I didn't hear him at first. But, I saw his shadow as he got ready to dive in. He broke the water as I stood up and surfaced right in front of me. He kissed me and slid his hand into my hair, pulling my head back and slurping and biting hard at my throat. I felt him hard against my belly and I instantly sprang to attention. He grabbed my arms and dragged me to the stairs, laying me against them and covering me with his body. He hooked his arms under my knees and pulled me closer to his hips. He thrust his cock to the hilt inside me and began to thrust hard against me. The water sloshed around us and over my mouth and eyes. It was a little like being lost at sea. I felt him speed up and knew it wouldn't be much longer before he came inside me. I was powerless against his thrusts and knew how Brian had felt this morning against his desk. Thinking of how much power I had given to him I instinctively knew he wouldn't hurt me. It turned me on beyond imagining. He bit down on my shoulder and I came against his belly just as he stopped his thrusts and spurted deep inside me.

"Welcome home, Brian." He laughed and kissed me. We went inside and had dinner. He told me that the foreman had called him and let Brian know I was acting oddly. Brian decided then and there that we needed some time away from work to calm ourselves. But he didn't think it would work. He laughed and told me he thought we would still be hot for each other when we were eighty, we would just be a little arthritic to go at it like we have been. He told me we were off for the next two weeks. He asked me if I wanted to go somewhere. I told him how much I missed my father and would really like to go see him. He called the airlines and we were on our way in the morning to Oregon and home. We sat in the front of the plane. Both of us being so tall, he said the expense was worth it to fly first class. He almost talked me into escorting him into the bathroom to join the mile high club. I instead promised him a surprise when he least expected it.

We rented a car and drove to my old home. I wasn't really nervous, just apprehensive, hoping, I wouldn't panic like I had been. As we pulled into my dad's driveway, I forgot to be anything but happy to see my dad again. We got out and walked to the door. I had always just walked in, but now, I didn't know what to do. I was saved when the door opened and there stood dad. He hadn't changed at all. He was about my height and had the same golden hair that I did. I was a bit stronger and heavier, but we were a lot alike. He sputtered in surprise before grabbing me in a big bear hug, lifting me off the ground. He pulled me into the house and had us both sit down. We quickly caught up; all the while he kept reaching out to me, touching me as if to confirm I was really there. I got up to fix dinner for the three of us. While chopping vegetables, I heard dad grill Brian. I was embarrassed at first, then pleased when I realized that they were both very serious about the questions and answers. I felt very loved.

That night, Brian and I crawled into my old bed. I had slept naked since Brian and I had gotten together, even though it had only been a few days. But in my old home, I couldn't. Brian somehow knew that I was unsure of what to do and he just pulled me to him on the bed. I had only taken off my jeans and socks and he was in his BVDs. He kissed me slowly, stroking my cheek with his hand. He pulled back from the kiss and wrapped me in his arms, spooning behind me and stroking my chest slightly until I relaxed. I drifted off and didn't dream.

I woke up a little after dawn and I smelled coffee. I untangled myself from Brian's embrace, and sought out the heavenly aroma. I walked into the kitchen and the last seven years vanished. There was dad, dressed for work, reading the paper, sipping coffee. I had walked into the kitchen to see this more times than I could count. I felt then that my running was a waste. I had missed him so much. My throat was tight as I grabbed a mug and sat across from my dad. He looked up at me and smiled.

"When your mom and I brought you home from the hospital, every night since then, I wondered at the miracle I had been given. I would check in on you and watch you sleep for more nights than I didn't. I even poked my head in your room a few times after you were gone." My face must have fallen; guilt overwhelmed me.

"Simon, you did what you had to do. You were dealt something so beyond your coping skills, you did the only thing you could. I've missed you every day that you were gone, but I knew it was the right choice. As long as you called every week, which you did, I still had my miracle."

Tears had welled up in my eyes. I had missed him so much. For every excuse or apology I tried, he shut me down.

"I didn't say that to hurt you. I admit I peeked in on you last night. Does he always hold you?" At my nod, he smiled. "He held you like you were precious to him, someone to protect and cherish. Your mom and I had that. When I took you on the Boy Scout retreat when you were nine, I hardly slept all weekend. My arms were empty. I made sure that Sunday you were tired out so when we got home, we put you to bed and your mom and I went to sleep. She hadn't slept much either."

It felt good to see him smile; he had done so little smiling before I left. He told me that he was going to take the rest of the week off. He got up to rinse out his mug. He turned to me and I knew he wanted to ask a question. I told him to go ahead and ask.

"Brian told me that the both of you were new to this and were unsure of how to go forward. What did he mean by 'new to this'?"

"Dad, Brian was married for almost seven years, he and his wife ended very badly about six months ago. We are each others' second lovers."

"All that time, Simon. Alone?" To that I nodded. "No one to hold you, cherish you, love you." I shook my head. "Oh, Simon. Your mom and I always wanted you to be happy. We didn't want you to be alone."

"I'm not alone, not anymore." He walked up to me and held me for a moment. When he pulled away from me, he wiped his eyes and told me he would be home later. "I like Brian, a lot. I am very happy for you."

After dad had gone, I went to shower and get dressed. When I was done in the shower, I was just stepping out when Brian came in. He smiled and grabbed me, surrounding me in a huge bear hug. He set me down and stripped off his underwear before hopping in the shower. I knew he took really long showers, so I got out of there to let him get to it. I wrapped my old robe around me and was heading to my room to get dressed when I heard the doorbell. I went down the stairs, distracted by thoughts of dad's conversation and opened the door wide. My heart stopped for a moment before thundering to life again. Jason stood in front of me.

He hadn't changed much. He was still dark and handsome. His black hair was cropped short, almost militaristically. He sported a goatee and moustache and was wearing faded, worn jeans and a shirt under a leather jacket. He took off his sunglasses and there were his ice blue eyes, staring at me. I was transported back to the old gym and locker room. He had that same intense look about him. Only now, he was stronger than before. I was taller by about 6 inches, but he was undoubtedly stronger. The room started spinning, the walls disappearing and being replaced with lockers and steam. I don't know how I kept from curling into a ball and screaming. He smiled at me before stepping forward, as if to hug me; warm and caring.

"Simon, its good to see you."

"Jason, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see you. To tell you some things."

"Jason, please, I . . . "

"I love you. I couldn't tell you before. My dad he just, he just didn't understand. 'Fags are the ruination of the country'. I wanted you, wanted to be with you, but I knew he wouldn't understand. But now, we can. I love you and want to be with you."

For the first time in over seven years, I got angry at what had happened. It is amazing what a little anger will do to panic. It makes it go away; amplifying the anger. "You love me? How can you possible think that that is a welcome declaration?"

He looked confused. "But, I do. I need you, I thought you would be happy."

"Happy? Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? How long it took me to recover? How terrified I have been?"

He smiled at me again. "I didn't mean to hurt you when I sent you away the morning after we were together. I wanted to bring you into the home and tell mom and dad how much I loved you. We can now. I was punished for not telling the truth, now we can be honest and together."

I realized then that Jason was not all there. He was either desperately mad, or else blocking out the memory of the gym. "Do you know why you were in jail?"

"Yeah, I was bad. Mom told me that I was a liar and needed to always tell the truth. She told me I was guilty, but I don't remember what I did."

I needed to be cruel at that moment. Needed to give him the same pain as he had given to me. I opened the robe and dropped it. He smiled at first, moving forward as if to embrace me. Then he saw the scars. He looked up at me with questions in his eyes. I then turned from him, so he could see my back. He looked at those scars as well. Then I dropped my underwear. He gasped as he saw the brand he had given me. The word so horribly etched into my flesh. I wrapped my robe back around me and turned around again. Jason was on the verge of tears.

"I had horrible nightmares while in jail; of you. Of you being hurt; blood everywhere. I thought they were dreams. I thought they were a lie that the police told me to scare me."

Jason seemed very small at that moment. Then he collapsed against the wall and started to cry; huge, gut-wrenching sobs that could have woken the dead. At that moment, Brian came rushing into the room, a towel wrapped low and loose on his hips. He walked right to me and took me in his arms; wrapping me in security. Jason looked up then and stopped crying.

"I should go. I . . ."

"Jason, please leave. Don't come back, don't call, and don't write. Leave my father alone."

I saw something die in Jason's eyes. I think then he learned that he had killed something fragile. He also seemed to realize that he couldn't repair something so utterly destroyed. He stood up and walked to the door. He turned to me and told me he hoped I would be happy. That I deserved so much more than I had had before. He shut the door behind him and walked away. I turned fully into Brian at that point and held on with all my might.

He held me just as tightly. Murmured into my hair and stroked my back. He helped me upstairs and laid me on the bed. He lay down beside me and just held me. He didn't talk and didn't ask; he just held. That was when the tears came. I realized at that moment that I hadn't cried about anything except Brian since my mom died. I hadn't grieved for what had happened to me. I hadn't cried at the pain, both physical and emotional. I sobbed for a long time and all the while, Brian held me and stroked my back, kissing me gently on the head from time to time.

My dad came home early and found us in my room, on my bed. I was still crying. He didn't ask either. He just slipped off his shoes and crawled behind me and wrapped his arms around the both of us. I looked up and saw Brian look at my dad. The look was filled with so much emotion: fear, concern, gratitude that my father had come home to share the burden and that he was included in my dad's comfort, but most of all, love, extreme and abiding for me.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up alone in the bed. It was dark and I knew that I had slept the day away. It had been really early when Jason came by. I didn't know when dad came home. I heard them talking outside the door before it opened. I saw dad embrace Brian and thank him for loving me so much. Brian just smiled and hugged him back. I smiled at them. Brian shut the door and pulled off his shirt and jeans before crawling into bed beside me. He didn't pull me to him; just relaxed on his back in his underwear. I waited until his breathing evened out and I knew he was asleep. I got up and crept out of my room. I saw the clock in the hall on my way to the bathroom. It was after 11PM. I took a shower, washing away the tears and the grime of the day. I was soothed by the warm water; and as the water streamed down my back, over my shoulders, the fears started going with it. I no longer needed to fear Jason; I no longer needed to feel ashamed or lost. I had love and warmth. I knew what I needed, no, wanted to do.

I crept back into my room, staring at Brian's prone form. I knew. I planted my knee at the foot of the bed. I noticed the whirl of hair on his calf, dark and thick, trailing up his legs, disappearing into his stark white briefs. He was such a large man. His shoulders so incredibly broad and waist so narrow; he was a muscular, strong man who loved me. I lowered my chest down between his thighs. My armpits hooked lightly over each thigh. I trailed my hands over his thighs and raised them to the waistband of his briefs. I pulled them slowly off him, raising myself to accommodate their removal. He started to stir and I placed my hand on his stomach and stroked it lightly. My fingers pulled lightly on the hair covering his abdominal muscles. His skin erupted in goose bumps and he started to thicken below my chin. He stood at attention quickly and I realized that he was huge: long, thick, and proud. With my hands on him before, I knew we were about the same size, him a little thicker, me a little longer. But when you had your eyes just a few inches from heaven, your perspective changes. I lowered my head and ran my tongue between his slit and the flared beginning of his crown's underside. Flicking it back and forth quickly. I heard Brian sigh. I ran my tongue all around the flare of his head, lap after lap until he started to leak his clear fluid. I then tried to enter his slit with my tongue, lapping his essence, branding his taste on my memory. His large head was glistening, dripping with his juices and my saliva. I knew it was time. I pursed my lips and dove down, forcing him in me entirely until my nose ground into his pubic hair.

He bucked against me but quickly calmed himself. I loved it when he allowed me to completely pleasure him, lying back passively. It happened on his desk in the trailer, he was none of it; I did it all. With him buried deeply in my throat, I slowly shook my head as if saying no, but the slight movement, caused his engorged and sensitized underside to rub against my tongue. Brian cried out softly. I then raised my head to about halfway. I swirled my tongue around him and sucked hard once before releasing my suction. I opened my mouth just enough to breath out. I sucked in air and fluffed warm air around his shaft. He moaned again. I then resealed my lips and started moving up and down. As I moved, I took my hands and rubbed his stomach back and forth with the same rhythm as I bobbed my head. After a few moments, he was beyond any other sounds but fast panting. I looked up and met his eyes, they were black and glassy; he was lost. Somehow I knew if I sped up my movements he would cum, if I changed the suction, anything at all, he would trip over the edge. I didn't. I wanted him writhing, on edge, until he couldn't hold off anymore. I watched as he clenched his jaw and tilted his head back and grabbed the edges of the bed. He had the edges of the mattress lifted in his strong grip and I knew he was going to take over soon if I didn't end it soon. With some regret that it would be over, I dove down to the base again and shook my head rapidly once there. I felt him thicken and stiffen in my mouth before he exploded. He was silent while he came, his mouth open but no sound came out. I pulled back a little to allow me to breath. I reveled at the feel of his shaft twitching with each spurt of his warm juice. His taste was sweet and thicker than I thought. When the last of his spasms stopped, he collapsed his rigid hold on the mattress and completely relaxed. I bobbed a few more times on him to clean him up, taking the last of his cum from him. I raised off him and watched his shaft collapse against his belly. I rested my head over his belly button. He was trembling below me.

Brian reached out and grabbed my arms, dragging me to him. "Come here sweetheart."

He wrapped me in his big arms and held me tightly against him. He was still trembling and did nothing but hold me. After a while, the trembling stopped and his hands started to move on me again. He stroked my back and caressed my shoulders. His hand drifted down to my butt, and he stiffened when he felt the scar. He looked at me and I knew he had come to some conclusion. There was fire and determination in his eyes. He pulled away from me and kissed me lightly before turning me over.

He started at my feet. He brushed his finger along any scar he found. Once brushed by his fingers, he would trace it with his tongue, kissing it slightly and saying almost imperceptibly: 'forget.' He moved up my legs and I knew he was near my knee, where surgery left more scars than the mirror had. Each scar was treated the same. 'Forget,' over and over he said it as he touched and licked and kissed each one. He got to my cheek, and its horrible brand. He kissed it just the same and commanded me to 'forget.' I was hard against the mattress. Emotion was riding me harder than Brian ever could. My throat was clogged with it. I needed some sort of release. As Brian shifted and moved up to lay on me, I was hoping it would be a sexual release. But, I was wrong; he just continued to minister to old scars, trying to erase the hurt. I felt tears, silent, cleansing tears trail down my cheeks. Once he reached my shoulders and had treated them, he rolled me over gently.

He saw my tears and lowered to my face, kissing them away. 'Forget.' He kissed my chest and arms, the surgery scar on my belly and repeated the word again. The tip of my penis brushed in the soft hair on his chest, the knot in my throat eased as the emotion found a second way to relieve. He moved up me, leaving my aching erection alone again to plant himself at my throat. He found the tracheotomy scar and laved it lovingly. "This saved your life. This is what allowed me to find you." He kissed it again before raising to take my mouth in a hot kiss. He made me feel so much more than I ever thought I could. For the longest time I had felt damaged by the attack, unworthy of feelings. Now, I was grateful for the feelings. It wasn't always pleasant, but I was alive.

He lifted me slightly and entered me. Once fully seated, he stayed in place, looking down at me. He moved his hands up to cup my face and keep me looking at him. He rested his elbows under my shoulders and his body rasped against mine as he slowly moved. He thrust gently, keeping the same pace. I felt him buried inside me and I started to grasp him with my body, pulling him, squeezing him. He kept up his slow, torturous pace for an eternity. If either of us built up too much, he slowed us down. He looked into my eyes the whole time. After a while of his exquisite thrusts, I noticed he was tearing up as well. I had had tears rolling down my face; overwhelmed by the emotional pull I was feeling build just as much as the sexual build up. The first tear dripped from his chocolate brown eyes onto my face, followed quickly by a second, a third, a gentle rain of his tears.

His voice was cracking as he spoke, "I love you so much, Simon."

With that confession, I exploded against his belly and I felt him explode inside me as well. The whole time we stared into each other's eyes. When the explosion stilled, he lowered himself to me. He was still deep inside me and his chest rested on mine. Then he kissed me. This kiss was slow and sweet. His tongue brushed mine back and forth, slowly, gently like a slow dance or a tender caress. When the kiss finally ended, his body had calmed enough and his softened cock slipped out of me. He rolled us to our sides and continued to stare at me.

"You realize that this is forever don't you?" He asked me, knowing the answer, but wanting to reassure me.

I nodded at him; I didn't need the reassurance. He was mine and I was his. That night, for the first time, I held him through the night. I slept on my back with his head resting on my chest, his leg thrown over mine and his hand in mine held tightly over my heart. My other hand slowly stroked his back and shoulders. Since I had slept most of the day away, I wasn't tired. I took the time to think. I knew we would go back to Texas soon and that some changes needed to be made.

The next day, I told my dad that I was okay. He looked at me for quite some time, trying to read in my eyes the truth that I told. He must have found his answer, because he hugged me and smiled at me again. His smile always made me feel safe. We spent the rest of our stay in Oregon getting to know each other again. One night we went out to eat at a restaurant. His boss at work recognized dad and came over to talk. When he saw me he was surprised and clapped me on the back. Dad talked about Brian and I, referring to us as 'his boys.' I was very, very grateful that dad liked Brian so much. But, I saw how dad's boss looked at the two of us with a slightly disapproving look. I wanted to turn away. Then I saw dad get angry at the look and wished the man a good night. We went home that night; Brian tried to make things smooth, like he often did. It didn't work.

The next morning, dad cornered Brian and asked if he knew of any companies in San Antonio that could use an accountant. I was surprised that dad thought that way. Brian just smiled and said that his company could use one part time and the architectural firm he worked with could use one too. Dad looked up at me and smiled. "I've been away from you for far too long. Now I will simply be closer to my boys." Brian and I flew home the next day. Dad followed us about a month later. At first he wanted to find a nice home in the city. Brian quickly talked him into staying with us. Since Brian's house had the almost separate 'mother-in-law' suite, it could simply be a father-in-law suite. It had its own private entrance and was connected, but still private from the rest of the house. Brian moved all of his things back into the master bedroom upstairs.

Shortly after we got back from Oregon, I quit my job. I told Brian first of course. I couldn't keep a job where I was sleeping with the boss. Brian told me he would make me a partner. I simply told him that I had been saving my money up over the past few years wanting to go to college. He had gone, but I was too busy running to go. He still made me a partner. Once he announced our partnership in his company, he announced his personal partnership with me at the same meeting. It was quite the coming out party. He told me that since I couldn't legally marry him, he would tie me to him in as many legal ways as was possible.

Shortly after dad moved in with us, I did have some of my scars removed, the brand on my ass and some of the larger ones on my back. The others didn't matter. While in my first semester in college, I was in the bath soaking after finals. The warm water and Jacuzzi jets soothed my aching muscles and helped with the healing process. Brian found me there when he got home from work.

He had stripped before entering the bathroom. He sank into the warm water with me. He took my hand and held it until I opened my eyes and looked at him. He smiled at me and kissed me. I love the bathtub. We make love there at least once a week. And yes, I came again when he called out my name.

Brian and I are still together. Dad comes and goes, he dates occasionally and even stays out for a night or two, but I doubt he will find anything like what he had with mom. I worry about him sometimes, but he seems truly happy being with Brian and I. He doesn't intrude, in fact, we try to get him more involved than he is. He told me once that we was afraid he would go wandering, wanting to see his miracle sleeping again and walk in on an embarrassing situation. Life is good. I am no longer lost and have found the greatest thing in life: love.

Any comments let me know: mercutio3000@attbi.com